*Grindr Noise* ft. Leo Skepi 53:45

It's Sophia Franklin. You are listening to Sophia with an F. And the F is for phenomenal. This podcast is rated F. The biggest sign that someone is gay, out of nowhere, just go to YouTube and type in the Grindr notification. If he knows that sound, gay. Caught.

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Hi, everybody. Welcome to Sophia with an F. If you haven't already, subscribe. Please press that subscribe button. Trust me, you want to see what the two of us look like. We look real good. We look fabulous. I'm not even wearing a bra. Me neither. And my tits look incredible.

And Leo's not either. And our tits look fabulous. Leo, thank you so much for being here. I am with Leo Skeppy. Leo, I was watching all of your content. Your TikTok is so fucking funny. And how would you like describe your content for people?

You're like, I don't fucking know. Don't put me in a box. Don't put me in a box, bitch. I would say hilarious. You've lived a life. Are you 25? Yes. I was Googling your age all over the internet. Did you hire someone to like not have your age anywhere? No, because there's been articles. People say I'm 30 and people say I'm 5'10". I'm like, that's a sneak this. No.

No. I am so happy you brought that up. I literally have written in my notes. I have this written in my notes. Your bio says,

says, oh wait, your bio has your age. Oh my God, I'm a fucking idiot. Holy shit. You're lucky you're cute. But what I know, I know, right? The fact I have a podcast, I'm like one of those girls that should not be speaking. Speak when spoken to, but you know what? Whatever. I was looking at your TikTok and in your bio, you have six, seven. So I love that you do that, but why do you have your height in your bio?

Like why do guys do that? It's like half my personality. Like why the hell? Like, okay, my attitude, like people assume I'm like 5'8", because no one like runs their mouth like that unless they're like a little rat. So like you see guys online, they like have a lot of strong opinions and they're wrong usually. And they're like 5'8", 5'9". So I'm like letting y'all know like, yeah, I'm funsy and I'm like this and I have a lot of strong opinions, but it's because I could back it up.

That's a valid point. If you are under 5'10", you're lying. I would shut up. You're lying. Everything that comes out of your mouth is not real. I mean, I completely agree with that. When I see a dude displaying his height in his bio, I read that as I'm hot as fuck and I have a big dick. But that's not why dudes do it. That too. Okay. I was about to say.

I don't know your dick sizes, but that's how I interpret it. Okay. Yeah. Just so you know. So you have a huge dick and you have it literally displayed in your bio. Yeah. So yeah, huge dick is how I would describe you. Six, seven, very attractive, very funny. You've lived kind of a crazy life, right? You are also super into fitness and weight.

Kind of like a life coach vibe. Would you agree with that? Yeah. I don't want to put words in your mouth. Do you agree? Put whatever you want in my mouth. You cute. I...

Leo and I saw each other outside of the studio today and we just haven't stopped. It's been going nonstop. We were talking about how we should never have to open a door. It's just, it's crazy. People are like, what are you talking about? No, people think I gaybait. I'm like, no girl, I'm gay. I just love women. Wait, explain what that is again. What is gaybaiting? Gaybaiting, it's like where a guy pretends to be gay online.

For attention for attention or to get pussy both. Oh my god So there's men out here pretending to be gay and then they're like, oh, yeah, let's have a sleepover And then what do you say at that point? I don't know. It's not me But a big thing that a lot of straight men do is like gay bait to get attention from like gay men because like they're the ones that supply their only fans and like everything so like

Any man online shirtless is getting more attention from gay men than women. Honestly, it's not a bad play. I mean, I'm not mad at it. No, I'm not mad at it at all. Make your money. Yeah. As someone who dated a guy that came out as gay, and he was like the love of my life. Love of my life. I dated him for two-ish years, and I kind of knew he was. Which your podcast...

You just released an episode and in the title it says signs that he's gay. Tell me the signs right now. I think women around the world are dying to know the answer to this. No, they are dying to know because it fucked with me for a really long time. I just have one question. Did he used to eat you out with his ass in the air?

That's a telltale. That is crazy. I don't know, but I thought you were going to say, did he eat you out? He did eat me out, but that's not a sign if someone's gay or not. No, but was he like arched about it? I don't remember. You said you had speculation, so what were they? He made out with my best friend, John, who's gay.

So that was like, we were like all drunk at a party. It was in high school. So I kind of just thought like it was definitely a little bit of a red flag. But I was going to say, I don't know, like maybe he's experimenting. I'm not sure. I think it was that. I think it was the fact that every single person in my high school was telling me he was.

And he was like too hot. When dudes are just too hot, I assume gay. Like you. Thanks. So if a dude is making out with your best friend who's gay, is that a sign? Okay, straight men are usually just going to be down for a peck. They're not going to go down for like a tongue flipping and all that. So like if it's a makeout, red flag. They're usually like, okay, like they'll kiss. It's like a funny like haha bro thing. Like we kissed, we got drunk, whatever.

They're not trying to like make out. Okay, that's such a good point. But the biggest sign that someone is gay, I always say is watch their eyes because your eyes never lie. So like if we're out at a restaurant and if you're wondering if I'm into dudes and a guy walks by, even if it's like the quickest glance, people can't help but like pay attention to what they're into.

So, like, it's just, like, the fastest little thing. But if a girl walks by and there's, like, nothing and then a guy walks by and it's, like. Okay, okay. Watch the eyes. People like to people watch. Hell yeah. But I think the rule should be if he looks. If you guys are out, like, doing whatever. If you're, like, at dinner and he looks at three dudes in a row and doesn't look at one girl. Gay. Would you agree with that? Biggie. Biggie.

I love saying just the most outlandish shit as a fact. Like three guys in a row. He's gay. It's done. No discussion. Done. If you're under 5'10", you are a fucking liar. Yeah. That's what it comes down to. Okay. What are some other signs? If a guy is not like talking about girls a lot or talking about them in a sexual way,

Like that's kind of like a weird thing or like it's like, oh, I just really care about her as a person. Like guys just have that thing. Like straight guys are like, oh, she's hot. Look at the tits. Like they just like sexualize. Yes. It's like if a guy is way too respectful. Yeah. I just care about her. No straight dude cares about women, period. They just, they don't.

You're just here with the facts. Just making shit up and just that's the truth. Like, I mean, straight men can care about you and like wish you well. But at the end of the day, they are dirty, disgusting boners all day long. Like they just want to fuck, you know? Very animalistic. So it's like if they don't talk about girls in a sexual way or like if they're trying too hard to sexualize women, like to their friends, it's like, okay, we get it, girl. Yeah.

You've been talking about her tits for 23 minutes. Oh my God. You're trying too hard. The best way to tell just out of nowhere, out of the blue, if we're hanging out, pull up your phone and just go to YouTube and type in the grinder notification and play it. And if he does this.

- Gay, caught. If he knows that sound, gay. - That is such a good way to find out. - 'Cause it's gonna be like a terrified, like when I was like straight, I used to mute all the sounds of Grindr so no one could hear it. So like if I heard it go off in public, I'd be like .

So like if that's a test, there you go. That is... Does he know the sound? That's it. That's it. Play the grinder sound. See how he reacts and if he's fucking triggered and you see it in his face, okay. If there's any type of like

Or like any reaction. Yeah. Like anyone that doesn't know it would just be like. That's so good. That's so good. So I love how you just casually say when I used to be straight. So was that your sexuality or you knew that you were gay but you were just kind of pretending to be straight? Both. Both.

Okay. Like I knew, like I knew the way I felt and what I was into, but I was trying to convince myself that wasn't the truth. For some, like I couldn't accept it. Totally. So I was just like ignoring it or going against it. And when did you decide to just, you were going to tell the world and just own it and be gay publicly out there in the world to yourself too? So when I accepted it in myself was like,

Three years or like four years before I came out because like that's the first battle is like just accepting it first. And then I was like, I'll never come out. I never thought it would come out ever. Wow. So when I finally did it was because I was dating someone.

Okay. That was a guy. Got it. Do you remember how old you were? 21. 21. Oh, so it wasn't that long ago. Wow. Okay. Well, I'm very happy for you because I'm sure living, you know, that life where you just kind of are trying to like deny a part of yourself is really hard to like walk around with. Okay. So you're Albanian, which is,

Is it fair for me to say, and I don't even care if it's fair, Albanians are crazy. Yes or no? You're like, no. Yeah. I mean, I'm from Argentina, and I would say Argentinian people are fucking crazy. Anyone that is Latinx, anyone that is Russian, right? Eastern Europe, those two places I consider cuckoo Jew. The thing about being crazy is like, you're not crazy anywhere.

If you're aware of what you're doing, it's like crazy. It's like if you just think it's normal, that's what's crazy. So like the way that we all are and the way we operate, especially in relationships, like very territorial and very like everybody's like, oh my God, you're psychotic. But we don't look at it as crazy. We don't look at it as weird. It's just how we are. Yeah. So I get the stigma. It's very true. Yeah. I mean, I can't sit here and generalize an entire people because that –

Did you say you can? We're nuts. Like literally, there was a TikTok clip. I was on the Zach Sang show and he asked me about going through people's phones. And I was like, 1000% go through your partner's phone. Don't be stupid. You're one of those. You're down to go through the phone. And I was like, I even go through my friend's phones to see if they're talking shit. You're lying right now. Everybody tried to cancel me for it. I was like, what is wrong, y'all? What's wrong? Me pretending to touch my fake hair. Like, what happened? Yeah.

Just kidding. So you're telling me right now you will grab your friend's phone and what do you go to their text and type your name in and see where it pops up? Damn right. Shut up. There's no way. Have you ever got like gone on one of your friend's phones and found something? Not on a friend's phone. Okay. But my other friends. Because they're good friends. All my friends, we'd be going through all each other's shit. But we're like.

Yeah, or they're good at deleting. But no, I think for the average person, I would not think to myself, damn, Stephanie might be going through my phone. You know, like the average person is not thinking that their friend would go through their phone. Right. You know? But also someone in our position, we have to watch our back more than like people who are not in the public eye. So we do need to be assessing and checking everything. That's true. Let me not push my paranoia onto you, but. I know now I'm freaking the fuck out. Wait till we get close. Give me that phone. Okay.

Okay. And what about when you're in a relationship, you think check their phone whenever the fuck you feel like it?

Not really whenever I feel like it. I'm going to give you like a month before I even go into it. Oh, okay. So you're not doing it on the first date? No. Okay. Rational. That's weird. You are... That's crazy. Coming from the girl who legitimately, I'm not joking, I have asked the last three dudes I've dated for their bank account info on the first date. Like the login? Yeah. I'm actually going to pull up this text and...

Let me see the bank account. Right? Here, I'm going to pull up this text. This is a guy. I know you talk to rich men, too. Yeah. Do a little transfer for us. Come on. Best friend text. Give me some. So, okay, this guy I met, like, last month, and he's younger. So, but this is how much he has in his account. He's 27 and has that much in his account. Yes, I screenshotted it and sent it to myself.

Do you think that's crazy or no? That I do that? I feel like you have more than that in your account, so. No, that's his account. I know. Like, what is your intention behind? Okay, so you're disturbed by the number you just saw. Yeah, I'm like. I need that. It's a lot, but like, it's Sophia fucking Wrangling.

I totally, I totally agree. But I don't think it's weird to ask for that kind of information on a first date. No, but that's the thing is I don't judge people's actions. I look at the intention behind it. So like, why do you ask for that? Because I only want to date a wealthy guy that has money. Valid. So you're getting straight to the point. Yeah, I'm not. But I think why it's actually, I fully support all sugar babies around the world, but

But I think, you know, I have a job. I'm very successful. So I think I have every fucking right to be like, hi, are we on the same level or am I wasting my time? Yeah. People can talk all they want. Yeah. Oh. People can look like they got money. They got credit card debt. Especially if they're under 5'10". Like if they're under 5'10", you need to ask for receipts, people. Yeah.

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But I do that. And if they don't show me, I'll still go on like a second, third date. But I need to know at a certain point. A lot of people think that's just crazy I need to do. I don't think it's that crazy. Also, I'm 30. I'm not really trying to just date and fuck around the next dude I'm with. I don't even need to marry him, Leo. I just want him to impregnate me because I do want kids. I can do that.

Oh my God, please. Because I'm over, I'm so over all of the dudes. We would have an insanely hot kid, but it would be fucking psychotic. Oh my God. Albanian, Argentinian. Both parents with a podcast. Oh, that kid would be in juvie, like in jail, in legal trouble, constantly always getting arrested. I've been arrested three times, by the way. Word, I know. Oh, you do? Have you ever? No.

I've been arrested. I haven't been booked. So like they've taken me to the station. I'm like, girl, come on. We're doing a field trip. And did they just let you go? So they just let you go? Yeah, like when I was in high school, I used to fight a lot. So like they would do like the whole scare tactic. I'm like, are you booking me or not? And you were like, this isn't working. Yeah. Okay. So the police cannot intimidate this man. I actually have your mugshot shirt. Stop. Deadass. Wait, stop.

Stop. I'm going to cry right now. No way. I do. Okay. My sister got it for me like a while ago. So I love your sister. How old is she? 26. Why was she giving it away? Just kidding. No, she bought it for me because I was like. Oh, that is so, I'm just totally kidding. That is so fucking sweet. Okay. We are, no, for real, we're hanging out after this. Well, I have a recording, but we are going to hang out. I leave tomorrow, but.

But I know. Isn't that so sad? That's fucked up. How are you going to come and get me attached to you and then just leave me? I know. But I'm getting on a red-eye flight. So let's go lay by the pool tomorrow and have like margaritas. Okay. Because I did offer him a white claw and he gave me a disgusted look and said I was trash. Trying to make me fat, bitch. No. Can we talk about that? Well, okay. I'm like jumping all over the place. We are going to talk about what makes you fat slash what makes you –

Why am I not? He said it. No, that was just funny. Title of this episode. What makes you fat? What makes you fat? Everybody says I'm fat phobic already. And I'm like, girl, no, I used to be fat. No. You used to be fat? Yeah, I was a fat little shit when I was a kid.

Okay. Did you just get really tall and grow out of it? No, I got tall and got fat. Oh, shit. Okay. I had to lose it all. So how did you take care of that? The fat thing? Like it's an STD. How did you take care of that? Oh.

I can't wait to cut half of this. No, I mean, are we not allowed to say the word fat anymore? We are. Yes, we are. It's okay. What am I supposed to sit here and say? Okay, so when you were younger, you were curvaceous.

Plus size? What am I going to say? Oh, when you were little, you were plus size? How did you grow out of being plus size? People are mad about plus size, so people have started saying extended size now. No. Nope. No. Like the little submarine. They call it a submersible. Bitch, what? What?

Okay, so it's extended size. Something like that. I'm like, what is an extendo clip on a gun? Why are you calling people extended size? That sounds like some Harry Potter shit. Extendo patronum. Extendo size...

Okay, so I'm not going to say that, but how did you slim down? So you want like my journey or like tips for people? I kind of want tips for people. Okay, so the first thing that I did was very helpful is just start looking at the nutrition label on food. Like just becoming aware of like how many calories are in things and how big is a serving size. Because my fat ass used to eat two packs of ramen noodles.

There's two servings in one pack. Babe, I do that. There's two servings in one pack. Shut... No. So that's four servings.

That I used to eat. Who the fuck is going to tell ramen noodle? That is not two servings. It is. Okay, so you used to have four servings technically of ramen noodles. Yeah, and that was like a little snack. I didn't realize. Oh, that was a snack. That was just to hold you over until breakfast, lunch, dinner. Yeah. Okay, I feel that. But that's the biggest thing is just becoming aware of what is actually in what you're eating and what is the proper serving size. Yeah.

Because like you'll be shocked when you just start looking. I'm shocked right now over the ramen noodle shit. See, I don't want to know. I don't want to know serving sizes. You said give me a tip. I don't. I want to stay delulu. I don't want any now.

I'm like, you know what? You could just sit there. I'm going to take this one over because I really talk about fitness all the time. Tell people how you get skinny. Everyone. Everyone right now. Am I on it? No. I heard it has horrible side effects. But I, you know what? I've always been slim. But.

But I've gotten very, very skinny in the last few years. I don't know why. I think it stemmed from serious stress and depression. But then I got out of that. But, you know, the weight stayed off. You look like I've followed you forever, bitch. So, like, I've seen you, like, I saw the – we live, like, parallel lives for a second. Stop. Because when I was with my sugar daddy, you went to Bora Bora. Two weeks later, I was in Bora Bora.

Shut up. Yes. Like we had parallel lives and then like the whole falling out with like the show and shit is when I left my ex. We was both heartbroken. I was listening to your podcast. We was crying together. Yeah.

Like we were parallel lived for a minute. Legitimately. Wow. So we were like at Bora Bora within the same two weeks on top of the world and then depressed as fuck at the same time. Like had you farted when you left Bora Bora, I would have smelt it. Like when I landed.

That is so fucking funny. But now we're out of it. Look at us now. Yeah. Would you say you're out of it? Oh, hell yeah. What's another tip? The next one is, okay, so like we all get it's a calories in, calories out thing. So like if you look at losing weight as a numbers game, which it is, just look at it like if you go over, you're gaining weight. If you go under, you're losing weight. But I look at it like spending money. So like if I have 2,000 calories of food,

like food i can eat i look at it like i have two thousand dollars to spend and if a snickers bar is two hundred dollars i only have two thousand it helps me like do that but that also weirdly like

flipped my relationship with money. Like I got better with spending habits and also with eating habits at once. Wow. Like that's a big one people don't talk about. Okay. So look at your calorie intake, like a spending account, budget your calorie intake. I think that's so smart. How can I be skinny if I want to drink all day? It's a calories thing. Really? Yeah. Okay. So a lot of people don't know this. There's a hundred calories in each shot of liquor.

Okay. So like one shot of tequila is 100 calories. You throw it back. We take like six to eight a night, right? I mean, not every night. I know the way I'm like talking about drinking, I'm like all day. Like what about the people I want to drink all day long?

So like it's a hundred calories in one shot. Then people, like I always say, get sugar free, get diet, get nothing, or just do a shot and like cry. But like if you put Coke into it, now it's 200 calories for one drink. People don't understand the amount of calories that are in it. So like if you go out and you have five shots, that's 500 calories. If you spend your 2000 calories you have for the day and then you go drink on top of it, that's 500 more. You're going to gain weight.

So like, it's just a matter of, cause I still drank and lost weight and I still drink. I was fucked up last night and the night before. I still drink, but it's like, you have to understand how much you're going to drink. So I'll budget. Like if I want five shots, I'll eat 500 calories less than what I usually would.

So that it just caps me out at maintenance. Okay. So I'm not gaining weight. Like you have to be strategic. Yeah. And watch your mouth. Literally everybody watch your mouth when you're drunk. Don't eat bad shit. And the whole thing about. I thought you meant like don't be like talking shit or like something like that. No, like watch your mouth. Watch what you put in it. Okay. Because people are like, oh, get a burger, get some greasy shit. No. No. Don't. And we're going to just move right along. So were you born in the U.S.?

Yes. You were. Both of your parents were Albanian or are? So my dad is and my mom is not. Growing up, were they, was he super into Albanian culture and you kind of grew up with that or more Americanized? It was more Albanian culture. But my mom moved in with my dad when she was 16 and moved in with his family. So she was raised like an Albanian girl.

So like I'm half white, but like it was raised like fully Albanian. Okay, got it. Very attractive people, I have to say. The women, yes. The men. I was, oh, I was talking about the men. Albanian men. They got that fucking nose. Wait, really? Yeah.

Really? Because my doorman, who I have the biggest crush on in the whole world, I really hope he doesn't hear this because I know he listens to the podcast and I'd be really fucking awkward, is the hottest dude ever. Is he Albanian? He's Albanian, but that is also why I was like, okay, like, there's a little spice. There's like a little spice to Albanians because when I moved into my apartment in New York, when I moved back, I had a party.

And basically within the first week of moving into my apartment, basically 90% of the people at this party, I had no clue who they were. No idea. At your place? Yes. I invited a few of my close friends and I was like, fuck it, invite whoever you want. And it turned into a rager. And this guy who is now my friend kind of said,

He parked his car just in front. There's like a, it kind of looks like a valet. Could I sound more obnoxious? I have valet too. Okay. I don't even have a fucking car. I'm not trying to flex right now. I'm trying to explain my building. There is a section in front of it that's a valet. Okay, he parked. What happened? He just parked his fucking car. Me? Yeah.

You park your shit on the sidewalk, I already know. Up on the bench. And you just do not care. There's no parking here. I make it. I'm like, I'll go here. You make it work. So he parks and they start calling me. And I just moved in, right? I don't want to be on their shit list already. They're calling me saying he needs to move his car. He goes down there. He threatens to stab my doorman.

He was wearing a chain. He pulls off the bottom of it. It turns into a knife. Threatens to stab my doorman. By the way, had been living there for four days. But my doorman, the sexy Albanian, throws up the Albanian gang sign.

Which now I know what it is. Oh, shit. Which now I know what it is. Oh, God. Because he showed me. He throws it up and says, I'm fucking Albanian and I will fucking kill you. And so that's that story. What'd the guy do? What? They put his little chain knife away? Yeah, I think he went home. Was he Albanian too or not? No, he was not.

Is he cute? Would you not date an Albanian? I would. Okay, so. We'd just both be in jail. Yeah, okay. Okay, so let's not do that. Argentinian people cannot date Albanians. Argentinians cannot date Argentinians. Like, it's just, you can't. It's simple math. You can't do it. It's just, you can't. You can't mix the two. Every single Albanian, we always got something on us. What does that mean? Like some kind of protection. Okay, thank you, period. We don't even need to get into the details, but just know that.

Argentinians, I wouldn't say are that same vibe, but they're just not well in the head. Any of them. No one in my family, none of them, never, ever, ever feel safe around an Argentinian person or an Albanian. Okay, great. Or someone under 5'10". Love it. Let's move on.

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You're like, bitch, I'm not going down on this sinking ship with you. Goodbye. People that are so sensitive about words. Like clearly you haven't been through enough. If you're that fucked up over a little word. Like when people say the word faggot, okay. I could never. But okay, but because you're gay. You can have a pass. Because you're gay. I mean, that completely changes it. But like when people say it, I'm not like super offended. You're not? No. It's like if you call me that in a derogatory way.

I'm probably going to hit you. But like, if you are just like throwing it around and something's funny, like, oh, a little faggot or something like that. I'd be like, eh, I'd be throwing it around. Okay. So if it's your friend, it's whatever. What about, because I, so my best, best friend in New York, John, he's been on multiple episodes. People, my OG listeners know him.

I will feel like I need to say my gay best friend when I'm describing him to someone. And I've heard that that really bothers people too. I honestly think it bothers him. Would that bother you? Okay, so my whole thing behind this is like when people introduce me or I'm meeting someone, my sexuality is kind of my business. And I'm a chameleon with it. So like if I want someone to know, I will let you know. But if I don't want you to know, I'm not going to like...

Just out with it. Like when you go in certain social situations, people do treat you different if you're gay. So if I feel it's uncomfortable or it's a lot of like straight men around, I'm not putting that out there. If I want to, I will. But when people just walk in, oh, this is my gay best friend.

Fuck. Like you just blew my cover. It's kind of a crazy concept, really. Yeah. But a lot of people, it's like if you walk in with makeup and shit, they know. Yeah. But like someone like me, it doesn't piss me off or make me mad. I'm just like, okay, I can't navigate the room the way I wanted to.

That is a very valid point. It's kind of crazy to think about it. You're basically saying someone's sexuality in front of their fucking name before they even show up somewhere. That's kind of outlandish. But I know a lot of girls do it, like especially my friends. They'll do it when like a guy they're interested in is around or something like that. Because you see me walk in fee-fi-fo-fum with your girl. Every man is like...

I'm going to, what the fuck are you doing? And you are fully cheating on me for sure. I've fucked up so many relationships between my friends because they don't believe that I'm gay. I'm like, do I need to fuck you so you believe me? This is the thing. This is the thing about that. It doesn't matter, you know, what kind of gay you are.

Every dude that I have dated, every single one of them has gotten extremely jealous over my relationship with John like the Bible. Shout out. And I thought it was just like an insecurity. Like they can't honestly believe I'm fucking him or do straight dudes actually think that's what's going down.

I'm talking to you like you're, I mean, maybe you know. I feel like there's a lot of reasons, but I think just the way that I am, you'll get this culturally. Okay. Like if I was straight and we're dating, any other man, I don't care who it is being around you.

It's going to make me a little like on edge or on guard or something like that. I don't know what it is, but it's like even if I'm dating a dude and I'm gay, like I'm dating my little boyfriend, whatever, and there's any other guy around him, I'm still just going to be on guard. True. Like straight or not. If I'm dating a guy, I don't want him around women, lesbian or straight. I don't want him around gay men.

I don't want him around. Don't talk to nobody but me. Actually. No, but I feel that. I totally feel that. I get that. But it's not that I don't want you to hang out with these people and be around these people. It's just I'm just going to be a little bit more on edge. So I'd prefer like –

We limit those interactions. Yeah. I think that's like, we're going to get canceled. I'm like, Nick Faze-y. I will absolutely edit this and I hope this footage goes nowhere but my inbox. I'm giving this high five. Everyone, everyone in the studio just picked up their drink and took a sip out of it. We're going to get deep. We're going to do a crazy segue right now.

You put out this YouTube video and you talked about trigger warning. This episode is going to be called Trigger Warning. Perfect. I should have already said it 58 times, but here I go. You put out this YouTube video talking about suicide and trauma.

And there's this quote, and it's so profound. I'm going to read it. Of mine? Yes. You are very Aristotle over here. Relax. Okay. You said, the only reason you haven't acted on it yet, and this is in reference to suicide, the only reason you haven't acted on it yet, if you've been thinking about it, is because a part of you so desperately wants to live. Chills, I think that is...

Such an interesting, you know, way to think about it. I think we should first discuss the difference between suicidal ideation and wanting to commit. I mean, what is suicidal ideation? Like, how would you describe it for people?

Ideation is like the thoughts are there, but there's no like intent or like forward moving action with it. Like they're just thoughts are just present. This is like my opinion. I don't know like a technical term. Yeah. Like ideation is like the thoughts are running around in your head. And then. Tendencies or like actions to me. I think yes. But I mean, that's how I think of it too. And why did you decide to put out that YouTube video?

And be so public about it. Because when I was going through that period, like all the things I talked about in that video, it's age restricted, it's demonetized. Like you, I didn't care because I was like, this just needs to be out. But like I talked about real. Oh, I watched it. I talked about some fucked up shit. Like where you actually get mentally. And I found it to be

so refreshing. I know I don't want that to sound weird. You know, you talking about the darkest time in your life. I want to kill myself too. But you've hit those points. But someone to talk about it in such a vivid, real, genuine, detailed way, because there's there's shame around it. People don't want to admit that they're feeling sad. We're always trying to, you

you know, make everyone think like we are the happiest person ever. It's fucking exhausting. And, you know, I just admire you for that. Thank you. But in the video, yeah, you talk about it in a very real way. You were in a very dark place in your life. And I think a lot of people have been there or maybe will be or are in it right now. And what got you out of it? Like, how did you like crawl yourself out of that hole?

So I want to hit the question you said first about like why did I post it? And it's because when I was going through that, I felt like I could relate to no one about the way that I felt. I felt like no one got it. When you look online, nothing even touches the way I was truly feeling. So I wanted to post a video and show like the truth of it. Because like everyone that's watched that has been like, thank you. Because like that's the first piece of content online that like describes the way you feel.

So accurately because I know because I was there. Yeah. But people love it. But that's why I posted it. But what got me out was kind of like if you watched it, like the end part where I felt like going through what I went through that got me to that point. I was hunting for answers and looking for the help that I needed and no one could help me. Like I would go to therapists, counselors. They'd look at me and be like, I don't know what to tell you. Like I can't help you. Sorry. Like I couldn't find help anywhere. A therapist would tell you that? Yeah.

They're like, I can't like the sessions over by. They literally be like, is there anything else you want to talk about? Or like, what can we do? Because I don't know how to help you with these different areas. And it's like, I would throw what I was going through at the time with my ex and then what I was feeling and then what's going on with my career and like how my life was being destroyed. How do I cope with it? They couldn't tell me how to handle any of it. They're like, I don't know.

Like I wouldn't know where to begin. Because like you tell me how to handle one thing and it contradicts the other or makes it worse. But there's no one that could juggle it all. Yeah. So like I couldn't find –

the answers. So I just had to live through it. And that's terrifying when you feel hopeless to go to, you know, a professional or someone that you think will be able to help you and they can't. Yeah. But I, I totally understand. But no one being able to help or like give me any insight, like just by living through it and being in that day to day, like I learned

how to like help myself. And I learned like all the answers I needed basically by going through it. And then the thing that like got me out of it was like, I was learning things that made it better. And I was like, okay, I still just felt too damaged. Like I felt too fucked up. I was like, there's no point. And like continuing forward. Like I understand now how to fix it. And I understand like the true impact of like what's been done to me and like where I'm at mentally. It's like when something's burnt to ash, just leave it.

Like, why are you going to try and rebuild it? That's how I felt. I was like, I'm too far gone. I know how to do it, but like, there's no point. And then I like had this night where I was like, gonna do it. And I felt like so guilty because I was like, I now have all the answers I couldn't find. How like fucked up is that for me to just die with it in me? Like I felt this guilt for not sharing it. Like if I'm too far gone, I can at least help people before they get to that point.

And then by sharing it, it like healed me. - I love that. - In a weird way. - I don't think it's weird at all. I think I was watching it and I felt emotional.

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How did you find the answers? Because I remember when I was watching the video, you...

basically got to a point where you had decided that you were going to end your life. It was decided and you were just kind of going through the motions, right? How did you find the answers as you say it? So everything that you see and like you try and read or like everything therapists tell you, it's like it...

Seems like it makes sense. But when you try to apply everything everyone's told you to what you're going through and it doesn't work, it makes sense that it doesn't work. That's not the answer. It doesn't mean you're helpless. It means turn in a new direction. Look for a new thought process. Look for a new perspective. Look for a new anything. Like if you are analyzing a situation and you see like no way out,

There is a way out. You're just not seeing it. Yeah, and it's like people get caught cuz they'll like I wish I could give you an example It's like a big thing that I dealt with was feeling betrayed by so many people in my life and like I had that perspective of like just looking at it like people betrayed me until I revisited Situations where I felt betrayed and looked at it from the opposite perspective How might their intention not have been to hurt me? I opened up to the world of like

So many people weren't actually intentionally hurting me. That's just how I perceived it. And it sets you free from that pain. But then you have that guilt of like, you thought it was a betrayal, but like it wasn't. And you cut this person off or you hurt this person back. But like just the whole point about revisiting experiences, seeing a new perspective, it like

It's like all the pain kind of like pops off Mm-hmm And it's like it just starts unfolding the more you do it like the more you revisit the more perspectives you see Yeah, it's just kind of like all the pain and all the things that led you to that dark point You it's like when you turn around and face them all like how you got there It makes sense like if you're suicidal it makes sense why you feel suicidal and that's one thing people don't say like it makes total sense why you would want to like

Opt out of the pressure you're under and the pain you're in makes total sense Now let's look back on what happened to get you here And then you revisit the meanings behind each thing and your perspective on each thing And it like pops like all the pain off of each thing and then you turn back around you're like, whoa Like life's different that was fucking good That is you know, I think a lot of people I know me trauma You know from my past

I spent a long time pretending it wasn't there and being unhappy and not knowing why because it was – because it's painful. It's painful to sit there and think about and work through all of the things that have happened that have caused you pain.

And so I would just try to shut it off. The thing is, is you can't heal that way. I mean, in a way, you can – it can be like a defense mechanism, right? And it protects you. But at a certain point, you have to face it and work through it in whatever way that is. But there was another thing that you said that just hit home, right?

You said that trauma will continually show up. It doesn't just go away. Am I butchering what you said? But it was, that was kind of what you were getting across. Yes. Like it'll revisit you. I will sometimes have past trauma creep up.

And I get very frustrated and angry at myself because I think, how the fuck are you not over it already? Why are you still? Like, it's time to move the fuck on. And I got upset. What are some things that happen that you tell yourself, this means you haven't moved on? Just that...

Someone said something or I saw something that triggered the trauma, made me think about it, and I get sad or it offends me and puts me back in that place a little bit or makes me extremely self-doubtful, self-critical. Was that your question? Kind of, yeah. I go off. That is. That makes me upset because I think to myself –

How long are you going to let this, it doesn't dictate my life, but how long are you going to let it creep in in any way that it does? And if that wasn't English, I will absolutely read it. There's two things I kind of want to point out. Okay. So like one is like how to stop doing that, but also you getting mad at yourself when something hurts you.

is kind of like a control tactic because if things just happen in life and you can't control them when you get hurt by it if you say this shouldn't hurt you you have to stop letting this hurt you it gives you a sense of control yeah does that make sense yes yes so like everybody's always looking for control in things so I guess just one thing I just wanted to say but

The way that I kind of like look at trauma revisiting you, it's not that. It doesn't mean you aren't over it. It doesn't mean you haven't healed. It doesn't mean that you're immature or you're dumb or like you're weak. I look at it as a chance to learn something more about it. So like when you experience a certain trauma in your life, you're like walking down this path, you can't go back. So like if you hit it at this point and you keep walking,

Then something else happens that makes you feel the same way again. It's not your first time experiencing it It's a whole new situation your you you have a chance basically to get so much more awareness about this and to heal even further basically The trauma that happened to you has now kind of set up this framework for how you're gonna interpret and take things in in the future So there's no reason for me to get upset

right? That like something triggers me. It makes sense why you get upset though. Yeah. But no, I think that's such a good point. You're saying it's a completely different situation, but something that has happened to me in the past. So I'm going to take that situation in a different way than I would have if I didn't experience that trauma. Does that make sense? I get what you're saying. It's not like,

Like when you have the experience the first time, I want you to realize like you learned a lot from it. And then when you move forward again and you have a situation happen, a different situation, or it could be the exact same, which is a different circumstance. It is not the same experience. It's the same feeling. And it's like you're getting another chance to like learn something else about it. But like the first time you learned, like the first time you experienced it,

You learned everything about it. It's like you're more equipped and you're actually a lot stronger and smarter the second time you face it. It's just building your skills and your ability to handle things with that same kind of feeling state. Like you look at it as an opportunity and not a setback because it's you're walking forward. You can't go back. It's not the same thing.

I love you. I really do love you. I'm like, I'm taking that with me. And there is no reason if I feel triggered that I should look at it. I make matters worse by beating myself up over it when it's a learning experience. Yeah. If you're triggered by something, look at how it makes sense that this would bother you. Yeah. Like when someone says something,

It's normal to get upset when someone like just attacks you. Yeah. So like is you're attacking yourself or having a very normal reaction? I know. I know. Well, thank you for the therapy session for me. Call me anytime. But I do. I think, you know, a lot of people, almost everyone has past trauma. Everyone does. So I think a lot of people can relate to that. And thank you for sharing that.

See, you guys thought that we were just too hot, like surface level, no substance, ignorant hoes. But look at us. Oh, that's too far. We might surprise you. And I think we just did. Leo, Leo, Leo. Did you buy your Kellys?

My Kelly bag. I bought my Kelly. I didn't buy the Birkin or my Chanel's. You shouldn't have to buy that. I shouldn't have to. I'm pissed I bought that Kelly. I'm going to make the next guy I date buy it back. I'm going to make him buy it from me, wrap it up, and present it to me. I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear to God.

Okay, let me just come down back to planet Earth. Leo, thank you so much for coming on. You are as gorgeous as you are intelligent, insightful, and hilarious. Thank you. Where can everyone find you and listen to you? Okay, so my podcast is called Aware and Aggravated. I have video versions on YouTube, and then the audio is on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. TikTok, I just be posting funny shit on there. My TikTok is Leo Skeppy. My

My Instagram is the Leo Skeppy. And then I just joined Snapchat because they finna run me a fucking bag. Snapchat's the best. I only post on Snapchat now. I love it. And it's just, it's so, Instagram, you have to be curated and cute and Snapchat. I will, I'll post my pussy on there. Okay, Leo. I'll post mine too then. Okay, Leo. Sleuths, thank you so much for listening. I love you guys and I'll be back next week. Bye. Bye.