28: Boyfriend Update 47:58

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Hi, everybody. Welcome to Sophia with an F. I am joined by my producer, Alexandra. Alex, hi. Hi. I just forced this bitch to give me a lobotomy, not because I'm fucked up in the head, but because I have not been able to hear out of my right ear for two weeks now.

And Alex, what did I have you do? You had me take a bobby pin, go in there, do some investigating and literally quite literally shovel like Stanley Yelnats in that bitch.

Alex, we do not reference the movie holes from now on. Okay. It's 2021. I had her scoop anything she could find out of my ear canal. Did it work? No. Did we proceed to try dripping olive oil into it? Yes. And did it work? Yes.

So there you go. The more you know. Also, guys, I have an amazing guest coming on the show next week. I have been wanting this particular guest to come on the show since day one. So I'm really excited and stay tuned for that. There is a lot to discuss today. Let's do the mental health check quickly.

Alex, how are you feeling? 10 as usual. I just... Every time you say that, like, I want to be happy for you, but I'm also like, please, you're in denial. Okay. Well, thank God you asked. You can't be a 10 every week. Thank God you asked. Okay. There's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. Okay. That's really been bothering me. Okay. And affecting my mental health. Which is? I cannot...

Stop thinking about Fyre Festival. The whole fiasco.

Okay, I don't want to downplay your mental health, but why the fuck are you thinking about Fyre Festival? That shit happened like three years ago. No, please explain it to me. I'm just really sad it got canceled. I was really looking forward to it this year. Shut the fuck up. Why? No, for real. Why are you thinking about it? Okay, did you hear that the fucking guy is in jail, obviously? Yes. But...

He started a fucking podcast in jail. What, from jail? Yeah. And now he's currently in solitary confinement because of it. Shut the fuck up. No, I'm dead serious. When I was booked into jail, I could not get a hold of my own mother. Like, I'm being dead serious. Wow. Wow. Well, you know what? When you get out, what's his name?

Billy. Billy. Billy, when you get out, you are more than welcome to join Sloot Media. Like convicted felons are clearly welcome here. We do not discriminate. And I think you would do really well here. I think so, too. Billy, if you're looking for a producer, my name is Alex Franco. The loyalty from everyone in my life. Everyone drops like flies. You guys have fucking seen it.

Wow. Okay. I'm so glad we covered Fire Festival. If you guys want like the latest news, this is a podcast for you. We're going to be like covering Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's divorce next week. All right. So this is the thing. I have been wanting to talk about something. I'm really nervous to talk about it. It pertains to my dating life.

You guys, I don't need to explain why it makes me feel a little uneasy, but let's just go. I'm just going to talk about it. So as you guys know, I've been living in Utah since the world fucking ended last year and

And I'm so ready to move back to New York. I told you guys that I am ready to spread my little wings again. So I've been looking for apartments and I found this amazing one bedroom in Soho, which for those of you guys who don't know, and I feel so stupid saying that, but it's downtown Manhattan, the village, right?

It's a pretty dope area. Okay, let's just put it that way. I found the cutest fucking place I think I'm going to buy. And I found the perfect apartment. I'm ready to pack my shit tomorrow and be on my way. So I call my boyfriend to tell him about this amazing place.

And I'm rambling. I'm going on and on. And all I get is dead silence on the other end. So I'm like, what the fuck? And he goes, Sophia, are we not moving in together? Yeah.

And this is where I feel extremely conflicted because I have been stuck at home for a year living with my entire family while launching a new business. And although I'm so thankful I got to spend time with them, you know, my mom is my best friend. I'm so close with my brother. A bitch is ready to go. Yeah.

You know, like I need to just be independent again. But am I fucked up for not thinking about moving in with him for even two fucking seconds while I was apartment hunting? Alex, I mean, keep your opinions to yourself. Let me keep going.

I didn't even consider it. And it is a natural progression. You date, you get serious, you meet each other's families, you move in, you get married, you get pregnant. Well, not this bitch, apparently, because it did not cross my mind. And I feel kind of guilty about it.

but also like not at all. This is the thing. Aside from living at home for a year, I also have to run my podcast. And as you all know, I talk about some stuff that could be considered inappropriate. I smoked crack cocaine. I did a foursome. Just every single thing I talk about is pretty fucking raunchy rated X.

And it can be extremely awkward when your mother or your little brother, whoever the fuck it is, are outside listening to what you're saying. The walls have ears. The hills have eyes. Don't ask me why I feel comfortable talking about it to complete strangers on the internet, but that is the dilemma. And lastly, I'm going to say, lastly, I'm going to say, Alex, and then we can move the fuck on, okay? Okay.

Aside from the show, I just like my fucking alone time. I really, really do. I like my space. I like knowing I can go somewhere and be absolutely repulsively disgusting Sophia. Okay. And I never refer to myself in third person, but that's how repulsive I'm talking. Okay. I'm trying to think of an example. For example...

He, my boyfriend, he is not down with eating food in bed. I completely agree with him. Me too. And when I grow up, I will not be eating food in bed, but I'm not there yet. And there are times every once in a while where I will, this is so gross, I will lay down a towel on the bed

And I will order food from four different places. McDonald's, Taco Bell, sushi, and then maybe I'll make a fucking quesadilla upstairs. Okay. Charcuterie board. Yes. I lay it all out on the towel like a charcuterie board, a gorgeous spread. I watch reality television and I fall asleep in my own disgusting filth.

which is disgusting to say out loud. But it's like those types of things. I'm not ready to give up. The crumbs in the bed. I can only imagine. I'm not ready to give it up. So does it really have to be a red flag that I'm not ready to move in? Because I don't fucking think it is. I'm going to be with him every fucking day.

Carrie Bradshaw kept her apartment when she moved in with Big. So why can't I? Yeah, because this is a show and not real life. I'm just trying to say there is no trajectory to this shit. All right.

Last episode, my best friend Fabi said that she is down to get married and live in a separate house than her husband. Same with Gwyneth Paltrow. And if you guys follow Goop and Gwyneth Paltrow, I'm pretty sure we all know that that is the one and only way to live life. So I don't want to fucking hear it. Okay, that's my update, you guys. I will keep you all updated on my whereabouts in the next couple of months.

I will be in the one bedroom apartment, Soho with no boyfriend. Thank you. Oh, let's move on. And just another reason why I am a shitty girlfriend and I really need everybody's opinion on this one. I have never heard this discussed before ever. Do you think it is OK to flirt with other people when you are in a relationship?

Absolutely. You think it's fine. Absolutely. So do I. But this is my example. I was at the bar the other day with one of my really, really good friends and we had our Grey Goose martinis with a twist. The bartender comes up at a certain point with tequila shots.

And she says, this guy at the end of the bar or whatever sent these over for you girls. And I'm thinking to myself, turn the fuck up shots. Let's go. Without hesitation, my friend tells a bartender that we aren't interested and to send them back. Fuck. Fuck.

What the fuck? I looked at her and I said, what the fuck did you just say? Why would we turn those down? And she flat out looking me dead in the eye said, I have a boyfriend now and it's disrespectful. This bitch in particular, this bitch sucked dick in a Coachella port-a-potty when we wanted Molly one time.

So I need her to stop pretending that all of a sudden, when you get into a relationship, you're not wild anymore. Just because you get a boyfriend, that does not mean you have to turn into some like old, boring, raggedy ass bitch. Raggedy ass bitch. Raggedy Ann. That's what we say from now on. If a dude comes up to me,

I will literally flirt right back. I will flirt harder than he does. I will suck his dick and cheat on my boyfriend to show how much I flirt. There she is. Obviously, I don't. I'm a changed woman. I don't cheat, but I fucking flirt because, you know, my mentality is who fucking knows what?

Maybe the guy that approached you and sent shots over, maybe he's going to pay for all of your drinks at night. Maybe he has some like great blow with him. Maybe he's going to invite us to his $20 million penthouse interview.

in Tribeca for the greatest after party ever. And Drake's going to be there and Lil Nas X and A$AP Rocky. And I'm not going to miss out on that. Yes. Because I have a boyfriend. Exactly. That doesn't mean I'm trying to be shady. My intentions truly are pure. I'm not trying to be shady in any way. But why would I miss out on a bomb ass night? Why? Honestly, I...

I do this mostly with work shit. If I'm trying to get something done or land a deal and I know the dude I'm talking to is single and horny, I will be flirty. What am I even saying right now? I will flirt with anyone, man, woman, grandma, child to get something I want. I will...

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Okay, guys. So thanks to my amazing team here at Sloot Media, who are major fucking sleuths, by the way, in their own lives, I have been informed of a new hack.

that is so important that as soon as I was told about it, I knew I needed to tell you guys. So if you weren't listening before, fucking clear out your ear canal with some olive oil or a bobby pin because we are in this bitch and we are about to catch every single fucking scum of the earth dude cheating. Listen up.

There is this method to find out if your slimy, wormy Jeff Bezos little boyfriend motherfucker is cheating. As if you needed any more confirmation than you already have after sifting through his email, call log, mailbox, outside of his house, through his clothes. Alex, where else do you look to see if a guy is cheating? His...

Closet. His locker. His locker. Exactly. Long story short. Gym bag. Yes. Ooh, that's actually a really fucking good one. Long story short...

First, what you're going to do is you're going to get on his phone. And ladies, I know the way you think it's not fucking hard. I don't care how you have to do it when he's in the bathroom after you fuck him and he passes out when he's asleep. Grab his thumb. Put it on the fucking touch ID. Yes, exactly. And, uh,

I don't even care if you have to knock him the fuck out cold with a baseball bat or, you know, put some Ambien in his sleepy time tea. That is illegal and that is not OK. But everything else I said is fine. Doesn't fucking matter. You bitches know how to get into his phone. What you're going to do, you are going to go to the settings app.

and make a shortcut so that his phone automatically texts you every time he opens Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, Grindr, whatever other fucking app that rat is on.

The kicker is, and do not fuck this up, for the love of God, please make sure to turn off the, I'm saying this in quotation marks, ask before running feature. Because then he will catch your ass red-handed, he'll get a notification, and then you'll be fucked.

It's just, I just, the toxicity in the air. Love is in the air. Okay, if these apps are already on his phone, isn't that already cheating? Yes. Yes, of course. But that isn't the point.

These grease balls will delete these apps like fucking 18 times a day. Oh, yes, they fucking will. Like, I delete my texts with other guys when I'm around my boyfriend. Yep. Just like that. Yep. I delete texts when I'm around my fucking mom because I don't want her to see shit. So, absolutely. But seriously, the second you leave him alone and you are not there and you leave him to his own devices, is that what it is? Mm-hmm.

Guys, literally, the vocab has no bounds here on Sophia with an F. He is going to jump onto his phone into the app store, downloading all of these fucking shady ass apps again. So my point is, just because you don't see the app on his phone does not mean it does not exist as soon as you exit the premises. Yes.

The second he is out of your eyesight. Oh, my God. We are giving women paranoia, but kind of can be true in a lot of instances. So go to the settings on his phone. Turn on the text before running feature. Make sure to turn off the ask feature and prepare yourself.

To have your fucking heart broken. But it's better that you know before you're knocked up and getting screenshots from your friends that Jared just matched with them on Bumble. And I'm doing you guys a favor because I love you guys. These bitches are like fucking Sherlock Holmes in here. They are. They absolutely are. So...

That is the fucking hack of the century right there. But let's move on, please. Because I want to do a little Sloot University thing.

Yes. Change the tempo a bit. Thank you. We are going to talk about sex for this lecture. Some PhD level sex ed. So get your pencils and your papers out. Alex, you people, you're in college. Do people even use those anymore? Nope.

Okay, get your laptop out. We are about to be super fucking explicit. So if you're in the car with your fucking toddlers, then turn it the fuck up. Kidding.

Let's let's just get into it. So I'm going to tell you a little something about me. I prefer men who are absolutely disgusting and bad, disgusting, disgusting. And I just I am not down with the dude that needs to like jump in the shower after you guys had sex because he has like, you know, all the juices all over him or oh, my God, even worse.

When you suck his dick and he refuses to kiss you after. Yes. I want the guy that is down for filthy repulsive that is ready to put Alex, you're going to fucking die. Put my antifungal medication all over his dick and

To fuck the yeast infection right out of me. And is that a true story? Yes. Have I told it before? Yes. I'm going to tell it again one day. Let me get into the actual lesson, okay? Because I have a story about someone. I'm not going to name names. They may or may not be in this room. They were having sex, okay? And I'm going to speak heteronormatively. He was fucking her from behind. And he started fingering her butt.

He put a phalange in. And why are you laughing? Phalange. Phalange. A digit. A finger. He put it in her butthole.

Maybe it was more than one. Probably. I'm not sure. They're going at it doggy style. And she turned around and looked at him. She looked back at it as you should. Which side note, do we all know at this point that you should show your face? Me with my face in the pillow? Yeah.

you should turn around. You should let him know that like you're there. There's a face to the ass. You really should. Even if you're not making eye contact, I think you should look behind. It's good engagement. That's what it is. So she looks back and this is the kicker. When she looked back, he was smelling his fingers. The ones that were just inside of her

Orifice. Her butthole. Her colon. A colonoscopy, if you will. Except this was not done by a medical professional because what this dude did next would abso-fucking-lutely get his license revoked. Alex, are you ready? Yes. Okay, because it's getting a little hotter, a little stickier, a little sweatier up in this bitch. Cut the tension with a knife. Exactly. Exactly.

He smelled the fingers. He then proceeded to stick those same fingers in his mouth to taste them. Compliments to the chef. Stop.

Exactly. Very delicious. Very raunchy. And I'm just going to say it. This sounded so fucking hot to me. I'm just going to put it out there. And I know a lot of people listening disagree. I want you to ask yourselves why. Why you disagree with me. Because I know why.

Do you know why, Alex? Of course. Okay. It's because our initial reaction is to be worried about the way that we would taste and smell. Yeah, exactly. Like society has created this stigma around it that women smell like a fucking Joe's Crab Shack down there.

Dude, I fucking love Joe's Crop Shack, so I wouldn't even mind if that's what it smells like, honestly. I spent every fucking birthday there. Do you think men care? No, they don't. No. A man has never been self-conscious about his like wee wee smelling. Yeah. Never. Never.

But women, on the other hand, it's like we are programmed to be so self-conscious about the way we taste and smell. Specifically when it comes to our private parts. Yes. I think it just goes back to the patriarchy, if I'm being honest. Challenge that toxic masculinity. Wake up, people. Wake the fuck up, okay? Your asshole is going to smell like an asshole forever.

Your booty hole is going to taste like a booty hole. And the thing is, the way that you smell and taste is actually none of your fucking business. Okay? It's not for you to worry about. It's for him to worry about.

Because he's the one going out of his way to get a whiff. He wasn't plugging his nose. He's licking your ass crack to get some flavor. Let's be honest. But really, right? Like he's looking for that. I am fully convinced that they like it when you smell.

I really am. Like, has a dude ever said, oh my God, will you send me a pair of your clean panties? No. No, never. He like wants the fucking snail trail on there. Have you ever had a guy tell you he wants to fuck you when you're nice and sweaty right after you've left the gym? Yes, I bet he has. It's happened to me. Alex, I'm sure it's happened to you. Absolutely.

They want it to be a little... They want a little stench there. Okay? And for anybody who does complain about the taste and smell, I just think like...

They should get COVID because COVID would work wonders for them so they don't ever have to worry about tasting or smelling an ass or a vagina ever again. Okay. And that's my two cents. But not to die, Alex. The 1%. Yes. Not them. I'm not wishing death. I know it's very serious. Just the loss of taste and smell. That's it.

So, Sloots, I want you guys to leave this lecture with a completely new perspective and just a no-fucks-given attitude because why should we feel ashamed of our biology, right? Yeah.

We should be grateful for our bodies, everything they do for us. I am going to purposefully just not fucking shower for three weeks and make my man go down on me. Strike. Yes, I'm going on a fucking strike. Exactly. Wow. You would think I had just like got in my tenure from Princeton or some shit. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I really need to be teaching sex ed. Oh,

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Okay, you guys, I want to dive into listener questions because there have been a shit ton. All right, first question.

Hey, Sophia, I am a senior in college and so fucking lost when it comes to jobs. I heard you say that you were an econ major. I am too. I have always loved your perspective and thought you were smart AF. Anyway, I just wanted to see if you had any advice for us girls who are just graduating and want to find a job that we won't hate. Love you forever.

Okay, first of all, she said I was smart and I just want to make sure, Alex, that you heard that. And for everyone listening, I remember this time vividly and feeling so, so, so, so, so lost. So number one, don't feel alone. The only people that have this time figured out right now are either liars or liars.

Their parents told them to become a doctor or a lawyer. And so they don't have a choice and they know exactly what they need to do. Yeah. So don't feel lost. You are exactly where you're supposed to be. No one really talks about like feeling lost in your 20s and they really should. This is my advice for getting a job.

You can respond to every single job posting. You can send your resume out 30 times a day. I know that's what I did. But the best way to get a job is to reach out to people you know. You will be surprised who can hook you up with a good job. Also, go to as many job interviews as you can.

So, I mean, even a job interview that you don't want that job, just go to it so you can get practice. And my last piece of advice, and you might not want to hear this, but I think I need to say it, is...

You might not get your dream job right out of college. I didn't. I definitely did not. I think you take the first job that is a serious job and you will learn things in that job that you might not realize will help you in your next job. That's your dream job. All right. Next, bitch.

I am literally about to fall in love with a man shorter than me. I am 5'9". He is 5'8". Please tell me how to not get the fuck off. I can't do this shit. R.N. for right now. The way she wrote this question was so fucking hilarious. Okay, so...

Why are so many women like this? I don't know. I honestly don't understand it. No. If he is attractive in every other way, you like his face, you like his body. Even if you don't like those things, you like other things he has. Yeah.

I'm not going to say bank account. He's good to his family. Whatever the fuck it is. Who fucking cares how tall he is? Like, for real, who cares? Bitch, it's your fault for being 5'9". Yeah, the fuck? I do, though. Alex, I want to ask you. Yeah. Because I do feel hurt to a certain extent. You meet the love of your life. Who is that?

Who's a TikToker? Oh, Vinny Hacker. Oh my God. How old is he? 16. Okay, 18. You meet Vinny Hacker. He just so happens to be 5'4". What are you doing? Looking up at him because I'm still fucking shorter than him.

Girl, just tell him to wear platforms every time you're with him. Like, Bruno Mars does that. It's fine. That fucking picture of Bruno Mars and Taylor Swift.

Please. Shocking. If you guys have not seen that picture, look it up. Please. Please look it up. It's so bad. It's so bad. I love how we're talking about how height doesn't matter. And then we're like, that fucking picture. I agree with you. He can put on platforms. Just, girl, don't worry about it too much. If he has everything else going for him, get over it. Okay? Wear kitten heels instead of platforms, which are in right now, by the way. Okay.

We don't need a Louboutin platform seven-inch heel. Woo! Next question. Okay, next. Have you ever been stood up? Props not because you're gorgeous, but this happened to me last night. Was she talking about you or me? She was talking about me, I think. Probably you. Sophie with an F. Anyways.

My mom fumbled. He texted me good morning every single morning, said how he was so excited to meet me, then ghosted me two hours before the date. Advice? Love you, Slu. Okay. So, Alex, I disagree with you. I think she was talking to you. But I have absolutely had this happen. I remember it clear as day. I was supposed to go out on a date and...

And this guy was like a party guy, but I was super, super excited. I got totally ready. Well, OK, I've been stood up twice. One of them I've talked about. It was that semi-famous Andrew Schultz kind of annoying motherfucker. This guy was I can't even remember his name now. This other guy stood me up. And the way he stood me up is he

He was we were texting, texting, texting. He was like, I am going to let you know, like where I end up at in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes go by. I'm sitting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. And at a certain point, you can't wait. Like, what is that threshold of time?

Like an hour? I think I waited like almost two fucking hours. I'm so impatient. I would have waited like five minutes and be like, this guy fucking ditched my ass. Probably because you have a self-esteem and that's what you fucking should do. But I, at this point in my life, I did not. So anyways, he did end up texting me though. And I think this is the interesting part. And I think this is what people should...

takeaway from my little mini story is he ended up texting me, I don't know, three hours and said, sorry, like just I like ran into a friend. Please, please, please come meet me here. I really, really want to see you. He never heard

heard from me ever again. He texted me every single day for the next month or two and I disappeared. It was it was as if I had died. So that's that's my story. Don't let it get to you because it's going to happen to fucking everybody. And it's going to if you're dating, it's part of the game. You know, my advice would be has this happened to me? No. No.

But you know why? Why? Because I will stand someone up before I get stood up. How? I will bail before they can bail. I will reject you before you even get the slightest chance to reject me. Okay? Okay, Alex. So you have your walls way up. Oh, yeah. Way up. Yes. Wow. You're going to play this game.

I'll play it way fucking harder and way fucking quicker. Okay. How do you know they're going to bail so you can bail first? That's what I'm saying. The five minutes you can wait an hour for this guy. I'll give you five minutes. Wow. And let's be honest. When I agreed to the date, I was never planning on fucking going. Oh my God. When I agreed to the day, I was never planning on fucking going. That is the fucking motto of 2021. Yeah.

Dating. Okay? That is the motto. Damn!

Alex, you just, you sometimes come at me with some fucking deep ass shit. All right, moving on to the next one. Hi, Sleut Queen. Here's my question. Due to COVID, I've lowered my standards quite a bit because special times require special requirements. LOL. I love that. I have been hooking up with a new guy and I'm loving the nasty with him, but...

But another really hot guy I've been wanting to hook up with for a while is hitting me up now. Can I fuck them on the same date or how much time should I wait in between? Also, any advice on how to date two guys at once? Love you in the pod, XX.

Damn, girl, you must be brave as fuck. I can barely stand getting cheated and manipulated by one guy, but I'm fucking too. Right? She's trying to get her heart broken double time squared. Just kidding. Not all men are assholes. Okay, I'm just trying to like back up and like reread this question. She asked if she can fuck them on the same date. I'm assuming she meant day. Okay.

Because like you trying to fuck them both at the same dinner date.

That would be risky as fuck. And would require like some serious plotting. And that would be a whole different fucking question. If you're asking if you can fuck them on the same day, yes, of course you can. It depends like how your vagina is holding up, how much dick your vagina can take. Ask her the fucking question. You can absolutely fuck two guys in the same day. Although I will advise...

To just be conscious of what type of person you are because I've done this once. I think I had like a one night stand and then that went into like the early hours of the morning. And then later that day, I fucked my boyfriend, which we don't need to get into that. But I was fucking two guys in the same day and I felt a little bit grimy after. Are you sure it wasn't because you cheated? Yeah.

No, you have no guilt. I forgot. The fact that didn't even occur to me. But just be aware of how you are when it comes to that. How much time should she wait in between? This is my rule of thumb.

Don't let the guy before come in you. I think that's a no-no. No. Like he... The second guy can't be shoving the first guy's cum deeper into your vagina. I think that's not fair. I think that there really doesn't need to be like a certain amount of time. No. I think shower in between...

Maybe. No, fuck it. You can literally fuck them back to back, girl, to be honest. One, roll over, next one. Another one. Another one. Another one. DJ Khaled, you really can do that. Any advice on how to date two guys at once? Keep your lies down.

In order. You know? John Tucker must die. Yes. Like, don't... Just be aware of what you're telling. One, make it easy on yourself. Two,

schedule everything maybe with like a day in between but never ever ever ever ever if there's one thing I'm going to say feel guilty about doing that because I promise you and everyone listening a dude has been dating you and another girl at the same time yeah all right next

For all of my OG listeners, you guys are really going to appreciate this one. What up, Sophia? Lauren Loyendyke just posted a picture of

April 24th. And I tagged you, even though she blocked the shit out of you and the podcast page. It was a dumb ass caption of baby Alessi quotation marks talking. And I commented tagging you and the podcast page. This is baby Alessi prime content. Within 20 minutes, she blocked my fucking account. Yeah.

Her family's a joke. Anyways, we need more Baby Alessi content. You are a boss. All right. If that sounded like Chinese to anyone listening...

Let me give you a little bit of background. So Lauren Loyen Dyke was a contestant on The Bachelor. She ended up with Ari Loyen Dyke, who was The Bachelor. They're together. They milked their Bachelor Bachelorette fame and made Instagram accounts, which I would do the same shit.

However, they made a fucking Instagram account for their baby that wasn't even alive. Okay? I think it's weird when people make accounts for their two-year-old. I think it's even fucking weirder when they're making an account for a fetus. Yeah. It's strange. And there's something wrong. And in the account she made, she would pretend to be the unborn fetus.

She would talk as if she was in her own belly. And that's where I, it just, it really rubbed me the wrong way. So I started to pretend to be the baby. I took on the voice of baby Alessi. And I'm going to do it again right now. So let's look up the fucking caption. So this caption is really short, but sweet. It's a picture of her and Alessi.

And it goes, me, I am so tired. Alessi, mommy, let's fly. No. Your baby wants to fly the fuck away from you. I don't know what else this caption would mean. Stop talking as if you are a baby or a newborn or anything but yourself.

Right? Yeah. Like, I'm wondering when's the threshold of the age of the baby? Like, when is she going to stop doing that? Right? Her kid is going to be 17 where her mom can legally still do this and be like, I'm baby Alessi and I'm 17 years old. I'm not a baby anymore. Can I please stop? Yeah.

Doing sugar bear hair and what's another one? Bang energy. And actually, I think that's why she keeps getting pregnant.

It's because she's like, wait, this baby is getting too old and the baby is going to be… The baby is going to start figuring out that I'm writing these captions. And so she needs to find a new offspring to do it with. My God. Please tell me that she doesn't have an account for the fetus. She's pregnant right now. Is there another account? I don't know. I don't know because I've been blocked. So I don't fucking know, but we're going to look into it. But baby Alessi, I…

I just know this kid is going to grow up and like uncover these podcast episodes and like come for me. And I'm going to be like, stop. Maybe unless you were on your side. We are. If you need help, blink twice. Please. And we will take care of you. Yes. I don't know how, but we will. Okay, guys. That is it for today.

Again, I have a very special guest coming on next week. Alex, thank you so much. Where can they find you? You can follow me at alexfranco__meow on Instagram or honestly all of my socials. You can find me at sophiewithanf, franken with a Y. As always, I love you guys so much. I am so grateful and thankful for you guys.

leave me a five star review don't subscribe don't I hate asking for shit but it does really help me and that's it and I will see you guys next week