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Hello, sleuths, and hi, everybody. Welcome to Sophia with an F. I am back from a two-week stint in Los Angeles. I'm fucking exhausted. I took the red eye. But you know what? That's okay, because today we have a very special guest.
She's actually one you may not typically expect from me, but that's what keeps things fun around here. Am I right? Before we get into this amazing guest, I just felt a very strong need to bring something up.
And it's very important to me and it should be very important to all of us. So let's cut to the chase. This past week, the Supreme Court has drafted a decision to overturn Roe versus Wade, which, as you may know, is a law that protects a woman's liberty to choose to have an abortion. Okay. Pro-life versus pro-choice, which the fact that we're even saying
I'm still going over this and it's still a question and it's still something we're talking about in 2022. And it's a sentence I have to say out loud is fucking...
hilarious and mind-boggling and ridiculous and embarrassing like actually embarrassing I am absolutely livid and you all should be too I don't care and I want to make this very clear what your religious or political views are
This is about human rights. This isn't politics or religion. Human rights. If Roe versus Wade is overturned, that means at least 26 states. Okay. And, you know, going back to my fucking geography class in sixth grade, there's a total of 50. That means 26 states will immediately ban abortions.
Which also means other states will follow quickly and will also do the same thing. Or these other states will place very strict laws about who and how and when someone can get an abortion. And the thing is, prohibiting women from the right to have an abortion will not stop abortions from happening.
It will only stop safe abortions from happening, which will put women's lives at risk. Okay? Period. There's your newsflash. Fucking there's a little, let me jog your memory. That's what's going to happen. I don't want to get ahead of myself because it's not like they ever gave a fuck about our lives to begin with. So, oh my God, I need to stop. But it's like the interesting part about it is women,
With this overturning, women are like truly second-class citizens in America. Truly. And you fucking, you know for a fact that if men were the ones that were able to get pregnant...
you would be able to get an abortion at a fucking sports bar or a golf course or a strip club. Like that, I'm laughing, but it's like 100% true. And there's nothing pro-life about forcing people to give birth against their will and then not even providing healthcare resources for them afterward. This like, this archaic ideology will only contribute to the
already fucked up like foster care system that we have which is like horrendous and women and children dying and so many more things that I don't even have the bandwidth to discuss right now so
I'm going to chill, but next time someone is trying to argue your human right to you, ask them the last time they adopted a child or even helped a single mother in need because they must be so morally superior. I'm sure they will not have a fucking answer for you and I can go on for days about this until there's smoke coming out of my nose and ears, but sleuths,
I say all of this to say now is not the time to freak the fuck out and hide, but to get involved as much as we can. And I know what I can really do as a lowly servant and as a podcaster who sits up here and fucks around with you guys each week is
I know I have a platform that I can use to spread information and to be there for you guys who may be in a fucked up situation right now. And I want to be there for you. So let's take care of ourselves. Let's take care of each other and follow the news as much as we can. Let's be angry, but not hopeless. And...
Let's just burn down the houses of every old fuck with a penis who thinks he has a say over what we can do with our bodies, okay? Like, mind your fucking business. Like, don't you have prostate cancer to attend to or something? Fuck off. Bye. Anyways, guys, thank you for listening to this very important PSA, and let's get into the episode. 🎵
Hi everybody, welcome to Sophia with an F. I am here with a very, very special someone. Someone who's very different than the usual guests that I have on my show, but at the same time, very similar in the sense that she's all about female empowerment and
You are a badass entrepreneur, a business owner, and real as fuck. Thank you. Mari Llewellyn, everybody. Hi, Sloots. How are you doing today? I'm honored to be here. I'm excited. You're honored. I'm honored. I'm honored. I have never. The fact that you've been letting me enter your home. You guys, this is the nicest thing.
I have ever been in my entire life. Sophia's like going upstairs and she's in all my closets and wardrobes. We're having, we're having a good time. I walked in here and like, I swear I like opened your fridge. Like didn't give a fuck. I please do. It's stunning. It's, it's incredible. Um, Mari, I'm so excited to talk to you because you are all of those things I just mentioned, but, um,
The reason you're a little bit different than the people I usually have on is kind of your bread and butter is health and fitness. Yes. Would you agree with that? I don't think I've ever had anyone on my show that's in that. Ooh.
Type of area at all That's exciting for me It's exciting for you And it's also very exciting for me Because I need serious help in that arena I mean you look amazing I mean I look amazing but it's all fake It's a spray tan I get it It's a fraud Exactly I'm so happy to have you here Actually Mari full disclosure I was so excited to tell you this
How I first heard about you is someone on my team. Yeah. They may or may not be sitting in this room right now. I had a feeling something was happening with Miss Delaney. Is the biggest fucking fan of you ever. That's how I came across like your profile. Oh.
She lost 50 pounds and you were a huge inspiration for that. Wow. That's incredible. Right? That's incredible. Right. Props to you, Delaney. She looks amazing. So you've had like an insanely successful career. You've been very open about your mental health struggles, which is also something I really admire about you. We're similar in that way. Yeah.
very no bullshit like open book genuine I'm down to talk about my problems 100% that's like how I started Instagram I started by talking about my struggles and like mistakes it's
been interesting keeping that up in the climate of social media today it's changed so much right so now I'm like I have to give myself an extra push to be super honest because it's so scary right um but yeah that is like the core of my brand I would say yes and I think it's the core of mine as well and I totally get what you mean by this scary thing because it's
Any little thing is taken out of context now and just it's scary to say anything, right? 100%. Because it's so it's like so overanalyzed or like under a microscope, but times 10. Even when I post like one of my go to videos is a what I eat in a day. Uh huh. And I
am scared to even post those lately I feel like I have to put disclaimers and tell people like I'm not telling you to eat this way this is just for ideas right because people take everything very personally um I've had a TikTok video go viral for like people being mad at what I was eating and stop what were you eating um I
I think I was getting ready for my wedding. And it was a period of time where I was like eating kind of like in a keto diet. Okay. And people were furious that I wasn't eating carbs. Now I eat carbs. It changes. Like you change and evolve. Why are people getting mad at Mari for not eating carbs that day? Like, do people have better things to do or not? I know. Can you imagine scrolling and being like, mmm.
This fucking bitch. Get some bread. Get some bread. Who fucking cares? I know. It's interesting because even watching the video now, I was eating a healthy amount. Like it was like peanut butter and lettuce burgers. And it's like, I definitely wasn't under eating. I think people just felt attacked by what I was eating. I don't know. Yeah.
You know that? Have you ever seen The Devil Wears Prada? So many times. It's one of my faves. Me too. What's that line when the girl, they're getting ready for New York Fashion Week or Paris Fashion Week? She's eating a cube of cheese. Right. She says, I want to diet and it's just, I only eat when I feel like I'm going to pass out and I just have a cube of cheese. Right. It was not that. That's not what you're, those were not your vignettes.
your videos no no I love cheese love good cheese but like you with fitness and nutrition you learn and you grow and at that time keto was working great for me and it was great for my mental health and I was getting ready for my wedding like it was a high pressure time now I have more variety in my diet I have bread I have
potatoes. So it's just about learning and like expanding. Yeah. People are crazy. I want to pick your brain. I have a list in front of me right now that would require us to hang out for the next five days for the amount of fitness health questions that I have. OK, I'm ready. I'm like, I'm just so excited. By the way,
the way you your body is fucking insane I just no one sees the visual right now and I need to give it to them it's a goddess okay you insane you lost your
A bunch of weight, right? 90 pounds total. 90? At my heaviest, I was 250 and now I'm 150. So I guess that was 100 pounds total. That is insane. It's weird to think about for me even. Right. Because it was such a crazy...
time in my life, that fitness journey. Like I really just isolated myself and all I did was focus on my fitness and I needed to do that at that point. But now I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh, that was insane. So it's interesting because I was not a social media user. Like I'm 27 and I didn't get Instagram until I was like in college. And that was around the time I was gaining all this weight.
Um, it was for a few reasons. I was diagnosed with BPD, which is borderline personality disorder for those who don't know. And they put me on, I can curse on here, right? Um,
- Sweetheart, sweetheart, please. There's nothing you could not say on here. - I was gonna say I gained a shit ton of weight because they put me on all of these medications at once. Like that was kind of the go-to when you were diagnosed with something. It's like, let's put her on a cocktail of medication and disclaimer, I'm not a doctor, but it was too much. And I was 100% checked out of reality
eating on the meds, like zero grip on reality. I was in my final semester of college, failing every class. Wow. My apartment was a disaster. Greg and I were broken up at the time because of it. I had no friends. It was crazy. And I was eating all these things that I had never like been attracted to. Like suddenly I wanted to eat.
junk food. And it was like a pregnant lady. But yes, literally, literally. And I was still drinking alcohol on the meds because I was in my crazy phase. I did have a crazy phase. So I was drinking on meds and gaining all this weight. So at that point, I wasn't using Instagram. And I went on this fitness journey where I felt like
I just need to do this on my own. So I, which is incredible. Like, yeah, I guess like I had to cut out friends at the time because all my friends knew me as like the drinking girl and like enabling. Exactly. I was the, I was the crazy one of the group and suddenly I didn't want to go out anymore. I didn't want to drink anymore.
Right. So I. Me looking at you because I'm still that person. And I'm like, wait, what friends do I need to cut out of my life so I can be on this journey? But it's like it's lonely. I was by myself. I moved back in with my dad. I left school. Greg and I did eventually like rekindle and he helped me. That's really cute. Yeah, we did rekindle. How long were you guys? I'm asking because like I'm going through something a little bit similar. It's a little bit on the down low, but I guess not anymore. No.
How long were you guys separated for? I would say six months. And it felt like a long time. Did you guys like text during that time or it was no contact? I feel like I was texting him and he wasn't texting me back.
I love the honesty if I'm being honest like he was my best friend and I really admired him because Greg has been into fitness since like middle school like he's been bodybuilding since middle school holy shit in college I was like doing what everyone else was doing and drinking and going to the cafeteria and like literally eating hot dogs as my meal for the day and he was like making chicken and rice and like salad like yeah go to the gym twice a day I was like who is this
Who is this healthy ass dude? And how is he doing this when he's fucking 18, 19, 20? In college and like not going out. So I really was like... That's husband material. Husband material. That's the guy that you grab and you're like, let's go do something together. Exactly. So I just had to get my shit together. So eventually we rekindled and he taught me a lot about fitness because he was so into bodybuilding. So...
I had him. He was actually weighing me each week because I didn't even want to look at the scale. I was so scared to see that number. And he would just tell me how much I had lost each week. He was like, oh, you're two pounds down. Wait, that's really, really cute. It's cute. And I found out later he was lying sometimes. Like if I had lost no weight that week, he would be like, oh, a pound and I'm being cute.
I'm fucking dead right now. Stop. I'm serious. Because he didn't want me to get discouraged. Isn't that cute? Who? Where is this man? Does he have a brother? He's at work. I know. I get that DM all the time. Like, does Greg have a brother? He does not. Oh, my God. That's also brilliant, though. I know. So every single week you were losing something. Yes. In my head. In my head. Maybe not your body. Wow. I'm killing.
it like let's go like let's go I know you know because you always hit a plateau when you're losing weight and it can be such a mind fuck and then you're like well fuck this and then you just like go off the rails and I think he could see like how committed I was to
to this and he just didn't want me to feel like you know what that is that is gaslighting that I support 150 positive gaslighting positive gaslighting you guys heard of that you guys heard it here first that's so amazing
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Your cash back really adds up. So you were put on all these meds and then they really just changed like your personality and your outlook on life and made you gain weight. Yeah. I mean, I didn't really have a personality on those meds. I feel like it was just zombie kind of zombie mode. And it's interesting to look back on because I think
I needed the meds at the time because I was a danger to myself. Like I was drinking too much. Self-harm was involved. Like it was getting really bad. So I do think meds were needed, but it was way too much. So I eventually took myself off of them, which is like the one thing they say you shouldn't do. Yeah. Not judging you at all, at all, because I mean, it's your body. Crazy decisions. So, okay.
Okay. So you feel like they put you on these meds and they helped you at the time, right? In a sense. Yeah. Yeah.
But then over time, you know, I actually was on antidepressants like a few years ago. And I'm not trying to compare depression to BPD at all because I don't know. And that's not my place. But I remember walking around feeling like a zombie as well. Just kind of it was kind of bizarre. It's like you don't feel like.
the pain you don't feel the low lows and you don't feel the high highs you just kind of like coast in the middle exactly and that's fine but that wasn't really how I wanted to live my life like I don't think I would be in my position right now if I didn't really feel things like maybe this sounds negative but sometimes I feel like it's my anxiety that has kind of fueled me through this whole journey that's so good um
So, yeah, I would prefer to feel personally. And I actually do take a little bit of medicine now. It's like super minimal and it helps me a ton. And I feel great on it. I don't feel like a zombie. I feel like myself. So I think at the time I just was put on too much and the right the wrong thing. And that's the thing is.
First of all, doctors a lot of times like to jump to medication, which a lot of times you need medication. I like fully support that. But also I think you kind of have to play around with it. It's not like the dosage and the meds they give you right off the bat are the magical potion, you know? Totally. And it's interesting to me that they don't talk about diet or exercise because... I was about to bring that up as well. That for me was what...
just fixed not fixed but it got me to a place where I was a functioning human your life was manageable yes and it was now I'm the happiest I've ever been and I think it's due to diet and exercise and all of those things but it's not something that they're going to bring up when you're in a doctor's office which makes me mad honestly big pharma guys facts facts
I totally agree with you. I mean, I have not. I have been eating like shit and just being disgusting and like not taking care of my body. And I wonder why I've been waking up with anxiety. That'll do it. And sadness. And I'm going to change it, but...
I think it's crazy how there's so many doctors. Really, I think the first thing that should be prescribed is how is your diet? Yeah. How is your fitness? Are you getting sunlight? Yes. You know, all of those things. Are you going outside? That's so big. How was it going, like quitting everything cold turkey? Because that scares me. Yeah.
The medicine you mean? Yes. From what I remember, it was pretty brutal. But the best thing I've done, like when I look back, I'm so happy that I hit rock bottom and I had that really difficult period because I was in like fight or flight mode. So I was like, okay, what do I do to fix this? And that's how I found fitness. I was like, okay, well, the one thing-
I can control right now is my health. I have Greg as inspo. I started pretty much just like copying his diet, which wasn't the best thing to do. He was like, you're literally eating the same amount as a 210 pound bodybuilder. And I was like, but you're still losing weight. It's the craziest thing. It's the craziest thing. So I had to reel it in a little, but yeah,
Yeah, it like fitness really saved me because it gave me something to be passionate about. I wasn't super passionate about school or any of my projects. I was just kind of like doing the bare minimum. And my fitness journey was the first time that I was doing something just for me. And I had an end goal. Right.
By the end of my fitness journey, I was like, this is the happiest I've ever been. I don't think anything could get better. And then it did. So, wow. I didn't really know where it was going.
You asked me if I was posting on social. I wasn't. I didn't really know how to use social. And I think I didn't want other people's input on my journey because it felt so personal. I had like 900 followers. And I remember posting my first transformation photo and being- Chucking your phone across the room. Yeah, terrified. I was like, what are my 900 followers from my school gonna think? Like, oh my gosh. But it was that transformation photo that-
blew up and led to me like using my Instagram as a diary basically wow what led you to like post the photo Greg encouraged me so I made this little fuck is Greg you're like Greg's diet Greg's fitness he's the best where is he he's the best he's funny because he's such a crazy personality but he's not like he doesn't love to be on camera
I always try to get him in my content and he's just not into it. He's not? No, he's like a businessman. I like that a lot better. Can you imagine if you were dating the dude that's like... True, true. Like fighting for the spotlight? No. That would be odd. So that was always kind of like the roles we had. But he encouraged me to post it. It was this little like side by side I had made.
just for my own like enjoyment right he was like you should put that up and I was like oh I don't know so I did and all these like bigger fitness pages were reposting it I was getting all these dms and well for me it was a lot of dms and comments at the time I'd never seen anything like that and they were all like what what was your workout plan what was your nutrition I was about to ask you like can you please like break it down for us I mean how long did it take you to lose 90 pounds
Seven months. Total. Yeah. Wait, is that crazy for me to say that's it? Yeah. I was expecting to hear you say like years or something. It was pretty... So the way I look now, I would say I have more muscle and like definition and I by no means did I have that by the end of seven months, but I had lost...
A lot of weight. Would you work out every single day? I think it was every day. I don't do that now. You don't? No. How many times a week? Four or five. My workouts are pretty intense. I like an intense workout. Okay, can you please... I mean, this is what I really need to know. So what do you do? So I follow my Slay app, which is my fitness app. Okay. That was our first...
product with these workout guides, PDFs, and now it's become an app. Love it. That's like weightlifting hit training. And that is that was a question I wanted to ask you. Weightlifting and hit is where the fuck it's at. That's what's going to transform your body, right? Yes. And on my fitness journey, I pretty much just did weights. And I think I'm so happy that that's what I did because it completely changed my
the composition of my body. Like I didn't just lose fat. It changes your shoulders and your butt and like everything just looks better. You know what I mean? You just said the word butt. You have a great butt though. The reason I'm here today is because...
I need you to, I don't care if we have to sit here for 12 hours. I need you to tell me, Sophia, this is how we're going to get you like a J-Lo booty. But listen, I need one too. I don't have the genetics for that. And I wish I did like that. My quads take over everything and it's upsetting. But weights is like what you have to do for a big butt. It's weights. 100%.
My butt. I love how you said genetics. Can we just can we acknowledge that you I can want JLo's butt all day, but my body isn't shaped like that. It's not going to look like same like I'm tall. I don't know if anyone listening is like a tall gal, but I'm like 5'10", 5'11". And I just don't have those genetics. But your butt's just going to look better.
better it will just look better it will just look better like if we're hip thrusting and squatting and lunging like yes that will just do good things for your butt 100% and it's all about weights I would say the heavier the better the heavier the better I don't know I feel like you'll love it I really do it's intimidating we want to see Sophia like jacked
Wait, so, okay, are you saying kind of like fuck the Pilates? Like fuck that type of stuff? I'm not saying that because if someone likes Pilates and that's how they get their workout in, I think that that's awesome. Great point. I haven't actually tried Pilates. I should. It looks great for the core. But if you want to grow, I would say heavy weights. Yeah. It's not even grow. It's
Yeah. The weights. Like my butt is sagging to the ground like a diaper and I need it to like lift the fuck up. I didn't know it isn't. No. Marino.
Mari and I are going to go like compare butts right fucking after this. But so it's all about the weights is really like what's going to transform the body. In my opinion. Yes. And I mean, I've heard that from a lot of people. Yes. But I do like mixing in the hit and getting my heart rate up for some cardio. It's funny. Like,
As I was saying before, I've evolved throughout. When I first started fitness, all I did was weights and I was obsessed with bodybuilding. And now I'm more into this like athletic style of training.
But I would say girls are always afraid to get bulky. And that's interesting to me because gaining muscle as a female is really challenging. Like it takes years and years. And like you would literally need to be eating like chicken breast all day long. Really? Yeah. I would say it's challenging to actually get bulky. And I think what women don't realize is –
lifting weights burns tons of calories. Right. You know, it's hard. Like it's hard work. So you're going to get that fat loss and also change your body composition with weights. And it's just making you tighter. Yeah, exactly. And just look more fit. I think muscular women look super feminine, in my opinion. I do too. They look great. I am having the opposite problem right now where since I've moved to New York, Mari, I've lost 10 pounds. Is it all the walking?
Do you think? I think it's just the stress of moving. I think it's, I've been 10 times busier, like da, da, da, da, da. And my personal trainer every single day is harassing me like,
Did you eat today? Because I don't see it on my fitness pal. Are you like a forget to eat gal? Yes, I am. See, I can't relate to that. I think about eating all day. It depends on the day. I'm one of those people like there's certain days where I'm eating all day and certain days where I'm not. I get it. How do you feel about intermittent fasting? So Greg does that. I mean, he'll go a whole day without eating sometimes. And I'm like, I could not. They say for women, it's a little...
riskier because of our hormones okay um i know some people really like it for like focus and things like that it's not my fave it will make me moody yeah i prefer to have like a nice stable blood sugar throughout the day right
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Okay, let me ask you this question. How do you get the energy to work out? Because I have to take pre-workout. I mean, that's probably another fucking reason why I've lost 10 pounds. Let's be real. I was gonna say. Which is why I wanted to ask you about the quitting cold turkey. Mm.
Because I want to just stop taking the Adderall, stop taking everything. But I'm so worried to do that because I'm like, I can't risk the downtime, quote unquote. That's going to follow it. I used to take Adderall in college because I was prescribed and I would, I swear, eat a Subway sandwich a day. That was it.
Right. Adderall's wild. It's insane. I mean, it's meth. Yeah, yeah. It's not like meth. It is meth. But, and I know, you know, obviously if you have ADHD, you need the Adderall. It's prescribed to me, but...
I don't want to be on anything really. I know. But I'm so scared of that time after quitting. Yeah. Like how am I going to get out of bed? How am I going to get work done? I feel like diet again is huge. I think a lot of women skip healthy fats. Like a lot of women are scared of fats. But we need that. Like females are –
meant to eat a lot of fat. So like salmon, olive oil. Okay. Avocado. Avocado, huge. We love avocado. Do you love avocado? Obsessed. That type of stuff is going to give you great energy. I also feel like excessive caffeine and sugar is going to make your energy crash. Right. What I will say is like, I think a lot of people think that I just like rise in the morning and like ready for my workout, but I struggle with that too. Okay. Thank God.
I was about to ask you. I'm like, there's no fucking way that every single day you're like, let's get this workout in. It's also routine. Routine is so important because I wake up at 5.30 every day and I just- Goodbye. I go directly to the gym because I don't even give myself room to think about it. That's smart. Yeah, because I'm such an anxious person. If I put my workout at 12,
up until 12 it's all I'm thinking about like fuck I have to go work out me too yeah so I have to roll out of bed into my gym clothes and go right so it's not something that like you wake up and you're like oh my god I'm going to Disneyland no it's not like that no and I go through weeks at a time where I'm like this is the last thing that I want to do seriously some days I'm like oh this could be kind of fun um but I seriously go through weeks where I don't want to do anything
Okay, I think that's probably the most refreshing thing to hear ever coming from you because it seems like when you see these fitness influencers, I mean, you're so much more than that, obviously. Thank you. You have an incredible career and all of these things, but...
I just assume that they were born different and they just love to do that shit. Not born different. It's the routine. It's just because I'm so like used to doing it every day that it just comes naturally to me. And when I don't do it, it feels like something's missing. Yes. So I would say routine. And probably you got into that routine when you were,
when you were losing the weight. Yeah, it has changed. Like when I was losing the weight, I was still figuring it out. I would still kind of like, I didn't really have a job when I was losing the weight. I was just kind of like living at dad's figuring shit out. So I would just go to the gym when I felt like it. Now I have a job and now I have somewhere to be. So like now I have to go at six
But it almost helps. Like I would say setting a time every day that you know you're going to the gym is helpful because if you just like loosey-goosey like decide that day, then it's just messy and you're never going to end up going. You're speaking to my soul right now because that's what I do. I wake up every day like, hmm, what time can you fit in to go? Exactly. I think that's the problem.
And then it stresses me out. Exactly. Wow. So same time every day. You do 530. I get there by six.
See, I start my day around 2, 3 p.m. And that's not an exaggeration. How late do you go into the day? Because I'm in bed by 9. Oh, I go until about 4 a.m., 5 a.m. Excuse me? It's just, it's horrifying. So you're nocturnal. I don't want to be. I don't want to be. I think I'm just in this like phase of my life that's just like self-sabotage, destruct mode, let's go. Let's do everything that's unhealthy. That's a New York schedule. Yeah.
I'm on the LA schedule you're on the New York schedule right look at this house that we're in right now and then we'll pan over to my apartment and it will all fucking make sense but New York is a vibe it's incredible I love it
I used to live there too. And it was like, it's an energy. It is. But people, I feel like in California, LA, San Diego, they care about health and wellness. Yeah. New York, that's not as important. It's a grind in New York. It's where's the money at. Exactly. You know? Yeah. Sometimes it's at 4 a.m.
Exactly. Guys, I'm making a shit ton of money. That is why I'm up until 5 a.m. So, OK, so you went through this huge body transformation. Yeah. And that before and after pictures like what launched kind of your entire career. Right. Do you ever get annoyed or just feel like you're
you are sick of always being like the before and after Mari yes do you get what I'm saying yeah it actually fucks with me a little bit recently I've been having a harder time with it because I feel like I'm known for this before and after maintaining the after is what makes me feel like I have pressure oh do you know what I mean like now that people know that I'm like
the on the fit side it kind of feels like I can never be bloated I can never they're waiting they're waiting to see if you like yes and it almost feels like I have to keep going like I need to have more off days and I think moving to LA has made that more challenging because everyone here is perfect a 10 out of 10 out of 10 I hate it here I would I want to die I hate the airport one yet
Yeah. I've been to one once. Listen. For two seconds. I love Air One. Like, shout out to Air One. I love you. But every customer in there is a supermodel. I know. It's a beautiful grocery store, but the people in there make me feel like shit. Also, I don't want to go to the grocery store and have to look cute. You have to at Air One. I know. Mm-mm.
I know. See, New York, you just go to the bodega. There's a homeless person that's about to stab you. We miss the bodega. Oh, you were from New York. Yeah, we used to go to bodega. I mean, the egg sandwiches. Greg loves a good bodega. And he like, we used to try and look for them here. And they don't exist. They don't exist. It's Irwan. And how safe did you feel going into the bodega wearing a fucking onesie and Uggs? Fine. Fine.
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Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th Mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at midmobile.com slash save whenever you're ready. $45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes. See details. Your fitness journey and where you are now was, it really happened because of your,
you being in a pretty not good mental state. I do not sound educated. You were having mental health issues. Yes. And that's where the weight loss happened. That's where this career and this fitness journey happened and the success. I would say my fitness journey was
largely because of my mental health issues. Honestly, like at the time, my disorder was ruling my life. Like I couldn't go to the grocery store without getting triggered. It was affecting all my relationships. Like it really was just consuming my life. And that's what I wanted to fix. Can you tell me, because I don't know that much about it at
all it's borderline personality disorders what you were diagnosed with at what age um i was diagnosed when i was 18 okay um which is an interesting or 18 or 19 um
It's not spoken about at all, which is I'm glad you asked because no one knows what it is. And I think the name of it is scarier than it actually is. Yeah. Anyone that says personality disorder gets like freaked out. Right. So the name of it's interesting, but essentially what BPD is, is it's a trauma related disorder. Okay. So most people with BPD have like traumatic childhoods or, you know, whatever it may be.
And you go into your adult life and things hurt you in a different way. They say it's like having third degree burns, but like on your emotions. So just like a look could trigger you because you kind of have a lack of identity or core. Okay. So-
Yeah. It's a really painful disorder. Now that I'm older, I've heard Madison Beer talk about having it. Pete Davidson has it. So that's been interesting. But at the time when I was diagnosed, I looked up the disorder, obviously, because I kind of felt a sense of relief because I was in so much pain. Absolutely. When you can put a name on it, right? Yes. That gave me a huge sense of relief. And I was able to like look it up and
figure it out. But looking it up was really scary because there was a lot of stigma online about the disorder. And it's not very well understood. And I think now that there's way more studies going on, people are learning more about it. It's helpful. But yeah, back then I was like getting in fights with Greg over slices of pizza and ending it by like me smashing a window. Like it was very...
dramatic and scary um the disorder was like really ruling my life and now I'm in a place where I manage it very well so it doesn't really affect me on a day-to-day basis anymore that's incredible but I you don't really ever get rid of the disorder you just learn how to manage it of course so
I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it sounds like BPD. Or is that just like one of the symptoms? I'm sure. I'm sure everyone kind of. So, for example, in my case, as a child, when your parents are supposed to kind of like encourage you and give you confidence and affirm you and if you don't receive that.
repeatedly as a child if you're not getting nurtured correctly you learn how to deal with your emotions in unhealthy ways right um so eventually that comes out in your adulthood so if you're not getting the correct parenting from a young age that that shows up later in life as bpd sometimes um i know everyone's story's super different with that but for me that's what that was okay got it
And did you grow up thinking that like there was some diagnosis? No. No. I thought it's interesting when I look back because it's so obvious to me. But when you're a child, you just think everything's your fault. Of course. Like my parents got divorced, thought it was my fault. Like I remember spending just like a lot of time being sad and I thought that that was normal. And then you go to college and you're by yourself and there's drinking and you're like,
oh, things are kind of worse than I thought. Yeah. So yeah, no, I had no idea. Well, that's what I was going to ask is because how are you supposed to know like I would like to see a therapist and you know what I mean? I think for me,
it started showing up in small ways when I was younger. And then by the time I was in college, I was self-harming and like things were getting out of control and that's how I knew. But I did have a therapist from when I was 14. So I was put in therapy because I was diagnosed with ADD actually. And I stayed in therapy because my parents got a divorce. We were, you know, everyone's parents were getting divorced at the time. So I was in therapy for that.
Um, but ended up just staying with her and she was the one that kind of brought up this concept to me and everything really clicked because I was having symptoms of like struggling to be alone. Um, these crazy mood swings, like things that just weren't adding up. And I was-
with people my age and seeing how they reacted to different situations and it was not the same as me. Right. You know, and it was just starting to affect my life in a way where I couldn't ignore it. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. I think so many people, they don't want to even know if there's something wrong.
Totally. It's really scary because even like the name borderline personality disorder sounds intimidating to me. And I even get nervous like telling people online because people assume things about me based on that disorder. But what's nice is having a platform now I can kind of like destigmatize it and show them you can still be a happy, successful person with this disorder.
Yes. Because a lot of people who get diagnosed with BPD, like they think that they're doomed. Right. You know, and that's really sad. I know. It's so wild when I talk to people like even about just going to therapy and they're like, oh my God, like therapy and they like talk shit about it. I know. And I'm like –
you tell me you have bpd you tell me you have any disorder and it goes right over my head yeah if anything i just feel like i relate i'm like okay cool like i have this yeah we all have something that's every single person listening i don't want to be rude you have some type of disorder something's wrong with you to some extent one that you all do okay i mean but it's true yes we all have a problem whether we discuss it or not yeah
honestly I would prefer to be on the side of like talking about it and dealing with it and straight on right you're a brave ass bitch you're posting this before and after picture you don't give a fuck you're talking about having borderline personality I definitely give a fuck I'm like I wish I could claim that but no I gave I give a huge fuck you're like no I've been trying to get that picture taken down do you ever wish the picture wasn't out there you're like fuck it oh
no no it's why I have a business I'm glad it's out there yeah that was like the beginning of my career so I without that picture I would not have a career so thank god it's out there yeah do you think sometimes you because your mentality had to have completely changed from when you were that girl yeah to now and 90 pounds lighter yeah do you ever catch yourself like falling back into that
old mentality? It's my biggest fear, actually. Yeah, I have like a lot of anxiety around slipping backwards. So for example, like I cut off drinking at that time, right? I had a barbecue at my house like Saturday and I was drinking. Even drinking alcohol makes me feel anxious because I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm like slipping backwards. So I actually have to like really tell myself it's okay to have fun because I have a hard time
Like, I feel like I'm going back to who I used to be. You're terrified of, like, going back to that place. Yeah, I would say. And I'm working on that. Like, I don't think it's healthy for me to be avoiding... Yeah. Like, I'm still that girl. That's okay. Of course. I'm a...
new and improved version. Right. It will always be a part of you. Exactly. And I'm trying to be okay with that, you know, bridging that gap. Thank you so much for sharing. I really had no idea what that really meant because I heard the term. Yeah. You know? Yeah. People are talking about it more now, which is great. Yes. And I get a lot of DMs from girls with BPD and they say thank you for talking about it because...
No one does. And it's scary. But also, it doesn't have to be this crazy serious thing. Me and Greg make jokes about BPD all the time. I love that. Have you ever heard the book Walking on Eggshell? No.
Why do you bring that up? Because that is the reason that I even know about borderline personality disorder. How do you know this book? Because my ex told me to read it because his ex-girlfriend had it. Was that his way of saying I have it? I don't know. So my mom had that book. Oh. And I remember being like...
the title of it, if you have BPD and you're trying to like figure it out,
It was like very upsetting for me that she had this book. And that's why I remember it so well. How crazy. And being like, oh my God, no one wants to be around me. Like everyone's walking on eggshells around me. Wow. How bizarre is like randomly brought that book up? That is weird. But there are a lot of books out there that you can read to like help. Actually, I have a really good one in my office I can show you. But yeah, that one stands out for sure. The Walking on Eggshells. I remember being like, damn.
Everyone hates me. I wonder if my family. Okay. Well, I'm thinking like, why did my boyfriend tell me to read that book? Did you read it? I read like, I think the first few chapters was so long ago, but Mari, I feel like we're running out of time and I'm pissed because I have 7,000 more questions, but
You are incredible, phenomenal. Thank you for being so just like real and raw. Can we talk about all of the shit you have going on? Your app, first of all. Yes, the Slay app. We have a summer challenge coming. I love that name, Slay. Slay. I came up with it like four years ago and it was when I was using Slay in every sentence. Right. And I'm happy.
I'm happy about it. I like the name. I think it's still cool. I think it's cool. Is this app going to change my butt? Because I'm signing up today. It will. We have a nice glute day every week. Oh my God. Multiple times a week. Okay.
I'm sold. We'll get you a membership. Okay. We'll get you a membership. Mm-hmm. I also have a supplement company named Bloom. The best. Our best seller is Greens. You may have seen them on TikTok. If you're on TikTok, they are like the bloating hack. Mm-hmm. If you're going to get anything from Bloom, I would get the Greens. I have some for the gals here. It's, yes, yes. It's the best. Yes. We have a great coconut flavor I would recommend. Mm-hmm.
And yeah, everything I'm doing is on my Instagram page right now. Where can they find you? At Mari Llewellyn, M-A-R-I. Oh, M-A-R-I. Mari, what like? It's Welsh. I'm half Welsh. My whole name is Welsh. That's why my last name is like crazy long. Okay. Because I was really spending a lot of time trying to figure out like, do I say Mary or Mari? We all know it's Sophia with an F though. No.
We do. And guys, you know where to find me. Sophia Franklin. So you then F Franklin with a Y. I'm on TikTok Sophia Franklin with the number zero after it. Just found that out a few weeks ago. Okay, guys. Mari, thank you so much for coming on and I'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye. Thanks for having me. Bye. Bye.
All right, guys. And with that, I would like to get into SOS, save our sleuths, questions, stories, advice, fucking whatever you want to write into me. If I find it entertaining, I'm fucking talking about it. Let's go. Number one. Oh, this is so good. Hey, Sophia, I just wanted to let you know about the brujeria that I've been getting into.
I don't know if I pronounced that correctly. All I know is it is a Spanish term for witchcraft. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now, and honestly, I knew from the jump he was going to fall in love with me, whether he liked it or not. So first, when we started dating, I would listen to a self-affirmation podcast every morning on my way to work and would say things like,
He is my boyfriend and he is in love with me and constantly thinking about me. I would wake up extra early for work just to drive by him on his way to work so he would see my car and think about me.
Another thing is to say a popular song on the radio is one of your favorite songs so that every time that song comes on, he will think of you. Next thing I know, he's texting me about how that song was playing and made him think of me and then asked me out on another date. Anyways, love you and thought I'd share this with my fellow insane sleuths.
I am like genuinely laughing right now. This is so fucking good. So the self-affirmation, totally love it, live it. I'm down. Just look in the mirror. Definitely don't let him catch you, but just be staring in the mirror and just say, he is my boyfriend and he will be my husband and we will get married and he will be obsessed with me. I think that's fantastic. Fucking go for it. Just once again, if you get caught, you're fucking done.
The the driving by his car on his way to work before you go to work is a next level dedication. And I would like to say I don't think that's healthy. I'm fucking here for it. Unless you have to get up before 7 a.m. to make this happen. Like if it's just a little detour just so he sees your fucking bumper sticker on the back of your Toyota truck.
do it. I mean, why the hell not? And the song saying, oh my God, this is my favorite song ever. I'm down with that too. I think this is fucking brilliant. I'm glad I got to share it with everyone. And I, you know what? I would be lying if I said I haven't, um, tried some witchcraft once or twice when some things were not going my way. Okay. Next.
Hi, Sophia. Long time listener, first time caller, quotation marks. I recently found out my boyfriend of two years who I live with was on OnlyFans. I found out he was looking at women that are the complete opposite of me. So finding that out made me really self-conscious and I just wanted to know more. So I decided to create, in
an OnlyFans account as a content creator with a different name. I did this because it shows me when he was last active on the website. So now I know every time he's on it and I'm keeping receipts of all of it. So when he does something I don't like, I have this to use if I have to.
So when I was first reading this question, that little detour from found out my boyfriend was on OnlyFans and straight to, so I decided to become a OnlyFans content creator was fucking the cherry on top of my entire fucking week. So thank you. This is brilliant. And the reason this is brilliant is because
There's really no other way to know what your dude is up to on that site or on that app than
Without having an account and even more so without being a content creator account. You know what I'm saying? Like that's the only way you can see how active like what he's up to. And I'm sure OnlyFans is going to hear this and fucking come up with something to shut that shit down. But ladies, while you have the chance, create your profiles, make that money. I don't think this girl is making money, but this is how you can really see what he's up to.
This is really fucking smart. I also would like to say, though...
your concern about the girls looking different than you like the girls he's following on only fans that doesn't mean shit babe like it really really doesn't I mean if I were to go look at porn right now it would probably be the complete opposite of what I'm fucking and that's not even me trying to like save face or make you feel better that's just the truth like that's
The porn you watch is not necessarily what you want in real life. So I wouldn't worry about that. But holy shit, if I were you while you have that profile, make some money, right? Why not? OK, next. Hi, Sophia. Love your pod so much. Sticky question. How much is OK to reveal to your current partner about your past relationships?
I don't want to hurt my boyfriend's feelings, but I feel like it would help him understand me better if he knew certain things about my previous relationship. I don't want to share anything sexual, but I do want to get into why I respond to things a certain way, get triggered by certain things, or have the expectations that I have, all somewhat connected to my previous relationship."
Let me know what you think about navigating slash talking about past relationships with current partners. Thanks, Sleut. All right, so this is what I think. I think that if your partner doesn't have the level of maturity to handle you talking about certain experiences you've had in the past that have affected you,
then that's, you just need to let that bitch boy go. You know what I'm saying? Like your past, you cannot judge someone off of their past.
and things that they did or things they said or ways they acted before they even fucking met you. Like if you're really going to judge someone off that, then you shouldn't be with them in the first place. I mean, you're even saying here, I don't want to share anything sexual. I say bullshit. I mean, with any new person I date, like,
I think it's perfectly okay to say, you know, in the past, I've done this, this, and this sexually. I'm comfortable with this. This is something I would like to explore more, etc. This is a fantasy I have. This is a fantasy that I was never able to play out. I want to play it out now. This is one that scared me and triggered me. I would like to not, you know, encounter that with you in this current relationship. That's not a fantasy.
That should all be okay to discuss. And if the person you're dating cannot handle even a conversation about, you know, my ex used to gaslight me or lie to me when he would actually be mad and he would tell me he wasn't mad. And then a week later, he would end up saying he was fucking pissed and I had to deal with like this passive aggressive thing. And that's like a trigger for me. I mean, whatever the fuck it is.
Nothing should be off the table with your current partner. You know, when it comes to your health and your well-being and your safety, you just need to say, this is my past and these are things that I want to talk to you about.
And if he starts like asking or she starts asking like, oh, well, who did that? Or like, who made you come like that? Or like, where'd you have that great experience? Or like, fuck them, blah, blah, blah. You don't need to give them names. It's your past. They don't need to know which relationship, which dude, which girl, whatever. So that's where I feel on that. Okay, next. Hey, Sophia.
25-year-old female, you mentioned previously on the pod about experimenting with your best friend before. Granted, you were much younger than I am now. I was wondering your opinion on messing around with your best friend for fun, especially if you are dating their cousin. LOL. Okay.
So I've messed around with my best friend before and I'm trying to think if I was dating my best friend's cousin, if that would change anything because I low-key think it would. Like I would still have to see like grandma. This like, I don't know. The cousin thing maybe would throw me for a loop. But do I think you should explore shit with your best friend? I think 100%. But there's always a but, right? Yeah.
I think that if you want to explore things and try things, it should be private between the two of you. Don't decide, oh, I want to explore some shit with my best friend and like involve my cousin, which I don't think you were trying to get at or involve, you know, someone else that you care about or she cares about because then it's going to just fuck up to the whole thing. Yes, that was a Yiddish term. It's just going to fuck up the entire thing.
And it could really backfire. Also, the other thing I would like to say about it is make sure this person is like your actual best friend. Like I did some shit with my best friend.
to the point where we actually both hooked up with an ex-boyfriend of mine but i know to this day this girl is my basically my bloodline like she might as well be like she's my sister and so there's i was not worried about anything happening at all this is just like some like girl you're kind of friends with it could blow up your relationship and they could get freaked out but if it's your
really, really dear good friends, fucking have a couple of cocktails and have fun. Like who cares? I don't know how your cousin is going to feel about it because I don't know the exact relationship, but I think go for it. The cousin might feel like it's a little incestual though, but maybe they'll be into it. Apparently that's a thing now. That's all I have for this week. Thank you so much for tuning in. As always, if you enjoy the show,
Please just share the episode with a friend, share a clip, subscribe, rate, rate at five stars, whatever you can do. It helps me keep my fucking job and follow me on all of my social media. So if you have an F Franklin with a Y, you want to see me on Tik TOK.
It's Sophia Franklin and the number zero. And the new merch is basically about to sell out. So if you want anything, the I Have Options merch line can be found on SophiaFranklin.com.
