6 - Tifa vs Aerith 54:22

Okay. All right, Simmer. We're just getting our claps in. Donut. Clapping what? Go. Hi, everyone. Donut here. This is the Unsubscribe podcast, and welcome to our shenanigans where we normally talk about video game things, but sometimes we go into Pokemon. This is Mr. Eli Double Tap.

Oh my god. Oh, we started this one off real. Bleep that one out real quick. Maybe the algorithm is not... Pokemon, boop. Yeah. Pokemon, boop. We just talked about Pokemon here. Yay. Batty Streams. Batty... It's just... Dude, people be coming into my stream now and they're like, what's up, Batty Streams? I'm like, you fucker. I love your... How dare you, Batty Streams? We call them sprinkles. Why are you drinking water?

That's not ranch water. That's just water. This is regular water. I'm losing my voice again. You need to put some ranch in that. Yeah. Where's your ranch water at? You were supposed to do the ranch. Oh, no. What if we put ranch dressing into ranch water and it's ranch ranch water? Ranch ranch dressing water? Ranch. If we put ranch and water. Okay, so I'm going to take these away from you. We could put ranch in it and water into the ranch water. So it's ranch ranch water water? Ranch.

The universe collapses on itself. You're just divided by zero. Batty, where's your pitch for ranch water? It's your turn. So, I had bronchitis because Donut Sun gave me bronchitis. And mono. No. Whoa. And mono. No. So, I had bronchitis, which then turned into some kind of shitty throat infection. But not COVID, so that's great. I've had my brain poked so many times for these COVID tests. How is this an ad for ranch water right now? I'm explaining why I'm drinking water. So...

Donuts gave me mono and ranch water. China, they're doing COVID tests by sticking things in your ass now. Are you joking? I don't know. That's amazing. Yeah, the new COVID test. Oh, I did see that. Is it that real? It's an ass swab now.

And then they do your throat with the same thing. The same one. I don't know. Double dipping. I don't know if it's a meme, but they're talking. I mean, that has to be a meme. I don't know if you're joking right now. Is this, are you, is this joking donut? I've seen it too. Yeah. I've seen it on social media. I don't know if it's real or not. Oh, okay. So this isn't, you just, this isn't a bit. You guys actually saw this somewhere. Oh, fuck. I'm an actual doctor now. My penis is a swab test for COVID. Is that what you told the ladies? Yeah.

Excuse me, ma'am. Your COVID test is due. You're a COVID negative. Oh, my God. Listen here, Mono. Can't even do it. Just a simple plug. You go on a sad story being a victim with bronchitis and Mono. Okay, that's a good... What you said is a good, like, Batty does the TikTok. I don't do that shit. Be like, ranch water, ranch water. Oh, ting. Bro. Bro.

Interprojectile. Well, I'm drinking. Thanks, guys. Oh, man. Our creative brains have worked. Way too similar. I can't wait until my throat closes up on me. This will be great. Get better genetics. I'm a ginger. I already lost that pool, bud. That is very true. You know, after meeting you, I looked up if Hitler killed gingers. Did he? He didn't. No. No.

Even though you're inferior. You are the 1%. You stop it. Gingers are great, dude. Gingers are great. Gingers are great. I think every ginger I've ever met has had a huge personality. To be completely honest. You can just say I have a giant dick. They gotta make up for eating souls of kittens. No, that's why we have a huge personality. Because as we absorb souls... Absorbing personalities? So it just keeps growing. How many souls have you...

I don't have time to count all my freckles. Yeah, he's got like a thousand freckles. I got a lot of freckles, man. That's where they're counting. Yeah, every freckle on a ginger is a soul they've stolen. You got some big souls. I mean, there's some really big freckles I can see from here. Why did that feel like an insult? Why did that feel like that hurt? I don't know why that was mean, but it hurt.

God damn. I like you looked over at your freckles like, what's that even mean? What's a big soul mean? Ranch water's good. Drink it. Ranch water. There's your fucking... Do you guys like video games? Yeah, I know. Today's topic, we'll talk about our first love and passion of video games. Eris.

- Huh? - Aerith. - That was the, I mean, I wasn't talking about that passion, but that was the good, over Tiffa? - What was yours? - Over Tiffa or Aerith. - Oh yeah, dude, oh man. - Tiffa or, he doesn't know either of them. - Anarchy Online, I have no idea what you guys are talking about right now. - No, Tiffa or Aerith, did you play Final Fantasy VII? - Your first, okay, okay, literally your first love. - Oh, we're talking about people in video games? - Yeah! - Oh, I thought we were talking about video games that we loved. - Well, that's what we were going with. - Oh, your first video game character. - Do you remember Aerith? - Lara Croft, man, with her triangle titties. - Those were hot bucks. - Ooh, Tomb Raider. - You remember Final Fantasy VII?

No, it's off my mind. Okay. We'll just block him out this episode. So what we're going to do is on the YouTube video, we're going to put a big picture of Arison. Yeah. Peace.

Really? Yeah, dude. Where's your phone? Okay, don't know. Well, me and Batty had this heated discussion. Look up Tifa versus Aerith and he's going to make the final call on a battle I already know who has won. Really? I mean, dude. Oh, man. Never mind. Was it the long, dirty sundress that got you?

I don't know. What? Why can't I just, I liked her more than Tiffa. But why? She had like, what qualities? That's Tiffa. Oh, fuck. Come on. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. But, but,

Come on. That pink dress, dude. It's definitely not Batty's type. What's the other one? Aerith. Aerith. Aerith. I mean, Batty's type has changed over time. That is true. Really? Absolutely. It was the sundress and the flowers that really got me. It was those weird bangs. Stop it. They're both pretty. Let me see what you got. Hold on. Let me find a good full line. Like, you're going to meet Aerith at church. Yeah, that's true.

That like literally you're gonna meet that girl at church. God damn though, come on! She's like, I really love what's that are doing to come and hang out after work. We can come to church. Tiffa's like, I'm... Yeah, she wants to go to the gym with you. Shut the fuck up. Fuck yeah, she does. And then OG Tiffa? She does. Even like... Then boobies. Every thing they play, she's like wearing a dress. What's wrong with the dress? Your girl, you were talking, you like the other one, right? Yeah. He likes the whore. Oh.

Oh, wow. She does not get around. First off, Tiffa is not a whore, okay? She just has boobs. Whore fight of all time. She had some huge boobs for the PlayStation era. My Final Fantasy character is way harder than your Final Fantasy character. I just want you to know that. She's a whore. You like dudes. As we're talking about.

- Oh, well, okay, so Tomb Raider's a good choice. - Okay, oh. - Yeah. - But this is not the conversation. - The actual conversation. - You got us on another tangent. - I was busy thinking about boobies, let me alone. - So how's it feel to be wrong, though? - I'm not wrong. - Viewers, if you could just comment, tiffa. - Everyone, whether it's on YouTube, in your review, please put either tiffa or Aerith, whoever your favorite Final Fantasy VII thought was. I need to know, Eli needs to know,

And Cloud slowly unzips Batty's pants. He gets onto his knees. To reveal his buster sword. He grasps it in his firm calloused fingers. I'm gonna throw up.

- Okay, what is the first game that, okay you said RuneScape? RuneScape was your OG jam? - No, Anarchy Online. - Oh yeah, that was your-- - The game that you played more than anything, like you didn't wanna get up, you didn't wanna move, you're like, "No, ground me, I don't give a fuck!" Like that was the game? - Anarchy Online is the one that I remember, but the first game ever that I wouldn't get up from so much, I pissed my pants and my dad wouldn't let me play it was Super Mario World 3.

Yeah. I remember playing it and I was playing it and like I was at the end of the level and I didn't want to get up and I didn't do it on purpose. I just accidentally pissed myself because I was holding it, holding it, holding it, holding it and I pissed myself. I was like seven and then my dad saw that I pissed myself while playing a game and so he like super cut my video game time for the next year.

That sucked. Dad, I can't pause it. It's an online game. Or you could pause this one. Super Mario. This is 100% pause any time in the game. It's a very possible game. Yeah, but I just pissed myself. Dad, I'm so...

He wasn't there watching me. How did he find out? Because I'm a stupid kid, so you can't hide anything. So I took my pants off and put them in the floor of the bathroom like a child would do. I'm trying to hide what I did, so I'm just going to put my pissy pants in the floor where everyone's going to find it. Like...

So, yeah, that happened. Oh, man. I shit myself on purpose one time. Do you want to hear that? Yeah. Yes. You can know. I'm not going to answer no to that. I was like nine. And it's funny because that's the first time I ever said fuck that day, too. So I was in the lunchroom and Miss Abel at Midway Elementary. That bitch. In Lindell, Georgia.

She wouldn't let me go poop during lunch. I was like, I got to go poop. She was like, you're not going to get up. I was like, I got to go poop. She was like, you're not going to the bathroom. I looked her in the eyes and shit my pants. I was like, well, I pooped. My dad came and picked me up. I had a half day of school that day. He wasn't even mad. He was mad at them. That is the most savage kid thing you can do. That's pretty fucking hard. You just started as...

I mean, you inserted your dominance the best way you can. Dude, fuck the man in my room. Yeah. And then I became a cop. I need to poop. No. I looked her in the eyes and shit myself. And I was like, this is your problem now. And you know you were nine, so you weren't like doing a cold stone face. You were like this. The tension on the cheeks. And the lips. It's turning red. Yeah. The veins on your neck kicked up. And she's like, what are you doing? What are you doing?

I'm done. She knew. I can't remember it, but I imagine her face. Knowing I'm shitting in the lunchroom. Her face is probably just like... What the fuck's wrong with this car? She tells that story completely different. I know. When someone asks, what's the worst student you ever had? That's her story. Let me tell you what about Cody from Lindale, Georgia. In 1996... This little...

It's a shithead. I hope she dies in her sleep thing. Very peacefully at the old age of 95. I don't want her to die. I'm just kidding. I'm sorry, Miss Abel. I'm sorry, Miss Abel.

She's probably dead already, to be honest. You made eye contact with someone while you were pooping. We were all in the military. We've all made eye contact with somebody while shitting. I don't like it, though. But you've done it. I don't like it. Do you remember being in some old shitty base on a port-a-shitter? There's no barriers, just a hole and a bench. And you're just like, your elbows touch another man. You're like, y'all gotta play the...

Just staring at the wall, but there's another fucking set of dudes right there. Well, Pax has that Stahls. It's half Stahls.

For like at the event downstairs because that's where like druggies and stuff. So they were like, oh, how do we solve this? Well, we'll just cover this portion. So the stalls literally go here. Wait, wait, wait. Like Penny Arcade Exposition. Yes. Yes. It's south or? In Seattle. Oh, prime. Yeah, PAX prime. The toilets downstairs on the first floor of the Expo Center all go to here. So I was like, oh, they're hip. Have you ever seen that?

They go to like your elbows. Yes. Is where the, so like I was like, I got a shit and I walk in and I'm like, there's a, I was like, uh, Oh, this line isn't that bad. It's like halfway. So I can shit pretty quick. So I like walk in and I'm like, yeah, that dude is shitting and, and he's staring at me.

Did you just turn around and walk out? No, I took a picture. I was like, I've never seen Stahlsberg. The best part is this. The dude sees me. I was like, what the fuck? And you just see a humble girl like this.

He just bent over to hide himself. I didn't even make an eye contact during this. I was like, why do they have half doors? It's the weirdest fucking thing. Weirdest thing. At a modern gaming convention. Yeah, I left and went to someplace else to poop. Okay, so I went to E3 in 2019 and I've never smelled anything.

The worst. A bathroom's so bad. Even in the military, I never spelled a bathroom so bad. The combination of people who don't bathe plus whatever their diets are. Dude, if you're a nerd, fucking, if you go to a convention, take a goddamn shower, please. Put deodorant on. Fuck. Wash a little bit.

One time. Just that first day, please. Maybe the third day. Like, sure, take a day off. Whatever. Just take a shower. Get some baby wipes. Clean yourself if you don't want to get in the water. The evil water. Yeah, man. Baby wipes. Get the sink and just do this a little bit. Just pits, fucking dick and ass. Like, get your shit sorted, man. It's not that hard.

That's why there's the meme, like the dude that on Reddit blew up where he was just taking photos at the Magic the Gathering tournament. Oh, the peace sign guy. Yeah, the prayer. Yeah, the prayer thing. And they kicked him out of all the Magic the Gathering tournaments. For like two years. He was doing it behind people with their ass cracks. But it was like dozens of pictures.

Like whole asses sometimes. Yeah, he's just like that the entire time. Oh, man. What's that guy's name? I want to get him on the podcast. That would be rad. He would probably come out for it. Oh, absolutely. 100%. Hey, dude. Bro. Prayer guy. Prayer MTG man. Prayer booty man. Booty prayer magic gathering guy. Yeah, you want to come shoot some guns and hang out with the boys? And drink ranch water. Ranch water. We got you, boy.

Ranch and water. So you had Mario 3, Super Mario Brothers 3. What was yours, Eli? You pissed your pants too. What was the game that, even if you didn't piss yourself, what was the game that you would have pissed yourself to play? I had two. Okay, well, let's break this up into two different things. You have your PC, because I think that's a different level of video game like...

latch on. Yeah. Like my PlayStation games. You gave me those old school games. Metal Gear Solid. Metal Gear Solid. I played. I want to go back and play that so bad. Like the first one. I mean, I used to be able to quote the entire fucking game. Like, you're out with your socks. Yeah. No, look, snake. Yeah.

What's a Russian gunship doing here? Indeed. That's it. That's exactly. And then it's like, they're going to America. Man, I can quote that whole goddamn game. Stop it. Beat it through all of it. Got all the ranks. Big boss. Like,

just played that so goddamn much. You go through the first event on the first story because it's faster. You don't have to worry about anything and it's faster to traverse if you do kill three people when you have stealth camouflage. Gray Fox, they won't give you the speech about being a stealth killer. Yeah, I know. Spin in three circles, go left, right, A, B, down. Exactly. The game's done. And I'm like, bam! But that, I played way

way too many times. I had that game just shut down. Yeah, memorize. You had the whole thing done, yeah. That's when like, I would just see how fast I could beat it before speed running once. Yeah. Just like run it as fast as possible. It was the best. Did you do that because you loved it and that was your game or was that like the only game that you had at the time? I wasn't.

I had games at that time. But that was like your shit. That was my shit. Yeah, that didn't deal with poverty. That was just my game. I've seen those judging eyes. Those are not judging eyes. I only say that because there were times when I had a game and it's all I could play because my parents couldn't buy me any more games. Because our parents sucked, man. Why didn't y'all get better jobs, guys? Oh, man. It's a four...

I love you, mother and father, if you're listening. I love you guys. We're playing. We're playing. We love you. We're going to shit on you. I'm playing. We love you guys. You gave us life. I did that. Resident Evil 2, I put in a lot of hours. But the first one, EverQuest, and EverQuest definitely dumped just...

Hours. Sucked your soul out of your body. 40-hour raids were fine. 24 to 40-hour raids, you're like, okay. Or like camping spots. You just sit there for that, like 40 hours. Cool. I'll just get up and pee. Oh, I just killed the placeholder. Get up, pee, eat real quick, come back.

Start the rotation. And you start a time. Yeah, just go, go, go. Whatever it was. And you just sit there and get whatever piece of gear. You would live that life. You would never log out. Miss lots of school from it. But it's EverQuest. I didn't give a... That was... I mean, that was one of the first MMOs. So you're in that world. You're having a good time. You're meeting new people. Yep. And when you're a badass in that game, you're a fucking badass. Wow. Everyone knew you were good.

Not in the real world. Okay, okay. I thought that's where you were going with that. He was still in high school. Super deep.

Not doing anything. I don't know how I never... I found Anarchy Online through a GamePro article. I didn't know what EverQuest was, but I got into Anarchy Online, which was around the same time period, but it was sci-fi. And I fell in love with that the same way. And I would spend... I almost felt like middle school and the first half of high school playing Anarchy Online. It was the same shit, though. It was an MMO, so you get with friends, you do raids.

Yeah. And it consumes you. Well, I was going to say it consumes the fuck out of your life. Holy shit. There were times where my friends would be like, you want to come out and like hang out with chicks that really like you? And I'm like, no, even like, you know, like prepubescent me fucking wanting to hang out with chicks really bad would be like, no, I got a raid. You'll have a raid at 8 p.m. They really need me. My GPS is next level.

I'll see you guys later. Yeah, we did Jared going. So that's the dude that got me involved on EverQuest. He was like the kid in our apartment complex. He had the game and we would sit at the bus stop. He's telling me about it. I was like, I want this. Yeah. He invited me over one day and like, it was like, the fuck am I watching right now? Cause that's like a mind blowing experience. No computers. And then going into that and I'm like, and he started a,

Drow or dark elf in that game. He's like there you have like night vision. You can actually see your problem started young Yes, and I was like walking around was like, oh, what do I do here? Oh, why'd that guard kill me? Oh, you're you worship the wrong God so he doesn't like you Okay, so shit he's like did you have anything I was like, oh my starting stuff He's like, well, you have to go back and get I was like, oh

Huh? Who? He's like, wait, what? I have to go get my stuff? He's like, yeah, you have to go collect it. I was like, oh man, this game would be crazy the stronger you get. And then you get stronger, the world's gigantic, and it's just that whole exploring and everything. So I was like, oh, I love it. Batty? What? Man, so...

I hate to even bring it up because this has been like four... It was Pokemon, man. Without a doubt, early Game Boy. That was your jam? Dude, holy... Red, blue, and... It was red, and then gold and silver. I had both of them, and then eventually crystal, and that one came out. But like...

Oh my god. My Game Boy was everywhere I was. I had spare batteries. I had the lights and shit because this was before the Game Boy had the backlight. I didn't have a Game Boy Color with the backlight. Yeah, you gotta have the little light attachment that hangs over it. Because there was no backlight on the Game Boy. So it was, dude, that. That was a lot of my childhood. But if we're talking console stuff...

Because I didn't do a lot of PC gaming because it was the family computer. But when I did, I was always on StarCraft. StarCraft 2, Brood War. Dude, Battle.net. Any chance I could get online, I would sneak online at night, you know, like hoping the modem wasn't too fucking loud. Dude, straight up just praying so I could sneak on and fucking get on Battle.net to get in some StarCraft 2 games or StarCraft games.

That was fucking brutal. But the first RPG that was like, well, goodbye world. Morrowind and Oblivion, the two Elder Scroll games. Because I got into Morrowind a little later than its launch. Morrowind was so good. Dude, Morrowind was amazing. That water was so mind-blowing back in the day. Yeah, holy shit, right? It's like this game's graphics will never get past this. Oblivion, though, was the first RPG that I did...

everything in there was nothing I did not do for oblivion elder scrolls for oblivion you did literally everything I actually got into a review of game informer magazine way back in the day because I did a bunch of I used to write all the time about oblivion because that was the first time that was when DLCs were coming out you know you used to be able to go out and you'd buy your fucking DLC disc and

And you'd have to download off the disc because you weren't getting that shit offline half the time. You couldn't do that. So I remember Game Informer every month would come with a disc and you'd get like fucking trials to like the horse armor, the most memed fucking DLC ever. I don't give a fuck. I had that horse armor and I fucking loved it.

But yeah, I got into a couple different articles of Game Informer just because I was writing about Oblivion so much because I was playing it so much and I knew every single fucking thing about that game. Brad, you're wrong from Game Informer. Technically, you have to start the quiz this way. I'm actually in... Not Game Informer. What was the other ones? God, there was like...

Nintendo Power. Tips and Tricks. Yep. Tips and Tricks. I was in that for... Not around anymore. Not now. All those weird... They all died, I think. Yeah, I think so. Tips and Tricks. I was in one of the issues for... I had one issue for drawing and then one issue for Armored Core. Dude, Armored Core! Dude. Holy shit! Why is there not a new Armored Core? PS3 was the last one. That's what I'm saying. Dude, Armored Core was like the first...

Straight up. It was Gundam on crack. You could make you could completely customize your your armored core your robot different guns missile launchers on your back. You could put everything in you'd make your dude too heavy so he couldn't move fast, but he was armored as fuck and

Oh, God, Armored Core was so good. It was so, it was like, that was my jam. And number two, I wrote in, it was like, hey, my mech can destroy any one of your mechs. That thing, because you would write in your exact build, and then they would test it and compete with all the other mechs. I had the one that won all the, the entire tournament for Tips and Tricks. That was one, it was like my proud moment. And my boy Jordan, God, that was high school.

Jordan Black. Shout out to Jordan. Yeah, Jordan Black, you're out there. He, during high school, we were sitting at lunch. He was like, you ever heard of Armor Corps? I was like, yeah, I have a pretty cool mech. I've played that before. Yeah, once or twice. He was like, my mech could crush yours. Going through the tournament, in the game you have a tournament system you go through. And I was like, I, I mean, he's like, yeah, come over, bring your mech. I was like, okay, put it on my plate. And like, you had your memory card. Your memory card, you'd bring your memory card everywhere you went back then. Yeah. And I was like, click.

And then I look at his mech, I was like, bro, your mech sucks. And he's like, no, it's going to be. And I fucking wrecked him. He was like, I can't do anything. What? That was like, we dodged it. Every attack just with your boosters. Yeah. And I had the, the nuke and the carousel. So I had like the full, the gangster build that. And I just destroyed him. He's like, this is like, like Gundam when I'm like a regular mech and you have like the Epion system. I was like, fuck yeah, bro. I built this to destroy Jordan black. Yeah.

Get rekt. Get rekt, son! I remember you from high school. You died like a bitch. Love you, Jordan. I hope you're living a wonderful life right now. Ranch water. Ranch water. But yeah, so you had, what, just Oblivion? What was your first PC? And then StarCraft. My first PC addiction was StarCraft Brood War. That and Diablo 2. But StarCraft Brood War was without a doubt. Woo!

man those 24-7 money maps like you do you remember the naming convention like of the old like battle.net because it was nothing old school battle.net is nothing like it is now no god no it's complete but it was like this weird like text box yeah exactly and it was just like green text and if you knew how to use some css you could fuck put different colors in your text and everyone's like well how do you do that and you just be like i just copy pasted it from another one i saw

That was the trick. And it was just like there was lobbies about porn and people would draw like custom maps. So they would have custom maps with the minerals and crystals and shit into like naked chicks and shit, dude. Oh my God. How many times did you jerk off to that, Batty?

Okay. Ranch water. Ranch water times. Man. Dude, yeah. StarCraft, though, that was... I was good at StarCraft Brood War, man. That was my life for a long time. I would just meme on people like ZergRush and out the gate just to be a dick. ZergRush. Imagine what I hate. I love where we are right now with the Twitch and everything. But dear God, I think the hours we could have dedicated to Twitch if we were younger at that time frame. Because I would have Twitched like...

Nonsense. I don't know about you. I would have just twitched the entire time. I'd be like, what's up, guys? Welcome to my 48-hour stream. I got into the game at 27 or 28. Your body can handle that. Batty does it. He's dying in front of us. 24 hours. He's like, well, I mean, I also do that a lot. My body is dying. What's your longest stream, Batty? 39 and a half hours. Straight. Non-stop.

Kings did a 48. So like, I was really mad because I was wide awake after I finished that 39. Like I was just bored. So I was like, I guess I'm just going to end now guys. I didn't know what else to fucking do. I'd been playing Tarkov for 39 and a half hours. I was like, see you later, I guess. And I was awake the rest of the day. I was like, I should have just stayed on. Like me at nine hours in stream. I'm like,

What day is it? Where have I been? Yeah, where? Who am I? No, I can just stay awake forever. Yeah. I don't sleep anyways. Imagine you streaming Anarchy at 15 euros. I played it for 12 hours straight anyways. No problem either. It was a big game back then. I could have had thousands of viewers, concurrent viewers. This is what you do with your... That's it. Imagine if we had known about this shit and started...

building our audience that long ago. No, I could play EverQuest for 20 to 30 hours forever. Until your fingers cramped. I would fall asleep on video games. I don't know if you guys do that. Oh yeah! Holy shit, dude. You fall asleep on your keyboard sometimes and wake up and there's little squares in your fucking face. The amount of times I'd fall asleep playing my old Game Boy and then my Game Boy would die and I'd have a panic attack when I woke up because I'd be like...

I turned it on, I'm like, sorry, I'm flicking the switch. It won't turn on. What was I doing? Did I save? Do you remember pre-autosave games? Yeah. Of course. We grew up. We were in the golden age of video games, man. We are, yeah. We're experiencing it still, you know? Yeah, which is really neat because, you know, video games are... We got to see the whole way. We got to see everything. No, the start to now and you get to experience it all.

It's just a glorious time. I mean, like, EverQuest, I'd fall asleep during auto-key when running. So I'd just, like, I'd be like, oh, auto-key, run, and let my guy go. And I just remember I'd be like, I woke up and my character's, like, on his binded area, like, where he died. Like, a bind area. I was like, I have no idea where I died. I died somewhere. Yeah, you died somewhere in this world. I was like, go to a zone. I'd be like, was it corpse find? Corpse find? It'd just be like...

Not locate. I'm like, it's not in this zone. Walk to the next one. Corpse find. And it just gives you a rough location. It's like, you have sent your body north. I'd be like, well. I guess I'm doing this for like three hours. Yeah. I've got to locate this body now. Dude, was EverQuest that big? Oh, here. OT. So we have, here's a good example. OT.

To take the boat from Oasis to OT. So Oasis to OT, I think the boat trip. Just the boat trip to go. So if you died one of these zones. This is just how you travel around. It's a 30-minute boat ride.

it's not like wow where you get on the blimp and it's no it zones you in you go like okay i gotta wait you just zone people in why do you have to sit on the boat why is that a game mechanic because this was how it was this was an experience okay i gotta wait for the boat you walk and you sit there no fuck that 15 or 30 minutes and you just sit there everyone would sit so you're talking make new friends you'd be like hey what's up man that was like morwen didn't you you were on one side of the map and you had to

there was no fast travel back then you just walked i guess there was a silt striders they kind of had fast travel yeah you got teleported you go up on the big things with the legs yeah it was just walking you go okay got on the boat and then you just sit on the boat but would wait for like five minutes and take off then it travels and it zones then it goes through that zone then it finally gets to ot and you pull up and you're like whoa i made it yeah let's go

And then hopefully you got to where you needed to bind and not die. Otherwise, you're doing that whole trip again. And that's one zone. In EverQuest, could you kill quest NPCs?

Yeah, they would. Oh, but they were really strong. So, yeah, I remember that. That was like a learning moment for me in gaming. In Morrowind, you could kill the main quest NPCs. They were tough. Oh, yeah. And then your game was just... A message would pop up on your screen being like, the moons and stars aren't aligned anymore. You've made a mistake that's irreversible. Oh, yeah.

But it was just like, what did I do? What the fuck was that? You killed the main quest line NPC or like a quest giver. So you can no longer finish the game. It's like, hope you fucking saved, bud. That shit was wild. Or like you'd have a guide quest and one of them would die.

And then you're just screwed. You're like, well, I can't play this game. It was fucking brutal, man. Like nowadays you can't do that shit. You can't kill like the main characters and shit. You knock them unconscious and they magically fucking wake back up in a minute. God, this is like the old stuff of like being able to stream that now. Okay. If you had an op, what would you stream now? If you could stream it, let's say it didn't have rules. You can stream whatever you wanted.

Like these days? Yeah, these days. Are you saying we're constricted to streaming what people want to see, but if we could stream what we wanted to? Yeah, like if I was like, if I could go on Crunchyroll and just stream me watching anime 100%, like, I would do that. I'd be like, welcome to my eight-hour stream, guys. Today we're watching the entire series of Attack on Titan. Sit there. Just veg the fuck out. Yeah.

Oh, man. I would stream me playing RimWorld while watching anime in my bed. See? That's my happy place. Do you just play RimWorld on your laptop? I do. I get my laptop and I just play RimWorld and I have anime in the background. And I just veg out and I'm like, mmm. Yep. Oh, dude. It would be like my old school RPGs that I don't play anymore. Absolutely. Morrowind. Anything Elder Scrolls related that's not Elder Scrolls Online.

Yeah. Do those old, I mean, I love like those old games. They're just hard to stream. Like when you're playing, they're not good. It's a story. Games are hard to stream. Yeah. It's the contents. Just not because you're like, how do I enter? Do I just talk and do voices? even then, like when it comes to my issue with, with RPGs or story driven games as a content creator, even more so as like an entertainer, like,

I just want to veg out and fucking immerse myself. Anytime I'm in one of these RPGs, that's why I have trouble playing RPGs, I have trouble...

pulling myself out of the game constantly to read chat or talk yes because i'm no longer paying attention to the game like i would normally i'd be like fuck i just missed what that dude said i needed to know what that dude said like even if it's not important it could be a mindless dumb fact it could be when you're walking through a town and a random guard says stop you like shit like that like i'm like i missed what he said i needed to know what he said and so like i that's why i can play a shooter all day because i don't i don't need to give a fuck

No. About what's going on. It's rinse, repeat the entire time. It's hard to play RPGs for me because I lose that immersion that I needed playing RPGs. What's the one you were playing recently that just came out? It's like Dungeons and Dragons. Baldur's Gate 3. Yeah, they just came out with Baldur's Gate 3. I RP'd through the entire thing. It was actually a lot of fun. Wait, you beat it? No. Well, I stopped because I... So Baldur's Gate 3 came out in early access.

trust me and that's why i stopped that's exactly why i stopped i played like five hours into it it wasn't because it was too buggy or because it was bad oh you got the content yeah it was great for me the content isn't finished and i don't want to get burnt out before the game's done i don't want to play through an early access rpg when you're only getting half of the story in an unfinished stage it's going to ruin it for me i'm not going to want to play it again like i have trouble replaying certain rpgs and like

I don't want to like all the characters aren't in all the classes are in it. Like fuck man. No, God no. Because I had it where it was like you get the ship down. Yep. Ship goes down. You go out of the burning ship and you know, you can go left or right and left as those brain monsters. Yeah. I was like, Oh, intellect devourers. Yeah. And they, they didn't give me no warning. Like, Oh, they just killed the fuck out of you. Yeah. And I, and then auto save was before the big fight in the ship. And I was like,

You've been auto-saving this entire time, video game. You have auto-saved this entire fucking time. I beat the boss.

The plane goes down and you don't fucking auto save after the big boss in the hour cinematic. And then I die like a bitch because brain thing. You didn't say don't go that way. I just went that way in a fucking instant. One shot me. I was like, cool. I'll just load it right here. That's a taste of old school gaming, dude. It wasn't. Oh, I was so mad. Dude, could you? Okay. 15 year old. You know what you had done, though? You would have done the exact same fucking thing over and over again because you know what? You didn't have a life and you can just do that. But now you're like, I got.

I got shit to do later, man. I don't wanna wait another hour. - And I would have saved myself, 'cause auto save really just hit or miss on-- - In RPGs, I'm a paranoid saver. - Oh, you're the guy that's like, auto save. You see it and you're like, save. - Straight up, dude. - Save, you save again. - F4, F4, F4, F4.

Doesn't this... Yeah. It was good, though. Like, pass that. I mean, I want to play it, and I'm super excited because I love Baldur's Gate. You do, too. Like, it's Baldur's Gate. It just needs to be finished. I think if we did a co-op story, that would be a good one. So my issue with co-op stuff in a lot of these games, I had this issue with Divinity 2 as well. If you start it, and other people aren't there, like, you want to play it one time. Because it's hard to get us all together sometimes. Like, I can't play my character. I'm just fucking shelved. And then you end up...

or somebody will play and their character will and then they'll play all the characters because it's not like when you want to play it's only your character you then have to take care of everybody's shit oh yeah oh so you'd have to have that and that's a hard because you want to start that schedule and we'd be like okay two days a week we have to do this and then exactly and then you know i've had that's why with rpgs and shit i just i just want to veg out so i can't stream them

True. I just want to watch anime. I know. I've been wanting to play an RPG for a while now. I feel like every chance to have downtime, I don't know. I haven't found anything I want to do. Downtime's the hardest. My downtime, we discussed it before, anime's my go-to for downtime. I'm kind of playing Dragon Quest IX, but

Because that's the Switch, I get to lay in my bed and play that for 30 minutes and go to bed. RPGs, though, you're just like, I have to grind. This is a JRPG. You have to grind. It's really old school RPGs. There's a good grinding aspect there.

Yeah. But have you... Okay, so this is the horrible thing about nostalgia is like you remember how happy you were when you were younger playing a game and then you try to revisit it. Like I tried to play Chrono Trigger recently and was like, no. You put it down instantly. Yeah. It's like you get... You're like... You try to give it a chance. You try to give it a chance and you're trying so hard and you get like 20 minutes into it and you're just like, I...

I'm going to go work. I'm going to go do other things. I want to make money. I want to do anything else other than this. Nostalgia glasses, dude. They kill you. Yeah. Exactly. Nostalgia glasses. That's what it is, man. It's so rough. P99 is the OG EverQuest. So it's like playing vanilla EverQuest. And that was how it was. I was like, fuck yeah. I'm going to install this. This has everything. I tried to do that recently. I tried to play EverQuest 2. I think it was. Oh.

At least that had a map. It had a map, though. I couldn't do it. I played a couple hours and I was like, I can't do this. Imagine... The best way to explain EverQuest is imagine World of Warcraft, but Tarkov. That's EverQuest. No map, no HUD. Your HUD... There is a HUD. In order to recharge your mana as a magic user, wizard, or anything, and this is OG, you'd have to meditate. Meditate then is...

The book opens and now that covers your entire screen. So you can't see anything around. You can't see what's going on, man. And you just sit there for... And oh my God, you got health every... I forget how many seconds. It was every tick. Six seconds, ten seconds. And it was only like...

4 health or 12. It was slow. So in order to get all... Dude, the old raids, your warrior characters would have to sit there for 30 minutes to recharge all their... No shit. So everyone in the raid would just have to wait for the tank. That was when you got your food.

There was no, yeah, there was no food at that time. So food and stuff didn't exist. No, no, I meant when I say food, I mean, in real life, you'd go get food. Yeah, literally, yeah. You would literally go. Break time, go. We're fucking, we're taking a short rest. Yeah, imagine it's like, okay, guys, we just beat that fucking, the second boss in the raid. Okay, every one hour break, get up, you go get your fucking food, you eat, you drink, you piss, you do everything. Yeah.

Eat. And then, okay, everyone's health and mana back up? We're good? We're good? Okay, let's get this raid going, guys. We're going on boss three now. What a life drain that is. Bro. But that was the greatest fucking thing in the world. It was like the excitement, like, I'm ready to go. I want to do it. I want to raid. I'm going to spend the next 14 hours doing this. And you were happy. That didn't matter. Like, fuck going outside. Take that, dad.

The world? I ain't going outside. What are you thinking? Yeah, those old games. Now when I play, even when I play Xenogears, because I try to make a, every couple years I play through Xenogears, old PlayStation game.

And I do an emulator, but with the random battles. Yep. I just do it times 100 speed because emulators you can fast forward. Oh, you can speed you up. Yeah, yeah. I do the same thing with it. Auto. I just hold that for random battles, spam the attack button, kill them, kill them. Yep. And at that moment, I was like, random battles are fucking stupid. They serve no purpose other than to grind. Yeah. That is it. Yeah.

They gotta put some kind of content in there between bosses. Dude, emulators were kind of like the greatest thing in the world though. I've used so many to, again, do randomized runs on Pokemon games. Shit like that. If people listening to this don't know what an emulator is, you can download...

PlayStation, a Game Boy, any console, old console, GameCube, you can download that on your PC and play any game you want to for free.

Any old game. And make them look way better, too. And you can save them at any point. Yes. Oh, the auto- Oh, man. Control-S. The emulator screen saves. It doesn't matter if in-game saves. Fuck that. Don't need that anymore. Control-S or F2, I think it's some, which I've accidentally hit F3, and then it loads your last one, and you're like, oh, shit, that was an hour ago. Yeah. Fuck.

Oh, God. Yup, man. Oh, dude. Emulators are cool. Super fun. That's like the greatest thing in the world now. And you get to just enjoy those old video games and kind of get rid of the bad shit like auto battles. Yeah.

Yeah, leveling up dump so many more mods into this Like you said you can speed it up times a hundred so you just don't have to deal with your little shit They go into those boss battles like a boss cuz I would just be like okay time to get to level 10 right now and Xenogears before I even move to the next part just after it times 10 my characters like And he's just like beating the shit out of every random encounter and like and level 10 and it's like oh

Real time, it was 30 seconds, and I'm walking to the next boss battle, punch him in the face, win. I'm like, cool, this game's fucking gangster. When you're a kid, though, it takes four days to get to that point. Dude, for real, man. That's crazy, the difference in time. It's why most games are so streamlined now. They hold your hand. Every step of the way, man. Could you imagine being like, hey, good luck playing EverQuest 2 or some bullshit to somebody now?

The rage. Yeah, it is. Maybe that's why I like Tarkov so much. It's an MMO. Like if Tarkov is literally, there's no help. There's no tutorials. There's no, you just hail random NPCs until you get what you want. You're like, hail, hail, hail. And you learn really fast to hit enter to type stuff because A is auto-attack. So you'd be like, you walk up and you're just like,

Oh, I need to type something to this NPC. Okay. After, and you hit like A on accident and you're like, your character's like, hey, level 50 guard. And then it's like the guard punches him. Yeah, the guard just takes your head off. Fuck. Fuck. Oh my God. Dude. Fuck. Walk back to your corpse and loot it. Put your equipment back on. Yep.

okay, I'm going to type this right this time. Old school gaming hurt. Yeah, old school gaming hurt. Physical pain. Now, that's why you guys like Tarkov. That's why you guys like Tarkov. That's why you want demons. It's tapping into it. Like, what were we as kids, though? We were kind of nasty. Yeah. We were like, hurt us, game. And it did every time. And it did, and it hurt so good. It took so many hours of my life. Hurt me more. Jeez.

Jesus Christ. Oh my God. I just wish we could go back. I wish I could, like you said, the nostalgia glasses. Yeah. I just, I sit here and I'm like, oh, I had so much fun with that game. Like Anarchy Online, I revisited it recently and they created a new server because the servers have been on for 22 years now and they just created a new server where everyone started over and I went back and I played it

little bit yeah they gave me some they gave me some like gift cards and stuff I hooked up with him to give to people in chat yeah I loved it for like three days and then was just like I can't do this yeah this isn't the same as when I was you know when I was 12 and couldn't stop playing this to the point where like I was failing school you know

The graphics were amazing too. Back in that day. Remember Unreal Tournament back when that fucking shit came out? Oh, Unreal Tournament was so fun. Dude, that was fucking amazing. That was another game I dumped my life into for a while. Remember the map where it's floating in space? Yup, and you have to jump for platforms. Oh, yes. Yes. There was the jump, and wasn't there a connecting bridge? Yup. There was like a little bridge, because there was four corners. Wasn't there a center platform? Yes, there was the center.

And then the bridges, the long bridges and the actual columns. Something like that. Wait for people to run over that hill and just snipe, snipe, snipe. And that game, you learn how to shoot really good in those games because if you go back and play, even now, it's that instantaneous. Guys, if you've never played even the new Unreal Tournament because they have the brand new one out. Yeah.

And you play that shit, you're like... Scan, man. It's hit scan. It's crack, too. Like, everyone's like... Like, just flying, and you're like... Then you go play Tarkov, and you're like... Clunk. Clunk. It's sneaking through the bushes. This fast. Just slow is different. Your character's winded after, like, a sprint. Get more than 40 kilos in gear, and you're just like... Too heavy! Yeah.

I was like, Patty, why are you crawling? He's like, okay, you're standing, but actually climb moves forward if you're crawling. So you're actually pushing forward during this. I was like, it's been a while since I played Tarkov. Things have changed. What's this yellow indicator? You're overweight. You don't remember the military when we were, you know, too tired from walking where you'd get on the ground and crawl so that you could regain your stand. So stand up. I'm tired. What is that mechanic, man? Fuck.

Exactly. So what is this mechanic? I think that's it. I think it's kind of the end. We're kind of there. Okay then. Jonah was about to tell a story and you just cut him off. Yeah, fuck you, Jonah. Is this the halfway point or is this the end of an episode? This is it. This is the end. That's a full...

I love the shotgun meta in Tarkov where you shoot people in the leg and they die instantly. That's all I wanted to say. Fair. Absolutely. That was your last like, I really just really care about that shotgun meta right now? Dude, I love it. I haven't got to play it. I was destroying people. Why? Because I told my community and Matt that I played it. Oh, because you told Matt. Fine. Whatever. We'll play shotgun meta Tuesday. Yay. Okay. And I have to edit the video tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.

Speaking of video, where can we find the video that you're listening to right now? You can go on YouTube.com backslash channel. Channel. Podcast. Unsubscribe. Slash. You got to do that anymore. Just search unsubscribe podcast. There's links everywhere. Unsubscribe podcast on YouTube. We've taken over that. We took it. Took it. Took it. We took it. We took it. We took it. We took it. It is nice. Now when you search us, we populate everything first. Yeah.

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