74: Fellatio Like A Pro 01:06:20

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My name is Sophia, spelled with a PH. Actually, it's really bizarre. I am so deranged, so exhausted, so mentally unwell. I can't even put into words. I am currently...

In Los Angeles, I just landed. And when I say I just landed, I mean, I walked through the door, turned on the mic and started this recording. I flew from New York. So what is that like a six, seven hour flight? I had a very interesting experience on the flight. But basically, I've gone through a lot in the last few days. And the fact that I am recording this at

3, 4 a.m. and I have to be up in about three to four hours to get my hair and makeup done because I'm going to be filming a show. I mean, that's really cool and awesome and I am healthy and my family's healthy and whatever, but I want to fucking die. I am just, I'm so exhausted and

Because like my entire team is still based in Utah and I'm all alone in New York doing shit. Like shit is just starting to hit the fan. I feel like I am drowning. I had to lug around a hundred pounds worth of equipment and clothes. Like not kidding. When I put my bag on,

on the scale, my suitcase, my check-in bag, it was 70 pounds. And I had two other huge bags with me. That's like my body weight. Like around a hundred something pounds is my body weight right now, which is actually really scary and really shocking. And I don't need everyone coming at me like, oh my God, like we're worried about you. Like, oh my God, like you have a problem. I don't think people realize how stressed I am

And how crazy this move has been. And just my relationship status and my work and everything. It's just gotten really, really crazy. But anyways, on a lighter note, you guys are in for one hell of a fucking ride on this week's episode. And that's all I have to say. I actually had big plans for this episode and I recorded it.

And then when I spoke to this particular person, because the episode was heavily based off of them, they told me that they actually didn't feel comfortable and that they would like me to do a different episode and that they don't really want to be a part of it. And so I was like, oh, fuck me. Let me just, you know, hop on.

on this flight across the country show up to my hotel set up a camera set up the mic order room service I was like $300 for absolutely no reason and just redo the whole thing for you honey okay great so guys

Yes, I'm in L.A. and I I have just been going through it and I feel like I can barely hold my head above water. But if you were to talk to my mom, she would say that that's completely normal for me. As she likes to say, Sophia, you drown in a glass of water. Like, OK, mom, get on my level and then tell me what the fuck I drown in. OK, OK.

So let's get fucking into the episode before I just start rambling on and I just keep going, going, going. I really quickly want to talk about the Coachella Festival because that's actually why I'm here. Coachella weekend two. Oh my God, I would never. That's so embarrassing to go to weekend two. I fucking hate everything about Coachella.

Since when did it become embarrassing to go the second weekend?

and to have like VIP passes instead of artist passes or general admission passes for that matter. I'm just, I am like, I'm so over it. This is not even me being a hater. This was the first year when I really had no desire whatsoever to attend the festival. None. I had absolutely zero FOMO scrolling through my feed this year. You know what I am looking forward to though?

stagecoach. That's where you guys can find me. And I know some of you might find that surprising and you're like, hell no, Sophia likes country. What? Yes, I fucking do. Show up in your Daisy Dukes and cowgirl boots and a hat and a fucking red bandana and you just drink Bud Light and it's not this like fucking competition with crystals all over your face and you get your makeup done. That's the type of music festival that I am trying to attend.

But what I really wanted to talk about is the Revolve Festival. Apparently it was Fire Festival 2.0.

That's what I heard. And maybe because I am very self-aware and self-accountable, maybe it's the hater in me. But in my brain, I do secretly get a thrill from watching something go terribly awry. You know what I mean? Especially in these situations.

If it's something catastrophic and like really horrifying, which maybe it was for some of these people, I don't really know. I wasn't there because I didn't get invited. And maybe that's why I'm like acting so bitter and acting like I love that this happened. But it's fun to watch. It's interesting to watch. Fire Festival, if I was in that position, I'd be freaking the fuck out. Did I really feel bad for the people that were there? Kind of, but also like...

you had the money to take the jet or whatever to the island to hang out with Kendall Jenner. It's like, you'll be okay. But I digress guys. So this is what happened. The Revolve Festival is this invite only party Coachella weekend.

And it's all the top influencers, models, whatever the fuck. And I guess this year it was absolute fucking chaos. And I know you guys do not give a fuck about influencers either besides me.

So I think we should just like talk a little bit of shit, just a little, just for fun, you know? So to get to this exclusive revolve party in the desert, you have to take specific shuttles to get to the location. Cool. Cool.

Q, fun. DD, we got a designated driver. That's handled. Hand me fucking Kendall Jenner's 818 tequila. Let's fucking rage. Awesome. So all of these influencers show up on fucking Mrs. Frizzle's magic school bus.

but for hot people but for only hot people and they're out there and they're like ready to take their not so candid candid photos and filk up each other's awesomeness and then apparently the logistics or the ground crew they were not ready they were not ready at all

They were not ready for like the influx of fucking cowboy boots and two piece crochet sets, you know, swarming in like the swarm of bees. The crew that Revolve hired was wildly unprepared to the point that.

Absolute chaos broke out. Fights broke out. There was shoving. There was yelling. Apparently people were getting stuck between buses. Whatever the fuck that means. I don't know what the hell that means. And people were left stranded. They were left stranded in the desert for five plus hours with no food or water. Okay, people were like paddling.

Passing out, I just actually completely made that up. I don't know if that's real. But people, I do know that people were getting lightheaded. People were getting sick. I mean, I'm sure a lot of these people like didn't need the food. Let's be real. I'm sure a lot of them, you know, were on whatever they were on and food wasn't a necessity. But you got to have water. You got to have water for these bitches because they do care about being hydrated.

The other funny thing about this is a lot of them were not even let in. Okay, that's the funniest part about it. Think about it. Since this is an influencer invite only party, you can only imagine the freak outs that were happening when they weren't let in. I mean, I personally would have done the exact same thing.

And I have a mental breakdown when I have to wait in line for more than 30 seconds. But still that we're not talking about me. We're talking about these people. They were freaking out, screaming about how they were supposed to be there. Fucking pulling up their Instagram accounts like, look at this blue checkmark. They act as if these security people give a flying fuck.

I mean, please just imagine your favorite influencer screaming at the top of their lungs through their molly lockjaw salivating at the mouth and fucking grinding their teeth and chewing their lips off. Imagine them screaming at someone's uncle who's getting paid hourly to play mall cop.

who now has to fight off thousands of girls with fucking hair by Chrissy, tape in extensions, who seem to have just discovered the concept of waiting in lines. Me. That's so me. Me pretending like I wouldn't do the same shit. But I'm sorry, Paul Blart Mall Cop. He does not give a fuck about you and your aloe yoga brand deal. You know what I mean?

So this whole thing, it was like a PR disaster. And honestly, I'm glad I wasn't invited. How about that? I'm glad I wasn't invited. And I just feel like...

Coachella just wasn't what it used to be, in my opinion. Ever since Beyonce shut that shit down a few years ago, no Coachella has ever lived up to the hype, none. I haven't heard about one single performance. And I think that what happened is the point of going to Coachella now isn't to have fun and see your favorite artist.

It is to put together 12 outfits for three days and stare at each other and try to one up each other and hope that the outfit you picked this year, you know, blows last year's outfit out of the water. And it's like the coolest thing ever. And then you spend the entire fucking time just trying to get footage of each other like

That is not fun to me at all. Even if I'm on Molly, still not fun. Can we just like go back to the flower crowns and the American apparel neon colored body suits for music festivals? Remember when that was a thing?

Can we go back to Woodstock when we're just all taking acid and we actually are there because we care about the performer and we're not looking at each other's outfits. We're like all holding hands, singing Kumbaya, drinking the Kool-Aid and loving up on each other. That's the type of music festival I want to go to. And I think that stagecoach is going to be that.

Me comparing Stagecoach to Woodstock is making millions of people around the world shudder and want to jump out of their skin. I do apologize. But whatever. It's just it's kind of the truth. And oh, my God. Someone please remind me to post my past Coachella photos. They are humiliating.

They are disturbing. I mean, there was one year I was rocking these blonde clip in hair extensions, which is my jam. And I looked back at the pictures from that trip and I was appalled.

Not even at myself. You know what? You know who I was appalled at? Were my fucking friends who didn't say one thing to me, who didn't pull me into the porta potty and rip those shits out of my head and be like, throw your hair up in a ponytail. You would look way better that way. They're so fucking bad. You guys just tangle.

tangled, fucking falling out of my head. I'm running around. I'm like trying to get to the next tent, the fucking Savannah, Sahara tent, whatever it is, trying to clip them back in. Just, oh, oh my God. I like actually want to die. My friend Allie, my friend actually has a

that as her profile picture of me when I call her that fucking bitch I'm gonna have her send me the picture because it is that's how bad it is and that was from Coachella like five years ago but you know at least I know I was there for the right reasons and it was to hang out with my friends and you know enjoy the music and

And not care about impressing and just have a good fucking time. And pee on a guy's shoulders after he offered to pick me up to see the performance better. True story. I have a photo of that as well. I have photo evidence of everything I fucking say. But I mean, I think comparing Revolve to the Fyre Festival is a little bit of a stretch. I mean, I had...

some close friends go who looked like they were having a blast. But then again, Instagram is a facade. At least these people weren't fucking abandoned on like some island like it was at Fyre Festival.

And they were literally it was literally like an episode from Lost, which is a show I have never seen. But I'm assuming it's about people getting stranded on an island. But it's just I've said this before. A lot of these people have insane superiority complexes because they have a couple hundred thousand followers and get boxes of free clothes each month.

You know what I'm saying? I keep it humble. I keep it too fucking humble. I will have something go incredibly well for me. And I still, it just, I will have like maybe a millisecond of like, oh my God, Sophia, you're the shit. And then like, poof, it's gone. It evaporates. There are definitely some people out here who say,

They run off that high and they have like a God complex. Why? Because you have 100K followers or a million or 10 million. Like who fucking cares? I really do wonder what research is going to say about all of this 100 years down the line. Because I mean, everyone can become some sort of micro celebrity these days. Anyone. And the entire thing just feels very...

What's the word? Dystopian to me. This actually reminds me of this podcast, V Wanna Know. V, V as in vagina. V Wanna Know, it's by V Magazine. And they ask celebrities about a topic that they want to learn more about. And then they pair that celebrity with a specialist in that field.

which is a super fucking dope idea and I wish I would have thought about it. And I remember they had one with Emma Chamberlain and she learned about the evolution of media, which is kind of like this idea that I'm talking about right now. It's really fucking wild. Next thing you know, we're fucking giving handjobs in the metaverse. I don't fucking know. But I mean, V Magazine...

V want to know if you ever want to have me on, I'm willing to go on. But I will say, please spare me with the whole sex educator or sex worker thing. I know more than enough of those.

to conduct my own research. Those are my people. But I would love to talk about something else I'm super interested in, which would be my phobias, specifically of tsunamis, which people to this day do not believe me and they make fun of me and they don't get it. And the thing is, it's a real fucking thing. Google it. It's a real fucking thing.

It is called tsunami phobia. It is a thing. And watch the movie The Impossible and you will never be the same again. And you will then have the same phobia. But anyways, with that being said...

Do I think this is going to affect Revolve that deeply? Fuck no. These influencers are still going to happily receive their Revolve PR packages and hashtag Revolve around the world trips or whatever that hashtag is and still try to get on the guest list for next year's party, including myself. Revolve hit me up. So you guys could use a good press right now. And that's exactly what I'm here for. ♪

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So I like to have a little bit of balance in my life. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I talk about recreational drug use, only prescribed, only things that are good for me that my doctor thinks I should do. And I want to do a little segment on wellness, health and wellness. And this is not even me bullshitting. This is something that...

I have recently implemented into my life for various reasons. One of them being I feel like my life is very turbulent at the moment. And I want to start off by saying, because I know people are going to call me out, life is full of contradictions, okay? And I contradict myself regularly because...

No one has all of the answers. I recently did an episode about how I am just so over the self-improvement, how to be an it girl trend that's been taking over and how

How damaging like these self-help books and TikToks and quotes, etc. How damaging those things can be when you are constantly exposed to them. And how my new thing is all about self-acceptance. So I did an entire episode about that. And I still stand by it 100%. But that doesn't mean...

I don't think you shouldn't implement certain things into your life that will make you happier. And it doesn't mean you shouldn't try to improve in areas that ultimately make you unhappy. Like if you feel unhappy in a certain area in your life, then by all means, I think that you should try to improve on it. And I just want to make sure you are aware that you are enough and

As you are. Right now. Right here. This very second. You are enough. Just the way you are. Come as you are. Just like fucking Kurt Cobain said.

Before you start implementing these changes, you need to know that is my whole point. Okay. But the person you are right now is more than enough. Don't walk around thinking to yourself, oh my God, until I start every single day with a green juice and a workout and journaling, I'm just worthless. I'm a piece of shit. Like no bitch. That's, that is not how it works.

However, as a contradicting queen and as someone who is going through a huge transition in my life, in my relationships, where I live, in my career, I...

Being alone for the first time, I have out of honestly complete desperation started to incorporate some wellness into my life that has been really transformative to me.

And it's nothing crazy. It's nothing major. I don't stick to it like every single day. I will never fucking miss it. No. But I've started to implement it as best as I can. And just by doing it a few times a week or as much as I can do it, it has improved.

I've seen a huge change because I've been really honest about my mental health issues, which we all have to some degree. I struggle with depression. I struggle with anxiety. You know, I'm right there with the majority of us. And, you know,

I'm not going to lie. It's gotten more intense recently. The highs have also gotten more intense, which is really interesting. Since moving to New York, the highs have been really, really high. But the lows have been extremely low. And I think that's kind of what shoved me to start doing this type of thing. And I want to share it with you guys. Well, let me just start by saying this.

A lot of us have some type of structure set up for us. Your work hours are set for you, nine to five, okay. Your class schedule is set for you. You go to class at this time every Wednesday, this assignment is due, you're doing this on the side and you know what to do when you wake up every morning and you work around that. Me, on the other hand,

I have no structure. I am my own boss. And obviously there are a lot of perks to that. And I'm sure a lot of people listening are like, fuck off, bitch. Like, if only I could be my own boss, that sounds like the best thing ever. But there are some downfalls to it. There really, really are. And for me, I wake up.

feeling like I'm surrounded by complete chaos. Every single week is different. It's up to me and me only to decide when things get done and how they get done and when they get done. And of course, I have my team and they're extremely helpful and I would be fucking nothing without them. But it really, at the end of the day, comes down to me.

And I recently noticed this pattern where every Monday morning I wake up with this crippling anxiety and I end up sleeping in till super late because I am so scared to face the day and the week that's ahead of me.

And honestly, Mondays just suck in general for everybody. But I started talking to my therapist about this and I really came to the conclusion after really looking into it that a lot of the anxiety was stemming from a lack of structure in my life. And I don't have anyone who can

provide that structure. I don't work for someone. I don't have kids. I don't have really anything that is holding me down.

accountable to getting things done at a certain time. Obviously, like, yes, this, you know, the podcast that I do that goes out every week, like that shit needs to get done. But I mean, I could get that done weeks in advance, or I could do something like what I'm doing right now and get it done hours before it's supposed to be released.

I'm waking up every single Monday like a chicken with its head cut off. Like, okay, I know I have this call at two, but what else needs to get done? And how do I get it done? And when do I get it done? And what needs to get done first? And

oh my god my apartment is such a mess I'm gonna pull out the vacuum I'm gonna spend three hours cleaning but I should be working but what should I prioritize because I do feel like I work better in a clean space but oh my god like I actually should be doing this and it's it's just a clusterfuck and as a self-proclaimed procrastinator and a perfectionist

I decided to do a very simple thing and I decided to implement a morning routine and don't roll your eyes because this shit has changed my fucking life. And I believe one of my really good friends, Haley Sacks, Mrs. Dow Jones, and I remember specifically her saying people start implementing a morning routine for themselves usually out of a dark place.

Hi, me, yeah. So instead of waking up thinking, oh my God, you have so much shit to do today. What's the first thing on the agenda? What time is it? Where am I? What stranger's bed am I in? What walk of shame am I doing? I thought the best place to start was with my morning routine, okay? And I just wanna let you guys know what I do. This is the most important one.

Well, actually, I want to say the first two are the most important. Do not wake up and start scrolling through your motherfucking phone. I don't care if you're scrolling Instagram. I don't care if you're scrolling Pornhub. I don't care if you're scrolling your email. I don't care if you're looking at your fucking texts. Do not look at your phone. I cannot...

Emphasize this enough. It fucks with your mind. Your cortisol levels shoot through the fucking roof. Like as humans, we're not meant to wake up and just be fucking pistol whipped, backhanded, punched in the face with all of this overwhelming, very stimulating thing. So first things first for your morning routine, don't

Hit stop on your alarm and look at your phone. Second thing, meditation. I have a completely different day when I decide to take the time out and meditate in the morning. I just do 10 minutes and I'm going to plug this motherfucker even though he's not paying me. Sam Harris. I use the app Waking Up with Sam Harris. I personally really, really like it. Find the meditation that works for you. But

It's a really easy, calming, comforting thing to transition to right after you wake up. Just focusing on the breath, focusing on, you know, how you let your mind run wild and run your life when really you should be in control of it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And that's been a fucking huge one. Another thing, right away, I drink eight ounces of water. Your body just slept for however many hours without any water. You wake up dehydrated and it's just so good for your body to start off with that. Another one, and I feel like a dumb ass tick talking ho saying this,

I do like to make my bed now. At the ripe old age of 29, I now see why it is imperative. 'Cause when you feel mentally like you're in chaos,

Your surroundings will either reflect that or will trick you into thinking that you're living in absolute chaos because that's what you're surrounded by. So making my bed and doing little simple things like that every morning has been huge. Then the next thing I do is I change into workout clothes. Whether I'm in a workout or not, it doesn't matter. It makes it worse.

way more of a possibility that I will end up working out if I'm already wearing the fucking outfit and it just makes me feel more prepared for the day because I'm not over here you know going to the finance firm I worked at whatever it was five years ago putting on a pencil skirt and fucking flats like just putting on workout clothes makes me feel accomplished.

And if that says anything, then there you fucking go. That gives you any insight into my life. Yes, putting on leggings with a matching sports bra is a fucking game changer to me. Then if I have time, a 10 to 20 minute workout. And when I say workout, I don't mean like

fucking hit the gym and the weights. Yo, bro, let's get swole. Whatever the fuck they say. No, I just mean I will do 10 to 20 minutes moving my body, whether that's yoga, whether that's stretching, whether that's Pilates. I used to be stuck in this mindset where I'd be like, OK, you did not do

Just spend an hour and a half doing high intensity interval training and using huge weights and you don't even feel sore. You're wasting your time. That is such fucking bullshit, you guys. I have noticed such a difference in my body and more importantly, my mental health.

If I just take the time, just even if it's 10 minutes, 15 minutes to do a stretch or Pilates or yoga, it changes my entire day the same way meditation does. I just I already feel accomplished and more confident and more calm now.

And by the way, I have still not checked my phone at this point. You heard that correctly. I used to be the bitch where I would wake up in the morning and freak out and be like, all right, I got to get to these emails and these texts and these calls and I got to get back to people. No, these people can fucking wait.

These people can wait until I get in this little mini morning routine, which can be anywhere from 25 to 40 minutes.

That is way more important to me and way more beneficial to me and way more beneficial to all of the people in my life, whether it's a work relationship or a romantic relationship or a friendship. It is way more beneficial that I get this in so that

I can be clear headed and be functioning at a level that is not just completely drowned out by nervousness and self-doubt and sadness and brain fog. You know what I mean?

So that is my morning routine. I don't do it every single morning. I do my best. I would say I probably do it three times a week at this point. I really, really want to get it up to at least five. I do work out twice a week with a trainer and I fucking hate it, but he is completely changing my body. But like I despise it. But...

After I meditate and the water and the making of the bed and the quick movement of my body, then I will check my phone while I make myself a cup of coffee or I eat breakfast or whatever. And then what I'll do is I'll go to my checklist, my to-do list. And that's the next thing I wanna talk about. Make sure you make a to-do list regularly.

For some people doing it the night before is great for others doing it the morning of is great I know for some people if you do it the night before it like gives you anxiety because you start being like oh my god I need to get this this and this done. I'm the complete opposite where if when I can get something on paper and written down I it gives me a sense of security and

Because I know it's there and I'm not forgetting anything and it's laid out in front of me and I know I can wake up tomorrow and know exactly what I need to do in what order. Okay? Okay.

Okay, you can do this. I know, I know. Carvana makes it so convenient to sell your car. It's just hard to let go. My car and I have been through so much together. But look, you already have a great offer from Carvana. That was fast. Well, I know my license plate and Vin by heart, and those questions were easy. You're almost there. Now to just accept the offer and schedule a pickup or drop-off. How'd you do it? How are you so strong in letting go of your car? Well, I already made up my mind, and Carvana's so easy. Yeah, true.

And sold. Go to Carvana.com to sell your car the convenient way. Well, we got a minute. I'm going to buy that truck I've been wanting. Wait, don't you need like weeks to shop for a car? I don't. Carvana makes it super convenient to find exactly what I want. Hold up. You're buying a car on your phone? Isn't that more of a laptop thing? You can shop wherever you want.

Now let's talk about sucking dick, okay? And let's get into... Slute University, people! Slute University

So I was just going to have like a movie day, but fuck it. I have something very important to talk about. We're going to talk about the art of a blowjob. And I know that you guys are thinking, oh my God, Sophia, we've heard you talk about this a million fucking times. But you really haven't. You really fucking haven't. Because if you really know me, you know that I actually...

avoid giving head at all costs. I really do. Whether it's a one night stand, especially if it's a one night stand, they're going down on me. That's a for sure. I'm not going down on them. When I'm in a relationship, I'll fucking fake it for like the first few months, make them fall in love, then never see their dick again. Well, at least my mouth will never see their dick again. But when I do do it,

I remember the power that you hold in this position if you do it correctly. And there is way more fucking to it than the gluck gluck, okay? There is something that men do way, way better than women when it comes to the bedroom. And I don't ever say anything like that. I

I don't say that lightly, but men are honestly way better at this than girls are. It's letting you know what they like. Making sounds when it actually feels good. You know what I'm saying? I always tell guys to pay attention to her body language and the sounds she's making and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But the issue is that

these bitches out here, including myself from time to time, are faking this shit. And so it fucks up the entire thing. The thing about men is that they don't give a fuck. You will know, honey, if he is enjoying what you're doing. So that's my first tip when it comes to giving head. And I wanted to start off with that because

Yes, I would say the majority of men like a super aggressive, sloppy choke on it, suck his soul out of his wiener hole shit. But there are some men and I've encountered them that aren't into that. And so I just want to right off the bat start with saying pay attention to his body language because men don't lie.

They lie about everything else. They lie about being faithful and they lie about how much money they make and they lie about their height, but they are not lying when it comes to what they like in the bedroom. Like they will fucking let you know. I used to think of a dick like a vagina and I thought that

It needed some kind of foreplay, you know, lick up the sides, kind of tease it, lick the tip, go down to the balls, barely suck it, barely put my mouth on it. And for some men, that's that small fraction that I referenced. They are into that. But most of these dudes out here don't require foreplay. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

I'm not. I mean, I...

I learned to do this from one particular guy to do the foreplay thing and like go slow and kind of tease him. But out of all the men and out of all the penises I've had in my mouth, he was the only one that was into this. So I think that's something to pay attention to as well. But if we're going to talk about the majority of men, there are some basic rules that are just universal.

Number one, get his dick soaking wet. Have you guys ever seen how much lotion a dude wears when they masturbate?

It is an insane amount. The wet factor and how much slobber is all over his dick is vital. Spitting on it. I mean, that's like that's usually what I do because that's just hot in and of itself is spitting on it. And I usually have to do it multiple times and I will make it loud. I'll do it over and over again.

Until that thing is soaking. Trust me. You want your saliva dropping down into his balls. Like you want that entire area just fucking drenched. Okay. Speaking of balls, actually, while we're talking about balls, quick segue. Since when did we start ignoring them? Ignoring a guy's balls is like ignoring...

Everything but your clit. Yeah, it still feels amazing, but you still want him to stick his fingers all the way inside of you or you want him playing with your tits or licking the sides of your pussy or playing with your ass. I mean, yeah, the clit is like the most important part, but if he's not playing with the rest of it, it's kind of like, you know, take it or leave it. I'll probably take it, but like you're not going to be memorable in my eyes, right?

Back to the spit and back to getting his dick wet. I don't know if you guys have ever come across this porn star. Her name is Shaden Rogue, I believe it is. This girl is a fucking animal. And the way I found out about her is one of my really good guy friends who's like the biggest whore on fucking planet earth and has had sex with like over 200 women and is super hot and like super sexual, whatever.

He told me that this girl just like completely fucked him up for life by the way that she gives blowjobs. This girl, she'll like blow bubbles and shit. That type of level, you guys. And you need to see how wet she gets these guys' dicks and their balls. Her saliva is insane.

it's like it would drench the bed. It would go through the mattress, into the box spring, down to the floor. Like it's fucking insane. So I have a couple tips for this. Go deeper for more spit. I love how I'm in a hotel room right now talking about this and I hear little kids outside and parents and I just like wonder if they can hear me talking about this. But that's just a side note.

If you need to get more spit going, go deeper. Most people are scared of gagging, but this is the thing, guys. Number one, they love that shit. And nine times out of 10, you're not going to puke. Okay? You're going to gag and you're going to make that sound and they're going to fucking love it. Just don't be fucking scared of it. And a common thing I see is that

will suffer from dry mouth or feel like their mouth isn't lubricated enough. But gagging is

is the fucking trick here. Saliva will just start falling out of your mouth when you are gagging on something. Trust me. Throw your toothbrush into the back of your throat and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. And once you have the dick to a certain depth into your throat, your body just naturally activates a more mucus-y response rather than spit.

And that is where the real action is. Believe me, sleuths, please believe me. I know it sounds scary, but it's the truth. And so here we are. We've got the spit down. We've got the lubrication down. We've got the balls down. I hope I gave the balls enough attention because we really need to. Do not ignore the gooch.

I know it sounds disgusting and your guy may not even know he likes this yet, but I promise he will go fucking wild. Work from the center of his ball sack and his testicles all the way up to the shaft with your tongue. Just try this and fucking report back. Don't be afraid to take breaks. I promise it's way wild.

way, way hotter if you take your time and don't pressure yourself into thinking you have to do the fucking cyclone on his dick for 30 minutes. Like, look, like you're into it. Even if that means you need to take a breather. That's the other thing. Don't just give up and be like, oh my God, baby, like just fuck me from behind. No, we're in this for the long game and the long haul.

And if you need to take a break, that's completely fine. Just give him a hand job. Okay. It's super simple. Speaking of hand job, guys want your mouth and your hand on his dick.

Your mouth is at the top where the head is. Your hand is on the shaft near the bottom where the balls are. And you go in an up and down motion and you can twist your hands from left to right here and there.

But they want both of those things on his dick the same way I want a guy's mouth on my clit and fingers inside my pussy when he's going down on me. OK, and then there's swallowing. Let's talk about that one quickly. And then we're going to fucking wrap this up.

I personally want to die every time it gets to this point, but I always muster up my competitive spirit and know we're at the finish line. And let's be real. Who actually enjoys the taste of a guy's cyanide sperm drink?

fucking acid battery in their mouth no one i don't care what you say you can pretend you fucking love it you don't but i have found that it's way easier to take it down like a shot while his dick is still in your mouth that way it's still mixed with like all of the saliva and whatnot think of it like a watered down diluted drink at the bar you know what i mean like

Because if I take my mouth off the dick and his cum is inside of my mouth, that gives me way too much time to think about what's actually happening. And I will involuntarily puke. Do not give yourself this much time to think. Just down that shit. It really is like a vodka shot. Imagine if you took a vodka shot and then just left it sitting in your mouth. And I'm kind of preaching, although I do tend to just...

Let him come in my mouth and then I let all the cum just fall out of my mouth right back onto his dick, which is also kind of hot. But I don't know. I think something about swallowing it and just gargling it like a fucking dolphin getting a sardine is is really hot in itself. Overall, sleuths don't just stroke his dick, stroke his ego.

And I know that sounds insane coming from me, but in this one instance, it's okay. It will help you get to the end goal quicker and make it more enjoyable for everybody. There is a mental and emotional buildup to an orgasm. And honestly, sometimes that is hotter than the actual orgasm itself.

Now, for real, if you're looking at a blowjob like a chore, because I know I am, or at least I used to, but I'm like back in the game, it will show. So you need to show your appreciation when you're down under. And if it's not genuine appreciation, do it for whatever the fuck you're getting out of it. A Chanel bag, whatever.

fucking dinner just keep your eyes on the prize sleuths same way when a guy's going down on me I want to feel like he wants to be there more than he wants to be have courtside tickets to a next game you know what I'm saying it's the same shit oh that was just a little taste of my dick sucking um

And with that, let's move on to a little thing I like to call SOS. SOS

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Questions, stories, advice. I'm here to help you or hurt you depending on the week, depending on my mood. Let's fucking get into it. Okay, question number one. Hi, Sophia. I have a question regarding your significant other's ex.

My boyfriend of almost two years is ex-girlfriend is still trying to get in between our relationship and believes she will end up with him. He has cut off all communication with her and now she has started reaching out to his mom frequently. My boyfriend and I are very serious and we talk about our future together, but it's just frustrating because it seems like this girl will never leave us alone.

His mom is very nice and only responds out of kindness, but it bothers me even though she tells me all the time that she loves me and how I am her favorite girlfriend. Do I have a reason to feel betrayed by this or should I just drop it? Alrighty, this is always a really complicated one because...

In the past, I would have said, I would be pissed as fuck and you need to cut that bitch off and he needs to cut her off and his entire family needs to cut her off and block her and pretend like she's dead in a ditch somewhere. But as I've matured, I realized that there are certain relationships that you have with people. It's a romantic friendship, whatever it is. And if you decide to end the relationship, then you're going to end the relationship.

That doesn't mean that they are no longer your family. I have exes where we ended on good terms. Neither of us ever did anything extremely harmful to the other person. They were super integrated into my family. And moving forward, I don't care if I'm married to a different dude, that ex of mine, I will still consider family forever and for always.

That's how I feel. And my family will do the same. So what I think is I completely understand where you're coming from.

but you gotta leave the mom alone. You gotta leave her alone. It's harmless texting. Now, if the mom was, you know, inviting her over for fucking Easter and shit like that, then we have a problem. But it's, the mom is just texting because she wants to be nice and civil and that's her right if she wants to do that, you know?

You can't be out here telling your boyfriend's mom what to do and who to text. You can absolutely do that with your boyfriend, not the mom. And if it's just texting, I say leave it alone. Okay, next.

Is it fucked up to want to hang out with people with higher vibrations even though you are sought out by those of lower vibrations? Lower vibrations coming from close friends, long-term friends, family members who seek out comfort, suggestions, advice, or just your companionship. Is it fucked up to want to distance or disassociate yourself from them?

I love this question. And to answer it, I'm going to go ahead and say, fuck no. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to distance or disassociate yourself from them. You know who actually would answer this question 10 times better than I would? I'm going to give her a shout out. I've had her on the show before is Nedra Twab.

Check out her Instagram. She has a lot of really thoughtful and just really smart posts about, like,

cutting off toxic people in your life even though you still love them even if they're still family but you're not wrong for wanting to be around more positive people you need to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and not bring you down because the thing is is low vibrational people will drain the life out of you if you let them you need to ditch these people and

Well, okay, actually. Sometimes I hear myself talking and I need to back up. You don't necessarily need to ditch them unless they're like being that draining on your soul, right?

But if you want to distance or disassociate, you have every fucking right to. I mean, I've said this before. When you die, you are alone in that grave. Okay? No one is coming with you. This is your life, your only life. And if it's your grandma, if it's your mom, it doesn't matter who it is. If they are affecting your life in a really negative way, you have every right to

To distance yourself and don't ever feel guilty about it. It's better for you. And that person may not be able to see that and might give you shit for it. But at the end of the day, if they really love you, they would support you in wanting to kind of, you know, put a barrier between you two.

Not to mention, you need to have love and positive energy and sound of mind to even give these people the advice and comfort that they're seeking. So there's fucking that, you know, to help them accordingly. All right. Next. Hi, Sophia. I love your show and you are so pretty. Thank you, Slu. I have been

I've been dating my boyfriend for a while now and it's going good. He is so much better than the other guys I used to have. Emotionally, he is amazing, but he is not very educated. Sometimes I just feel like I'm talking to a dumb person and I need to explain everything. Should I leave him for that or can you look past it? Thank you for the advice. Love from Switzerland."

Oh my God. Every time I read Switzerland, I think hot girls, gorgeous place, scariest place I've ever been to. I talk about it in an episode like Switzerland. I love you, but you guys are like too perfect that it's creepy. The people, the place, everything, but would love to go back anyways. All right.

Dating someone that does not intellectually stimulate you or even worse is hard to talk to because they're dumb as a rock. It really depends on your priorities. Like my gut reaction is fuck no, get out of there. Like out of the list of things you should prioritize in a partner, I think that their brain and their mind should be focused

top three, if not top one. Like if you were saying he's ugly, but he's brilliant and you guys can have conversation for hours and you learn something new every day, I would say go ahead and marry this dude. The dumb thing I think is not good. And I think honestly, you probably need to let it go. However, if you are a Harvard grad and you majored in neuroscience,

and your Mensa score, you're part of the fucking Mensa community and your SAT score or your IQ is off the fucking charts.

Maybe you don't give a fuck. Maybe it's hard to find someone compatible with you and you don't really care if that person stimulates you intellectually or can have a smart conversation because you're already surrounded by other people who can provide that for you and all you need at the end of the day is some dick and someone to cook you dinner. Maybe that's your life. If that's your life, then by all means,

I say go for it. But for, I would say, 80% of the time, you probably want to let them go, especially because looks fade...

and you guys are really just left with your brain capacity. Okay, next. Please keep me anonymous, but I need your help, Slu, and I can't ask my friends about this, so I'm hoping to get your advice. I recently gave in to my ex slash baby daddy who broke my heart. He's been trying to get back with me for the last four years,

I am married now to someone amazing, but I slept with him, my ex, and he never talked to me after. I feel guilty and worried every day that my now husband will find out about it since we have to be in contact with my baby daddy every once in a while. Do I tell him or take it to the grave? Love you and the pod."

i don't know how many times i have to say this i sound like a broken record you take that to the grave and i always get on for this and i don't care and i mean it i am not sure why or how your baby daddy broke your heart but often they're a baby daddy and not a husband for a reason so just leave him there if your current husband is everything and more to you do not that up

Well, I guess more than you think you already have. And I know it sounds extremely toxic, but some shit is just meant to go with you till the afterlife. And this is one of them. I understand your worries and living with that anxiety, but the anxiety over time will subside and you will start, you know, worrying about it less and less. And I just think...

telling people that they have been cheated on or telling someone you've cheated on them

Nine times out of 10, it just, it's unnecessary. Like, just break up with the person. Like, you don't need to tell them why or what you did. And on top of that, a lot of times people want to confess so that they feel better and they don't have to walk around with the guilt. And that is complete bullshit. Like, protect this person. You already obviously did something that's very hurtful.

I say you can protect him even more by not telling him. And if you want any chance at a future together, then absolutely keep it to yourself or else he's always going to wonder. And, you know, if it was a one time thing, fucking save yourself.

Alright, sleuths. Oh my fucking god. I am so excited to just get in bed and go to sleep for, hmm, I don't know, two and a half hours. I love you so much. Per usual, if you could please, please, please share the show with your friends. Tell people about it. You know, the more people I can get subscribing or listening or whatever, the longer I can keep this going and I appreciate it so much.

Follow me everywhere on social media. So if you have an F, Franklin with a Y. And on TikTok, where I am blowing the fuck up, it's actually Sophia Franklin and the number zero. All right. Talk to you guys next week. Bye.