Get Out of This World! 01:32:41

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It's free. Awesome. That's cool. There are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go? Oh, my God. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many, many, many, many, many, many, many more. Go ahead.

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You two are something. We're bad friends. Kalilah does it. You do it. You guys talk to me like I'm a child. Close the door. Put away your drinks. Clean up your mess. You know, stop farting. I talk to you like you're a kid? No, you always do. Like, what, you brought that? You brought that cigarette in? Yeah, there's a stomped out cigarette on the carpet. I stomped out a cigarette outside. And it's inside. It got stuck to my shoe. I happened to walk in. And now, ta-da!

so kalilah does it and i do it you guys everyone does that in my life and i'm tired of it i'm a old adult man who drags in cigarettes on his yeah but it was an accident i know so just go oh it was an accident i didn't know instead just don't talk to me like that first and go what did i say i said did you try did you did you did i go did you drag in the cigarette boy did you i know you didn't but there was like i filled in the blanks i said did you drag in the cigarette is this from outside what is this yeah

Oh. Or if you had done that, I would have been like, oh, he just dragged on a cigarette. I have to say it because I know I'll clean it up and I have to make a point. See? So I am going to keep talking to you like that because you talk to me like that. That's true. You fucking little asshole. It comes from me. I know. That's true. All right, Bobby, right away. I didn't sleep good last night. I slept for maybe 3.2 hours, man. I...

I got to bed around 6 in the morning. You know what? I've been watching a lot of horror movies on Shudder. Really? Yeah, I saw this one called Noroi. Oh, fuck. Holy shit. Why are you watching horror movies late at night? I don't know, but I enjoy it, especially the Asian ones. Oh, shit. When they go like that. When they get possessed, they always Asian horror. Dude, you know what I started watching last night that's so fucking good? What? What We Do in the Shadows.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Do you know about it? Yes. Yeah, Alison Jones casted that. And I got an audition for it, and I never went in. It's so good. Do you know what that is on FX? The movie was great. Yes, this is nothing like... This is basically...

Jermaine Clement, you know Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords? He's the best. And Takawa... Takawa Takawa. Watakati? I can't say his last name. They created this show together basically about vampires that live in Staten Island. Well, it was the movie... Well, first of all, he has nothing to do with the show anymore.

Taka? Yeah. Yes, he does. He executive produces it. I know, but apparently he is not... Connected anymore? Yeah. He directed, didn't he? I don't know. I had read that he wasn't. And then also, secondly, he was in the movie. The movie was great. Yes. And then I never saw it because I thought...

It wouldn't be good because he's not connected anymore. The show is so good. Honestly, the acting is so fucking good. The people are so funny. The jokes are really tiny. Well, I don't really trust you anymore because I saw normal people. And you love normal people. You didn't like normal people. Fucking boring. You're an idiot. Boring! How many episodes did you watch? I didn't see any of it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I never saw a wink. I'll never see it, my friend, because I'm a man. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're a big man? Are you a big man? I'm a little dick man. You're a little tiny guy who dragged in cigarette dust. Yeah. Lewis Capaldi followed me on Instagram because of you. Good. And I wrote him a message. What'd you say? Lewis dot dot dot. Yeah. No. Yeah. Because I had a message to him. Hey, can you do Tiger Bell? He never replied. Yeah. He just wants to see us from the outside. And that's fine. I love the guy. We're animals in a cage for him.

Listen, he's super talented. He's English. He's a great songwriter. What an original voice. And I enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy him. I didn't sleep good last night. So what happened was last night I've been watching a lot of Shudder movies like Noroi. And I've been also watching – I saw another one called Blood Quantum. Okay. And I think it's getting into my psyche because it's like – Do you think about killing people? No, but I believe in demon possessions and stuff.

Who do you think is possessed by a demon? Oh, she's definitely possessed by a demon. Seriously? She's so rude. This morning she goes, Uncle Tito, you look like Napoleon Dynamite. I'm like, what? Attack off the bat? But I know what she's saying. I know. You're an old man and you're dressing like a child. You do dress like a child. It's fun. I love it. Stand up. Let people see your fanny pack and your short shorts. You look good.

It is very childish. It's cute, though. I like it. You get to sit here. Go back to China. That's what they say on the Internet. Go back to China. No, because I've been watching a lot of videos on. I've been watching a lot of videos. Let's see. Let's see your favorite woman, Tamara Harry. And you love this girl, this woman. All right. So I'm. I said she is. Hold on. So let me. Can I do a little. Yeah. Give us some backstory. A little pre pre. Yeah.

I'm really – I love entitled white people. It's one of my obsessions in life. That's why you started a podcast with me. Yeah, yeah. And she is this – she's a lady from Phoenix, Arizona where my parents – my mom lives and rest in peace, dad. And she – Your dad's dead? Stop. Oh, fuck. Stop. Stop. You started it. You started it.

Did you cremate your dad? I forgot. He's in a box. Yeah, you did. Because your brother has some. What did you do with yours? It's in the podcast room. It's in the podcast room? Yeah. I'm never coming there again. What you know is so scary is at night when it's dark, I have to run in and run out. If there's a light in there, I have to run. I get so scared. Why don't you go put the ashes somewhere else? Because I like the box. But why don't you put the box somewhere else, I'm saying? Not in the podcast room. Like in the ocean? Yeah.

Sure. Or no, you like him in the box. Put him somewhere where you don't have to see him every time. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. Yeah, hide it. Yeah, put it in a cabinet or something. Put it in a top cabinet. Yeah. I know. I mean, let me ask you this. If there's a ghost...

Even if it's in the house in the top cabinet, he's going to go, boo-doo. He's going to be able to figure out, boo-doo, and figure out how to get out of the cabinet. Boo-doo is your dad? Boo-doo. Yeah, Korean ghosts. Korean ghosts say boo-doo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Boo-doo.

Moodoo. And he's going to be able to, you know, figure it out. Yeah, he'll figure it out. So no matter where he is in the house, the only way I can get out of it. Well, he'll be mad if you put him in the top cabinet by the good china. Bobby, why up here? I'm afraid of heights. You think I'll say that?

Oh, no, I'm scared. Take me down. Watch the Asian accents. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Oh, my God. Did you write your apology letter? Yes, I did. Okay, good. I have it right now. Do you really have an apology letter? I want to apologize. Honestly, did you write one? Did you write one? A long one. Okay. It's five pages long. So last week, can we get into it a little bit? Sure. All right. So what's her name? Jen Murphy. Jen Murphy. So we had Jen Murphy on last week. And...

You know, it is what it is. She came on and she defended herself. She was very cool. She was actually very nice. I like talking to her.

But a lot of fans said, what a hypocrite, Andrew Santino, because you do Asian accents all the time. And then we mulled it over. We talked on the phone and we said, maybe we should apologize to the fans. Yeah, we really need to. And I said, you should write a fucking letter. And so will you read the letter to the fans? Sure. Okay. But I have a little...

a note for you before I read the letter? yeah what is it? so I told you to write the letter but my little note for you is and I promise you this I'm gonna take my glasses off I promise you this if you don't do it the way I want you to do it yeah literally I will end this podcast and we will never do it again and I will walk away you promised me this okay okay so when you're reading the letter alright yeah

I want you to do it in an Asian accent. No. Yeah. No. I will fucking walk away from this podcast. You read the letter, but you have to do it in a thick... I want to be ninja. Yeah, you have to do it in a thick Asian accent. You have to do it in a thick Asian accent. But as an Asian American, I'm good. As an Asian American... I, as an Asian American, I'm offended. Okay, that's fine. But I, as an Asian American, right...

Because I think my voice counts. Yeah, it does. Is that I believe that you are not a racist. I believe that you do Asian accents.

for comedy purposes I believe that because you're doing it in front of me and I allow it to do it the only reason why I'm doing a podcast with you is because you're free in that way yeah we're fun if you don't think that if I'm hanging out with I did a Netflix show with Donnell Rawlings and with Bert Kreischer and Bert goes we're going to do an exercise where we talk about our dead dads we lay on our backs we do scream therapy but we want to talk about our dads right

And but then Bert goes, Donnell, you channeled Bobby's dad. Right. And the accent that came out of him. Right. Was so offensive. Right. And then mine, me channeling his dad. Super. Oh, my God. I get canceled. And stop farting in the studio. I'm begging you, please. Do you smell it over there?

Come on, Bob. Okay, question. Are you a scientist? Yes. No. Are you a doctor? Yes. Well, I have gas. You have air in your body. I have gas. Hold it in for the next... It's not air. It's gas. Okay. It's putrid gas. Yeah, and I know putrid is the word. I don't want it. Yeah, and you want it inside me? Yeah, that's where it belongs. No, it doesn't. That's why it comes out. But that's for outside. No. So I have this putrid gas inside me, and it's like, if we could talk, it's like...

I gotta get out of here. I'm ready to go. You know? And so I'm like, should I keep this insidious putrid shit inside my body or do I release it into the, let it go free? It's like a genie in the bottle. The genie don't want to be in there. Yeah. I mean, he does want to be. That's his home. Oh. But the genie comes. Do you smell it from there? Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. I'm going to do it again. Not right now. Don't fart. Please don't fart again. I'll do it quiet.

No, it's not the noise that's bothering me. Yeah. Watch. It'll be ninja. Talk about ninja. Ninja. It'll be a ninja fart? I want to be ninja in my fart. Okay. Okay. Explain Tamara. So Tamara Herian is a – she's married to Bob Herian and she's – I guess she works at Bob Herian's law firm, her husband's law firm. Doesn't she own the store? Isn't that the whole thing? No, she doesn't own the store. Oh, she talked like she owned it. She doesn't own it. Ah. Yeah.

But that's what – I love what some white people do that. What? They pretend they own shit. Well, she did say get out of our store. Don't serve this guy. I know. I know. But have you ever seen skate videos where it's like a skater – You can't skate here. Yeah, I own this, but they don't really own it. You can't skate at this building. Yeah. I know. It drives me crazy. Yeah. So a Latino woman – I don't know what the exchange was before. Yeah. But basically Tamara Herrien –

says go back to your country. You don't belong here. Right. Let's play the clip. Let's see what she says. Bob's been obsessed with this. I said she is and that's why she's leaving. So you will leave too. This is going all over the internet. You don't know who I am. You told her to go back to her country where she's from.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Where were you born? I was born in America. Where are your ancestors from? They're not from this country. You're going back to Mexico. You better go back to where you're from. You just, no, you just walked into her. Excuse me?

The slap heard around the world. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Oh, I could just on a loop watch that. You want to watch that slap again? Yeah. Yeah, she hits her good. Yeah. But then... All right, so right there. Stop, pause right there. Pause right there. That's perfect. Yeah. Look at what the white chick does. Huh? She pulled down her fucking blouse. Look at her titties out.

Oh, I didn't even see that. Yes. Oh my God, I didn't notice that. And I've watched this video before. Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Oh my God, she does. Yes. Dude, I'd never seen that. I've watched enough to know. So the white woman goes to grab her and she pulls her boobie out? Maybe it's a lesbian thing. I like your titties maybe or I don't know what it is. So she wants to get smacked. She's like, smack me again. I'm going to get your tits out. Let's see this again. Yeah.

Kitty. Kitty. Kitty. First of all, you don't know. Dude, she hits her hard. I just want to say this. Yeah. Okay. I used to date a Latina girl. Right? And one time she woke, I woke up earlier than her. And I hid behind the, around this corner. And she went to go get coffee. And I snuck up behind her. And I just tapped her on the shoulder. I go like that. Right? She did her cut. Right?

I almost died. My head went back, you know. You don't touch a Latina. No. Well, she just, she must have pushed her or something because she hauls off on this bitch. Yeah, look at this. You just, no, you just walked into it. There she goes. Stop. Titty. Oh. Oh, I love it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? You push her.

So I guess what happened after that was she probably went home because her husband's a lawyer, Bob Herrian. Yes. And they own a law firm called Herrian Law Firm in Phoenix, Arizona. And he did – and then so I went to Herrian Law Firm's Wikipedia – well, not Wikipedia, but their – Their Yelp page? Their Yelp page. And I read the reviews. Yeah.

And there was thousands of reviews. Well, we can look at that in a second. No, they erased them. Oh, they're gone? You know how they erase them? Yelp reviews? It wasn't Yelp. It's just if you go to a Herian law firm and you go to Google. Sure, sure, sure. And you can see the reviews on their business thing. Yeah, they pulled them down. Yeah, they pulled them down. Well, this is Bob here. This is Bob. Is he apologizing for what happened? He's very upset about his wife's behavior. And this is Bob Herian. Let's hear what Bob has to say here. Karina, I don't know what to say. I'm just so sorry.

I'm just so sorry that this happened. You never walked into that store thinking something like this was going to happen. I understand it. I'm sorry for what she said. It was very hateful. It's indefensible, but I just have to tell you this. It's her mental illness. A year ago, she would never have done or never have even thought of that. I mean, I...

A year ago? It's like a virus. A year ago, she liked Mexicans. Yeah. In June, she was all about Mexicans last year. She went to a fiesta. Something about this June makes her hate Mexicans. Yeah. We went to a quinceanera. Yeah. In July. We were El Mariachis at Halloween two years ago. Yeah. We loved Diaz de las Muertes. Our favorite movie is Machete. We loved Coco. I saw Coco with her. Coco.

And she said nothing about it. You know what's such a bummer? Yeah. Perhaps, truthfully, perhaps this guy doesn't know that she does dumb shit like that. Maybe. I don't know because – Maybe. You know everything about your wife. Yeah, but let me say this. Yeah.

She may have some dumb, I do dumb shit when I'm away from you shit. Like say some, she doesn't. But I'm saying he might not know her like he used to know her. Yeah. Listen, I'm married for 30 years, right? Like imagine she's turned, her life is different now. She's an angry old bitter bitch and she takes it out on somebody. There are signs though, Andrew. I know. It's like they're watching Schindler's List, right? And she goes, yeah! And she's laughing during the movie.

You know what I mean? She's like cackling and he's like, it's not a comedy, sweetie. Yeah. You mean like little signs like that. You think he had no idea that she was racist? Yeah, when she waves, she does this. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't know. You think he knew a little bit. There's always a little bit. But he seems very genuine when he cries.

No. What those tears are is I'm going to lose my fucking business. Yeah, that's true. And I have to do whatever it takes to make – now he could in his mind think that that's what it's about, about racism. Yeah. But I think if his business was in trouble, I don't think there would be an apology video.

Not from him. Yeah, there wouldn't need to be. Right? If it wasn't his business running in trouble, he wouldn't have said anything. She should have had to come forward and say something that affected her. Yeah, where is she? Why would she say anything? Yeah, but you know... What is she going to say? Here's another thing is that people have just been popping off lately. People are saying some weird shit. I've seen a lot of Asian ones too now. Go back to China. Chinese virus.

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It feels like sometimes you're not even wearing underwear. That's how comfortable it is. It just feels so silky and nice. And the patterns are so cool and so soft. And we love it here at Bad Friends. I really do love them, honestly. You remember the phrase nut huggers? Yeah, man. They really feel like – That was my nickname in high school. Was nut huggers? Because you would just go up to people and hug their nuts? Yeah, man. I like the way they cup my nuts. There's a little cup for your peen. And I'm sure there's something for your lips if you're a girl. I'm sure they've got a camel toe crutch.

But MeUndies is the best. It has a range of sizes. It's from extra small to 4XL. That's Bobby, and he just farted through his MeUndies right now live on this ad read. MeUndies has a great offer for our listeners. Any first-time purchasers, you get 15% off and free shipping. You've got to give it a try. It's 100% satisfaction guarantee, 15% off your first order, plus free shipping and 100% satisfaction. Go to MeUndies.com slash... Bad friends. That's MeUndies.com slash... Bad friends. Bye.

Buffy! Let me say something. The best thing that Andrew Santino has ever done for me is give me a Buffy blanket. Yeah, the Buffy, the Buffy, the Buffy comforter is incredible. The comforter, I swear to God, me and Kalilah have it at home. And you roll up in it. We roll it up. But it,

It literally is. It's so soft and light, but it also keeps you warm. It's an unbelievable product. It's super breathable because it's eucalyptus fiber, and it's cool to the touch. It maintains your temperature. It doesn't make you sweat at night, which I used to do. We've talked about that. I used to have a big problem with it, and it's softer than cotton, and it's way more earth-friendly, which is even better. They also have pillows and sheets, man. You've got to turn your house into a comfortable, calming zone.

Yeah, that's right. Everything is cruelty-free and hypoallergenic, so you're not going to get the sniffles and the sneezes. And their products have 20,000 plus five-star reviews. Five-star reviews, buddy? It's crazy, man. Listen, Bobby doesn't trust me for anything except for that, and it worked. So you can try it in your bed for free. There's no commitment to buying. If you don't love it, give it back at no cost. For $20 off your Buffy bedding, visit Buffy.co and enter the code. Bad friends. At $20 off your first Buffy bedding, visit Buffy.co and enter the code. Bad friends.

Get comfortable in bed. There's one, the lady that, is it Torrance? Torrance Karen. There's actually two videos of her. Which I can't fucking believe that there's two videos. That made me, a part of it made me think it was fake. I was like, how'd they get this woman twice? Not only that, one of the videos, the woman, or whoever it was, if you look at it, wasn't even full Asian.

I didn't see anybody in any of the videos. In that one, the first video, she's not even full Asian. All right, well, here's the first video of this woman. She's stretching. This one right here doesn't seem full Asian here. This girl that she's talking to? The step girl, yeah. All right, let's see what she says here.

Okay, next time you ever talk to me like that, you're gonna get your ass kicked by my family. They're gonna fuck you up. What did I do? They're gonna fuck you up. Why? What did I do? Because you are an asshole. Look at the whole stairs to yourself. Why don't you go somewhere else where you can go to a gym? This is not just for you. Get the fuck out of this state. Go back to whatever fucking Asian country you belong in. Okay, racist. You little fucking bitch. This is not your place.

There's other stairs. Aw, thank you.

This woman's got a lot of nerve. She's roasting her. She's got a lot of nerve talking about her outfit. Look at this fat, crazy bitch's outfit. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Who wears black in California? Yeah. She's got one of those lanyards that college kids wear so they don't lose their keys. You know what I mean? What is it? Yeah, lanyard? Yeah. Look at this woman's got a fucking, where is she? Look at this. Look at that thing. That's a nurse's, that looks like a nurse's scrub. Scrub, yeah. Scrubs, yeah.

Oh my God. Look at that fucking face. She looks like Eric Stone Street. Right? A woman. A woman looks like Eric Stone Street. And so bitch, also bitch, hey lady, she's like half Asian. So Keanu Reeves gets, you want Keanu Reeves out of the country. He's a national treasure. I like that she goes, get out of this world.

Go to a different world. There's another video of her. All right. So this is what's crazy about this is this happened two days in a row. That was the only reason that I got a little suspect that I was like, something's going on here that she must. This one is obviously mentally ill. Well, she's mentally. Yes. Yes. Something's wrong. I don't know about the Herian lady, but this. No, the Herian lady is just straight up. The Herian lady is just an asshole. Yeah.

This woman definitely is mentally ill. Something's wrong. There's something wrong. Okay. And then I dare to say she might be mentally handicapped. So you may be. Yeah, we that's why I'm being now. I'm like, oh, who knows? Yeah. She's obviously got enough faculties about her to make really heavily handed racist comments. Also, also, let's look at her last name. Huh?

Racist Lina Hernandez? Hernandez. Yeah, but maybe Hernandez is one of the people that put in the video. I don't know if that's her name. Let me look it up, though. Wait, I have to know. I'm going to press play on the second video. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Who is Lina Hernandez? Who is Lina Hernandez? Torrance Karen strikes twice. Damn, that's her? Lina Hernandez has been identified as the Torrance Karen. What? Who is subject to a racial tirade on an Asian lady.

What the fuck? So that's how you know she's mentally ill. Wait a minute. Hey, I'll go back to fucking Asia if you go back to Mexico. I'm lost. She's mentally ill. Her name is? Lina Hernandez. Wow.

Of course, she doesn't look Hispanic, so it sucks that the— I don't know. Maybe she is. Who knows? It sucks that the victim doesn't have that information just to rattle back. The ammo? Yeah. No ammo. Let's see what she does on the second one here.

Okay. Obviously... She's in an Asian accent later, though. She's...

She'll go to the Asian accent. She's mentally ill. Yeah. No, obviously she's mentally ill. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but even there's something else going on. Exactly. Yeah. This isn't just a normal person like your first girl. What's the first lady's name?

Camera harian. Yeah. Her husband was like, she's mentally ill. No, she just is a fucking... Yeah, this one's never been fucked. This one, something's wrong. No one's been drilling that. Something's wrong. Yeah. Yeah, something's wrong. Fuck to death. Fuck to death. Oh, okay. Well, great. Let me take your card. Let me... Number play, too. Great. So this lady just made a racist comment. I can't believe this.

She does more. That's a terrible accent. Terrible.

Are you doing an Asian accent or Elmer Fudd? How does she have a license? It'd be so funny if she drove like a really nice car. Drove like a Ferrari. She's like, excuse me, China man. That gets into a fucking Ferrari. Yeah.

Or maybe funny, like a DeLorean from Back to the Future. She puts a bunch of waste inside of it. This is from my government. Go home. Sounds like a nice lady. Yeah, I just... There's something about the climate of today...

It's bringing out. Yeah, don't you think that's – yeah. But this is – no, this kind of shit happens a lot. I just think that like – I think there's been more videos in the last four years than in any other time.

I would have to say that. There's more people recording more often now. Not only that, but there are more people getting the balls to really express themselves. But don't you think that's ironic that you'd be more adamant to say that when you know someone's going to record you on your cell phone? I think that's a little weird. That's weird. Yeah. Yeah. That's thick for me. Because, you know, cops have changed their behavior because of body cameras. Yeah. I mean, I have a message for white people that want to act racist. Here we go. Right.

become better actors for instance treat it like you're in a movie right so you do your racist whatever be yourself yeah as soon as the camera hello my friend you know what i mean right so so if this scenario character she should have gone yes as soon as the thing you know go back to china go back to as soon as the camera um do you need help with your car

May I help you with your groceries? Yeah. Like, become a different character. Yeah. We should teach a class, an acting class for racist people on how to act civil when an iPhone comes out. As soon as the iPhone comes out. Yeah. Hello. That's action. Yeah. When the iPhone comes out, action. Can I help you with something? Yes. That's exactly. As soon as the iPhone goes away. Yeah, yeah. Then you go back to your- Fucking China, man.

You fucking China man. You go back into it. Yes. So I think we should teach a class. Bobby and I will be teaching a how to be racist. Meisner technique. Meisner technique racist class. And you really have to put in an exercise like this. Go to a local park. Yes. And attack an Asian person verbally, not physically. Let's just stick with Asian for now.

That's class two and three getting to more in-depth stuff. Right, right, and advanced, yeah. Yeah, and more advanced shit. Yeah. And cops can take it too. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

That got into an uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Well, just because what... I'm sorry. I didn't read the planet. You didn't read the... I didn't read the planet. Read the planet. Yeah, I should read the planet. Read the entire planet. Yeah. I think these videos are circulating more and more because people want to catch people saying fucked up shit. Yeah. I think people say fucked up shit all the time. Thank God for phones. iPhones.

Thank God for technology. Has anybody ever said something like that to you, Ruud? Has anybody ever said go back to your country or anything like that? No. Has anybody said that to you, Bob? Oh, my God. You have no idea. Dude, first of all, I'm 48, right? Mm-hmm. So I was – I grew up in an age where white people used to go wild on us, bro.

I mean, do you ever see the open? Go back to China? Is that what they would say? No, but even little things like open the refrigerator. No one ever played you this game? No. So as a kid, we stepped in this game. And I used to cry when I went home. But kids would go, all right, Bobby, open the refrigerator. And you would open the refrigerator, take out the Coke. Take out the what? Coke. Okay. So you would take out the Coke. I swore to God this was a thing. Drink it.

And then you drink it and they go me Chinese me play joke me go pee pee in your coke. Why would they pee in your coke? I have no idea where that comes from. But I remember the first time doing it, I would do it and I would drink it and they would do it. Right. And I would be like, I would spit it out and I would go home and I would start crying. I swear to God that was a thing. Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee pee in your coke. Where does that come from?

I don't know where it comes from. What is it? What was the other one? I don't know that one. I've never heard that. You've never heard that at all? No, but I've heard like a, you know, Chinese, look at these dirty knees. You know what that is? Yeah. I don't know. Why can't I think of it? Yeah, I know that. Yeah, Chinese. Look at these dirty knees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was another one. I don't know what that was. I don't know what that was either, but they would do it. I thought you were going to do this game that people used to do. No. What? You know this thing from, you know what this is, don't you?

You never did this? No? This is... No. Put your hands like this? Yeah. Okay, now come up to my hands. I don't want to touch you. What do you mean?

Yeah, six feet away. Well, then we can't do it. Yeah, I don't want to touch you. Our hands need to interlock, and then you open it, it looks like a pussy. You've never seen that before? Yeah, but that's not a racist thing. Why would you even do that one? No, I know. That's what I thought you were going to do when you did this. I didn't know what you were doing. Yeah, yeah. But that's what I was doing like this. Well, no, it does become racist because the color of the vagina is the color of your hands. Yeah, but kids used to always, you know, they would do this. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And, you know, you just kind of, as a kid, Asian kid, because I grew up in Minnesota for like eight years.

And I was like the only Asian kid in Edina. You were in Minneapolis? Edina. Oh, wow. Right? And kids used to say the worst thing. They'd throw ice balls. Get the Eskimo! In the snow. Yeah.

Get him! Right? And they would throw icy snowballs at where I would bleed. Yeah. And I'd be running, you know? I mean, just terrible. And then I would go home and people say I play a victim. It's fine. But, you know, then my dad would be abusive too. So it was like, you know, you would get it from all sides. Yeah. Right? But, yeah, they used to go fucking free with that shit, dude. Go home to your country is a weird phrase that people like for some reason. Did you ever hear that? I just want to make – hello.

Newsflash. Newsflash. Hello. It's I don't know where that – I was – listen, I was born here, man. The only thing I know is this language, baby.

I know all Tom and Jerry cartoons, Mr. Rogers, all that shit, baby. Baby. And I don't know what you fucking mean. I'm not going anywhere. He's not going anywhere, baby. No one's going anywhere. You belong here. And it's like when they say that, you know. Where would you go? Where do I go? Go back to your country. I'm also Korean. Don't say go back to. Get the fucking country right, first of all. Go back to South Korea. Yeah.

If you're going to say it, you have to say it the right way. I want to let's let's let we'll knock this out of the park. Last week, people got mad because people said I'm a hypocrite for the Jen Murphy video. Bob and I have a relationship where when we do accents to each other, that's in our comedic world. And that's that. If you think that I'm hypocritical for calling out Jen Murphy, you

for doing a video about wanting to be a ninja while selling Murphy beds. If you think that's the same thing as me doing accents with my friend Bob, then I can't help you. That's all I'm going to say about that. I want to say this too. I can't help you if you don't get that the woman selling fucking Murphy beds, making fun of

Asian people is... If you think that's the same as what I do with Bob, I can't help you. I don't know, man. That's it. There's also a lot of victims. I'm not saying that I'm a victim with racial injustice. When I first came to LA, this is not comedy, but this is true. I went to ICM. My manager does an agency called ICM back in the day. Yeah, they're still there, right? Yeah, and I had a meeting and

The agent said – I know his name, but I'm not going to say it. Is he still an agent? Yeah. He basically said, listen, you're Asian. Asians are never going to work in Hollywood. This is 1998, and no one's going to sign you. I'm sorry. You're a funny kid, right?

Not that he said anything derogatory. He was just giving me... He's giving you the landscape of what's really going on. Right. And in my head, it hurt at first. Yeah. But there is a sense of me going, I'll show you.

Yeah, proving him wrong. I'm going to prove you wrong. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know if without that, I think all those things when I was bullied racially or whatever. Yeah. I think it seeped into my heart and my and I had an internal dialogue with myself that said, all right, that's uncomfortable. That sucks. Right. But I'm not going to play be a victim. I'm going to just show you. Yeah. And there's a there is anger.

You build anger inside yourself and there's resentment, especially in my generation of Asians, right? Because now I go to my shows and I see like a dumpy Asian dude dating a hot white chick.

And it's just a given. And you go, you know, I want to go, what the fuck? But like, you know, I remember it was just so much harder for me. Yeah. Right. But, you know, but back in my day that you just didn't see shit like that. Right. And so but I am I would never change anything about my past.

Yeah. You learn. We grow. We change. Yeah. I've been bullied. I've been beaten. I've had great things too. I have great memories as well. But all those things accumulate to – and that journey to this moment here. Yeah. And I wouldn't change this moment for the world because I have a great life. Yeah. And I –

I'm proud of myself. I do a lot of self-deprecating humor. I can be down on myself with shame and all that kind of stuff. But at the end of the day, it's like, bitch, I fucking done so many great things. And I've overcome so many fucking things. And I love when people go on the internet, dude, you're not funny? Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Be real. Come on. Yeah. Got it. Papa got it. Those are difficult things to say out loud. Yeah. Those are difficult to say because you want to be humble. But I also – we get attacked a lot. Yeah, it's because we put ourselves out there. We put ourselves out there. We get attacked a lot. And I don't fight back ever. I don't ever comment back usually. Waste your time. But it does build.

And you want to just say to people, bitch, what the fuck are you talking about? You know? Tiger belly's not funny, people say. Bitch, don't listen. Yeah. Yeah, tune out. Tune out. I don't give a fuck. I like when people say, like, oh, you've lost me on this one. Yeah. Okay, man. We don't. Okay. We don't.

It's not like Andrew and I call each other before these. Yeah. All right, so do you have a list of things we want to talk about? We should map out exactly who – Exactly, yeah. Because I know podcasts that do that. They have segments and stuff like that. Yeah, we'll plan stuff once in a great while if we really want to talk about it. Yeah, sometimes guests obviously are planned out. Yeah. But in terms of like today –

I showed up there, I go, dude, I don't know if I can do this. I'm tired. I said that to you. Yeah, some days are tough. And then you were like, yeah, I didn't sleep that well either. So some days are tough, but these aren't... Oh my God. Are you okay? Yeah. I think we do this for fans that want to have fun and come along for the ride. And if you disagree with what we say or what we do, that's cool. Fucking cool it out. What does that mean? People that get upset at things that we say on the show or what we do on the show...

Sorry. Oh my god, I swear to God, I thought you farted. No. I swear to God, I thought that was like a rumbler. I thought that's what that, what was that? My phone. You know why she did that? Why? She hated the segment? That's not it. She didn't like what we were talking about. No, no, no, that's not it. What she does is, Jules plays, what's the game you play? No, I'm not playing. No, no, no, what's the game you play? Mobile Legends. Mobile Legends. Mobile Legends.

Mobile Legends? Mobile Legends, whatever. And at dinner she plays it when you're having conversations. What is it? What is the game? It's just a video game on her phone. Rudy, what is it? What's the game? There's like 10 players and then 5 to 5 we kill and like win. Kill, big theme for her. Yeah, she loves killing. How do you kill on the game? Is it with guns? Don't say knife. Guns, swords, or... Knife. She loves knife shit. Powers. Powers, yeah. But you play it a lot, right?

Yeah, but not right now. Why did you drop your phone? It just slipped. Why was it in your hand? I was talking to someone. Yeah. See, you're working right now. At your job, here in America... Tell her to go back to her country. Go back to your country. Yeah, there you go. Here in America, when we work, we work. And you're on the fucking clock right now. What are you texting? George texted me. What did he say? Yeah. What did George say? George wants to know if we're going to talk to Andres. We will.

I know he gets real up, but George gets real uppity and ampity. I want to also talk about, let's talk about

Things that we've watched in quarantine and things we want to recommend to people. Why don't we ever do that? Normal people and what we do in the shadows are the two things that I'm going to recommend right now. And I don't care that you don't like normal people. You don't want to watch it. I am going to watch it. It's so good. Yeah. I'm telling you, it's so good. So what I've been watching is I've been watching because of Jules. Put your fucking phone down. I've been getting into anime. Are you serious? Yeah. What are you watching? Well, I saw Attack on Titan.

I don't know what that is. It's so good. Is it one of your favorite shows? Is that why? No, I saw it before her. Yeah. Attack on Titan is probably in the top. Attack on Titan. Yeah. These are some of the people. Yeah. Whoa, cool. So the premise of Attack on Titan is it's an Asian society. I don't know where it is. But it's basically people now live. Will you pay attention to me? I'm listening. Okay. I just want to see the characters. People now live.

People now live in behind walls, right?

Like we're in a confined area that the government's done it? Right, so there's like three walls. Yeah. Right? One's called Rose Wall. Yeah. Yeah, there's a couple of other walls, right? And I guess toward the center of the walls, like if you're in the middle society, it's upper people with money on the outskirts. But there are these gigantic walls, and the reason why there's walls is because there are these gigantic creatures called titans. And they kind of look like humans, but they're like...

500 feet tall. Wow. Right? And they're like, they look like zombies. And they go, right? And they tear down walls. And so there hasn't, the show starts off for 100 years, not a single sight of a titan.

People are just living freely. And kids are playing and then all of a sudden they show up again. And they look like that. Yeah. That's one of the main Titans. They look like skeletons with all the muscle fiber tissue. No, they all generally don't look like that. Look at all the other Titans. Google it. They're like that. That guy's there. Is that the same guy with this? Yeah. They look like that. It looks like Iggy Pop.

Yeah, yeah. That looks exactly like Iggy Pop. Yeah. Legitimately, that's what Iggy looks like. Super rail thin. Yeah. And do they eat the people? Or it looks like a naked Eleanor Kerrigan. Like I can imagine like if you're dating Eleanor Kerrigan and she goes out, you know what I mean, to get like a cup of water and comes back to bed like looking like that. I love Eleanor. I love you. So this is so fucking creepy. How scary. That's what they look like.

And what... I don't understand. How did they get this way? Did they used to be... Well, I don't want to give away the story, but there is a reason why they're there, but you'll find out during the show. Okay, don't tell me. But it really is fucking scary because it's like the main... What's the main kid's name?

Aaron. Aaron is a boy. A-A-R-O, Aaron? Yeah. What a boring... It's fine. And he has his best friend, Mikasa, who's a girl. And they're kids. Mikasa? Yeah, maybe they're 12, 13 years old. My house. They're playing around. Go ahead. And the Titans attack, right? And this is not giving anything away. Right. And one of the Titans picks up Aaron's mom.

looks at it and just tears her mom in half. Like rips off her head? Half her body. Oh my god. Eats it. Blood squirting all over in front of Aaron. Right? So it's very graphic in that way. What does my house do? What did Mikasa do?

Because I was like come on air and they run away. They don't even try to say so so when it says they're kids David and Goliath you have to figure out a way to do they do figure it out course of course a train they do Then the attack on the attack on the Titan is the finale what gets way crazier than that how many episodes and where can I see it? There's like 50 of us. Where do you watch it Netflix? There's only one season on Netflix. Yeah, then I bought the rest on iTunes. Oh

Netflix does that. They bait you into wanting – you have to go buy it somewhere, huh? Yeah. Why do they do that? They put up one season. Maybe they only bought – maybe they just only bought one – the rights to one season. And maybe the production company does that. We'll give you a season, but we're going to keep second, third season. Yeah. So people buy it. Beachbody. Hey, do you want to have a hot bod like Bob? I do. I do. I do.

Guys, during this quarantine, Beachbody has saved my life. I've been exercising. I've been doing the 21-day fix. Is it working for you? It's working, man. It's really tough. It's challenging. But, dude, they make it so –

You know what it is? It's the language. Yeah. It's understanding what they're saying, you know what I mean, and being able to follow the routines and whatnot. The programs are really easy. They're the people behind P90X and Insanity. Bobby did the 21-day fix. I've done the morning meltdown. It actually does work. It's a condensed workout that you can do anywhere.

which is really cool. You can access it on your computer, on your phone. And some of the workouts are super short, like 10 minutes, so it's not like you're going, oh man, I've got to fucking take a chunk out of my day to do it. Yeah, it's not going to take out your whole day and you don't need to drive anywhere. You can do it from one of the rooms in your home. It's on your computer. It's very easy. It's very simple and they've got great trainers. Bobby's favorite is Tony Horton, of course. Oh, the Horton.

man and mine is Autumn Calabrese he loves the Horton man so you can use it anywhere and try it out for absolutely free if you're a bad friends listener it's really really incredible challenge to some of our people if you're really doing one of these send us in a video of you doing it we might just throw it up on bad friends

It's totally worth it. Get a free trial membership. Text BADFRIENDS to 303030. You'll get full access to the platform, the workouts, nutrition, everything for free. Text BADFRIENDS to 303030. Did you see that they removed Gone With the Wind from what they took? They took it down because it has racial undertones, but it was removed. Spike Lee says...

Look at this. After his op-ed, Gone with the Wind, John Ridley had written this thing. HBO Max pulled down Gone with the Wind because it has racist undertones. Yeah, I don't really agree with that. Do you? Well, no. It's a part of our history. It's a part of movie history. Right. And I don't like when people fuck with movies in that way. Like I remember Last Tango in Paris. You know that movie? Marlon Brando. Are you going to take down Driving Miss Daisy, by the way?

Exactly. That movie is littered with racial undertones and social commentary. Yeah. So if we had those things because they represented a time period, they're historically – we're talking about a time period. Right. Yeah. Well, that's kind of – this brings up a good discussion then. When people talk about tearing down racist statues, right, of people that were like – yeah.

It's interesting to me. I get why people go, fuck that shit, take it down, fucking that guy's a piece of shit, yada, yada, yada. Then I also go, yeah, but that's a representation of the past, and now we're moving forward, and look at how far we've come, right? There's a duality in my mind that goes, you're not going to go to, are you going to say tear down Auschwitz?

Auschwitz is – no, not even arguably. It's the most disgusting place on earth because of its history, right? Repulsive. But it's there as an example that Jewish organizations continue to fund to make sure that young people see it to know – It's a reminder. It's a reminder of how awful the history was and how far we've come. So keep the Robert E. Lee fucking statue. Well, there's something about these statues that reminds us where we've come from.

It's a duality for me. I understand why people go, that guy was a... Like, USC took down a statue, and I don't remember who it was on their campus. They had a guy that obviously had views that they no longer agreed with. But to me, it's like, well, isn't that a good talking point? I don't know. I don't understand. I don't know. It's also...

Even the Confederate flag. Well, that's a whole new thing now. It's a whole new thing. Because now it's banned from NASCAR and the NASCAR guy was like, I ain't going to race no more. And that's it. And did you see about this guy? Did you see his racing record? No, no, no. What's his name? You're going to fucking love this. Confederate...

Confederate flag. If you're hanging a Confederate flag to remind people about our ugly past, that's one thing. But if you hang it in pride, it depends on what your intentions are, right? Yeah. Well, here's the problem. It's... Hold on here. NASCAR truck racer Ray Cicerelli says he's quitting over the company's decision to fucking... NASCAR driver... Let's see. His name is Ray...

C-I-C-C-A-R-E-L-L-I. Ray Cicerelli. He's going to quit because they've decided to ban him. I want to see a photo, though. Can you just go to images? Let's do this. I want you to show you this, though. Racing record. You're going to love this. Part-time competitor. He's not even a full-time NASCAR driver. Number four in a truck. Through 18 races over the span of three years, he has one top ten finish. You suck! You suck!

You fucking suck. Yeah. No one's going to miss you. You suck. You fucking suck. In fucking three years, you've only finished in the top 10 one time. You fucking suck, Cicerelli. Look what this fucking moron looks like. What do you mean you're going to cut ties? They were going to fire you. You know what that's like? That's going to your boss and being like, I quit. And they're like, we were going to fire you. You're the fucking, you're the worst employee. You don't even work here anymore. Cicerelli, this is him.

That's him going to get him. I'm going to go. That's it. I'm going to fucking get a hoagie. Fuck this shit. He's mad that they took away the Confederate flag for NASCAR. That's what they look like, don't they? They all look like that. This guy's a fucking idiot. You fucking you suck. You suck at fucking racing. So you quit because you suck. Not because the Confederate flag. Well, he's kind of handsome from that angle. What a stupid fucking thing to get mad over. They took away the Confederate flag. Look at the size of these guys. Oh, my God. Slap fighting is maybe some of the coolest. Put on your fucking headphones.

Slap fighting is some of the coolest shit I've ever seen in my fucking life. It's just grown men just beating the fucking shit out of each other. The fact that they can even take the hit and stand up afterwards is insane. They're putting it in slow motion. I don't want to hear this music. It's insane. They hit these guys so fucking hard. They just take it. No, not... I mean... Oh, coma.

A standing... Look, and they put stuff in their ears to protect their ears. Because sometimes they hit their ears on the side of their neck. Yeah. I mean... Oh! The... Oh, my God. The dust that comes up when you hit... When he hits him in the face. I mean, like... Well, who wins, though? Us at home? No, I know, but... But did they keep slapping until...

Yeah, I don't know the official rules. If somebody falls, is that that you lose? I think if you pass out, you're done. Yeah. I think if you're done, you're done. He's trying to talk to him. How are you feeling? Did he fuck you up? I don't know why they have to have, like, this music in the background. But, yeah, slap competitions are... That's, like, a huge... That's a big thing. Have you never...

You never seen that before? No. Really? Well, I've seen slapping. No, but slap boxing. I've never seen slapping. I'm going to Google the fuck out of it. I'm obsessed already. All right. I want to talk about, you know I have a new pet. You do? Yeah. So I don't know if you know, but I have three cats and three dogs. I have a new pet. I know that. And I have a pet named Leonard. Leonard is who? What kind of pet is Leonard? Let me tell you the story. Please. Please.

So about five days ago, Kalilah goes, we have a new pet. And I go, what the fuck? We have enough. Yeah. She goes, look on our balcony. And on our balcony is a crow. Dude, I have a crow in my backyard. No. And it's there every day. I swear to God. I swear to God on my life. This one broke its wing and its leg. Oh, my guy is chill. Yeah, he's not chill. Your guy is paralyzed. Paralyzed. Okay. And the crow is on the porch.

You know what I mean? With his mouth out like this. Right? Yeah. Like, kill me. I'm dying. Take my life. Right? So I'm like, what the fuck do we do? We call humane... I don't know who animal... The Humane Society, right? What are you, animal... Animal rights activists. I don't know. Some sort of...

I don't know. Google it. Right? You called the people that- Call somebody. You called the- Exterminate. I don't know. Exterminator. Exterminations. Show up, kill the bugs in the crowd. Right. Yeah. She goes, I go, so yeah, all right. Call it. Call the number. Call them up. She's like, no. What? No. I'm not calling nobody. We're going to heal it. What? We're going to nurture it back to- Get it the fuck-

Kalilah wants to nurture a crow? Yes. So what are you doing? Are you keeping it in your house? It's still there. Is it not still there? Wait, in your backyard? No. In our front porch. What? Yeah. It's now white. The porch is white. Because there's poop. For the shit. There's shit everywhere. So we order fancy fruits. Don't tell me you order the crow fancy fruits. No, no, no. Okay. We already had it. So we have Asian pears. I love Asian pears. You know...

Mongolian apples. Don't like that. Right? We have different kinds of specialized fruit. All Asian fruit. For us. All Asian fruit. For us. She's slicing it like sashimi. For the crow? Dicing it. Yeah. Then she boils eggs. First of all... Crows don't eat eggs. Yeah, first of all, who the fuck... It's like me eating a boiled fetus. What the fuck?

I'm not going to eat that. Right? Wait, she boils eggs just for the crow? Does she not boil the eggs? Yes. Right? Fucking crow, right? Are they not vegetables? And then she starts going, now she ordered two books online of

About crows' intellects? No. Yeah. Crow. The Fantastic Beast or whatever the fucking books are called. Crows are omnivores. They eat nearly anything. They're like parrots. She's watching TED Talks on... They're like parrots. They recognize... The mirror test. They pass the mirror test. I mean, they do. They are smart birds. Okay. They are smart. Okay. And they eat everything. All right. But let me say something. Except for Asian fruits. Look at that. It says it right there. When you're... Okay. Okay.

When you're boiling eggs, dicing up Asian fruits, right, giving them also the, I guess they like cat food, but I get the really fancy kind. What's the fancy kind? Cat food. There's an expensive and a cheaper cat food? Yeah, yeah. I get the high-end cat food for my cats. What is it? From. That's what it's called. But it's like chicken. What makes it nicer? It's kibbles.

I have wet food too, but the nice kibble. Kibble is better. So with the kibble in there, right? And water, not just faucet water. Filtered water. Fucking Fiji water, fucking bitch. Well, you gotta. You have to. Fiji fucking water, bitch. You have to feed it Fiji water. Right. And then she goes, look at the crow. Then she puts on, you know what she does? She puts on the fucking beetles.

Black bird. Black bird flies. And she's, we're both, did I weep? I weeped a little bit. Black bird singing in the dead of night. Right. That's a great fucking song. If it was the house that I grew up in, my dad, buddy, this is where my dad would go. Chup, chup, chup, chup. That's him chirping, my dad. That's him going, chup, chup, chup. Buddy, come here. And the birdie's like. He'd grab it by the neck, right?

You know that Olympic sport where they take the ball and they... Yeah, the shot put? Yeah, the shot put. Yeah. He would shot put it into the air, right? And then you would hear a large thud in the middle of the street. He'd just throw it. That's how my dad would have handled it, right? So now it's day what? Five or six? Five. Five. It's day five now, right? You would think that the crow would be like exercising, right? Trying to mend, you know what I mean, his shit. No, he's comfortable now. No, he's...

Yeah, he got a little lounge chair. He's lounging, eating the fruits. Best food he's ever fucking had, by the way. Yeah. Right? Fiji water. Oh, it's purified. Right? There's antioxidants in it. Right? Just hanging like this. It's going to be with us forever. Leonard. There's no fucking reason now. Here's my idea. Yeah, he's not going to leave. Yeah. You want my idea? And they both rejected my idea. What? I have three cats. Right? Yeah, I got it. Right. Okay.

I pick up Ming, the oldest one. She's fucking... When I lived on Beachwood, I'm in trouble for this, but I got in trouble for this. But what I would do is... This is before I had the other two cats.

And because Ming was so bored because we had no other animals. Yeah. So I would go to get the fancy bird food. I lived on a third, three stories up. He's been to my place. Yep. And I put fucking bird food, right, on the railing of my balcony. Oh, man. I know. And I would put the fucking cat out there. Right. And one of these little birds in me would just fucking grab him from the air. She's fucking vicious. Yeah. She's the bad. And she would drag it.

She dragged it back into the apartment and now we're getting in big trouble.

It'd get big trouble. It's so fucked up. It's fucked up. So you're going to let Ming out to go say hi to the crow? No, so what my idea was is that, no, I wasn't going to do that. That's cray-cray. Oh, and what you did before wasn't cray-cray? I apologize for that already. Okay. I apologize. What I would do now is pick up Ming. No food water, by the way. Yeah, no. My idea, no food water. Go, you're not going to die, but we're not going to give you shit. Yeah, you get nothing. Right? Pick up Ming.

You knock on the window. They named it Leonard. That's another thing where it's a danger. It's a danger. That's a great name. It is a great name. Yeah. But it's danger. Like you're going to see it again. Well, yeah, it's not going to go anywhere now. Right. So I would knock on the thing, not call it Leonard. Hey, bird. Right? Chirp, chirp. Not point at me. And go three days. You think it knows days? Yes. You have three days. Three days. Yeah. And what if Leonard goes like this?

Fuck you. No. What Leonard would do is he'd be out there exercising. Oh, you're ready to fly away. Getting his shit. Getting his shit. Because he knows he has three fucking days to get the fuck out of there. I think you should write it. Right. Write it on the window. A big three. And then the next day, wipe it off. Or hire Amy Adams from the movie fucking The Arrival. Right? And bring up a board. Let her talk to him. Right. And do it like some sort of communication kind of a thing. She must know how to do it. She must know how to do it.

But that bird would be out of there. Now Leonard is here to fucking stay, my friend. Yeah. Are you happy about that, Ruud? Yeah, she is. What, you love Leonard? Yeah. Here's another thing that they've done. They go, watch this now. They go to the balcony and Kalani goes like this. Or makes some sort of noise. You know what Leonard does? Yeah. Communicates back. They're buddies. They have a language now. Yeah, I love it. When I go out in the balcony, that's not what happens.

He starts hopping away. He wants to get away from you. Yeah. Yeah, because he knows what you've done. I'm smoking, too. And I'm giving him sick guys. Oh, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't smoke in front of the birds. Oh, fuck you. Fuck, Leonard. The birds, they don't like smoke. It's my house. No, it's not. Not anymore. It's my Asian fruits. That is your Asian fruits. Those are my Asian fruits. You need to get those back. My eggs, I know. But now we have this fucking black crow named Leonard. Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have an Afro-American. What?

We have an African-American crow. We have an African-American crow. And he lives on our balcony. And I don't know what to do. Andrew, help me. I'm not. I really like Leonard. I like the idea. Help me. I need you to help me. Jules, what do you think we should do? Well, you asked me for help, and I would help you, but she's here. So Jules, Jules, get closer to the mic, right? If Leonard doesn't leave for another week, what do we do? Let him stay. Okay.

See? You let Leonard stay. Inside. No, because the cats. Yeah, but then you gotta let him fend for himself. It's gotta learn. It's gotta learn. That's how it works. Yeah. So I have a fucking black crow now I have to take care of. African American bird, crow, bird. And you're giving it Asian fruits. Yeah. Maybe I should give it... What's that now? What? I'm gonna show you a clip. Barbecue. Look at...

Bobby sent me this. This is the precursor to the slap fights. This was on some – this was on – whose Instagram was this? So one of my favorite UFC fighters is Derek Lewis. Oh, Derek Lewis' Instagram. Yeah. Look at this. This is a great clip. Hold on. Okay. All right. First of all, let's – number one. This is called slap for cash. Yeah. When you have a stripper pole in your living room, that's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's cash on the ground, obviously. Is that cash? Yeah, that's money. And he's going to slap this man. And if he can take the hit, he's going to give him money. He's going to take a slap for cash. Are you ready? I am ready. Oh, my gosh. Are you okay? Oh, my God. Are you okay? Oh, my God. Mr., are you all right? You're crazy. What are you doing? I'm trying to film on that.

I'm trying to feel my butt. Motherfucker. I'm glad I didn't slap you. My head is bleeding. Dang it. You're so crazy, and you're like half dead. Fuck, that's real blood, you guys. Hey, slap for cash, question G. Fuck everybody, but love is love. Oh my god, look at the blood on the floor. Holy shit. Wait, where are you bleeding from? I was picked, that's acne. Oh. What the fuck?

If you have back acne like that, get on fucking proactive. Where are you bleeding from? Oh, that's acne. Yeah. He hit him so hard his acne broke open. I love it when people get hurt and then they try to pretend they're not. No, no. Or they're trying to pretend to be super tough. Look, he took the hit, but I got to tell you, the sound he makes when he gets hit is absolutely one of the funniest things on earth. Yeah. Listen to this. The sound, he goes, uh. Listen to how funny this sounds.

Do you know why? He went through a black hole. He's time traveling. He traveled through time and space. This is so fun to listen to. Look at this chick's face. Look at this girl. Oh, my God.

What did you think was going to happen? Look at the fucking size of this guy. Look at how big he is. This guy's got to be 350, 400 pounds. Okay? You think this guy doesn't have a fuckload of inertia and energy behind him? No science before you let a guy like this hit you in the fucking face. Also, what else do you notice about the video? Right now, pause it there.

The flattest ass that chick has. Wait, what? Let me see. Her ass is flat. Well, that's also very funny. There's a girl just spinning on a stripper pole. Look at this. This girl's spinning. As this guy's about to get fucking knocked into another universe, this girl's just spinning on a pole in vans. I just love this sound. Sorry, one more time with the sound. Never mind the fact, by the way, that the worst sound is his head hitting the wall.

His head hits the wall. That's how he starts really bleeding. Listen to how hard his head hits the wall. Oh, my God. Holy shit. The wall is... Listen to how loud the wall is. Oh, look at her. Hey, can somebody make the remix of this? You know that... People have remixed that fucking song that... All the girls had to go like this. You're diving in a road. Because there ain't no Hall of Fame.

This sounds like the beginning of that when he hits the fucking wall. Listen. Oh, my God. He could have died, dude. Yeah, well, look at his head almost hit the fucking, I mean, the baseboards. The edge on that could have cracked his skull. Also, this is the internet. If you slapped me. Like that? If you slapped me as hard as you could, what do you think would happen to me? Honestly? Honestly. We'd have to take you to the hospital.

I'd have so much built up years of wanting to actually physically punch you or slap you. Yeah, yeah. It would come out. I mean, you would certainly make the same sound. Yeah, I don't think I would do it. If I hit you, you'd sound just like this. You'd be gone. Oh, my God. I would be gone. If you hit me, what would happen? We'd just keep talking. You would keep chatting. We'd keep talking. We'd just chat away. We'd just chat away. Yeah. This is the new age of the internet, though.

This is the kind of stuff that our parent generation doesn't know exists. Isn't that wild? Which means that this shit was going on behind closed doors.

Yes. Like all this shit that we're watching now on the internet. You just now get to see it. People just did it, you know, in their basement. Yeah. Yeah. Lighting their dick on fire, stapling their nuts. You would see them at work. Hey, Bob. Yeah. Hey, how's it going? Yeah. Hey, Billy. Yeah, it's good. Just a good weekend. Weird weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened to you this weekend? Did something unusual happen? Oh, just, you know. Horseback riding. Meanwhile, that was happening. Oh.

I can't get enough of that. This girl's sucking on a sucker. Holy shit, I didn't think that was going to happen to you. I know. Speaking of weird, fucked up weekends. What happened to you? I went to a wedding, a backyard wedding. Oh, yeah, tell me about that. Honestly? Yeah.

I'm thinking it's a small wedding. It's going to be nice and casual and tiny. It was only a couple people. It was just people that were here and then they zoomed the other part of the wedding. And I was like, this will be quick. It'll be small because I don't want to stay. These people don't want us at their house. You know what I mean? It was a family. It's the family of my buddy's wife. And

Ceremonies are whenever we eat dinner and I'm thinking, we should probably get out of their house. Time to say goodnight. Yeah. No. Why? The fucking parents are ready to turn the fuck up. The most fun I've had. Dude, we're dancing, we're drinking, we go into this other part of the house. Are you social distancing?

Yeah. Yeah. No, we are. How? And then we smoked. How are you dancing? And then we smoked weed together and that was fun. Wait, you're smoking weed? With an older gentleman. Social distancing. Yeah, but I was roach pinching it. So my lips didn't touch it.

Yeah, yeah. So you're at a wedding. A backyard wedding. And you're smoking weed with the dad. With all the elders. Oh, wow. Getting baked out of their fucking head. I mean, literally, verbatim, he goes, I haven't smoked weed in, I don't know, 20 some odd years. That's crazy.

And I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. I was like, this is going to be fucking incredible. The first thing, after we're all laughing, having a good time, we're getting high, we're telling stories and chatting. Yeah. The guy who goes inside of his house and immediately changes into shorts and like a comfy t-shirt like that. Yeah. And sits by the fire and is just roasting marshmallows. And that's his... That's how...

That's his way of saying, get the fuck out. I'm really high. No, no, no. We were all roasting marshmallows. Oh, that was like, get the fuck out. No, no. We're making s'mores. That was his way of being like, I'm comfy. Leave me alone. I'm going to eat marshmallows. Have fun. Yeah. It was such a fun. How long did you stay there for? Hey, we were there all night. Yeah. And then I walked home. Yeah. Oh, so it's in the neighborhood. On this side of town. It's on my side of town. Yeah, yeah. It was in the neighborhood. And I walked home. Sherman Oaks. Sherman Oaks.

We're in Sherman Oaks. Yeah, yeah. Bob, giving away locations. Yeah. You guys want to know Bobby's address? No. People already fucking sent me this. 131264. Yeah. Uh-oh, you fucking cocksucker. Bake Ridge Lane. That's it. And Rudy's address is 1364 and a half Bad Bad Rudy Girl Lane. Yeah. She's also ordering fucking furniture.

Who the fuck do you think you are? A dresser came in yesterday. Did it really? Yeah. And then it's like this gigantic box. It's like, Uncle Tito, how do we, you know what I mean? I had to get a Mexican dude to come over.

The way you said that. A Mexican friend. I had to get a Mexican to get over here. A couple of Mexican fellas. On TaskRabbit? Do you use TaskRabbit? Yes. And they helped me bring it up to the thing, but she's like ordering shit online now. What do you pay them to help you build stuff? How much does it cost? It was like a hundred bucks or something. To help you build a dresser? Yeah. And whose dresser was it? For the rude? Yeah. Why do you order shit? I didn't order it. It was with the Kalilah.

She ordered it. She's just been so snooty around the house. Has she really? Yeah. Just like now she's now so comfortable with me. She's just like making faces, you know, like she'll look at a thing like a mess. Because she's sick of it. Yeah. The trash. She's just tired of the bullshit. Yeah. The maggots that she brought in. Tell me about the maggots. Maggots?

Maggots? What do you mean? You have maggots? No, I don't have. We've been seeing maggots in the house. Do you guys leave food out? You're leaving food out to get maggots? You know how long that would take to get maggots? That's crazy. Why are you doing that? You're going to have maggots in your house? It's not like I'm fucking creating a maggot farm. Kind of. I know, but it's purposely. It's like, I want to discover... But you've got to throw away food. Maggots are going to... I know that we have trash cans and behind I'll just throw in like a pizza or something.

And the pizza will go back there. Yeah, and there's a maggots. You live there. Yeah. And then she, and then like, it's so funny because I make her do all kinds of. I know. Like, hey, yesterday I go, hey, there's some beef. There's some beef chunks on the ground. Clean it up. You just put them on the ground? No, it was dog shit.

You saw it first! Oh, you saw it first, so you have to clean it up. Whoever saw it first has to clean it up. Isn't that the rule? You spotted it, you clean it. Do I treat you like a mean parent, do you think? Worse. What do I treat you like? I don't know. You're fun. That's the word I wanted. Tito Bobby's fun. Get closer to the mic. You lift it up a little bit so that, yeah, get your mouth close to it.

She hates the microphone. Do you love your Uncle Tito? Yeah. Say, I love you, Uncle Tito. I love you to love you. This is like real abusive. I know. It's like creepy as shit. It's like you're grooming her. I know. Oh, that's the other thing I saw too about Epstein's girlfriend. They made like a little short documentary on her. They put it up on YouTube. Epstein's girlfriend's name. Who's Epstein? Stop it. We did this last time. Oh, fuck.

He's the perv. I know. What's her name? Ghislaine Maxwell. I don't know much about him. I know that he had a sex ring. Lolita Express. Take kids on a plane. Young kids. Bill Clinton. 26 times. Whoops! 26 times! They were like, he never went there. The pilot log. 26! How do you say 26 in other languages? 26. 26 times this guy.

What is – honestly, this is the honest question that I have is – Why do people have sex with kids? What is the allure though? Of kids? Because you can tell they're kids. Yeah. It's like I was watching this like –

90 Day Fiancé. It was some sort of marriage show. Married at First Sight? Married at First Sight. That's what it was. There was a couple where the guy was like... A black couple. The girl was a virgin. It just kind of turned him off. I get that. That she was a virgin. As an adult, you want a mature woman...

That, you know, it's sexual, right? Yeah. Why would you do that to a child? What is the allure? Well, they're sick. Is it control? Usually, usually, not to get down on the show, it's really sad, but usually it's because they were sexually abused when they were kids. Most sexual abusers, yeah, they keep it going. Yeah. So most of the time they were either sexually abused themselves or they had— Or they liked tight pussy. I mean— That's it.

You know what I did say, though? You know what's so fucking... You know what's insane? When they were pedophiles when we were kids... Is that bad when I just said that? No, it's funny. It's gross. It's terrible. But it's okay. When they were pedophiles when we were kids, it almost made me so grossed out and mad because you're like, ew, dude.

we're like little nasty weirdo freako kids with like braces and acne and we're dirty and we stinky yeah and then you see kids today and you're like these kids are all trying to be sex stars when they're like 15 it's no wonder that pedophiles are like I didn't know she was 16 it's like yeah cause these fucking kids pretend like they're 30 it's the creepiest shit on earth yeah I fucking um uh uh uh uh

I have Gianni's helping me with a TikTok account. And sometimes I'm thumbing through TikTok and I see a girl in there. I go, Jesus fucking Christ. Like titties out all this shit. And then it says on their bio 16. I'm like, why the fuck titties out? These girls on the Internet are like 15. They act like they're 40. You know what I'm talking about? It's fucking crazy. You look at it and you're like, this is like pedophile bait. TikTok is like pedo bait.

It's gross. It's fucking gross. Dude, if I have a daughter, she is not on TikTok with her boo-boos out and her puss-puss showing. No way. Oh, if I had a daughter? Kill it. No, no, no, no. Kill it. No. Kill it. She would be in like one of those medieval armor suits. Yeah, what are they called? Chastity belts. No, just like a full-blown medieval. Oh, like chain link armor? Yes.

like a full blown Lord of the Rings I'm fighting orcs with a helmet and shit yeah because no way what's your experience you see that right do you have TikTok and stuff do you see young girls that like that do like sexy ass shit all over it and they're underage yeah even like 11 to 12 it's fucking insane

Dude, you see it. We're the parents. They must not give a fuck. They must not know. 11 and 12 year olds and they're doing like sexy dances and shit in bikinis on the internet. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. Imagine the dad walking in when they're doing it. Oh, what's going on here? How are you guys doing? Yeah. All right. Get out. We're making a fucking TikTok. Yeah. Mark. You know they call their dads by their first name. That's a new thing. Oh my God. Mark. Get out, Mark. Dude,

Dude, if I call... You're my daughter. Okay, yeah. Call me Bobby. Get out, Bobby! You're... Get out of the house. No, I literally... Get out. If I call my father by his first name, holy shit. Oh, my God. He would have been like, what the fuck did you just say? If I said Robert to my dad... What the fuck did you just say? Oh, my God. I'll be you. You be your dad. Ready? Yeah. Get out, Robert!

What did you say? I said get out of my room, Robert. I'll be right back. You're going to come right back. Oh, yeah. Get out. Go away. Then you would hear in the garage, you know what I mean? Right? He'd come back with a wrench. I'm kidding you. A wrench, a golf club, something other metallic, right? Okay. Now, lay on your belly. Right? No, I'm not going to do that, Robert. You're going to lay on your belly. Right? He would take the fucking golf club, stick it around my neck.

Right? Pummel me down, right? He would take the wrench and he would just twist my ears off of my fucking skull. Ah! Yeah. Did he ever put a golf club up to you like that? My dad used to fucking take... I shouldn't be laughing. ...full-blown swings to my stomach. With a golf club? Oh, yeah. Holy shit. Full! Full! Yeah! Full! Ha! Right? Yeah.

You would, you know, all the wind would come, right? Spit out blood. Yeah. I mean, fuck you, man. Would your brother get the same kind of shit? Oh my God. My brother one time, this is the funniest story. My brother one time, I ever tell you the story? Where he had a friend spend the night. No, I don't know this. So his friend spent the night. My brother was about 12, right? Yeah. My brother had this Casio keyboard.

And it was back when they had samplers too. So my brother would go, kukika, kukika, kukika, kukika. And they would giggle, right? My dad was taking a nap. My dad sleeps naked. Same. My dad opens the door. Hey! Right? He takes the keyboard. Then I come around to look. All you see is keys flying into the air over my brother's head. So bad. Pat!

Just keys, right? Everyone's crying. And then my dad turns around and, you know, my dad used to sleep with toilet paper in his ass. What? Yes. Why? Because we both, we all have a thing. Leakage? Yeah. Oh, yeah, you told me about the leakage. Yeah, it's insane. So he turned around, walked back, took a nap.

Your fucking poor brother. No. Your poor brother. Don't do the fucking sampling sampling. No, stop it. He's just being a kid. I know, but my point is that this generation of kids now. Fucked. Oh, no, they're just, you know, they're easy. Fucked. They're fucked. Yeah. Yeah. Calling them by their first name is crazy. Oh, my God. What do you call your parents? Would you ever call your mom or your dad by their first name? No. No, they would get fucking pissed, huh? Her mom. That's like foreign discipline shit. What? I love her mom, but. What? What?

I can't say it. Okay. But her mom. What? You know what I mean? I've seen her mom go off on her. What does she call you? Does she call you any mean names or mean words? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Does she ever say bitch? Yeah. You little bitch. Stupid is what they get. You little bitch. You worthless of f***. That's what I get. You know what I mean? Just crazy shit. You little bitch. Yeah.

My dad used to call me a little, you're a little fucking asshole. Did he used to hit you? No. Oh, I got, yeah. I got hit, but not like you got hit. Yeah. I got these. I've talked about that thing, the back of the head. All right. I got those a lot. I got cracked in the back of the head all the time. But you know what? Yeah. Every time I got cracks in the back of the head, and which was a lot.

There's something about your history, though. I did it. That I'm not aware of. Because I see – I know now through social media and through – I've seen photos of your family. Yeah. I know your parents call you. Andrew, when are you going to – are you going to come over to the 4th of July and spend the weekend in Chicago? Mm-hmm. We miss you, honey. Miss you, too. Right? So you have –

A really, you know, Americana, nucleus family. Yeah, they're good people. And you have sisters, correct? One. You have one sister? And... You know what I mean? No.

No. What? You have one sister and you have a really nice family with a bunch of love. A lot of love. A lot of nurturing. Yeah. Where does this come from though? What? You have this rage and anger and like you express yourself as if you had some sort of like difficult childhood. Where did that anger come from? My anger comes from –

Okay, my dad is very short-tempered, and my mom can be a little cold. So just because you see, like, we do love each other. We do get along, but we're like any family. We have all sorts of fucking fucked up shit in our bones. My dad and I fight on a constant fucking basis. We argue a lot. We have a lot of anger towards each other, differing of opinions of life, okay? And my mom is a hard, tough person.

Love loving woman, but tough as fucking nail. Dude, you if if I was fuck not throwing up blood.

You were going to school. There was no like, I don't feel good. Those days didn't exist. My mom was like, too fucking bad. Get the fuck, go. Fucking go now. Oh, so that's the toughness. Well, it's just very like, that's their attitude of life, was like, too fucking bad. Yeah. Oh, you don't have that? So what? Grow up. Yeah. Yeah, they love, but it's, tough love was kind of a theme of my house. Too fucking bad.

Oh, shouldn't it be better for you? Now, if you have a child, would you— My mom used to grab me by the arm. Yeah. If we were out in public and we were being brats or just whatever, if someone was disabled or had like a limb missing or something, she would grab me by the arm and she'd point at them. And she'd go, don't you ever fucking complain again. Do you understand me? Oh. Do you see what these people have to live through? I thought you were going to say beat the shit out of that person. Yeah.

You could take him. She'd go, go attack that handicapped boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but she would go, you shut your fucking, whenever you complain, you little brat. Usually if I'm complaining or if I'm being a brat, you know, when I was a little kid, and she would go, don't you ever complain again because he has to live like that. Yeah. You lucky little spoiled brat. It was like she was very, that kind of stuff was embedded in my brain. Don't you ever complain. There's kids out there that don't have half of what you have. Yeah. So you shut up. It was very much that.

Which is healthy. In many ways, though, I liked my dad because he dealt with things differently than what American parents would do. Like, for instance... Like hit you with a golf club? No, there's this kid that punched me in the face.

And I came home, and my dad came home early from school, I mean from work, and I came home and I had like a bloody nose. And when – if you're a parent and you see your child like that, what do you do? You probably call the parents. Well, the first move is you make sure they're okay. Yeah, yeah, but then you would probably call the other parents. Your son hit my son in the face. Your son hit my son. Don't let that happen again and whatnot. Yeah.

My dad didn't do that. So he saw my blade nose and he goes, what happened? I go, this kid, he punched me. Okay, get in the car. So I'm like, oh, we're going to the hospital. Right? And he goes, I go, we're going to the hospital? I'm okay. And he goes, no, we're going to find him. Right? So then I was like excited. Like he's going to scare the shit. But then my dad picked up a hammer.

In the garage. And then it slowly turned into, we're gonna kill him? Right?

And we drove around the block for two hours trying to find Art. That's his name, Art. We're trying to find Art. Luckily, I was praying that we didn't. Yeah, because you were going to kill Art. He would have died. Yeah. But then in my head, I'm like, oh, that's cool that my dad's like that. That's very cool. Yeah. That is very cool. Like old boy. Yeah. My grandfather, my uncle, my uncle got punched. He got fucked up. Okay. He got knocked out. He got knocked the fuck up.

And he came home and I don't remember what family member told me the story, but they were laughing so hard. And he was he's the youngest, one of the youngest, the youngest. And he walks up to my grandfather and he's on the porch smoking. Yeah. And he's reading. Yeah. He's reading the paper. Yeah. And my uncle comes up and he's all fucked up and, you know, whatever. And my and my grandpa goes, what happened?

And my uncle's trying to explain it, and he's going, oh, I don't know. And, you know, he's trying to tell the story or whatever. And he goes, come here. And he grabs Malcolm, and he looks at his face. He goes, ah, it looks like you bobbed when you should have weaved. What the fuck is happening? What is that?

He's bobbing and weaving. Oh, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, he's like, oh, it looks like you bob when you should weave. Go inside. Put some steak on it. Yeah, take the hit. Learn how to take the hit. But, you know, when you raise your kid, though, when you have a child, I believe you're going to have one soon. Okay. Okay. The oracle. The oracle. Are you going to – what kind of parent are you going to be? Mean. Aggressive. Are you going to be the same as your parents were? I don't know. Ask my babysitter. She's right there.

I'm hiring you as my full-time babysitter and you're going to be a live-in nanny. I'm not good with kids. That's why I want you. She doesn't like kids. That's why I want you, Rudy. Yeah, yeah. You think I want someone that's like, oh, hi, little baby. No, I want you to leave the kids' places. I want you to neglect it. But will you ever discipline your kids through hitting?

You know, I don't want to put anything on tape. No, I think I will definitely spank and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to physically hurt the kid, you know? My parents never wanted to physically hurt me either. I mean, sometimes getting smacked in the fucking head hurt bad. Yeah. Or getting jerked around by your arm. I just don't want my kids to have fear of me. Well, I do. I do. I think you should be scared of your parents.

I think you should love them. Not like your fear. Yours is like torture. Yeah, yeah. My fear was, fuck, I'm in trouble. Like, he's going to... Oh, that's going to happen. Well, that's the fear that you want to instill. Then they can't go around calling you Bobby. Oh, yeah, that's going to happen. Whatever, Bobby! Oh, my God. The first time my kid calls me by my full name, teeth out. He's losing teeth. And he's going to stay like that until he can afford to pay for new teeth.

Yeah, I think now that you say that, I think when you're having a child, I think you pre-plan in your head. What you're going to do. How you're going to do it. And maybe that's why I saw some of the reaction of my parents, that they maybe made a deal with themselves that they were not going to cross certain boundaries. Right. So maybe that's what some of that was. I imagine. Yeah. But everything changes. Every friend I know that has kids is like, oh, you think one thing and then it's totally different. Yeah.

Yeah, because D'Elia's been texting me a lot. He's been sending me photos of his baby. Yeah, same. And he's saying, look how cute. And I go... It's so weird that it has like three arms. Do you know? It's like there's another arm that comes out of its shoulder. That's his dick. Oh my God, that's a big dick. They put it around its shoulder? It's D'Elia, bro. It's D'Elia, bro. Whoa! Yeah, dude. Dude, it must be D'Elia, dude. I saw the baby's dick. And I said to him... I'll read you the text. Yeah. I'll read you the text. I go...

What you say? I would go, um... What you say? What you say? Where is the lead? That you only meant well. Game cook, shop. What you say? Chris D'Elia, I go... He goes, bro, have kids. I go, is it worth it? He goes, it's everything. Yeah. And it made me teary. Yeah. Yeah. Because it gives you a new lease on life. Do you want a new lease on life? No, no, no. You want a new lease on life, Bobby? I do. Family.

Thank you for being a bad friend, family.