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Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash badfriends. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6 p.m. We're going to have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends Scary Time USA. Hey, dude. America, dude.
Yeah, live stream. October 24th at 6 p.m. PST. We're live streaming it. So join us at moment.co slash bad friends. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show and active patron members can join the VIP after party for free. Scary Times USA. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Let me do the horn, will you?
I learned about, can I tell you what, you know, how many, let me ask you, how many jazz musicians can you name? Every single one. Well, give me 10. Coltrane. What's his first name? John. That's very good. This guy, dude. Thanks. He knows everything. Keep going, dude. Miles Davis. Good. Muddy Waters. He's not in that. Muddy Waters is blues. He's not jazz.
- Yeah. - He's not in it. - Okay. - I refuse to let him in. - Dizzy Gillespie. - Dude, that was a good one, dude. - Thank you. - Dude, that's deep cut, dude. Dizzy Gillespie, go ahead, dude. - Dizzy Gillespie. - Yeah. - Etta Fitzgerald, Ella Fitzgerald. - Bro, deep cut. No, not really, pretty mainstream, go ahead.
Mike Martinville. There's no Mike Martinville. He used to be an insurance salesman. There's no Mike Martinville. Hi, I'm Mike Martinville. Oh, yeah. Okay, maybe. You don't remember him? Oh, yeah. Avant-garde. Yeah, avant-garde. Avant-garde.
Is there a Mike Martin guy? I don't think so. That's him right there. Oh, there he is. Right there. A Mike Martin. Okay. He went to Vail. It's Martin Vail. No, it was hyphenated. He got married. He took her name. Super progressive for the 60s. What did you learn on this doc, though?
Ken Burns taught you what about jazz? What did you take away from it? It sucks. It really legitimately sucks. No, jazz is great. It's terrible. But here's what I learned also. What I learned about it is...
Man, it's terrible. And also, I mean, because I wanted to go through, I went through the whole thing. And I was like, maybe this, from 1935 to 1940, maybe I'll like get into it. Right. But I never did. It never took. The only one that I really like is Billie Holiday because she's so depressing. Right. In my solitude. And I was like.
Kill yourself, Maya. Why don't you? It's so depressing. She's like a heroine. But you don't say the same thing about rock music that does sad, depressing stuff. Why? You just don't like the physical music. I like her. Sarah Vaughn's okay, but...
I just went through the whole thing and it's like, I just asked myself why. Why? Yeah, yeah. Well, it touches people in a certain way. Well, you know, Louis, goddamn man. I know. What a guy. Died in 1971. And Duke Ellington died in 1974. I just memorized. You just know when they died? No, I just kind of memorized random things, you know what I mean? In my mind, you know what I mean? Yeah.
So he died in 74 and pretty good. You know, modern day guy is a guy named Wynton Marcellus. Ooh. Yeah. I've seen him on Kill Tony. No. He's good. Yeah, no, he is good. That guy, dude. He is pretty good, dude. Look at him. His style is great. And then he had a brother named Brandon or Brandon Marcellus. Marcellus Wallace. Oh, from Pulp Fiction.
Marcellus Wallace is good. I heard it. Yeah, yeah. Very funny joke. Did not like it. And that bandit in his neck, that's where he puts the fucking trombone. He can blow from the back of his neck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a dolphin. You know he's half dolphin? Yeah. Marcellus Wallace, half black, half dolphin, dude. You didn't know that? Yeah. I almost watched Pulp Fiction last night. We were at the house that we stayed in. Had a little movie theater. And instead we watched, there was a vote on what to watch.
And my vote didn't win, but I really thought it was going to. What did they want to watch?
One guy wanted Terminator. Another guy wanted Pulp Fiction. Another guy wanted Wolf of Wall Street. And I wanted Wayne's World, but Wolf of Wall Street won. Of course it did. Wayne's World is so funny. It's so funny. It's a great one. Front to back is one of the funniest movies. The amount of lines. But yes, I wanted something uplifting. Wolf is actually super funny. It's just I wanted wackadoo funny. Right. But dude, I forgot how funny Wolf was. It's pretty good. I forgot the scene with McConaughey.
is so unbelievably funny. - Yeah. - When he's doing Rudy Tudors, when he's doing- - You're gonna be so mad at me right now, dude. - Why? - I never saw the movie. - You've never seen "Wolf of Wall Street"? - I refuse. - Why? - I don't like wolves. I really don't. I don't like wolves, I don't like that creature.
You know what I mean? I like dogs. You know what I mean? But I'll watch dogs on Wall Street. Yeah. That'd be fun, right? A little poodle. You know what I mean? Just a boardroom of dogs barking? Yeah, yeah. I'd watch that. NASTAC or whatever. They're in the Wall Street. Whatever, you know? What do you do? What is that? Did you hear about this? How Brittany Furlong's dog got attacked by a coyote and it's all over the news today. What do you mean it got attacked? Like in their house? Oh my God. In their house? Yeah. Whoa. In its mouth? Yeah. Right there.
That's fucking wild. And then what happened? Is the dog alive? It died? I think we can't leave the dogs out. She says... They're safe. Yeah. Nina was safe. I gotta call her. Don't leave the dogs out. Should I call her? Can we play that song while she answers the phone? She's not gonna pick up for me. I'm gonna play Who Let the Dogs Out. Dude, wait, before... Dude, but let me get her over first and then play it.
Hold on. Let me get another try to get her. Yeah, before before before. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Is she going to be mad? This is mean. Is this mean? The dog's alive. The dog's alive. It's very funny, though. Please pick up. Brittany, please pick up. Wait, is she still there? Hello? Brittany, we love you. We're just calling to make sure everything is OK. Well, hold on. That's amazing.
Well, who did let him out though? Yeah. You know? That's so scary and sad though. What happened? Eat your pizza, fat ass. Telephone number. What did you get? From the Prince Street. Oh, it's so good. That's my favorite. Oh, it's a Brittany Furlan. Brittany Furlan. She called me back. Get the phone. Hold on. Hello? Oh my God, you're the devil. What do you mean? You're the devil!
We love you. We love you so much. We just wanted to make sure the dog was okay. Yeah, she's good. Good. Psycho. Yep. I know, but we just saw the video. We didn't know about it. And it must be because we have dogs. It must've been a town. So sorry. I'm so sorry. It was awful. But we have to laugh at pain. Yeah, we have to laugh at pain and the dog didn't die.
No, I fucking pulled her out of its mouth. Is she injured? Oh my God, look at it. Oh my God, look at it. It's so bad. I'm so sorry. She's, um, she's like, I'm going to take her to the vet. She doesn't have any like puncture wounds or anything, but when I touch her, she's starting to cry. So I think she might have something on. I'm sorry. We're sorry. We're sorry. Can I ask you, what are you wearing while you're out there? In a robe. A bathrobe. Oh, I thought you were like, you're not doing yoga or anything.
No, I was just about to get in the shower. Oh, I see. Just like, it was fucking terrible. Yeah. I'm sorry. We're sorry. Oh, we're so sorry. Where's Tommy during this? Playing drums? Yeah. No, he was on a Zoom in the living room. Okay. Well, tell him we said hi. We love you so much. You're on Bad Friends. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. What's your podcast called with Britney?
This is the worst. This is the worst. Check their podcast out. Yeah, and we wanted to send you love. We were initially called to say we're happy the dog's okay, but we had to play the song just to show you some love. You guys are literally Satan. Okay. I love you. Bye. The dog's alive. It's alive. Rudy, you know what I mean? Yeah. But who let the dogs out? I don't know.
This is a big nightmare for me. This is nightmare fuel for Los Angeles. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. Honestly, every time. So now at night. Yeah, yeah. This is during the day, which is even more insane, but they live in the hills. Yeah. Where there's way more coyotes by you. Yeah, yeah. So down by us, they sometimes get around the neighborhood. But at night now, I walk with the dog in my arm, put her down to pee and pick her right back up. I used to let her out, but now I don't let her out anymore. Yeah. Because neighbors have complained about coyotes everywhere. Isn't it cannibalistic? Yeah.
A coyote eating a dog? Well, they're the same species. It's like me eating a monkey. We ate monkey last week. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it was delicious. It was a really good monkey. A spider monkey. It was so good. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're fun to catch. They are, dude. They're the last one. You gotta climb the tree, right? They make that noise. You know what I mean? And they hate it. But my point is, is, dude, I just saw a video. Did you ever see, did I send you this? Oh my God. I saw a video of a man eating a monkey. It was terrifying. Pull it up.
On TikTok, I saw like a man cooking a turtle. I've said it once, I'll say it again. What do you mean? It's the greatest app ever created. Yeah, yeah. You can see a man eating a turtle. I got it. I got it. I got the monkey one. Want to see it? We'll send it to Carlos so he can play it for us. All right. So send this to... In the meantime, Jules. Yeah. What's going on? Take a bite of that pizza. I know that's so good, isn't it? So good. It's one of my favorite. Is this your favorite? The naughty pie? Naughty pie is my favorite. By far. It's not even close. It's the best. It's not even close.
They're contending with someone. Here we go, here we go, here we go. Oh, no. Whoa, dude. Snacking on some monk. Yeah. The spine. That's where the meat is, the spine. It's insane, dude. As he's eating him, he's like, I miss you, George.
- That was Curious George. - Curious George. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - There he was. - He got too curious, George. - I wanna add, my aunt in the Philippines, she had a dog and then the dog escaped. - Went missing? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and then there was like, after a week there was a party, like her birthday party or something. - Stop, stop.
- I love it. - I think I know where this is going. - Can we guess or no? - Yeah. - All right, so dog's missing. - Yeah. - Now there's a party.
Okay. What kind of party? Is it a birthday party? I think it was hers. I don't remember, but there was a party. There was a party. Yeah. And people were just, party. Right? Oh, boy. I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Oh, did you get Jollibee? Who got Jollibee? Anybody? No. Nobody got Jollibee. Oh, fuck. And then what happens? And then her father-
said like, "Oh, try this." - Oh, okay. What's his name, the father? - I don't, I-- - When someone says, "Try this." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - "Try this." - In the middle of the party, he has to yell it because there's a lot of party. - Everyone. - Try this! - Try this! - Yeah, yeah. Music stops, DJ stops, right?
And then they look at the dad and do they go, what is it? Yeah. She asked like, what is it? And then he just said, chicken. It's just chicken. Just chicken. Just chicken. Out of nowhere. Chicken? Yeah. Just out of the blue chicken. So she ate it. Where'd you get the chicken? I,
I don't know, but she ate it and she said, oh, it's really good. Okay. And then? And then the father laughed and said, oh, it's your dog. Oh, my God. Which is the oldest prank in the book. It's the oldest trick in the book. It's the oldest prank in the book. It's really a fun. It's a fun prank. People think it tastes like a cross between beef and mutton. Very. Wow. Terrible. Would you be mad?
If you ate my fucking dog. But in that context. Oh, if someone fed me my dog? You're having a party. Yeah. Right? I come in. Yeah. Hey, eat this. Right? And it's my dog? And then you ask me. Yeah. What is this? Chicken. Oh. It's fucking chicken, dude. It's dark. Eat it now. I'm delicious. Yeah, yeah. And I go, ha, ha, ha. Me and Carl, Carl, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. You're off.
You're obviously there. You have to help. Who else helped do it? Yeah, yeah. Blood on my shirt. Yeah, would you help? No, McCone wouldn't help. Well, what did you do? Did you crock pot it? Did you put it in the oven? I want to know how you made it. We boiled it. You boiled it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Terrible. Terrible. Yeah, and then you ate it, and then I go, it's your dog. Tell me the consequences now. I'll tell you the direct steps of action.
I walk in the kitchen, grab a knife, thing. And I stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. I stab you to death. And then I serve you at your own funeral. Oh, a wall, dude. That's really. Pretty good. Yeah, that's, you know, it was a prank, dude. A little too far. It was a prank. See, some people can't take pranks. That's right. You know, it's like, you know that sometimes, you know that tree prank where people are like a tree?
Or a bush. And they scare people. And people walk by. And people, their general reaction is, ha, ha, ha, you got me, right? But sometimes you'll see a guy kick him. Yeah. Right? And like, oh, you can't take it. That's you. Kick the tree guy? Yeah, you're the kick the tree guy. There's one clip on the internet that tree guy jumps out at a handicapped girl and he feels terrible. I love it. He scares her. She starts crying. Let's see it. It's awful. I love it. This is awful. This is on TikTok.
Did I scare you? What an asshole. See? Now this is why guys like me kick the Bushman. Because you do that to a handicapped girl and you ruin her day. How do you feel now, pal? How do you feel now, pal? He wants to watch it again. Can we play to the end now? Where's the feeling bad part? Does he come out? Is she okay?
No, she's not okay. I tried to scare you, man. Is she okay? Is she all right? Sorry about that. No problem. That's just going to ruin that guy's day. Can I throw something out there? I don't know if it's not that popular. Something. A popular idea, but... Forget it. Go ahead.
I just... No, go ahead. I don't want to give it a... Let's give it a go. Yeah, yeah. It's a process of elimination. You think this is Darwinism? I just, you know, survival. I don't know. Survival of the take the joke is the best? Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah. If you can't take a prank, you don't deserve to live. That's not what I was saying. Prank or die. That's not what I was saying. Welcome back to Prank or Die. Prank or die.
Yeah. Anyway, wow. That's incredible. I don't like the Bushman prank. You know what I do like, though? Yeah. Even as a golfer, I like the guys that go to the public course and they honk at their air horns while the guys are on the tee box. They get so mad. I think it's so funny and they freak the fuck out. These guys, and they'll do this in LA, they go to these golf courses and they hide behind a wall of trees and then as soon as the guys are swinging, watch this.
I've always wanted one of those outfits. Me too. Can you get me one of those guys? The real flagrant ones, the guys will be standing there. They'll just stand. Would that bother you? It would shock me the first time. Then I would realize someone's obviously fucking with me. Would it bother you? A little bit.
I don't think a little. No, but then I would know it's a prank and you'd get over it at some point. No, that's the top one. They do it the whole time though? The first one's gotta be it. The whole game. Oh yeah, drive me nuts. Well, they're not there the whole time. Uh-oh. By the way, the Asian, the guy that picked us up today, the driver that picked us up from the airport. Yeah. Dude, this is why I love Asians. I love Asians. Okay, good. This is, seriously, you know. You're my favorite people on earth.
he's an Uber driver, he was in the non-Uber lane. He was in the lane he's not supposed to pick people up in. Cop comes over, starts yelling at him, pretends he doesn't speak English. He was like, "I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I
- It's the best. - Genius. - It's the best. - 'Cause otherwise, if the guy says anything, he's racist. - Yeah. - You being racist to the guy, he's just an Uber driver, doesn't speak English.
- Perfect. - I wish I could still do that. - You can, you can get away with it. - I can't 'cause sometimes people know who I am. So you never know. - I guess that's true. - But back in the day, you could do it all the time. - All the time. - Like during fucking Virginia Tech. What do you think I did? - Me no. - Yeah, Korean, I Chinese. Right? You could do that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Not anymore, you're too famous. You're too famous.
Yeah, I get asked about, people ask about you so much now. It's like- They love you, dude. Really pissing me off. I was telling you that yesterday, dude. They love you. That's nice. It is nice. It is nice, isn't it? Yeah. Eat your pizza. I want to know what's going on in your world for real, though. Take a bite. No, take a bite. What is this? I saw her. This is fantastic. Okay. This is fantastic. I, too, love Chinese food. Mm-hmm.
- I too love Chinese food. - I know you do. I know you too. - You know they got- - I too. - I too love Chinese food. - Love Chinese food. - Yeah. But you know in five years where she's gonna be. - Where? - It's a fetish. Yeah. In five years dude, she can be living in fucking Thailand, dude. - Really? - She have long fingernail all painted fucking pink, hot pink. - Wow. - Right? She's gonna have a weird surgery. - She is? - She is? - Yeah, yeah. - You think this girl, that's the path she's taking? - Yeah, yeah. - I get it. - She's gonna have a boyfriend that has a moped for sure.
Get down. Beep, beep. Beep, beep, right? And this is a- This is a fetish. Intro to fetish. It's also a dark path she's leading. Really? We have to stop it now. We have to cut this off? No. I think you gotta let her run. Oh, you do? Yeah. Why? Well, you like white girls. Why can't other- That is true. Why can't Chinese guys have white girls? That's-
So you're blocking Chinese from getting white girls? Yeah. You only like it... If it was, I like Korean food, that'd be better. That song doesn't exist. It doesn't, yeah. Alice in Gold. Alice in Gold. It's a deep... Okay. It's from a long time ago. Billboard Hot 100 singles. What the fuck? Wow. It entered the Billboard Hot 100 singles, dude. Click on her profile. Where is she now? Yeah, where is she now? I bet you she's in Thailand. She released another single. It did not chart...
It was just the alphabet, a portion of it. God. She does know that someone already captivated that market, you know? Yeah. A, B, C, D, E, F, G. The guy that wrote that, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, H, A, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, G, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z, billionaire. Really? Billionaire.
I don't even know if I know the song anymore. A, B, C, D, E, F. There's another TikTok song about A, B, C, D, F, G, too. What is it? A, B, C, D, E, F, U, and your mom and your sister. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, dude. I don't like that kind of stuff. I don't like that. It's too aggressive. I don't like that kind of stuff. Yeah. F, U, and your mom and your sister? Yeah. What about your brother and your dad? I think she also says that. Yeah, she got to get the whole family. Okay, what's that?
That I don't like. It's the video. That's the music video. For what? For ABCD. Hey. Oh, yeah. You were wrong about the fetish. Oh, yeah. See, it's...
What? I wasn't wrong. It went darker than I thought. Yeah. Now I know what happened. Right. It was like Asians were her like, you know, cigarette. Right. Right. Intro. Right. She's like 14, you know, yeah, I like Chinese food. Right. And that's at 16. Right. She's wearing a sombrero. Autoblow, AI Ultra. Y'all.
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It's incredible. It's impossible to like Asians that much. No, I mean, that's not true to say that. It's impossible to love Asians that much. It's not a truth. It's the most insane thing I've ever heard. Of course. You're kidding.
No, what do you mean? Is it bad to fetishize? Like, they have an Asian fetish, but once they meet up and get together, they actually love the person. Of course. Well, fetish. They just also just like the Asian side. But when you say fetish, I think he's saying when you fetishize something, it's almost like you. That doesn't make any sense to me. You don't respect it. Unless you only like peanuts.
- Is that right analogy? - Zoom in. - And you're eating peanuts. - It's a desire with gratification strongly linked to a particular object, activity, or part of the body other than the sexual organs. So you're fetishizing something. - Yeah, but without the race or whatever that is. - You wouldn't like it. - You wouldn't like them. - Right. - So you like the thing. - That has to be a part of it. - Do you have any fetishes?
Is there a white fetish? Well, I mean, numbers don't lie. You know what I mean? We're doing pretty good. Oh, the girl that you met yesterday, would you think she was white? No, but I'm just saying. What was she last night? Yesterday.
- Mexican? - Exactly, thank you. - I'm just saying. - But yes, there's a white fetish. For minorities to like whites, there's of course a white fetish. There's minority women that have fetishes for white guys. - There's a girl that I'm seeing now that her previous last four boyfriends, she's white, have been Asian-y. - Yeah. - Either half or full, right? - This goes both ways on all sides. - Okay. - Everyone has a, if that's your flavor, the Kardashians, they only date black guys, except for the one. - Which one?
I don't know the name. There's one girl that doesn't play the black guy. She's married to the guy, the white guy on the show. Courtney? Yeah. Oh, Travis Barker. I mean, he painted himself enough. Oh my God. What are you trying to say? I got it. He has so much tattoos that he's trying to be black. Or he's not white anymore. Completely white. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, look at that. That is legit. Yeah. That's all of them.
That's all of them. You think that's sexy? Yeah. Wow.
You're full. You ever go to a tattoo artist, he goes, you're full. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're done. The tattoos on the head thing is mind-blowing to me. That would hurt so much. Well, you never had a tattoo, right? No, but I just- It doesn't hurt. The head tattoo's gotta hurt. I don't know. People go, it doesn't- Have you had a tattoo? No. It doesn't really hurt that much. The head's gotta hurt. Look at this, the temple- The eyeballs, maybe, but not the head, right? This temple is so sensitive. Oh, maybe. Maybe you're right. I mean, I don't want it. I'm not gonna do it. I just can't- I can't imagine-
The most sensitive areas are your neck, your vagina, your butthole, the back of your, in front of your knees and your feet. Yeah. That's why when you see those, is it- The tongue. The Maori, is it the Maori people that get the- Oh. All right. That is, that is, must be so painful right here. Yeah. Because it goes from your lip to your neckline. Do people get them on their gums?
People get them in their mouth all the time. On the gums. They say it doesn't hurt. In here? Yeah, it doesn't hurt. You don't have any tattoos. Oh, wow, look at that. That looks cool, dude. You have a what? The black? The one that has the tattoo. That looks like you.
Why? Because I have gingivitis? What are you talking about, dude? What's wrong with you today? I already told you I have some bad things happening and then you're just attacking me like that. He's not attacking you.
You do have gingivitis. Does it look like I have black gums? No. Honestly. No, they're like brown. Yeah, but is that bad? They're not black. They're Mexican. I know, but have you looked at... I'm not being paranoid. Your teeth look totally normal to me. Yeah, so you never... Because you never said anything like, hey, dude, you should get that... Let me see. Smile. You have great teeth. Yeah, but what the fuck are you saying then? He's just egging you on. A joke about that. I'm sorry. Okay. Do you ever go to the dentist? No.
- No. - Yes, the guy from Glendale, whatever. You've seen that guy, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, I like him. - How often? - It's been like eight years, but yeah. - Oh, there's a tooth hanging out right now. Put it back in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Be honest with me. - Yeah. - Have you flossed ever? - I flossed lately, yes. Now I get it. - Every day? - I've been trying to, yeah. - How many days a week, really? - Because of the beef, well. - What? - So in Hawaii, they had that dried beef jerky.
- You have like crispy beef jerky chips. - I love that. - Right? - Yeah. - But for some reason they get lodged in between my teeth and they stay in there for like three days. - No, no, no, no, buddy, you gotta floss it out. - I know, but so one had been, and I was with somebody and she was like, it smells like that beef jerky. I haven't had beef jerky in three days. - You're like, I know, isn't it good? - Yeah, yeah. And then I realized there was like in between my teeth, beef jerky, so I flossed them out. - That happens. That's not embarrassing. That happens all the time. Beef jerky in the teeth? That happens to all of us.
All the time. Yeah. Okay? Yeah, yeah. You're not alone on this island. Yeah. Yeah. You feel better? I guess you're right. Thank you. Yeah, I just, you know, you attack me with that. Who, me? No, he's attacking the shit out of you today. What's your deal? Why are you so uppity and throwing darts at people? I don't know. I just feel good. You feel good?
Is that what it is when you feel good you like to attack huh yeah, yeah, it's so fun It's never him though. Have you noticed that and I'm not complaining I'm grateful to be here, but I'm just saying I love the show and I love you guys But it just I just kind of I look at and I go why him why not him I mean talk shit about me Yeah, but he never not on the show though Yeah, I'm not around yeah, go hey Andrew your skin's too pink go ahead cuz he did what Andrew scarier than you Thank you
- Oh, that's right. So if everyone, let's get into that. If people don't know about the show, what do you do with your face? - I'm just waiting to hear what you have to say. - Right, so the power dynamics of the show is what? - Here we go. - Here we go. So the power of the dynamics of the show is Andrew is, let's suppose that this is a kingdom, right? That he would be the, you know, - The king? - The false king. Right?
He's like the false king. He's the king, but not like blood. He's not royal blood. That's a redhead thing? No, it's not a redhead attack. Like I'm not born pure? Like I'm a mutt? Well, the blood's not pure, no. Okay. Yeah. And that's not... You're the king. I just gave you the props. And what are you? That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm the king. Okay. I have pure blood, dude. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I let you...
you know what I mean, sit on the throne, right? I let him sit on the throne and I'm like kind of like, you know who I am? - Louis the 15th. - No, Aragorn. - I don't know who that is. - From Lord of the Rings. He's supposed to be the king, right? Strider. I'm supposed to be king, but I'm out, you know what I mean, defending. - You do have a lot of similarities to kings. Bloated, gout ridden. - Yeah, yeah. But here's the, there we go, okay. - Look up fattest king. Yeah, there you are.
Beep bop boop. And he's in yellow, ironically. There you are. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Henry VIII, right? He was a glutton. Wasn't Henry VIII like the fattest fucking king of all time? That's him. Look at the size of this moose. Yeah. Half Asian. So anyway, let's be real. You're the king. No. You're the real king. No, here's the power dynamic for the show, okay? Is you are the boss. Mm-hmm. Okay.
So I know it's a 50-50 enterprise, but I let you, I don't let you, you make most of the decisions. Am I not right? Let's be honest. Well, someone has to get up and do it. Exactly. And I let you do it. No, no, no. I have to do it. You have to do it. If I don't do it, it doesn't happen. But I also go do it. No, you never have told me that. Yeah, I go.
Get it. No, you're too lazy to do it. That's not it. That is 100% true. No, I'm a guy that goes, you know what I mean? I understand, but I'm going to let him make the decisions. That's not true. You don't have the knowledge of the wherewithal. In fact, you don't even communicate with your fucking assistant of your own schedule. How could you make decisions if you don't even know how to schedule your own life? I purposely do that so I give you the fucking- No, you do that because you're fucking lazy.
I'm not here. Dude, bro. You started this. I'm not. No. You fucking started all this. Fuck off. Dude, I'm not. Dude. Did I start this? I'm not. You fucking started it. I'm not starting anything. I'm just telling you what the power dynamics of the show. I'm letting the people know how the show is run. They know. They know. They all fucking know. Okay. I don't know. Do you think they think? That's what I don't know and I want to know. You think they think the slept king is the organizer?
They know not. Okay. They know not to know. They know not to know. Yeah, okay. They know that you are a beautiful entity that needs its beauty rest. Right. And I like to organize. Right. So you're the organizer, right? It is a 50-50 enterprise. 100%. What are you laughing at? On camera. Oh, what are you saying? Off camera, it's not. Off camera, you don't organize any of this bullshit. No, but it's a 50-50 enterprise.
Talent wise. Yes. Talent wise. Yeah, you're my brother. Right, right. Well, and also- Okay, 45, 45, 10.
Right. She's very talented. She's an important part of the show. And these three guys take him or leave him. And then these guys act as buffoons. Puppets. No, these guys act as a very integral part of the organization. We need them. We need them very much. So in terms of my relationship with them, they're pretty much, aside from Andreas, these two are more handlers for me. You're the wacky uncle.
Who comes into town. So this is what pissed me off today. I'm going to just get into it. Let's get into it. I'll show it. I'll show it right here, dog. So shoot moved to 730 tonight, he says. But then I emphasized it two hours later because he didn't respond. With exclamation marks, which made me mad. Yeah, you know you can't do that. You can't do that. That doesn't make sense. Because then I said to you that he already gave me the information. I don't act that. I'm in direct contact with him 24-7. What about David Spade?
I slept through that. I made a mistake, but that has nothing to do with me not knowing. I would get in trouble for that. That's what I'm saying. So I wanted to be on top of it. Andrew would get mad at me if you were here at a weird time. Okay. I don't know why you brought up Spade. That was a bad move. It was evidence. Why? It was evidence. Because why are you poking the bear? You're poking the bear, dude. Because he was really- Is he? He was 40- Should I get mad? Should I get mad? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're poking the bear, dude. Why'd you bring that up? Bro, what did you do before the shoot?
What shoot? You peed on this one we're on right now. I can't believe. Bro. Bro. Bro. I can't believe that you are. You're soaked with lies. Dude, you're the lying fucking gesture. In this kingdom, you're the lying gesture, dude. And you do some people. You're guillotined in. Bro. In the medieval times, you'd be the guilty. What are you trying to accuse me of? Peeing on the court jesters coach. Okay.
Say what you're claiming. Yeah, what are you claiming? He peed on my Mercedes that he bought me, basically. He peed on your car? That I bought. Do you have any proof of this? I took a video of Andres looking at a puddle. Then we can go lick it and see if it tastes like pee. Send McCone out there to lick it. McCone, go lick. No.
Wait a minute. You're claiming that Bobby urinated on your vehicle. Yeah, and like where you would pump the gas too, so I have to touch that area now. Bob, did you pee on his car? You saw me here, right? I didn't see you pee on his car. I know, but did you see? Yeah, so you had your eyes on me the whole time. I've seen you the whole time. Right. Did I pee on his car? You smoked a cigarette. I didn't see it. I didn't see that. And the case is closed. Case is closed. And that, I apologize. I just feel like the stuff in this kingdom is so corrupt. No, apologize, dude.
For being soaked in lies. I'm a Menendez brother now, dude. I want to watch it. I haven't seen the documentary. I'm going to do it tonight. I can't wait to see it. I'm going to watch it tonight, but apologize, please. Interesting. No, dude, I can't. You peed on my car. I didn't pee on your car, dude. You know what? That's fucking insane. I didn't pee on your car. You're telling everyone I peed on your car. I did not pee on your car. That's illegal, too. It's public indecency or whatever. That's insane. Apologize.
Apologize. You peed on your car. Apologize. I'm sorry, sir. Okay, I peed on your car. I peed on your car, dude. I peed on your car. That was a good liar. Yeah, yeah. Hey, what? What were you going to say? I was just going to say that Tito Bobby has a tendency to do that because he even pees on a cup
In his room. Yes, he will pee in a cup in his room. Okay, what? Sometimes. No, what are you saying? Well. That's next level. I don't pee in the cup in my room. That's crazy. Okay, when in the garage in your gaming room where I have to clean. Okay, back then I did. You're saying the past. A couple years ago. Yeah, yeah. Because it was so far down and I'm playing. Listen, when you're playing Warzone.
with your fire team. - You can't walk away. - Right? And I'm like, and I had to pee real bad. I'm like, hold up, right? And I'm like, I'll crouch down and then I'll, you know, pee in a cup. I'm here, I'm still here, right? And then I'll pee and then I'll go, I'll do this later. - What kind of cup?
Like a coffee cup? No, sometimes a coffee cup, but sometimes also like an empty bottle of water, like plastic. Wow, you can get it in there? Yeah. You have a thin dick, dude. I have a thin dick, right? That's rude. I've seen it, it's great. What you're doing is rude. I didn't. I'm sorry. He did pee on your car, it was very funny. We were laughing so hard. As a joke, I go where the laugh is.
He goes right for the laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I apologize. Also, then be honest on your side. If we're going to be honest over here that he peed on your car, he did not pee on, he peed on your tire.
Yeah. He peed on your wheel. No. Am I wrong? I think you are, actually. Where did he pee? Just above the tire and it hit the body of the car. I wanted to get the whole tire. Only half a tire, dude. If you don't, if you don't, he's right though. You gotta start with the top. Well, cause angle wise it has to go. I see. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could have opened the door and peed inside.
That would have been bad. That would have been bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're welcome then. Thank you. It was unlocked. Yeah. He could have crossed the line there. Yeah, I'm sorry. Where's the weirdest place you've peed? In a mouth. What's the strangest? In a mouth? You have peed in someone's mouth. What? Have you peed on somebody? Yeah. You've done that? Yeah. And they said, please pee on me. They were like into it. I know where I peed and I can't say, I'm going to get in trouble for this. Please. Please. Please. Please.
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right on the side of the stage. No way. No way. Yeah, because have you been there? Yeah. So you have to walk to the backstage. There's no bathroom back there. The only way to go to the bathroom is the front of the fucking venue. And you had to pee so bad. So I'm back there and they're about to bring me up and I'm like, oh fuck, I gotta pee. And I just peed on the wall. Wow. Yeah, yeah. A lot?
As much as I peed on his car. That's a lot. That was a lot. It was a huge puddle. In my mind, I was like, while I was on stage, I was like, I'm going to clean it when I get off. I was going to spray it down. With what? There's a hose nearby? No, like a bottle of water or whatever. Just to wash it away? Yeah, wash it away. I completely forgot. Well, you know now. Sorry. Yeah, but I love that club. Please, I'm going to work it again. I'll never do that again. Okay. Okay. Where's the weirdest place you've peed?
I'm a girl I can't just be anywhere I wish I had a dick No you don't wish you had a dick Or like a dick Yeah a dick tube A piss tube you guys should have a piss tube They make those
- Well, that's cool. - That's cool. - You gotta get one of those. - Yeah. - A mask. - That is very cool. - That's pretty cool. - You can pee anywhere. - Yeah. I was on a radio station once and my ass crack was so exposed on their white couch that it left a brown streak, right? And so then the next time I was at the radio station, they got a new couch, but they cut out the streak and they framed the fucking. - That's really cool. - It was really in my honor. - Would you ever get a piercing on your balls?
That would be cool to do. On my balls? Yeah. People pierce their nuts all the time. No, no, no. The Prince Albert goes through your wiener, but the other one just goes through your balls. Scrotum piercing.
That'd be tight. A little dumbbell right there. Or just a little nose ring, but on your balls. There's like a porn guy that I remember that has... Wait, go back to that other one. There's a porn guy that has... In a weird way, that could be like Dune Part 3's fucking poster. In a weird way, right? Dune 3, you know what I mean? Well, that'd be Dune 2. Oh, look at those hills. That's Dune 2. Two rings. Wow, look at that.
Okay. This is a thing that, oh my God. No thanks. Yeah, pass. I pass on that.
You know what we should do? We should get your tongue pierced, Bob. No, I'm not. Please. I'm not getting piercings through that. That's a stupid thing. How about your nose? I don't want to do any of that. Your septum, you'll never see. Yeah, I'm not in. Ear. Ear. I've had it pierced. Oh. When did you have your ear pierced? Right here, this one. You can even feel the- Cartilage? Right here. I never knew you with an ear piercing. What? You never wore an earring when I met you. No, I did it when I was 17. That's rad, huh? Yeah, I had a little pierced. Bad boy? Yeah, yeah. Was it both pierced or just one? Yeah.
What? Both or just one? Just one. Yeah. Yeah. Left side. And then my dad was like, just so mad about it. What? We were eating Bebop and he looks at me and he go, oh, you're gay. Like, I'm not gay. No, you're gay. He kept saying that. He's right. Yeah. Why was it that your left side was not gay? Your right side was gay when we were a kid? Why was that a whole thing? Both was fine. Left was fine. Right was gay. Who started that? That's something that she doesn't know about.
- Yeah, when we were kids, if you had one in your right ear only, it was gay. If you had one in your left, it was straight. But if you had both, it was totally fine. Oh, it's called the gay ear myth? Signaling. - Signaling, oh. - Rich history of jewelry being shown off to show wealth, nobility, or status, but then it was used to show off sexual preference. - That's cool. - So this was like a code. It was like tipping. - I see, yeah. - Interesting. - The effects of the gay ear?
- It became common for men to secretly communicate their sexuality by wearing an earring in their right ear. By the 90s, it had become so widely accepted as a secret code that it was article about in the New York Times. After that, there weren't many questions about which ear was the gay ear, left or left for straight men, right for gay men. Interesting. But you know who can pull it off without sexual orientation ties? - Who? - Black dudes. There'd be black dudes when we were young that would have a right earring in and no one would say anything. - Yeah. Dude, I just got a fucking text that made me so mad. - What is it? - I left $3,000 in my hotel.
Cash? Yeah. Why did you have $3,000 cash in your hotel? Loves cash. I love cash. What would you need three grand for? Well, because sometimes my cards don't work. Well, how much are you eating? A lot. Well, like, you're not going out drinking. You're not going out gambling. Yeah. Like, what do you need that much cash for? There's no chance you're spending three grand on dinner. It's safety. Safety.
I feel safe. Well, you should feel unsafe because you just lost it. Well, no, I left it in the safe. I left it in the safe. That makes me feel safe. How did they know? Did somebody open the safe and find it? No, I left the hotel, came back to LA, and I go, fuck, I left $3,000 in the safe. They're never going to give it back to you. So then we went out to them and goes, here's this code. There's some money in there. And they're like, well, we'll just put it back into his credit card. Can they do that?
I think maybe. I mean, that seems strange. Could they do that? Can they do that? Probably. It seems shady. But it's the Ritz.
Oh, they'll do it for you. They'll do it, right? They'll do it for you. Yeah, they're a high-end. A five-star hotel would do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any other stars, you're not getting that much. So I should do that? I think that's fine. Or they say, we'll send you a check, but I'll just put it back into the thing then. Put it back into the thing? Yeah, okay, good, good, good. Put it back into the thing? Yeah. Here's another thing, and this is a dangerous path that I want to just show you because I don't know what else to talk about. Take me down that road. This is what I've been doing all day. I'm pretty sure. Send the photo to Carlos. I'll send it to Carlos. Jules, what's been going on with you though?
Is there any new news to share? I think I have narcolepsy. Really? Really? Yeah. Tell me about the narcolepsy. Well, my aunt, she also has narcolepsy and she gave me a medicine for it.
And then she just said to try this. Cause I always, cause I'm always so tired. I feel so heavy in the morning. I just like, my brain is just always so empty. Have you ever fallen asleep while driving? No, but I can sleep anywhere immediately. Like right now you could go to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. She has a sleep thing for sure. So do you. No, but she can sleep at like right now. So can you. That's right. What is this thing? Guess. Guess.
I mean, is it a mold of your penis? Are you molding your penis? No, no, no. I'm not molding your penis. No. Huh? This is what I've been making. What have you been making? It's kava, dude. You're making kava? Yeah, dude. What the fuck are you talking about? Kava, dude. What kava? The root. What are you doing? Are you making drugs? Is this new drugs? It's not a drug, no. Is it new drugs I don't know about? It's not a drug. I'll tell you what happened. So I'm in Hawaii, okay?
And I'm with Gene. You're my buddy Gene? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And we're at The Cove. The Cove. Yeah. The best acai bowls, don't you think? In Hawaii. Okay. Okay. So, you know, we're regulars there. So, you know, they came up to us and said, here's some of this. And it's a glass of like muddy water. Uh-huh. That. Cava. Yeah. And I drank it. And we were both like, you're not high, but we were just like.
It's supposed to, it's a calming agent. The calming agent. Wow. And so I got some kava and I brewed some at home. So it's a root, it's a kava root. It's a root, yeah. And you break it down and- You don't get high. Did you strain that in- You're supposed to strain it, but I didn't have-
A cloth strainer? Cheesecloth. Yeah. It's called a cheesecloth. Yeah. So I used a t-shirt. I thought it's the same kind of theory. Drinking kava during recovery, is it a relapse? Is it? No. It's not? Nope. It can affect the brain similarly to alcohol and narcotics, but...
- It could be helpful tool in managing cravings. - Right. - Yeah. - Alternative to consuming alcohol or illicit drugs, it's a healthy alternative. - So I drank some last night before I went to bed and I slept for like 14 hours. - Give me some of your kava. - Dude, kava is the best. - Do Bobby Kava. - Yeah. - I'm Bobby Kava. - Yeah, I'll give you the powder, you can make it at home. - Got it. - Yeah, yeah. - I can make it myself. You don't have to go buy kava root somewhere. - No, I have the powder. - Do you order it off Amazon or something? - No, I got it at the Cove.
Oh, you brought it back. Yeah, yeah, I brought it back with me. Did you clarify that when you got to the border? Oh, yeah. You didn't declare it, did you? Well, now you've outed yourself. Oh, yeah, arrest me for kava powder. But can you buy some kava powder here online? Yeah. It's totally legal, right? Totally legal. Yeah, yeah.
But it really helped me with my sleep. - I took mushrooms the other night. That helped me with my sleep. - Whoa. - It was great. I hadn't taken mushrooms in a long time. - Like a lot? - Nah, just a little bit. We had just a little something something. It really jazzed me up. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - Do you perform with it? - No, no, no. We were in the woods. - Oh. - Oh. Why is it when you're super drunk you call me?
Because I love you. But it's weird. I love you. And then whenever you call, you're with friends, you always go, hey, my little Chinese guy. I didn't say that. Something like that, yeah. Hey, little man, little man. You know what I mean? No, I said- And you guys all laugh, right? What's up? This is not true. See, now you're lying to the audience. No, what do you do though? I call you- But you say little things. First of all, when I called you-
I don't call you all the time like that because I don't like to call you when I'm drunk. You call me on stage too. I love calling you on stage. Yeah, yeah. But I called you because I was with friends and we were talking about you and my friends were saying how much they love you and I was like, well, I want to call them. Yeah, okay. Yeah, because- I always call you back. You always. Yeah, yeah. Well, you answered that time and then I was in fear for my life for a second of it. Why? I was tripping a little bit. Oh, you were high too? You were seeing things? Were you seeing things? Not seeing things. I was just feeling the wave. Oh. When you're out, just sort of like-
playing around, it takes you away from what is really important, I think. - What's really important? - The quiet times. Like sitting there with a girl, looking in her eyes, right? And sometimes you might be attached heads in bed, right? And you can make little nicknames. Hey, Mongo. You know what I mean? You kind of hit your head against hers. - Mongo. - Yeah, Mongo. - Mongo, Mongo. - Hey, Mongo, right? There you go.
- What? - So aggressive. - Too much? - Yeah. - It's a love tap. - It's a love tap. You go, "Hey, Mongo." Like that, right? And they're like, "Ow," right? - Shh, Mongo. - Hey, go, "Shh." - Mongo, quiet. - Yeah, Mongo, quiet, right? - Quiet Mongo. - Yeah.
Get me. No, seriously. I love you. You have to say that. You have to say it. I love you. I love being with you. Head bump. Right? Make me a sandwich. Can you please make me a sandwich? You miss the quiet time. Yeah, I like those times. Right? And then- Let's get you back. Or when you're watching something with somebody, you're watching it. Like a sunset. Yeah. You miss those. I miss it.
Let's put it out to the world. You're ready. So I was watching The Penguin last night by myself. Yeah. I know you haven't seen it. I haven't. But I was going, what an interesting character. The Penguin? Yeah. And I also thought to myself, why isn't there more? More? More?
Why doesn't Batman have more enemies? Well, the Joker was big. It's just not enough because they're recycling. They're recycling through the fucking, on all the movies. I think the next one, I think the Scarecrow is back for the next one, right? Well, look at how many. The Joker, Hugo Strange, Penguin, Scarecrow, Clayface, Mr. Freeze, Man Bat, Bane, Killer Croc, Two-Face, Deadshot, Poison Ivy. This is a lot of fucking enemies. I know, but you, no, but here, let me, I have a...
Can I say something? Yeah, that's 30 guys. I know. I understand that. But you can't use the Killer Croc. Okay. How about this then? Because you can't, you know, because all the Batman movies now are based in reality, right? So it's like, you know, the Riddler was just a serial killer. Okay, but Catwoman made it through and that's a... But they recycled them. Okay, but Catwoman... Get some new ones that are human-based. That's so many. What? You know what I mean? Like their calligraphy. Ra's al Ghul. Oh, Ra's al Ghul. But they're going to use... Yeah, we already did that.
Okay. We gotta find other ones like, you know, I don't know, calligraphy is not a good enemy name. Black Mask. What? Black Mask. Oh, yeah, Black Mask. Yeah, but he's not... Woke enough. What? What did you say? It's not woke enough. It's gotta be woke. Oh, it's gotta be, yeah, White Mask. Well, what if Black Mask transitioned? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hush. What if they transitioned? What if they, sorry, I apologize. Yeah. Man Bat.
Yeah, you can't do that, guy. The Philippines. Yeah, yeah. That's just a Filipina with wings. I come to kill you, Batman. You gonna go down, Batman? Batman, you die, Batman. But why do they always recycle them? Because nobody, look, people are afraid of new property.
They want the old stuff. Give them the old shit. They want the stuff they've seen before. They want the stuff that's familiar with them. - I guess you're right. - But we all like the flavor that we know. - Yeah. - You know? - Yeah. Like how would you do Poison Ivy in this more realism Batman?
- It's the same way they did Catwoman. - She uses plants to like poison people. - She has to be a, what's it, botanist? - A botanist. - A botanist. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, she's a botanist and she literally gives people poison ivy. - Yeah, okay. - You scratch yourself to death. - Yeah. - Good luck with that without lidocaine. - Yeah. I've been scrolling a lot. Here's ones I don't understand. Why do I always get the fucking eggs?
- Huh? - What? - Yeah, the mother smashing the egg on a baby's face. - That was like fucking a year ago. - I still get that though. - Jesus. - You're behind. - You're behind. - Yeah, yeah, so I get that a lot. Or I get like riddles. I get a lot of riddles. Can I show you a riddle? - Give me a riddle. - All right, here we go. Okay. - Riddle me, say, you have to say riddle me this. - Why? - Because. - Riddle me this. - There. - Riddle me this. There's two fathers and two sons.
Okay. Chinese Riddler. Riddler me this. There's two fathers and two sons. That'd be really hard for him. Riddler me this. Riddler me this. There's two fathers and two sons in a car, but there's only three people. How? I feel like Andrew can answer this. You know that one? Yeah. There's two fathers and two sons. Yeah, but there's only three people in a car, but there's two fathers and two sons. Right. Yeah. It's a grandfather, a dad, and a son. Right.
- Very good. You're so good. - No, it's really easy logic. That's right down the road. - Give me a riddle. I could, I've never solved one. - You've never solved one? - No, no, no. I get confused. Go ahead.
A train is going 30 miles an hour, right? Yeah. And it leaves the station at six o'clock. There's no way, there's numbers? The train is going- Oh, wait, I need visuals. I need a visual. A train- Okay, this is a train, right? There it is. The train leaves the station- This is the station. At six o'clock. Okay. It's going 30 miles an hour. Hold on. No, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm being real. Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, hold on, hold on, hold on. What time?
Six o'clock. I gotta put six o'clock right here. I put six. Okay. Six o'clock. Train leaves the station at six o'clock. We gotta read the six. And it's gonna go 30 miles an hour. Oh, fuck. How do I do 30? In Tucson. 30, 30. There. 30 miles per hour. And Tucson is 40 miles away. Whoa, Tucson? Tucson, Arizona? Tucson. Right here. So, six o'clock. 30 miles per hour. Tucson. Tucson.
40 miles away. 40 miles away. 30, 40. How did the train get there at 630? Wait, wait. It's going 30 miles an hour, right? But it's 40 miles away. How'd it get there at 630? It sped up. Can it speed up? I don't know. I'm going to say this too right now, dude. If this is a fake fucking riddle, dude. Yeah.
I'm gonna be so fucking mad at you dude. - Okay. - It doesn't make any sense. So 30 miles per hour and it's 40, well it gets there because the math is right, he gets there at 6:30. - What's the math? - Well the 40, it'll make it, if you do it. - What is the math? - If you're 30 miles per hour, 30 miles per hour in 30 minutes, you can get there in 30 minutes, 40 miles. So the math is correct. So math's correct. - Okay. - He makes it there. - Sure. - Is that it?
That's the riddle? Of course he makes it there. So I got it? You got it. Oh, good, dude. Is that a real riddle? It's not. You made it up. Yeah, I did. Give me a real one, dude. I'm not filled with riddles. Give me a real riddle. Get me one online. Riddle me this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Riddle me this, dude. All right, here we go. Give me a real riddle. Don't look up at the screen. Okay. You don't look either because you're going to be my problem solver. Kids can make it but can never hold it or- I got to sit next to her.
Yeah, get over there. Hold on. He'll flip the cam. Look at me. Riddle squad. These are, by the way, these are riddles for kids that I'm reading. Okay. These are for kids. All right. All of you should be able to figure it out. All right. Let's go. Let's go. All right. Zoom in. Okay. Okay. What can kids make but can never hold it or see it? What do kids make that they can't hold or see? Fart. Laugh. Ooh.
- Laugh. - Laugh, fart. - You're both right, noise, noise. Okay, so you're one for one for riddles. - Okay, very good. Riddle squad, USA, let's go. - What question can you never answer yes to? - Oh, did you ever kill anybody? - No, you could easily answer yes to that. - You could know if I didn't though. - Yeah, but it's possible. - It's not possible, I will never do it. - What question could you never answer yes to? It would be impossible to even say yes. - Are you dead?
That's pretty close. Are you asleep yet? Yeah, that's good. Are you dead is even better. Don't look at the fucking- Okay, dude, where are you at? Where the fuck are you at, dude? You're running a race, and at the very end, you pass the person in second place. What place did you- Second, second, second, second. Bitch. Wait, wait. She's right, she's right, she's right, she's right. Wait, I didn't even get it. Ask it. What has 13 hearts, but no other organs? 13 hearts, but no other organs. Artichoke. Artichoke.
Very good. Is it artichoke? It's not. Okay. But that's really good. 13 hearts? 13 hearts, but no other organs. 13 hearts. Can you give a clue? Oh, cards. A deck of cards. Yeah, it's not more than a clue. I just told you what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go. I'm light as a feather, yet the strongest person can't hold me for five minutes. What am I? Breath. Yeah, Bob. That was so fast.
That's really good. I'm fucking a math. You're a math whiz. Don't look at the screen. What has many, many needles, but doesn't ever sew? Hey. It's a pine tree, but that's, we'll take it. What kind of band never plays music?
- Rubber. - A rubber band. - Oh. - Honestly, you suck. - I suck. - You suck. You haven't got one of these. These are for you. These are for you. - Is a rubber band really the thing? - Yeah. A rubber band. - Okay, one more, one more, one more. - What gets bigger? You see it, you suck. - I swear to God I do. - What gets bigger the more you take away? - It has something to do with feelings. - I want it to be, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Like when you take away. - Bigger? - Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know.
Your rage gets bigger when you leave more. You know what I mean? Like a woman leaves and you get bigger. I get it. Rage and your hole in your heart. Wow. So love? You're so close though. Ironically, you're so close. Well, I think it's something like that. You said it. Yeah, yeah. What is it? A hole.
Huh? Oh. But you got there. I got there. Organically. Organically in a weird way. Yeah, yeah. I got there. This is great. Okay, this is dumb. Yeah. I'm trying different things. No, it's really good. Do you guys watch K-drama? Here we go. Do I watch K-drama? Mm-hmm. What is that? Korean shows. Give me K-dramas. Okay, I'm watching this one, Judge from Hell. It's called Judge from Hell. Yeah, so she's basically a judge, but...
That's horror. And a demon went inside her body and her task is to kill 10 murderers who doesn't repent, no regrets about anything that they do. And it's so cool.
Wow. Is it all in Korean? Yeah, but there's subtitles. Yeah, I hate reading. I can't. Yeah, we have that in America. It's called Judge Judy. Judge Judy, yeah. Oh, it's the same thing? Yeah, it's the same thing. You ever seen Judge Judy? No. I'll tell you about Judge Judy. Tell them about Judge Judy. That's not a demon. Yes, it is. That's a demon. That is a demon and it's fine. Look at her hand. Wow.
She curses people. Yeah, she's not lifting her hand. The demon is. So she's also been taken over by a demon. Yeah, yeah. That's demon shit. That's demon shit. Yeah. She's dark. She's dark. Anyway, there's another Korean one. What about the one? Have you seen the North Korean one? What's it called? It's called Fly By Me. What's the lady that crashes the plane?
Crash Landing? Crash Landing. A Korean show about North Korea? No, so this lady, let me get, I haven't seen that, but this lady, right, is on a plane. She crashes in North Korea and then she falls in love with a North Korean soldier. It's not a plane. She was on a parachute.
She jumped out of a plane, right? Oh, so she just jumped from the ground. No, no. She jumped from the ground up as if she's fucking Superman and then she fell down in this career. What happened? It's the one where you use the wind, you run, and then you... Oh, parasailing. Paragliding. Yeah, that one. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Honey? Honey? Yes? Let's go paragliding today. I would love to. But you know where I like to go do it? The DNZ. Yes!
At the DNZ. We'll go to DNZ. Yeah. Because, you know, we love to paraglide on the border. The wind is awful strong. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're going. Oh, no.
Makes no sense. There was a storm. Oh, a storm. Oh, so you're. Oh, really? Yeah. And then she was. She's paragliding on a storm. Lands in North Korea. And then what happens? She meets a North Korean soldier. Yeah, but she has to hide. You've seen there's a hot North Korean. You think there's a hot North Korean fucking soldier standing there? This guy's hot. This guy's hot. But he's South Korean. Yeah. That's the trick. Dude.
He looks like he's been eating. Yeah, he looks healthy. You think North Koreans' children are eating? No. Dude, there's a North Korean...
There's a North Korean Instagram site. And I get it in my feed. What's it called? I don't know. But it's like basically they're making it. So basically it's like this. Who says there's no discotheques in North Korea? And they'll show a discotheque. Oh, it's like the government. Yeah, it's the government. Who says there's no Burger King in Korea? And then it's like, is that it? Who says North Korea doesn't have McDonald's?
Yes, North Korea has an even better version of the American fast food chain. Do you think they build this on a stage? Do you think it's on like a soundstage? But there's people, there's actors sometimes and they get hamburgers and they don't know what to do with it.
So they open it up, they go, what is this? Right. And it's like they, you know, I mean, it's the government. You can tell that there's people going to eat it behind the camera and they get fucking scared. You know, crazy. Go back to that video. They'll click on the profile. Yeah. All those videos. What are you doing, dude? Who said North Korea doesn't have marriage? Nobody said that. No one ever said they don't have marriage there.
But look at how nervous he looks. Yeah, they're all nervous. They're so scared. They're so scared. Look at them. Because they're going to be beaten after this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that camera from 1958. Go to more. Go different. Yeah. Yeah, what's this one? It's a body. It's carrying a man's body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they bought a DHL jacket on Amazon. Yeah. It better be efficient. They'll kill you if it doesn't get there on time. What is it? Yeah.
Who said any of this shit? No one said that. Go to more. Go to more. Go to more. This is insane. There's so many more. Yeah, let's see this general store. Well, yeah, there's a motorcycle inside of it. What the fuck kind of general store is that? Right. That looks like a weed shop. Yeah.
Honey, should we get rice or should we get a motorcycle? Yeah. We'll take two bag of rice and motorcycle, please. Go further. Can you scroll and keep scrolling or no? Or do you have to do that? I think because it's not on the phone. It's not like the phone. Oh, do the roller coaster one. Yeah. Oh, my God. Dude, it just falls off of a cliff on the other side. You know what North Korea don't have?
A cat. A cute cat. Did you know that? We have to build. Yeah. Who said North Korea planes always crash? What? Nobody ever thought there wasn't fucking cars there. Yeah. All right, Rudy, end the show the right way. Thank you for being a bad friend.
