26: Stick To TikTok 42:30

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Hi, everybody. Welcome to Sophia with an F. I am so excited for this week's episode. Before we dive into it, we're going to go over to the beggar's corner where I literally have a cup of change and I'm begging you for a penny, sometimes a quarter. Please subscribe to the show. Please rate it.

three and a half stars four five um follow me on all my socials sophie with an f franklin with a y and i think that's it right yeah that covers it i think so i'll probably come up with more should i want you guys to do begged for enough let's get into the episode

So while I was up in the mountains being a nature-esque bitch, I was hugging trees. I was pumping and grinding on the bark. I was eating granola. I was getting a Nature Valley bar all over my leggings. My chakras were aligned, clear air, clear brain, and

Clear air. Yeah, there was no pollution. Fresh air, clear brain. I was informed that some people from the company I used to work for, that shall not be named, were talking about me again. And it's a little bit frustrating because I really try to only talk about it when I'm asked about it directly and I like go on other people's shows. It's almost like they need me to create good content.

And it's just so ironic because it's also coming up on the one year anniversary of Sophia with an F was conceptualized best decision of my fucking life.

I just want to set the record straight really, really quickly, okay? If you want to deep throw a dick on a Tuesday night or a Tuesday morning, I don't give a fuck when it is, do it. And do it with pride. And don't blame your friends for your completely sober actions just because you have zero accountability skills. You can't have a fucking sex podcast...

and then try to defer you sucking dick on someone else, okay? Own your shit. Stop slut shaming. It's okay to fuck after a first date. It's okay to fuck whenever you want. And I'm pretty sure you told everyone that night that you were stuck at the hotel room alone because I was with my boyfriend. Lie, okay? You were actually gluck glucking out

youtube's most wanted love him but it's just exhausting to keep up with the lies and the delusion it really really is and that's all i have to say about it well kind of as far as um what's that kid's name josh richardson who i know sophia richardson i know your little brother's name was josh

Josh Richards or Richard. I don't know what the fuck his last name, that TikTok kid. You know what? I'm going to get in trouble for saying all this shit, but you know what? I'm okay with it. Dave is... I'm scared.

Have you ever seen Dave and Kourtney Kardashian in the same room? Dave is Kourtney, except he's fucking ugly and smells really, really bad. They both have an affinity for, like, renegading with 18-year-olds. And Alex, I swear to God, I need you to put me out and put a bullet in my head if I'm 50 years old.

bumping and grinding to walk a flock of flame on a tiktok okay okay and hanging out with 16 year olds it's fucking weird it's so weird oh wow okay anyways can i just do sophia with an f and an episode because i have some fire shit coming your way did you just say fire shit maybe i should actually be doing tiktok how old are you

Wow. Okay, that's a really good point, Alex. But the thing is, you're not going to bring me down because my mental health is soaring. I took the week off and I went from a 2 out of 10 to a 10 out of 10 quicker than you've ever fucking seen. If anyone listening is going through a hard time, do a staycation. Okay?

It doesn't I don't even care if you have to like camp in your backyard with a tent. Did you ever do that when you were little? Yeah, actually. Or like on the tramp. Yes, on the tramp. If that's what you have to do, do it. But just removing yourself from the same setting you're in day after day is life changing, guys. I it's the best way to reset everything.

I kind of want to be like a hiking influencer now. Oh, a hiking influencer. You didn't do too great as a regular influencer. What makes you want to do hiking now?

Because I can't hawk like these products anymore. Except I could hawk REI. Hit me up, REI, Dick's Sporting Goods. I am available. But like, do you follow any of those accounts? No. It's these girls, the Patagonia, the North Face gloves, the little OJ Simpson gloves, but like make it nature-y. Make it outdoors-y.

That's what I want to be. I went to Yosemite National Park this past weekend. It's like one of the biggest national parks in the United States. I felt like Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant. Have you seen that movie? Is that when he eats a bear or he gets? Yes, he's stranded in the wilderness and like lives in a bear for a minute. Like that's literally how I felt. I'm intrigued.

The only problem is I had one of the most traumatizing experiences of my entire life. Okay. I went on a hike and I don't like look up the hike before I go. It's just, I kind of just like,

see it as it as nature wants to reveal itself to me the only thing i'll look up is how many miles it is okay yeah i read this hike is like a mile or two miles easy peasy so i'm going up up up up

There are hundreds of people. A lot of them are like stopping and turning around and walking back down. And I was like thinking to myself like, okay, pussies, like get on my level. I keep climbing. I'm stopping to take pictures of this waterfall that is gorgeous. An hour goes by. I'm still...

you know, climbing up and I reach the top almost. There were like 500 feet left in this hike. And all of a sudden it's like this rickety little fence and...

The drop-off, which for those of you who don't know what a drop-off is, Alex, do you know what that is? Let us know, hiking influencer. Enlighten me, please. Kate, it's not when you're dropping your kids off to school. It's not the drop-off section. A drop-off is pretty much the way that I take it is if you fall, you're dead.

That might be my fear of heights. I am a... I'm a thousand feet or two thousand feet from the ground level. Okay. So...

If I were to fall and the rickety fence gave out or a drunk person was hiking down and decided to flip me over it, I would be fucking dead. And all of a sudden it dawned on me that I have a serious, serious, serious, severe critical condition when it comes to heights and how scared I am. I start bawling.

Tears. Tears coming out of my eyes. I sit on this rock. Alex, I'm not kidding. For an hour. Yeah, I was going to say. And I wanted to call Yosemite National Park Rangers and be like, can they helicopter me out of here? And there's only one thing scarier than climbing up something when you have a fear of heights.

It's climbing back down. I proceeded to scoot my way down the mountain. Okay? People have traveled from all over the world. China, Alabama, fucking... London, Paris, maybe Tokyo? Yes. And I had to... They were getting pissed. Like, there was a line behind me. And I am just scooting my way down the mountain. And I have now become obsessed with heights. And I just...

feel like there's something wrong with people that are not scared of heights and i don't want to shame people i really don't we don't slut shame but like i'm going to shame those of you that think it's okay to climb something that in one wrong move you lost your grip on the chain of whatever fucking thing and you fall to your death and you think that that's okay to risk it

You need help. You need serious help. It's fucking weird to me. Have you seen the movie Free Solo? Is that the rock climbing one? Yes. Yes. Tell me that's not the best movie in the entire world. It's so good. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. If you guys have not seen this fucking documentary, it's life changing. This guy, Alex Honnold, he free solos this movie.

rock wall called El Capitan but in the movie he calls it El Cap and it's in Yosemite and so then I was calling it El Cap and he climbs it without a rope okay if he falls he's dead once again something wrong with him actually there is something wrong with him because in the movie they did a study on his brain and said that his amygdala is really really small teeny tiny and

Just kidding. I think they just said it's like a little bit smaller than average. Y'all need to go get your amygdalas fucking checked because they are missing from your brain. I don't know why it gets me so heated. It's it's me not understanding. And when I can't understand something, it just throws me into a frenzy.

I'm chilling at the bottom of El Cap. There's something that really, really bothers me when people are experts in a certain field and then they're snobs about it. Mm-hmm.

I don't care if you are a martial arts guru. I don't care if you are a woodshop master. If you are snobby about your expertise, I don't think there's anything that is a bigger turnoff. And I encountered that, Alex, at the bottom of El Capitan. Yeah, I was going to say, which rock climber hurt you? Yeah.

Not Alex Honnold. I was waiting for him for three days. So I'm sitting at the bottom of El Cap and I have never felt more discriminated against until this moment.

I'm sitting there with my little gold hoops and my tinted moisturizer, taking selfies. Being a hiking influencer. Being a hiking influencer. And these dudes are just whizzing past me about to rock climb and embark on one of the hardest things to do on planet Earth. And it really hurt my feelings. What did? I don't know.

I know. I just said that. I'm like, what the fuck hurt your feelings? Them whizzing past me, looking at me. Yes. They were looking at me like, you know, when you're skiing, snowboarding, surfing, there's like the expert. Yes. And you just know that they're judging you. Oh, my God. Yes. And these rock climbers were judging the fuck out of me. They didn't say anything. No.

They probably didn't even notice I was there, but it just, it made me feel like shit. And if, you know, the guy I'm dating and I break up, I will be trying to land a rock climber. I don't know why. I just, like, got infatuated. Because of the small amygdalas and that. Yes. You know what they say about small amygdalas, right? I'm fucking dying.

Okay, let's move the fuck on. Small amygdalas, rock climbing snobs. You know, the only person or type of person that I hate more than a rock climber is a nerd.

What? It's a nerd. A nerd. What do you mean a fucking nerd? What... Okay. I actually... What's your definition of nerd, actually, Sophia? A nerd, in my book, is...

Guys in tech, usually like dudes that live in Palo Alto, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, turtle men, okay? With like little tiny necks and big heads and white and fucking gross. Yeah.

Their entire lives, they grew up nerds. They grew up being ugly. They grew up being really smart. There it is. Smart. And no one... Not emotionally smart, though. And maybe, you know, I'm generalizing, but these are just the nerds that I've met. Okay? And I can talk about my experiences. They...

Go to Palo Alto. They sell their stupid little startup company for $100 million. And all of a sudden, they're rich as fuck. And girls want to fuck them. But they're still the ugly, nerdy kid from high school. And because of this, they are the worst type of fuckboy. And they are the worst type of human being.

I'm pretty sure Mark Zuckerberg is a lizard. He's reptilian brain and blood and a fucking lizard and disgusting. And I hate him. Okay, so what nerd hurt you? Actually, a nerd did hurt me. I am so glad you asked.

When I was looking for a job fresh out of college, I was doing anything and everything to get a big girl job. I was networking left and right. I fucking hate that word, networking. I was messaging 100 people on LinkedIn every single day and –

This one guy responded to me and said that I could interview at this software sales company. You know it is a big girl job when you have to interview with like five separate people back to back to back. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. This is gonna be just like a quick tangent and then I'll get back to this story. But how fucking annoying is it when you interview for...

I'm not going to say like an easy job, but like an entry-level job, like being a Subway sandwich maker. And they make the interview process so official, so fucking buttoned up, you would think you're fucking applying to the White House. Yeah.

You would think you're applying to be an engineer at like Tesla and be like Elon Musk's right hand guy. Rocket scientist. Yes. And it's like, bitch, I am putting tuna on a six inch plate.

Piece of bread. Just because you're interviewing me like this does not mean I'm going to take this job seriously and I'm still going to quit in like two weeks anyway. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes. It wasn't that serious. And PacSun, you're still not that serious. Sometimes I'll buy a pair of jean shorts though, okay? Back to my fucking interview. So I get to the last

person I need to interview with. I've been there for four hours and I needed to talk to like a higher up, not the CEO, not the CFO, not the CMO, the president. I don't know what the fuck his title was. I entered Alex nerd land. Yeah, this guy is

He knew. He knew. I was not fucking qualified for the position. And he fucking loved it. Like, he loved watching me squirm in my seat. He was such an asshole. He was so condescending. I remember at one point he was, like, writing math equations on a whiteboard and was looking at me like, do you understand this? Shut up. He knew full well.

Well, I didn't fucking understand it. Oh my god. Like, he knew. And ever since that interview, I've had a bad taste in my mouth. Okay? So don't date the nerd and do not date the ugly guy. You don't like them at first and then...

They just they start to grow on you like a fucking ivy, like a vine on a brick wall. OK, like every girl I know has had that one guy and their friends are like, oh, my God, do you like? Yeah. No, he's ugly. Yeah.

the next thing you know, you are in love with them. Yes. And they start pulling some nerdy, ugly guy shit where their childhood insecurities flare up and your Jimmy Neutron fucking boyfriend cheats on you or like turns into an asshole. And this always

happens the ugly guy gets the hot girl forgets he's fucking hideous voldemort and then does fuck boy shit date the medium ugly guy he's not repulsive but he's not brad pitt and he will probably treat you well medium ugly

And since women are so used to being treated like shit, when the medium guy is treating you amazing, he will look like the hottest thing on planet Earth and make your vagina leak. Squirt, squirt. Like a ketchup bottle. Exactly.

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My real advice here is date the ugly nerd who is self-aware enough that he doesn't think he's the coolest thing and he doesn't have like a huge, disgustingly large ego. And his ego is his amigo. Egos.

And thinks that you are God's greatest gift on earth. That's the key. Always date the guy that would die for you and thinks you're a princess. Yes. Bottom line, because the rest of them are going to hurt you. Yep. Like Miranda Kerr and that Snapchat founder guy. Yes. We don't even know his name. That's how medium ugly he is.

Wait, I just looked it up. Evan Spiegel. Smiegel. Miranda Smiegel. So that was the worst job interview I have ever had. I left in tears and I did not show up for a job interview for like six fucking months after that.

It was like, it was kind of like when you go on a date that is so bad that you go home and you change your fucking Bumble settings to women seeking women. Or you just like delete the app. Have you ever done that? Where you just delete the fucking app? Of course. Oh my God. Download it the next day. Yeah, exactly. What's the worst date you've ever been on? Oof.

I mean, dates are few and far between. Stop. But there was this one instance where this guy was like,

Let me take you on a date tonight. Like, dress up. Like, we're going to go somewhere nice. Okay. And the somewhere nice ends up being his room where his mattress is on the floor with plaid sheets and he wants a fucking Netflix and chill. For any dudes listening, talk down the date. Be like, I want to take you next to the river behind my grandma's house because, like, it's really beautiful and, like, you can see your reflection in it because if you talk it up...

That's okay. This is why I'm saying this. One time I had this guy ask me out on a date and he told me to wear heels and to look hot.

Because I was going to be on camera. Which, number one, if a guy is like, wear heels and look hot, that should have been a huge red flag. Like, what in the actual fuck? It was because he was taking me to a basketball game and we would be sitting courtside.

I am not a pretentious bitch at all, but we were not fucking courtside. Okay. And there were no cameras because I was in the sixth row. Still really good seats. But because he said courtside and then I was in the sixth row, he should have just taken me to the nosebleeds. Like, that's literally how it felt. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Your date was way worse than mine. Yeah.

Okay, at least your date did not tell you to look hot, which is fucking rude. Okay. Okay. Oh my God. And then Alex, he took me to the concession stand during halftime and I asked him to take a picture of me because I was looking hot wearing heels. And I had like this really horrible zit and he told me to hold the hot dog I was eating in front of the zit.

For the picture. Shut the fuck up. Dude. Because the zit was so bad. Alex, my zit, to his credit, it was not a normal zit. It was a cystic pimple on my chin. And I had tried to pop it for like an hour before the date. So it was like an open wound. Have you ever fucked with a zit so much? It's like, is this a wound? A poet wound? A spider bite wound?

It was so bad, I almost wore a Band-Aid, I remember. And my roommate was like, dude, take the Band-Aid off, like, that's worse. He told me to put my hot dog in front of it. It's like, can't you just take the picture? We're going to Photoshop it later anyway. Right? I actually have a tit. Are you listening, Alex? Yes, I am. Good. Good.

ditching a guy on a date or hangout or party that you can't piss off this could be for a ton of reasons he is mutual friends with people you know he is gonna get you a job what other reasons Alex could you not piss a guy off

Because he was super nice? Because he bought you a Cartier watch? Yes. And you're like, ooh, he's going to make me return it. Okay. This is what you do. You can't pull this move during the appetizer. Okay? You need to be a martyr and a soldier and march through the date. You have to just get through the date and then go to the after date. Mm-hmm.

Fake smile, fake laugh, do whatever the fuck you need to do. And when he is having the time of his life because you've been heavily flirting, you are going to whisper in his ear and say, I just need to quickly use the restroom. You use the restroom. You block his number. You call an Uber. You go home. And that's it. And that's the tip. Yeah.

Kidding. Okay? This is where the actual tip comes in is the next day how you fucking handle it. You text this guy and you tell him what... Well, first of all, you have to unblock him. Because trust me, I block people and then try texting them and when they don't answer, I get very upset. And then you're like...

Venmo will request them $1 and you say, why did you block me? And then you... They're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't know this from experience. I do. Dude, one time I blocked one of my ex-boyfriends and for two days I thought he was ignoring me. And he was like, I've been trying to reach you everywhere. You unblock this guy's number and you text him and you say, hi, hi.

What the fuck is wrong with you? My phone died when I was using the restroom. I tried looking for you everywhere and I couldn't find you. Why did you ditch me? Listen up, bitch. I can't help it that my iPhone has a really bad battery and I was at 2% when you decided to up and leave with a stripper.

Okay? Like, that's the fucking mentality. And you tell him your phone died. You looked for him everywhere. You even asked the manager. Unless he knows the manager. Don't say that. You asked the busser. You asked the waitress. You asked the wall. It doesn't matter. Because then you just pull the drunk card and you just say, I was a little bit intoxicated, sure. But that doesn't mean I didn't look for you. Like, where's Waldo? Yeah.

Marco Polo. Okay. Because when I did this shit, I had the guy respond and tell me that he was so fucking sorry and it would never happen again. And he was glad I was okay.

Wow. Men are so stupid. This is the way you do it. This is the biggest tip if you want to get out of a date and you don't want him to be mad at you or hate you. Or take back the Louis bag he just bought you. Exactly. Thank you. All right. Let's move the fuck on. Listener questions slash advice slash stories. Woo!

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First question. Sophia, love you girl. Been a salute since day one. Question. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. We have yet to post each other on any social media. Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, nothing. Do you think this is normal? This is the first relationship ever that a boyfriend and I don't post anything about each other. Sometimes I think it's sketchy. Other days, it's fine.

Okay, my first question to you is how active is he on social media? Because if you're dating a guy who hasn't posted shit since like 2017 and he literally has a total of two pictures on his Instagram profile and he only goes on it to like follow sports, like

then I don't think it should be a red flag. I really don't. Do you agree, Alec? Yeah. I think it really boils down to this. How do you feel in the relationship overall? If everything else that he does outside of that makes you feel loved and safe, then I think you have nothing to worry about. And I know it's a very unpopular opinion, but...

And I know it's an unpopular opinion because I have been the person that's never posted a guy really on my social media. I've always been that way, but it's just how I feel. Some people want to keep that private or they don't feel a need to show it off.

Okay, actually, my ex-boyfriend used to threaten this to me all the time. I remember the first time he posted me on his story, he pulled me to the side and he was like, are you fucking happy now? I posted your face on my story for the first time in eight months. Okay. Guys, if you're in a relationship, don't confuse publicly showing each other off on social media as love.

Okay. Because it's not. It's not? Dude, social media is so fucking fake. Like, you posting 12 pictures back to back to back of your honeymoon is a bigger red flag to me than not posting at all. Yeah. Like, the happiest relationships I've ever seen were not publicly promoted. Yes. Yes.

Okay, next question. I was hooking up with this guy that I was talking to and we went from doggy to missionary, which caused queefing. And the guy says, it's like a monster down there.

I was so embarrassed and didn't know how to react. Like, how was I supposed to respond to that? Do I just pretend I didn't hear him say that or do I acknowledge it? I think when it's embarrassing is when it's a queef and it sounds like a fart.

And so then you have to acknowledge it because you have to be like, oh my God, that's not what you thought it was. Oh, that came out of the... That didn't come out of the hole you think it did. No, but... That was a barking spider. People still say that. But dude, everybody queefs. They do. Everybody farts. Everybody does. And queefing is so much better than farting that if you do fart during sex...

Say it was a queef, okay? That's true, yeah. That's one thing. But queefing, actually, I have noticed that men...

Love it. I have noticed that men think it's a huge turn on to make a girl queef. And I'm speaking heteronormatively because a woman wrote in the question about a man. So get the fuck off my back. Okay, you PC police. Leave me alone. But he probably just said it was a monster because he like didn't want her to feel embarrassed. Trust me. When I say he could not care less, he could not care less.

And to her fucking question, should she acknowledge his monster comment? Yeah. I think to just continue on getting fucked and get rid of the awkwardness, just say something sexual.

Either say, this made me so wet. You fucked me so good. That's why I queefed. We're fucking so much. You fucked me so hard. Whatever the fuck you want to say, just make it sexual and roll with it. Next, please do the rice purity test and tell us your score. I know it's kind of stupid and juvenile, but I'm genuinely very curious. Love you, Slew.

I had no fucking clue what the rice purity test was. I thought it was that science experiment where you are really nice to a bowl of rice and then you're really mean to a bowl of rice.

And the bull you're nice to, that rice stays healthy. Have you seen that? Yes, I have, actually. And it's true. Yeah, you were probably rudely awakened when you found out this quiz or test had nothing to do with actual rice. Guys, I took the fucking quiz. My score was a 12. What was your score? A 35? Okay, well, let's tell them what the fuck the quiz was. The...

is what a hundred questions and they're mostly like sex related, some relationship shit, some other stuff. And when I first started doing it, it was like, have you ever held hands with someone romantically? And I thought to myself, I'm about to get a one on this test because if it's starting like that and it escalates. Yeah. I was a 12.

So, guys, check out the rice purity test. There are 12 things I haven't done. I mean, it's pretty fucking low. It started with the hand-holding, but the last question has to do with bestiality, and I'm praying that one of your 12s is that one because 12 is pretty low. It's not. You never have put peanut butter. Please, guys.

Guys, go take the test. Alex, you call me back in five years and tell me what your score is. I have five years on you. My score will get higher. Bestiality can happen at any age.

All right, next. How the fuck do I get this motherfucker to shave his back? Please, it's so bad and I don't even like him anymore. Not because of this, but because of personality reasons. I just want him to do it so that any future girl who takes off his shirt isn't completely shocked by I was by the shag rug that hides beneath.

pet the furry wall if you guys know that get him to the greek reference i will love you forever dme yes i fucking love this bitch that she's just looking out for other bitches we should all be doing that yes teach a guy to be better in bed so he can please an ex-girl i'm all out sharing i like hair

a completely shaven, a bald, one-eyed snake, or all of his hair is free-flowing around his dick? Do you have a preference? Be honest. It depends on the length. Okay. I'm just going to be honest. If I'm about to go down there and use it as floss, maybe take a little bit off. That's true. But if I'm going to go down there and I'm about to slip around like a seal...

Okay. It might turn me off a little bit. I think it's a turnoff when guys are completely bald everywhere. To be honest, men can talk about their preferences. So can I. I like hair. If he has back hair that is so shocking, just tell him. Be like, you're a fucking woolly mammoth and you're wearing the carpet on your back. Fucking wax it.

Yeah, why not? Okay, every slew listening. I love you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in and listening to me talk about Alex. What the fuck did we just talk about? I have no clue. I blacked out the whole time. I always black it out. And I never re-listen to an episode because away and afar. Hands clean of it. Good riddance. Goodbye. It's been real.

And it's been fun. Thank you. But it hasn't been real fun. You would come in with some shade. As always, please subscribe to the show. It helps me so much. Please rate it four stars. That's how desperate I'm getting. Just give me four. And subscribe to all my social media. Sophia the F, Franklin the Y. TikTok is ramping the fuck up.

Because I'm realizing it's the way of the future. And that's it, guys. Alex, where can they find you? Follow me at AlexFranco underscore meow on Instagram. Meow. See you next week.