cover of episode 65: Sofia With No Job ft. The Morning Toast

65: Sofia With No Job ft. The Morning Toast

Publish Date: 2022/2/10
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Woo! Hello, everyone. I feel like it's been a fucking minute. Hi, party people. Welcome back, flutes. Holy shit. I don't know why it feels like it's been a year since I've spoken to you guys. Probably because a lot of shit has happened. I don't even know where to fucking start.

Okay, Nelk Boys, that's where we're going to start. So the prank that I just did, I was featured in the Nelk Boys' latest video. We pranked one of their assistants who...

was by far, and I mean, if you guys saw the video, you guys know what I'm talking about. He was by far the most arrogant asshole I've ever met in my entire life. Love him to death, lie less, want to hang out with him again a million times.

And it was just one of the craziest things that I've ever done in my entire life. One of the craziest things that I've ever had to pull off is what I should say. I felt like I was on an episode of The Sopranos and I was like wired up for the feds. That's literally how it felt like walking into this shit. I mean, there were like some people that reached out to me and they were like, no way was that real? Like no fucking way.

Please kindly shut the fuck up. Everything you saw on that prank was as real as it gets. Okay. I want to give you guys like a step by step of this entire situation. So they have me DM their assistant, which by the way, I already had a DM sitting waiting for me from him. That was like, hey girl, I see you're in Miami. Want to hang out? So it was like the perfect fucking setup, right?

So I respond. I start talking to him. We exchange phone numbers. I'm getting like a little bit of guidance from Kyle and all them over at Nelk Boys on like what to say. But I'm just really playing it off like, hey, like, let's hang out. Let's go on a date. So once it was established that Aaron and I were going to go on this date and I get the go ahead to fly to L.A.,

I pack all of my hottest, sluttiest little outfits because I know this shit is going to get views. I'm not an idiot and I want to look hot.

And I show up to the restaurant and the whole team is there. And they tell me like where to sit, where the cameras are hiding, like within the restaurant. Like there was a fucking camera, like in a plant. There was a fucking mic strapped underneath the table. There was so much shit going on. This wasn't a joke. It was CIA shit. So I go and they start wiring me up. And the first thing they tell me is,

In order to hide the wire...

We need you to wear a long baggy t-shirt. So I'm like, okay, cool. Chill. I'm in the middle of LA. I have an hour before I have to be back here. Let me just, yeah, let me just, you know, throw and burn all of the crop tops I brought and figure something out. So I go to my friend's place, Kiana. I rip apart her closet and I find something. That's fine. I think what I was most worried about was the fucking AirPod thing.

They had me wearing the entire date. Okay.

I didn't have some fancy like earpiece that blended in with my ear that was taped to my ear. No, there were like technical difficulties that happened last minute. And they asked me if I could just use my own AirPod, put it in my ear so that they could talk to me that way. So I go on this date with this dude and I have to hide a wire and I have a fucking AirPod in my ear. And I don't know about you guys, but...

When I go on a date...

I'm playing with my fucking hair. Okay. We're moving our hair around. We're flipping it around when we're flirting. We're tucking it behind our ear. We're putting it up in a ponytail. Like I am fucking with my hair on a date more than I'm fucking with a guy. Okay. So the fact that I had to make sure the hair was in front of my face so that he wouldn't see my fucking air pod in my ear the entire time for like six hours straight was wild. Okay.

The thing is, there is an entire hour that I spent with this guy in between takes that you guys don't even see in the prank. Because what the situation was, they had to move their camera crew from the restaurant all the way to the SLS hotel. And in between that, I had to keep him distracted. So I was on my own with this guy for an hour. And it was...

It was fucking nuts. Okay, I'm trying to think. So we leave the restaurant and he says, I have the best hookup at Nice Guy. Let's fucking go. And I'm like, okay, cool. Let's go to Nice Guy. We show up at Nice Guy, which by the way, is like one of those popular clubs in LA, whatever. And they won't let us in.

OK, there is paparazzi standing outside. They will not let us in. We're standing out there. He's freaking the fuck out. He's like, no way this shit is happening to me. Like, this doesn't happen to me. Like, I'm going to call this guy, this guy, this guy. I even offered. I was like, homeboy, can I call some of my friends and like let us in? Of course, with his ego, he was like, fuck no. And all of a sudden, all of these like drop dead gorgeous TikTokers,

who probably weren't even of age, start rolling in and they're just all staring at us sitting outside of the club with Aaron screaming on the phone. And paparazzi starts taking pictures of the TikTok people. And then they start taking pictures of me, which those pictures were not posted. And I'm just thinking about the pictures.

And it's just me standing there with my arms folded off to the side, not able to get into the fucking club, whatever. So it was just fucking insane. And the entire thing you saw was real. And I will absolutely do it again. I think...

I think that was my little segue into a really big thriving acting career. So Netflix, let me know. Not that you have to be a good actor or actress to be on Netflix. No shade. It was fucking insane though. What else?

Oh, well, I just got back from New York last night. So if I sound like I'm a little bit deranged, you guys know why. I flew into New York to celebrate my best friend's 30th. It was so amazing. And per usual, I was supposed to be in New York for two days. I ended up staying there for eight days. I can't remember the last time I bought a round trip ticket.

awe of people that are disciplined and responsible and structured enough to schedule a trip beforehand where they have a start date and an end date. That shit is fucking wild. The last 50 times I've traveled, it's been a one-way ticket.

Unless the trip was planned for me. And this is not me saying like, oh, I just live like off the cuff and I'm wild and free and thriving. No, it actually makes me really upset. But I digress. So I go to New York. I spend my friend's 30th with her in a big group of like gorgeous, amazing girls and

Then I basically moved into Kiana's house, Kiana's dad's house, excuse me, who, by the way, Kiana, one of my closest friends, also on the Sloot Media team. And the thing is, Kiana and I don't see each other that often, maybe like every other month. But when we do, it's just chaos.

I thank God and my lucky stars every fucking day that we don't live in the same state because it would be bad. I get there. We record an episode. We put it out. We sleep. And then it really started when we went to see Dave Chappelle perform. It was this private event because I just got it like that. I don't know if you guys knew.

It was amazing. Pete Davidson was there and he did a surprise set, which I didn't fucking hear because I was too busy rubbernecking looking for Kim. But he did do a set. He is really fucking hot in person. The point is...

When the show was over and then we went backstage and that was over and then we went to the after party and that was over and then the after after party and that was over, it wasn't fucking over. Okay? It was like five or six in the morning, 100% without a doubt, time to go home. No question. Unfortunately, the word home is not a word that Kiana and I understand. Right?

And it's one of my biggest faults. And I know people listening right now can relate. Knowing when it's time to just stop partying

once you start. Like there is 70 chances to stop the party. And then there's people like Kiana and I who just we decide to glimpse over all of those chances. And like the party does not stop ever. And it's it's not good. All nighters are really bad for your health. I did about three of them when I was in New York. So it's

So naturally, it's 6 a.m. and we're like, okay, we just had this crazy, amazing, incredible night. We should go home. Not really. How do we keep this shit going? We're like desperate because we're not going to the club. We're not going to the bar at 6 a.m. The only thing you can do at that point is hope that one of your friends is still partying or get a hold of someone that's having a party. So naturally...

I just start cold calling every single person I know in my phone book and people I didn't fucking know. That's like the craziest shit about this is the night before Chappelle,

I had met some people and exchanged phone numbers. I could not put a face to the name. I didn't even have their numbers saved in my phone. I just had random numbers that were like, oh, nice to meet you. I started calling those numbers asking if they were celebrating at fucking 6 a.m. Thankfully, actually, one person did answer. Okay, so.

This one guy I had met answered and he was like, yeah, that's totally fine. Come over. Come over to my house. It was an hour outside the city. Kiana and I did not care. We're like, oh my God, like an hour and 10 minute Uber drive. Whatever. Let's go. Let's just keep the party going. And the party did keep going. And by party, I mean, went to his place, took shots, put on all his clothes, and then he

the fucking terrorized his entire house, still off no sleep. I don't know how many more of these benders I have in me, you guys, probably way more than I'm proud of, but it was a lot. I ended up taking Molly, which I haven't taken in like six years. I'm going to talk about that next episode, but moving on. Oh, Valentine's day. Valentine's day is coming up.

Not that that fucking matters to me because there is no way I should have a boyfriend after the past week I just had. Really, I need to like sit and think about that. But we will get more into Valentine's next week. I just didn't want to do a whole V-Day prep episode this year because you know what I really want to talk about? Post-Valentine's Day because that shit is not talked about enough. So we will get into that next week.

If you guys do want some prep or advice for V-Day this year, though, refer back to episode 18, I think it was. I have a lot of good tidbits in there for Valentine's Day. Whether you're single in a relationship, I talk about everything. Anyways, guys, I want to get into this amazing guest, someone I know and love personally. So let's fucking get into it. ♪

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Sophia with an F. I am here with the one, the only, Claudia from The Morning Toast, aka Girl With No Job. Hey, Claudia. Hey, girl. Hey, how are you? I like how you skipped my last name because most people don't know how to pronounce it. Yes!

That's exactly why I did it. I was like, I'm not about to look like an idiot. I'm not one of those people who like really cares about the pronunciation of my name. I say Asherah, but I think it's like a Jewish last name. It's technically Oshri. I don't like to say it like that. Okay. So I actually really don't care, but I just wanted to call you out. How'd you know? Was it like the look on my face? No, because you were like, Claudia. A.K.A.

That's fucking hilarious. Well, Claudia, thank you so much for coming. We are in her studio right now, the Morning Toast studio, which is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Thank you. I'm very, very jealous. So, Claudia, let's talk about you host the Morning Toast, your podcast with your sister Jackie, right? Yeah.

And you guys talk a lot of pop culture. Is that correct? Yes. Can we please talk about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City? Oh my God, yes. I forgot you're a Utah girlie. Yes. Do you watch? Yeah. What are your thoughts? Because I have deep-rooted like hatred and thoughts. I would like to know your thoughts first before I unleash on you. Okay, so this is going to sound really, really, really fucked up and people are going to be really upset. I'm obsessed with Jen Chow.

I'm in love with her. I am in love with her. I think what she did is horrendous and horrible. But as a reality TV star, I'm kind of obsessed. And I do find her charismatic and I do find her funny. If it is true that she was defrauding... The elderly, the vulnerable, the disabled, yeah. Yeah.

No, I understand what you're saying. That's not true. Separating reality from reality TV sometimes is nice, but the crimes she's being accused of are so egregious. Like, I physically cannot not think of that. But can we hold it against her if she hasn't been, you know, found guilty? Yeah, I guess technically we are all innocent until proven guilty. Think about it. When we were like, people hated me without even knowing the story. Yeah, but the FBI didn't have like a...

a file cabinet full of paperwork on crimes you committed, you know? And so I do believe people are innocent until proven guilty. But I do believe when the US government, the FBI is coming after you, it's like, you're pretty much guilty. That's just my personal philosophy. Okay, well, I think that's a little bit wild because I don't agree.

I don't agree with that at all. How do we feel about Mary Crosby? Okay, she's so chaotic and she's got to go. She says so many problematic things. Yeah. I do think she's made an interesting housewife. I know she's not coming back, but she's not like other housewives. I don't think we've seen anyone like her. Not only is her business beyond bizarre, but she as a person is incredibly weird. Like, we've just never seen anyone like that. No, I mean, she fell asleep during the reunion. No.

Right. That's like what like. She says weird things. She like doesn't even. She's not even friends with any of the ladies. She married her step grandfather. Like there's just a lot of weird shit. Yes. Who's your favorite one out of all of them? I don't know if this is like a very hot take, but it's Meredith. And that's. Yeah. Okay. Period. I'm. I end the sentence. I'm making a face right now. Yeah. And that's fine. It's okay to be wrong. So.

It's okay. You don't always have to be right. Why is it Meredith? Well, I think all these women are acting horrendously this season and Meredith is the least horrendous. And I think of all the things she's yelling at everyone about, she's the most justified. Like she's allowed to hate Jen Shah when Jen Shah made homophobic slurs about her son who hasn't even come out yet. Like she's justified. That was really disgusting.

She's justified in being mad at her best friend of 10 years, Lisa, for standing with Jen Shah and not taking a firmer stance, being like, he's attacking my son. She's allowed to be mad at Lisa for that. She's also allowed to be mad at Whitney, Heather, and Lisa for doubting that she had a memorial for her father. Like, that's fucked up. Okay, Claudia, I am shocked right now that we have such different takes on the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City because- It's a divisive season. It's, I think, um,

Meredith, if it is true that she did call the FBI on Jen Shaw, I think that's horrifying. Sophia, okay. It's just like not how it works. Like the FBI doesn't like,

I think that the FBI has been looking into Jen Shah for years. I mean, she can't- Do you work for the FBI? Yes. I called in the tip on Jen Shah at Beauty Lab. But this has been a really good fucking season. I think last season, I was really disappointed. I was like, where is this going to go? I couldn't agree with you less. I think this is the worst season of Housewives in history. I'm going to-

fall off this couch. I don't. Erica Jane's husband was accused of similar- I've seen all of that type of stuff. On a bigger scale, but terrible crimes. It was her husband. And these ladies did not get together one time without talking about it. It was all, what did Erica know? Erica, Erica, Erica. Erica this, Erica that. The settlement. Erica, Tom. Lawyers. Articles. The LA Times. These women have not grilled Jen Shah whatsoever. They haven't even asked, like, why did you lie that you said Coach Shah was internal bleeding? And he wasn't. Like, no one

is holding her feet to the fire. And in Beverly Hills, that wasn't even about Erica. It was her husband who was being accused. Uh-huh. We have a woman who's literally being accused of heinous crimes against humanity. And no one wants to ask her a question like, did you do it? Wow. See, we're all getting so bent out of shape. Mary to this father's funeral and Mary's church. Yeah, Mary's church is interesting, but let's shelve that for another time. We have bigger fish to fry. Jen! I can't believe we are just complete opposites on this. Are my not speaking facts? Mm.

Not really to me. Okay, can we agree on this? I just think you're being ignorant. Okay, can we agree on this? Heather is hilarious. No, we can't. We can't. See, I'm actually leaving. Heather was my absolute favorite. Okay, and then what happened? And I think she was everyone's favorite and she's gotten like a little too cocky now because she like, she thinks she can do no wrong. I can see that. She's consistently every episode this season on the wrong side of history.

It's just my feelings. You really hate Jen. I don't hate her. Yeah, okay, fine. Sure. So I saw you tweeted, like, gotta get my mom on the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Yes. What is the status there? So what happened was, like, when they were filming season one, they reached out to my mom to see if they could rent the house because, like, she had an Airbnb or something. A lot of the women live in fake houses. Yes, which is, I guess, confirmed there. And then now they're getting rid of...

I guess Mary was... She's a goner. She's a goner. And Jenny's gone. Jenny... Are neither of them going to be at the reunion? Jenny was at the reunion. She got fired afterwards. Okay. Mary didn't show up, thus resulting in her firing. And do we know why Mary didn't show up? She just probably didn't want to get grilled. She just wasn't in the mood to talk about the cult, you know? Yeah.

Her cult was operating peacefully for many years and she just doesn't want to ruin that. Yeah. Do you think that the chances of your mom getting on Housewives might be jeopardized by you and your podcast? I feel like if anything, it would make her get on. You're like a celebrity. Right? Yeah. I think it would help her chances. I do know that when I started that, you know, everyone app,

Bravo, bravo, Andy. Bravo got really upset. Like they actually posted something on their story that was like, we are not going to respond just because you tag us over and over and over again. It's really annoying. Yeah. You'd make a great housewife.

Could you ever be on reality television like that? No, I think for a really long time, like when I first started, I was like, I want a reality show. That was always my goal. I think, you know, the Kardashians have set a great precedent for family reality shows. I have so many sisters. We're all funny and different. And I think it would be great. And then a couple of years ago, I realized that's like the last thing on earth I would want to do. Why is that? I don't think I could take the criticism.

Also, I just don't think that's like the way forward anymore. I think for a while, we all thought like once you get a reality show, like you'll make it and like that's, and that's just not the career I want anymore. No. And also I think now you can go on reality television and be like wiped away. Yeah. And you can really, I think,

I know that there are reality shows that have the same amount of viewers as like my Instagram stories or the podcast. Like, right. I think it's really the same. It's like what we do now on social media is like a grassroots reality show. Wow. I've never thought about it that way, but it's so true. There are shows on TV that get the same amount of viewerships as a lot of people's YouTube channels. And it's the same. Do you get anxiety? Because I mean, you have what? Three million followers on your page. Do you get anxiety when you post stuff or are you very just like throw it out there? Um,

I used to be and then I got canceled. I was like, oh, I need to just think more about the platform than I have. And I was just talking about this on another podcast. Like I had this revelation. Chrissy Teigen tweeted something like years ago, just like about fame. And she was talking about cancel culture. And she said something that like changed my life. She was like,

It occurred to me recently that I don't need to post every thought that I have. Okay. Like, yes, it's my job and I want to be totally authentic, but I just don't need to like always be telling everyone what I'm thinking. Like I can still be an authentic person who shares my life online without...

saying every thought that pops into my head. And I just, that was a lesson I think I needed to learn. Okay. So basically you had the opposite of anxiety. You were just like, put it all out there. And I used to get like wasted and like put up Instagram stories. I've done that. And I don't, I don't, I'm not even on my phone anymore when I drink. Cause first of all, I want to enjoy. And it's like, what the fuck?

are you doing? How crazy are you? Like, no, I know when I see new people like who come up on social media and they like get blacked out and they like post, which is exactly what I used to do. I always want to send them a message and just be like, you can still be successful without your drunk. It's just, you're, you're always going to post something you regret. Like maybe your nipples out, like there's all so many things to consider and it's something you have to learn the hard way. There's so many things like that you learn on the internet that you have to learn the hard way. By the way, Claudia and I have both been canceled. Yes.

And you talk about it in your book. Right here. Girl with no job. The crazy beautiful life of an Instagram thirst monster. Okay. Thirst monster. Claudia, can we please talk about that? Please. We'll talk about the canceled thing in a second. But I really need to get to the bottom of this. You said in your book that being thirsty is like not something to be ashamed of. A.k.a. the thirst monster. Please. What do you mean by that? I love that name. We respect people who network. Mm-hmm.

And a thirst monster is just someone who networks on the internet. And there's nothing wrong with being thirsty. Like that's when this is your career, like being thirsty is how you move forward. Like so true. So why do we like respect people who network in the business world when networking in the digital world is just being thirsty? So what do you mean? What is, what's the difference in the business world and the digital world? They say like when you work in finance or whatever, I don't know you, in order to be successful, it's like you network, you take people's business cards, you email them, you follow up, you have to be

and pursue people. And that's like a really good quality of being a good business person. That's what they say. I'm not a business person. I don't know. And so I think that the equivalent of that when you're an influencer is, you know, yeah,

DMing people, meeting up with people, reaching out to people. And it can come across thirsty or it could just come across like, hi, this is my business and I want to expand. You know what? That I am so glad you fucking said that because especially for me, since I had to like build my show from the ground up and like basically overnight and my old show was just so successful on its own without ever doing a collaboration, ever having a guest, whatever.

I had to have like a real wake up call and a real reality check with myself where it was like, oh, you're going to reach out to a bunch of people. It's awkward. Not everyone's going to respond. So you need to have thick skin because some people are just going to leave you on read. And I just never had to deal with that and have the most successful thing ever. And then how to, you know. It all came so easy until it didn't. Yes. And then when you start and then you own 100% of your show, like you want it to be the best possible show ever. So you want the best guests. And that involves like reaching out, cold calling. But the cool thing

about the internet is like a lot of people who are influencers, like they don't think it's weird, you know? Like if I were to DM someone who follows me and like we never met and I'm like, hey, I want to get drinks. Like, yeah, it's actually not weird. Yeah. But to the average person, they're like, that's weird. You're messaging someone you've never met on the internet to go meet up in person. Right.

Or you're going to get killed. That's true. But it's not like that. Does it ever fuck with your mental though? Like let's say you reach out to someone, you're a huge fan of them and they open your thing and they just like leave you sitting there. Yes. That's so rude. Yeah. I really respond to like mostly everyone who comes in is like, hey, you want to do a podcast swap? Even if I don't want to do it, I'll just be like, oh, I don't really like have time. You always just want to be respectful. Yeah. And I think that people who do that are people who

Just like our assholes. Right. I would never do that. Right. I wouldn't either. I mean, maybe I have like on accident, but I'm usually very good at responding because it just, it does, it's not a good look. And you know how it feels when someone doesn't respond to you. And I know how it feels. And also the thing is, is down the line,

And the thing is, someone else might be in a different position. You might be in one and you're going to need that person with the Internet. At some point, everyone's on their way up. They're on their way down. They're on their way back up. And so the people who when they're at the top of their game are rude. And then when they have, you know, like a scandal or they slip a little and they become less relevant, then they're nice. Like that's that's shady. And I always remember people who do that. I do, too, which, by the way, I don't think a lot of people know this.

Claudia was like a source of hope. I'm not even kidding. Like a bright light when I went through my traumatic experience and I got canceled. I remember, I can't remember the exact first conversation. I can. Was it after I put out the video? No, no, no. It was way before. There was a lot of...

whispers because you guys had stopped posting episodes and I think a lot of people thought like they're leaving Barstool. Like you guys were like this united front. And Jackie and I own a podcast network. You and I and Alex had never met, but we had DM'd a few times about getting drinks. It just never happened. So we just DM'd you guys being like, hey, like I'm not sure what's going on, but like we actually just know a lot about this. If you guys have any questions, you need advice or

You just want to tell us to fuck off. Like, here's our numbers. Yes. Just in case you have any questions. Yes. Because we were like, these are two female podcasters who are killing it. Like, we need to just share our expertise. We happen to know a lot. I remember now. And then you were like, oh my God, yes, Claudia, I'm going to call you. Yes. And that's when we started speaking. And then I took you up on that and you walked me through your entire situation. It made it so fucking clear to me, like what we needed to do at that time. But I think, you know, my favorite phone call with you is when...

I had to put out a public statement. The first one. And this is the first time people had seen me at all since everything happened. And it's kind of one of the most embarrassing things in my entire life. And it will forever haunt me because that's how the internet is. I am ghostly pale white. I am...

I was literally crying, rolling around on my mom's floor, telling her like I wanted to kill myself, which is not me being funny. I genuinely wanted to. And then having to get on my fucking Instagram story and film something. Yeah. And film something that I didn't even really want to say. But that's besides the point. And I said this on the morning toast, because by the way, you guys, I also go on there and I talk very in detail about this whole situation. Yes. There's a new episode today. Yes. Yes.

I talk about how you would think that was like my first go at it. That was my like 78th like try and me trying to edit like the pieces together. It was so bad. Anyways, I posted the video. Barstool like immediately came out with like a parody of it and then I put my face next to Michael Jackson. Oh, that's mean. It was really, I mean, I can laugh about it now. Yeah, of course. But,

that night, I remember texting you frantically and I remember you, we just got on a FaceTime and we FaceTimed in Jackie. Because Jackie's so smart. She is. I know what I'm good at and I know what I'm not good at. Jackie has this ability to just like see a situation and know the best way to move forward. Yes. And you guys like talked me through it and like brought me back down and you were like, no, trust me, I have a worse one. And I was like, no,

No, mine's worse. And you were like, no, mine's worse. We were going back and forth with our apology videos. Which one was worse? Which one was more cringy? Mine, hands down. No.

And please don't go searching for it. Like I have lived through enough pain, please. But yeah, you guys, you guys helped me so much in that time. And so like, I want to say thank you. Oh my God, it was a pleasure. It's also a pleasure having an inside track. Like what's really going on? Everyone was talking about it. I'm like, I could just text. Right? Yeah.

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I want to back up because we were just talking about reality TV. You were on Say Yes to the Dress. Yeah. Am I just bringing up a lot of points? Well, you know what? If you want to hear a real in-depth experience, it's all in my book, but I'll tell you the abridged version. They asked me if I wanted to go on. I was like really, I wasn't new to influencing, but I was like growing really fast and I was getting married. And the bridal industry is like very influencer focused. Like you can get, I got my whole wedding. Wow.

Oh, just for going on the show? No, no, no. Just for being an influencer. Oh, okay. And when they asked me to go on the show, I was like, I don't know. The idea of trying on dresses on TV, like makes me want to die. But then they offered me a $10,000 credit to Kleinfeld if I went on the show and posted about it on Instagram. So I'm like, wow, a free dress. I'll do it. Wow. And I thought like, it's not scandalous TV. Like how bad can they make me look? And I was so wrong.

So, you know, they do two brides per episode. Okay. And so I went in there and I really didn't know what I wanted, but my wedding was modern Orthodox because me and Ben are modern Orthodox Jews. So you can't really be under the chuppah in tank top. Okay, got it. So I wanted a long sleeve dress and that's also just a style I'd really liked for years. So I wanted long sleeve. And she...

The consultant who was so nice in person actually really liked her. The way they edited it was like I was asking for a black dress. Like it was the most insane thing ever. And you know, I'm not everyone's cup of tea. And I was like trying really hard to be like funny, cute. And I just came off like annoying and like spoiled. And then the second bride of that episode, it was like a special. She had lost her whole house in a flood. And-

And her wedding dress was ruined. Her whole house was gone. You were set up for complete failure. And everyone from Kleinfeld went down. They gave her a free dress and then paid for her whole wedding. So in between scenes of this girl who lost her whole flight and went through this traumatic experience is my like spoiled ass up in New York. Like, I want long sleeves. Like, and I just-

I would have looked bad either way, but the juxtaposition of her and me. Yes. They were out to get me. And they're putting like little clips together to just make you look really bad. Wow. So that's a real fucking thing with reality television. They will make you look however they want. It re-airs all the time. It re-aired two days ago. And I always know when it's re-airing because they talk about my Instagram. I get these messages like from old women in the middle of nowhere. They're like, you are uneducated and dumb. I'm like, thanks girl. Love you. I get so many messages about it. That

is so fucking funny. I'm not going to ask you what season, like what episode. No, I don't even know. How's that? I'm like so traumatized by it. I don't even know. What are you more traumatized? This say yes to the dress episode or the apology video? Apology video. Apology video.

I was just in such a bad place. Is there a such thing as a good apology video? Like regardless of the crime, right? I guess if you have like hair and makeup. But then, no, but then people get at you for like, why does she look so done up? I guess like for me, I was so embarrassed when I made that video. Like I had just been like this, you know, exposed. And I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed and I couldn't stop crying. My face was huge and I didn't want to look

pretty because I didn't want people to be like, you only care. And I just wanted to be honest. Like, I just actually really did want to apologize. Right. And so I guess when you're being honest, you're just ugly. The truth hurts. Okay. So then I was being honest. Yeah. Fucking hideous. Hideous. And everyone let me know. Yeah. That was a comment. Not one person even heard one thing I said. It was like, this girl is fucking ugly. It was also like, it was just your lighting. Like, honestly, it was very dark and grainy. Yeah.

It was so bad. It was, it was mean. The thing is like you meant what you said and that's really all that matters. Yeah. I mean, when I look back in the video, I'm like, oh my God, so cringy. But I remember when I put it out, I actually felt like, you know what? I meant what I said. I feel good that like my piece is out there. And even though I look back on it and like,

regret just because like it's so cringy in the moment and still to this day like I actually feel like I had my integrity and like I didn't say something that someone told me to say like this is I had fired everyone around actually everyone around me had fired me and dropped me as a client so I was the only person I could turn to was myself and I felt like what I said I meant and I can stand by and I can have integrity and I can sleep at night knowing that like I put out something that I believe in so even though I look ugly and it's embarrassing and cringy

I actually am also kind of proud of it. Yes. Okay, that's fair. I think you meant what you said 100%. Me, on the other hand, I just kind of blabbered a bunch of bullshit that I was told to say. So mine was a little bit different. But it's pulling off an apology video. No one get yourself in that type of situation because it's not fair.

Just stay off the internet and you'll never have to make an apology video. Also, I don't really fucking care that it's out there. Like, by the time we're done, there's going to be so much cringe. There's way cringier shit probably of me out there. No, and the thing is, we live in a culture where everyone, if you have any sort of platform, like at some point, you're going to have to apologize for something. Like, just because that's, we live in like a backlash culture. So I just feel like you're not anyone unless you have an apology video. I think.

Thank you. Yeah. I like that spin on it. You should work in PR. I'm a positive person. You are. I really like that. So I wanted to ask you this because people write in all the time that are working in like finance or they're going to law school or whatever and they want to switch up their career and they want to go into media. Were you always working in media of some kind? No. What's your background? So I started Girl With No Job in college. I was a physics major. Oh my God. And I started- Okay, smart. I really-

I switched majors because I was like making a lot of money and succeeding with Girl With No Job, but I would have switched anyway. Like it was way too hard. I couldn't keep up. Like I like to tell people that because I'm like, yeah, flex. I wouldn't have made it past a year anyways. Okay, I love that.

But I started a blog called Girl With A Job and then it evolved to Girl With No Job and I went on Instagram and I started making like a lot of money. Okay. And I was like, holy shit, like maybe this should be my job when I graduate. Like if I work hard enough these four years, like I can graduate and not have to get a full-time job. And by the time I graduated, like,

So I became a media major, media and communications. And you know, an entry-level job in media and communications is like $36,000 to $40,000. And I was making like 15 grand per Instagram post. Wow. So it did. And this was before influencing could be considered a job like content creator. So everyone around me was like shook. You know, everyone I know got jobs. They were going to law school. And I was like, you know, I'm going to start my own brand and like be like a YouTuber, Instagrammer. And it wasn't even about the money at first because I was making a lot of money, but like

sometimes being a content creator can be really boring. And I was like, post-grad. In what way? I was post-grad. Everyone I knew was working all the time. And like, I just had to do like a little work a day, answer some emails. And then that was it. Right. And I felt like my life had no purpose. Oh, interesting. It was, I had no structure. Like Ben was out running busy and I'm like at home, like a loser, like a couch potato watching TV. And granted watching TV is a huge part of my job, but it just didn't feel, it felt very empty. I get that.

And then when we started The Morning Breath, which was a couple years, which was like a little right after I graduated college, it gave my life so much structure, so much purpose. I was waking up every day going into an office recording the show. Got it. Like, it was...

so great. It was a perfect blend of like being an influencer, but also having structure in your life. And I see a lot of influencers who I follow. There's a stigma around influencers that like you don't do anything. Right. And I don't think that's fair. And I don't think that's true because being a content creator is a full-time job. And arguably sometimes it's more work than a nine to five where you could just leave your job. But sometimes you get into a situation where like you're making good money and you don't have to do much. Yeah. And that can be very unfulfilling. There's lulls, right?

A hundred percent. Like it like comes and goes. There's weeks where you can't breathe. Yeah. And then there'll be like maybe a month or two where it's just like the summers are very slow for brand deals. There's just times when it's,

And that like sucks because your income is always inconsistent. Right. That's why I love doing the podcast and love like building a real business around my brand, not just like waiting for a brand deal. Right. And also, you know, what comes with like being an influencer, quote unquote, is like then you then you start building a brand and then you start learning about business shit. And then you learn so much through that experience, not just like influence or you like branch off into different things.

And I think that's so important. Like, okay. Us trying to like justify being influencers desperately. No, but it's true. Like, I think that like, so I have my Instagram and that was great for a while. And then we had the podcast and then I went on tour and then I wrote a book and now we have Spritz Society. Like, I just think-

You have to keep moving. You do. Because if you do the same thing all the time, like, you're going to get left behind. That's just the internet. It's the nature of how it works. So what gave you, like, the idea or, like, why did you feel confident enough to even say, oh, I'm going to start a blog and, like, a wildly successful Instagram page? Because, like, my brain wouldn't work that way. Okay, so...

I got an internship and it was like horrible, like literally horrible. And I was like on the subway, like crying every day. And I was writing, we used to email back in the day, like my whole family, we'd have like a family chat. It was like Blackberry days. Okay. And I was writing my whole family, like everything that happened. And I'm like, and then this bitch did this. And everyone thought it was so funny. And my mom was like, you should start like a blog, like the adventures of an intern or whatever. And I was like, okay. And so I didn't know how to do that. Tumblr was the only way I knew how you could like make a website. Okay.

So it was girlwithajob.tumblr.com. It was not popular. So I thought this is like when Instagram was coming up, I'm like, let me make an Instagram page for my blog. That way I can like go viral and drive people to my blog. And then I just found a lot of success with Instagram and didn't need the blog anymore. So after a few months, I was like blowing up on Instagram. I'm like, you know what? Fuck the stupid ass blog. Let's just do Instagram.

And then the Instagram became like the core of my business. Okay, got it. Yeah. But I didn't set out for like this to be my job. Yeah, I'm shocked you like listen to your mom. My mom gives me ideas every single day. Can I read you something from my book? Hold on. That's so funny that you said that. I ignore everything she says. And then like a few months later, it's like actually like the next biggest thing. And I'm like, ooh, probably should have listened to her. Okay, ready? Ready?

Because I'm very, oh, here. I'm very much like an independent woman. I love this. Okay. So when I said I would write emails, I was like, they would all laugh and send emojis. And after the first few emails, my mom thought they were so funny, she suggested I started a blog. And for the first time in my life, I listened to my mom.

No, because I'm just like very stubborn and always think I know best when I never do. Right. And so, yeah, I listen to my mom. And wow. And you never do. And that was like one time you did. As I'm getting older, I'm starting to listen to her more and more. By the way, that's a huge part of growing up is realizing like, you know, nothing. No.

Nothing. Zero. Last thing, any advice for people who like do want to segue out of their like nine to five regular job and like get into maybe more media stuff? Yeah. My first piece of advice would be clear your social media from anything before 2016. Oh.

It'll just save you a lifetime of trouble. Very smart. No matter what type of person you are, like, it's always going to come back to haunt you. And you think it's fine, but it's not. And I would also just, like, be really clear with what you want to do. I think a lot of people are like, I'm going to be, like, an influencer. What are you? Are you a podcaster? What's your niche? Are you talking about skateboarding? Are you a botanist? Like, what is your niche? And find your niche. See, okay, let's say I want to become, I don't know why I keep saying skateboarding. Like, I want to be the first

sickest skateboarding content creator out there. Well, go see who's doing content for skateboarding. See what they're doing and do it better. Like, don't just think I want to post one thing and it's blurry and it sucks. And oh, this is so hard. No, it's not. Invest in good equipment. Invest in like in yourself. Yeah. And it's not people think it's like, let me post one picture and I'm set for life. And don't get me wrong. That happens to some people. Like every once in a while, there's someone who posts one thing. Mason Ramsey. Yes. And is a star. Yeah.

that is not going to happen to you. It requires just like anything else, hard work, perseverance, perseverance,

putting your head down and just getting to work. Yeah. Yeah. Not that we had it easy, but both of us kind of had like situations that fell into our lap and just kind of like. And you have to, you know what life is all about. Like when life gives you something, like you have to make the most out of it. You say yes. You say yes to as many things as you can. Yeah. But these days I'm just saying no to life. Oh, okay. Why is that? I'm just like not in the mood. I'm tired. I honestly am so fucking tired all the time. I think it's from drinking eight ounces of water total every single day. No, I actually don't think that's how it works. I'm not kidding.

Okay, Claudia, thank you so, so much for coming on. Go check out her book, Girl With No Job. Listen to her and her sister, Jackie, who I am obsessed with, by the way. I need to give her sister a little jack out. Shout out, Jackie. A little jack out? Is that what she said? Yeah.

A little shout out to Jackie. She is fucking incredible. I'm obsessed with her. And check out their podcast, Morning Toast. Claudia, where can they find you? You can find me on tour. I'm not about to try to say your last name. That's okay. I know better. You can find me on tour. I'm a touring comedian now. Tickets available at girlwithnojob.com slash tour. My book is girlwithnojob.com slash book. Hardcover, e-book, audio book. Follow me on Instagram at girlwithnojob. And my podcast is every Monday through Friday on the Morning Toast. Hosted with my sister Jackie, who dies for you. Woo!

Woo! I love her so much. All right. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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And with that, Sleuths, let's get into the best part of the week, which is SOS, Save Our Sleuths, stories, questions, advice. Let's get fucking into it. Starting with sex because it has been a while.

Oh my God, Sophia, please do a PSA for guys about proper anal sex etiquette. None of these men seem to know that you can't go straight from the asshole to the pussy and vice versa. I'm not trying to get a yeast infection in my butthole or a bacterial infection in my coochie.

Also, for the love of God, use lube. My sneaky link did not have lube, which is just a basic necessity to have on hand for any type of sex. Thank God the adrenaline and alcohol made it easier in the moment. But the next day I was hurting. Also, men should keep in mind that they should try to keep the front stimulated in some way, even when they're using the back door. Amen, sister. Please help these fellas out so the ladies don't have to suffer.

Can you get a fucking yeast infection in your butthole? That's what I took from this. I don't know if you can. I know you can get it in your mouth and your vagina, obviously. But other than that...

I agree with all of those things. And I feel like it should be common sense that you can't go from the back door to the front door because you will get an infection. Listen the fuck up. You are begging to get some type of infection in your vagina, okay? It could range from not that bad to fucking serious. Just don't do it. He needs to wash his dick off if he really needs to do that.

But the guys that are pulling out of your butthole and then trying to shove it into your vagina...

are also the same guys who are using 18-in-1 body wash shampoo conditioner and break in lighter fluid on their bodies. So I think this is a good PSA. Going further, if you want to, and I fully support this, I've thought about doing this, you can keep a little travel case, pint-sized thing of lube in your purse. I mean, why not? If you're going out and you know you're looking for dick, like you might as well, because hoping that these men...

that are using brake and lighter fluid and are, you know, pulling out from the asshole into the pussy. Hoping that these guys will have it is a long lost fallacy, sister. We cannot put our great sex and our orgasm and our hope for lube in the hands of these guys.

types of guys and just men in general. Also, just want to say thank you so fucking much for mentioning that keeping the front stimulated if you're fucking from the back is vital because, I mean, for one thing, it takes away from the stress and

of what's going on in your anal cavity. I mean, just straight up, it does. It hurts, but it feels so good at the same time. And rubbing her clit or just stimulating the front in any way, shape or form is just going to help her butthole relax, aka help this whole anal situation, aka help you bust a nut up in her butthole. Okay. It's similar to when you're fucking a guy with a huge dick and it's like,

Ouch. Don't stop. It's like that type of thing. Okay. Oh, also have him use a vibrator. That's my recommendation. Like the magic wand, that thing is huge. He can easily just wrap his arm around or you can use it on yourself. Either way, that is key. Anyway, thank you. This was a very necessary PSA. Okay, next.

Hi, Sophia. I'm starting to see someone. We are not official yet, but hopefully on the way. He is taking me to Teppanyaki for Valentine's Day, and I'm super excited. I want to look really cute. However, I've never been there, and I don't really know the dress code. Also, he is really sweet and nerdy, and I'm a lot more experienced than him when it comes to dating. Will I be overdressed if I wear a dress?

I'm assuming he will be. Should I wear a dress, a short skirt, pants? What do you suggest? I know I should wear whatever I want to, but I want to look smoking hot, but like I'm not trying too hard. Don't we all? Thank you. I love the show.

Woo! Okay. I'm going to get to the wardrobe question in a second. I'm just a little bit taken aback about where he is taking you. Teppanyaki, isn't that like Benihana? Is that the similar situation? Shout out Steve Aoki's dad. That's where they like chop up and cook the food in front of you and you have to sit with 18 other people and then they make a volcano with onion rings, correct? Yeah.

Okay, just wanted to make sure because personally, I don't know if I want a piece of shrimp landing in my hair on a day on Valentine's Day. But anyways, I digress. This is definitely a place that I would show up in jeans and a t-shirt. That's also coming from a girl who would go anywhere in jeans and a t-shirt where it's completely not appropriate. But since you said that he will be overdressed...

I think that we can find a happy medium and go with a cute, casual look that's also super sexy. Go to leather pants. Those would be perfect. They're always sexy, but they're casual, but they dress up any fucking outfit. I think a dress personally is overkill at a place like this, unless you're 16 going to prom. But any dress pant...

paired with a sexy top or a blouse, and then pair that with a cute blazer or a really cute jacket and heels. Boom, done. Then you, you know, take a clutch or a really cute smaller purse, a fun bag, pair that with some cute accessories. You're ready.

Just be prepared to wear something that is going to smell like a fryer at McDonald's for the rest of the night. Just know that, girlfriend. Okay, hopefully that was helpful. Next.

Hey, Sophia. I live in New York City, and my question is, how can I find my own Sophia Franklin? Someone who's hilarious, adorable, crazy, but not too crazy, self-deprecating, but still educated about business and mental health issues. I feel like New York is overflowing with too many socials.

soulless people. So what places should I be hanging out at or what types of hobbies should I join to meet a Sophia type? Enjoy Utah and thanks in advance for your help. Okay, that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. Thank you, girlfriend. All right. I know I always harp on this. I feel like the people I've met in New York really aren't that bad compared to other places.

wink, wink, cough, cough, Los Angeles. But I mean, every fucking city is filled with soulless people. Am I right? Yes. I'm completely flattered. You want a friend like me, but the more I'm thinking about it, I am just a regular ass girl and you can find me pretty much fucking anywhere. You can find me on the sidewalk, on the side of the street, or you can find me at Carbone.

It's called duality. Okay. It's called range. I think that you might be trying a little bit too hard to find this perfect friend instead of just enjoying the people you meet and taking the good things that you find in those people. Because I know when I first moved to New York and I was trying to make friends, I knew no one. I would just take what I could get.

like, desperado times. I've told you guys this. I was on fucking Bumble meeting up with dudes who were hoping to get laid, but I was meeting up with them just so I could infiltrate their friend group and hopefully meet some girls that way and exchange numbers with them. And

And I really would just take the bottom of the barrel. I didn't give a shit. I was friends with all of the, all of my coworkers at work, even though I would never hang out with them in a million years outside of work. I ended up doing that because I didn't know anyone. And through one person, you meet their friends and their friends and their friends. And it's like a snowball effect. Did I necessarily click with the people I would hang out with in the beginning? No.

not necessarily. Were any of them my bestie for the restie? No. But over time, I did run into that person. I did find someone who did become my best friend. Just don't rush this type of thing. It's kind of like dating. It's very similar. Now that I'm reading this question, I'm pretty sure this guy is talking about finding a Sophia to date.

Okay. Well, you know what? Same rules apply. Everything I just fucking said, it's really the same shit. And...

Homeboy, you could find me anywhere. You can find me on a dating app. You can find me in a nice restaurant. You can find me at a fucking dive bar. It's like it's not really the places or the hobbies, by the way. You want to pick up a hobby and meet a Sophia Franklin? Do you think I've ever had a hobby in my entire fucking life? No. My hobbies consist of watching TV, sleeping, partying, feeling bad about it, watching TV again, and...

working. So I don't think you need to fucking pick up a hobby or go to the right places. You just need to really put yourself out there and don't get discouraged. Okay. And don't try to find me unless you literally want me. You can slide into my DMs. You could do that. I mean, just saying. But New York City is full of amazing bitches. Trust me. Don't count yourself or anyone out. Okay. Next.

Hi, Sophie with the fatty. Okay. Here's the story. Last night, I was writing a guy I'm hooking up with. And while I was doing my thing, he went to slap my face and completely hit my eye. His finger literally touched my eye and I wanted to fucking cry, but I kept writing him while I had one hand rubbing my eye. I probably looked like a pirate. I was like,

My man was completely shook at the fact that I did not stop while I had a red eye. Call that commitment. Here's the question. This guy and I have been hooking up since September. Our sex is amazing. We hang out consistently. Everything is going well, but I want to keep things spicy and start a fight. However, I am not the type to randomly start a fight.

can't really girlfriend, please help. What can I even fight about him? And I don't text consistently. So it can't be through text. It would have to be while we're hanging out in person, help us salute to become a crazy salute. Like you love you and love the pod.

Woo. I commend you on killing it and writing that thing until you fucking couldn't write it anymore and holding your eyes shut. Aye aye, Captain. All right. You're trying to figure out how to spice this shit up by starting a fight, which is my go to and one of my favorite things to do. And you can't do it over text.

I guess I'm finding this question perplexing because you can start a fight over fucking anything. It really does not matter what you get mad at this dude about. You could get mad at him for not opening the door or get mad at him for just existing. He won't be able to know the difference. He'll just be like, oh my God, this bitch is crazy, which is everything.

every single fight I've ever had with a man in the last 29 years living on this earth. I know anytime I started a fight, the guy just interpreted it as this bitch is crazy. So it really doesn't matter. It's not like he's actually listening to what you're saying.

What I will say, though, is don't start a fight over any other women or anything that could make you be perceived as being jealous because you guys are just fucking on the side. And like, that is definitely not what you need. You could just take any little thing and amplify it and be dramatic about it. If he says something in a different tone when you're driving in the car,

point your knees towards the window, fold your arms, look out the window like you're in the scene of a fucking movie. And when he asks what's wrong, just say, oh, nothing. And then just be dead silent. And he'll start like, you know, poking you and trying to get you to confess. And then you'll blow up about it later. Whatever the fuck it is. You could say you had a dream where he did something really fucked up. Like he went through your phone.

Babe, I had a fucking dream last night that you went through my phone. Is there something you want to tell me? That is a great way to spark a little insecurity in this guy, by the way, because then he's going to be like, damn, what is she hiding on her phone? That's so bad that she's having dreams about it and getting mad at me.

I'm sorry. I just came up with that one on the spot. That is genius. You just need to put your Meryl Streep acting shoes on and act like it really happened. You could get mad about fucking anything. When you're laying next to him, pick up your phone, start like writing a text and then look over at him and be like, why were you just looking at my phone? What the fuck is wrong with you? Even though he wasn't. It really doesn't matter. And this sounds very, very toxic now that I'm listening to myself. And so with that, I...

I am going to end the episode. You guys, I love you so much. What a fucking insane week and like last two weeks it's been. I will be back next week. As always, please, please, please share this episode with your friends or anyone. It helps me so much. Subscribe and follow me on all social media. Sophia with an F, Franklin with the Y. I will see you guys next week.