Keep Sketch Away From Loop Loop
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You two are bad!

Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. I love you just the way you are. Okay, do it again. I love you just the way you are. I love you just the way you are. Do you not remember this guy? Yeah. Did he sing for...

- The Doobie Brothers. - He was a solo artist. - What's his name? - Aaron Neville. - Oh, he's black. - Yeah, black. - He wears Chelsea jerseys too. - That's exactly right. So we got a guest in today, ladies and gentlemen,

- Sketch, Kyle, right? - Sir. - Kyle? - Sketch is here, baby. - Kylie, yes, sir. - Kylie. - Thanks for having me. - Hey, Sketch. - Thank you. - He just learned about, there it is. - Hey, it's the worst, turned into a meme, unintentional meme. - It's incredible. What do you mean? You had pro athletes doing it. - What's up, brother? - Yeah, that's Pop Bear. - Yeah, dude, you do it. - What's up, brother? - What's up, brother? - God, it's great. - I love it. - I love it so much. - Gave me a little exit there. - I mean, how did that become a viral thing?

I was just playing with my buddy and we were having like I just don't know I've tried to think of catchphrases and what's her brother just kind of flew by my mind you know it was not even like funny or anything too it's more of like I just threw up a finger and then it turned into like an inside joke no it's incredible well he's trying to get a catchphrase can you make up one for him because you were good enough to make up how about this keep it loose lady no why why no

Keep it loose, lady. Keep it loose, lady, and you do a little hole like this? I like that. Yeah. Keep it loose, lady. Yeah, keep it loose, lady. Maybe city chicken or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, city chicken. What? City chicken. City chicken what? Your catchphrase could be city chicken. What's the hand gesture?

Double C. Oh, whoa. Just like the Crips. Yeah, yeah. You already got a little. I think it needs a third thing. I'll throw in an accent on that. So what? Was it City Chicken? City Chicken. No, no, no. How about City's Chicken?

No. Jesus Christ, Bob. Are you having two kicks or something? What is it? It's good. I'll have a chicken. Unbelievable. Friendly fire. What? Friendly fire. Orange chicken. That's mine. Orange chicken. All right. Yeah. You're city chicken. I'm orange chicken. Well, are there other catchphrases that you're known for or is that it? There's other things I'm known for, but not catchphrases. All right. Well, no, you're video gaming. Yeah. Yeah, that. Well, this is what's interesting. Bobby is old. Okay.

Okay. And loves video games. I love video games. And you're young and you love video games. This is the meeting of the world, except he's more into sports gaming and you're more into- Cozy. Cozy gaming. Yeah, yeah. You know about cozy gaming? What's cozy gaming? What?

- What, you've never heard of Cozy Gaming, bro? - Where we play like half naked or something? - No, Cozy Games are like Stardew Valley farming simulation. Like just cozy. - Oh, like farming simulator. - Yeah, relaxing games. - He likes low. - Why are you squinting like that? - Oh, I just get, like I get fog in my eyes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that's the look that you do when you take a.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, so what do you look like when you take a shit at that or even worse? Well, I usually kind of put both my feet up on a seat. Yeah, let me see your face. Oh, nice. That's very nice. You guys both have the same eyes. You do know, right? You mocking her squinting. I don't know if it's Asian or Down syndrome. Yours? Yeah, what are we both doing? I don't know. Is it Asian or Down syndrome? It's a little bit of both.

Hey. Yeah. A little bit of both for you. Yeah. But no, he's into cozy gaming. He likes, Bob likes low stakes, long term, like long play games. He likes marathon games where it takes you months and months. Where you grind. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. You like grinding?

Grinding? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes. You talk about like getting on someone or something? Yeah. What did you say? Getting on somebody. No, that's not what I mean. He means putting in the work. Putting in the work. Like collecting mushrooms or whatever it might be. You collect mushrooms? Stop, stop. Not in my real life.

You think I go out and get portobello mushrooms in the forest? That does sound really good. It does sound really good. No, like in some games, like in Skyrim, like there's a... Are you okay? I'm good. Lean back.

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? I'm sorry. Am I being too aggressive? Yeah, what are you doing? I'm sorry, dude. Welcome, welcome. Hey, this is- Thanks for coming. Asian on Asian crime here. Yeah. Wow. So you're a quarter, is there a percentage of you that's Asian? No, people think I'm Asian. Yeah, yeah. I'm more like Hispanic. Oh, you're more like Hispanic. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You say you're more like Hispanic or you are more Hispanic? I more emulate Hispanics. Ah.

Oh. Are you a full white though? Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Have you done your 23andMe or whatever? No, I haven't. I need to. Wait, wait. I'm a little darker. I don't think so. You don't think so? I think you're just white with a little bit of tan. That's true. Yeah, white with tan. Yeah, yeah. I've been outside a lot. No, you're white.

I don't see the tan. You don't see his tan at all? No. Yeah, he's a little tan. Well, I have to know what he looks like in the winter. Oh, right. I don't know winter Kylie. What are your colors in the winter? My colors in the winter? Yeah. I can get pretty white. Okay, good. Yeah, okay, good. It's pretty. Yeah. Do you ever tan your nuts? Tan my nuts? Yeah, yeah. No? Okay. Do other things with them. You should try. Whoa.

wait, wait, wait, stop. This is the shit I want to get into. He loves this. Yeah. Tippy tap. That's it. You tippy tap your nuts. Little nut play. Throw it to each side of the leg. Yeah. Is it your own nuts or somebody else's? That's what happens when, if you cozy game, like if you're playing with your pants off or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nuts start to get stuck to your side of your thigh. Yep.

Throw them in each side? Yep. We used to call that the bat wing. The bat wing. Yeah, if your nut gets stuck to your thigh and you spread it, it looks like a bat wing. Okay. You never done that? No. The flying squirrel? It's called a bat cave when you get it stuck to your gooch. That's true. That's a little bat cave. Write that down. That's something I'm learning now. Thank you so much.

That cave? Thank you so much. And when it gets stuck under there, you can yell, Alfred! And it'll unhang. Oh, the butler or whatever his name is. Yes, well, the wienerler. Did he get pussy, Butler? Did Alfred ever get pussy in the game, in the movies? You know what the problem is? What? Bruce Wayne kept him so away from everything. You know, Alfred didn't have time to get ass. But one time he did. When? In what movie? I'll tell you what movie. When did he get ass? I'll tell you where he got ass. He got ass in The Dark Knight. When? I'll tell you when, dude.

Will you just let me fucking talk, dude? I don't like being rushed by you. What are you rushing me today, dude?

All right. Sorry. My bad. That was my fault. Thank you. That was my aggression. So go ahead. I apologize. When does it happen? Well, remember that Russian ballerina thing? They closed that down. Uh-huh. Right. And then, you know what I mean? Then they got a yacht. Right. And then remember Christian Bale jumped off the yacht because he was going to get on a plane. I remember. To capture the Ching Chong guy. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know his name. Chin Han. Chin Han. He's my friend, the actor, Chin Han. Right.

And Alfred was on the boat with these ballerinas. So we don't know what happened there. Oh. You know what I mean? The assumption is he got to pick whoever he wanted. Well, I mean, what? Probably the Deshaun Watson treatment. Oh. Bobby doesn't know who that is. No, but I like it. But I do get the reference and he doesn't. Yeah, well, tell me the reference. It's like pretty much a happy ending massage. Except with a little bit more stretching.

Whoa. So you're getting massage, getting happy ending while you're doing yoga? Yes. Or Pilates. It's a surprise to the other person. It's a surprise to the other person. Not good. So if you and I were sketch stretching, let's say you and I did hot yoga. Okay. Can you see that happening in a... Yeah. Can you see us doing hot yoga together? I can. All right. I envision we're in Hawaii. Or Thailand or something like that. Oh, you want to go to Thailand, right? The motherland. What, you think I'm Thai? You think I'm Thai? I'm guessing. No, you're not. No, you're right. Well, guess what I am? What is...

Where's Bangkok? Thailand. Thailand. Okay, Bangkok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm not. Is that your last guess? Let me think about all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll just look. Korea. Yes. Yeah. Okay, let's go.

Wow, it's so good. Right on the money. Right, so we're doing hot yoga in Thailand, right? And we're stretching and then I walk up to you and I just start like putting my hands on your genitals. Is that what you mean by the Deshaun Lewis? Yeah, the Deshaun Lewis. That's what he's talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. That's what he's talking about. Yeah, yeah. Is it Deshaun Lewis? What's his name? Deshaun Watson. Deshaun Watson. Exactly. Have you ever had a happy ending? I've done it to myself many times. Have you ever had a happy ending?

I've been to Vegas. Yeah. Okay, good. That sounds good. I mean, have you gotten a handjob? How old are you, by the way? 25. You're 25? So I assume you've had a handjob before. Yes, sir. They're the worst. Yeah.

Do you like them or no? Oh, they're pretty, I don't prefer them. Yeah. Let's get to the other parts. Yeah. Oh, what are the other parts? I don't know. From your part of this country, I don't know. It could be different. Oh, this. Head and shoulders. Oh, I don't know, but yes. Second base. Oh, second base. Head and shoulders. Do you like sucking on titty or what? I do. You're a butt guy or you're a titty guy?

Hey, I love fucking titties. Knew it.

I knew you were one of us. The American way. Look at that. I knew it. God is good. God bless America. Greatest country in the world. It's the best country in the world. You know you can't do that in any other country. You can't titty fuck overseas. I know. They shun it. Well, in Asia, their titties are so small, it's very difficult. Yeah, two small things don't do. Yeah. You're just doing chest bone fucking. You know what I mean? They have these hard chest bone Korean legs. Oh. You just got to rub it against the chest bone. But that is, you know, that is how they make wasabi. And wasabi. Wasabi.

Fucking a pigeon chest. What? Like fucking a pigeon chest. Very good. True. Yeah. I like it. Whoa, dude. I like that. Broad shoulder. Are you seeing somebody now, Kylie? Seeing someone? No, not specifically. Okay. I'm kind of just doing tryouts. Oh, you got tryouts. Oh, I like that. So when you go out on a date, let's say I'm a girl. Can we pretend? Yes, sir. Yeah. My name is Loop Loop.

- Oh, I love her. This is my favorite character. - What? I've never made- - I love Loop. - Yeah, I'm Loop Loop. - Yeah, no? - No, no. - What are you doing? I'm Loop Loop. - That's your Italian accent. - Yeah, that's my Italian, yeah, yeah. All right, I'm Loop Loop. - Perfect. - Hey, what's up brother? - Hey, hey sister. - Very good already. - You're already sucking his dick. - Where are we going?

Where are we going? Yeah. Hey, let's just go straight to the crib. Whoa. Yeah, but it's 6 p.m. I haven't eaten. I thought we were going to have dinner. Okay. Sushi. Okay, where, brother? Thailand. We're going to go to Thailand? Whoa. Whoa. This guy's going to fly you to Thailand? So now we're on a plane. That's probably the easiest way to get to play there. Whoa. So you're going to fly all the way to Thailand to get sushi?

Possibly. But you don't know any sushi places in LA or Texas? No, no, okay, fine, we're going to get some chicken or something. Oh, chicken! Well, it was a downgrade. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sushi to chicken. We went from sushi to chicken already. The way you're dressed, you know, you look like you'd probably give it up pretty easy. Whoa! Whoa! Wait, you're saying that I'm fat? No, I, no, it's, no, it's the small hands. Oh, I have a little tight, dainty hand. No, I'm just kidding. Okay.

Okay, anyway, so what chicken place are, what's my name? Loopoo? Loop, Loop Loop. Loop Loop. Yeah, yeah. It's Loop Loop. Don't forget it, mister. Yes, sir. So what chicken place are we going to? City Chicken. Oh, City Chicken. Is it good? Is it good? City Chicken. City Chicken. Activate. Whoa. One of the best spots in LA. Really good. So we go to City Chicken and then what do we, are we getting dessert or are we going back to your crib?

Back to the crib. Okay. I don't go on many dates. I usually just- I know, that's why we're acting it out, dude. I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to fucking help you. Okay. This guy's the dating guru. I'm the dating fucking guru, dude. I'm trying to fuck. Let's get this show on air. I know, but you can't go right to fuck, dude. Hey. Yeah, yeah. I think he can. All right. So we're at your crib now. We're at your crib, right? Nice place.

Excuse me? Why are you squinting? I'm trying to zoom in right now. Oh, you're zooming in. Wait. For you to get long sight, you have to zoom in? These, when they gave me these, they gave me two different sides and two different strengths. Yeah. Like, I didn't like that. So it's just like...

I can't really see that great, but I just didn't feel like going back. He's zooming in. Oh, you're zooming in. Zooming in. And then, you know what? I'm going to zoom into you too. Whoa. That's hot. I thought you were already zoomed in. I'm zooming in. Do I zoom? I'm so sorry. I got COVID.

Sorry, I'm coughing. I have COVID. I feel- - Hey look, that's the origin. - Loop loop brought it over. - Wait, wait, wait. You think I'm from Wuhan, China? - A little bit of bat soup. Take loopoo for some bat soup. - Whoa, this is turning very QAnon and fucking racist. - Hey, whoa! - Whoa! Anyway, so we're watching, we wanna watch a movie, Cuddled Up on the Couch? - Sure. - What do you wanna watch?

What do I want to watch? Excuse me? I thought we were going to fuck. What are you doing? Okay, you just want to fuck? All right. So I didn't bring any condoms. Do you have any?

No, sir. No, ma'am. No loop. No loop. All right. You just want to ride dog it? Sure. He didn't even think about it. Yeah, sure. He went straight away. Wow. So that's your style. I've already got my booster and all that stuff. I'm good. Oh, you're vaccinated. Yes, sir. Oh, that's cool. Yes, ma'am. Wow. And these homies, who are these homies you're with? These guys? Yeah. That's my brother.

The black guy's your brother. Yeah, it's my manager and my camera guy. Oh, that's cool, dude. Not that camera guy. The new camera guy. The new camera guy. The new camera guy. Do you have any questions for our little friend? I'm really loving Loop Loop. I got to tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm losing my shit over here with her. Yeah, yeah. Well, you love Loop Loop? I love Loop Loop. It's a pretty good character, right? It's a great character. Thank you so much. So you're single though, Sketch, huh? Yes, sir. You're running around having a good time? Actively. Actively in play. Oh, good for you. Wow. Well, you're not on the apps though. Not really. Can't use them? Can't really. Too famous? No.

No, just not enough good pics. Ooh. Kind of got to show up in person. Now, do you get your girls from DMs? DMs and mostly just go to parties or just go out. Oh, a party. No, not that time. Hey, a ditty party. Please don't go to those. Hey, don't party like a sketch party.

Are you throwing parties at your house? No, I'd- so like I live with banks right now and uh, I mean, uh, we just- I just go- I'll go places sometimes but mostly like just out but like I don't know I'm trying to think of- I usually just get addresses from people. Oh. Whether it's a place or like a restaurant or something. Yeah, yeah. Good for you. Well you get addresses? I don't- can you explain? He's young and successful and they tell him where to go. They say come here, come party here, go there, go party there. And then when you party do you drink?

- I drink, smoke a little bit. Mostly smoke. - Some weed? - Weed, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do Molly? - Oh, no. - Okay. - Have never. - Never have. - Ooh, interested? - Have you taken Molly? - No, yeah. - No, yeah, many times. - What's it do? What's it like? - Feels good. - Put you back in that loop loop scenario. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - My wiener's tingling.

What's up brother? I think that's another maybe catchphrase. - My wiener's tingling. - My wiener's tingling. Wow, that's a good one. - You gotta add like a, would you add a hand sign with it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That doubles the chances of it. You gotta put an emote with what you're saying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That makes sense. - Does your penis tingle often? - No, but it does burn sometimes. - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Yeah. - Uh-oh, hot dog.

Do you know that's his catchphrase? I have one kidney, so sometimes it just comes out like pretty, piss will come out pretty orange or something like that. What happened to the other one? Born with one. You're only born with one. I think someone probably harvested it. Somebody took it. Where were you born? I was born in Arizona. Oh, yeah, they take it out there. Yeah, that's where they take it. Phoenix? Phoenix. Wow. But you live in Texas now. Yes, sir. Yeah, yeah. What city?

I live in Houston. Oh, it's a good city. The big H. We love the big H. I love living in Houston. Yeah. Would you ever move to California? You like it out here or no? I like it out here for purposes like this, but besides that, I like living in Houston. I've lived there my whole life, so I just...

It's just kind of the vibe. - That's where all your people are. - Yes, sir. - Yeah, I get that. - How are you handling fame? - Pretty, I don't know, I take everything like day at a time. Like it's more like, I don't know, it happened pretty fast. I never thought I'd like, I don't really care to be on camera or stuff like that. Like it's pretty fun, but like-- - You seem very comfortable here. - Yeah, no, like I meant like just like cameras and stuff, like always, I was never like, I never like public speaking or anything like that.

- Well, we never learned public speaking. We just do it. - Yeah, we did. - Yeah, we did. - But I bet you, but a paid guy, I bet you can do all kinds of public speaking. - Yeah. - If you like, let's do a little test here. - Do a little. - Let's do a TED Talk. - Do a presidential debate. - Oh, would you like to do a presidential, with President Carver here? - Okay.

And I'll be the CNN moderator. All right. OK, so. Well, unlike my opponent. Well, I like me, sir. Yeah, we just started. OK. And I have to I have to do the introduction. Oh, sorry. So welcome, CNN. I'm Sally Stevens and I'm the moderator today. And welcome. And today is the Democratic nominee, President Carver.

Right? Hello. And we have the Republican nominee, President... What's your last name? Cox. Cox.

Anyway, let's get the debate on the road, okay? So about immigration, what is your stance, President Carver? Well, loop, loop, I'm glad you asked. Fuck. Unlike my opponent, I like people of all color. My opponent has said often that he does not like minorities. It's kind of the stance he takes. It's what he's talked about often. It's on his shirts. It's on his hats. Yeah. And, you know, I'm full in support of it.

My opponent has a tiny cock. He's got a baby dick. Okay. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. A little too fast. You know what? What? That gets my vote. That gets my vote. That just got my vote. I just won three states down south, baby. Wow. Look at that. That's incredible, dude. You should run. I know. I'm thinking about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're taking fame day to day.

Does it ever freak you out a little bit? Yeah. It's more like I'd wake up and go, it doesn't feel real or something. When you see pro athletes do what's up, brother, does that fuck with your head? Does that fuck you up a little bit? Turns me on. Hell yeah. No, I'm just kidding. They probably take it rolling. It's pretty sick. I never got the whole thing. What's up, brother? I did one time.

- But it felt like it turned into like a whole meme and like, kind of like, that's all people say to me. I have to say it back to them. - You don't have to. - So it's like a, oh no. - No, you don't have to say it. You can just let it go. - Is it annoying or do you want to? - Oh no, I like it. Bless in disguise. I just never really got the whole, it's just like, what's up, bro? Like, you know what I mean? I thought that was a pretty common. - Yeah, but it's your cadence, it's your look, it's your style, it's who you are. That's what people got into. - Yeah. - Okay. - They like that, you know, like they like that the rhythm of it is good. They like the way you present it. - Stole that from DJ T. - God bless.

Hey, God bless. They like you. And that's a good thing. That's it? That is good. Yeah, yeah. Usually these things happen when you don't try. You see a lot of people try. What are you laughing at, Carlos? DJT. Okay, what does that mean? Donald J. Trump. Okay. Yeah. Are you okay? Shit.

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Are you just football or do you like it? I like all sports, mostly just football though. Football is like where my claim is. I played that when I was growing up, did wrestling and stuff like that, but like never really fuck with it too much. Yeah. You're on the wrestling team?

- For a little bit, it sucked. You'd get your ass kicked a couple times. I was a chubby 170, so I'd go out there and wrestle like a real 170. - Wow. - They'd kind of like throw you around. - You know, this guy was an extremely good high school wrestler, so was his brother. - Really? - That's true. - Yeah. - Yeah. What weight? No, you guessed the weight. Guess the weight. - I thought sumo was one weight.

Bro, very funny. Brilliant. But I just, you know, because I'm being, I just want to. Asian jokes are layups, I'm sorry. Y'all don't fight back. Y'all don't fight back. Well, they can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, look. Yeah, so yeah, I just did collegiate wrestling, not sumo.

You did? Yeah, I did. You ever did collegiate wrestling? Well, I did high school, whatever high school. Was it freestyle at your school or what? Oh, yeah. Like, no, what's the other one? Collegiate. That's what it's called. Regular, where you stand, you're right. I did four years. You did four years. And what weight do you think I wrestled? You look like you're probably 180 right now. Oh, my God. Maybe like a little softer. Wait, what do you think you're, wait, you're not 180? Nope, I am. You put a one in front of it?

How'd you start with a one? Okay, 225. 225. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 225. Wow, I gotta get out of the olympic, I think. That's it, that's the final straw. No, it's... Yeah, dude, dude, that was fucking crazy. You think I came in aggressive? Right? Sumo, and then 280. What the fuck is going on around here, man? Hey, you look like you got soft skin. Come on. In a good way, though. In a good way, yeah. I love this guy, dude. I know. He's the best. Hey, we'll be tip to tip later.

Yeah, you will. Wait, stop. Can we slow down? No. I'm sweating now. Yeah. I'm sweating now. I see you're drooling a little. Yeah, I'm drooling too. You mean dock? Space docking? Yeah. Space docking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a sleeve? Do you have a sleeve? Or are you clipped? Oh, me? What should we call it? You got a helmet? I took a little off the top at the start. You took a little top? Yeah, me too. Just got a little buzz cut. That's what I told him when I came out. I said, a little off the top. Yeah, so we have no way of docking.

Yeah. So you're right, it would be tip to tip. Well, it'd be like this, huh? Am I the pinky? Oh, you're both pinkies. Really far. Oh, yeah. You have a nice penis?

Check Google. Okay. This guy's fast, dude. This guy's so fast, dude. Check Google. We love you, dude. I love you more. I want to know about your family. So are your parents proud of you? Yeah. Like I have great parents, great family. I'm blessed with the people I was raised by. Oh, cool, dude. All the things after the fact were my own doing. Mm.

What do you mean after the fact? Well, like up till, like, they raise you till you're 18 or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, like, they taught me everything that was right and wrong. And then you did your own thing after that. Yeah. A bit more of, like, freestyle. I'm working on it, but, like, you know. We're all working on it. Yeah. Because, like, you know, like, he's working. We're all working on something. Everyone's working on something. Bobby's sobriety, right? Yeah.

I'm trying to stop being so angry all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're failing at both. We're failing at both. What are you getting sober from? Drugs and alcohol, generally. Like what was your drug of choice?

Over the years, it's been different at times. Sometimes it's been alcohol. Sometimes it's been just weed. Sometimes it's been opiates. Yeah. Crack. One time it was crack. Crack. So now I'm fine now. Yeah. My advice is probably weed. Weed. Probably too much weed. All day, every day? Yeah. Yeah. A little bit before here. A little bit when I wake up. A little bit before I go to sleep. You ever taken a dab before? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I couldn't. I spoke...

It's Gaelic after I got so fucking high. Unbelievable, man. I hated it. I didn't like it. I don't like to feel that out of control. Too high. That's true. I want to be a little bit high and just coast through the day. Have you ever taken psychedelics in? Yeah, but it's a different kind of trip. Yeah.

Psychedelics is more involved, it's more peaceful. Dabs hits you in the face really hard. Yeah. I don't like it that hard. Feels like butane going in. Yeah. I want it slow and low, baby. That's true. Slow and low. So I'm gonna ask you, you don't have to get, you have to divulge, but I am curious.

Because your manager is here. And you know what that means. You're making money. Yes, sir. Whenever they come along, you know they're making good money now. So you're making good money, huh? Yes, sir. And I don't know where he works, but he's a fancy manager. Fancy manager. You mean this guy right here? Right there? Yeah, yeah. You like the jeans there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's wearing the same jeans. You work for a company or are you solo? Solo.

Yeah. Whoa, see, even that fucking response right there. Yeah. Yeah, very fancy. Well, I'm going to ask him because we can hear him on the mic, not him. You know your attitude today, dude? Just trying to help the whole thing. I know. You know? My bad. Your manager you met how long ago? January-ish. Right, so this is fresh. Yes, sir. And is it going good? Is he treating you right? Yeah, great, great guy. And we'll have him killed if he's not. Easily. What kind of stuff is he getting you into?

- Like in terms of like deals or like-- - Yeah, just-- - Yeah, I mean like I signed a couple deals. Like I got a deal with PrizePix. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. We love PrizePix. - PA, stuff like that. - Awesome.

I make most of my money from Twitch, though. Yeah, your Twitch streaming is the thing that kind of popped you hard, too. Yeah, Twitch pays pretty well, and then I do YouTube as well. What's the game you're playing on Twitch? The game I mostly play on Twitch, I do like IRL stuff more now, but I play a lot of Madden and stuff like that. Madden. Yeah, the gaming stuff during the summer, it kind of dies off and IRL kind of takes over.

What's IRL? I'm dumb. In real life. But what is that? What are in real life games? So it's like instead of behind desktop, it's like when you take it and you're free roaming. Like you can be doing anything. But it pretty much means like off a computer. No shit. So when kids are in school, that kind of like...

the desktop because like they'll go to school go home and then they'll watch they'll watch people game but like during the summer like a kid would rather play games and watch someone be outside kind of like so it kind of goes through ups and downs of like

God, that's such an interesting thing, man. I love it. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. People have pitched him because people want to watch him play. Oh, yeah. So you're saying don't do that in the summer? You should. Well, what I'm going to do, I think people really responded to me starting a farm on Stardew Valley. So I'm going to start a brand new farm. And I think I'm going to vlog it. Yeah, you should. That is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll see what happens. But you ever play Warzone?

Sometimes. Not really. I'm just trying to figure out a game where I can play with you. Try Madden. Yeah. I just don't know how it works. That's the only problem. Well, you know football.

Yeah, I mean, I think I know the sc-- the system of, uh, scoring system. Wait, is this Loop who asked me, or is this Bobby? This is Loop, yeah. Well, Loop and Bobby Lee are similar. They kind of are interchangeable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're kind of, uh, two in the same person? Yeah. Yeah, you know how sometimes-- oh, that's-- You wearing a skirt under there or something? Yeah, that's his Italian gangster. There he is. Oh, yeah. If you wanna go and talk to Vinny, you can talk to Vinny, you know? Yeah, do you wanna talk to Vinny? Who's that? That's Vinny. Oh, right there? Yeah. I'm like that fucking-- what's split?

I'm like the movie Split. Right. Yeah, yeah. I knew this, but then I also do loop loop. If I captured you, let's say you got knocked out.

You got knocked out, right? And you were in a cellar somewhere. You're tied to a fucking pole. Metal pole, right? I can see it now. And I'm like split. I come out, right? No shirt. Maybe a Hawaiian shirt, right? And I'm like, hey, how you doing? You know what I mean? And I did these characters. Would you be scared? I would be scared up to a certain point. What level of scared do you think?

I'd probably throw it like mid-range. What? You got an intimidating... You can be intimidating. You think I can? I think so. If you dress up or something. Yeah. Maybe put on some... Don't give the shirt up.

- What? What'd you say? - Keep the shirt on. - Oh, you think it's scarier if my shirt's off? - Yeah. - Yeah. You know, it's coming from a guy. - Here we go. - I always say, you remember Porgs? - Porgs? - Yeah. - What's a Porg? - From Star Wars. - Oh, no, no, I don't. - Oh, you don't want to. - Check this out. There it is. - Yeah, that's basically his body. - That's him. - Yeah.

It's impressive. Yeah. It's impressive. It's impressive. You know what the fuck a porg is? A porg? Yeah. No. You've never seen Star Wars? No, I don't really fuck with sci-fi too much. He likes real life shit. Yeah, it's true. He's not a nerd. Documentaries. Yeah, but he looks sci-fi. I look sci-fi? You mean he looks... I mean, he looks... Dude, I went to fucking Comic-Con. That's what they look like. I'm just whispering. You can't hear this, right? But...

Yeah. Doesn't he look... Andrew, back me up here. Doesn't he look like he knows sci-fi or not? Yeah, but you do too. Yeah, and I do. Right. I'm not denying it. He's denying it. Right, right, right. Maybe he doesn't. Yeah? You don't. I don't. Age-wise too. I refuse. 25 is also young for Star Wars.

Yeah? No, I'm just saying, like, I don't know if that generation likes Star Wars. Okay. That's older. We're older. That's older. Well, he's 25. That kid right there is 25. Yeah, but also, I didn't watch Star Wars until college. But also, like, we grew up with, like, prequels were coming out when we were kids. Yeah, they fucked up the sequence. They did. Oh, they fucked up the sequence. I totally agree. They fucked all that shit up. Yeah. It was better if they left it alone. Or they just started with Phantom Menace. Is that what you're trying to say?

Trash. It was trash. Anyway, so you don't watch any sci-fi? No, not really. I mostly just watch YouTube, Twitch, and then like... Who do you watch on Twitch? Other streamers, just trying to see what they're doing. I have no clue really how to stream right now, so it's kind of like...

You don't? When I started, I just kind of turned on this thing and I'd play a game. But to build out a stream, you kind of have to have multiple segments. So you've been so successful at it, it's funny that you say you don't know really how to do it. It's kind of just been working on its own. Yeah. Well, then why fuck with it? It's great. That's true. Right? If it's not broken, why are you trying to fix it? Obviously, you've amassed something very popular and...

I think the more people try to fuck with it, the worse it gets. Yeah. Yeah, I think leave it alone. I think you're doing a great job. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. It's weird. Like that old saying, if it's not broke, finish it. If it's not broke. Must be American. Don't fix it. There it is. DJT. That's right. Love it. Or leave it. Love it or leave it. List it. Love it or list it. Is it? That's leave it. Love it or leave it alone. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah. Test them on the phrases. That's smart. What is that phrase from? What? Is this a sci-fi thing? What? Love it or leave it? What is love it or leave it? Is that like a... I've never even heard of that before. Who the fuck said that? Wait, who the fuck said love it or leave it? I did. Yeah. Where's that from? Life. Okay. What does that mean though? Love it or leave it alone. Right. Okay. Do you love me, Lupu? What?

Loop loop? Why do you keep calling me loop loop? Loop loop? I mean loop loop. It's loop loop. It's two loops. Two loops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. Two loops don't make a wrong. Double loops. Yeah. I just made this one up. I like that. I just made one up. Have you traveled internationally? I've been to Japan. Whoa. Yep. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. He's just saying regionally. He pointed regionally. Yeah, but he went... Well... Like, I'm supposed to go, I concur? Yeah.

No, you're supposed to say, you're welcome. Touché? What the fuck is this? Well, he's thanking you. Canada? Yeah. Canada? Thank you. Canada, dude. All right, good. That's the two I've been to. Yeah, yeah. So Canada and Japan. Yeah, and then London. What'd you do in Japan? Japan, we just got- Middle Earth. Middle Earth. Middle Earth. Hey, yo.

Your head could rotate behind you. - What was going on in Japan? - What was going on in Japan? I was there with FaZe and then we just tried to stream in the morning, so pretty much drank in the morning and then passed out by three. - That's what you did every day? - Yeah. - Pretty on par. - How many days?

- We were there for like a week, probably eight days. - So every day you'd wake up and get drunk at whenever you woke up and then you'd go to bed by 3:00 PM. - Every day we'd wake up at 8:30, go to 7-Eleven, probably get some, we'd get a couple of lemon sours. They're like, what is the percentage of a lemon sour over there? - Don't know. 11%, 9%. - Wow. - 9%. - It's like an IPA. - Four of those? - Yeah. - Feeling good. - And just walking? - Did you talk to any of the Japanese people? - I got a couple of these.

Yeah. Oh, there's like, get in the fucker. Is that what it is? Do you not know about this in Japan? What is it? They don't, there's a lot of places that they don't want whites coming around. They don't want tourists coming around. Oh, thank God. They X you out. They tell you no thank you.

this is a real thing you gotta be fucking they were doing it like there's one lady did it like my hand to god since you know i was like going holy they'll tell you no thank you wait wait you gotta be it's segregation like the fucking 1950s south that's why japan is so nice they really go get the fuck out of here yeah well no they don't say anything they just tell you no because they're what they're trying to communicate is they don't speak english and nobody there does they're not going to try to communicate with you

So when you go there, they see, obviously you're a fucking white. Yeah, yeah. And they go, okay, okay, okay. Because they're saying, no one's going to try to speak English to you. Yeah, yeah. Can you still go in? No, you wouldn't. Why would you go past that? Yeah, I would go this back. No. Yeah, yeah. You do that to me. Yeah, it's not like- I go out into a, no, you. No. No, you. No, yeah.

And I walk in there. Well, the problem is. And go, get me a fucking cabbage stew. Well, they'd let you in. Oh, yeah. They would assume that you might be able to finagle your way through. Okay. See, now he's doing it. Oh, no. That's my bread and butter. Yeah. So they do this. That's interesting. They also do a thing called, we call it WPT, which is white people tax. So you'd have tourists that you'd go to get a bill from a restaurant. Yeah. And there'd be like other tax, tourist taxes included.

- What does that mean? - They have a tourist tax. If you're eating and you're not a fucking local, they tax you on top of what you've already paid. - Wow, so how much money is that? - It's another percentage of the bill. - Wow, is that offensive? - No. - Okay. - No, no, no. What do you mean? How would it be offensive? - Would they add more money? - Because I'm a tourist.

Okay. Yeah, it's tourist tax. Trying to squeeze the lemon out of there. That's right. And get lemonade. That's true. Exactly. Well, they don't serve lemonade over there, but yeah, I do understand. Okay. Lemon sours. Excuse me? Lemon sours. I'm sorry. I'm pea-brained a little bit. I'm pea-brained too. Don't worry about it. Two peas in a pod. What were you doing? What'd you do in London? Tell me about London. London, kind of same thing. We just kind of bounced around pubs. Okay.

I have a drinking problem. Yeah? Well, it's more of like, I'm more of like a drinking athlete, I guess. Ah. But did you mingle with the locals there too, either, or no? More in, yeah, in London, the locals there were pretty sick. They'd just come around and they, they're just always drinking. Yeah, yeah. London's pretty mundane. Can you give us a British accent? Did you pick anything up? Hello. Yeah. Hello, mate. Good. Very good. Hey, mate, what would they say?

Bro? Bruv. He's right. Bruv. Hey, bro. I'm smoking a... Oh. Yeah. Very good. That's pretty much what they say. Yeah. I felt like I was in London when you said that. Yeah, so did I. Jolly old London. Yeah. Liverpool or something. That was really good. They call cigarettes that. Yeah, they do. Yeah, I know. I live on planet Earth. I didn't know what time it was there. Yeah, I know what they... What?

Well, he does one. Oh, it's great to meet you, sketch. It's so good, right? Welcome to London, sketch. I'm a friend. My name is Bean Gruntos. I'm Bean Gruntos, too. He does it. Well, see, I do it and he does a cowboy. He does like a little, an Asian cowboy. Asian cowboy? I'm a friend, too. Bye. Yeah.

Look at that. Pretty good, huh? Giddy-uppa. Giddy-uppa. That's an Asian cowboy. That's his nickname. Giddy-up. You like Asian chicks? Do I like Asian chicks? Yeah. What's your favorite? Ethnicity. The lady I'm talking to is a little Asian. Ooh. Half or full? I don't know. I got to investigate that a little more. Right. Only seen her in the dark so far. I'm not even sure if she's Asian. She just was like... Stop. Okay. Okay.

Stop for a second. Let me just, please, I just need to. Yeah, recoup. I've only seen her in the dark. God is good. God is great. No, all the time. God is good, God is great. Yeah, yeah. No, no, it's all the time. And is she like loop-loop?

Is she like Loop Loop? Yeah. She doesn't talk like Loop Loop, but she has some characteristics. Smaller feet. A little bit of that going on. Yes. We also smoked a little bit. In the dark? Outside. Outside? Everything was in low lighting. Not pitch black. Yeah. Are you saying that she could be a guy? I wouldn't be the first time. There you go.

No, no, no, no, I feel like there you go. When you there you go what no she was perfect No, she's in beautiful. Wait, she lived here in LA or Texas, uh, Texas. Oh, so you can't wait to get back to her Oh, I just bring her out here. Sometimes she's here now. Um, she was here No, what's your last love to me? Oh, she was how old is she? Um, she's my age like 24 Wow She's a cutie. You guys know her. Okay, so

It's been at night. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop. This makes no sense to me. Can I just do some investigating? Yeah, do it. Okay, thank you so much. But the more you talk to them, the less we can hear them. I'm not going to talk to them anymore, but they did shook their heads, so they've never met this person before. They didn't say no, yeah. So, you've only seen her in the dark, okay? But she's been out here.

but no one's seen her. So what's going on here, buddy? - My close friends have seen her. - Don't look at them. - They don't live with me. - Okay, okay. - So people have seen her. - Yeah. - She exists. - She's a real person. - This isn't, she goes to another school. - She goes to another school. - Oh, she goes to a different school. - Right. - Pretty much. - Across town. - Across town, okay. - Trying to beat the allegations here. - All right, so here's the deal.

- You're doing a good job. - You're doing a very good job. - So this girl that you're seeing now might be Asian, but have you dated many other races of girls or no? - I've been around the world. - Oh, you have? - Not dating. I mean like just, you know. - Just hooking up. - Sharing love. - Yeah, swap it a bit. - Sharing love. - I'm a lover, not a fighter. - Yeah, yeah. - A little naked wrestling. - Yeah. - A little naked wrestling. - Yeah. I like the whites. - Why is that?

He does. He only dates white girls. Is that true? Exclusively. I thought you had a... Aren't you... Are you married? No, not. He got out of a long-term relationship with a woman who was Asian. Okay. But now, since then, he's gone real white. I'm just going on a white tour right now. Yeah. So, like, mostly just, like, up in Washington, D.C. or something? Well, there are whites all over the country. Yeah.

Yeah, the good news is we're everywhere. You gotta get the real ones, though. Oh, there's real ones up north. Well, there's different types of, I mean, like. Oh, explain to me the types because I'm not white and you're white so you can give me the categories. Give me the fucking categories there. Cajun, hillbilly. Oh, hillbilly, yes. Tan. Tan. Not tan. Not tan. Kind of Asian. Fat. Could be Asian. Yeah. Would fat be one?

There are fat white chicks. Exactly. I've seen that show, 600 Pound Life. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Love. Love that show. Love that show. You like that show? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Although I've been watching 600 Pound Life, Where Are They Now?

And you know what they should call it? 600 pound live, they're still 600 pounds. Where are they now? They're still fat. Right. You never lose the weight. How could you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 600 pounds? Yeah, yeah. That's two of you. That's so much to lose. Dude, that's so rude. No, it's not. It is. It's a little rude. It's okay. You're built like the lower half of a snowman, but you're okay. What's up, brother? Yes, pup. Okay.

Very good, dude. Very good. Yeah, anyway. What's next on the tour for you? Like, where are you going after LA? Are you going to go back to Houston? I go to Houston probably for a Texans game. Oh, you're right. Are you going on the field? They put you on the field? I mean, like, I can probably, yes. Yeah, you should. It wasn't planned. Manager's right there. We should get that thing moving. Yeah, let's get that shit on the road. That's right. Get him on the fucking field. Have you met any of the Texans? Yeah, I've met Stroud. I've met Tankdale.

John Menchie, Stefan Diggs. Ooh, Stefan Diggs, the man. Yeah. They're all pretty sick. I'm a Bears fan. We play you guys in week two. Oh, yeah. Dude, you should go to the game. Invite me. You want to go to the game? Yes, I do. All right. We got extra boxers. We're on the field. We got to be on the field. We tell the manager. No, you don't come. No, no, no. Oh, we can make that happen. You would never want to go to a football game in a million years. Ever. Ever. I've been to them. When? When I was a kid. I had a friend named Tyler Phillips. He was blind in one eye.

Did I ever tell you about Tyler Phillips? Who are you, Theo Vaughn right now? No. So I was friends with a guy named Tyler Phillips, right? And the reason why I stopped hanging out with him, because when I spent the night. I spent the night at his house once, right? And he slept on his left side of his face. But it's the right eye where he's missing the eye. And it just opened. No. While we were sleeping. Yeah. And I was looking at him, and he opened his eyes. He goes, are you awake, Tyler? And he was like...

and it freaked me out. That was it? That was it. What does that do with the football game? Yeah, where did that go? Let me finish. I'm not even fucking done, dude. You're being rude, dude. I'm leading you. All right, so...

My dad, right? Tyler Phillips' dad was rich. Yeah. So he goes, he's going to my dad and goes, would you like to see, we have, you know what I mean, box seating at the- Chargers. No, Minnesota Vikings. Because the one we lived in- Oh, that was in Minnesota? Yeah, yeah. Oh. And I remember my dad and I went to the fucking Vikings game in these box seats. And my dad was just-

Dead? Asleep the whole fucking time. He slept. It was super embarrassing. Who cares? Yeah, but it's like, we're in the box seats. There's like other people. People are cheering. And my fucking old Korean dad...

I was sleeping. It was fucking embarrassing. He needed rest. He worked really hard. Yeah. Fashion gal took a lot of time. So I did see that game and I saw a couple of Chargers games. All right. So I've been there. You have. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I like being invited to things. Well, let's invite you, but you won't go. Fine. I won't go, but I would like to get invited. Right. That's, that's kind of the whole point. Love to have you. Love to be there. But it is nice. It is nice to get invited. Right. I don't want to. Like, I don't, we don't get invited to parties. Like he gets to go to these cool fucking parties. We don't get to go to that. When's the last party I was invited to?

Well, you've been invited to parties. When? At Russell Crowe's house. That was because of the thing. Yeah, but you were... Was that a party?

Get together. No, it's a party. Get together. What's the difference between a party and a get together? Everybody knows there's a big difference between a party and a get together. Give me the difference because I don't know. A party is... Oh, so there's got to be a DJ. And a get together is like... Okay. So I've never been invited to a party. I've only gone to get together.

I've never been to a party where there's a DJ at somebody's house. Fuck that. Yeah, you have. That's such a lie. Absolutely. I've been places with you where there's DJs. Who? Fucking Whitney always has someone doing a DJ. Yeah, that's somebody on a fucking iPhone. That's where the fucking DJ is. Yeah. Someone with an iPhone going, here's my plant lance. That's where the DJ is. I hate that, by the way. What's your party music you play? Excuse me? Boom, boom, boom, ding, dong. What?

Turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese. Not really. Yeah, no. I like older people.

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Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Let me ask you something. Let's get, what's it going to take to get your new phone? To get me a new phone? Look at that thing. Put that thing up. Show it to camera. Yeah. What's going on, dude? You getting fights with it? Yeah. Just running a low budget right now. No chance. No, I'm just kidding. But like, I just don't, I don't, if I break things, I don't really get them fixed. What version of the, is that, what version? That one?

It's a new one. It's just shattered. Yeah, yeah. It's probably two years old. Yeah, but it's all in pieces. We got to get you something new. Not a bad, not a bad. Well, you know, I bet you the reason why you don't get a new phone is because it's update. Like, I'm always scared that, not scared, but I have to download all this stuff. Oh, redo the thing again? Redo all this stuff. Yeah, Apple makes you do the thing again where you got to transfer it to the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually like that. It feels like a new start whenever I go get a new one. Actually, I think you're right. I think they made it easier. They have made it a little easier. I think they made it easier. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But still, I don't like getting the new phone every time because I know people that do that. Yeah, you got to use iCloud and then you got to drop it. I'll wait till I need it. But then this is a call. You need it. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's time. Do you get nudies on your direct message? Ooh, little nudie DMs?

Little bad boy nudie DMs? Lately, it's a lot of pictures of me. A lot of, so people send you pictures of you? No, we're just people trolling. But, yeah, like, I mean, like, get people, like, more trolling stuff. You get a lot of trolls right now. Yeah. Fuck that. Post what I call post-E Day. Now, did you, does those hurt your feelings or no? Um,

- No, I mean, I just click it, pass it, and then I kind of just live my life. - Well, let me tell you something. - That's great. - Greatest piece of advice. - What a healthy outlook. - Fuck all that shit. - Fuck all that shit. - Fuck all those people that say dumb shit, whatever they're saying, fuck all those people and fuck all the shit they say.

They obviously are jealous or they're obviously fans because they wouldn't take the time to reach out if they weren't. So fuck them if they hate you and keep doing that because I think that's the best move you can do. You know what? Here's the worst kind of message that I get. I'll tell you the worst message lately. I mean, I know. No, you don't. This is a new one. Oh. They'll go, dude, I'm such a huge fan, dude. And fuck all those haters.

Right? And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, what are you talking about? So now in my mind, I'm like, there's so many haters. Just say that you like me. You know what I mean? He's like, I've been reading your comments, man. Don't even read that shit. I go, how many are there now? And now you're going to look. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I hate it. It's just, give me the compliment. Don't go, you know what I mean? This other stuff is out there. I mean, look at mine's the most untantalizing. Let's see what this is. Ready? Let's go. Let's jump in the request folder.

All right, here we go. Ready? Cameo. Just DM me. The app. Look at that. Hey, Andrew, give us a try. Would you like to give us a try? Nope. Don't. Your first one is an ad. You know what's so funny about Cameo?

they start sending me a hot chick will do it. Oh yeah. Like the prettiest girl. And she's like, hey, I just want you to know I'm a big fan. Will you do cameo? It's like they trick me. They know you already. They know. They know you already. This is so bad. There's like literally nothing in here. It's really funny. There's like nothing in here. Yeah. Hey, bro.

When are you going to come to the UK? Can I have $50? Can I have $50? Andrea Jin's calling me. Should I pick it up? Yeah. No, no, no. Because he won't know who that is.

She's very nice. Andrea Jin, she's a comic. She'll pick up a picture. She's a good looking lady? Well, she's Loop Loop. She's Loop Loop. Yeah, yeah. That's who the character's based on. Yeah, yeah. No, she is, yeah. Is that your sister? Uh-huh. Well, they all are. Well, we're all brothers and sisters. That's right. So you say what's up, brother, and you should do an Asian what's up sister.

What's up, sister? There. See, that came out natural. So he goes up, you go down. What's up, sister? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, sister? What's up, brother? What's up, sister? It's pretty good. You know what, dude? Can we hang out? Yeah, I'm down. If I go to Texas, we got to hang out with this guy. Don't you like to sleep a lot?

I'm so sorry where would you learn information like that TikTok and stuff like that he knows who the fuck you are oh yeah I sleep a lot you're acting like that's an out of pocket thing to say your nickname is a slept king what the fuck I know but I'll tell you why I sleep a lot I know why is that 285 getting you

It hurts so bad. I know what it is. You know what it is? No, you don't even know. I discovered it. I just discovered it. Well, sometimes you're a little depressy-weshy. That's not why. Well, sometimes you've eaten too many meals. That's good. That's one. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes... Oh, God. I got to tell you. You're staying up too late playing video games. Do you stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning playing video games? No. Just mostly kind of just can't sleep and then...

I don't really sleep too much, but I've got to stay up just chilling. How many hours a night are you getting of sleep? Probably four or something. You know what you should do next time you're three in the morning and you can't sleep? Call me. Let's chat. Okay. You know what I mean? Let's chat with each other. Check in. Just roll over. Yeah, that'd be...

That's right, you're right there. Oh, yeah. You know what I would like to do? That's very good. Let's FaceTime each other. We'll be in the band. You'll be in your bed in Houston. I'll be in my bed in LA. We FaceTime. And side to side. Let's whisper goodnight to each other. Would that be nice? A little love in there? You look like you got soft lips. He does.

I just got so uncomfortable. I don't know why. You look good. You look like you're a good kisser. Yeah, pretty good. But you know, how dare you too, you know? Hey, it's like a... Yeah. You know what? Your lips look nice. Thank you. He's blushing. You're blushing. I'm actually blushing. Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, it's wild. It looks like you drank alcohol. He's pitching a tent. Stand up. Check him. Uh-uh. What if I was hard right now? Oh my God, that would be so bad. We wouldn't be able to tell. Don't worry.

Dude, you're so on it today. Thank you, sir. Fucking the sumo joke was great. Yeah, yeah. I'm 280. That was good. Yeah. Small dick now. Great. Yeah, I love it. He's hitting you from all over the fucking place. You know what I mean? Tell me why you can't sleep. I have sleep apnea. What's the fuck? What? Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. What? What? You definitely have sleep. No, but here's what the deal, dude. You know what sleep apnea is?

Uh, yeah, like where you can't sleep? No, you... Yeah, Sketch, that is right. That is right. I'm gonna know where you're asleep and then you can't breathe. You stop breathing. You stop breathing and then you just kind of wake up. Yeah. Sometimes you go... Yeah, and I gasp for air.

It's the first time you ever laughed. I like it. Yeah. It gives you joy when I struggled for breath. Hey. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. No. So what I do, what's great about my situation is so I'll just set my fucking clock at 3 p.m.

Why don't you just get a sleep apnea machine? I won't. I refuse. Get one. We'll buy him one. No, I refuse. Yeah, is that a sleep apnea machine? You want one of those? Yeah, I'll take two of them. What? That's a wiener machine. One for me and one for my friend. Do you want a wiener machine? Sure. We have like a hundred of them. How much was it? I don't know. Hundreds of dollars, but you can have it for free. Okay, let's go. Okay. Have you used a wiener machine? Um...

They used to call me the weenie machine. Yeah, that's true. High school. No, I'm just kidding. I'll tell you why we can sleep. So what I do now is I... Dude, come on, dude. That's insane. That's what you need? Is that what you got? Yeah, I'm not wearing that. That's what you need. Because Joe Coy wears that. I'm not wearing that. No, he doesn't? Yeah, he does. Oh, wow. He showed me. I'm not wearing that. Okay. So here's the thing. So I wake up later so that when I wake up from a sleep apnea breath thing,

I go back to bed and I go, since I don't have any time to wake up, I can just relax and go, I'll just sleep whenever. Right? And then here's another second thing I've been doing is I've been controlling the ants. Oh, you got control of the ants finally. I don't know if you guys know this, but because of the heat, there's a war. Oh. And I'm telling you right now,

I'm winning it. And I'll tell you what I'm doing. I got three things. I got three devils. What do you got? No, the dirt devil. Oh, the dirt devil. I get it. All right. You have three vacuums. I bought three of them. You could have just bought one and used it a lot. No, no. No? No, I need three. You position them? Yes. So they're in post. He sets them up like a podcast. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One straight on, two from the side. I got three of them, right? Yeah. I got probably 3,000 of the hotels.

And hotels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. The traps. Right. Right, they have the sweet juice in it. I know it. You know it, right? It gets me sometimes. And there's just hundreds of bottles of Raid. And so you're Raiding your whole house. Yeah, and I'm having a war and I am winning this real war. I bet you are. And sometimes, you know what I've been doing lately? What? Crushing it with my finger.

You're a bad boy. Yeah, I crush each one of them and I make a comment. What do you say? You want to fuck around with my fucking thick thumb or whatever? I don't know. No, that's not right. What? That sounds right. Fuck you. I'll just say things. You know what I mean? Yeah. Come into my house, bitch. You know what I mean? Look at that. Because they're strong. No. Yeah, they can hold 16 times their weight or whatever. I Googled it. It's still 1,000. I know, but if you smash it just briefly, their little legs don't go like that. No, I got it.

I gotta get them. Pancake. Pancake. I pancake them out. I get it. Right? So. Have you thought about. Stop. Hiring someone. No, I will not. No, yeah. So look at that. That's a fucking, that's a building. I know that's a leaf, but that's like a human being lifting a building. It's like, it's, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or like whatever weights. 20 times their weight they can lift. Exactly. So, you know, so my point being is this. You know, you're 200,000 times its weight. No, I'm just, I'm just saying like, you know what I mean? Can I just finish my thing or no? Please. All right.

So at night, when I feel like the war is won. Are you talking about the dick machines right now? Yeah. No, no. I'm talking about the ants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once I've read and there's no ants inside. Yeah. I can go to bed. So that's when the piece comes into play. That's when the piece comes into play.

I hate them so much. Don't you hate ants? I don't really get them. And if I did, I would hire someone to come in and clean them up. Okay, good. That's your thing. You buy three dirt devils and you stay up all night. Yeah. Oh, but the dirt devils is great because it makes you feel like an X-Men. You know what I mean? Like, I'm Storm or whatever. You know what I mean? And they go, what the fuck? You know what I mean? And they get sucked in. You know what I mean? And I love seeing them in the little fucking, what do you call it? The little chamber. Little window there. Yeah.

they don't know what the fuck hit them. You suck and torture it. Yeah, yeah, they fuck and fucks them up, dude. The Lee dynasty. That's right. Yeah, don't fuck with the Lee dynasty. Don't fuck with the Lee dynasty. Yeah. Sketch, have you had fun on the show today? I've had a lot of fun. Well, I probably thank you for coming on the show. That was so fun. Thanks for having me. Do you want to leave us with any words of wisdom, Sketch? And do you want to impart anything on the crew before we let you go?

Thanks for having me. I don't know. Probably stay away from Lupu. Yeah. Get the name right, Chachi. Hey, hey, hey. Loop, loop, you fuck. Loop, loop. Loop, loop. STML. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you're sexually attracted to me or we're friends. No, you just turned me on from a distance.

Wow. That's a good compliment. From a distance. It looks good from afar. Yeah. You get close, it's different. It's more the sense. I'm not really too... No, I'm just fucking him. No, no. I love you, dude. You're a good girl. Dude, you know, you're a white version of me. Yeah. Kind of. That's pretty sick. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is who I was at 25. If you give me a mustache and... You'll be able to grow one one day. One day. Yeah, yeah. I'm working on it. You shave?

I shaved like a month ago or something. Holy shit. That's like you. Yeah. That thing took him 52 years to get on his face. Let's get him in a movie. I'd love to. I'd love to get him in a movie. If him and I ever do a movie, you're in our movie. Okay. You'll do it? What type of movie are we talking about? Action. Action. Action comedy. Hey, look at that. Yeah, yeah. We'll negotiate with the manager. He's right there. We'll get him a good role. No, I think the role is already you're in a cage.

No. No, no, no. And we go, you want us to unleash the fucking fury? Yeah. Right? Unleash the virus? Yeah. Why does it have to always go back to COVID? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's over. Some people don't think so. And now it's back. Wow. Sketch as COVID. Well, give him a round of applause. That was fucking great. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much. Appreciate you. Just look into that camera and just say thank you for being a bad friend.

Just fire right? Yeah, whatever. Thank you for being a bad friend. Love that. Love it. You know what I can't stand on fucking when I'm scrolling? Videos of the last day with their pet. Oh, I hate this shit. I had to fucking swipe so fast. I hate it. I don't want to see that. It's always a white woman with a dog in her hand. Yeah. And I know what video it is because they start crying, right? And then you can look at the dog and the dog is just barely up. You know what I mean? The dog's like...

whatever they're doing. I saw one of those split screens on TikTok. It was one girl with her final day with the dog and the other one, an Asian guy eating it.

There it is. That's not. No. Yeah, yeah. I can't stand those videos. I can't stand those videos. You know what the worst one was? I saw a guy and it looked like a beautiful video of just him with his dog. Yeah. But then at the very end, he goes, I'll miss you. It's our final days. And I was like, oh my. Oh my God, I can't do it. Another one is pet negligence. What? What is this?

Oh, like people leaving in the car and stuff? No, it's even worse. Oh, no. I don't want to hear it. No, no. I'm just going to tell you. All right. I'm just telling you what I don't like. Yeah. All right. It's like whenever it's like...

Fluffy, fluffy, fluffy. And then an alligator eats it. Oh, yeah. I'm like, what is Fluffy doing around an alligator? Why are you at the lake? Yeah, yeah. Fucking put a fucking leash. Yeah, get a leash. If you know there's alligators, you put a leash. We had a scare, dude. I told you when I was back home, my dog, we had to take her to the emergency vet. Yeah. She was puking and shitting blood. Oh, no. Cubs. Yeah, I got so scared. No, we had to take my dog to the vet because she was throwing up blood in the middle of the night. And then she was shitting blood.

- They got real scared. - Oh wow, when was this? - In Chicago, just last week. - And then what happened? - We took her to the vet, they ran all the tests, they ran the x-ray, they did blood work, all that stuff. They think that she might've eaten something strange and it got into the lining of her stomach. - Oh no. - But we couldn't find out what it was, so then we changed her diet and did that whole thing with the rice and the ,

And then three days later, she was okay. Oh, thank God. Dude. Thank the Lord. In the middle of the night, I'm cleaning up blood out of my mom's carpet and I'm bawling. I'm just bawling, cleaning up blood. I'm like... Are you really crying? Oh, yeah. Hard. I was so scared. I thought she was going to die. Wow. She threw up blood all over the place. Incredible. I was like, oh, God, please don't be something very serious. I was panicking. Also...

Not cheap to take your dog to the vet. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. Do you have pet insurance? Oh. What? You can get that? Yeah. I got money. I just put cash on. Money. Look at a big money guy. No, not big money. I'm just saying, what is it? Well, come on. Guess how much it was. A spleen? Guess how much it was for- Two grand. Huh? A spleen's two grand, no? A spleen is two grand? I don't know. Buying it on the black market? Yeah, I don't know.

X-rays and blood work. What was how much? 500. Wow. How much? 1,200. How much? Two grand. How much? Four grand. Get out. No, no, it's okay. What is it? 1,600. Wow. I was like, oh my God. Yeah, that's expensive. For an X-ray and a blood and a thing? That's what I spend on Postmates every day. Trust me, I know. Here's another thing that scares me. My brother, Steve, he'll send me photos of like,

Two frogs?

No, I'm not kidding you. I'm not fucking kidding you. Dissecting them? No. No. He has two frogs and then he'll zoom out and there's like an aquarium that he had built. Oh, no. I don't want to see it. He's like, you know Charlie and Frankie? You know, I just got them. And in my mind, they're going to die. Yeah. My brother's not going to be able to keep two frogs alive? No. Yeah. It's like, why does he do that? He has a new dog now. Well, what's the lifespan of a frog? Yeah. What is the lifespan of a frog? Of an average frog. He's got a dog? Yeah. Yeah.

One day to 30 years. Wow. That's all life. That's a huge difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all life. Yeah, that's us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's another thing that I discovered. In Chinatown, they fucking paint and they sell turtles, right? Oh, I love that. They're painting their shell. It's like you paint your nails. Yeah, but the paint's so toxic, they die. Yeah, but- Look at this beautiful shell. Is this a thing that's going on? That's what I saw. Turtle painting?

What is that? A painted turtle? Yeah. It's kind of like when you see someone dye all their dog's hair. That is beautiful. Why do they dye their dog's hair? You know people do that? You see that? Yeah. What's that about? I don't like that. I don't like that at all. There's no way the dog likes that. They don't like it. It doesn't want to be dyed. Or like poodles where they shave the sides but they get the back puffy. No one gives a fuck. Cut it out. Yeah, yeah. Unless they want to get an award. You can get awards for those. The dog shows? Yeah, yeah. I don't like the dog shows. Oh my God. That's just a painted...

Painted donkey. It's a painted donkey as a zebra. Oh my God. Mexico is awesome. Yeah. And his fucking butthole is all blasted out probably. For no reason. No, there's a reason. Why did you assume it was Mexico? It said Mexico. It said Mexico on it. You're the only fuckers that do that. Zoom in. That box says Mexico. Yeah. It says Mexico and it says tequila on the hat behind it.

Yeah, yeah. How much more obvious could it be? That's the thing. Yeah. We can make the announcement now if you'd like to. We are, as of 2025, going to fire all three of you. Yeah. Finding new blood. New blood. So, people at home, if you would like to be a new blood and replace one of these three guys, please- Carlos at the booth. Carlos at the booth. Carlos at the booth at gmail.com. Yeah. Please send an email over why you think you should replace one of these morons at Carlos in the booth, at the booth. In the booth.

Carlos in the booth. Thank you, Fancy. That's another reason you're getting fired. Carlosinthebooth at gmail.com. I have a side note question, if I may. You always may. Thank you. So I've been hiking. I have been hiking far. Can I ask? Go ahead. You hiked once? No. You hiked many? Many times. Okay. And I've been eating the same, but I'm not losing any weight. What's going on? Let's talk about what you're eating. No, I'm eating the same. Eating the same what? Bread. Bread.

The whole bread the whole time while you're hiking? Well, I've been like- You'll eat a loaf of bread while you hike? No, no, no. What I'm saying is I'm eating as much as I have been eating. And that's the problem. Right. But then I'm like, well, then I'll just incorporate long hikes every day. You have to change the diet and exercise. It's both. It's not just one. So what you're saying to me is if I eat the same and no matter how much I exercise, I'm still going to be fat? Let me give you something that's going to blow your mind.

Most of the time, it's all diet. It's all diet. Almost always. Then don't exercise. It's not gonna kill you to not, but it's gonna kill you. But it's not gonna do anything. But if you keep eating at the same rate, it will kill you. Okay. My wife's boss died at 93 years old. He never exercised a day in his life. It's all the, what he ate. But he ate right. He ate great. He just ate like healthy and that's it. So I tried to do the whole all meat thing. Very difficult. Yeah.

- It's gross. - Yeah. - All just meat, just beef all day. - Yeah. - It's gross. - It's pretty difficult. - Your shits stink. - They do stink. - Yeah. - And it gurgles my stomach. - Yeah, you get gurgly burgly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You can't have that. - I'm gonna try different things, but it's like, you know, I love the bread. - Let's do the diet of the blue zones, like legumes, a lot of beans. Are you eating beans? - No. - You gotta eat beans. - Why? - Everybody in the blue zones eats them.

Okay. The Blue Zone diet. See, a lot of these guys, it's wild. Give me the Blue Zone. It's a lot of plant-based. Fruits, vegetables, beans, tofu, lentils, nuts, seeds. Rich with disease-fighting nutrients are the cornerstone of their diets. When they eat meat, fish, eggs, dairy, they treat it as a condiment rather than the feature. Well, then Dane's wrong.

Who's wrong? Dane. Who is that? Cook. Oh, the cook is wrong. He was like, just eat. Six months, I've only been eating meat. Maybe it works for him. So I'm like, oh, should I do it? Yeah, yeah, trust me. Well, that's the problem. He's a cook, not a chef. You got to listen to a chef. Oh.

Oh, Dane Chef. Dane Chef. Have you met him? I've never met Dane Chef. Oh, I know Dane Chef well. I'll introduce you. That's the issue though. We should be eating more of that. Oh, okay. And treat meat like a side item, not the main core, not the main star. So have a little bit of meat, but have a lot more of the other stuff.

Okay, what's that? Air One granola. They have a bunch of this stuff. No, I have Air One granola at home. What do you want me to do with it? Throw it away. Oh, I throw it away? Throw it away. Why? Stuff's filled with sugar and bullshit. Throw that shit away. But can't he get like seeds and nuts and stuff from Air One so he feels like it's cool? You want to really set it up? Yeah. Go through a Blue Zone diet, like an actual grocery list, and buy it for him and see if it works for a week. This is all I need.

- Me? - What? - Me? - I need you forever. - God bless. - Aside from you. - Okay. - What I need is somebody to go, this is all you're eating today. - Yes, let's get you up. - And I'm always like, I'll go, okay, I'll just eat this.

I don't know where to go for that. That's what he needs. Not a private chef. No, no, no, not a chef, but just someone that's a nutritionist. I think we help change the diet. It'll get us over the edge. Don't you guys think so? I think so. I think we get a little diet change and that's going to be it. Tell me what you ate today. Let's go through it. Oh, so I went to Kinsick Chicken. Kinsick Chicken? Actually, it's so good. Have him bring it up. What is it called?

- City chicken? - No, I didn't say city dog. - Here. - It's called Kismet. - Kismet, like a romantic meetup. - Yeah. - Kismet chicken. - Yeah, so good, dude. - Okay. - Look at that. - Yeah, rotisserie chicken, good for you. - Yeah. - So what did you have though? - So I had that, that meal. - Did you eat the bread?

Yeah, I ordered two breads, yeah. Right, so let's stop that part. Just eat the chicken and the veg. I know, the bread's so good, though. I'm sure it is. The hummus. I'm sure. Yeah, so I ate that, and that was really good. Okay, that's all you had. Yeah, look at that. You should eat there. You know where that is? No, it looks good. But what I would suggest is smaller meals. Just a bunch of smaller meals. That's what they say. Oh, I don't know. How about we try him fruit till noon? You know this guy? Fruit till noon. There's a guy that only eats fruit till noon. You eat fruit till noon, and then you eat a meal. There he is, and he looks great.

Okay. Fruit till noon. Is that acai? I don't know if that's the guy. That's not the guy. I don't like that guy. Bobby doesn't wake up till 3 p.m. Yeah, so he's eating fruit till noon. Oh, here's another thing that I think is the reason why I've been gaining weight is acai bowls. Sugar. Yeah. A lot of sugar. And there's this one. This is my favorite one, but I think it's too much. It's too sweet.

And I've been eating maybe one or two of them a day. Don't eat. With the peanut butter and with all the fruits in it too and the granola. So many. It's so much. It's so sweet. You don't need it. It's so good, but I don't think that's the problem. Yeah. What about? And I think I have, and I don't know if I should cut this out, but I have an issue. What? Black toe. You got black toe? Yeah. Let me see. You can't see because I covered it with fucking toenail polish. How did you get black toe? Repeated trauma?

Yeah, I hit it and then it won't heal. It's been six months. It's black. Gout? No, it's not gout. It's not gout, dude. What is that? Medieval? What are you talking about? My college roommate had gout. Really? Yeah. Yeah, you can get it. Anyway, it's not nail fungus. Let's move on.