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accent on the I actually, I don't know if you guys knew that true fucking story. I just fucking remembered that. My mom used to make me put an accent over the I and then finally in middle school, I was like, mom, I'm not dealing with this bullshit anymore. And I put my foot down and I was like, I am not walking around telling people Sophia with an F Franklin with a Y and
And an accent over the I for the first name, like the fuck out of here. Also, side note, my mom's maiden name and the last name I grew up having is Franco. And it was hyphenated for two seconds. It was Sophia Franco Franklin. And my middle name is Vanina, which rhymes with Sophia. So it was Sophia Vanina Franco Franklin. Like, why are you trying to put me through that trauma? Yeah.
Hi, everyone. Thanks for fucking joining the show and listening to that tangent. I am recording from WTF Media Studios, the only place to record. It's fucking incredible, chic, amazing, and Soho the best. I do have a merch update.
We have sold out of the I have options collection three times and we will not be restocking it again. I think there's shorts, trucker hats, tote bags and phone cases are left. That's it. So if you want to grab it, you better grab it ASAP.
Um, I am going to be doing this episode solo. I'm laughing because I'm not actually solo. I have two eavesdroppers in the fucking room, which is my producer and Ali Asmar. You guys know her. She's been on the show before she's staying with me. And we were just laughing our asses off because...
I got my teeth whitened professionally for the first time yesterday. I've never had it done by like a dentist or whatever. I've only used Crest white strips. And what am I about to say? I will 100% take back if Crest wants to sponsor me in any way, shape or form or do any type of collab. But like those whitening strips are,
Fuck you up. Like those things fuck your shit up. Allie and I, we would put them on and I know you're supposed to leave them on for 30 minutes. Why? Fuck that. I want my teeth to be five shades wider. So we would go to sleep wearing them, sleep with the strips on.
And wake up in the morning with the worst. It's this pain that's indescribable. I'm sure a lot of people have felt it. It's your nerves inside of your teeth. And it hurts so fucking bad. And this one time, Allie and I, the pain was so unbearable. And we woke up in the morning that we decided that we needed to drink alcohol to fix it.
Because like, God forbid you take a Tylenol or, you know, put numbing something on your teeth. We were like, we need alcohol to numb the pain. I've heard they in the olden days, they would put a little bit of whiskey on their finger and shove it in their baby's mouth when it was teething or some shit. And we were like, you know, we should do hot toddies.
For those of you who don't know what a hot toddy is, it is hot tea and then you put whiskey in it. And so it was 8 a.m. We took our crust whitening strips off. We made ourselves some hot toddies. My mom decided that she wanted me to drive my little brother Lucas to school. How old was he? He had to have been like young, young, young, middle school, maybe younger than that.
And I didn't want my mom to know that I had just stole her whiskey and that I had been drinking at 8 a.m. So I said, dope. Yeah, of course I'll take him to school. He's probably in a fucking car seat. He was that young. I drive Lucas to school. I ran over like three curbs. This poor fucking kid.
And then when I got home, my mom asked to smell my breath and then she knew exactly what was up. But yeah, that's just a little bit about teeth whitening. I was out until like 3 a.m. last night. Woke up at 830, though, because I'm a fucking animal. And the reason I woke up so early is because I had therapy this morning.
Which I've never had a therapy session right before a recording session. And I'm wondering if that's going to make me more vulnerable or if I'm going to just feel way more ashamed about all the shit I'm about to talk about. I don't fucking know. Oh, you guys, I got a new therapist, by the way.
I had to get rid of the old one. Bless his heart. If you guys remember my old therapist, he was the one that would... The first time I met him, he had Beats headphones on and a big gulp. And I thought that was a red flag. But then he ended up being super fucking good and whatever. What happened is...
I was paying money to do, you know, a video session. And the last five times I had therapy, his camera was off and mine was on. And I was like, wait, wait.
I don't wait. Is this creepy? I don't know if it's creepy. I don't know what he's up to. Like while the camera's off, like I don't fucking know. I just found it disrespectful. And I, of course, instead of confronting him because I'm so conflict avoidant, I didn't say shit. I just bounced. I got this new therapist.
I'm seeing her in person, which I think therapy can is fine to do over Zoom. I just I felt for me personally, I wanted to do someone in person. Oh, and then she told me actually another side note. She was like, how did things end with your old therapist?
And I told her I just never showed up to a session ever again. And he never heard from me. And I disappeared off planet Earth. And she was like, yeah, so that's actually really not what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to, you know, close it off. Let them know that you're going with a new therapist, blah, blah, blah. I didn't fucking know that. Why? Like, why do you need to tell? Like, are we in a relationship? Like, why do I even need to tell you that shit? Anyways, you guys.
The reason I was up until 3 a.m. It was actually more like 5 a.m. Is because Allie and I went to this event last night. The Chainsmokers were performing. I feel like I'm fucking 16 again. Let me take a selfie. But they were performing. The event seemed really, really cool. I don't want to talk shit. It just, it turned out to be crazy.
an NFT party, basically, with like apes, whatever those fucking apes are called. I always fucking forget. Everyone was wearing QR codes on their clothes, which, by the way, is the dopest shit ever. And I'm going to release merch without shit. I want a T-shirt with a QR code. And when you scan me, it just sends you to my link tree. How fun.
How fucking amazing would that be? And all this small talk and like bullshit you can just cut. Like we don't need to sit here and pretend like da-da-da-da-da and then five minutes later let me get your number. It's like, yo, scan me and then we'll talk later. The party was interesting. I thought it was a little bit misleading. Like I literally want to pull up the fucking invite because I need people to understand where I'm coming from. Let me just pull this shit up and read to you what it said.
Mythical Games.
I don't know what about that fucking invite screams NFT party, but that's what it was. And I also realized at that party, I have had...
just the completely wrong impression about people who work in crypto and NFTs and shit. Because I always imagined some dude dressed in affliction, driving, I don't know, fucking Mustang or some shit and having spiky hair and just being annoying as fuck. No, they're nerds.
They're straight up nerds in the best way, though. They're smart. There are smart people who deal with that shit. Shocker. I sound like a fucking idiot, but they were nerds with game. We definitely got hit on a few times. I will not be following up with them. They were like wearing little backpacks. They knew everything they were talking about. It was amazing. But you guys, I digress. And let's get into the fucking episode because. Because.
Speaking of technology, recently, I don't even think it was recently. It was like a couple months ago. They announced in their new iOS 16 update that we will finally be able to unsend and edit our text. Like, do you guys know how fucking insane that is? I'm personally surprised Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs is dead. Steve Jobs is absolutely dead. And I'm going to take that back. And it was not his idea. RIP Steve, excuse me, Tim Cook, the CEO. I'm such a bitch. The CEO of fucking Apple. I'm surprised it took him this fucking long. I don't think that you can unsend or edit the message unless it's an iMessage though.
So if it's an SMS text, for all you Android users, you won't be able to fucking do this shit, which a lot of people are upset about this update.
And I completely understand where they're coming from because the shady shit you'll be able to pull now. Think about this scenario. You've been suspicious about this girl that your boyfriend talks to you here and there. OK, like, oh, my God, it's his best friend. And she happens to be super fucking hot with huge tits, whatever, like his ex, whatever. You're suspicious of this girl.
So you go through his phone to see their text message exchanges and then there's nothing there, right? Because he deleted everything. You can still be like, bitch, I know you talked to her and the fact that all these messages are deleted is just that that's making you look guilty right there.
You don't even have to do that now. He could literally edit the message so that it looks like she reached out. And then what actually happened is he texted her and said, oh my God, baby, I love you and miss you so fucking much. Let's please get together tonight.
But instead, he edits the message and says, excuse me, Meredith, I would really appreciate if you would respect my new relationship and not reach out to me any longer. Like he can do that shit now. That's fucking insane to think about. So basically, I know I'm cunning.
The next boyfriend I have for Christmas and it's a fucking Android and he will not be allowed to use Apple products whatsoever. I will still have a fucking iPhone. If you're having a convo and you want that shit in writing, you want proof that will stand up in court, you better take it over to SMS text messaging. I think that's literally the only platform left where you can't unsend shit.
There is something very important to note here though. You only have a 15 minute timeframe to unsend or to edit the message. So you better move fast. You screenshot at a convo of talking shit about someone and accidentally sent it to that person. You have 15 minutes to unsend it. What scares me about this feature is how are you gonna know if they've seen it already?
Because I've had instances where I accidentally texted someone that was not supposed to go to them and I was able to cover it up, right? I'm trying to think of an example. Like, oh my God, she's so fucking annoying. If I text that to one of my best friends out of nowhere and we weren't talking about anyone...
She's probably going to think it was about her. I would hurry and unsend that shit or I would hurry and try to cover it up and say like come up with some excuse. It's just going to be wild because how are you going to know when to unsend or when to just try to fucking cover your tracks? You know what I'm saying?
I personally would have rathered Tim Cook, who is alive and well and breathing and is the CEO of Apple. I would have rather him come out with an iPhone, maybe with a feature like, hmm, I don't know, the glass doesn't shatter and it's like unbreakable glass on the screen. So I don't have to get a new iPhone every time I drink alcohol. Yeah.
That sounds so bad. But just every time I drop my phone, I don't know an iPhone that has a great battery life or just take a fucking break.
I need technology to take a break. Tim, we do not need a new update every week. And we don't need a new iPhone every other month. Like we really just don't need it. I swear to God, Tim just did this for the drama. I see you and you're fucked up. That's fine. ♪
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Your cash back really adds up. We all know that Instagram has the feature where you can unsend DMs once they've already sent. I've never used this feature personally, but no one on God's green earth loves this feature more than men.
who swung and missed in the DMs. They fucking, they thrive on this shit. They'll like DM you and...
and then realize there's no chance in hell and then unsend the message. Or they'll DM you and then it will show that you've seen the DM and then they try to unsend it. That is the pussiest shit I've ever seen. Just for all the men listening, I would like you to know there have been multiple times I have decided to DM a guy back after leaving him on scene for months on end.
Those are the type of men that I can respect. And I'm starting a petition for Instagram to remove this feature because it's just for pussies. What if I'm in a relationship? Leave the text there and I will circle back and then come to you, okay? Anyways, you guys, I don't know if I could complain anymore. I feel like I'm constantly complaining about Instagram, which I'm going to complain about one more thing that just occurred to me. Please stop posting shit where you are...
apparently and so obviously trying to brag but because you put it on your close friend's story it's supposed to seem like you're not bragging like the amount of people that have me on their close friends and then will post like I'm on the private jet or like I'm doing this blah blah it you think that because it's on your close friends it doesn't come off annoying as fuck I know for a fact that
that every single person that follows you is on your close friends list and it's fucking stupid. Okay, now we're actually gonna move on and we're gonna move on to a little thing I like to call "Sleut University." Okay?
Yeah, that's right. I am ready to talk my shit. I need everyone to just think of today's class as the last school day. I mean, it's about that time, right? June? Is that when class gets out? I'm pretty sure. It's like the last school day until summer school, which you guys will all be fucking attending because I said so. It's like the end of an era. And I want to go over today's topic once.
And for it to never be repeated ever again. Because I am a changed woman. And part of the reason I'm seeing this new therapist and part of the things we're working through, besides my childhood trauma and everything else, is my habit of cheating that I am going to stop. And I'm actively working on it. This is more like a celebration of our past that will not be carried into our future. Let's...
call it how to manage a sneaky link. That's how we're going to phrase it, okay? And if you don't know what a sneaky link is, it's basically someone you're fucking and
and no one can know about it except the two of you. I mean, the three of you. I guess sneaky links could be like a three-way thing. I don't fucking know. But no one can know. It could be like a secret friends with benefits situation. It could be the person you're cheating on your boyfriend with. It could be one of your coworkers. I mean, sneaky links can apply to a lot of situations. And I feel like an idiot that I'm basically 30 and I'm referring to it as a sneaky link. I don't care. I don't care.
Age is just a number, okay? I can fucking say that. I just want to make something clear about a sneaky link also before I dive into this. This isn't the fuckboy you're hooking up with.
hoping he's going to end up wanting something serious with you. That is not the situation. This is someone who is literally on the side, is a secret, and it will never be more than that, okay? And I think in order to have a sneaky link, you have to take the words pretty literally. A sneaky link in no way, shape, or form should feel as though they are your actual significant other. Because if you wanted them to,
be that than they would be and there's usually a reason you're doing the linking with them sneakily it's a very simple concept I think we're all on the fucking same page finding a sneaky link easy what we're going to focus on today what's not easy is how to manage them
And I am an expert in this field and I'm trying to unlearn these things, but I just want to share my knowledge before I decide to never talk about it ever again. Because managing your sneaky link or friends with benefits situation, it can lead to, let's just say some muddy waters type thing. Let's fucking get into it. Okay.
First things first, manage expectations. This should be common sense, but unfortunately, common sense isn't that common. And I have to say this, make sure that you and your sneaky link are on the same page at all times. For example, if you plan on getting back with your ex,
Do not tell your sneaky link that you plan on being with them just to keep them around. This is where shit gets messy and it will bite you in the ass. Take it from me personally. Second thing to manage your sneaky link is
Know your hours of operations. I don't know how else to phrase that. Like know when you're open for business and when it's fucking closed. Okay, get a fucking sign. I mean, the whole point of a sneaky link is for it to be sneaky and fun.
But with that being said, there needs to be some rules put in place. Remember how Nate Jacobs would have Cassie running to meet him on that dark ass street on a certain day at a specific time? That's how you need to operate. Okay. I would suggest.
the hours are from 12 a.m. to 4 a.m. The freaks come out at night, sleuths. You know what I'm saying? Just whenever you're going to be, you know you're going to be with your boyfriend or whatever, just make it clear this is a time that you should not reach out to me. I mean, I guess you can always put them in your phone as Pizza Hut, but that's still just like a little bit weird if Pizza Hut is texting at 3 a.m. Okay, next thing.
No social media. And this one is fucking major because this is where a lot of you bitches fuck up. A lot of you bitches. You guys get too excited in the act of your sneaky link that you try to sneakily post public photos. I know girls who were in whole ass relationships with
for months and refused to post a picture on Instagram for the duration of their relationship because they were worried their sneaky link would step out of line and end up in the comments. What is the difference between a sneaky link and a situationship?
A situationship is where you have no fucking clue if it's your cousin that you're fucking, if you're going to be dating in the future, if you guys are just, you're only having sex. That's what a situationship is. A sneaky link is you know goddamn well that you are there for one reason and one reason only, and it's to fuck and it's for no one to know about. Because you can be in a situationship and other people know that you're in a situationship.
Sneaky. Emphasis on the word sneaky. You got to keep that shit on the DL. I think that's the fucking difference. You got to treat your sneaky links like a Soho house. Like no flash photography, no face, no K-sleuths. That's what it is. Okay, next thing.
Be safe. See, I am a normal level-headed person, but not really because apparently my entire team roasted me last week and said I was the most delusional person that they knew on planet Earth. I don't agree with them. Be safe.
Because if this person is your sneaky link, assume they view you the same way and they have their own situations going on. Meaning you're probably not the only person they're fucking. Be fucking safe. Try to use contraceptives. Use a condom. But you're probably not doing that either. So get tested regularly. You know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, I have heard of people in marriages...
Who got an STD. Actually, I know someone personally, and this is not even funny, who got HIV from her husband who was cheating on her. Like, you can't fucking trust anyone. Wear a condom every single time you have sex. Literally every single time. I don't even care if you're trying to get pregnant. Just don't.
Just don't even try to get pregnant. Kids are not worth it. Why? Because having a baby or an STD isn't all that sneaky, is it? And then you got to deal with, you know, throwing the fucking chlamydia pill, whatever the one take Drake pill that they give you. You got to figure out how to get your boyfriend to take that without him knowing. It's a whole situation. I think the last thing I want to say about the sneaky links is, and this is the fourth and final rule. Don't catch feelings.
Seriously, just don't do it. I know you probably heard the Cinderella stories about how people ended up marrying the person they were sneaking around fucking in their car at the grocery store parking lot. And like he ended up leaving his wife for me and did it at it. But it's more than likely not going to happen that way.
Nine times out of ten. They were a sneaky link for a reason. Have fun with it and don't get caught up in it. If you start a relationship with someone while they were in a relationship, I have some news for you that should be a red flag and you probably should not take it all that seriously. ♪
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I'm gonna get into my favorite segment and the best segment of every single episode, which is SOS Save Our Sleuths Questions, Stories, Advice. Let's get fucking into it. Okay, first question.
Sophia, I love you and I need some advice. My boyfriend and I are both small business owners and we work a lot. Sunday is our only day off together, so we usually like to stay at home and relax, but my family is always telling me that they never see us and always want us to come over and spend time with them. They make me feel guilty and there's an undertone that they think my boyfriend is ungrateful
isolating me when simply our schedules are crazy. How do I make my family understand that it's not personal and we just want to chill? My boyfriend is an introvert and I know being around my family is draining to him. I feel caught in the middle, unable to make everyone happy. By the way, you guys, because I basically pulled an all-nighter, I have not seen these questions yet, so I'm answering these on the fly. I understand the situation.
If your family is only trying to see you once a week, I understand that you're super, super fucking busy. But for me, family comes first and you really should try to see your mom or your grandma or your dad or whoever it is. The fact that you mentioned your boyfriend feels very drained being around your family. I totally fucking get that. When I have to be around...
Any of my boyfriend's families, even if they have the best family in the world, that shit is draining as fuck. It's not your family. You have to have your best face on. You got to tell them where you went to college and act very da-da-da-da-da and have manners at the table. I see how it's draining, but it's what comes with being in a relationship and he's going to have to be around them.
I don't believe that Sunday is the only day you have off. And if that's the case, fucking invite your mom to watch you work. My mom would kill to be in the studio right now. Oh my God. Kill to just watch me work. She would die. You guys have no idea like how many times my mom has tried to fucking...
write an episode or come up she always comes up to me and is like let's brainstorm an episode together do you guys know that my mom calls me after every single episode every week to critique it I don't know if anyone knows that Sophia you're using the f word too much mom
I have been doing this for four years. Or what was the episode a couple weeks ago I talked about how I threw up on a dick? She literally called me and she was like, I don't even want to talk about what you said on that episode. But I think for next week to make up for it, just be a little more calm and a little more chill and don't talk about anything sexual. Like this is literally the shit I have to deal with. I also had a therapist who used to critique my episodes and that is a boundary that you probably shouldn't cross.
Okay.
Next fucking question. That's a true story. Okay. Hey, Sophia, I am going to keep it sweet and simple. Can you please discuss your opinion on guys who respond with let's go with the flow or let's see what happens or any other bullshit excuse along those lines when asked where the destination of a talking stage is going? Thanks so much. Love the pod.
Number one thing I want to say, girlfriend or guy friend, I don't know, whoever wrote this in,
Why are you asking the person where the destination of the talking stage is going? Why the fuck are you asking that? You look like an idiot. Anyone who brings up the define the relationship thing, it's just, it's total bullshit. I just, and you know what? I'm probably speaking very heteronormatively right now and very old school. I,
I'm not going to be the one to ask to define the relationship. The guy is going to be the one to do that because traditionally men will make it known and they will tell you. So if a guy responds and he says, I'm
Let's just go with the flow or let's see what happens. Let me put that in layman's terms for you. That is him saying, I like your pussy right now and we're never going to be a thing ever, ever, ever. Okay? That's what that means. So you're trying to figure out what to do. Move on. If you want a serious relationship with them, move the fuck on. Just never, never ask again to define the relationship and just bounce and ghost them. ♪
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Hi, Sophia. I need you to validate that I am not crazy. Girl, you're asking a crazy to validate another crazy, but that's okay. They say size does not matter, but as a woman, the size of a man's penis is very important. Have you ever stopped talking to a guy because they had a small dick?
It's happened to me at least three times where I start talking to a cute guy and we're feeling each other. But then I see his shrimp dick and ghost the fuck out of him. I don't need a seven incher, but I need something to work with. It's gotten to the point where I try to get the guy to send me a dick pic ASAP.
Not because I enjoy them, but because I need to make sure they're worth my time and worth the hookup. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this. Also, any suggestions on how to swerve a guy after finding out he has a small penis? Sometimes we're on our way to hooking up and he whips it out for me to be sadly disappointed. Help. Hashtag team Sloot for life.
That was a fucking mouthful. Okay, so asking for a dick pic right off the bat, part of me really respects this, especially if it's just going to be a sexual thing and that's your preference. But I'm also trying to think of it on the flip side. If a dude texted me and was like, hey, I'm going to need you to send me a picture of your pussy, your tits, and your ass before I can like proceed with us talking, I'm
that's probably not the coolest move and I would be f*cking furious. I don't judge you though for asking for the dick pic but this is what I'm gonna say:
I think having a nice-sized dick is preferable, and I'm not going to lie about that. However, if I start dating a guy and I fucking fall in love with a student, he has everything else going for him, and then we decide to fuck and his dick is a shrimp dick, using your words...
I'm going to, that's not like the end all be all. He will have to eat my pussy like a fucking savage and make me come in his mouth 50 times. He'll have to do a bunch of other shit. We'll use a dildo. We will use sex toys. Like we will make shit work. You can make shit work. You can work around that. So I mean, for me on the list of what's important to me in a guy, the dick is not...
I'm going to say it's top five. It probably goes like personality, bank account, looks, loyalty, then dick. If I had to put it in order. But you're asking me...
Any suggestions on how to swerve a guy after finding out he has a small penis? Sometimes we're on our way to hooking up. Just tell him you don't want to have sex and you can lie. I'm on my period or like whatever, whatever the fuck. I have a UTI right now, whatever. Or you don't have to use an excuse and just say, I don't want to because women are allowed to say no for whatever fucking reason they want.
And just tell him you don't want to. What the hell? It's like the easiest shit in the world. Maybe give him a blowjob if you feel bad or just make him meet you out. I will fuck on a first date, obviously, but I have had plenty of instances where I've had a guy just go down on me and nothing else happened or have him finger you maybe. Easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl. Okay, you guys, that is it for this week. I love you guys so much. Follow me on all of my social media, Sophia with an F.
franklin with a y you'll see my ass on my social media you'll see me post drunk embarrassing shit you'll see some motivational shit i don't know about that one and uh if you love the episode or love the show please please please the number one thing i ask is to share with your friends and spread the word so fear the mess and with that i will talk to you next week bye
