86: Mr. Independent ft. John 01:02:10

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Hello everyone, welcome to Sophia with an F. I am feeling super frisky today, super excited. As always, I am recording from WTF Media Studios, Black-owned studio, the only studio you should fucking record from in Soho, New York. Anyways, you guys, I am joined by...

My best friend, he's basically my brother, John, like the Bible, hi. Hey. Guys, if you don't know John, we have been a package deal since high school, best friends since freshman year, maybe even before that, and nothing has changed.

And I'm so happy to have you back. I think at this point you have been on the show more than literally any other guest.

I've been on here four times, maybe five. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Around there. Yes. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for having me. John, just John is the guy and the friend and the person that I could call you 20 minutes before recording and you would be like, yeah, let's go. I'm here for whenever. Just call me. I know. If I'm not skateboarding, I'm there. Yeah.

Can we talk about skateboarding just really fast? Please. No, like, literally, that's, like, all I want to... Let's...

I'm ready. Because I'm such a big fan of skateboarding. Oh, yeah. You have almost died, I think, three times in the last month on your electric skateboard. Constantly cut up. I'm not going to lie. Like, I'm pretty good. Not to toot my own horn, but I want to know if anyone has seen me out there just fucking zooming in.

in Manhattan and you're just like, whoa, what is that guy doing? I would love to know if anyone else sees me or if I'm just like... In your own head? You haven't seen me like that. John, you go a hundred miles per hour. I tell you that, but you have to see it to see it. I've seen it. Okay. I've also seen your

hands right now uh one of them's broken i'm always i'm always cut up i'm always cut up didn't you hit a kid or he had to move out of the way no i had no i had a grandma is what i had and she was not happy dude but like also she was yelling at me and she was being a little crazy but like she moved in my way i hit her and her her and her friends got like all pissed off and they were just like

Like probably like 80, 90 years old. I don't know. But they were pissed. And they were just like, you, you, how dare you? Like my grandson would never do this. And they were yelling at me so bad. So you know what I said? I said, well, I wish I had a grandmother. And then they stopped. They stopped yelling at me. And that's how I got away with that one. But I did feel really bad about that one. I've never had a child. I'm very cautious when there are children around me.

I mean, I worry about the pedestrians, but you're really good. And I am actually like I could be Tony Hawk in a catalog that is I don't know, maybe for skateboarding, extreme skateboarding. Okay.

It's not so much that I'm worried about others. It's you. You've gone to the hospital once. I have gone there a couple of times. Yeah. But like, you don't stop. You don't stop. Like, that's the thing is like when you love something, you know what? It makes you happy. You just, you don't stop. You just keep doing what you love. I just think like, let's incorporate a helmet.

I mean, I do wear a beanie. I wear a beanie in case I were to like somehow. But I am pretty good at catching my fall. All right. So we're going to move the fuck on because John literally has bruises and scrapes all along his body from skateboarding. He is really good. They add character. They do. They do. If at the end of the day makes you happy, then good for you. I'm being as cautious as I can while being as like...

You know, as pure to myself as I can. I love that. I want to take it away from you, John. Okay, thanks. Just for one millisecond. Great. Because I know once you get in front of a microphone, it's like the John show. And that's why we can never be co-hosts. Let's bring it back to Sophia because it is called Sophia with an F, not John with a J. Okay, I have a couple updates before we dive into all things John. So, two things. My mom...

Did ayahuasca. So my mom, our mom's actually very progressive. They're like best friends. They're kind of crazy. Very crazy. In the best way. Progressive. Yes. They are. They are. They are great. They're a great time. I would say like my mom is like...

Definitely a little bit crazier. They're just different realms, but they're both crazy. They have great personalities. They have personalities. Multiple personalities.

They're all great, but some are really hard to deal with. But I love them all. I've gained... I've learned to love all of them. Yes. And what they are. All of the personalities. But luckily, like, your mom's personalities are, I feel like, you know... Mm-hmm. You know moms. We love them, but they're fucking crazy. And dads, we love them, but they're weird. Right. That's just how it is. I mean, I don't have one, but I completely understand. And mine is hardly there. Okay. Which, by the way...

John and I were watching this show last night and this girl, this young girl kept calling. No, she was a little bit older, actually kept calling her dad, daddy. And it really rubbed me the wrong way. Do you call your dad, daddy? Well, I hardly call my dad, but when I do, I don't call him and say, Hey daddy. I say, does Allie, your sister call?

Does she say daddy? No, we've never called our parents mommy or daddy. Well, you call your mom by her first name. Sometimes they'll be like, like, what's up, Elle? Like, I mean, her name's Ellen. But like, I mean, if I were to call my dad, like Tony, he'd probably like fucking rip my head off. So you have to say dad. I have to say dad, but I would never say daddy. There's why there's I don't know if it's

because we sexualize the word, but it just... When I see a girl or a boy and they refer to their father as daddy, it doesn't sit well with me. I mean, I felt that as a young age, too. Like, when my friends were calling their parents daddy, I felt that. I was like, wait, what?

I don't want to like, I don't want to call my dad, daddy, my mom, mommy. Like I'm like a big kid. I did mommy for a little bit and my mom actually made me feel stupid about it. And she said, stop being so whiny and stop adding a,

Or like an E or a question to everything. When I was younger, I did. And she snapped me out of it. But I just, I don't know. I would love to hear from people. I think now that when your daddy in the bedroom became such a thing. So now if you call your dad daddy, it's just like a little bizarre.

Right. Okay. So the ayahuasca. The ayahuasca. By the fucking way. How was it? By the way. How was it? So my mom tells me she's going to do ayahuasca. Actually, how this happened, I'm going to keep this brief, is I was out with my friends. A lot of my friends were on mushrooms. I was not, but I was on certain things. Alcohol. Who knows? What?

And my mom texts me and she says, under no circumstances can you call me tonight, Sophia. Because your ringer is on for emergencies and like you cannot get a hold of me tonight. Okay, so me, drunk, I'm like, someone kidnapped her. There's something horrifyingly wrong.

Then it comes out a few hours later that she went to this ayahuasca ceremony and they didn't do ayahuasca, but it was like this precursor to the ceremony where they did something cacao, like something, some drug. I don't know what the fuck it is. Okay, cool. Fast forward to a couple days ago.

My mom tells me she's going to do the full ceremony, shaman, everything. The interesting part about it is that it was going to happen in West Valley. Yeah.

No one knows what West Valley is. Well, first of all, it's in the United States. It's in Utah. It's a city and it's fine and it's great and it's fabulous. It's known for a lot of crime. One of the most dangerous places in Utah, basically, period. And when my mom told me she was going to be doing an ayahuasca ceremony in West Valley, Utah...

I had a reaction, a visceral reaction. It was a little worrisome. Well, yeah, 100%. I mean, I don't go there often, but I do know that they shouldn't be doing ayahuasca ceremonies because that's very illegal in the United States. That's only legal in Peru, I'm pretty sure. That's true. So if you're doing it in your backyard, I feel like it's really sketchy.

I did text her on my own. Yeah. And I said, I was like, like, you know, girl, you good. Are you live? But also we did talk and she did not, they didn't say anything about eating food or, you know, what to eat before. Right. Cause there's this,

whole thing with ayahuasca, which by the way... Or even journal. I was like, oh, you've probably been journaling all day. And she was like, what are you talking about? I was like, well, you're doing ayahuasca. Like, aren't they having you journal? It's not like part of the process. She was like, they didn't really tell me anything. I was like, well... I have looked into ayahuasca because I was about to do it. And I did a lot of research. I talked to a lot of different people that have done it. And it's very... Intimate. What you were supposed to do is...

not eat certain things, not take drugs, not drink alcohol. Oh, the ayahuasca pre-diet. Great, according to shamans. So what does it say? No salt, no sugar, no oil, no spicy food. Okay, see, this is what I'm talking about. Like you probably shouldn't be eating a ton of food before. Okay, so why didn't they tell her all of this before she's going under the fucking...

Why did the West Valley shaman not tell my mom to not do these things? I don't know. The one thing he did tell her, though, is the no sex rule, which I had never, ever, ever, ever heard. I had never heard that one. Is it ecstasy? I don't know. He's like, if you want to take, you know, LSD before ayahuasca, that's chill. Just make sure you don't have an orgasm. I don't fucking know you guys, but...

But just I want you guys to put yourselves in my mentality and my mindset. I get very, very nervous when people around me do things.

Intense drugs, which sounds shocking because I hang out with a bunch of people that do drugs. Her going into a trip that can last, it lasts about 12 hours and I won't be able to hear from her. It was a little bit terrifying. And just being in that headspace of like, I don't know if my mom is going to come out normal or if she's going to come out a weirdo.

I had some anxiety, but God bless her. I think, well, A, progressive. She's very progressive. B, someone very close to us was suffering from severe anxiety, depression, and they went and did it and came back and said that 90% of that anxiety and depression was relieved after just one ayahuasca trip. And I,

I personally genuinely believe in ayahuasca. I think, I think it really is a healing experience. I don't really know too much about it. Like, but like I'm down to do anything that's about to like open me up and be like, Hey, what's up girl. I'm here. So like, if that's the kind of thing we're getting into, I'm there. I think, I think it's a little bit deeper than that, but something that's even deeper than ayahuasca, my mom doing it and her surviving and my mental state is my building. Yeah.

Oh, I almost thought you said your bills. I was like, Oh, well, actually kind of my bills bills. I want to talk about my apartment complex and I'm not going to say where I live and I'm not going to talk. I'll say it. No, I'll say it. I'm going to say it. Shut the fuck up. I'm not going to talk shit on the employees and the doormen who I love to death. Come hang out with me in my apartment. I,

I pay a pretty penny to live in my apartment complex. It's a beautiful place. It's stunning. Oh, my gosh. There's a bowling alley. There's a swimming pool. There's a fucking... Like, what is that? A daylight spa? What is that thing in the middle? A zen garden. A zen garden. It's just like... You can come over whenever the fuck you want. It's an extravagant building. She has... Sophia has a fucking... She has a hibachi in her kitchen. She...

She literally has hibachi in her kitchen. That's a convo for another day. I pay quite a bit of money to live where I live. I decided to splurge this year in New York because I've always been very frugal. And my apartment building decided that any food deliveries...

We now need to leave our apartments, go downstairs, go outside, go to a separate.

area to pick up our door dash postmates fucking go puff fucking i don't care what delivery service is this a fucking fire drill it's why are you wait you're gonna have to go outside yeah why am i paying why am i paying a delivery fee

For me to go pick it up? You're like, I'm tipping you for... You have to tip them half. Tip them half. But the thing is, I don't want to let it out on them. It's the fucking building. Okay, well, then you need to have that discussion. Because you are paying a pretty penny, and that's not fair. I just... I don't know...

I don't like that. I just don't think me alone, I'll be able to like, how do I get everyone in the building to protest or something? Oh my God. Wait, let's bake cookies. The sleuths to pull the fuck up. Yes. Oh my God, guys. It's just, I,

I want everyone to understand, and I feel like everyone can feel where I'm coming from. If you are paying for a delivery service, there are taxes, there is a delivery fee, there's all this fucking- It is so expensive.

I'm paying for a service and then this building that I pay so much money to live in is not letting me get the full service. I think you should just get on board on the board of the committee and then you should just. Oh, I'm sure Sophia Franklin will be on the board of the committee. I already have like a complaint in my file. I run a podcast. I can run this building. Whatever. It's just I think it's complete bullshit. I don't know what to do about it. The only thing is there is a little bit of a loophole and if it's

After 11 p.m. and before 7 a.m., then they're allowed to bring it up. Okay. Buy in bulk. Get it the fuck together. But everyone that works there, I love you. It's upper management. We always know that. Fuck them. It's always the head honcho.

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Your cash back really adds up. Enough about me, John. What's new with you? What's the update? Besides you needing to get surgery. Okay, I'm not going to like be going to down on the needle. But you should be. But I really should be. Okay, I do have to get surgery. And I want to bring it up because I want people. You want me to tell it? Yeah. No, I want the people to know.

to urge you the way that I've been urging you to go to the hospital and get surgery because it's so bad every time I show someone insane it's really bad no it like actually it hurts and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger and I just need to get it taken out and I don't want to alarm anyone but it's like okay what really what it is is like I got stung by a stingray so he has

a huge fucking lump the size of my fist and it's growing. It's growing and it's getting uncomfortable to the point where it's like I have I sometimes walk weird and like the story behind it though is so comical like it deserves. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. It's a movie. So well, okay. I was on a beach in San Diego. It was a nude beach.

Thank you. And it was called Black's Beach in San Diego. If you know it, shout out Black's Beach. Nudist beach. You can be completely naked. Completely naked. And I'm not going to say I'm into nude beaches, but like I'm into nude beaches. So much.

So I go to this nude beach with my friends. It's my first time I had ever been there and I was living in San Diego for a little bit. And my friends, like they, they were like, let's go. It was just like this guy, his boyfriend and like my friend. And you have to like hike down there. Like it is a hike. It's not just like a, Oh, we're at the beach. Like, no, you have to like fucking hike down there. Like rock climb. Yeah. And it's like, you have to find a spot, like whatever. We did all of that and it was fine. Um,

Had a great time getting drunk, having like we're naked doing our we're not doing anything weird. We're just like naked, like, you know, like having a little breathe. It's like a little breeze. And it's just like, I don't really give a fuck. You know, people think nudist beaches. You're doing weird shit. No, it's a regular. No, it's just like, I don't want tan lines. And it's just like, fuck it. So like I was like, whatever. I'm getting a little drunk.

I'm going to go in the ocean. Everyone's like, we're not going to go in. I was like, whatever, I'm going in. So of course I run in there and I'm just like drunk, just like, yeah, you know, just being like fucking, cause this was like back in 2015. So it's been like,

It's time for surgery. Yeah, but continue. So I'm like running around just like my 22 year old self or whatever. And I'm just running around and I fucking step on something slimy and I'm just like, oh, okay. Like what the fuck was that? But like, whatever. And it's like, I like take another step and a fucking, it's just like, I thought I got bit by a shark and I was just like, oh my God.

Was there blood? Well, I had to, I was in the water. So I couldn't see what's going on underneath the legs. Like the water was probably up to my, maybe to my wiener. I would say like up to like upper thigh wiener area. Okay. It was like where I was. I was just like hopping around. I didn't know anything about like the fucking...

There's something called the fucking stingray shuffle where you're supposed to shuffle around. Anyway, so I knew something happened and I knew it wasn't good. So I get out of the water and I'm just like, I'm like running back. But I'm like, also like, I feel like I'm a little bit numb in the leg. Oh.

Because I'm like, I don't know if it's poisonous or what, but I don't know if it's shock, but I am numb. Like I'm, something's going on. So I get out there and there's blood trailing and my friends and I'm just like waving. I'm just like waving. I'm like, you know, like something happened. Like I got bit by a shark or something. And then like, I literally go onto the shore and I like fall

And then like they come running over. Everyone's naked. I'm naked. People along the nudist beach are huddling around and then they go and get the fucking lifeguard. Mind you, I'm fully naked, fully naked. And there are some naked people around me, but it's like optional. So there are like very well clothed people around me too. Yeah. And it's mostly clothed people, which was like kind of fucked up.

And the lifeguard comes and gets me and he's picking up my foot trying to find out what happened. And your dick is out. Dude, he's flipping my leg around and my... Everyone saw my butthole that day. And you know what's the most fucked up part? What? I had to hike back that place with a hurt foot. Wait, hold on. Didn't someone pee?

Did someone pee on you? No, because that's a jellyfish. I swear someone tried to pee on you. No, that would be out of this world. That would have. I'm naked and someone peed. Oh, hell no. Hell no. Just take my foot off. No. But anyway, it's scar tissue from the stingray. I need to get taken out of my foot because it's affecting my daily health and my daily walking and skateboarding and all of the above. And it's growing. And I just can't believe that was a stingray.

And so anyone listening, do the stingray shuffle. It's like the monster dance. It's like a dance move. There you go. That's fucking insane. I was bit by a parrotfish once and no one believes me because those type of fish don't bite people, but it did in Bermuda and I was bleeding, but we're not going to make it about me. Oh, come on. I want to know about it. Quick.

Come on, please. No. Please. John's being sarcastic. No, I really do want to know. I really want to know. You don't think it's a cool story? I don't know about it. I'm going to wrap. I'm going to say it in three sentences. There was a parrot fish. Parrot. Parrot fish eat coral and they eat it and it turns into sand. Everyone look that one up. Okay. Because that's a very interesting fact.

I was standing on a rock. There's all these little kids around me. There's a huge parrot fish the size of my upper torso swimming around. Super cute. I have a picture of him, everything. He comes up to the rock. He bites my toe. I think it's because I had bright pink nail polish on. And then I was walking around Bermuda and I was asking people at the hotel like, oh my God, this parrot fish did this. And they said, we...

We have never heard of a parrotfish doing this, like gaslighting me, like telling me it didn't happen. Anyways, I have pictures. Disgusting. Look at their teeth. Yeah. They're kind of cute. That thing bit my toe, John. Oh, it's like wearing lipstick. It's terrifying. Anyways, guys, thank you so much for tuning in to Marine Biology. Hear us fucking next week.

John, I want to talk about your job because I think that you've spoken about it a lot in the past. We both worked in finance and I want to give some career advice to people about

And by we, I mean you. Okay. Because we both fucking hated our jobs. And I think 99% of the population can feel that. Right. To a certain level. Right. I mean, I don't think like everybody loves their job. I feel like. No. I feel like job is called a job because it's a job. Exactly. Yeah. People tell me, oh my God, you get to talk shit for an hour a week for a living. You must love it.

I do, but it's still a job. Like I would still rather just not have a job at all. I mean, I think that would be the luxury. Right. But also not very fulfilling, but like that would be very luxurious. So you told me the last episode you were on, you were like, I love my job. I fucking love it. And there was a lot of sarcasm in your voice. Now,

Our most recent conversation about your work, you like it or you've learned to like it. You know what it was, was they did do a retreat. So we have like an off an offsite retreat. And that's like supposed to like boost morale or whatnot.

Yeah, I feel like it fucking worked because I was fucking Joseph Kony or whatever, like chugging the Kool-Aid. So I don't know if that was even his name. I have no idea if that's his name. But when you said chugging the Kool-Aid, it registered. Regardless, like I was fucking chugging that Kool-Aid and I drank it and I feel a lot better about my job. And I feel like it's like,

If it was because of that or what, or because I just decided like maybe like this is what it is, but I've started to enjoy it a lot more and accept it for what it is. And like actually ask myself, like, what is my purpose at the firm? And now I'm like, okay, maybe like the reason I'm here isn't just to be pissed off.

maybe it's to make, maybe it's to make a change somewhere or like, maybe it's to like do X, Y, Z. So like now I'm actually like thinking into like the big picture. Like, cause before that it was like pretty pissed off. Like they've like,

They haven't been the nicest in a lot of ways, but like it's also they've been very generous in other ways. So it's just... Which is every job. It's very tricky. It's like a love-hate relationship, but I was very much on the hate until I think like this like on-site, off-site situation. I really like... Like it made me realize why... Like what can I do? Why am I here? And like let's make those changes happen. Even if like...

I'm not like, I'm not exiting right away. Like I have time to maybe make a little difference here and there. And there's a reason I'm here to like, maybe do that. Right. So like, that's kind of what it was with like, yeah. I mean, I think that a lot of people, if they earn a job that they don't feel is the most fulfilling, incredible, amazing thing ever.

They just want to sit there and fucking hate on it day after day after day. But like, also, I feel like the older that I get, the more I'm just like, wait, I like don't give a fuck. Like, what do you mean? What? Like, I don't like I care, but I'm not going to put your feelings over mine to the point where I'm just like, are they mad at me? Like,

I don't give a shit. At your job. At my job, it's the type of job where you're not getting constant validation being like, oh, you're doing such a great job. Or you don't hear that. You'll only hear if you're doing a bad job. I think that's every job because that's mine as well. I feel like it's very much of a male dominant. That's like a male trait thing as well. I feel like a male manager is very much like that. Well, finance is...

Yeah. Predominantly male. Yeah. Which is makes me love it so much more. But like, I really do. I don't hate it. I'm starting to like it and what it is for. But do I think it's forever? I don't think anything is forever. I think everything in life is temporary. And yeah, I'm just fucking going for the ride, baby. But I'm just putting a smile on my face a little bit harder. Which I love. Yeah. Because if you sit there, this is not me saying if you're miserable in your job, get content. Yeah.

and complacent and just make it work. That's not what we're saying. We're saying, well, it depends on how bad it is. Like how bad is it? Are you able to navigate your life? Like, are you, how much do you hate it? Like pros and cons list, like just way in your head, be like, what is this worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth my time? Because like,

time is so expensive. Like time is the most expensive thing in the world. Literally the most expensive. So if you want to have your time being put into that, just manage your time and make sure it's being directed in the right ways. And if you can direct it in the right ways in your current position, I think that you'll be able to succeed, take a step back and like see it for what it is. But if it's a very hostile environment and it's not worth your time, then get the fuck out.

Right. You have to gauge how bad. But for a lot of us,

And for a lot of people, you don't fucking love your job, right? Period. But my point is that if you are in a situation where you can't leave your job at that particular moment, right? Okay. And you know you need to stay there and work through it for however long, whether it's a few months or a few years, right?

There is something to be said about making it manageable and making it. Right. But like also you need to like set a precedent like for yourself. Like you need to set expectations and like be like, okay, like this is where I see myself. And like if I'm not going to get this, like I've already set this for myself for next year and I'll be completely honest with like, I love my, I'm starting to like my job a lot more, but I have set expectation to where I'm like, if I'm not getting paid this much, I'm out.

Done. Bye. I'm telling you now, I was disgraced. I was disappointed. I was, I felt like very much like,

pissed the fuck off last year. If you make me feel that way this upcoming year, done. I'm out. So that's what it is. Which is super smart. And you're able to do that. You are allowed to make those boundaries for yourself and like to say like I've had enough. But like if it's maybe like just depends on where you're at and like how much you can take and like where your line is drawn because everyone has a line. Yeah. Yeah.

So it helped you learn to like your job just by setting goals and parameters that you, if they're not reached, you will be gone type thing. Yes, that, but also just taking a step back and just like being

Being like, I could leave tomorrow. I could leave right now if I wanted to. But there's a purpose as to why I'm here. And why I've stayed here. And I do think that my purpose there is inclusion and diversity. I think my purpose is to make a little noise. So that is...

to me. And I think that is the most interesting thing you've ever said to me our entire friendship. What? Make a little noise? Because I ain't loud enough. Not make a little noise, but you could be working at a finance firm and don't

feel like you have to stay in the box. No, I don't feel like, oh, and then I become an analyst and then a financial advisor and then maybe you go in a completely different direction within that same firm, that same job that speaks to you. And what speaks to you is inclusion, diversity,

Just like the whole male, like, you know, dominant and straight cis white male dominant. It pisses me the fuck off. And like, I think that there needs to be just a different sort of onboarding process. I like that. Onboarding. Onboarding. Just any, anything, anything, anything.

Anything. We'll take muffins. If you want to give us gift baskets, we'll take those too. But like anything. Because you do want to be compensated more. I need it. Oh, well, fairly. I mean, who works in a job where they don't want to be compensated more? I mean, fairly. Hi, me. Hi, probably everyone. John's tactic as to how to be compensated more. He brought it up to me at lunch last week and it was...

Very interesting. Very dynamic. Very you. What was it? It was... I don't know if you were just in a bad mood. What was it? I don't know if you were just... What was it? You basically said...

I'm going to lose so much weight. Dude, I don't have a choice. So that, okay, fine. Let me continue. So that they notice that I'm drowning in my clothes and I'm not doing well and they have to give me a raise. Is what?

is verbatim what you said at lunch i said i'm gonna look so fucking good in winter so it's like why i'm like i'm gonna be drowning in those fucking clothes i'm gonna be fucking mary kate i'm gonna be drowning in those clothes i'm you won't even be able to find me i'm over here i'm over here no it's just my fucking scarf no literally like they don't pay me enough to eat is the issue i've just took out another credit card it's so it's uh okay we don't know if

We don't know if it's your spending. It might be a little, a little bit of both. - Definitely both. - But you, John sitting down saying, I have a game plan. This is how I'm gonna get a raise. I'm going to start disappearing physically. - Ew, ew. - I'm not, people will be scared for my wellbeing. - Is he okay? - Is he okay? - Should we be worried? - The firm will be like, should we be scared? He needs a raise. - And I'll say, yeah, exactly.

And I'm like, I don't think it would go from we're worried to let's give the man a raise. Look, I'm happy to put my body at God's testament and just say take it for what it is. Take everything away from me. Let me brittle and I will get a raise. Who knows? Maybe it will work. I've tried everything else. I personally don't think that will work, but when John... We'll circle back. We'll circle back and we'll let you guys know. Catch me in the winter drowning my sweaters. Winter...

When John said, I can't, I'm just trying to get ready for my winter bod. That was something I'd never heard of. I was like, you mean your summer bod and you're like in your swimming suit and whatever. No. And John said, no, I want to be drowning in my sweater. My clothes are way too big for me. Noticeably drowning. Like they need to help me. Yeah. Like I'm drowning in my clothes. Come help me. Maybe we could just.

we could just buy you extra, extra, extra large of everything. No, I need it. I want it. I want it to be dramatic. Okay. Yeah. We need to set a precedent. I look, I'm not looking for, I'm not looking for a 10% raise here. Okay. It's 30 or 40 and that's it. I understand. Okay. I get it. I get it. Okay.

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John, I want to do a quick

breezy, beautiful Slough University. Okay. Wait, isn't this like when the music plays? Yes. The music is about to play. No, it's not. No, it's different music. We're not about to try to do it. But I am the professor. But today, since you're here, you're going to kind of take over. Oh. And I'm more of like the backup.

back up okay here we go and we spoke about this a little bit i just asked you hey is there anything on the episode you would like to talk about and you said i n d e p e n d e e n t i literally just spelled independent wrong i n d e p e n d e n t do you know what that means thank you there we go

Okay. Independence. Independent. That's what you wanted to talk about. Yeah, a little bit. So I'm going to let you take it away. Okay. So where did this stem from? From you. Thank you. Okay. I already knew that this was a personal attack on me when he brought it up. And I'm just gonna, I'm gonna take it. So go ahead. Okay. So the issue is that

there are some people in this world that don't particularly know how or want to be alone. And I feel like maybe you could possibly be one of those people and you've had visitors who

come in, you haven't lived alone. Like you've just had people stay with you for like the past, what, like two or three months. And it's just like to a point where it's like, is she on a bender or is she just having fun? Is that me not being independent or is that me being a gracious host and letting people? That's you having like attachment issues and it's not healthy. Okay. Why did you move alone?

Why did you move alone? To really take the reins on being alone and my independence. Okay. So then why... So out of the past two... So why are there people staying with me every single day? Yeah. I think it's a mix of a couple things and...

They reach out to me. Okay. I'm an innocent bystander. Okay. B, I facilitate the entire fucking thing because I am scared to be sitting in my apartment alone and have to deal with my feelings and deal with everything going on and really grasp and own being independent. Okay. So here is what I just like want to say. Okay. Yeah.

If you are like in a relationship and you don't like fully know yourself, if you can't fully be alone. Mm hmm.

It's not going to work. If you don't know how to be alone, if you can't love yourself, if you can't be independent, if you can't live without somebody else, if you can't live for yourself and you are in a relationship right now and you don't feel that way or you're thinking about getting into a relationship, stop. Fucking stop what you're doing. Yeah. Like you need to be able to

know yourself, love yourself, love spending time with yourself only by yourself for like extended periods of time. Like you shouldn't, you should be able to be alone. You got an apartment to be alone. You live there to be alone. You wanted to be single. That's like,

why you wanted to be single in the first place is because you wanted to live alone and experience all these things and be independent. Right. So like the topic is independence, which, which John can speak to because we should give them some background. I just don't. Yeah. You, you have been independent for, I don't even know how long lived alone, uh,

haven't been in back to back to back relationships at all barely had any relationships have issues which is its own issue but the independence thing is you've got that shit down i mean i had that point down to like i'm basically chelsea handler like i don't know if i'm gonna be with anyone at this point but like also like i know that like

If I were to be in a relationship right now, I would be able to fucking send it like so fucking well.

But it's like that's because I know myself and I know what like I'm able to love myself and be alone. But like also it does get a little tricky too with independence is because like there are like boundaries and like sometimes I like being alone a little bit too much. See, I was about to challenge you on that one. Yeah. I was about to challenge you on that one because I think that

We're polar opposites when it comes to that. No. You know? I don't get FOMO. Sometimes I'm out and I would rather be alone. Well.

Well, okay. See, John, that's where it gets a little bit complicated. It's because you and I are both on that same page. I mean, let me just let everyone know. When John and I go out, we spend hours getting ready, hours pre-gaming. Which is so much fun. Hours listening to fucking Britney, Lady Gaga. I'm not even going to say the names because John actually takes over. I'm not putting Lady Gaga on. No, I know you're not. I'm not.

I have a very diverse playlist. Your playlist is much more advanced than mine. I mean, I might have a song or two of her. Okay. I was talking about my playlist, your playlist, which we don't listen to because you won't fucking let me because you hog the ox like a motherfucker. But we spend hours getting ready, pre-gaming, da-da-da. And then we go out to the club and we're there for about 15, 20 minutes.

And it's like we give each other this look and it's every single time. Over it. We gotta go home. Gotta go home. Gotta go. Yeah. Gotta jet. So I feel like it's... You have to be independent to the point where it's like you know yourself. You just need to be independent and like live the fuck alone. And just...

learn to love yourself girl take care of yourself but what does that have to do with the FOMO because I'm I'm the same as you I love to go the fuck home so do you ever get like you so then you don't get fear of missing out then why do you have an issue staying in I have a fear of missing out but I also don't like being out I think that's how everyone feels I don't feel that way really I sometimes would rather be in just all the time and you never have FOMO

You never feel guilty for not going out. I never get FOMO. Okay. Well, you know what? Regardless, I'm very independent in a lot of ways. I own... Excuse me. I rent my own apartment. I live alone. You know, I'm not like...

John The face John is giving me Is making me want to just cry right now And say I'm not independent I pay my own bills Stop letting people stay at your house That's it Okay fine Just stop Like it's on a crack den Like let Let people live where they live They have their own apartment They have their own like They pay their own lease But then I But then I have to deal with my own emotions And feelings and thoughts And I'm not ready Oh my god shoot Shoot Let me know if you need help Okay fine Okay

Whatever. So, yes. Be independent, y'all. Don't look for anybody else to fucking tell you how you're going to live your life and like how you're going to live it your best. That is the lesson for today, folks. That is one decision that you can only make and learn to love yourself, baby. Ooh, learn to love yourself. That will be next week's fucking episode because I don't know how to do that yet.

I'm

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Anyways, sleuths. Okay. Let's get into my favorite segment and John's favorite segment, which is SOS save our sleuths. The sleuths have written in their questions, stories, advice, and let's get fucking into it. And let's, let's solve some problems. Let's get dirty. Let's get down and dirty and disgusting. Okay. Number one.

SOS, I think I'm falling in love with my gay friend who even has a boyfriend. I know how pathetic this is, but I need help. I see him nearly every day at school. He gives off straight man vibes. I don't know what that means. Anyways, he's hot, great person in general, and gets very flirty with me, especially when we drink. We

We are very good friends and enjoy being around each other. I've met his boyfriend multiple times and they are great together. So fuck me. Maybe I'm just starved of straight male attention, but I don't know what to do. I need some advice because all I can think of is distancing myself, but I don't think that's feasible or even what I want to do. Have you ever had romantic feelings about John? Please help. Thanks, Ellie.

Have you? I haven't. Have you? No. Have you for me? No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't work like that. I have. I felt romantic. Not romantic. I felt love for you. Like brother. Like out of your...

No I haven't felt it In my pussy I felt it in my heart That's where I felt it Fair enough Where have you felt it For me Not in my dick So Definitely my heart My heart My mind My soul I mean John and I Would have

- We didn't have fucking sleepovers in high school. And there was no funny business. - No, we weren't like fondling. But I also wasn't that gay that was like making out with the girls. - I personally had no idea you were gay until that one night when you took Ambien. - I was 15.

You knew me for literally two years before that. Okay, but I was the first person you told you were gay. I had no idea you were gay up until then. Thank you. I'm not giving you compliments. I had a girlfriend...

Oh, you did? We never really did too much funny business. With her. So, okay. Let's not talk about us. Let's answer this fucking girl's question. Okay, well, I think that she should remember that just because they're gay doesn't mean they're not a human being. It's literally the same thing as you have more feelings for your friend and he weren't gay. If you were just straight, it's the same thing. It would just make things like... It's not like he's going to be like,

drop things and be like oh fuck my boyfriend i'm moving in with you like i'm pretty sure he has his mind made up like he knows what he likes and he's doing it basically what i'm saying is give the fuck up yeah like i'm trying to be politely like girl like what are you doing like yeah i agree with that also don't make it weird because like like would you feel like it was it might i don't know

I might get a little weirded out. I might not get a little. About what? I don't know if I would take it flattering or if I would get weirded out. Oh, if I started having like romantic feelings? If a friend were to tell me like, oh, like I'm having romantic feelings for you. I'm trying to like put myself in that situation. Yeah, how would you feel if that happened? I would probably feel a little weirded out. And would you try to be like,

That's what I'm saying is like, I think this girl needs to like, remember that you're friends. Like maybe get yourself on hinge, girl. I don't know what you have to do. Yeah. Like, I don't know what you have to do. I don't know if you have to go down to the convenience store and sell yourself, but like you need to fucking get laid. And like, it's not by him. And it is not by his boyfriend either. And you just need to like, yeah, put yourself on grinder, put yourself out there. But like, wait, don't put yourself on grinder. What are you talking about?

email this girl on Grindr anything else maybe anything else I feel like maybe don't do your friend I wouldn't even tell him well she's wondering she's saying I want to distance myself and honestly maybe you should if you can't overcome oh come on get over it what she can't get over it how old is she well she wants to distance

Distance herself a little bit. She did say she was in school. Like, how... Yes, she's young. I understand. Not really, because I've never had a gay friend. I had a boyfriend who was gay. Like, stop getting so horny. Like, just, like, fucking find a boyfriend and just be friends with him. Like, let him have his boyfriend. Like, he's happy. Leave him alone. He doesn't need the stress. You know what? We did not answer this question. And I'm trying to respect the fact that...

She has romantic feelings. I'm also trying to respect the fact that you know his sexual preference and it is not you, girl. Like unless he's giving you signs, it's not going to work. Well, she said he gets flirty when they're drunk. And I'm like, John and I, if you saw us out at a party, probably look like we're being flirty. We're not flirting, though. We're just touching.

That didn't sound weird at all. Girl, he's gay. And if you're really falling in love with him, you, I think you need to understand how he feels about his sexuality. And that should make it pretty fucking clear. And if you can't handle it, then yeah, go ahead and distance yourself. Ask your mom. Moms always know the best, like the best answer. Yeah. That's,

that's what I'm gonna start that's how I'm gonna start answering questions on this podcast ask your mom because I have no fucking clue but no I have never had John and I have never had romantic feelings for one another however I have had boyfriends who used to like get jealous of John I got beat up a couple times because of that not because

of my boyfriend no not yours just just other which is really sad and unfortunate I'm sorry that happened to you sorry I can't be friends with your girlfriend that's so fucked up that's disgusting I know but I did I did have boyfriends who were like you slept over at John's or like did and I'm like crazy literally fuck off okay great

great amazing girl best of luck to you all right hey soph i am only 21 and in college so i don't have a lot of money saved the problem is that i'm a very materialist girl say i get a thousand

get $1,000 for Christmas, I will literally go out five days later and spend it on a real gold necklace. I keep a running list of things that I want in my phone. And after I buy something, I crossed off the list and immediately add something else.

Everything that I buy is good quality and things I've been wanting for a while. So it's not necessarily impulse buys. What is your advice on how to break this habit? I'm really struggling. Please help. Oh, she's struggling.

Like financially struggling? She has a certain financial situation. Okay. But she's very materialistic and likes to buy a bunch of shit. Fine. Okay. But the thing is, the type of shit she wants to buy isn't necessarily Shein, Forever 21, Amazon Prime shit. It's a real gold necklace. Yes.

And it's intense enough where the second she buys something, she's adding something new to the list. Well, knock it off. Okay. Okay, girl, put your fucking credit cards in the fucking freezer. I don't know what you have to do, but like, stop doing it. I mean, what's, no, I, I treat myself. I feel like I,

feel like maybe you have boundaries but like also I think that it's a form of therapy is like I do too but but this is what I'm gonna say is where is the need coming from where you need like the real gold necklace yeah and like also I hate it

hate when people will like buy something just because it's something because it's just and I'm like wait that's like so ugly my like just because it's right fucking Gucci doesn't mean you should have bought it and the logo is all over and it's it looks I'm like it looks awful yeah like just I would have rather me not know what brand it was and it'd be like something cute yeah I

So maybe like start shopping for yourself. Like, are you shopping for yourself? Are you shopping for other people? Girl, let me... Check yourself into therapy. Girl, let me take over for a second. You don't need the real gold bracelet. You just don't. Okay? My jewelry is bought as cheaply as I can. She might want it. No. Pick and choose what things you need to spend money on. But there's no reason why every single thing you buy...

Should be real gold, expensive, top tier. I mean, come on. Although we like to buy things ethically...

I do want to point out one thing is if you are buying like really good stuff, then the resale, you should be good. It sounds like she's not reselling. She's fucking... Well, that's what I'm saying. If she's hungry, go sell your bracelet, girl. Yeah. And also, I think that... It's not bad. What is it called? Retail therapy is a real thing until it becomes an issue, like an addiction. It's like gambling. Yeah. If you're spending too much... If you're writing in about it, then maybe you should just...

quit like stop eating top ramen and sell your bracelet yeah let me put it this way no one's gonna notice if your jewelry is real or fake nine times out of ten and that's the truth I swear to God boom done okay last question hey Sophia how how do

do I deal with my boyfriend's female friend they have known each other for six years and ever since she first met me she has been rude to me constantly tells me how they've seen each other naked when they lived together told me that if she didn't like someone he was dating then he'd stop

seeing them said that she's the most important woman in his life constantly touches him and calls him sexy and I recently found texts from her to my boyfriend saying she doesn't think I'm right for him what do I do usually I give a long winded answer and this is one of those times where I'm just gonna say

You're going to give him an ultimatum. It's her or you. That's it. Done. Done. No, literally, that's it. I don't think I've ever given an answer that fast. That's so fast. Like, no, I have the exact same one. And you know what? I feel like he might choose her and then fuck it. Get out of there. And then you should feel even fucking better about moving the fuck on. And let me just say it for the rest of the people in the back.

That girl's a cunt. Fat girl is a fucking cunt. No, I'm kidding. No, she is. C-U-N-T. They might just have vibes, but like, I'm sorry, girl. No, this girl is a mean girl and I'm allowed to call a mean girl a cunt. Oh, yeah, she was a cunt, huh? And I'm not saying her name. Okay, fine. She's a cunt. It's very rude. Okay, example. One of my best guy friends...

Starts dating a girl. I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever be mean to them. Maybe. I don't know why he's dragging her along. Tell the girl that I'm the most important woman in her life. You know, who's the only woman on planet Earth who could tell me that about my boyfriend? His mother.

Then I'm going to say, you know what, Queen? You are absolutely correct. Besides that... He sounds shady. Fuck off. He sounds super shady. She's shady and wise and healthy. I already feel like I can just tell that his answer would be her. Yeah. And that just... He would be like, she's my best friend. I feel like this girl knows that it's her. I know. If she were to give an ultimatum. Yeah. Fuck that guy. Yeah. He's giving me weird vibes, man. Ultimatum or...

Just don't even give him that and just fucking leave. All right, guys. Thank you so much for joining John like the Bible and I John, where can they find you on Instagram at John like the Bible and the twiddly twit twit twit Twitter John the Bible. Okay, me as always to be with an F.

franklin with a y on all social media except tiktok which is sophia franklin and the number zero which that's really where i thrive i think and with that you guys i will talk to you next week bye