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Quiet review! Hey you mother lovers! Hey you sexy YouTube mother lovers! Hey that's my line, you can't use that. Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast.
Yeah, thanks for having a little enthusiasm, Donut. Yeah, welcome to here. Do you want to do the... I can't be happy now that I'm sad. Welcome to the subscribe! Hi, I'm Matt, and we have Eli Double Fat, we have Donut Bopperator, and we have the AK Jesus. Hey, everybody. That's not anybody's names, but it's close enough where you can figure it the fuck out. Yeah. Woo!
Hi, uh... Batty just came in hot. Batty, what do you want? He didn't even let us introduce. We were writing down notes. We were taking... No, start the podcast, though. Ranch water! Oh, yeah, we have to talk about that. Let me put away that. So I just popped me here a big... Hide the claws momentarily. A big red Rio grapefruit ranch water from Lone River. Hell yeah, buddy. What do you got? What do you got, Eli? Guys, I have... Nobody cares, don't know. What do you got? Man, I got Brandon Herrera here. Hey!
That's what I'm talking about. That's some real ranch right there. As good as it gets. Welcome to Texas. Brandon has just officially moved to Tejas, San Antonio. I think his address is, what, 437?
Yeah, you're close. Yeah, you're close on that one. Let's stop that one right there. He is in San Antonio, in case you're wondering. More towards the north side. Moved here during a blizzard. Holy shit. It was a fucking amazing time. Yeah, no. We literally, the last three hours of the drive...
was like we were doing 30 in a 75, trying not to slide off the road. And then we had no fridge, no food. So we've been persisting on liquor and trail mix for four days. You mean ranch water and trail mix? I mean ranch water and liquor. That's what we're talking about. Ranch water. Shout out to our sponsors that got us through this Texas disaster. Honestly, without ranch water, I don't think I would have survived three days of no real water.
Yeah. I would have killed my child and ate him if it wasn't for ranch water. Honestly, I wanted to and you stopped me. That's honestly still in the cards, though. Still there. I'm still going to kill him after being locked up with John for a week now. That's a hard one. Can't wait for school to come back on, don't I? Do you remember when your power died?
and you had no running water. Oh yeah. And your best friend had both of those things. And he lives a mile away. And we were sending hits. I could read through those hits. My raptor could have easily gotten to his house a mile away. Man, Batty, it sucks not having any heat or electricity or water. Please, sir, I'm so cold. Batty's just red.
I was like, this dude. Betty said, LOL, I'm watching anime. Yeah, literally, I'm watching anime right now. What's up, dudes? I have John in three comforters to keep him cold. You said a picture of yourself wrapped up, and I was like, lol. Like, Betty's a good friend. This is great. Oh, my God, dude. Okay. The other night, I was like, yeah, dude, Jones is going to be, or no, Squirt's going to be wearing Jones like a tauntaun. Like, yeah.
Scorch is walking around with another cat on him. Power play, dude. This is what happens when you leave me a lone father. I have killed other cats. He was weak. It's not important. Jeeves is dead. He kills Jeeves.
What? Squirt! Damn, son! If you guys didn't know, my cat Squirt is a complete fucking psychopath. Psychopath, yeah. Who kills everything he comes across and tortures them. Murder torture. Yeah, it's not the good kind of murder. It's not like a quick snap. It's like, I'm going to rip one leg off, chew on that one leg in front of you until you passed out, and then I'm going to bash you around until you wake up so I can chew on your insides again. He's not exaggerating. Squirt does that to small creatures. What?
weekly and there's blood trails throughout my garage and like all over my drive literally tortures them yeah so you had what you were saying it's like you would have a it's two hours to destination and it would be six because how slow you had to drive yeah because of the it took us four i think about four or five hours to get to our house in san antonio and it was 90 miles
From San Antonio. Yeah. It took four hours to get to San Antonio. Yeah, we actually had an 18, there was three 18 wheelers that turned over in the middle of the road. And so we just sat there for like an hour waiting for it to clear. And I finally just got pissed off and said like, girls, we're going over the fucking median. Like we're just,
I'm not sitting here for... Full stand. Let's do it. Yeah, absolutely. So I went back to some side roads and shit. But yeah, no, it was wild. Texas isn't used to this. This is like utter... Like, I've been here. I was born here. Once in 30 years or some shit people have been saying for San Antonio, at least. Dude, I've heard like late 1800s. It's not good. It's like once in a lifetime. For everybody who doesn't know, there was a blizzard that hit Texas in the south. It wasn't just Texas. Like Kentucky, like a lot of states...
got bent the fuck over by mother nature. She just came in, lifted her skirt and literally fucked us. Yeah. Um, so it was a great time for any of us to move to Texas from the North. We're like, I can't wait to escape the winter. Um,
I showered for the first time yesterday after five, six days. Yeah, same, same dude. Well, my friends are coming over here to shower. They came over here to shower today. Like clean. There's just no running water across the fucking state and shit. Like it's wild, man. Baddie was dying because I texted, I don't know, like three days ago. I was like, I have shit in the same toilet.
For the last four days. And I am lactose intolerant. You're an idiot. I have everything that goes against me with how much I poop a day. And both of my toilets were just biohazards. I was like, dear mother of God. You have no idea. I've been eating string cheese for three days just to try to stop the shit flow.
Dude, Eli texts us. Me and Eli don't have a text group. It was like 9.30 in the morning. I was just about to go to sleep, and Eli texts me like, my toilet's a biohazard. I've been shitting on the same pile of shit for three days.
Making that poo lasagna. Yeah, poo lasagna. I have a structure system to my shit right now. I'm still crying when I think about it. It was so bad. Poo, toilet paper. Poo, toilet paper. It's a shit stack. It's like a fucking shit stack, man. And I'm not going to lie. I didn't think about the toilet paper layer until you said that on the text thread. I was like, oh my God, Batty's right. Toilet paper roll. Poop. Oh, it doesn't splash now. Fucking golden. We've got the Eli Big Mac in every...
I'll take your number three, please. Oh my God. You're like, I can't push still. It was pee in the back of your toilet. Just to flush down the level of shit. That was... So this is the podcast. Welcome to the Unsubscribe Podcast, Brandon. This is why people unsubscribe. We're going for video games. Mom, check out this podcast. It's all about video games. Yeah, then we build a fucking shit pile.
So you shit and you stack some toilet paper and then you shit again. You gotta make sure you're not gonna piss on it because it breaks the toilet paper down. So it's just a shit, toilet paper, shit, toilet paper. And then you flush when the ice melts. Guys, I bought Monster Rancher. Oh, yeah. Good transition. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, okay, okay. Before we get to Monster Rancher, Brandon. Yeah, I didn't do it. What was your first venture into, like, gaming?
Oh yeah. What was like your starting console? The first thing that like sucked you in. And if you say this year and escape from Tarkov, I'm going to punch you in the dick. No, dude. So like seven, eight, something like that. You know, like PlayStation, going to Xbox 360, shit like that. I was always a console gamer. That's right. For everybody who doesn't know, Brandon's like 14. He's a child. He's exactly 16 years old. Look at Eli's face.
He just said seven to eight transitioning the Xbox 360. No, no, no. I said PlayStation. Eli is 30 years older than Brandon. But you said going into. No, no. I didn't have an Xbox. I think I was like maybe 11, 12, something like that, 13. I don't fucking remember. I was in Iraq. He's 24. Brandon was born in 96. No, 95. Dear God.
Oh my god. I was in Iraq when you were 10. Jesus. Eli got shot when Brandon was 10. Thank you for your service.
But yeah, no, I actually, I didn't get into the cool kid PC gaming until like early last year. What were your first games? What were your OG video games? These were my jam back in the day. Like Halo 2, Halo 3, like COD 4.
That's okay. Those are good ones. I'm like, oh, Brandon's first good games were God Forth. Oh, that's me. Halo 2, he did start off at Halo 2. I started with, you know, Dig Dug and Tetris. There we go. Eli's like, oh, let me pull up my swivel controller for fucking Pong. You guys ever heard Rob the Robot? He did some crazy shit back in the 90s. You don't need to know about that one. That's okay. You started off. It's fine.
We start off with Halo. Did you, so did like you and your friends take your CRT TVs over to your house and have like the land matches? No, we were never cool kids like that. We just, we went over to my one buddy's house who's like, we were in fables. You had a rich friend. You had a rich buddy. Everybody had a rich friend. His dad was a green beret. And so he just like did not give a fuck what this kid did. So we just, he like, you have M rated video games over at your house? Yo, there's boobies in that shit?
Yo, you wanna watch the Terminator again? Guys, I love boobs, by the way. Dude. Yeah. Why would you say something so stunning and brave? Does anyone remember the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Commando? Yeah. Yeah. That was like the first... Because he had the rocket launcher with the four rockets. The four, exactly. Yeah.
I watched the boobies in that movie on repeat more. That was probably my first set of titties I could memorize. Because I would... Titty scene when they broke through the wall in the hotel. Replay. Titty scene where they broke through the wall in the hotel. Replay. And it was... That was like... Now I'm trying to think of my... Hold on. We talked about...
American Pie, remember? Brandon was four when American Pie came out. Fuck. 99, that's right. I still remember. That was still a thing even when I was growing up. That's a childhood. I wish I hadn't. I was four.
All these young guys. Oh, yeah. You know, I watched it when I was like four or five. It was like Barney, American Pie, American Psycho, you know. This is a good one. American History. American Beauty. Let's go. Like a bag in the wind. Oh, man. Did you play... Well, I was going to say, did you play old... So, during your time, you wouldn't play online. You just played...
It was on the same platform. What is it? Split screen. Split screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't get online gaming until way later. Did you play... This is a good one. 007. I've never played it. Okay, what's 007? Goldeneye? I know it. I know what you're talking about. He just said he never played Goldeneye. I've never played Goldeneye. I've only played Nintendo 64. Oh.
I know the game. And I had a Nintendo 64. There's AK-47s. I'm going to throw up. Well, guys, that was a great... I'm going to throw up. Check out... Yeah, check out Batty Streams, Donut Operator, and Eli DoubleTap. Now they're actually going to unsubscribe. Don't look at him. Brandon, did you follow our podcast? I guarantee we could pull up his phone.
It's like, let's see it, Brandon. Let's see. Follow us right now. I think I... No, I do, motherfucker. But he's never played Goldeneye. I'm just... I'm just saying. I'm gonna always bring that up. God, I can say the word. Boom! He does! He really does! Fuck all of you. On YouTube? No. That's what I thought. I mean, that's fair. I don't know if I follow us on YouTube. Brandon, I'm gonna say a word. I need a response. Oddjob. Pardon? Oddjob. James Bond? I don't...
How you got that right? It's not golden. That's not necessarily a video game thing. But that's James Bond. The movies. But he's the chief character in the video game. Pierce Brosnan. What up? Fuck yes. He was great in Eurovision. Did you really just go there? Oh, yeah. He was so fucking weird in that, dude. He was like the hot dad, though. It was hilarious. He's like, yes, this is my father. He has fucked half the village.
Do you remember the Thomas Crown, Mr. Crown Affair? What was the movie? It was right after Pierce Brosnan did his first two GoldenEye movies. Or at first, James Bond movies. GoldenEye, The World is Not Enough. Contractually, he was not allowed to wear a suit in a movie. Because of GoldenEye. Because of James Bond.
So the entire movie, he's in a suit, but the tie's undone. And like the top buttons are undone. And it's called like the Thomas Tom Crown or something. The Thomas Crown Affair. It's something Crown Affair, yeah. What?
It's a great movie. I've never heard of this. I've never seen it. It's Pierce Brosnan playing that same James Bond-style character. Well, there's really... Oh, there it is. The KF-7 Soviet. I forgot that's what they called it. That's what the AK-47 was. I remember the sound. This is so vividly in my head, that sound. Oh, like double golden eye. Yeah, I know that sound. Pierce Brosnan, I feel like, is like half the reason why the crank is so popular is because it's an iconic photo of him just popping out of that fucking Soviet tank with the crank. Just...
It doesn't even have a buttstock on it. No, it's just a pistol. KF7 Soviet. They knew pistol laws back then. They're different rules. It's a brace, Cody. It's a brace. No, they had a lot of... A weird thing is actors, when they have those video game clauses or movie clauses, like you can't wear a suit for any movies after this. So that's why there's no video games with Tom Cruise on.
In it because his likeness can't be in a video game. So you had like the mummy. Is that like a Scientology thing or like what? I don't even know. Maybe. But it's like the mummy. It would be like, please, the mummy. You did. They have a generic character instead of Tom Cruise when that movie came out. Yeah. There's no Tom Cruise video game characters at a certain point. And they were like, it just never happened because of him.
Even Mission Impossible, or not, wait, it's Mission Impossible, right? Yeah. Do those video games don't have Tom Cruise, do they? They have, what's his name? Not Tom Cruise, it's the actual character's name. Ethan Hunt. Ethan Hunt, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it can't be a lookalike. It doesn't look like Tom Cruise. Weird laws that they, like actors. It's like the weird shit like the New Avengers game, where like they have all the guys that are like, cool.
but they don't, they're not basically Avengers. Yeah. Like all the characters just literally bottom. I mean, so that's a great point. Like literally one of the notes I had for the podcast was I want to talk about video game movies. Oh God. They're all bad. Because no, you say that they're not. Lord of the Rings. Video game movies or movie video games. Lord of the Rings. So look at the, did you see what was just announced? The new mortal combat movie? Wait, what? No.
I did hear about that. Have you guys not seen the trailer for the, it was announced that like literally this weekend. No, no. The new Mortal Kombat movie looks so fucking good. But, but okay. No, no, no. It's not getting all the hype right now. It looks so. Keep going. Can, who's got a phone available to watch this trailer real quick? And like we can cut the, the, the, the watching it out. There you go. Is it that good? The trailer looks so. Pull it up. We'll watch it right here. Yep.
And then come back to you guys and talk about it, I guess. Yeah. This is the riveting content you came here for. Two days ago. I'm going to turn it up. Was that slush? Okay. Oh, you fucking beauty.
Okay, I'm excited. Okay, so video game movies, for the most part, suck dick. I'm actually pumped for that one. Like, no matter what, no matter how awful the plot's gonna be, because we know it's a fighting game, it's gonna be awful, the visuals look so fucking good. All the stuff that wasn't the actual hand-to-hand combat looks like it was directed by Michael Bay.
Good. Yeah. Great. Perfect. Wonderful. It could have been a Transformers plot kind of thing. I hate... The hardest part for me is when you have these video games. So Metal Gear Solid is going to be a movie, and that's the one I just wanted to... If I could direct, it would be that or Dead Space. Those are my two chains. Those are my two... Eli, you can direct anything. Here's your fucking... They've done some machinima anime Dead Space stuff, which were...
But it was like, it was fun. And that's the thing. It's like these video games give you a fucking script to follow and then Hollywood fucks that up. They're like, okay, listen, we understand you have a story, but what if we just fuck it in the ass? We understand that there's tens of millions of people that are familiar with this plot line, but like,
Our study groups have said that this is a little box. It says Goku was dropped on his head. He was a Saiyan. He's a strong warrior, not the smartest and fighting from a young age. What about he goes to high school? Okay, I like that. That's a good one. Are we really going to bring up Dragon Ball Evolution?
Okay, we got it. Are we really gonna bring him to high school? Honestly, our marketing team has said it would be great if he was also disabled. It relates to the kids. Okay, so disabled Goku in high school. I'm loving this. Guys, this is fantastic. Okay, so this Chi-Chi character. What if Goku isn't white?
Donut, this is fantastic information. What if Goku's white and not Asian? We have Mexican Goku. That's the problem. Oh, there we go. White, no, Mexican Goku it is. Okay, we'll call him Mexican. All right, so we got El Goku. I think the Mexicans hide the G. Is it Hane...
Yeah, it's Hoku. So we've got Mexican Hoku. He can go super saying Hoku. Eli's a Mexican. He can say these things. I am 100%. Super Hayen. I like it. He's super Hayen. He's super Hayen.
This is fantastic movie ideas. Okay, guys, what do you think of Piccolo? He's a green alien man. Alien? You can't use the term alien, man. Because he's not Mexican. That's what I'm talking about. So he cannot be an alien. What is Piccolo now? A dreamer. Well, they called him King Piccolo initially. What if we remove the king because this is America and we don't have kings here? Okay, so President Piccolo. Thank you. Thank you. Prince Piccolo.
Not an alien. President Piccolo, not an alien. I love this name. This is fantastic. So we understand he was green and really strong. What if we make him weaker than our main character? Even though he's dominated planets. Weaker. Well, everybody knows you can't be president and an alien. And now he is the bad guy, so he is going to be white. Right.
So we have a white President Piccolo, and he is weaker. I love this. This is fantastic. Give him orange skin. Okay, I like this. Is there anything else that we can do? Because we have a hit. Well, he's supposed to be green, but his powers will glow orange now. There we go. It offsets the colors. Fantastic information, guys. Compromise. And I think we have...
A riveting plot line for... What about Bulma? We understand she has blue hair. Instead of blue hair, we just give her a lot of blue eyeliner and makeup. Let me read about this character. She is a smart blue hair scientist. Smart blue hair scientist. So we're going to make her a white, big-titty dumb bitch. Who also wants to smash the patriarchy.
Lot of blue makeup though blue hair needs to have the eyeliner there we go mm-hmm I mean it's so close to a fucking Hollywood pitch meeting it's No, no, I know no dragon balls of it's so well you guys are being for real this is a real movie It's called Dragon Ball evolution. They made they were not judging how bad dragon ball. That's why I'm saying Goku's he's why I school kid I
I was literally joking the entire time. I was nodding on that. This is why we're... I've never seen it either. It's on HBO right now. I watched it like two days ago. Just to remind myself. I thought we were having a mock Hollywood meeting there. That's what's scary. We were, but that's how the movie actually is. It's awful. Oh, no. Dude, like...
Even worse, it's the guy from Shameless and the girl from Shameless, like right when they were hitting their- And Chow Yun-Fat, which is a book. He's like a huge martial arts star. I know, and they're like, Master Roshi's Chow Yun-Fat. And he's no longer pervert because we cannot have that in this day and age. No shell. He also doesn't wear sunglasses anymore. They literally were just like, we need a martial arts movie with some high school kids. It's kind of like Power Rangers, but let's call it Dragon Ball Z.
It has nothing to do with Dragon Balls until they mention the one Dragon Ball. It's so bad. It's awful. It's called Dragon Ball Evolution. Go watch it. Hate yourself. I'm going to watch it now because of what you guys just said. I'm going to trigger the fuck out of Eli right now. You ready? What did you think of the Netflix Death Note movie? Oh, I mean, bro. They had such, again, this is like, hey, here's a fucking, here is a plot.
That you don't have to change anything. This is perfection. It is loved in America and Japan. This is anime perfection. Here you go. Just copy this formula and it's gold. This was saved for me for the notes for the show. And then they were like, okay, okay, okay. Well, we got some Japanese dudes. We need to get rid of that white people. Obviously.
Oh, we got a super smart guy. He can't be white. No. Oh, yeah. There we go. We're going to switch that out. We got a black character. And then we got the dude who eats apples. Okay. Who's that guy? The William man? He dressed like a girl. Willem Daffer. William Daffer. I heard his penis is huge. So we'll use him. Honestly, I thought he was a great fucking... He does have a royal aging wing. He has a massive cock. I know. That's why I said that. That's why I'm...
casting him for this character. What, are you guys fucking stupid? Okay. So, Big Dick William Dafoe. Big Dick. Big Dick William Dafoe. Dude, imagine that being your nickname in Hollywood. Big Dick. We got Big Willie. Hollywood. Big Dick. God, that movie is so bad. It was awful. They have... They literally... All you have to do is follow the plot and no one... Like, no one's gonna get pissed and be like, why'd they remake this? It's like...
It's anything. You have what the fans want. Video game. Resident Evil 1. Perfect example. Imagine the movie being what the fucking game was. Where it was like a mansion. Wesker. Jill. Chris. Oh.
I will never understand why they deviated from that. Because I don't care what happens as long as Mila Jovovich shows her tits. Well, that's a given. Resident Evil, they completely changed everything. Dude, the Resident Evil movie series is so wild. Because I watched the movies before I ever played the games. And then it was just like, what the fuck? I wasn't a Resident Evil gamer. These are barely fucking related.
There's just zombies. That's all there is. That's it. There's a zombie. They took one word and they're like, there's zombies. Wait, you want some dog zombies and then like a big guy with a rocket launcher zombie? We got you. Who's also her husband? Oh, buddy. Doom with the rock. Oh my. Doom. Okay. Visually, beautiful movie.
That's it. I will say, okay, that was one of the first movies that did a FPS version of filming. Yeah. So that was groundbreaking at that time. It was a decent video game movie. Decent is like the... It wasn't bad. It was a fucking movie about an FPS. Yeah.
What do you want from that? It's loosely related. When you have like, Doomguy is such a fucking bad. He's iconic. And they don't have Doomguy in that entire fucking movie. You're like, here's the plot again. I'm just, fuck. Follow this one character. Can we do a plot real quick of Doom? The Halo movie without Master Chief.
That's literally how it would have happened. There hasn't been a Halo. No, they did Forward Unto Dawn. Forward Unto Dawn was fucking amazing. It was really good. It was so good. You could tell they took their time with it.
Because they, then when Chief shows up in that, like you see how big he is and it's proper. It's like, oh, this dude's like, he's like, yeah, he's like 7'10". Gut size, we're talking about. Well, he's eight, like, so Chiefs are like eight foot tall with that suit because the suit weighs two tons. So it's a 2,000 or 2,000 or 4,000 pounds. 4,000 pounds fucking suit. Yeah, the Magilner or,
Milner armor Milner armor is 4,000 pounds literally jumps out of fucking aircrafts and just lands on the ground because it's fun for him yeah but you could tell like when he shows up though craters and he's like nah don't worry everybody gets it though they're just like oh he's big dick
No one argues with these like getting the vehicle get it up fuck yeah, bro So there's a serious. There's like a little series already. Yeah, it came out like two It's really
It came out with Halo 4 and 5. It was like the launch from the original Bungie series into the 343 Studios series. Yeah. As Brandon was saying though, when they actually come out with the live action movie, they're going to be like, this Master Chief guy, we don't really need him. Who's Master Chef? He's a cook. We don't need him. Baby.
Oh, does this battle take place in the galley? Fuck you. Dude, the Fordham to Dawn series by 343 was probably one of the best adaptations of a video game into a series.
but again we're not talking about a movie we're talking like we're we're on the same scale of like the witcher you know like oh that was so good they fucking well i mean what do you think i think they handled the way they did phenomenal minus a few costume things with um aging uh no i see i can deal with the aging i followed it but i'm also a nerd that you read the books exactly when you go in cold turkey you're like what the
What the... Because I would say... I had never played the games. I'd never read anything. Same. Dude, first like four or five episodes, I didn't know about the time change. I was so fucked. And then like about halfway through, I'm like, oh, okay. Time skip. I was like screaming it in my house. I was so hyped. I read the book, so I knew. But when you are an individual, and that's the directors and the editors, when they edit that shit, you have to be like, hey, this is clear cut. Like, this is how much time. Because otherwise, you're like, I have no idea what the fuck is going on right now. Oh, dude, it was like...
fucking hard is it to do it? 10 years, 50 years, 3 years, 10 years, 50 years. I had no idea. How hard is it to do an intro cut like 5 years later? Boom. Your audience is not fucking lost anymore. Magicians don't age. You never fucking knew that. Yeah. No. Witchers age really slow. You didn't fucking know that. And that's where it's like the director. But still, Witcher...
Phenomenal. Fucking good, man. As much as you want to... What's his name? Henry Cable? Cable? Do you think he stepped in when they were fucking it up and was like, no... Because he's a nerd. He's a huge nerd. Do you think he ever stepped in and was just like, no, no, no, no. This scene should be like this. This is what happened. I'd like to hope so because he's done a lot for gaming. If you look at his accounts and his social media, he's pushed a lot of nerd bullshit. He's like, hey guys, I'm playing World of Warcraft today. That's right, Superman. You might know me.
World of Warcraft. The big story about him is he almost missed his Superman audition because he was raiding in World of Warcraft. Oh my god, really? Yeah. He's a nerd. That was the thing because he was like super hyped about Witcher. He was just like, I fucking played this game so fucking much. It's like when you talk about like Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool.
yeah that was the same like there's not a lot of video game like adaptations good like and that's when you have creative control because he was like I'll pay I will do the fuck I will put the money in and that's what Ryan Reynolds does no one wanted to give it to him yeah
They said literally it was going to fail. Yeah, it's a rated R superhero movie. It's not going to do well. So he put all his money in. He had creative control 100%. And then the trailer got leaked. And that's what pushed it into like. Dude, the original trailer. Which I think he admitted to leaking it. Oh, yeah. Which is genius. Oh, yeah.
Dude, the car chase on the highway with the wheeling truck. He jumps down in the fucking car. That was it. Which is almost like shot for shot in the fucking movie. Yep, absolutely. Because that's what they were like. They were like, this is what needs to happen. And that's when you have a perfect fucking movie. Because that slay. You have to have that sliver, that actor, that...
Is involved or like has that emotional attachment to it. Yeah. Where you have someone like Henry Cavill who's been like, I want to be in The Witcher. Ryan Reynolds who wants to be Deadpool. Yes. They have that more emotional attachment. So what I can't fucking understand is that all these like big, big baller movie studios and shit. They're like, obviously they want to look after their investments. So they're like, we want to make sure we do a lot of studies, whatever. Like and figure out, make sure we don't lose our ass if we're dumping $60 million into this project.
But they can't seem to figure out, like, okay, as soon as you start fucking getting involved, that's when you lose your ass on the project. Dude, working with execs is the hardest fucking part because it is... You can have this...
I've never talked about it like this. Eli, you've been on a major television network show, and that's what you're talking about working with execs, right? Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, this is like, as you were saying, it was the being on the TV show, you get to see how everyone or execs put their hands in shit. The first season that aired on the History Channel was a completely different... Of the show...
Brothers in Arms. Okay. And that was... With you and Rocco, right? Yeah. And that was so different than season two, which aired because the gun stuff. And once they seen season one, season one was like, I remember watching that and be like, this is fucking perfect. We should not change a thing. I'm super happy. I watched all the episodes. I was like, holy shit. Watching season two was the first time I was like, uh. Like, I just check out. I was like, I don't give a fuck about this. This is... And then you see the notes that these execs would send in. And they were straight...
Terrible most of the time because you have people who's like well Kevin from marketing thought this would be a fantastic joke Okay, you like listen you're sitting on that motorcycle Okay, now you look down and you're like someone's like you like look what's below you What happens if they shoot the gas tank because it's a World War one vehicle World War two motorcycle It would explode and your balls might get blown off. Oh
So can you like play off that joke and I just read it and be like I'm not saying that like that's fucking stupid I'm sorry. Let me let me just double check how much you're paying me. No no No, and that was like our director who's fantastic But he would like read it and he'd be like Eli they want you to say this and I'm like fuck no He's like okay. Thank you. I just need that Say you said no
Because they just want to be able to say that was their idea. That was their hand in the pot. Yes, and that's how video game movies get fucking ruined. Dude, that's how a lot of shit... Okay, I know this is completely off track, but the military...
Look at it. Going from a wartime to a peacetime army, this was a big thing that had to do with me wanting to get out. Dog and pony shows? Dude! Holy fucking... You want to talk about drilling ceremony real quick? Dog and ponies? Dog and ponies. Some fucking colonel, some motherfucker higher up on the officer who just needs his name on some doctrine that's going to ruin everyone's lives for the next four years.
Do you remember the tattoo ruling that came out in like... I think it was like 2013, 2014? Oh, yeah, because... You couldn't have anything below the cuffs, above the neck, or below the knees, or below the elbows. I don't remember either. So what would they do with people who already had it? So you were semi-grandfathered in, where you could have it, but you couldn't... Semi? You couldn't become an officer. Oh, fuck.
It was insane. It was like... And it only lasted like three months, but there was a three-month period where... I remember that. Some of the best enlisted soldiers in the Army were like, well, I'm fucking done. And it's the same thing. It doesn't matter what, honestly, medium you're in, whether it's the military, whether it's the movie industry or gaming, there's always somebody who doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about. That's like...
I'm going to put my hand in that power. Exactly. I want to be part of this. I want my name there. I need to put my name on something. And it's wild. So that was actually kind of the more... I've started to get to know Glenn Fleming. The guy, he works at Drive Tanks now, but he used to be on Sons of Guns. He's one of the big gunsmiths there. Fucking cool-ass dude. Did he get in a lot of trouble?
One of them did. The big guy didn't... The main guy. The kitty diddling. Yeah, that was not cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The grapist. The grapist. The grapist got in trouble. Yeah. A lot of grape. A lot of graping. Glenn, for the record, did not do any graping. But...
That's kind of suck to be attached to. Dude, I've met like a couple of those dudes, like fucking Joe and Glenn and whatnot. They're just like, were you with Red Jacket? And they're like, yeah, yeah. But he was talking about fucking TV execs and everything like that. I'm like, oh, yeah, because they never fabricate anything for TV. He's like,
And Glenn is like fucking, he's like the Tommy Chong of gunsmiths. Yeah. You know Glenn, right? I've never met him. You've never met him? Oh, dude, he's fucking hilarious. Because I'm like, yeah, it's like they never fabricate anything for TV. He's like, yeah, man, it's not why I fucking left it or anything. Because they make like the fucking motorcycle. That motorcycle story. Holy shit. Well, they wanted us to jump through the fucking...
I remember they were like, "Oh, what happens if you had a motorcycle and you jumped it through a flaming ring?" And I was like, "What the fuck are you guys talking about?" What does that have to do with guns? Well, there's a machine gun, there's a... What was the OG... Wait, wait.
What the Kalashnikov is based off, it's not, but it's the original German... The StG-44. StG-44, yes. The Sturmgewehr. Yeah. So the Sturmgewehr, StG-44, old, it was like one of the first assault rifles, hence the name assault. The very first. Yeah, Sturmgewehr actually means assault, and that's a rifle, so it's... A storm rifle. Yeah. History. That is part of that. You fuckers learned something. What, you mean it's not from AR assault rifle? That doesn't...
But you had to mount that. And then they were like, we can jump it through a flaming hoop. And then also how you reverse engineer shit. I've showed you guys on, you buy the vehicle, this broke down old vehicle. And it's not that way. So on the show, it's like, oh, we bought this rusted piece of shit. And then we had to restore it. What you're actually doing is, hey, I bought a new thing. I'm taking it apart. I'm putting chocolate and butter.
cinnamon cinnamon cinnamon on it to make it look like it's rusted and broken up and then I take pictures and film that and then we scrub it off and then it's back together so it's like the fucking before after photos the diet shit where they're just like they take a photo in the morning post-gym like shredded and then they just fucking gorge themselves on like potato chips and just get
They shat it up! They reverse filmed that. Yes! And that's everything. Everything. That's why my dad watches a bunch of reality TV and he's like "Man look at this, it's so cool!" I'm like, that's not real. It's fake? It ruins a dude if not real? It's not real? What? Honestly that was like a wake call because I knew a lot of it was bullshit.
You just don't love how much of it was bullshit until you showed me the before and after pictures and explained how that bike breakdown went. I was like, oh my God. Tank everything. You're just like, what the ever? Yeah, that's right. You guys did the tank thing as well. Everything's just sent. If you need rust and to look decrepit and shitty, cinnamon and chocolate.
And it is. These guys would never have known. No. I saw the show before you told me. See, I've never watched the show. Good. Don't. You said season one you thought was...
Season one that didn't air. Oh, what? I have all that. No shit. The one that aired is completely different than what aired. Like, what I have... So they did an entire season they didn't fucking release? Yes, because the gun stuff and all that happened. Because it was initially all about guns, and then it changed to, like...
history gun but like motorcycle yeah and that's where it like completely shift but you see how executives work and you see how like networks and all that stuff and they're so archaic and behind the times that's the main issue and then you have old people and these people with terrible ideas video games anything you're like you could have metal gear solid and you'd be like oh okay main character is solid snake and he fights metal gear rex and uh the gray fox liquid snakes the bad guy
Boom. Here's your concept. What do you want to do with it? Okay. Well, let's just cross out solid snake immediately. That sounds like a penis and I don't like it. So we will go with the rock Rambo. We don't want our young fantastic. Our young audience is thinking about salad snakes. That's so good. It's business people who are good at business, but they're not creatives like we are. Yeah.
And you can't come into our creative world and fuck this in the ass. Well, they do. But they do. Constantly. If you want to run the accounting side of things, fantastic. You're probably better at it than the creatives. But let us fucking write it. Maybe that's why The Witcher did so well. No one's going to go to Henry Cavill and tell him to his face, like, this is not how it should be because he would say...
Also, like, hey, this is a fucking jacked dude on a lot of steroids who's been training with a sword for six months. Like, I'm not going to tell him shit. I mean, he's got a sword with him right now. I'm not going to say no today. We're not going to tell him. Hey, Todd, for marketing, you go, and he's like mid-swing. It's like the scene from The Mountain.
He's like, what's up, Mark? He's like, so Henry, we've had a slight change. I've heard you wanted to fuck with my idea. I had a slight change. Yeah, he's just swinging. Yeah, so Henry, this change in the script, you might...
And he was just like, "Woo!" Yeah, you just hear that, "Sweetie!" What was it? What did you want to say? Mark's just like, "Oh, feel free to say no!" You're like, "You keep doing what you were doing." Oh my god. You do you, Henry. You do you. Never mind, it's cool. It was just an idea we had in accounting. It's not important. Keep with the lore of the show, Henry.
Honestly, this was a fucking intern. We're firing them tomorrow. Just terror. Just panic. We're saying to stop fucking up our cool shit. Oh, man. Because you can look at any video game. I mean, like, Dead or... Oh, my God. Dead or Alive. Don't.
Have you guys... Why are you fighting games? House of the Dead. House of the Dead. Okay. Have you seen this? That's the shooter game, the arcade game, right? Have you seen the movie? No. I heard it was fucking awful. Can we... Okay, we're going to do another Posse Posse and we're going to watch the trailer for this real fast because it's completely worth this reaction right now. Oh, no. Okay, so this guy... What's his... Bilo, Balo... This guy, the director... Oh, Yui Bol. Yui...
Yeah. I know. That fucker. I don't understand why he has any clout in Hollywood. It's so weird. They give him millions of dollars per movie. And his movies all suck. They all bomb. Like so fucking bad. And that's why they're like, this guy has to be like a money laundering or something. Because there is not one where it's like, oh,
It was slightly decent. It's like, these are fucking... No. Like in the Rampage movies that he made. Wait, he was the new guy that did the Rampage movies? He directed the Rampage series, and then after 2 and 3, it was all just like, eat the rich. I've never seen this movie. I want to watch this now. I think I'd rather watch Ranch 15. Equally as terrible. Okay, I'm not going to lie.
I watched Rage 15 like two weeks ago just so I could find the picture of the scene of Eli to send him a picture of it. That's why I sent it to you. It was awful. I couldn't finish it. No. It was so bad. Well, anyway.
But Tim Kennedy is in it. He's so badass. Way to go, JT. Thanks for that, bud. Oh, God. That is literally House of the Dead trailer right there. That is how bad video game movies. Like, you just have a concept. And that was a $5 million or $10 million budget. Oh, my God. Jesus. But the $10 million budget for the movie? That's super low budget.
I mean, yes, relative. But for that quality, for that quality... We could do that better with like 30 grand. Yeah. Yeah, I want to shoot a movie. What if someone gave us a million dollars and said make a Hollywood movie? Oh, that's never happened before on this crew. Range 15. How'd that go? Yeah, I'm going to talk like this the entire movie. Day and all the way.
That's not Dan, that's uh... Or whatever his fucking name is. Ross. Ross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross. Ross.
That is impossible. The story for House of the Dead was already pretty cool. It was two investigators, a man and a woman. They were just going in and figuring out why people were missing. And suddenly it's like, oh, fuck, there's creatures here. Yeah. You could have done something with that. And the start of that, there was a rave and a party on an arch of kids trying to have premarital sex. But zombies wanted one thing. Flesh.
And then it cuts to the weird pirate scene. Yeah, what the fuck? So I haven't seen... I didn't. I was lost. Good experiments are not of God. I thought I accidentally did some acid when we watched that trailer. When you're confused by the trailer, that is a good sign. Can we watch shitty movie trailers? Dude, we need to do a react. Like a movie react. We just need to watch shitty movies. Period. Bingo. We can do bingo. Bingo night with bad trailers. That's perfect. But all video game movies go down that terrible...
So terribly. Someone with money and no creativity gets a hold of it and just fucks it in the ass. So Hollywood. Oh, Hollywood. That's what it is. Fantastic. We've quarantined them to one section of California. It's too bad they have creative control over all of our movies. Yeah. Disney's doing it right. They have, what's it, John... John Favreau. John Favreau is... Favreau. He's fucking murdering it. He's Star Wars God.
He's the one that created the MCU. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Iron Man. And then that just catapulted everything to a weird... It was the first good superhero movie ever. Yes. Like... Well, okay, okay. Spider-Man 1 and 2 with Tobey Maguire were fucking amazing. All right. Spider-Man... 3 got weird with like the...
Like, that was weird. Pizza time. Pizza time. Like, Spider-Man 1 and 2 with William Dafoe, Big Dick William Dafoe. Yeah, Big Dick Daddy. James DeFranco, like, early in the, yeah. Yeah, those were fantastic movies. James DeFranco? Yeah, you're right, you're right. That was, yeah. William Dafoe's son and Green Goblin's kid, whatever his fucking name was, I don't remember. But those were good. But you're right. Like, the Iron Man movie was like,
The re-inventation of superheroes in Hollywood. Yeah. Like, holy fuck. I think that was the first time they've ever done an overarching plot on fucking 20 movies. Oh, yeah. That's insane, too. Back over the whole Avengers universe and shit like that. There were three phases planned out for 10 years prior to anything happening. Yeah. Dude, the nerdy part of me, fucking thanks God that fucking Endgame came out six months before COVID. Yeah.
Could you imagine that? Waiting an extra year for it. The DCU is royally rushed. Let's just not. I just don't even want to. They're like, see what the MCU is doing. They're like, these guys are like 40 films ahead of us. What if we make it all muted blue colors and try to be serious, but we're not? Put it all into one real quick. Okay, we'll do like one movie for each one, and that's good enough. And they're like, what about The Flash and Wonder Woman?
And the robot guy, Cybertron. Cyborg. All those movies that suck. Yeah, and they're like, okay, well, they kind of, well, most of them. So bad. It's because every time you separate one piece of the Justice League, they're like, ooh, that's going to bomb. Because they write it so edgy. What about Suicide Squad?
Look, I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. Oh, I hated it. Like, Suicide Squad with Will Smith. That Suicide Squad. I just don't like Margot Robbie in that fucking movie. I feel like they could have done a little better. I don't know. We're going to talk about the Joker real quick. Like, we're just going to pretend that didn't happen. What was that Joker? Joker? Like, the new one? No, not that one. Oh, oh, oh. With Margot Robbie. Got it, got it, got it. What's his name? Lead singer of...
36th of March. 36th of March. Yeah, yeah. Amazing singer. Holy fuck. Jared Leto. Jared Leto. Jared Leto, yeah. I'm sure it's not his fault the Joker sucked, but the creative control of that Joker was... Hold on real quick. You gotta cover... He's got those stupid tattoos everywhere. God, I hate...
God, I hate this so much. And I almost liked where they were going with it with like the fucking cartel Joker kind of shit, but it just didn't work. They just fucking... They didn't set it up. They just like dropped. It's like, this is the thing. Good luck. Enjoy the background that doesn't exist. That's when a studio rushes the idea of like, hey, this is what we want to do. We're just going to rush this out to market in order to try to make some bucks off of what the industry is doing. So we know we had Superman movies and we had that one Batman movie, but like...
here are the villains. They're all dead now. And you're like, it's good, right? But then you look at the Thor. Was Thor a Ragnarok as well? It was so fucking good. That writer, because that was when he took over directing, I forget his name. Jaiko Watiti.
I'm a cultured motherfucker. He was the rock guy. He is the rock guy, yeah. I'm cold. Yeah, I don't know. I'm made of rock. It's a rock, paper, scissors joke for you. Like one of the greatest characters ever. Amazing. And he wrote that in because they were like, hey, we got to do this. I'm a rock guy.
But you know some exec was like, "That's a stupid fucking idea." And he's like, "No, it relates to people and people are gonna love it." And he's like, "No. It's gonna stay in." And there was a battle and there was a fight. He's a boat with knives for hands. He's alright. It's a circle, but you can't really go around on the circle. "Oi, hi. Oi, piss off, ghost." It's so good! Like all the one-liners! Every line was perfect!
That's when you let someone who's creative have their fucking creativity in a superhero movie. I think it was like Thor 2 where they realized the current Thor didn't work all that well and then they're like, alright, we need somebody to change this shit up a little bit. Just bring in someone new and that dude just slays it.
because Ragnarok is one of my favorites without a doubt it's so good it's visually fucking in your face it's vibrant it's wonderful everything about it it's also got some fucking cyberpunk vibes going yeah that's what I'm saying it's visually like everything about it is just like bright yeah and the comedic beats are on it's like why Deadpool works it's the comedic beats for Deadpool and
are on fucking point. You can go back and watch that every time. Every single time you're gonna laugh. It doesn't matter. It's the same joke. I'm gonna watch it tonight when you guys leave. Jeff Goldblum is a bad guy. Right. And he's such a sweet man too. Like, even though he's evil. God, see, like everything about that. It's just movies when they take themselves too serious or anything like that. They just go downhill.
Video game movies, unfortunately, just follow that trend where it's like, we gotta be serious. Silent Hill. I think that's why we're all here, is because we don't fucking take ourselves that seriously. No! Because it's like, as soon as you start taking yourself super seriously, you cross the border into cringe. Yeah, you're a cringe bag. Yeah, Grinch bag.
I'm sorry, I love you. I didn't say that. He doesn't lift weights. I haven't passed him on YouTube yet, so I can't say anything. I love him. I'm kidding. I love you. I love you. Yeah, we don't. None of us. Like, I'll never be the serious gun guy. We can't. No. I want to be nerdy anime weeb dude that does gun stuff every once in a while. You're not going to see me at the fucking gun range. Like,
doing hardcore fucking trial runs and yeah you were talking you were talking about company we were talking about last night a company an ad wanted probably all of us before but you were saying specifically a company wanted you to just shoot still yeah like like that literally isolates me from my that's like me being like donut do uh anti-police videos you'd be like wait you don't do those
did you want to suck on my wiener? Like you have that mix, but it's like, it's doing the exact opposite of what it's like. AK guy run plates also, or do some AR 15 videos.
I've done that for money. Super serious with shaking hands. A lot of money. If they pay me enough, I'll fucking do it. I'll do anything. I'll suck any dick for that. If you give me an MP7 HK, I swear to God, I'll swallow all you want. I will gargle the balls. Swallow the gravy. Jack Black and Tropic Thunder.
Such a good movie. God damn it. You couldn't have shit like that anymore, man. That, that type of comedy is just, well, dude, did you see the fucking Joe Rogan where Robert Downey Jr. Was on it talking about tropic thunder? Like I was in blackface in that movie.
And he's like, my mother's like, Bobby, I don't think that's a good idea. He's like, I was so fucking paranoid about it. And then like, as soon as the movie came out, everybody got on Ben Stiller for making fun of retarded people. And he's like, whoa. All right. Fuck. Thank Christ. I forgot. Yeah. Because you have that is perfect example of like, you're just like, is it going to go? Is the hate going to go to me?
Or somebody else right now. That's the kind of humor that's gone away, man. I fucking hate that. Like in the last 10 years. We've talked about it. It's non-existent anymore, man. You don't get that raunchy, fun comedy anymore. The shitty part is that it still exists. You just can't do it publicly. No, exactly. Everybody still fucking does it. Everybody. We don't. I mean, we don't. We don't. Because we're... They're partnered. Fuck Batty.
Consensually. Unrelated idea, but... I let him... Oh, man. That's why our humor is slowly dying out on YouTube, especially. They're starting to fucking get us all, bud. Yeah, that's the hardest part, watching a lot of those content creators. A lot of people like to hide that. They pretend like that's not...
how they act with their friends anymore, man. I know so many creators on YouTube who just can't say how they feel. Yeah. Comedians do. I mean, comedians have actually done broadcasts about this. They won't go to colleges in specific states anymore because they know they will get hate for their jokes. So they stay away from certain colleges because of that. It's like Dave Chappelle, Bill Burr. All those guys are like, yeah, we just won't go to those areas anymore because we'll get crucified for...
Nothing. Nothing. Making a fucking joke. Weird. It's a joke. And it's now taking literal. And you're like, when, like Dave Chappelle got heat for all his last couple of shows. And you're like, what? This man's just a comedian. And now comedians start it with, it's like, I'm going to get in trouble for this. I'm going to say, here we go. Hey, this is a joke.
Cancel culture. I know you're coming for me. I think that was Bill Burr's last fucking Netflix special. He's like, all right, well, now this is going to be my fucking, my last comedy special, but here we go. Oh, Brad, it's wild, man. Bill Burr is so good. That one was shit, but yeah. It's perfect. It's beautiful. Oh, thank you.
People don't know how to just laugh anymore, I feel like. No, just don't take yourself serious. Have fun. Laugh at what needs to be... The people that we're talking to right now aren't listening, so that's great. Executives, stop fucking with our superhero in video game movies, okay? Henry Cavill, if you want to come on to this podcast and people listening, go bug him on his podcast.
Not while he's holding a sword. Outside of that, but just definitely bombard him with joining this podcast. Does he live in Texas? I don't know. I feel like he does. Henry Cavill, we love you. So much, honestly. Thank you. Or Ryan Reynolds. Eli will suck your dick if you come out here. That's your thing. Ryan Reynolds. It's a good podcast. We won't be on the podcast. You can just talk on your own. We'll leave. Okay.
Now we leave. Any monologues for an hour? Just text us if you need some door dash. Henry, can you clap for me? Thank you. Okay. Have fun, Mr. Cavill. Over in the corner, just fucking looking off. Henry Cavill, just talk about the Witcher. Just a bunch of shit in the corner. You ain't wrong. Taint wrong. What are we on time? Good enough. Good.
Close it out, buddy. So, Mr. AKG, Mr. Brenner, thank you for coming on to unsubscribe. Where can we find you to watch all your bullshit? Don't. For the love of Christ. Perfect. Okay, so I'm Batty Streams. We have Eli Double Tap here and Donut Operator. And of course...
The AK guy. You can find him everywhere online as TheRealBrandHer or TheAKGuy. Please give him a follow on all his dumb shit. And now on Twitch. Yeah. The real Brandon Herrera because the fake one was taken. Yeah, and he plays Tarkov when he's not streaming, which is really weird. You know he's addicted. I am addicted. It's not healthy. Hear that chat? Video games not... I called everybody chat.
