35: Moving To LA 49:01

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Hi everybody, welcome to SWAFT. As always, rate, review, subscribe, eat my asshole, but more importantly, I have new merch dropping Friday. Fucking put it in your calendar. You maybe have seen the neon sign hanging up in my studio that says, our attorney will get us out of everything.

If you don't know what that means, just go to the podcast page on Instagram, Sophia Podcast. You'll find it there along with my police report and my mugshot. You know the mugshot. The one and only mugshot. The one and only Chris Brown.

I spent four fucking ever making sure that the merch was exactly how I wanted it to be. It is so cute. I wear it every single day. I'm wearing it right now. So Virgil, watch the fuck out. Coming for you. Okay. So last week, I briefly mentioned that I was going to give you guys the full play-by-play of my LA trip because...

Shit was wild. I went to LA for work. I went on some shows. You maybe saw I went on No Jumper.

They tried to hotbox me and kill me, by the way, but I prevailed. I recorded with my bitch Weezy from Horrible Decisions. I did a bunch of productive shit. But of course, after work comes play. The Sloot Media Dream Team, Delaney, Alex, Kiana, they went and you guys had like a shit show of a night. I went out with Weezy to a club called Poppy.

I just need to quickly add a side note. There is no bigger fucking power trip in the entire world than club bouncers. Like, holy fucking shit, the God Complex. Yes. They think they're gatekeepers to I don't know what the fuck. Like,

Okay, dude, relax. Your job is not that serious. Anyways, long story short, I go to Poppy and I... Fuck Drake. No, I didn't, but he will be coming into this story. I did see Zach Bia though. The one...

night I leave this bitch alone and she sees my future husband that's why I brought it up Zach via Alex's fucking love of her life soulmate saw him

Not that impressed, but that's not the fucking story. I don't… I honestly… Alex, why didn't you just come? Because I had bigger fish to fry. And by fish, I mean penis, of course. Because, to be honest, famous LA dick hits different than Utah dick. Okay? Okay.

I firmly agree with you and believe that. The only reason I allowed it is because the dude you went to go fuck manages like one of the biggest fucking TikTok stars on planet Earth. And I am a full supporter of women fucking their way up to the top. Thank you. Thank you. Although I kind of was hoping you would fuck him to get me up to the top, but...

Doesn't matter. Moving on. So I'm at Poppy. We're at this table. I'm living my best life. Vodka, crayon in hand, minding my business. I kid you not. I look up and I see these girls at the table next to me giving me a death stare.

And I was like, I don't get it. Like, if you want to know where my boots are from, honey, just like come up and ask me. Like, I'll tell you. They're like, where's your outfit from? Like, I'm not going to hoard that shit. So next thing I know, one of them turns around, looks me dead in the eye.

gives me the middle finger and mouths the words, fuck you. No. I love running into listeners. We will take a shot, kiss, take a selfie, bump and grind. I don't give a fuck. Actually, even two seconds before these bitches assaulted me. Assaulted?

Assaulted. Whatever is the equivalent of a curb stomp with eyes and hand gestures. The most beautiful girl had come up to me and we talked for like five minutes about the show in the middle of the club. And it was like a little bonding moment. And I loved it more than anything. Okay, but what the fuck did you about those fucking bitches that flipped you off?

I mean, you know how I am. Like, I probably just like apologize profusely like for my existence. No, I think.

I just stared the girl back and I like did not remove my gaze because I was like in shell shock mode. I did grab Wheezy though and I was like, I'm about to kill a bitch. And I just like told Wheezy. Yeah. But the point is, how can someone hate someone that fucking much off of shit you read online? Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because those girls, I don't know them. They did that because they read shit about me. And it's just like the craziest fucking shit. I don't understand it. If you read that Zagbia had...

done something fucked up, would you look at him in the club and give him the middle finger? No. No. No, absolutely not. It's just like very bizarre. They're miserable. Yes, they're miserable. Anyway, I didn't let it ruin my night. You know why? Because fucking Drake shows up to the club. He shows up with his entourage. He's getting fucked up. And I'm talking about the Drake we all know and love, not Draco Malfoy.

From Harry Potter. The Slytherin representative. I'm talking about Champagne Poppy. He was so hot, Alex. He was so fucking sexy. So we actually get invited to go into the back room with Drake and his entourage. It was amazing. I was absolutely shaking my ass, hoping he would pick me out of the crowd. But I was not.

It's fine. He didn't, but I will get him next time. No one needs to worry about that.

The next day, Sloot Media team, I had a work retreat planned for all of us. Our girl Delaney had the hookup and these dudes that she's known forever offered up their house so that we could work from it over the weekend. And when I say house, I mean mansion. Fucking mansion. This place, it looked like Neverland Ranch. Yeah.

I was like positive Macaulay Culkin was going to like pop out at any moment. Like it was like something about it. The architecture, the art pieces. Yes. It was different. Yeah. The first thing I saw was a dude on one of the balconies with pigtails, slippers, and a hot pink kimono on open. As in this dude had his dick and balls just hanging out.

And it struck me as a little bit odd, but like I didn't say anything. I was just like thinking to myself like, damn, LA is a wacky place. So apparently the kimono man I saw was on the loose. He had showed up to the house with bags and bags and bags of kimonos. You can't make this shit up. Yeah.

They said that the day before, they had gotten him an Uber, packed up his kimonos, and when the Uber driver was about to take off, the kimono man, that's what we're calling him, escaped, jumped the fucking fence into their backyard and disappeared. He escaped from the Uber. Yes. So the dudes grab binoculars to see if they can find him. And...

Finally, one of them spotted a little pink object. I'm just remembering them telling us this story. A little pink object in the distance. And they were like, we found him. Pink object means pink kimono. Fucking Target acquired Roger that.

They venture out. They find him rolling around in the dirt, butt ass naked. Cool. How about when one of the guys told us that he walked into his bathroom, found kimono man standing in his bathtub, completely naked with his balls tied to a rope that he made out of the kimonos hanging from the shower rod. I, I can't. I just, I can't. And like,

Oh my God. And then the kimono man, he would be like playing four songs at the same time. And he'd be like, no one else can hear music the way I can. Like I can listen to four songs at the same time. He would change his kimono every hour. One second hot pink, one second yellow, his hair. Guys, every 20 minutes, this dude would change his hairstyle. Pigtails. Pigtails.

Hair down, braids, one fucking ponytail. Like just, it was, the behavior was completely erratic. And obviously the dude was on something. Yeah. Some fucking angel dust, bath salts, PCP. I don't know what the fuck he was on. So they're telling us these stories in real time. I'm assuming by now, Kimono Man had left. Yeah.

They drop a fucking bomb and tell us to be careful because Kimono Man is still in the house somewhere on the loose. Like we were all anticipating him to come out like a fucking jump scare in a horror movie. Yes, we were. I was on fucking high alert because I don't know what the fuck this dude is capable of. And to know that he has just been...

I don't know, in a fucking closet somewhere. Under the bed. Yes. And Alex and I go into the kitchen to ask the chef if he could make us food. And we're chilling, eating a quesadilla in Wok's kimono, man. And my heart fucking sinks.

Alex, you saw me. I was frantic. Yeah. You're like a deer in headlights. Yes. I was like looking around the kitchen for a potential weapon I could use. He comes up to us, introduces himself, which I will give him this. He was very nice. Yeah. Says he's leaving. His Uber is outside and walks out. Not even 60 seconds later, he's like,

Kimono man runs past us. Usain Bolt speed. Like, I just saw a flash of kimono is what I saw. He cannonballs it into the pool with all of his fucking clothes on. It's fucking wild. I'm just like, it was just, guys, it was just the craziest fucking shit to ever happen. Long story short, the dudes ended up having to, like, call the police. Yeah.

I spent the entire weekend just ready for Kimono Man to like come at me at any given second. The worst part of it is, is like the fucking kimono for me. It was the kimono. That is what makes the story so fucking nuts. The fucking kimono. And he's probably culturally appropriating, but that is not my business. That is his.

I love how we're talking shit on Kimono Guy being an unwanted guest, though. And really, like, Alex, how hard did we overstay our welcome? So...

How long were we there? Dude, I don't even know. I feel like I blacked out and suppressed the entire stay. All I know is too fucking long. We ended up being there for, I think it was three days straight. Yeah, it was. No toothbrush, no change of clothes, no showering. Disgusting. I felt like I was at like Coachella. What?

Worse, Burning Man. Like a music festival, we were drinking strictly alcohol every single day, living off one chicken nugget. And this is why I could never fucking live in L.A.,

Because the thing is, we would not have cared or even given it a second thought if it wasn't for the party they had to watch the Logan Paul fight. And these just stunningly beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous LA girls walk through the door, dressed to the fucking nines.

You know they were sponsored by Revolve. Like that type. Like hashtag Revolve around the world type hoes. Their main income is influencing on Instagram. And being hot. Yeah. Yes. But oh my God. Do you remember what Delaney fucking said? No. Delaney. Delaney turns to all of us and goes...

Guys, I hate to break this to you, but we are no longer the hot girls here. We are the fours here now. And we have to do something about it. Someone go suck a dick or something because we can't rely on our looks any longer. That's verbatim what she fucking said. Yeah.

And it was so true. And actually, a dick was sucked. There was a dick suck. Yep. And so we will be getting invited back. I actually, guys, I'm going to be moving to LA for one month before I officially move back to New York. So stay tuned because the content that is coming this summer is going to be unbelievable.

The Hype House is shaking. Yeah. Because we're coming full throttle with our own content house. Sloot Bouncy House. We'll come up with a good name for it. I will let you know. But anyways, that's LA. I mean, there was so much other shit, but I just think Kimono Man was like the highlight. Oh, absolutely. Holy shit. ♪

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I'm

Sleut University. Welcome back, my little sleutie pebbles, to another Sleut University lesson. It is me, your professor, back for a very important lesson.

This semester, we have talked about a lot of useful shit. But this one is a lesson that I think is imperative. I don't think I know is imperative no matter who the fuck you are. I'm going to sound like I'm sucking my own dick for a minute and I need everyone to just hear me out. I get so many fucking DMs about how I inspire people because of my confidence.

And people writing in, Sophia, how do you do it? How can I be more confident? First of all, I just want to say, I don't really feel that confident. I don't feel like some confident boss-ass bitch, right?

I am actually, and Alex, you know this about me. Yes. Because we're fucking related. You've known me my whole life. I am actually an extremely self-aware person to a fault. Yeah. I second-guess everything. I'm self-critical. I have a lot of self-doubt. And so I never really acknowledge the topic, but we need to. Yeah. Because...

confidence will change your fucking life. So listen the fuck up. Yes. Anytime you have thought to yourself,

I'm not qualified for this job. I'm scared to fuck this guy because what if I'm not hot enough naked or enough of a freak or even just being scared to post a fucking picture on Instagram? Because you think to yourself like, oh, I'm not interesting enough. Like, what are people going to think? It's all the same thing. It all stems from a lack of confidence and confidence

A lack of self-worth. This is why I started thinking about it recently. Quick story. One of my best friends has been seeing this guy and she is obsessed with him. I have spent countless hours on the phone listening to her talk about this dude. She comes over the other day, starts showing me pictures of him. This dude was straight up grotesque looking, right?

Like, uglier than Jeff Bezos, if that's even fucking possible. But the way my friend talks about this guy, I was expecting to see, like, a George Clooney-type character. And I asked my friend. I remember being like, no way. Are you this in love or obsessed with this grommet? Yeah.

A fucking grommet. Like, does this grommet have a golden dick? Or, I mean, is he rich as fuck? Shit.

She tells me his dick is totally average and he really doesn't have money at all. And I just couldn't comprehend it. I did not understand it until a few weeks later. I meet this guy. We go to dinner. She introduces me for the first time. And Alex, I'm not kidding. Within 30 fucking seconds, I found myself wanting to fuck him.

Just his demeanor, the way he carried himself, his confidence. I was instantly into it. And I remember turning to my friend and being like, oh, I get it now. Yes. And this pertains to women too. I am telling you. So for anyone who has written in asking me how they can get the fuck boy to commit, I

Or get the courage to start their own business. Whatever the fuck it may be, it starts with confidence. Yes. I think that people assume that confidence is something that you just have from birth. Like you're born with it or you're not. Yeah, like it's some innate personality trait. Yes, it's not. It's absolutely not. It's something you have to work on. I mean, at least for me. And I know a lot of people listening and...

That's where I had a moment and how to check myself because even though I don't necessarily feel it all the time, I actually am very confident.

Like, it takes some balls to talk about my most embarrassing moments to millions of people. But it takes confidence to get shit on on the internet, come back, build a company, and keep going. Yeah, totally. And the point is, if I can be confident, so the fuck can you. And that's why we're having this lesson. And let me go ahead and share some of my favorite tips to...

Keep my confidence where it needs to be. Get your notebooks out. Get the pencils out. Do people even write in notebooks anymore? Get your MacBooks out. Yeah, exactly. All right. Number one, do your fucking makeup and hair. You don't need to go on a date just to beat your face. Just looking good...

makes you feel good. Yeah. I have been trying to practice this because...

Six out of seven days of the week, I walk around looking like Gollum, like a hobo. But you don't need to go on a date just to beat your face. Yes. It's so simple, but it really does make me feel good. Just walking around my house and being the hottest bitch in Draper, Utah. Okay, that's one. Another one.

Walk around your house naked, all for yourself. Turn your house into a nudist colony. Sleep naked. Yeah. I actually read a study that said that the more things you do naked increases life satisfaction, self-esteem, body image, like all of this shit. So if you're wearing clothes right now, take them the fuck off. Yeah. Next, take your own nudes.

You heard that correctly. You do not need Brad texting you just so you feel inclined to take nudes. Fuck Brad. Fuck him. Arch your ass up. Put your boobs in a fucking hand froth.

A hand bra. A what? And take the, you know what the fuck I'm talking about. And take the hottest, sluttiest nude for your fucking self. Admire yourself. And then you'll even have some on deck for when you want to bless someone's idiot son with your hot body. Yes, exactly. This one is, I think, my favorite.

And this is what I've like really had to force myself to do. Get out of your daily routine and get out of your comfort zone and try new shit. That is how you build confidence. You repeatedly show yourself that you are capable of bigger and better shit. Yeah.

But you have to take action first. And you can start small though. Like even if it's just you getting cute and you go sit at a coffee shop by yourself that you've never been to. Wear a sports bra to the gym. If you usually wear a baggy t-shirt, go compliment a hot guy. Take risks. Fuck without a condom. Life is short. These things that I'm talking about, these are kind of superficial things.

And these are, you know, more like body image and looks and physical confidence. That is obviously not everything because trust me, there is nothing worse than a hot, superficial, fake, confident bitch. Trust me, I know one very fucking well. And those people I've learned are actually the most insecure people on the planet. Yeah, yeah.

looks can go away tomorrow. I mean, my looks, by the way that I treat my body and my life, I've said this a million times, I will be looking 50 the second I turn 30.

You can't rely on your looks. How confident are you really without them? Yeah. Self-affirmations. Yes. I am healthy. I am wealthy. I am rich. I am that fucking bitch. Manifestation. What about also just being a good person? Yeah.

Yeah. How good does it feel laying in bed at night knowing you're not a piece of shit? That helps me. Like knowing I am unapologetically me and I'm real and I don't come on here and tell lies to boost my own fake confidence. Every single thing I say and do is true to who I am.

I mean, don't get me wrong. Like, I have days where it's hard. And some days being confident is like the last thing I want to do. But I have just learned to be resilient. And you just got to push yourself and move forward. And every time something knocks you down, you just got to onward and upward. Yeah. Lastly, the last thing I want to say about confidence. Let's talk sex, please.

Please, can we talk about sex? And thank you. When you have confidence in every other part of your life, it will easily translate into bedroom behavior.

Especially because a horny dude is by far the easiest creature on the planet to satisfy, by the way. If you go in there, ask him to keep the fucking lights on, spread your legs wide, show off the roast beef between your legs, stop sucking in, let your belly hang out, and stop thinking about, oh my God, like, do I look hot right now? No. You should always

Only be thinking about your orgasm.

And the thing is, and I think it's kind of hard for people to comprehend, and sometimes it's even hard for me, it is hotter that way for not only you, but for him too. Yeah, like be that bitch and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Yes, yes. So that concludes today's class, Sleuths. Your homework is to send me your hot ass nudes so I can touch myself to them. And I love you guys.

Moving on. All right, let's talk about dating apps for the love of God. I am a firm believer in dating apps. I have had multiple very serious relationships off of a dating app.

And people are so fucking annoying and try to act like so above dating apps. Yeah. They always come around. They always come around to me. Me included. Like, don't fucking fight it. Don't.

People are always like, I want to meet someone organically. I want it to be serendipitous. I'm not meeting my soulmate on Tinder. Knock it the fuck off. You don't even leave your fucking house, sweetie. So download the app. The point is we got to talk about Tinder.

Alex was telling me that apparently Tinder is now verifying people. Yes. What the fuck? How does it work, Alex? It's so people can't catfish. Okay. So what they do is they ask you to take pictures of yourself in real time and they use facial recognition to see if those pics that you take...

match the ones on your profile just to prove that it's really you. Okay. And then if you pass the test, you get drum roll, please. A blue checkmark. Yes. A literal blue checkmark. Yes, exactly. And it's the only app I know for a fact I can get a blue checkmark on.

People are out here trying to get a table at Delilah saying they're verified and have the blue checkmark to prove it. I'm going to try it. And pull up their fucking Tinder. Okay.

So are you verified on it? Absolutely fucking not. Really? No fucking way. Dude, the people that get verified on Tinder are nine times out of ten clearly not a catfish. What does that mean? Like, dude, your picture is a bathroom mirror selfie that you took on your iPad with Axe body spray on the counter. Like, no one is out here pretending to be you. I promise.

So if you see a dude and he is verified, does that make you more or less inclined to swipe right? I mean, okay. Not going to lie. At first, when I saw the blue check marks, I was like, okay, it's like Instagram. Like I matched with someone important. They have a blue check mark. Right. I mean, they stole that shit from Instagram. Yeah. But now that I know what it means, uh,

It definitely deters me. It deters you? Yeah, because who goes out of their way to prove that you're you on Tinder? This is just so funny to me because when I think about a catfish, I think about myself.

And everyone I know. And every fucking person with a social media profile of some kind. What do you mean? Because we are all posting the selfie that we took 7,098 times in perfect lighting with 20 pounds of makeup on and Facetune to top it off. Okay, well, fuck. Well, in that case, I guess I am a fucking catfish. But I am too.

I am too. Like fucking everybody is. Even dudes. Like don't lie to yourself. But I guess this Tinder verification is to protect people from like real catfishing. Yeah. Which to me is, do you remember the show on MTV Catfish? Never seen it. I forget that you are a fetus. Enlighten me. Okay. There was a show called Catfish on MTV. Yeah.

It was hosted by like this guy named Nev who hugs the fuck out of me for some reason. I don't know why. But anyways, he goes in and helps these people who think they are talking to a built 30 year old sexy blue eyed man named fucking Hercules. Hercules.

And then they show up to meet him for the first time. And every fucking time when they show up to the house, they...

end up meeting a six-year-old woman with bangs and eight kids that live in North Dakota named Muriel. With her tampon string hanging out? Yes, like for real, which is something I still don't fucking understand because that six-year-old woman named Muriel shows up with no shame. Like,

As if the person won't give a fuck that she has been catfishing the fuck out of them and ends up a different gender, a different age, a different haircut. It makes no sense. So Muriel truly believes that she is Hercules. I think so. I think for like a lot of them. But anyways, my whole fucking point is...

This Tinder feature is like, it doesn't protect you from the other catfishing, which is, I think, just as fucking bad. Do you? I mean, like, everyone posts fucking IG filters on their story and they look nothing like that. Exactly. So, yeah, I would say catfishing is all around us now. That's what I'm saying. Using those filters...

It's your face, but like the cartoon version, your eyes are bigger, your lips, whatever the fuck. Yeah, you have a nose job all of a sudden. Exactly. Like, is that not as bad as what Muriel's up here doing? I'm like, yeah, it is. Every single story I've ever posted is with a fucking Instagram filter. So. Okay. Just as bad. What's up? Shout out to Muriel. Yeah.

Shout out, Muriel. Listen, I am all about presenting your best self. But back to like the confidence thing, honestly. Yes. You can't take it that far. You can't be photoshopping a different face and body and feel good showing up somewhere.

Knowing deep down the person you're meeting is thinking to themselves that you catfished the fuck out of them. Yeah. That can't feel good. Yeah. So do it in stride. If you're going to Facetune, make it at least a little bit realistic. Yes. If I see those fucking blinds curving in with your waist...

You took it too far. You took it too far. You took it way too fucking far, Muriel. Shout out Madison Beer. We should, I wonder if you can get arrested for catfishing. Let's ask Nev. Thank you. Save on Cox Internet when you add Cox Mobile and get fiber-powered internet at home and unbeatable 5G reliability on the go. So whether you're playing a game at home Yes, cool! or attending one live No!

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All right, let's get into the sleuths questions. Yes. Which is my favorite fucking part. Me too. I don't know if you are ready, Alex, because this week shit is popping off. Hit me. Okay. First, UTI medication warning.

Do not squirt while treating your UTI. It will, and I repeat, will squirt out neon orange. Learned from experience and thought I should share. It makes for an even messier situation than usual. You are welcome. Love you, Sue. This information, I did not know I needed, but holy shit. Okay, so squirting isn't...

Or is it not? Because I know when I'm on my UTI shit, my pee looks like a fucking neon highlighter. Okay. Squirting, no one knows. That is between God and the squirter. And the squirt. The neon orange shit, it confirms squirting is peeing. Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm. Yes. Case closed. You heard it here first.

Okay, all you squirters, you little port-a-potties peeing around town. That's what it fucking is. I don't know if I believe that, but if you are a regular squirter, please DM me and get back to me and let me know if this is true or if you've ever experienced this. Okay, next. Alex, do you want to read this one? Sure, I would love to. Go for it. Hi, Sophia. Love the podcast so far.

When I'm having sex and the guy seems to be lasting longer than normal, I get paranoid that I cannot make this guy finish as if it doesn't feel good to him. I know most women want men to last a long time, but somehow it just makes me feel paranoid. I guess I kind of just take it as a compliment when they can't last that long. Is this weird or is it normal? I admittedly...

have felt and thought this before. I'm not even gonna lie to you guys. There is something satisfactory about a dude who can't stop himself from jizzing. Satisfactory in the sense you think your pussy is just like that fucking good. The thing is, it's not true. Like that's not how dicks work and how men work. I actually had a fling with this dude. He would last. I am not exaggerating, Alex.

two hours. Like we would be fucking like we would do every position. We would fuck all around the house. It'd be like a two to three hour fuck session. And it got to the point where I finally couldn't help myself. And I just straight up asked him, I was like, do you always last this long?

Because I was like annoyed. Yeah, of course. And he responded saying, I just wait for you to tell me to come. Like if you don't tell me to come, then I'm not going to come.

Have you ever had a dude tell you that? No. Okay, thank you. I thought it was like the strangest fucking thing. Yeah, no, that's wild. Okay, so it was like so bizarre to me, that concept. Oh, you fuck until the girl tells you like, bust the nut.

Like, you're good to go. I mean, usually it's like, I'm about to come, I'm about to come within like three minutes. But you're two hours in. Yes. And he's like, oh, no, I was waiting for you to let me know. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I've never had that happen. Very, very fucking strange. And the thing is, and you know how I am and how neurotic I am. Yeah. I didn't believe him when he said that. I was like, bullshit, you just take a long time to come. And he was like, I swear to God, I have taught myself to control my emotions.

coming, my jizzing, my nutting. Yeah. So well, I could come in two seconds or four hours. And you know what I said? Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Okay. So I had this dude set a timer on the iPhone. I'm not making this shit up. I was like,

We're going to press the timer. You're going to fuck me. And I want to see how fast you can come because all of our sex sessions have been 90 hours. We do it. He came in under three minutes. Shut the fuck up. Yes. So with that said,

I don't necessarily love it when a guy lasts too long. Like, okay, let's wrap up the show. Exit stage left.

As far as your paranoia, it's not what you're thinking it is. He probably has practiced. This guy has jerked off a lot and has learned to control it. And maybe he's even fucking other girls. Like, I don't know. But it has nothing to do with your performance in bed. No. Or how tight your pussy is. Yeah. It's none of that at all.

I think like as women, we tend to put blame on ourselves so fucking much when it comes to sex. Yes. Anything that goes wrong, anything. We're like, oh shit, what did I do wrong? Yeah. You did nothing wrong. No. No. And it needs to stop.

So basically, girlfriend, I get it. If a guy like busts a nut two seconds into entering your pussy, it like feels kind of cool. But it's just all a facade. Yeah. A fugazi. Yes.

Okay, next. Sophia, please help. I met this sweet guy on Hinge and he had a hat on in all of his photos, but I didn't notice. We started Snapchatting and he has a massive receding hairline. He's only 23 years old. Is this a deal breaker? What do I do? He's fucking fishing. Hat fishing. Hat fishing. Hat fishing.

All right. So basically, what I want to say is you have to tell this dude to either shave it off completely or get a hair transplant before you decide if it's a deal breaker. Yeah, because obviously you're not about to fuck this guy with his hat on. Thank you. So that needs to be done right off the bat.

I'm not going to write a guy off because he has a receding hairline. What the fuck? Well, okay. Alex, tell us how you really feel. I mean, like I said, hat fishing. If he's going to be out here acting like he's not balding, it's going to be a big deal that he is fucking balding. Men listening, I promise you, you are trying to cover up your receding hairline. That is not the move.

You have to embrace it. I swear to God, 80% of the reason girls complain about a dude with a receding hairline or a hat fish, it's because the dude is acting so insecure trying to cover it up. Right? Yes. Like that is what is unattractive about it. Yes. Or a big part of it. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's all I have to fucking say about that. Hair plugs and toupees.

Exactly. Get a wig. Okay, sleuth. Just kidding. I actually kind of want to get one. A wig? Because how easy to just wake up in the morning and not have to worry about styling your hair. I mean, I've had a couple wigs in my day and my hair doesn't fit under them, so. But your thin hair would. You're the hat fishing. You're the one that's hat fishing. Fuck you, Alex, for real.

You will never hear from Alex again on an episode of So Few That Have. You heard it here first. Bye. Last episode. This is my farewell. Okay, sleuths. That is it for today. You know where to find me on all of my socials. I am on TikTok, believe it or not.

Instagram. I was about to say Facebook. I am on there, but do not try to find me there because I don't even know what the fuck that app is any longer. Tagged photos go straight there. Why would you do that to me, Alex?

Instagram, what the fuck ever. So be with an F, Franklin with a Y. Where can they find you, Alex? At AlexFranco underscore meow on Instagram and Venmo. Just in case anyone's feeling generous, my birthday is on Tuesday. Just saying. What is your Venmo? AlexFranco underscore meow. Just like all my other socials. I'm taking 20%, by the way. I'm also on TikTok.

Okay. Okay, guys. Anyways, look out for the new merch drop because it is my favorite by far. And I will see you next week. Love you. Love you, Sloots.