Canal Street Legend ft. Kiana 01:07:54

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Hi everybody, welcome to Sophia with an F. Thank you so much for joining me and my soon-to-be-introduced guest, but not really a guest, but you'll understand very shortly. I'm recording from WTF Media Studios in New York, not LA, but they do have an LA location that I will be checking out at some point. Merch. I'm rocking it right the fuck now. How cute is this?

I wasn't ready. I'm sorry. When your own fucking like business partner fucking on the team bestie does not respond to that. I kind of forgot you were already going. I'm so used to being around you while you're recording that I'm not a part of it that I'm just like she's doing her thing. Like I forgot I'm here. No. Oh.

Okay, guys. Well, you know, I'm going to give you a little bit of leeway because it is the holidays. And this merch is cute. Period. There's no question mark. It is cute. Sandra Martinelli, the color. You like gave this A-okay before we even used it. Yeah, I mean, I don't have any of it, but we'll get there.

No comment on my end. Okay. Oh, what else? What's the last announcement before we jump in? Last episode before the break. Yes. So there won't be an episode next week. I'm leaving for Argentina.

I can take over if you're interested. I would love to see you do a one-man show. Do you think you could do it? Probably not. That shit is fucking hard. I used to stream on Twitch. Would you talk to people? Yes. With the headset on? I would be playing, and I would get viciously angry, like screaming. I mean, I've seen you drive a car, so I'm not... Why does everyone say that? Because you're out of control. Okay. Okay.

What else? Yes, I'm going to Argentina. I'm going to be there for the World Cup. That's fire. Right? Are you going to any games? No. I mean, they're in Qatar. That was the dumbest thing I've ever said. Oh, no.

You said you're going to be there for the World Cup as in it's there. I totally forgot it's in Qatar. Yes, it's in Qatar, but it will still be fucking wild to be in Argentina. I have a Messi jersey you could wear. Did you get that before or after me? I've had it for like years. So you've always been a Messi fan. He's just like one of the best athletes on earth. It was actually given to me by one of my friends. Like they were like getting rid of shit out of their closet. And I think they had a bunch of Messi jerseys. Okay, well, so you're rooting for...

I don't really have a dog in this fight. The loyalty. It's like it's really coming through. It's actually funny because there's no time on Earth that I will be more patriotic than the World Cup. Like I'll be watching the U.S. team like, fuck, yeah. Like we as if I support anything that goes on in this country. Yes. That's the only that's the only sport I can watch really and understand and get invested.

No, actually, basketball can keep me entertained. Football, no. Baseball, no. Baseball games are only fun to go to. Hockey, no. Hockey, they fight. Yeah, but... And they let them. It's like WWE. Like, I think they're faking it.

Every fucking pro hockey player. Have you seen, they like lose teeth and like blood down their face. Oh yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. But soccer, I never get bored and I feel like they're fucking hot as shit. That's like one athlete I would be a clout chaser for. 100%. Like a European one though, not like an MLS player. No offense. Absolutely. I mean, Cristiano Ronaldo. I mean...

Oh my I know he's married but like the things I would let him do to me Have you seen like the work he's gotten done? Plastic surgery wise Like the before and after is crazy I mean he's definitely gotten his teeth done obviously but that's fine Okay veneers Yeah like who doesn't? Me I mean me too You I don't have $60,000 for porcelain veneers Yes Maybe the holiday bonus will come in handy

And I can get them. Okay, but what else has he gone done? Did he get a nose job? I mean, maybe it's some aging. He lost weight and got older. Me? Look at his nose. My nose looks completely different than it did five years ago, and I did not get a nose job. Well, Alex is convinced you've gotten a nose job, and, like, you won't tell anyone. I would. Why wouldn't I? I know you would tell. It's just funny that Alex has this theory that she will die by. And, like, she's your cousin. She is.

She knows for a fact that I don't But she just says it to be funny It's her smear campaign And then it makes me look really bad Because it makes me look like I'm a fucking liar And I'm like, you're my cousin What? He definitely got a nose job Ooh, okay, because it was a little slanted And now it's straight And then I guess he just got older I mean, he has good veneers There's nothing worse than bad veneers Like, nothing Give us an example of someone like that Like, Doug Dimadone, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimadome Wait, I

You know, like on Toy Story that like you can wind up that little mouth and it just goes like this. That's literally like what he looks like. Like it's just like a row of teeth. Okay, well, this has been fucking incredible. Just really getting into it for the holidays. The holidays. Yeah.

We're not even going to get into that yet because we have a big, big segment ready and waiting for you guys. But yes, I'm going to Argentina. I already said that 7,000 times. Last week's episode with Yachty. It was great. I'm famous now.

I thought I thought it was fucking incredible And thank you for linking us up Of course Because Two favorite people Really? Most days Have you noticed Anytime she says anything kind It's really

Really no way Yeah you have deep rooted issues But also See there it goes I knew it wouldn't go on too long Hating is like my form of We talked about this last week Or you guys did I'm not getting into this But it's a form of love I don't know if it's a black thing or what But like If I really don't like you There really just wouldn't be any Then you'd be cordial

Yeah. If Kiana's cordial with you, it's like... There's nothing there. Like, she is not a fan. Like, no one makes fun of me more than Bo. Mm-hmm. And... Guys, if you're in the inner circle, you do call him Bo, by the way. I typically call him by his name. But, like...

But him and my dad. Like, my dad will just come in my room and harass me when I'm home. Okay, so my family, we're the same way. But I think that, you know what it is? It's because we're, if we were just friends, then it would be like, whatever. We will battle. We will battle.

Kiana will come back at me and be like what do you want to be surrounded by a bunch of yes people Sophia is that what you want I'm like no I don't I just want you to be nice to me these people are gonna think I like bully you like actually bully you I mean okay it's you know what it's our communication style we just communicate differently yeah you it works

I mean, for you, 100%. It does work. At the end of the day, it does really work. But if you want to reel it back even a tiny little bit, like, I would not be upset at all. I'll work on it. No. But you know what? There's shit I do as well. I mean, you have to kind of be like that with me because...

I'm a little bit of a basket game. We had to reel you in. Right? Like, if I was, like, just so nice all the time, I don't know, like, we might have 12 episodes max in two years.

like max it would be like a hbo special like edition once every so often it's so fucking true i mean it's gotten a lot better we talked about this the last time i was on we did i think i think we kind of talked about like from the beginning to now and like how things are like now we like we know she will record yeah once upon a time i would like give it up to god like i hope yeah like that's crazy she would send audio and like

two minute increments. Like I recorded like a part of a segment. I'm like, what? And I'm like doing arts and crafts, putting it together. Like this is crazy. Now you can bang out a whole episode. - We have come so fucking far. Holy shit. I remember that. - Like it would be like a Dropbox, like 82 files. - Five minutes at a time. Five minutes. I record five minutes at a time for an hour long episode. - And then like, she'll be done with her five minute recording and you'll hear her be like,

Like, just so stressed. Oh, and it would take me a full two hours to even press record and actually go. I would press record, welcome to So Few Then F, turn it off. Like, I can't, just this is too much. I can't, holy shit. You know what, Sleuths? We want you included in the whole fucking process. Our workflow process. It's so big. How would you describe it? I feel like now...

We're out of space. And you are out of space. Like I said, you can bang a whole episode out. And I hate even talking about this in a certain way because...

people listen to this and people think what you do isn't hard. Like, oh, you just get to talk for a living and like make all this money. Like it's not easy. Like there's a reason why people make very successful livings off this. I mean, even going back to days of like radio hosts and stuff, like it's not easy. If everyone can do it, they would do it. Right. You know, so it's not easy. But I mean, we're definitely in a place where like, like it's going to be fine. Also, I'd like to say for since she's tarnishing me. What are you talking?

I'm just hating because we're friends remember right there's but I'd like to put it out there Sophia's been my lock screen for months months I don't make men I date my lock screen none of that oh sorry I went away but you get it for everyone who can't see the visual because you're not subscribed so you absolutely should subscribe to the YouTube because I think I'm way more entertaining on video to be honest absolutely vlogging is your new career oh we can get into that in a second holy shit

Her background on her phone, it's not like us arms around each other, bestie. It's not like a childhood pic. It's my mugshot where I look fucking atrocious. I think we're cute. Compare that nose to mine now. I mean, you just look a little swollen. I mean, you obviously had a rough night. Well, and I think I've lost a lot of weight. Well, fuck yeah, I had a rough night. Which arrest was this?

I get them confused. I think maybe that one. Oh, that's when they put me. I'm in a jumpsuit, right? I'm an orange. That was the crazy time where I was actually booked in. Like a felon. Bend over and cough. Took all of my hair out. Did that feel invasive? Did I feel...

uh violated i guess everyone has to do it so it's whatever but i felt that i i felt very violated because the crime but what the fuck is it the time the crime do the crime gotta do the time

Something like that. Whatever the fuck it is. What's the longest you've spent in jail? Like, I feel like it's a quick in and out stint. Well, that's if you're doing like drunk. That's if you're doing drunk tank shit. I was booked in. I think I was in there for 72 hours. Did you make any friends? Yeah, I did. Yes, I did. You kind of gravitate like towards your people. And what was your click? There was...

- Like, where did you fit in? - There was this girl, okay, well, there was one lady and right off the bat, she said she was in there for murder. - Gang, I would have been right with her. - So she had your back? - Yeah. - Well, right before I was booked in. - She's clearly not scared of shit. - No, but this is the thing, right before I was booked in,

I had to sit in this waiting area with this other lady that was about to be booked in. And it was definitely not her first time. And I was like, I'm really scared. Was it yours? This was my first time actually going to jail. Jumpsuit, handcuff. Don't know what I'm leaving. Oh, also, you don't even have phone numbers. Think about it. You like get booked in there. Like I had to call the bail bondsman guy because they have flyers. I'm like,

Please, sir, I can't get ahold of my family. I don't know how to get out of here. No one's listening to me.

- Underage drinking people. But I'm just gonna hurry and wrap this up. The lady told me before going in, she gave me some advice and she said, - Some pointers. - She said, do not go in there and start telling everyone what you're in there for. You keep that shit to yourself. - Why? I feel like, yeah, that's a thing if like you're in there for like pedophilia, 'cause like everyone in jail like doesn't fuck with people who fuck with kids. But like, what did you do that was so bad? - Well, maybe if I said underage drinking then,

They'll know that they can take advantage of me. They're like, oh, it's a little bitch. I mean, you're also like 98 pounds soaking wet. Oh, yeah. Okay. So let's talk about Christmas for a second because it's in, what, 10 days? I have not purchased one present. I am not getting you anything, by the way. I would just like to read a conversation that was had recently.

And Kiana has no idea that I'm about to read this. This is a conversation that was had between Kiana, me, and the rest of the Sloom Media team last night. I'm frightened. Okay?

I do. Because I have no idea what you're talking about. So this is when the episode where we just got done editing. We are just getting like the title and description together. Yada, yada, yada. And I send this text message in the group that I said, speaking of Christmas, I want to do a trip for all of us. But with all the insanity, I don't know when that will happen. Okay.

And then I was planning on doing a follow-up of what presents do you guys want? I was thinking this, this, and this. But Kiana hurried and cut me off. And in all caps says, please, before we get into any of this, title and description in all caps. Dude, read this shit. I'm a woman on a, man on a mission. I,

to post this and it's not like yes i understand you're being responsible but i i was getting stressed out because we were we were going back and forth about this description not even like the description the wording of it fucking quotation marks exactly why i was like we can have a little convo about i was about to spiral i was like please please just get it done i'm begging

Well, you know what? That is part of the creative process. And how does Yachty fucking do it? Since you help him on his podcast, how much better is he? I actually told Sophia this.

He's very easy because in the beginning I didn't really know how to approach it also because it's like when you have like a whole other relationship with someone and then you start working together also it's like they're two different things so I would kind of approach things lightly like what do you think about this what do you think about this and I think in the beginning he was like cool with it or whatever just to be nice and then like at one point he was like I don't care

I put you in this position for a reason. I trust you. Just tell me where I need to be, what time, and we can get it going. By the way, Kiana's leaving Slew Media to go work for him. That is just not the case. The other night, for like four hours...

From like 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. I had to sit here and convince Sophia that nothing is changing. I'm still not convinced, by the way. And she thinks we're just going. And Delaney, shout out Delaney, she is...

A wag now. Yes. With her man that plays for the Raiders and they're really cute. So she is also leaving. Sophie has been spiraling like she's getting married. You're moving on to here. I'm like, please. I really have fucking issues.

So Delaney was here in New York and told me about her relationship. And I said, I'm so happy for you. She was maybe going to move to New York. Ultimately decided no. She wants to stay in Vegas with him. And I looked at her and I was like, okay, and you guys are going to get married and you are going to be pregnant sooner rather than later. And I just, I told her this, I told her this.

Over the dinner table, I said, just promise me one thing before you leave. Just make sure that you find, like, a replacement or someone and just don't leave me high and dry. And she looked at me and was like, I... All I said was, I have a boyfriend now. Like...

insane behavior is that how i was with you too yes like you're leaving leaving me high and dry i'm like what the fuck is going on like go have fun with fucking yachty go do whatever the fuck you're gonna want to do over there like yeah insane i have abandonment issues is that our cross to bear yes because i feel like we fight your fights with you every week

Like, weekly. You know what? It's yours. Your demons are in there, too. They just come out differently. Instead of looking at things like, wow, like, okay, this is great, like...

- No, but I'm so happy and so positive. - Working with this person, like this'll help us in this way. Or like, maybe I can go to a game with Delaney and like find a man or like whatever. No, it's just automatic worst case scenario. And I get it, don't get me wrong. I understand it. It's just like, it's funny. - I feel like a super possessive boyfriend. Like you're mine. Like I own you. Like that type of shit. - Literally, you can't wear that. - Yeah, you're not wearing that shit.

Yeah. No, it's not that I'm insecure or that I don't want you guys to thrive. I just, I think...

I'm ready at any moment for someone to peace the fuck out and I understand that hi dad where are you not here not available I think that's probably where it comes from and I think it's funny just because I know I'm not going anywhere so that's why I kind of like at this point just let her do her thing because it's like that's what she's done I'm still gonna be here that's what my dad said before he did he did he really he left for milk and never came back

No, my mom asked him if he wanted to see me as a baby. And he was like, nah, I'm good.

I mean, like, I guess if I was going to be a piece of shit father, if I can, like, put myself in that mental state. I imagine it would be easier to do that never seeing the kid. The fact that you're standing up for my non- I'm not standing up for him. Absolutely not. Sperm donor. But I did meet him. That's nice. I met him in high school. Met me.

still was like, not good. - Wasn't feeling it. - That's some abandonment shit right there. - Wasn't feeling it. - But I mean. - I mean, maybe he just felt your vibes were off. - Yeah, for all those kids out there who are adopted or your dad left you or your mom, like there's something. - Maybe it's you. - It's your vibe, okay? It's your fucking vibe.

Your vibe attracts your tribe and you're not doing it correctly and we gotta work on ourselves. I mean, I want to reconnect you with your father. Absolutely not. But if you are watching, you owe me, excuse me, my mom child support. Thank you before you slide into my DMs. Pay up, fucker. You know, Justin Bieber's dad did something like that. Like he was like nowhere to be found. I mean, like maybe he knew him and then like he blew up and.

Okay. So that's like, that's going to be the measure of my success. Like I'll know I fucking made it when my dad comes like flying back in. For sure. But I feel like if he didn't by now, it's just like, he's just over it. He's not interested. Does he have other kids? Uh-huh. Does he like fuck with them or? Who knows? I think he does fuck with them.

The way we're talking about this, does he fuck with them? Like, are they cool? No, like, you mean, does he raise them and love them? Yeah, like what he should be doing? Does he fuck with them? Yes, I believe he does. I wonder if they know I exist. What if they're fans? What if they look like me? What if they're, like...

11 out of 10 beauty queens i'd be fucking furious i mean you're beautiful i would like imagine it's like on some like adriana lima shit no no no no no no i'd be like oh my god let's reconnect and then i would meet them and i'd be like absolutely no photos will be taken this is not fucking happening we should you know the trip you want to go on that should be the trip we should take a salute to spain and track him down and vlog it

11 out of 10 content. Always working. Oh my God. Me reuniting, not even reuniting, meeting up with my sperm donor. We could do it like Jerry Springer style. Like I'll run behind him with the camera. And I just knock on the door and he opens it. I mean, I know what he looks like. He probably knows what you look like. There's going to be a whole, I mean, I can understand Spanish. So it'd be like a whole language barrier. We'll have a translator. Translator.

- Duh. - We'll find one. - That vlog would go wild. - Maybe it'd be like really emotional. - Would. - Put some music behind it. - What about his kids though? Is that fucked up? His wife doesn't even know I exist. I'm like surprise. - Yes. - And this is going on YouTube. - Yeah, I mean, but think about, I mean, so many people have like secret families.

Yeah, but they stay secret. I think it's when once they come out. We're like publicizing it. I mean, fuck it. He put you through enough turmoil. Yeah. You could benefit from a couple hundred thousand views on his behalf. Yeah. There's a couple hundred thousand dollars. I know that he did not offer up. Exactly. So that's the least. Damn. I can't wait to link up with him later. Vibes only. And then over to dad's house. I fucking love it.

But your dad is what every father should be. I get emotional around you and your dad. My dad offered Sophie a comforter the other day when she was at my house really late. And you would have thought he rolled out a red carpet and bowed down to her. I was like, it's a blanket. I lost my mind. I was like, your mom would do the same. I lived in your house for like two months. My mom would...

My mom would not do that. My mom is the best mom. Yeah, she's great. But she's not like a domesticated, let me get you the comforter. Your house is very nice and put together. Okay, but for a father to be like, oh my God, let me lay out the bed and let me get this comfort. I didn't even know that shit existed. We're like eight tequila shots deep in the basement. I totally know what you mean. And this topic, I was at Sophia's house the other day.

And I was like, oh, look at these shoes I got. And my thing is I don't like spend my own money, which is something we advocate for here on this show. There's always someone else, a man, a father, whatever.

A 60-year-old man. Whomever it may be. Get it how you live. But they were these really cute Alexander Wang heels and these Dolce & Gabbana heels. So cute. Apparently, they're canceled. I don't fucking know. But the shoes were cute. Not, like, on some Balenciaga shit. But, like, I don't know. Anyway. Your dad got them for you. Yeah. Like, everything nice I have on this earth, for the most part, is from him. Or my mom. My mom has a really good job, too. But, like, I've never...

My budget goes to vapes. And I pay my rent. I do pay my rent. Okay, Kiana's work ethic and business savvy is ridiculous. Like, you are extremely smart. You are spoiled as fuck. Like, I've never seen. Like, because how old are you? 26? I just turned 26. Do you call him daddy?

Yeah. He's in my phone. Oh my God. When you need to get what you want. No, because I feel like I don't say anything to him now at this point. But if I'm like calling for him, like he's in another room, I'll probably just call him on the phone. But like, yeah, he's in my phone as like daddy parentheses personal because it's like his personal phone. That is... It's also been that way for like 100 years. I haven't changed it. Does anyone give you shit for that? I feel like no. No one sees it. I don't know. I've never... No one's ever made a comment about it. I feel like everyone that just knows me knows me and my dad are like...

Locked in so it's just like yeah, like we're like Gangers like literally yeah, and he's also like my biggest bully also one of you know, you must have been really fucking cool like out the womb Yeah, I'll be sticking around vibes were on Learn anything from this people anyway Sophia goes

You don't like you have a sugar daddy, but not a real sugar daddy. Like in the sense of like, you know, old man seeking arrangements, having to give him actual sugar. Like that's weird. But yeah, like we'll go in a store and what my dad does, he just sits like he'll sit and I could go about my business and I'll bring whatever, like if there's shoes and whatever. And he's like, you like them? They fit? Yeah.

And then he's like, okay. I've seen him fall asleep in stores if we're in there for too long. And then he's like, just wake me up when you're done. Bob is, he has a cap at like how much you can spend. I mean, yeah, I'm older now. I don't know. I mean, I got my car. I'm older now. So like every year it's a little bit less. I pay my rent. And I think that's like, he's like, okay, like you're not just like, if I wasn't doing shit, like then I, yeah, he would be pissed. Cause even like right after I graduated college, he was on my ass.

ass i was like please relax so you decided to bring this up because to rub my because your non-existent father no because i think there's an interesting topic of daddy issues that people have and i think there's i mean there's probably all sorts of kinds and there's mommy issues with those are the worst but um i think there's at least an r there's like two different kinds

Abandonment issues Daddy issues And however that Manifests in your life And then I think you can have The best father in the world And have issues In the sense of like It makes you hard To like date people Kind of Because at the end Of the day I'm always like I don't give a fuck What you do What you don't do Like

i have like my dad's here like i don't need you to do for me so it kind of makes it hard it makes my tolerance very low so like you already kind of have that male figure yeah like that security kind of yeah i'm not looking for anything obviously i want a partner who's like on his and ideally has money and all that stuff but it makes my tolerance very low for like

And that doesn't mean I haven't been fucked up relationships because anyone who knows knows. But you're saying that like a negative. I feel like that's a positive. But I feel like it makes it hard to kind of date people or like people or men. Because you can be so picky. I feel like I'm not even that picky either. I feel like it's just like I'm like, you're a bitch. Like I just like I look at so many guys. I'm like, you're a bitch. Because you're measuring them up to your dad too? I think subconsciously. Yeah, this sounds like some real Oedipus complex shit. Like you want to fuck your dad. That's fine.

Moving on. That's disgusting. It's fine. Ugh. God. In the subconscious. That's so crippling. Not at the forefront. Do not...

That wasn't me. That was fucking Sigmund Freud. Was that Freud? I don't know. I mean, ed piss complexes are real. Like, guys want to, like, fuck their moms. I want to fuck my mom. What's the issue? How close of a cousin would you hook up with? Like, you know, Karen in Mean Girls? Oh, it was... It was her first cousin. You have your first cousin and then your second cousin? Like, no, no, no. That's... I wouldn't hook up with... They would have to be at least...

three times removed. And they would have to be incredible. You know, like if I found out Cristiano Ronaldo was my second cousin, I'm going to hop on that dick. I'm not even kidding. You wouldn't? Isn't second cousin kind of close? What is it? It's not your first cousin, but your second. No, but now I really feel like the girl from Mean Girls because now I'm like, wait, you have your cousin? Yeah.

And then your first cousin? I couldn't tell you what a second cousin is either. So it's your cousin's cousin. I just know it's too close for comfort. Your kids are coming out fine. Like that's, I feel like that's far removed enough. You're really proving that you're from Utah right now. For Cristiano Ronaldo, I'm not like standing up for it. Like, oh yeah, like, you know, if I fall in love with Joe Schmo, this is like different levels. Well, I know someone who was fucking their cousin. Okay, well, you're scaring me. Do I know them?

You actually just met them. And disclaimer, they didn't know at first. They didn't know. They met however they met. How? And they were fucking. They didn't know. A lot of people have big families, I guess.

they were like hooking up whatever like really vibing whatever they're hanging out one day like what are you doing this weekend like laying in bed whatever like what are you doing this weekend she's like I actually have to go to a family reunion and he's like oh shit me too that's funny didn't even go into details from there they saw each other at the family reunion nope no no god this is a true story on everything I love the

The craziest part about it is they kept fucking after. Because they were like, fuck it at this point. It's too far gone. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. It's a true story. I don't know how it ended. I don't know if eventually they were like, all right. That is... Once you're at the family reunion and you see your parents embrace and they are talking about growing up together and shit. I would have loved to see in their... It was probably the Spider-Man meme. That is...

That girl's pussy must have been like absolutely insane. Or I mean, maybe guys just like don't really care. I'm serious. They obviously didn't care because they kept doing it after. I don't know at what point they were like, we got to call it quits. I don't know. Men are pretty fucking disgusting. And like, it takes a lot for them to not. You would think cousins would be where you drew the line.

I mean, think about like the most popular porn. Step sister porn just because you're not allowed to say like cousin or whatever. Yeah, that's wild. They're disgusting. Yeah. You should not be working for anyone else but a woman. Just me and staying just with your gals. No one else. With your gals.

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Your cash back really adds up. Okay, well, this fucking episode took a turn. Incest is best. Can't wait for everyone. The holidays. Look at your cousins. Maybe they're like... That might be you've been having trouble dating. Yeah. They might be closer than you think. Right.

are no longer off limits and you heard it here first unless you're trying to have a kid then it has to at least be like your second or third cousin yes yes but if it's just like a little make out fuck oh a little fuck here and there it's whatever like we are primates we are animals at the end of the day do you think monkeys were like oh my god that's my cousin i'm related to that person no

you know they do say we're all related like at the end of the day somehow exactly if I pull up my 23 and me we're probably cousins 100 you are half black anyway did you do any Christmas shopping no Kiana you're not just gonna you're no you're not just gonna drop that and just like breeze past it you're transracial when you're like Rachel you're like Rachel Dolezal

Please. Excuse me. Did you see that documentary on her, by the way? No, but I need to watch it. She's an icon. It is incredible. It's incredible. When I was in high school, everyone needs to understand I don't think there's a state that is more white than Utah.

I mean, it's in the top three. For sure. There were two black kids that went to my school. Two. You were 0.5. And I made up, you know, half of that. No, but people were convinced that I was half black in high school. I think there were multiple reasons, but I think one of them is everyone's fucking white.

And... You'll post a photo of what you looked like because it wasn't just that. Kiana, can you just take it over before I say some shit, please? Because I'm not... You looked... You've had many phases. You are a woman of many phases. Yes. You had your Tila Tequila phase, which I think is still on your Instagram. Oh.

Your Jessica Simpson hair extensions. Oof. And then you had your half black face. I was in your house looking at family photos like, who is this? You're making it sound like Rachel whatever. It was not like that. Can you please explain? I don't even think it was like you getting ridiculous spray tans or putting on a black scent or anything like that. Like, you have something deep in you. I'm sure of it. I'm positive. God bless all the black people.

I saw the vlog people. That, okay, I understand what you're saying, yes. But what I was saying, and I don't know if you understood or like are hearing me, me showing up to that school and I was not, I'm white, right? Right now you're in your white face. But in comparison to them.

It wasn't as white. And I think we are ready to move on. I want to know what you got people for Christmas. Because I have some ideas of what people can get people. Okay, I love that. I haven't purchased one Christmas present. Are you going to? By the way, this is a side note. If your birthday is around the holidays, fuck you. It's the most stressful shit ever. Yeah, like if I have a kid one day who's born like December 23rd, I'll already know. Vibe's off. Mm-hmm.

vibes like completely fucking like you fucked up yeah are you a good gift giver i i'm really really good at coming up with great gifts but it's way too fucking time consuming yeah it's stressful when i'm a stay-at-home mom i'll be the bitch six months in advance thinking about fucking christmas that's how you have to think about this shit that's actually true absolutely not

But I would love to hear what presents you think would be good. I saw this thing on Twitter. Maybe this is something they do every year, but the Sephora, because it's always easy to do a perfume. Sephora Perfume Sampler. So it has like all these different perfumes in it, like whatever hot ones are. And then there's a certificate in it that you can return to the store for like a full size or like almost full size. I think that's a great gift. Wait, that's genius. That's a great, because zero thought. Right. Right.

The most annoying gift to receive is one that it just doesn't suit you. And that's why it's so scary to get someone cologne, someone clothes, like anything. Yeah, unless you really know the person. They said, like, you were in a store with them and, like, I really want these. I wouldn't fuck with clothes. Exactly. It's way too personal. So this perfume situation, you got to try them all. Yeah, there's, like, 10 in there. They get the minis. So, like, they still get those. And then they get a full-size one. Like, you can't fuck that up.

yeah so i think that's a great that's a great one i have just like some that i can throw out okay i think anything new in tech always the aura ring yeah you live and die by that i mean am i wearing it right now i i had to just knock it off because it was making me really very depressed but great gift but it's a great gift um you know the dyson air wrap

Did your dad get that for you too? Someone else got that for me, actually. Another daddy. Another kind of daddy. Got it. Now we're not even out here asking for the Chanel, the Dyson Airwrap. Well, because I see all these bitches on TikTok living their best, easy-busy, beautiful thugger girl life.

my dreams with this fucking Dyson Airwrap and I wanted to join in on the fun. So I got it and I used it a handful of times. Does it live up to the hype? Maybe because my hair isn't like super Caucasian. Maybe, maybe I don't know what I'm doing and maybe I get bored halfway through and I'm like, you know what? Fuck this. Well, you and I are extremely low maintenance. It would work great on your hair, but I bring this up to say not the Dyson Airwrap. There's a dupe, I guess, more or less. You know the company Shark? No.

They have like vacuum shit like that. Just like Dyson. It's like $200. I'm pretty sure it does everything the Dyson does. And it bends like the Dyson is one rod that you have to like whatever. Got it. It like bends. So like when you're diffusing, you do all this. I see it on TikTok all the time and it works just as good, if not better. If I knew that, I would have got that one instead. The Dyson is how much? It's like 500 something. No, it's like close to a rack.

That's absolutely insane. It's ridiculous. But I mean, their vacuums are like $1,200. So I actually did buy that vacuum. I know I saw it in your house. I invested in that. Rich bitch. And but now that I know there's a fucking shark version. Yeah, probably like half the price. Wow. Okay. No, that's what we should all be doing is getting dupes of everything.

yeah i use the fucking revlon blow dryer i hear that one's great it's like 20 something dollars i hear that one's great i mean they say like the best straightener and curling iron is like your one from like sally's in the eighth grade that you're still holding on to somehow yes my straightener i've had forever and that thing has been around the world and back shout out to that thing that's a really good gift idea

away luggage this is not an ad even though they do sponsor the show brie told me about this my friend brie it's the luggage it like rolls around all great and like you know the kind of stuff that feels good when it's rolling yes you can you can literally sprint because obviously i have one like oh yeah you went down it doesn't it has the charging things in it right great gift yes luggage is always a great one for sure raya recommendation passes great gift

You can't give those out, but. Can I just say something side note? My mom gave me hers. And why is my mom on Raya? Because of me. But she, it's like the fucking. Circle of life. Circle of life came back to me. She gave it to me within seconds. Within five seconds, they said no. They probably have like your IP banned. There's got to be a way to hack and get in there.

This merchandise I think is the best gift if you listen to the show and your friend does also and it's it's fucking cute It is cute and it's really comfortable all the merch has always been, you know when I get it really comfortable

I've stolen merch. I do have the phone case though. Yes, you do. So that's a great gift. Lululemon has a workout mirror. Sorry, let me handle this. Yeah, holy shit. I'm like, Jesus. Okay, Lululemon has a workout mirror that's on sale right now. And it comes with like 30,000 classes apparently. It's like one of those like, I don't know, I guess cool mirrors that you work out in. I don't know, but I see it on TikTok. People are into it. And it's cheaper than that other one. Okay, because those are like kind of expensive, right? Yeah, this one's on sale.

I don't know what the full price is, but I saw it because I looked it up myself. Not for me to use, but just to see. It was like $700. They might be on sale for cheaper. But I mean, considering it comes with like 30,000 classes and this is not sponsored. This whole Christmas thing, we are not getting paid for one brand that we've shouted out. But if they would like to... Nintendo Switch. Nintendo Switch.

nicotine patch so you could stop vaping great no that is offensive that is fucking everyone who vapes lives in denial about vaping you hide that shit like when we sat down to record kiana was like oh my god i can't just be sitting here and vaping because we're like this shit is going up on youtube and i looked at her and i said kiana

There was a vlog that was released on YouTube last week where we're all holding our vapes and cheersing. It wasn't my most shining moment. But we really do that shit. Like we are internet. We hide it from guys. I remember at any time I meet a guy for the first time, I will only vape in the bathroom. I was just going to say you go to the bathroom and you're like.

yes hitting your crap oh my god wait has this ever happened you get a little too comfortable you hit it there's smoke they walk in you weren't expecting and you're like the worst wait wait and the worst i actually do want to quit maybe 2023 okay continue a spa gift certificate i feel like that's great for anyone that's always great girl whatever mango spas too i'm just giving you ideas for me

Okay You better redirect that to your dad Sweetheart I'll be here till next year Uggs are back in style Everyone's like super I mean I don't know if they really went out of style But like the platform mini ones That I was showing you the other day I feel like All over too They're sold out everywhere Yes

And I used to get shit on for my Uggs so hard and now they're the coolest thing. Yeah, that's how life works. I'm about to buy a new pair too. You are? I mean, they're just so comfortable. They are really comfortable, but I don't like the whole like sheepskin situation. Why? Because like... There needs to be, and I'm TMing this right now because this is my idea, a super cool...

cool fashion forward version of uggs that is vegan but it doesn't look like walmart shit there probably is but okay well they haven't marketed it correctly and i am ready to be your spokesperson um okay do you have any other ones apple air tag because if you're like me i lose my shit all the time i lose phones keys the vape you stick it on your vape

I lose everything. So I think that would be a great gift for someone who's anyone like me. Wait, so how does that work? Like how far can you be from the – because what was the one before the really popular tile? Yes, tile. So is this similar to that? Yeah, I mean it's Apple so like it goes with your shit and like sleek and, you know, Apple does their thing. I honestly don't know how far it can go but I do know when it first came out there was like that –

Big thing where like girls were apparently getting like tags put under their car or some shit. So if you got kidnapped.

Like the movie Taken. And you're taken across like to a different country essentially. I don't know if the AirTag works across international borders. Okay. But like if you leave your phone or wallets. People put them in their wallets. I know that. Like leave it in another room or something like that. It'll pop up on your like you'll be able to track it on your phone. Like so if you get a little too wild at the bar last night. You left it at the bar. It should pop up.

so it's a great you know great gift if you use it not for trafficking purposes or for finding your vape yeah yeah you know the important things 100 that's a great one molded dildo a molded dildo it's really personal are we giving this to like a boyfriend like a guy i mean wait wait wait i mean yeah actually you could or a mold of your vagina

what is that called pocket pussy yes that would be amazing yeah and you know what's actually kind of weird about the pocket pussies i heard this once i don't know if like linda the plug said it she might have said it on here i think maybe um that people are such freaks because the pocket pussies they're all the same on the inside but it's like the mold of like her vagina or like

Some other famous porn star. So you were really into that person. Well, yeah, right? So it just looks like their vagina. But the inside is just like whatever ridges they have in there. Every girl has the same hole. According to Pocket Pussy, I guess. Then what's the point? Because you think you're fucking...

Mia Malkova, however you say her name, is a vagina. I don't even know why I just asked that because I heard Lisa Ann's went off. That shit made so much money. That doesn't shock me. You should make one. I am going to make one and I'm going to make sure the hole is literally this big. Needle size. I'm going to make sure you can barely fit your dick in it and be like, that's just me. That's just me. I'm just so tight. So tiny. So tiny.

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Look how tiny my hands are. I fucking hate girls like that. The tiny girls. I think that's all the gifts I have. Look how big your jacket is on me. That wasn't you? No. Ever? Not like 14 football games on Friday night? Absolutely not. No. No. Absolutely not. Okay. Save it for the judge. Mm-hmm.

I think that's all my gifts. The iPad with the pencil. People are really into that right now. I don't know what arts and crafts they're doing, but people are into it. Yeah, I want to get on that iPad train. For what? What are you going to do with it? To feel important. That's literally what I think 90% of people have iPads for, just to look like they're doing something productive. Right. What is the point of an iPad? It's just a really big cell phone, right? I think the only reason people like Teslas is because there's an iPad in it.

I mean, I think there's a little more to it. Shout out Elon Musk, though. We really want you to come on. Elon, when I tell you I watched your interview on Full Send. We watched the whole thing. And when I tell you Kian and I were so wet, I was so unbelievably turned on. This is a public announcement for Elon.

And I'm really good in bed. Kiana, tell him. Amazing. So just slide into my DMs. And if that means like you can maybe like let us borrow a car. Yeah. And you can kick me off Twitter. I won't even be mad. She doesn't use it anyway. Put me in a cage. I just, I love you. Do whatever you want. Tie her up. Shout out. So if you're interested, feel free. I think we would make a really good couple, honestly. I think so. I think you guys will look really good together. You might be related. I'm sure related. And that's going to make the sex...

A hundred times better just means ten times kinkier.

Right, Elon? I love you, baby. Oh, skims. Yeah, I'm wearing skims right now, actually. That's always like because that's clothing that are basic essentials that every girl needs. And they work like they do work. I'll I'll give Kimberly that I will give Kimberly that. I don't own one pair of skims, but I want to. I have a few things. I thought you were just wearing them the other day. That was a little Amazon doopie doop. Probably. Probably. I'm very into the dupes. Very into, you know.

being being canal street legend yeah that's what you have to do you have to mix it up i still will rock a couple probably part of the raid back in like 2000 whatever i was what part of the raid when nypd shut down canal street your heart probably fucking shut the fuck up but that you gotta mix and match so people like you know like you throw them off

And the thing is, is that Canal Street shit will embarrass you at the worst moment possible. When I tell you I have this little Chanel backpack and the chain just like split. Also, I was buying, I spent like 500 bucks buying a bunch of shit off Canal Street in the dark. Okay, so it's time to go. Put it in an alleyway. Kinda, and it was super dark. I get home, I'm like, this gold is...

yellow i mean what were you expecting this embellishment your book this is like the c for chanel is fucking upside down like they do not if you're gonna go to canal street do not do it at night and when was the last time you like at this stage in your life wore some like had a war fake bag

it's been a while yeah like it's been a while like you're not doing that anymore although i don't do your thing whatever and to be honest so many of these high fashion brands shit like it this chanel bag that i have right here granted it's probably my fault i fucking swing it from the mountaintops when i go out the fucking chain broke i like tied it back together i was like let me go like bring it to get fixed never did they quoted me like 1200 i was like i'll get around to it they did they

It's expensive. And these Balenciagas I bought, these heels, well, I didn't buy. Daddy. Daddy. Like, two months ago. I've worn them, like, three times. When I tell you... And again, maybe this speaks about what I'm doing. Yeah, actually. But, like, the heel is destroyed. I have to get those fixed, too. So, I mean... Yeah. I mean, they say, like, high-end designer shit is being made same quality in the same factories. And they just slap a label on it. I mean...

Yeah, I mean, if you go on TikTok, the DHgate shorties, they're going crazy. I don't know what that is. It's like where people, it's like AliExpress, DHgate. Oh, okay. People are getting all their fake shit now. And like, I mean, I don't know. I feel like once you, I feel like you can always tell in person. Like, I feel like, but on TikTok, like.

I'm not saying I would ever do this just because I just feel like, I don't know. I don't care enough about material stuff to like, I want it that bad that I'm going to get a dupe. Like if I don't have it, I just don't have it. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I've never been that person. Yeah. But if that's what you're into, then whatever. DHgate, I guess. Go on TikTok. They're going crazy over there. DHgate. So is that like a website? Yeah. And it's like not like the dark web. I don't think. Like it's just, you can just go to it. It's.

It's not like... Yeah, they have an app too. And it's just all fake shit. You can find everything on there. I love how you compare it to the dark web. Like, what was it called? Silk Road. Oh my God. Do you remember that shit? Yes. What was that exactly? You could buy drugs. You could do anything. I think it still exists. I mean, the dark web definitely still exists. Oh, it still exists. And if you buy shit off there, you are dying from fun. All I can tell you that right now. Okay. Okay.

Merry Christmas. What a joyful episode this has been. Let's answer a couple questions and then we can depart from our lovely sleuths. But these questions are phenomenal. I'm excited. Okay. Hi, Sophia. Could you please leave me as anonymous?

i just wanted to leave that awkward pause just for fun yes of course have i ever used a name when reading these never ever ever okay i recently got a dui and i'm having a hard time bouncing back i feel like i hit rock bottom and it's really taken a toll on my self-esteem i love how you're not worried about any judgment and are self-confident enough to own your mistakes how

Have you always been this way or was that something you developed over time? Do you have any advice on getting past the shame and back on your feet? So this is a really good question. You fucked up and I think that people...

And obviously like DUIs are a very, very sensitive subject, right? Yeah, absolutely. Like, I mean, it sucks that that happened to you. Hopefully no one was hurt. Hopefully you weren't hurt. I don't condone any of that. No. But. Have you ever gone behind the wheel after drinking? You think I'm going to incriminate myself on this? I mean, in high school, like, yes, I think a lot of people have done that.

Absolutely. It's very common. Allegedly, people do that. Allegedly. Mm-hmm. But her question is about the shame. I mean, I don't know. I feel like that could be, like, such a deep question because I don't know what your family's like. I know if I got a DUI, my dad would be on my ass.

But like if I didn't hurt anyone or myself, you know, we got kind of their skate free. Mm hmm. The fees he would be. It's like ten thousand dollars. Yeah. That's where he would be like on my ass about if no one got hurt. Obviously, I mean, wildly irresponsible, all the above.

I don't know what her family's like like they might think she's Satan now uh yeah we don't we don't need to tell her that I think I mean I don't think you are I think that's what she's saying like the shame well like okay girly girly I am telling you right now this is something that I feel like this had to have been recent because you are not going to give a

in six months from now. It will be water under the bridge. You will never get behind the wheel after drinking alcohol. Oh yeah, she's traumatized. But you, this is not going to be something that will haunt you forever. And me owning my mistakes, like, what else are you going to do? This too shall pass, sister. And it's a big deal. DUIs are a big deal. But you made a fucking mistake and you can't live the rest of your life

Letting that mistake own you. Yeah, you can't let it define you. No. You know how many more people than you know have DUIs, girl? I promise you that. Yes. And then she said, okay, you're so self-confident. Not worried about any judgment. Yeah, I would agree. Have you always been this way? As you get older, you do get more confident, I would say. 100%. But then she asked, do you have advice on getting past the shame and back on your feet? Just keep...

Go through the motions. Yeah, just keep chugging along. Do the community service. I've been there for something else and you're fine. Yeah. I mean, I was selling drugs and that's pretty fucked up. Out of a coffee shop. Out of a coffee shop, weighing the cocaine on the coffee bean scale.

that you're supposed to put the beans on. Like here's your venti mocha latte and your eight ball. Yeah, so probably giving innocent, you know, civilians who just wanted a cup of coffee like, you know, cocaine residue. And they probably just thought it was really good coffee.

You were probably helping their business. I agree. I actually really do agree with that. The point is you need to look at the bright side of everything. Yes. And I own that mistake because that, you know, like you give someone drugs. I remember I started dealing to this one girl and she started asking for coke

fucking day. Did you feel like I felt guilty? I was like, oh, I really got this girl. Like at first it was great. You're like on your Walter White. But then after a month, I was like, wait, girl, you're kind of scaring me. I feel really bad now. Girl, you're going to be Pinkman to your Walter White any day. Yes, girl, you're going to be just fine. You're going to do the community service and move on. This is not going to haunt you. And I think you can get it expunged in seven years. You could be like Sophia and get your mugshot on a T-shirt. Yeah. Oh,

it maybe I don't know I don't know what your alcohol tolerance level is at save on Cox internet when you add Cox mobile and get fiber powered internet at home and unbeatable 5g reliability on the go so whether you're playing a game at home yes cool or attending one live oh

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Okay, next question. Hey, Slu, love you and the pod. I am really bad at meeting new people and so awkward at parties. I don't know how to start conversations, be more outgoing. Alcohol does work. Any advice? Help.

Sounds like you got it under control. Yeah, wait. Alcohol works? There you go, sister. You and everyone else, I think. 100%. But... I did read one time that a severely anxious person, their first two shots are used just to get them to the level of, like, a normal person. So it's like Xana. It's like Klonopin, basically. And then they're off to the races. That's what I'm going to tell my doctor the next time I see him. It's my medicine. What the fuck are you talking about?

I don't think that you need to rely on alcohol. Yeah, no. I mean... Oh my God. No, let me re... What did she say? What was her actual question? She said that she has a hard time meeting people and being outgoing. Let me tell you this that someone told me probably when I was like in a class for underage drinking that I was forced to go to.

You drinking alcohol, it's your inhibitions are down. It's still you. You don't transform like chameleon fucking shapeshifter, you know, Mark Zuckerberg shit. It's you at the end of the day. So you're in the boat that if your boyfriend cheats on you, he's like, I was wasted. Like you knew what the fuck you were doing. It depends who's cheating, if it was him or if it was me. But you can still be that same person, you know? Absolutely. Yeah.

- Kiana, do you have anything?

Absolutely. Do you have anything to tell this girl? I feel like she has it under control. No. To a little Bloody Mary in the morning. I know. I love how she's like, I have no idea how to do it, but alcohol works. I feel like you have to force yourself. Yes. I don't know if she's like a severely anxious person. I don't know. Do you take medicine? You don't have to do that. I mean, I don't necessarily support big pharma. Well. But I feel like you have to just be, you have to force yourself. Listen. No one can do it but you. Listen. Listen.

I consider myself to be a pretty anxious person. I when I first started podcasting, I was like, there is no way in fucking hell I'm doing that shit sober. And I would go into the bathroom and like pound some shots, then get on the mic.

over time I stopped drinking to I have never stopped drinking but I stopped to you know get in front of the mic and we do episodes sober and some of those were like the best ones I ever did it's it's a mind game it's all in your head exactly just how you force yourself is kind of what I'm saying to her like you have to you have to force yourself that's all you can do last thing I'm gonna say last thing

Just get out of your head because you're in your head too much. You think everyone is fucking focused on you and thinking about you. Sweetheart, everyone is thinking about themselves. Absolutely. That's actually some of the best advice I've ever gotten. Yeah. It sounds harsh, but no one gives a fuck about you. They don't. Like the littlest thing that you're thinking about, like. Yes. Do these fit me? I mean, well.

But like do these socks match? Like Bob, like little shit that just doesn't matter. Everyone's so in their own head. Yes. It does not matter. Everyone at all. No one cares about you really. No one cares. And they're freaking out about their own shit. Okay. So go in there and act however the fuck you want. Okay. Okay.

Next question. Hey, Sophia. Love you in the pod. So I just have a PSA to make that deeply disturbed me tonight. I am a bartender and I got off work the other night, had some wine and had a conversation with some dudes that were in. Most of them admitted to me that men typically get little pieces of toilet paper stuck in their mouth after going down on a woman. And this is why a bidet is needed. I don't know.

I am mortified. I've never thought about this. What does Salute University think? I've heard of this before. I mean...

I mean, I've heard of it, but like I feel like I check my vagina. I feel like it's not the most astonishing thing. All the little flaps and folds and... Actually, one time in high school, I remember my high school boyfriend was about to go down on me and he asked me to like take care of it. And I wanted to die. So I think ever since that moment, I'm like hyper aware. But I'm sure there's still... With these flaps, there has to be a little piece of toilet paper somewhere. Arby, we have the meats. Yes.

But I mean, like, I mean, again, yeah, think about the situation. What if things got, like, hot and frisky, like, out of nowhere and you didn't have time? Who cares? It's toilet paper. Yeah, like, they're just gonna...

It's biodegradable. Move on with it. It's fucking protein. Like, who cares? Also, I would love to know the last time a dude has gone down on a girl and, like, looked at her vagina like that. Like a whole OBGYN exam? Yeah. They don't. I feel like they don't. They don't even know what they're doing anyway. So who gives a fuck? No, it doesn't matter. But I guess it is, like, a nice PSA. Maybe we should just, like, you know...

Just, you know, just kind of slide your hand down the flaps. Also, aren't bidets for your asshole? Isn't that the whole point of them? But I guess you could use it that way too. Oh my God, that didn't even occur to me. These dudes are fucking idiots. Stupid.

The days are for masturbating for women and for cleaning your asshole. And that's it. Yeah. You don't what you're going to clean. Like, OK, just get in the shower at that point. Yeah. Use a douche. OK, I think that we have covered a lot of ground today, Kiana. Yeah.

You did something. I am so happy that you're here with me. Thank you so much for coming. We're getting dinner and getting fucked up after this. We deserve it. Thank God I haven't eaten today. I'm starving. I took a page out of your book. I actually have had food today. And guys, have the best holidays ever. Merry Slootmas. Merry Slootmas.

Oh my God. Merry Slootmas. And I will be back not next week, but the following. But you guys should absolutely follow me on social media because once I don't have an episode going out, all of my energy goes to social media. Sophia the F, Franklin with a Y. Check out YouTube. Smooches. Smooches. Love you. Bye. Bye.