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Hello everyone, welcome to the show. My name is Sophia with an F. Let's get fucking started. I am alone in my apartment right now, but I'm not really alone because I have someone very, very special here with me. Just not in the room, in spirit type of shit, okay? And you may have heard of her.
My cousin slash producer slash fucking rave rat slash emo girl slash icon Alex. Hello. You made it seem like I was dead. They're in spirit. I'm here just over Zoom. We were so attached at the hip and then all of a sudden I moved here and there was a disappearance. Alex is still alive, you guys. How weird does it feel to record like this?
So weird. It's so weird because like I can't look at you. I can't touch you. I can't smell you. You know, I like I want to. I think that was a dig and I'm going to let that one slide. But Alex was my co-pilot for I don't even know how many episodes. All of them when I was in Utah, we would sleep in the same bed together.
nights out of every single week when we were working and now that's just gone and now I'm out here trying to set up the fucking camera by myself and I'm fucking everything up and I just I'm lost and I like don't know what to do but I like doing this because I can look at myself in the little corner I don't have to look at you um I
I have two mirrors in front of me and this zoom and also another camera set up so I can look at myself from four different angles and it's fucking fabulous. Highly, highly suggest to anyone who works from home, invest in a mirror and work in front of the mirror. It makes it so much more fun. Does it not?
For sure. To look at yourself is my favorite thing. Okay, Alex, how sad have you been since I've been gone?
Or has your life improved exponentially? And I need to know the truth. No, it's been so sad. I miss you. You're like my best friend. I know. Wait, do you actually mean that? Because like I've been, this separation anxiety has been so fucking bad. This is turning into a fucking love fest and people are like, shut the fuck up. But we really like, we spent every second together and there was not one episode that was released that we didn't,
didn't do together 40 hours straight. So I miss you, you miss me. Can we talk shit on our family for a second? Love them, would die for them. They need to back the fuck up, Alex. What did your dad text you the other day?
My dad texted me with like a bunch of question marks. Hey, is Sophia okay? And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Like what? What happened? And she was like, everyone's freaking out about her. Like grandpa keeps asking me, like everyone's so worried for her. And I was like, she's chilling. Trust. I know her and I know what she's doing. Like out of all the times now you decide to worry. I don't know. But I think she's actually doing a-okay. Yeah. Now is like the wrong time. They should have been worried before that. Yeah.
But the fact that grandpa, grandpa called me twice, which if you guys know, our grandpa is completely unheard of. He doesn't even know our names. Does he know your name? No, he goes through every single grandkid before he gets the right name. He goes through at least four names. And then on the fifth one, he'll get your name correctly. I had him call me twice.
And I was expecting him to say, hey, I'm trying to get a hold of your mom because that's usually the only reason he calls. No, he was like, hey, I just want to know how you're doing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it was the most bizarre shit ever. And guys, my aunt lives in New York and I think she's kind of been tattletaling on me, even though I haven't done shit. But that's besides the point. My mom...
is out of control, like out of control. Like I've been living here for what, like a month?
whatever it's been, it has taken, I swear to God, 20 years off her life. She texts me all day long. Sophia, can you please call me? Is everything okay? I haven't heard from you for two hours. Like what's going on? It's insane. And I just, I, I need the entire family to just adjust to my move and grow the fuck up.
I sound so ungrateful. I really do. I'm very lucky to have a family that cares about me, but it's just, it's what do they think I'm out here doing? Exactly. I was like worried about what?
There has been no change in reckless behavior. It's just the fact that I'm across the country. I think that's really what it is. I think my mom just, she had me living back in her house for two years. Like I was fucking 16 again and I just left for college is kind of her mentality. Yes. When in reality it's like, yo mom, I'm 29. I'm about to be 30.
But whatever, I'm done talking about them. Love you guys. But I actually, I want to talk about my vagina. That's the real thing I want to talk about because my vagina has been causing me so many fucking issues lately and I'm about to freak the fuck out. Side note, before I even get into this story, because there is like a whole story to it, I don't think men realize how annoying it is to have a vagina, right?
Like... They have no idea. They have no clue. I mean, obviously, don't get me wrong. It's the biggest blessing ever and it helps me get away with a lot of shit having a vagina. But...
It's a double-edged sword because the amount of shit that can go wrong with your vagina for absolutely no reason, it is such a pain in the ass to have a vagina. Yeah. And I'm just going to keep this part very, very brief because it's not very ladylike to talk about this type of shit. And any of the men listening, they are fucking turning this off immediately. But...
I'm just going to quickly explain it. It's just been feeling a little bit off. Okay. Burning sensation when I pee. Uncomfortable sensation just overall. I feel like I want to hold my vagina. Have you ever felt that before?
Like you need to pee, like you need to hold it or not even that I need to pee. Like it will just feel better if I just hold it with my hand. If you just put like a little blanket over it and play some relaxing music. Not even in a comforting way. Not even like that. Just like I don't fucking know. My vagina does not feel OK. It doesn't feel well. Do you want me to be honest? Mm hmm. Tell there's a little bit of an odor.
On top of everything, there is a little bit of an odor. So, and I know everyone right now is thinking STD. What fucking STD did Sophia get? Thank you for your concern, you guys. I got tested for STDs because obviously I'm also afraid of myself and I don't have anything. So it's one of three things. It always is. UTI, yeast infection, or a fucking bacterial infection, right? Yeah. Yeah.
- So I thought it would just go away on its own. 'Cause I thought it was a UTI and like maybe it would just, sometimes you can just pee that shit out. Sometimes you can't, whatever. Sometimes you get a kidney infection that you almost fucking die from. - Yeah, that's my signature move. - Didn't that just happen to you, Alex? - Mm-hmm. - They put like a shot in my back. - How long ago was that? - A long time ago. - The fact that they put a shot in your back
- Yeah, I don't know what that was for. I don't know how, I don't wanna know how much that cost. It definitely helped.
Definitely. I don't want to know how much that costs. I remember when I had one, I was throwing up. I had a fever of 103 and the dude was like, home girl, thank God you came in when you did because like this was about to be an emergency room visit and it could have been lethal type shit. So when I say you can just pee a UTI out, I am not a doctor. I just know sometimes that is something that can happen. However,
I used antibiotics, I didn't do anything. I tried to go like the natural way, that didn't do anything. So I ended up making a doctor's appointment. And I just would like to say, shit is fucking different in New York, Alex. Really? I've never gone to see a doctor and had the type of experience that I had. First things first, I go and I tell them my symptoms.
And they say, based off of what I'm telling them, I don't need to get tested. They're just going to prescribe me an antibiotic, which to me was a little bit concerning in their defense.
They did ask me if I had health insurance and I had to say no because I'm not an adult and I don't have health insurance. And I think they were just trying to help a bitch out, you know, because it is really expensive. However,
to just kind of hand that out without wondering or trying any type of test whatsoever. I'm like, okay, like what other drugs can I get while I'm here? I also can't sleep. Can I get some Avian? Yeah.
I really have a hard time focusing. I'll just explain to you guys the symptoms and like maybe you can give me some Adderall. Like, fuck, I really should have taken advantage of that shit. But I digress, you guys. So they prescribe me this shit. It doesn't work. I go back and I say, this time I actually want to get tested because it obviously didn't work. And the lady pulls out the swabs, okay?
You get your vagina swabbed so they can check for bacteria and whatever else and yeast, whatever. And she pulls out the swabs and she looks at me and she says, do you want to swab your own vagina or do you want to have the doctor do it? Excuse me? I need to know if anyone else has ever been asked this question. Have you ever been given the option to swab yourself or have a doctor do it?
That is not real. That has got to be malpractice. Like there's no way. Like, is it cheaper if you do it yourself? Like that means you don't have to pay for the labor or what? Like, why would they have you do it? I don't understand it.
I feel like you don't even know where your cervix is. What do they even swab? Probably your cervix. Do you even know where that is? Do you have to put the thing? No clue. The clamp thing? You know the things to lift up a car? You know how they put that in your vagina and make it open? Yes. I need to know. Don't vaginas have three holes or something? How am I supposed to know what hole it's going in? No clue. The blowhole? I really don't understand, but...
she she the funniest thing alex that is so fucking funny that you ask the if it was more expensive or like if it was going to cost me more money that was the first thing that came out of my mouth i was like does it cost me less if i swab myself that's what that's literally what happened she told me the cost doesn't change so at that point i'm like
Yeah, I think I'd rather have a professional and someone who went to, you know, years and years and years of medical school to swab my vagina. So they put me in the stirrups, whatever. They put that metal clamp thing and you were talking about in the vagina. And the doctor says, hi, do you have a light by any chance? Because I can't really see into this girl's vagina because it is a gaping black hole. Yeah.
- No. - It's a cave. No, she didn't fucking say that. - Oh my God, I was like, dude, were you, are you sure that was the doctors? You sure you didn't just like walk into some random person's house?
No, but the doctor does ask the assistant for a light and the assistant says, oh shit, you know what? Oh my God, I actually don't have the light. I would have to go grab it. And then that's unsanitary. And she turns to me and says, could we use the flashlight from your iPhone? Shut the fuck up.
I'm at a loss for words and there's no way that this is some normal ass shit. I obviously tell them, yes, I'd rather she can like see in my vagina than not see anything at all.
But there I am laying completely naked with my legs spread open and my greedy phone case with a flashlight being held into my vagina. And the assistant goes, I just thought you would feel more comfortable if we used your phone. So you knew I wasn't taking a video or something like that.
You're like, I wasn't even thinking about that, but damn, now I am. Now I'm just picturing, like, if you were to do the swab yourself, like, what, you're supposed to stand over a mirror, have your flashlight. Like, I don't, I do not, I don't get it. I don't either, but also, she didn't need to bring up the fact that, like, that's why she wanted to use my phone, but...
Anyways, the whole thing is just fucking annoying. It's like dudes can stick their dick in an apple pie and they can like go about their day. That is a scene from a movie, by the way. I didn't just like make that shit up from thin air. But vaginas are just were fucked. You could like whisper something near someone's vagina and like something bad would happen.
I swear. You could be eating a girl out and say the wrong thing while you're down there. And she's getting gonorrhea. That's how STDs work, right? Yeah, you just got to speak to it. So I'm still waiting for the results. I still have an unhappy vagina.
If anyone knows like any natural cures that actually work to cure bacterial vaginosis, which I'm pretty sure is what I have, please DM me and not the preventative type stuff because I haven't been, you know, on schedule with that type of thing. But I would love to know.
Also, I love how I'm trying to act like I'm au naturel when it comes to medication and everything else. And we all know the types of things I put into my body. God forbid I put antibiotics in my body. Holy shit. ♪
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Your cash back really adds up. Anyways, guys, moving on. And speaking of vaginas, can we talk about JLo's vagina for a second? Because that bitch, what a segue. I'm giving myself a pat on the back for that shit.
That bitch, J-Lo, Jenny from the block, has the most coveted pussy in Hollywood. Just, it's absolutely insane. So J-Lo, by the way, you guys got engaged to Ben Affleck, which I honestly don't really give a shit about. And this segment is probably just going to end up being more about me than her. But the news of J-Lo and Ben Affleck getting engaged, like,
again, after 18 fucking years, has me a little bit excited. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, that's crazy. Right? Like, I'm not someone who obsesses over celebrity couples because they're fucking here one day, they're gone the next. But these two getting engaged to Alex two decades later. Honestly, it gives me hope in my life.
Why? Because you want to get back with your ex from 10 years ago? You have hope that he still wants you? Absolutely fucking not. But it's just, it's giving me hope. Just love. Hope for love. Maybe this crumbling world may be healing. But like I was saying, J-Lo's pussy. Most coveted thing in Hollywood. And I say that without hesitation, okay? Yeah.
Look at this bitch's track record. This woman has collected engagement rings like fucking beanie babies when you were 10 years old, like seashells on the seashore, like fucking Pokemon cards. She has been engaged five times and married twice.
Put that in your pipe and fucking smoke it. And it's not like the men who fucking proposed to her. It's not like they're trash. Mark Anthony, Alex Rodriguez. I mean, what the fuck is JLo doing in bed?
What is she doing? It's that puss. She doesn't have a bacterial infection. I can tell you that right now. I know that for a fact. We talk about dick sand and how there's guys with dicks that just fucking you sink into it and you're fucking obsessed with them because of their dick. What is J-Lo's pussy? Fucking swamp. Pussy swamp. That's a bear trap. That sounds disgusting.
Yes, a fucking pussy bear trap. P-B-T. That's what we're going to start calling it from now on. Do you think she keeps all of the rings? I've always wondered that. Right? Because like, are you allowed to? Do you think she goes to a pawn shop? Doubt it. Doubt it. Do you think these rich ass guys are asking for it back? Doubt it.
She has like a safe with five fucking rings or more just chilling there. And honestly, if I were her, I would do the same shit. I mean, I guess she could. I was going to say she could melt them and make them into something. Pretty sure that's not how that works. I think it is. Maybe she could like remove all the diamonds, make like a necklace. Okay. Yeah. She could like work. She could work with it. She could turn it into a charm bracelet.
Mm hmm. Or it's like a sculpture to put on her coffee table. All the relationships that like went downhill. But honestly, had been proposed to that many times. I would keep those rings in a fucking safe in a drawer and I would pull them shits out. Anytime my boyfriend started pissing me off, like anything.
options. Okay. I have fucking options. I could drop you like a fucking fly, sir. And you're not the only one that wanted this vagine. Okay. There, there were multiple and there are many more that could come. Honestly, I would put all of the rings on at once on one hand and look at myself in the mirror while I do my morning affirmations. Like I am that bitch. Yeah.
Would you not do that shit? I feel like I would put him on a key chain and like jingle him around. And whenever Ben's acting up, I just like jingle him. You majored in clinical psychology, right? Uh-huh. What is it? Pavlov experiment? I know I'm saying it wrong. Pavlov classical conditioning. Yeah. Start jingling them every time he starts crying and then he'll start associating with being sad. Yeah.
Gotta train these men. Men are dogs. And then you're in this fucking bitch. I have never been proposed to. Why do you sound shocked? I'm not surprised you have not been proposed to yet. Wait, really? Because I'm like surprised. I've dated some dudes that were pretty obsessed. Not enough to put a ring on it. I know. What does J-Lo have that I don't have? An insured ass for probably $5 million. Okay.
1000%. And I'm the biggest liability on planet earth to marry probably. Okay. Well now we have to put it into perspective, but I, I just truly love this engagement for her and to the people that have the audacity to say shit like poor JLo. She can't keep a man. Um,
out of here she can't keep a man she has them on deck okay if anyone has hoes it's JLo
And if I don't have this type of pull at 52, I mean, I don't have it now, so I don't know why I'd have it at 52, especially considering the way I party and I'm going to age not like a fine wine. I will be looking 52 in about five to 10 years. But like, it's just crazy to me that people are out here saying she can't hold a man down. Yeah.
You probably have just as many failed relationships as JLo people listening. You just couldn't get the guy to put a ring on it. That is the only difference. And I am talking to myself, by the way. But that's really what it comes down to. It's how many failed relationships have all of us had. We just decide to judge it if there's a ring put on it or when it hits a certain amount or when you're a certain age.
I'm just, I'm over it. I'm over it. But Jennifer Lopez honestly doesn't give a fuck and she shouldn't. Because why should you stay in shitty relationships because of some bullshit public perception or some false idea of happiness? I mean, look at your parents. I mean, not you, Alex, but yours too and mine and probably yours.
I'm pretty sure the divorce rate is 50 to 60 percent. So 50 to 60 percent of the people listening, your parents, you know, those bitches should have been divorced way before they actually got divorced. Correct? Oh, yeah. Do you feel like that about your parents? Definitely. Right? Yeah. I mean, that shit was bad. So.
I am going to get so much fucking shit for this. I'm spiraling out of control. I think it's because I had to turn the air conditioning off in here so it wouldn't ruin the audio and I'm like sweating, but it doesn't matter. I would just like to say something. This is a little tangent about divorce and about children. I was having this conversation with my friend literally yesterday. Okay. She is going through a divorce and
And she was going on and on and on about how she just felt horrible for her kids. And you know what I straight up told her, Alex? What? I straight up told her that a little divorce has never hurt anybody, including your kids. Okay? And your kids probably deserved it. And it was probably their fault that you guys got divorced. Wow, you sound like my parents.
No, that is so fucked up. I've heard of like parents trying to say that type of shit. No, it's so fucked up. When you're like 11, like... You guys, I'm not a fucking monster, but I did tell her like divorce is not the worst thing in the entire world. I mean, I think it can actually be really good for your kids. Definitely. I mean, like when my parents got divorced, like it could have been faster just to like get it over with, you know?
And also you shouldn't just stay in a marriage that is super toxic and not get a divorce because you're scared of hurting your kids. You're hurting your kids by staying in a shitty marriage. Vibes don't lie. Kids can like catch on to that shit. Plus, and this is where I'm going to lose people and I don't give a fuck. I think all children should experience a little bit
turbulence or fucked upness growing up it's true I believe it I really really do I really do I think that kids that grow up with picture perfect family and nothing they've never had to deal with any type of turmoil or I don't know what's another word Alex
I don't want to say trauma, okay? Because I know divorce can be traumatizing. And so I don't want to take that away from people. But yeah, I agree. You think I would be this hot and this funny if I didn't have trauma growing up? No. Thank you. It builds character. A little seasoning. It builds character. And it makes sure that your kid isn't going to grow up and be a little bitch.
and they're gonna know how to handle life and they're gonna be able to fucking take life in stride or depending on the trauma it could completely fuck them up and really like really set them back but you guys get what the fuck i'm saying i think divorce is great that is what i'm trying to say anyways so apparently ben affleck popped the question
Um, while JLo was in the hot tub, which is a hot tub bathtub, excuse me, which is apparently like her favorite place in the world. Mine too. Which I honestly get because he's already proposed to her. He's one of 20 guys that's proposed to her. They're rich. They're famous. She's at all the men. It's it was that was a perfect place to do it.
You know what I'm saying? For sure. It's the small things that count, right? Yes. Besides the ring, because that thing is not fucking little. And he got it in green, which is her lucky color, apparently. And I love a man who pays attention to detail and actually cares to listen. Even if it is 18 fucking years later.
18 years later, clearly guys, sleuths, the bar is, has been set under the ground for us. We're fucked. Like we're absolutely fucked, but-
In all seriousness, this is really making me think because as I sit here at age 29, I will stress myself out and I will stress out about shit I don't have answers to.
And I hope that you heard that correctly, Sleuths. I do not have the answers to shit going on in my love life. So keep that in mind as you hate me more and more every week for not keeping you guys updated. I apologize. Once I have an update, I will give it to you. It's just a little bit complicated right now. But I promise when I know you will know and maybe maybe you'll be in 18 years.
And three husbands later, you never know. But for real, like this situation is just really making me reconsider things because by the time I'm J-Lo's age, who knows how many husbands, fiancés, side hoes I'm going to have gone through. So many. This J-Lo shit has me excited as fuck. To get ran through? That was rude. Yeah.
Just kidding. I don't think that's rude at all. I think that's a fucking compliment and I'm looking forward to it. And I thank you for actually bringing that up. Think about their sex. Do you know how insane J-Lo and Ben's sex must be to come back to each other 18 years later? Insane. Insane.
Do you think Ben is like one of those like really jealous guys that's like, hey, I need you to go down the list of all the dudes you fucked the past 18 years? Probably, yeah. You know, like when you go on a break, like you're like, okay, what did you do like during that time period? It's like 18 fucking years. But I mean, 18 years of makeup sex has to be the hottest thing ever. For sure. Which brings me...
to the bigger point I wanted to make, which is getting back with your ex. Alex, I want your opinion on getting back with your ex. Hi, you are with your ex. Wait, you are with your fucking ex right now. Okay, so this is fucking perfect. Go ahead and tell us your perspective. How's it going? It's going good. Way better than before, actually. Like,
Thank God a lot of changes were made on his end before I let this even happen. I like that. So I, you know, I did monitor him from the X point to being my boyfriend again to make sure I wanted him. What does that mean? Make sure he was exactly where I wanted him. Right. Which, to be honest, you know, people are constantly saying like,
your ex is an ex for a reason, leave it that way. I don't necessarily agree with that. I think that people can change. And I do think that there are certain situations where people can, like in your instance, come back together and make it work. But it's on one condition, okay? And it's like a very, very important one is,
There has to be enough time spent in between where you guys were able to like actually progress as individuals and make changes, etc. Yes. How long was your guys's little break in between or breakup or whatever? It was probably like.
a year or okay two yeah okay so cutting it a little close a little close like no 18 like gap like j-lo and ben or what yeah if it's not 18 years then like it's not gonna work no actually a year no a year to two years is is good i'm thinking about those people that
It's an on again off again Every few months type of thing That's where I'm telling you right now Yes your ex is an ex for a reason But if you guys have really Taken the time And actually been apart That's the other thing People will break up
And we'll still be stuck in the same bullshit. You know what I'm saying? Yes. That does not count. You guys need to actually separate. Be alone. Don't fucking talk during that period. I mean, check in, whatever. But it's not like a daily we're talking to each other every day thing. And I believe in second chances. And I think that you can like try shit again. Yeah.
Some things you can't like forgive people for. I don't even have to say those out loud. But yeah, I do agree. I do believe that people can change and I do believe in second chances.
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This is not like, this is not us giving hope to the people that are fucking dating or were dating complete pieces of shit, asshole dudes that treated them like dirt. No, this is for the people that, you know, there were a few things that could be worked on or maybe like the person fucked up, but it was, it's, it's all things that you can move past and it doesn't, you know,
It doesn't cross your boundaries in any way. But I do think that, you know, you can get back together with your ex and you can fucking do it 18 years later. Holy shit. That is so, that is just like the most bizarro shit I've ever heard. But you guys, I digress. And you know what?
It's time for a little thing I like to call Sloot University. Okay, so everyone in the class, put your fucking vapes away because I will be confiscating them. And I just want everyone to take a deep breath and take in what I'm about to tell you without judging yourself because I'm a victim of it too. In fact, I'm dealing with it right now.
And my friend is actually the one who called me out on it. So I now need to call everyone else out so I can feel better because misery loves company. It really is so true. When I have an issue, I try to like...
talk to a friend and be like oh wait i feel like you have this too right something about just other people being sad when you're sad just hits different you know it hits different it feels like so fucking good it feels so much better it's i don't know how to explain it
Come on, you and your bestie going through a breakup at the same time? Please, there's nothing better than that. Nothing. That's better than you guys being in happy relationships at the same time. Let's be honest. For real. So this is a moment to just check in with yourself and ask yourself this question. And it's a big one.
Do you love them or do you love the idea of them? Because those are two very different things. - Yes. - And it's honestly hard to tell sometimes. I'll be honest, I have 100% fallen into this trap before. - For sure. - Because as much as I'm a sleut,
and encourage everyone to move on onto the next. I, at the end of the day, am still somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I am. I love love. And believe it or not, people are like, you have cheated on every boyfriend. You are literally a piece of shit and talk shit on men for a living. But no, I do. Like, I love love.
And I think most people do at the end of the day. Yeah. I don't know. I'm thinking about some fuckboys I know. Well, some people have never had love, so they don't know what it's like. Thank you. That is exactly right. So if you've experienced it, I think the majority of people want to end up with someone and they love love too, you know? Even fuckboys.
I actually know so many dudes who were repulsive, disgusting, fucking anything that they could, just notorious bachelors that would literally tell me I'm never settling down. And even they ended up settling down and falling in love. And they would even confess to me at the end of the day that they wanted that type of thing. But that's not the point. The point is, do you love someone
that person or do you love the idea of that person? And the issue is that a lot of us fall in love with the idea and not the actual person. We've all done it at some point. - Of course. - We all fall in love with the idea at first
Because we don't know anything about them in the beginning. The amount of times I've been on dating apps and I've seen like some guy and they're like put some of their favorite albums that are some of my favorites and has a bio that is something I'm interested in. I'm like, wow, like...
And then also I plan my entire life with them and my marriage and what our kids names are going to be and everything, you know, like that, I would say that is kind of falling in love with the idea of someone. I mean, it's not falling in love, but you know, like at the beginning, it's like stuff that you don't know about them. Like you just grasp whatever you can and like make shit up in your mind and
you know fall in love with that exactly because what else what else do you have to go off of you only have what they presented to you so far so yeah you fall in love with the idea you don't actually know this person it's all just based on what they are revealing to you which we are all trying to reveal our best selves in the beginning by the way
So I think that's why this is such a trap and it's such a common thing. And it's like,
That guy that you met at the bar and ended up dating for three years. Yeah. Remember in the beginning how you romanticize that like smoky, shitty dive bar with sticky floors and you thought of it as if you were in it like a scene from Sex and the City. And that's how your love story started. And then it's three years later.
And you realize, oh shit, this guy never ended up getting a job and still parties till 6 a.m. every night and still chain smokes Newports. Like that, then that's when it becomes a problem. In the beginning, sure. In the beginning, we are going to give you a get out of jail free card and you're allowed to fall in love with the idea. But if you're still hanging on to the idea of,
of them months down the road, we need to take a step back because I promise you, you do not want to be three years down the road thinking, shit, I probably should have paid more attention to this and this and this and whatever else this person does as our relationship progressed. Because that's the thing, Alex, this is the other thing about this. We ignore the red flags of
Because we want love so bad. Mm-hmm.
Because we've like convinced ourselves, we like brainwashed ourselves from fucking meeting them day one that they were this like perfect imaginary person. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like you remember how they made you feel once in the past and you're holding on to that. You're like, oh, that was that person at one point. Like you're just waiting for that person to come back around. But in reality, when they reveal their true colors, that's who they really are. Not the guy who gave you flowers at the beginning, you know?
Exactly. And we and we want to ignore the red flags because it doesn't match up with what we believe to be true. And that's like really hard for human beings. I'm sorry. Let's pull out that psychology degree again. I know there's a term for this that I learned in fucking AP psychology in high school. There's a term predetermined bias, preconceived construct. Yeah, that makes sense.
Is that what it's called? Don't remember, but it makes sense. It's whatever that term is when you are doing a Google search and you want an answer to something, but you're going to type it in a certain way so that the Google search gives you the answer you're looking for. Yes. I don't know what the fuck it's called, but I know that there is a term for it and it's
It's just this loving someone and loving the idea of them are two very different things. And if you don't know if you actually love this human being or if you just love all the shit you made up in your head of what your potential future could look like, you need to slow down.
have fallen in love with potential way too many times for my own good and envisioning a future with this person but it's not them it's a changed version of them mm-hmm
I either potential like, oh my God, you know what? That's just, you know what? I'm going to ignore that. That's something he can work on or he'll change. He'll grow up. He'll did it. XYZ. I could go down a fucking list. Yeah.
And this isn't just for single people, by the way. This isn't just like single people desperate for love. This is for everybody. You can be in a relationship right now listening to this, not feeling fulfilled, but holding on to the hypothetical future that you guys could have. Mm hmm.
And I mean, I could just like talk about this for fucking days. It's like living and romanticizing the future as opposed to seeing what's really happening in your face is a really dangerous game. And yeah,
You can sit there all day and think to yourself and convince other people around you like, oh my God, on paper, it's perfect. You know, he's the guy that you can build a family with, et cetera. Great job. He checks off all the boxes, but you're not actually seeing them for who they are and how they fit into your life. Yes. Yeah.
How they fit with you. Are they a good fit for you? Because even if they look good on paper, that doesn't mean that they're a good match for you. Yes. And you also need to look at things like, okay, is it...
you really love this person or you just love the fact that there's someone in your bed every night or thank you do you love this person or do you love you know someone that can buy you dinner every night just like little things like that like you know things that doesn't have to be specific to this one person yeah it's just the idea of having another body there with you
I am so glad you brought that up. And that is so fucking smart. It's like, if you feel like you can't live without this person and then let's say they decide that they need to go on a work trip and they disappear for a few weeks. And so you like replace them with your best friend and like you're chill with that too. And you like, don't even miss them. And your best friend was like an easy replacement for them. Um,
like that type of shit should signal to you like, oh, maybe you just don't want to be alone. You can't stand being alone. You just want a body like Alex said. Or like, you know, you want someone there for you to mow your lawn, take out the garbage can, play catch with you. But in reality, you just are missing a relationship with your father.
Yes, that's another fucking great example. You're getting that from your boyfriend. Exactly. And definitely pay attention to this if they're, you know, the significant amount of years older. Alex, you're looking into my soul right now. I fucking, I see you. But yeah, there's a lot of reasons that we stay in relationships like this.
Without actually really being in love with that person. And it's the idea. You might actually find yourself changing to fit their expectations because you're so in love with this idea and making it work. Mm hmm.
I've caught myself doing that, doing shit like, Sophia, what the fuck are you doing? Like, this is, you're not this type of bitch. You're like that desperate for this future, this imaginary future. It's just, I mean, there's a lot of different reasons we do this. I think a big one is, let's be honest, it's like being scared to just be alone. But I promise for everyone listening,
I promise you are going to save yourself a lot of self-pity and heartbreak and time. And not to mention, you're going to make your life way less complicated if you end things now than down the road.
And then later you have to like reconcile with the fact that this isn't your person and you low key, middle key, high key, whatever the kids are saying these days, you knew it all along and you just didn't want to see it. Yeah. And I don't believe in like time being wasted. But if you if you're pretty certain about something and your gut is telling you, you know what, this isn't the right person for me.
Take action. It's going to be fucking hard. But think about it. It's going to happen eventually. Exactly. And with that, I would just like to rephrase the question. Do you love them? Or do you love the idea of them? And really think about that. I think if you're wondering what the next steps in the relationship are or if you want to break up or whatever it is, ask yourself that question and go from there. And that...
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Let's get into listener questions. SOS. Save our sleuths. Alex, I have not done this shit in a fucking minute with you. And I feel like this is when we have the best time ever. We're usually like eight white claws deep together during this. But, you know, we might be on a little something else. Who knows? Ha!
So let's get into it, Alex. Okay. Question number one. Hi, Sophia. I was wondering if a guy asks you out on a date on a Tuesday, does that mean that he's not really interested? Like, do you think if a guy asked you to go out on a Friday, he's more interested than if they want to go out on a Monday or a Tuesday? I have a Tuesday date where we are going rock climbing and I don't
rock climb pray for me girl I'm honestly like shocked this girl is not more concerned about the rock climbing yeah I would be fucking pissed
Can you like imagine that as your first date? I would literally rather a dude ask me out on a date and take me to McDonald's than go rock climbing. And that's me being dead serious. Maybe that's my fear of heights. I don't know. Would you be down?
I mean, it could be my fear of how the harness makes my ass look. Yes. You know, maybe try that on first before you actually agree to go to this date because that is one interesting thing to see. Your ass does not need to look like that on a first date in front of this dude. And you're being like propelled above him and he's just seeing it from underneath. And like, he just, he doesn't need to see that right away.
Also, own your body, love your body in whatever shape or form. But okay, to her question. I'm horrified about the rock climbing, but...
I don't think the day of the week matters. I really, really don't. I think the time matters. I think if he says, hey, let's meet at 8 p.m. for dinner, you've got yourself a date and like a respectable dude. If it's like, you know, I've been in situations like this where it's, hey, I just, I have a late shift tonight. Will you come over at, you know, midnight, 1 a.m.?
That's an issue. But the Tuesday versus the Friday versus the Wednesday, I don't think that shit matters. What do you think? I think it could go both ways. Like if a guy asks you out to go out on the weekend, you know, you could be like, oh, he's just trying to take me to a dark bar and then take me straight home after like he doesn't want anyone to see us. When like during the week or during the day that's like in public, you know,
You know, I think it's less Heidi, but then also if he doesn't take you out on any weekend, like, oh, so he's with his friends. He doesn't want like your friends to know. So I think it could go both ways, but I think you, I agree with you, the timing. Like if he's asking you to hang out at, you know, noon is going to be better than if he asks you at midnight, you know, there's something obviously he only wants one thing and it's not to rock climb with your sister. Yeah.
It is not rock climbing. It is to see your ass contortion, but like in a different type of way. I completely agree with you. I think there's pros and cons to both things. I think if he's only taking you out Tuesday night for four months straight and will not bring you out on the weekends, then you've got a problem. But if it's like your first date and it's a Tuesday, like who gives a fuck? Like that doesn't really mean anything. Yeah. Yeah.
I think that's better than, you know, hey, show up to this party that my boy is having this triple kegger on Friday. Try to find me in the crowd. Like, maybe I'll see you. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So there's pros and cons to both. The date of the week doesn't really matter. I would just like keep an eye on it. Okay. Alex, how about you take this one over? I would love to. All right.
Have I filmed myself having sex? Yes. Is the sky blue? Yes. Yes. Yes.
Um, so she's not nervous about being on camera because she's natural talent and was born for the stage is what it sounds like. But she's nervous because she wants to look good. Right. Like in this video, like when he's like looking back watching it.
Sweetie, I just need to remind you, he's not fucking you in the metaverse. He's not fucking you virtual reality. He's fucking you in person. His penis has been in your vagina. He knows what you look like. So you don't need to be worried about that.
If I'm being completely honest, if I know that there's a camera in front of me, am I going to be a little bit freakier? Am I going to turn it up a notch? Am I going to...
Put on a little bit more of a performance. Break your back a little bit more. Exactly. Arch the back. Put the booty up a little bit more. Sure, that's fine. But this guy, he knows what your body looks like. I mean, he fucks you in person. Also, film it on your phone. Also, don't put your face in it. No. That's kind of hard to do. It's hard to do. But another thing is if you're like me and you have tattoos...
Doesn't really matter if your face is in it or not, you know? Damn, the tattoos are like a giveaway or any like distinctive moles or anything like that. You got to think that through.
you can put a mask on, but I mean, you can always, you milf hunter it, ghost writer it. You can always just film it on your phone. And if you, and then, and then watch the video. And if you think you look hot, then send it to him. If you watch it and you don't think you do be like, sorry, babe, I don't feel comfortable. Bye. Moving on. Okay. Next question.
Any tips to look and feel my best for the big day? Thank you. Someone's getting married? What, a sleuth's getting married? I was going to say like your sugar daddy died and you're inheriting like a million dollars. Wait, yeah, she didn't say what. What is a big day? The big day. It's a wedding, correct? Yeah, that's what like this term usually is used for.
I mean, I'm the last person that should be answering this. I can just answer from my perspective of like what I do to look good for a night out and for a night out, which is very different than your wedding. Um,
I would meditate. I've been trying to implement this shit into my morning routine every single day. And I have a drastically different day every single time I do this. And I think it makes no difference if it's a regular Wednesday or if it's on your fucking wedding day. Take 10 to 20 minutes to meditate and breathe regularly.
Right. First thing in the morning before you check your phone, it's a complete game changer. When you wake up and the first thing you do is look at your phone, it's like your cortisol levels shoot through the roof. Like it's just fucked up. Yeah. And even if you have to schedule it, because I sometimes have to do this.
Every few hours, make sure you give yourself like five to 15 minutes to just be alone and breathe and be calm. Also, hate to say it, but I need to say it, 20 minutes of exercise. Whether that's Pilates, yoga, whatever the fuck it is. Spray tan. Nails, lashes, eyebrows done, lips done, all of it.
Yes. Have your makeup done beforehand. Make sure you like how that lady or man did your makeup. Make sure they're doing your makeup. Have your hair done beforehand. Make sure you like it so they can do it again. I feel like it's a very simple question. I mean, how to look and feel my best. I don't know. Maybe go to therapy like the weeks leading up to it. Like, bitch, I don't fucking know. I feel like these are all...
Yes, that's exactly what you should do is go to a psychic the night before your wedding and see what they have to say. They're like, no, this guy is not for you. I know. I honestly think, though, just remind yourself that it's a wedding. It's supposed to be fun. It doesn't need to be perfect.
it's just a day celebrating the two of you. And if you fall going down the runway or the aisle or whatever the fuck it is, or if there's some mishap, it's funny and it's, it doesn't matter. Like people are there to celebrate you and celebrate like an amazing moment. And like, don't stress about it. Cause then what's the fucking point? Also take a couple shots before you walk down the aisle. Okay, cool. Next.
Hey, Sophia, long time listener here with a tip for first dates. Always do something to raise their adrenaline levels. It is scientifically proven that raising their adrenaline will wire their brain to associate that boost in endorphins with you. So they get addicted to you. One of my favorite ones in college was to get plastic surgery.
and then breaking into the pool at the rec center they always became obsessed with me that's so funny simpler ideas are taking shots at the bar watching a horror movie etc loyally a fellow Sophia with an F slew okay well I fucking love you by the way girl whoever wrote this in you sound like my spirit animal um Alex what do you think
I'm trying to see how taking shots raise adrenaline levels. Does that happen to you? I think I've just become accustomed to it. It's just like, you know, another day in the life. But I love this. It kind of makes sense. It makes me think like, okay, so is this why I fall in love with every single guy who drives like they're fast and furious? Like I'm fighting for my life in the car every time he drives. Like it makes sense.
Alex, please tell me you're not that girl. I hate when guys drive fast. I think it's so stupid. No, of course I hate it. But you know, like something about a little, you know, risk out there. Tokyo Drift, just something about it. I don't know. I mean, I don't know if I agree with the shots at the bar, like watching paranormal activity is necessarily going to get like the adrenaline pumping. That's like,
Something I just do every week. But I will say I completely agree with this girl because I think I play this card and I play it very well. And I'm allowed to say that because I'm always self-deprecating. And every once in a while, I can like give myself a pat on the back. When I'm like dating a guy or trying to impress them or whatever, I...
Play the fun girl card and I'm wild and fun and I'm like,
Try to one up them on like how crazy and not in an annoying way, but just in a pick me way. But no, like I, I do go into a situation with a dude if I'm trying to impress him and I play the fun girl. Maybe I'm not even playing her, Alex. Maybe I just am her. How about that? You know? Okay. Could be. You're not. I am pretty fun. You actually are a lot of fun.
I also have a lack of boundaries and I definitely have instances where I take this type of thing too far and then it ends up fucking me. So let's just keep that in mind. But the times it does work, it fucking works. Basically, bottom line, guys. Yes, this works. If you raise this guy's adrenaline levels just by hurrying and putting his dick in your mouth when you're driving home, um,
I don't know what the fuck it is. Pretending to throw, push him off a building. I don't fucking know, but it works. He's going to remember you. But Alex, we are running out of time. I have missed you more than anything. I love you so fucking much. Where can they find you? You can find me at Alex Franco underscore meow on Instagram and TikTok.
And you can find me, Sophia with an F, Franklin with a Y on all social media platforms, except on TikTok. It is Sophia Franklin and the number zero, which yes, I just found out about a couple months ago and I've had a TikTok for a minute now. And also-
I always want to leave you guys with this. If you enjoy the show, please, please, please, please, please, more than anything, subscribe, rate, review. But even more than that, share it with anyone and make them subscribe or make them listen because it's the reason I can keep making this show. And Alex can keep making this show. And we can keep making this show. And Sophia and I can live on. All right, guys. I love you so much. And I will see you next week. Bye.
Bye!
