Accidental Boners ft. Stiff Socks 41:22

It's Sophia Franklin. You are listening to Sophia with an F and the F is for phenomenal. This podcast is rated F. Have you guys ever had a boner while you were recording? Not while we were recording? You've been bricked up on a pod? How are we doing today? Because the way you're sitting, that would be crazy. Are you hard right now? No, I'm not. Should we get a metal detector? Why don't you feel it?

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Hi, everyone. Welcome to Sophia with an F. I'm here with Trevor Wallace and Michael Blaustein from Stiff Socks. Hey. Hey. How are you guys? Great. I'm feeling good. Thanks for having us. I feel amazing. Thank you so much for being here. We just had a conversation about is it okay if a guy gets a first class ticket for himself and then puts you in economy? No. I said absolutely not.

It's crazy. - We spent 45 minutes dissecting that. - We really did. - We didn't get to an answer. I mean, I did. I think it's absolutely not okay, but Michael's still on the fence. - I'm on the fence. I made the fence and I'm staying on the fence. I have no idea what's happening. - Dressed up like a flight attendant and then be like, "Babe, I'm working."

That's really not bad either. Or, I mean, to your earlier point, bro, cancel the shows. They don't have to fucking do it anymore. Yeah, cancel the shows or just get a different flight that's at the exact same time. Or just find a Marriott and jump off it. And then I don't have to worry about anything. So what's the perfect scenario? He just flies you first class. But what if the seats aren't next to each other? Perfect scenario is we're both first class and there was never, it was not a headache. Does it matter if the seats aren't next to each other or you don't give a fuck because you're both at the same level? You don't care. Yeah. You don't care at all.

But, okay. I have a bunch of questions for you guys. First of all, you dated Tiana Mongeau and Brooks Gofield? Yeah, we've been on dates, but I never like... Or is that the question? Yes. Yeah, we've been on dates, but we never like... I didn't sleep with either of them. Okay. We just made out. Okay. Pretty cool. Did you do it for clout? No. I thought they were both just cool and funny and yeah. I'm doing something for clout. I'll just run naked down like Sunset Boulevard or something. You watch Pawn Stars and made out? Boring. Boring.

I don't know, man. I kind of like that. What? Pawn Stars and Made Out. I mean, that seems like creative and inventive. Hey, now. Creative to watch Pawn Stars. No, it just seems like it's a funnier story. Because I don't watch a lot of TV, so I like jokingly put on shitty TV like Pawn Stars. And then we like Made Out. So she went on her podcast and was like, we watch Pawn Stars and Made Out. And I was like, not about Thursday. Yeah. See, my humor is just like...

higher brow you know like the beaver joke yes i was yes i still think that's fucking hilarious it's not you guys don't think dad jokes are funny at all no they're not they're they're innately not funny like literally that's why they're called dad jokes because they're not funny i understand like i understand the value of them uh-huh and i understand where i guess the moments you can use them but they're inherently not funny okay okay i disagree you can hear dad joking for real laugh

The beaver one had me. A guy DM'd me, girl, are you a beaver? Cause damn. And I was rolling laughing. Was he hot? He's got to be hot. Of course. No. Miss. You don't know when you're just opening a DM. You have no idea. What did you write back to that? By the way?

I think I was just like, "Haha, that's actually really funny." Now I know better. Now that I'm with the comedy kings, that is not humor. - Do you think he... - I know. - I've never been called a comedy king. I'm into it. That's fucking hot. - Pretty cool. - Yeah. - It's hot. - He's a short king. Sorry. - Not sorry. I'm into it. I need any king I like. - Do you think he copy and pasted that to like every chick? - Yeah. - Like, I don't think he's like, "I'm gonna hit Sophia with this." - That's actually really true.

If someone has too good of a one-liner, you know they deserve. They stole it from a Vice article. You know what scares me is knowing that I've been screenshot and put in girls' group chats. Or there's group chats going on talking about me. That always gets in my head. Why? Because they're dissecting everyone. I have no power control. There's nothing in specific that I can think of. But let's say there's a hookup. And then the next day, there's just conversation about me. It's like,

Are they good? Are they bad? I don't know. You're just like, just knowing group chats are popping off 24 seven around the world. Do you guys not do that? You guys don't screenshot your text with a girl and throw it in the guy's chat. A guy's group chat is seeing like a homie the next day, but yo, how's last night? Oh, it's chill, man. Fuck yeah. That's it. Yeah. I mean, dude, we don't, we text a lot, but I don't think we do like,

- Okay, what if a girl sends something sexual? Then you have to share, right? - No. - Well, the problem with us-- - Oh shit, that's just the guys I've dated. You're like, that shit's private. - We also have a podcast, so like we, stiff socks, we'll like go-- - Everyone's there. - We'll like tell it to each other. So we'll like save it for that. So if we didn't have a podcast and we were just boys, probably, yeah, there'd be a little bit more of that. - Okay. - The things that I do, and I share some of them in my story, but I share it with them a lot, is when, like on Bumble, 'cause obviously women have to message first,

Sometimes I get like really, really, really bad messages. And that's the extent of sort of what I'll send them to be like, look how fucking horrendous this is. What's a really bad message? I need to know this. I thought there was no such thing. Hey, you're a funny guy. Tell me a joke. Dad, I'm funnier than you. I'm funnier than you. Kills me because no, you're not. No, you're not. You work at Bed Bath & Beyond and I'm sure you're a lovely lady.

You're not funny to me. You can fold a towel better than me. You're not funnier than me. I'm heated. - By the way, this has nothing to do with my feelings about Bed Bath and Beyond. - No, mine either. I love Bed Bath and Beyond. - Problematic, yes or no? Are they here to stay in 2023? - Okay, I do understand though why girls send stuff like that because they assume that everyone is just messaging you, sucking your dick. - Oh, so this is the opposite? - Yeah. - It's so funny because like I see where their heads at, but it does the opposite to me. I see that and I go, no.

Yeah, you can see right through it. You're like, oh, you're really trying to not suck my dick, which shows how much you care. You know, you are dodging dick pics on the daily in the DMs. I'm just dodging comments that are like mean to protect my mental health. So let's say a video has a thousand comments if it did crazy well.

You know, when I see a negative comment, I'm human. It makes me feel a certain way. I don't feel great about it. So if a girl is like, you're not funny, you're just another hate comment to me. Yeah, it's not like a negative. Like, yeah, you're not funny. I read it as like her being like this fucking guy. You ain't funny. Okay. I feel that. I feel like because you guys are always cracking jokes. Me too. People think like we don't have feelings. That's not to sound. No, no, no. The hard part about text is you read it in your head. How?

So I'm reading it like as a hate comment, but she's probably sending it like, haha, you're like not funny. You know, but like, you know, that's why voice memo was actually good. But if I see a comment that goes, you're not funny now, I'm just in TikTok land again. Okay. So anything negative, anything I think even talking about you being funny, whether it's like a compliment or not, you just, you don't want it to be about that. I'm assuming. I'm a very big, and maybe you're against this, Sophia. I'm a very big, just say, Hey, how are you?

just be boring but no but just be just but dude but just be regular because in my head it's like if you're regular i will do my due diligence to see if i want to respond so just say something right down the middle and i will look at your instagram to see if you're a regular person whatever and i'm like oh i might be like attracted to this person i'll message back but you're rolling the dice if you message something crazy yeah just go right that's why i tell people like oh how do what do i say to a girl at a bar you walk up to them and say

"Hey, how are you? I'm Nick. What's your name?" And they'll suss it out in the moment. - So I totally agree with you when it comes to women sliding in. I think it's different for men and women. I think women can slide in with a, "Hey, what's up?" 'Cause guys are gonna immediately go and check out how you look. - Check it out, yeah. - Word. - Like that's, I mean, come on. That's like the most important thing. - What if I screenshot a fake bank account and send it to them?

- That's an option? - 13 mil, what's up? - If you're sending me your bank account info without me even asking, just sitting in my DMs, I'm gonna assume it's fake. - You're a scammer. - Yeah. - But it is funny to be like, "Yo!" - That would be funny though. - And then your message back is photoshopped, question mark? - Yeah.

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Your cash back really adds up. What's like the funniest DM you've ever gotten? Like maybe a guy was like trying to flex. The beaver one. Or like that. I'm so mad. What's like unironically funny? Like it's a guy with his shirt off in front of like a Hyundai Sonata 2019 being like, this could be yours. Like, like, like, is there something where a guy like thought he was flexing, but he wasn't?

- There has been, oh, when he thinks he's flexing. Literally any time he tries to flex, it's funny. If you're in front of a car, if you're showing your body, if anything is like cringe, you know? Like you can't flex. - Is there a way to do that, that the flex is like under wraps a bit where it's like,

He's doing it, but it's in a tasteful way. That's what vacation photos are for. What do you mean? Okay, I hear you. Right? That is what vacation photos are for, is to flex without flexing. Oh, I see what you're saying. Like, okay, he was in Monaco this past summer. I don't even know how to spell that. And he was on a yacht. I don't even know where Monaco is. Is that a city, state, country? That's a country. The UN? The UN is not a country. Is not? No.

The UN's out to go. Okay, but let me ask you this, which is extremely interesting to me. You guys were saying earlier that girls are out here sending the equivalent of a dick pic. Wild shit. Like your DMs are filled with girls' tits, vagina. Not filled. But yes. You're there. Yes. Not filled, you know. Are those girls getting a response? Mostly not.

Mostly not. So the tits are real nice. But are the dick pics getting a response? No. Right. Never. It's almost like you're like, whoa, it's happening. It's too much. Not one time. And I don't think it's his dick. Is that crazy? The homies? What? It's the dude who works at Subway? What are you talking about? That just goes to show my trust issues are that bad. I don't even think your dick pic is his dick. Put your Instagram next to it.

That's crazy. That's crazy. I really think that way. I just feel like if it's that out of the gate, I'm like, this is too much at once. What's your name? How do I know you? And I assume you're the most sexual person ever. Like, I don't know. There's a way to do it tastefully though. Like if a lady's like sending. The vanish mode? The vanish mode is hot. But if a girl sends me like a DM and like in like, in like, you know, tasteful, like lingerie or something, it's like,

That's hot to me. But if you go straight, like here's the inside of my vulva, take a look, there's stalactites.

- It's a crazy first thing. - Okay. The stalactite. - I mean, I thought we were gonna laugh, no one laughed, but yeah, yeah. - I was just trying to picture it. - Yeah. - Me too. - It looks like the upside down. - Okay, but lingerie isn't too much in the beginning. - Lingerie is nice. - Lingerie is hot. - Because then your brain starts undressing you. Like, "Ooh, what if I took this?" But when it's full nude, you're like, "Where'd I go from here?" You gotta backtrack. - Right, but do you judge a girl that's the first thing she sends you? Like, "Look at me half naked."

Yeah, I mean, it's a little much. That sets a tone. It does set a tone. It sets a tone, I think. It sets like, yo, I'm in Cincinnati, come get it. Well, it depends what you're looking for. That's just like AK for slut. It sets a tone. If you want a one-night stand or you want to have fun, there it is. But if you want a wife...

Yeah. I don't know if that's really the tone you're going for. I feel that. Like, also, I don't want to have been like a ciabatta loaf, you know? Oh, shit. You made this girl. God damn. Oh, shit. What else you make? Is that almond butter, bitch? Come on now, you know, let my brain fall in love. When it's just straight out just tits. I'm like, ah, hold up. I'll screenshot it, but I don't know what to respond. Right. I just collect them like NFTs. Let's say she's not, you're not that attracted to her.

is there anything she could say that would make you take her out on a date are you a beaver because damn yeah that's what i'm saying personality is huge for me um have you guys ever had a boner while you were recording yeah not while we're recording i mean not a full one you've been bricked up on a pod you've been bricked up on a broadcast 30 for sure dude the guests that we've had sometimes the conversation we've had

we've had? Sometimes, dude. Sometimes I'll link like chemistry wise just even like talking like a little like a little hot. Like a little hot. How are we doing today? Because the way you're sitting that would be crazy. You hold big thought right there. Like could I right now? Are you hard right now? No, I'm not. Should we get a metal detector? We could. Why don't you feel it? Crazy. You try to get a clip, lady. Goddamn. Yeah, I've never never in my life been recording. Not even been 10%. There's no way. I mean, you guys have had it

really hot girls on sex workers on maybe a girl's shown their tits on here before I'm not sure no we've never heard that but I just for me it is the it's the moment where like we're like having you know what it is it's when we're having like sort of like a fake scenario talk like the one we had earlier correct

Like that, like on ours, but like a more like sexual tone one, then I will. But it's like, we're talking about 15 to 20%. We're not talking about full mass. Okay. We're not talking about the whole four inches getting huge. You know what I mean? I'll stand up and take a thumbnail. You're like, give me five. Oh, yeah. Okay. So what do you, I feel like you have two, like at least like some movement down there. I don't know. I don't know.

That's such a good question. I don't know if I have. There's had to have been like even a little movement, which what do you do at that point? We recorded like broad daylight. So I feel like one of these. Yeah, for me it's more like one of these. Yeah, by the ankle. I don't think, dude, like it's really, if you're like a full grown adult, like getting like fully hard,

Like when you're having a conversation with nine mics and 3000 lights, it just doesn't happen. We're also trying to think of shit to say and stuff like that. - It's like performative. It's like I'm putting on a show right now. It's like same thing when I'm doing standup. I've never been brick doing standup. - Never. That would be insane. - When's the last time you had an inconvenient boner?

that's a flight we talk about this a lot flights are getting hard hard what is that flights make you really horny yeah for women too really is it the altitude i think it's got to be the altitude it's the tension it's like there's a tension the tension of like there's only a hundred of us on a flight and it's like let's be honest half these people look like goblins okay the other half have you guys ever played if this flight goes down who am i fucking first game in your head

Yeah, I choose the person next to you, right? Well, not if they're not. Absolutely not. I'm lazy. I'm like, sir, what are we doing? Yeah, you're a businessman. Here's my clock. But a flight isn't that inconvenient. You could just kind of like move your legs around. Right, but it is weird. I just go to the bathroom and jerk off. So I don't have to think about it anymore. On the flight. I've never done that in my life, but he'd be getting them off on flights. Okay. I want to do that the next time I'm flying. You can. I like that. I like that idea. Just put your beaver somewhere and get a dam.

That's a callback. I think it's very stress relief. You know, flights, there's a lot of tension getting to the Uber, the airport security. You're sitting, you're finally there. Right. I think maybe, you know how they have the breastfeeding lounge pods? On the plane? Yeah.

If you want. No, but like in the airport. Yes. So, you know, maybe on the flight, you should have like a little J.O. station. I think this is good. So the J.O. pod, the milk station, the Kylie fucking makeup and then right next to Kylie makeup, you have a jerk off station. And then things would just get sexual. Yeah. But like you have to like prove to somebody that you're stressed out. Like there's a security guard there being like, how how stressed are you?

He's like, I got to fucking fly my quote girlfriend on first class. I'm stressing. Yeah. Selling a little or a lot. Shopify helps you do your thing. However you cha-ching. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage all the way to the did we just hit a million orders stage.

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Have you ever been super, super into a girl and you get a boner, accidental boner on a first date? Yes. But recently-ish. Yeah. I was telling him, I feel like sometimes when you start catching feelings for a girl, it feels like you're back in high school again. It's like you kiss her and you're like, oh my God, that feeling. Yeah. You get bricked up off a forehead kiss. Huh? Bro, I got bricked up. What are we, in the notebook? Somebody start raining. Is this the row, row boat?

Let me ask that. What? If you guys are on a roller coaster ride as your first date and she has to sit in front of you, you know the ones in like your legs are wrapped around her? Oh, yeah. I don't know this one. I can see that. What do you mean? You're like on a roller coaster. She's sitting in the seat in front of you, but your legs have to go around her. I don't know this one. Okay, you're on a canoe. You're on a canoe. Yeah, yeah. I think I've heard of it. She's sitting in front of you. A canoe? I'm visually lost here. Her back.

- Your back/butt is rubbing up against your penis area. - Hell yeah. - You're getting a boner. - No, not on a roller coaster. - It depends. - Okay. - Depends like if there's like friction in the ride, like if there's a little bumping and grinding. - Okay. - Like maybe he like started the ride too quick. He's like, "Oh, sorry." A pump fake, whoop, whoop. - And then do you get embarrassed at that point? Or do you let her know? - I was always curious about this, like at frat house parties, like everybody's bumping and grinding. Like when you're dancing, women know you're bricked, right?

Or like you got a club? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a club? I can feel the guy's heart if we're like dancing that way. But is that like a compliment? It depends like where we're at. I feel you're into the dude. If you're into the dude, it probably is. But if you're not, you're like, ew, this is gross. We would have had to have been dancing for like at least

15 minutes. This is also like, I feel like, I don't know the last time I was like in a club, like grinding. Like this is very like 22, 23 year old behaviors. Yeah. But dude, but dude, when you first, if you like catch films, I'm on the first like date or whatever, dude, bricked up off nothing. You're like, Oh, this is calamari. Yeah.

- I'll text you when I get home. Boing, boing. - Yeah. - Dude, I held hands with this girl recently. I was like, yo, I'm hard off holding hands. - But then you freak out. Like, that's my question. Like, do you want to freak out? I'm like, fuck, this is embarrassing. - No, it's not. It's not because you do the lip tuck and you're fine. - Well, it's also not like projecting through my like basketball shorts. - Right. - I'm wearing denim on a date, you know? - Got it. - But if anything, that's like a sign that like, oh, the shoe might fit. - So you kind of want her to see.

No, no, no. You like give her a wink. It's an indication for yourself to be like, oh, wow, this might be a thing. No, that'd be crazy if you're like getting ice cream. You're like, so...

What do you think down there? No, it's more so like an indication for yourself. Like, oh, there's some feelings here. Like, I might really like this woman. Yeah. I feel like it's an indication for everybody. Like, have you ever been on a date? I love how you're like, it's just an indication for me. No, we're talking about feelings, not like, oh, I want to fuck. Like, if you hold hands, you get a little chub, you're like, oh, wow, I actually have feelings for this girl, not that I just want to like beat it up. I guess I'm thinking about it like we would both visually see that you're erect. No, no, no, no, no. It depends. If he's wearing like a Speedo, yeah. Right.

But everyone's wearing jeans and shit. Like, you can't really see it. Yeah. I'm hard right now. On the podcast. Here we go. I'm sure Michael's at least at his 15%. Well, 15 or 50. That's different. 15 maybe. P or D. Okay, so who's your dream fuck? Dead or alive? Just joking. What is it? Thank you. You're so welcome. That's the best compliment I've gotten in a while. Dream fuck. Dead or alive. Nancy Reagan, but I want her to be dead.

i'm joking i love that i thought i was gonna laugh nothing cool um no you have to give it you have to give like a two second like there can be a pause for me like really register then laugh okay fine uh i'm bombing uh what's gonna say the the girl i've said this to her before and i cannot never remember her name she was the new bond girl uh she was on knives out do you know what i'm talking about that was in knives out

She has a very hot name. It's like Armanda or something like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Anna DeArmas. Anna DeArmas. Thank you. Was that it? Yes, dude. Oh, my God. I love her. Gorgeous. So hot, it's crazy. Yeah. You're not listening. Well, maybe she is listening to this. DM me. She is. Oh, good. For sure. I love her. Okay. I've never met her. I don't even know what she smells like, but I know it's good. Cinnamon. Totally. God.

Has that ever happened where you're like, I'm so into this girl and then like the scent is off? I'm sure. Yes. Or if a girl's no scent, I'm like, what's going on here? What if my pillow is going to smell like nothing tomorrow? It's going to smell like downy. That's how I know if I like a girl. If the girl leaves and I smell the pillow afterwards. Yeah. That's how I know. I'm like, oh, what am I doing? You feel like you're on something like rom-com shit because she like folds. When a girl makes my bed after, I'm like, oh, yeah, dude, you make a guy's bed after or no?

It's like I'm in the kitchen doing something. I'll answer. No. You throw it on the ground and you go pick it up. Yeah, you throw the fucking decorative pillows out the window. The fact that I had to ponder it for that long, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But let's say you're wearing his t-shirt to sleep. The next day you leave, are you folding a t-shirt or are you kind of just tossing it on the bed?

Am I folding the t-shirt? I'll fold the t-shirt. That's very nice. I'll fold the t-shirt. That's like where I'm at in life. Like I see a folded t-shirt. I'm like. That's just for my mental. Are you a housewife? Are we in love? White picket fence? What do I name our son? Thraxton? Just if I fold the t-shirt. Yeah. Oh, okay. Because in my head I'm like, oh, that's.

That's respect right there. Yeah. Respectful lady. It's also showing that she like cares. She's thinking about like, oh, let me, you know, she's the, the, yeah, the impulse, the impulse to fold it. That's a good impulse. You're like, oh, this could be a good mom. But even the bed is, I love that. What about, oh, you,

like that yeah you don't think i'm taking it too far yeah i'm in between on the make the bed thing i will say no i like you because usually it's like oh i we had a whole night and that's her saying thank you you know i was like we went to dinner we did this i did all that you know when is it taking it too far uh when she uh tucks the bed in and then she's still laying in and she goes i'm not leaving okay but what if she leaves you come home she like

put something in the washing machine, did a load of dishes. - Too much. - See, are you like, okay, that's thoughtful. - I'm not the cleanest person, so I like that. - Okay. - Too much. - Do you just want a cleaning lady? - Yeah. - There's like maids in LA that literally clean your house topless. I forget what they're called, like topless maids or something. - Shut up. - It's called illegal. That can't be real. - No, it's a real thing. It's called a real thing, yeah.

Jesus Christ. There's like a pink van on like Sunset that I see advertised all the time for it. Okay. I don't know what is too far. Too far to me is just kind of like when I'm like getting ready to like about to leave and she's like not like moving anything. Like she's not like getting ready to leave as well. She's not taking like the hints to be like, all right. All right. Like, all right. I'm about to go to, you know. I've had the opposite thing. I've told him a bunch. There was two girls like maybe whatever, like a year ago in a row.

that we fucked in a row before just two girls that happened in a row, but then we fucked. And then she literally like, she jumped off the bed, got dressed and started ordering an Uber. I was like, that used to be, this is too fast. What's the thought logic behind that? I used to be me. Is it to keep them on their toes being like, Oh, maybe she doesn't want me.

I think if I'm going to be completely honest, there was a little bit of that maybe back in the day when I would just want to play mind games and like really cared. Yeah. And also you do not want to be the girl that's there too long. I think that's what it is. But then I started feeling like I'm a prostitute. Like that was literally what a prostitute would do. Got a blast. So do you think you're over the mind games? Do you still play some or is it just inevitable or you're just like this is just where I am? Because I feel like sometimes –

I was both of us in a relationship for a while and then dating again. I forgot about the mind games. It's like, I'll text back six hours later. I'm like, what's happening? Is this interest or not? I think there's a natural part of me that's going to play somewhat of a game. Yeah. Right. I don't like spend a ton of time playing it. Sometimes it feels like

and this is maybe just a few experiences, not women as a whole, but it's like they'll put in more work to put in the game. The more logic on that than it is to just respond when you respond. - Right, which I realized over time. It's like you responding when you can or when you want to is like just as much of a mind fuck. But am I gonna put my best foot forward the first couple of months? - Yeah, no, trust me. I don't want anybody to respond immediately right then. I'm like, "Oh, this is what's happening. This is too much. You got nothing going on?" - Yeah.

Take 20, take an hour. Who gives a shit? But when it feels like it's like six hours, I'm like, are you on jury duty right now? See, that's the shit I do, but it's not even on purpose. Right, but you're busy and successful. But if this chick is just working at a weed dispenser, I'm like, you have all the time in the world. Totally. Unless she's high. Unless she's what? She's high. She's standing on a phone and she's like, how do I click send? And it's not even a phone, it's a Roku remote? The problem is, whatever they're doing works.

Because the longer they take back, I'm like, you don't value who I am? Am I not successful enough? Who are you fucking? You know what? It does work. It does. It does work, but I think it does eventually blow up in someone's face. It does work, but then eventually I get mad. Then I'm just like, that's what I'm saying. It works here and there. Yes. You can't constantly be doing that. You can't like for the first week, like not every response can take that long. Yes. Right. Well, it's also like weird because you're like trying to like figure out plans and you're like, all right, we're doing something tonight on Sunday. And then you're like, what?

Are we meeting up? Are we going to get ghosts? Are we going to show up? I'm the queen of just so flaky and dudes get so mad. Like, that's why I don't respond. These dudes clean their room. Are you kidding me? Yeah, they hired the topless maid to come and fucking clean their room. This is crap. So what happens? You're supposed to go to dinner at 8. It's 8 o'clock. You don't want to go. Do you just ghost or do you say, like, hey, listen, I had a thing come up?

I would wait so long. This is going to be so fucked up that then they would have to assume it's not happening, but it wouldn't be me saying no. But like, let's say Wednesday, we should go out this time, blah, blah, blah. Then Sunday, like 2 p.m. He's like, you still good for tonight? Okay. Yeah. I think I would have to give you at least a three hour warning. Oh, if you're going to cancel. That's not bad. But is that fucked up? Kind of three hours. But if it was planned three days in advance. Dude math. That's crazy amount of time.

- Okay. - You got shit we can do in three hours? - Yeah, three hours is enough. - For the driving range? - I'm a culprit of canceling way too late, 100%. - Same. - But it's work shit. It's not me being like, "Oh, I don't wanna fuck." It's like if Laugh Factory shit's running too late or whatever and I'm literally gonna leave here like an hour later, I'm not gonna make it to dinner. Then I'll text and be like, "This show is running late. "If you can do 10, awesome, "but that's when I'll get outta here." - I had a guy do this. - Which is not nice.

I literally tell this story all the time. He bailed on a date an hour, maybe two hours before. And at that point it was like, never again. We will never go on a date. Do you think that's like a valid response? Well, what was his reason? He didn't even give me a reason. I really like want to pull up the text now because I don't remember. But I think it was something very nonchalant. This might be a joke. Yes. Two seconds later.

Trevor's had to go take care of his boner. Yeah, I had to flip it up. Maybe that's why Schultz canceled. He was bricked up. He's like, I don't know what to do with this. Anytime a girl sends a text with, hey, don't hate me, I go, guess who's getting canceled on? Hey, don't hate me, but I'm in love with you. Never that. Never. Hey, don't hate me, your dick's too big. Never. That's never happened to me one goddamn time. Save on Cox Internet when you add Cox Mobile and get fiber-powered internet at home and unbeatable 5G reliability on the go.

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If you're going to cancel, what do you say? If I'm going to cancel? Yeah.

- I am so sorry. I can't make it. I don't give a reason. - That's true. But do you give- - Giving a reason is already, you're lying. - Yeah. - 100%. - If you get too detailed- - My dog died. - Yeah. - Yeah. - My girlfriend is drowning. - My dog got hit by a FedEx truck. His name is Al Frankton. - But do you give a...

other days, hey, I can't do it tonight, but I'm free Tuesday. Yes. That's big. If somebody knows it was the other day, they go, you didn't want to go on this date in the first place. I'll feel so bad and I'll be so desperate that like I may have fucked shit up and I'll be like, let's confirm right now. You can't cancel again. What about Wednesday? Yeah, do you cancel again? Have you ever canceled again? Oh my God. Do you think someone would cancel just to

Yes. Fuck with you? No. No? No. I've never done that. But this happened in the grand scheme of things for sure. Maybe you haven't done it. Maybe. I mean, would you ever do that to a girl? No. Do what? Cancel on her.

I'm horny, no. What do you mean? Cancel in what regard? Cancel a first date for work purposes. Yes, 100%. I've done it. Yeah, I would cancel if I literally had to or I didn't want to waste so many times. Like, hey, I know we wanted to meet up at 8 or 9, but this is running late. I just don't think I'm going to make it. But I always give the follow-up. I can't, but like Tuesday, I'm good. What about Tuesday? If you were to cancel two times in a row, I'd be like, oh, it's crazy. And it's over. Oh, of course. It's over. Well, even if a girl cancels on me and she doesn't be like, but I'm free this day, I'm out.

Hey, sorry, I can't make it tonight. Yeah. So if she does it two times in a row, you guys are out. Over. I say that now, but I'm one mojito deep and I'll be like, she's working, she's going through some things. Yeah, she's an independent woman, 2023, burning barrels and shit.

I always tell women it's not over until you say it's over. Cause I could hit you with a FaceTime or post something on Instagram where I'm looking sexy and slutty and like all goes out the window. I do. I have, I have so many times with that texting shit. That's what I was talking about earlier. It was like a girl takes six hours to text or whatever. And she's so hot. I'm like, man, I'm over this. I don't want to play these games. The second she texts, I'm like, man, big dick back in town. Oh, she thumbs up a text.

You're going to text back like, all right, fine. I guess I'll answer. I'll wait seven minutes. And then if she's texting you with a fucking selfie where she looks hot. A selfie? I'll fucking simper a selfie. You guys are back in the game. It's so easy with you guys. A selfie with a coat and a scarf? All bundled up? Bitch, let me get in there. Inspector Gadget? I love it. But I like, yeah, I think it's so funny that I'll be like, oh, I'll take some time to respond back. Literally 10 minutes. She's like, huh? You simp.

- Okay, and if a girl texts back immediately, you guys are like, "Fuck that shit." She's too available. - Too quick. - Unless we're in a conversation. - Yes, we're trying to figure out plans. - Okay. - Are you in economy or not? That's when we need to be on the dot. - So this is my last question for you guys. Well, Trevor, you never answered who your dream fuck is. Dead or alive. - Oh, wow, true.

Michael Boston. The hard part is like these are like my like friends. They're like people that I like know. Okay. Huh? Yeah. You're gonna pick someone that you know is a dream fuck? Yes. Really? Oh, so you're famous famous. Like all your besties are like cream of the crop famous people. I never said that. What about Julia Roberts? She could be from Duluth, Iowa.

No, it's people that I've always wanted to okay, you know and they're your close friends not close But they're like it's like a chick you met at like an event or something here God that she's so hot and then you're like, all right I guess was followed children Instagram and I'll like a photo every quarterly semester, but there's no one that's like dumb famous that you just want to beat up There's there actually be actually Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Give me a second. Hold on We're getting into horny hours - this is like have you ever turned?

on the television and there's like, you know. Some of the weather ladies in Spain were very hot. There's someone that you've noticed. Hold on, let me get my horny hours activated. He doesn't really watch movies. I don't watch a lot of TV. I watch like literally, like I said, like Pawn Stars and Terrible. Fine, tell me an Instagram famous girl. TikTok.

Who's that girl that I'm gonna this is a long way to go who's that white rapper the fucking the younger dude that just popped like two years know West Coast No, the white dude Thank you. Jack harley. Jack harley wrote a song about her. What's her name? Dua Lipa Dua Lipa Dua Lipa Dua Lipa Dua Lipa Dua Lipa

Dua Lipa and then once again, Dua Lipa. That's my answer for now and then if we ever record again, still her. She's so hot. Can you tell me what it is? Her face. Her belly button hot. It looks like she was chiseled with Icelandic water. Are you kidding me? Put a nipple in my ass. Where? Everywhere. Do people do that? I don't know. Dua Lipa times a thousand.

How did I not think of that? Does it matter their profession at that point? Like, is it harder if she's an actress? You can be a pogo stick rider. Do it to me. Okay. All right. No, I don't want you working at the circus or some shit like that. You know what I mean?

Have some, have a little bit of motivation. Just juggling flaming. You don't want circus. No, I don't. I need some. Well, I mean, if we're just, if we're in sex land and I don't really care, but if like we're talking about long-term stuff, I don't want you to work at the, you know, I don't, I need some type of motivation. As long as you like your job. That's such a big turnoff for me when a chick loves her job. So gross. So you guys are paying for the date on the first date.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank God. When is it okay for a guy to be like, at least give me the reach, you know? What do you mean? Oh, like I reach for the belt, me not even understanding what the reach is. Like, oh, I have to. Is that when I put my hand out? That's a new level of status. Yeah. Do you not reach at all? For the first date? The first date. The first date I can get behind with not reaching at all.

Would have to really not be into you or really think you're broke if I reach on the first date Wow Wow, so a so you hear if you on a date with her and she reaches she did you Do you want a guy who orders for the table? Do you want to order for yourself? Cuz I went on a date recently girls like I don't want to think about ordering just order whatever and I'm like I would quickly

I don't like this. If a girl asks you to order. Be like. Yeah, I'm not your shaman, bitch. You got it. But what's the appropriate thing to do? Order for the table or I'll be like, oh, you get this, I get that. I like ordering for the table, but you have to just order a bunch of different shit. That's not when you can just be like, you'll love this entree. Like I'm getting you this entree and you'll love it, bitch. And I'm going to get the steak. Does that make sense? That makes sense. It's like we're sharing everything. Right, right, right. But.

- But she's so ordering now. - You don't choose what she's gonna eat. - Right, right, right. But I went, she's like, just order whatever. Now it plays like, it's like, guess who? It's like, does she like, I don't know, shrimp cocktail? - It's like everyone, if you got a salad, a protein and a fucking carb, you'll be fine. - Just the whole pyramid? - And if this girl or guy, whatever, wants to say I am gluten-free, vegan, like that's your shit. - Yeah, that's the worst. - Then you can't ask for someone to order. - No.

I don't listen. Does gluten-free bother you by the way? If a girl sells on her first date, be honest. No, I am. I'm gluten-free. But it's funny and you'll love this. Every time I go on a date, I have to order gluten-free because I'm a man. I'll get like some pasta and then the food runners always give the gluten-free to the girl.

- And then I have to be like, "Sorry, chief, that red lentil pasta's for your boy." - Okay. Have you ever thought of just ordering something that just wouldn't have gluten? - I do all the time. - To just avoid that. - Steak houses. Wow, this guy's so fucking alpha. No, I'm not. I can't eat the focaccia bread. Or my ex, the first dates we would go on, I would just eat pasta and just be like, "Well, deal with this later."

Rather not look like a bitch eating fusilli. I would rather you do that than order a gluten-free pasta. Really? How is that? Is that, that's fucked up. That's shallow. It's a thing. That's shallow, but like, then get a steak. It's a turning point in the day. Definitely would have to be like, hey, I know it's annoying, but uh.

Okay, does it bother you if I'm like, I'm going to get the gluten-free pasta? No. A man could do whatever the fuck. You could order a New Balance shoe and I'd be like, she's so hot. That's not true. If you ordered a shoe at her fucking restaurant, I have a problem. Let me get a sketcher. All right, she's off the rails.

Are they the shape ups? Are they medium rares? All right. Can we agree Italy are not allowed to order gluten free? Italy, they got the good flour. They got the good. They got the shit without the fentanyl in it. They got the uncut shit. Oh, you said Italy. I literally thought you said Eataly and I was like, I've never been there. I've never been to Italy either. There I tough it. Okay. I,

- I love you guys. - I love you. - Sophia, thank you for doing our podcast. - So fun. - We did an episode. - Stiff socks. - Yes, you're on it this week. We're on yours this week. Always so much fun. You were the voice of all hot women everywhere. - The voice of reason. That's them saying I don't have the voice of reason. - You do. - You do. - But like whatever you agree with, I agree with. - Thank you. - I agree with all women. - That was the most beta thing I've ever heard you say.

And I love you. And I'm around you a lot. She has hot fans. What am I going to sign? I'll be like, this shit sucks. I do. And they will slide in. And they will slide in. So Michael, what are you going to say now? Give me a compliment. Man, let me tell you something, dude. The moment that we met, I knew that you were just, that you had like, we had chemistry and you were the funniest and the hottest person I've ever met in my entire life. And let me tell you something, you should never reach.

Thank you. Or sit in economy. Correct. Yeah. I said Julia Lipa. I meant Sophia Franklin. Thank you. Let me tell you something. I said Sophia Franklin first. You did. Round of applause. Okay. You're my favorite now. Where else can they find you? TrevorWallsComedy.com. I'm going to be in Australia. I have a special coming out November 14th on Amazon. Go do it. View it. BlauComedy.com on tour right now. Tickets are selling, so go get them. And my special is coming out very, very soon. We don't have a date, but it's coming out soon. Love you guys. Woo. Thank you so much. Bye.