22: If You Give a Slut a Breadcrumb 42:31

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Hi, everybody. Welcome to Sophia with an F. I am about to dive into this episode, but I just have to start with some housekeeping shit, which I kind of feel like is everybody's favorite part. So don't even try to deny it, please.

Please, please, please, if you enjoy the show, rate it five stars, leave a review, and it helps me so fucking much. Follow me on social media, Sophia with an F, Franklin with a Y, suck my dick, go look at sophiafranklin.com. I have merch on there. And yeah, guys, that's pretty much it. Let's get into the episode.

I am joined by a producer, and I know you guys have heard of her. She is producing the episode. Her name is Alex Franco. Hi. Hi. Hi.

She is my cousin. She also works for Sloot Media. She's also funnier than me, but we're not going to get into that. And once again, she will be here just making sure I don't say outlandish shit and I stay on task. Yeah, and not only that, thank God I'm fucking here because at least I made sure the mic was turned on this time. So that being said...

Let's get into the episode. Once again, you're supposed to make me look better, not worse. I thought honesty was the best policy. Not when it comes to this, okay? Okay. I want to settle something because Alex and I were just talking about this. Are you supposed to pronounce groceries correctly?

How? I say groceries. I say groceries. Every single person that I've talked to that I know from Utah says groceries. One person that I know from the East Coast said groceries. But I was talking to my friend the other day and she was like, why the fuck are you saying groceries with that? Like it's groceries. Okay.

And I am just shook now because now every single person I've asked has something different to say. So there's groceries, groceries and groceries. Either way, two of them both have the word gross in it. So, OK, well, I'm fucking sticking with groceries. Let's move on. Mental health check.

I don't even fucking know. Alex, what does my mental health look like? Okay. Psych ward. Guys, there will be a new producer next week. I'm just letting you know. I'll also be in the psych ward. Okay, so maybe I'm not like, you know, someone to look up to for mental health. But the thing is, is I'm a 10 out of 10 when it comes to potential mental health.

And what I mean by that is I know the second I start taking care of myself and I do all the right things, I will be a 10 out of 10. And I just find comfort in knowing that. You know what I mean? Yeah, guys, stay tuned for 2022 when Sophia actually reaches, you know, above six.

But it's good to know that if I were to do certain things, I could be like soaring high on the happiness scale. That's my fucking mental health. Let's tell them about this past weekend, please. Or two weekends ago, whenever the fuck it was, I went out. Let me just walk you through the chain of events.

Okay, so I had a Zoom call set up for Friday night and I had a guest cancel on me last minute. She is the star of this really big reality show. I was so fucking excited. She's like 15 minutes late. I'm sitting on the Zoom with this producer guy, Phil, who sets it up. And I'm like looking at him, telling him, oh my God, she's just running late. Any minute now, she's going to be here. And I'm like,

And I remember he was like looking back at me thinking to himself, like, I don't have the fucking heart to tell this girl that she's getting ditched. And this is so pathetic. Yes, I realize I'm probably projecting, but I was I was just feeling so desperate. I almost asked Phil, the producer, to come and be on the show like that's how bad it was. But.

You give these producers some airtime and they just let it get to their heads. Exhibit A to my right, Alex. Okay, fuck you. So I was feeling defeated and I just wanted to let loose. The real catalyst to me deciding to actually leave my house for the first time in six months was the fact that I had a full face of makeup on. Okay, like my face was beat.

It's a lot. A lot.

Alex, you're walking on thin ice, sister. So Alex drags me to this dive bar. And by dive bar, like dive bar, like your shoes get stuck to the floor and you can't tell if it's someone's drink that's spilled or if it's like literal pee. Yes.

Like graffiti everywhere, dive bar. And you know what? Word of advice, get yourself a girl who can do both. I can roll up to a dive bar in my fucking Converse and a hoodie. And then you can also take me to Carbone. And I can look like a classy ass Ivanka Trump bitch. Okay?

At least in my mind, I do. So I get to the bar and not even five minutes in, this guy comes up to me and I'm like, your girl still got it. Like the men can't keep their hands off me. It's like honey to a fucking bee. And I'm standing there and I'm ready for his pickup line.

And he goes, wait, I know who you are. Your name is Sophia Richardson. Sophia Richardson. And I'm like,

am just standing there like how much of a d-list celebrity am I I try to explain to him like you've got the wrong girl that is not my name he doesn't drop it guys he does not drop it and he's like you're fucking lying I'm gonna pull you up on Instagram right now Sophia Richardson I know it

Finally, I convince him my name is Sophia Franklin. After 20 minutes, I almost called my mom to drop off my passport. Like there was literally a line of people waiting to talk to you, but no one knew who the fuck you were.

He probably told his friends I was Sophia Richie because there's just no fucking way. So I have all these dudes surrounding me. And for the next two hours, I have complete random strangers telling me how to do my job. Legitimately. Alex, you were there. You witnessed it. Yes. One of the guys was like, I have switched over to Sophia with an F. I love your podcast. But...

I do have to say the first episode you did, it was super shaky. It was a little hard to listen to. And I'm like, no shit. Like, I bet it was. I was like not in the right headspace. And it's just it's fun when you have a job that is literally for public consumption. And every single person is like, you could do this and you can do this better. Yeah. And it's like, OK, Brad, you got in here with a fake ID. Like, don't tell us how to run our fucking podcast. Exactly. Exactly.

Okay, the cherry on top, though, is the next day because I'm laying on my couch. I'm hungover as fuck on my phone, scrolling, and I get a message and I open it. And it is a picture of me from that night that someone had taken of me without me knowing. And this picture was like submitted to some fucking website or a page. And I'm like,

titled Sophia Franklin Sighting. I should have said Sophia Richardson Sighting. I would have fucking died. But I just don't need to relive that night. I already suppressed that memory. I was intoxicated. I probably told four different girls that they were my fucking best friend in the bathroom. Like it was one of those nights. And I don't need documentation of it floating around. Yeah.

Maybe if it was a good picture of me, I like wouldn't be complaining. But this is not a good picture of me. And I don't even know how to describe it to you guys other than I look like a fucking sewer rat. You do. Oh, my God.

I do. It was taken from far away. I'm sitting alone across the bar with my beer in my baggy jeans and a pink puffer jacket by myself. Like a loser. By myself. Where the fuck was everybody? Like, where were you guys? We wanted you to experience your first celebrity moment. I hate you. Just kidding. Hate is a strong word. No, you guys, you know what I look like?

I look like one of those overworked husbands who stop at the bar to get their buzz on before heading home because they hate their wife and kids. And they're just like crying into their fucking whiskey on the rocks. Like that's exactly what I look like. It's just you know what it really is. It's my facial expression. You literally look like a fucking meme. I do. I do. So that was my night out. Let's move on to something more interesting.

Let's talk about the galactic cap. Alex. Yes. Alex brought the galactic cap to my attention. Where the fuck did you hear about this thing? Reddit. I thought you were going to say TikTok. Kids these days, like Gen Z, I swear to God, all of you guys get all of your info from TikTok and Reddit. And it's, I'm really excited for the future of our country. Yeah.

Okay, back to Galactic Cap. The Galactic Cap is the world's first condom that fits safely and securely on the head of the penis. And I looked this shit up. It's basically a fucking sticker that you put on your wiener hole. It looks like a fucking band-aid.

Actually, one of the things that made it so fucking hilarious is the way that you're supposed to take it off. Because, yes, you have to imagine this thing is like gorilla glued on to like the head of your dick. And in the directions, it says that the best way to take it off is to urinate into it until it blows up like a balloon. I'm being dead serious. Yeah.

I'm all for, you know, something else that can be a form of contraception. I think that's cool. I just have to say, like, it gives men, like, another fucking excuse to not wear an actual condom. Yep. Do you know what I mean? Yes. This obviously does not protect you from STIs at all. And I just... This thing was, like, created for the dude that's, like...

I fucking hate condoms. And then he raw dogs you and then he gets mad when you ask for like the plan B money. Condom sex is as awesome as eating candy with the wrapper on. I fucking hate you. Who

are you on? You know it's the dude that's like, he tries to tell you, oh my god, sorry, I can't wear condoms. I'm just so big. Or he's like, I'm allergic. It just is reminding me of one of those dudes. It's like, okay, I'm allergic to babies, so...

Exactly. So get your galactic cap. But Alex, you're going to be really excited with this transition. Also get your cap and gown because we are heading into Sloot University.

Guys, class, considering this course is a pass fail situation, I just want to let all of you guys know that you are on a one way street to a big fat fucking F for fail. And I don't give a fuck if it messes with your GPA. I'm really, really concerned. OK, and I'm not grading on a curve.

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So in today's lesson, I am talking to those of you wanting to DTR. It's not down to get railed. It's not down to rock his world. It's not dance, dance revolution. Okay. DTR stands for define the relationship. Okay.

You sleuths, you want to go to his house, you want to have a glass of wine or two so you can get the liquid courage to look up at him and say, babe, what are we are the most famous last words? Ask Shakespeare. You're digging yourself a grave when you say that. And I have just noticed that

Because I see it from you guys all the time. A girl is never as crazy or as desperate as when she really, really likes a guy and he does not reciprocate the seriousness or exclusiveness that you want or that she wants.

And I've been there. So I'm not like sitting here being like, oh, my God, like fucking losers. No, not by any means. I have been there consistently fucking the same guy for like four months, secretly hoping it's going to turn into something.

But the key word is secretly because I would never ask a guy or tell a guy that I want to be with him unless he did it first. I think I'm going to get a lot of shit for this segment, Alex, but it needs to be said. Yeah. I personally would rather be labeled as the fun slut.

Excuse me, slew. Yeah. This is a slew university or anything. I would rather be labeled as the fun slew than the I want a boyfriend girl. And I think it's worked out really well for me. I'm not going to lie.

And I want you guys to all aspire to be the fun sluts too and not the I want a boyfriend girls. Okay? So before I tell you what I think you should do and how you should handle a situation like this, I'm going to tell you the things that I do not think that you should do because

And I was giving this a lot of thought last night, and I was talking to Alex about this for like an hour. And you guys, you sleuths listening, and for women listening, you fall into like three categories. And I just happened to fall into one of them as well, but you guys are going to have to, you know, Sherlock Holmes that one. Alex, I love the honesty.

Category one is the I don't play games bitch. It's the girl who thinks that she should be up front about what she wants. And I see this a lot, especially in older women. Women think asking a man to commit is them being brave and speaking up for themselves. It's not. It's not.

People are going to be mad. It's just it's not. It's fine to speak up and ask for what you want. Trust me, I am an advocate for that through and through, as you guys all know. But it's just delusional to...

to think that he doesn't know already. He knows what you want. He just doesn't want it too. And you voicing it is not going to make a difference. Yeah, like just because you deleted your Tinder does not mean he's going to delete his. Yes! Oh my God. When girls are like, I deleted my dating app. I deleted all of the dating apps on my phone. And they're like waiting for him to be like, me too. And it's like crickets. Yes.

Yeah, not going to work. Category two is the this one's my favorite. The I'm going to make him jealous bitch. When I was younger, this is probably the type of shit I tried to pull. But it's the girl and Friday night rolls around and you haven't heard from him all day. So you decide that you're going to text him.

And you want to really ruffle his feathers and say something that's going to make him a little upset or say something that will make him show he cares. And you text him and you're like, oh, my God, Dan Bilzerian just asked me to go to his party in L.A. And I just don't know if I should go. I love how you try to say that in like a different voice, even though you were like talking the exact same. I know.

so something i would say and do but you know what the student became the teacher guys and now i'm here to teach alex what is that quote from school of rock those who can't do teach and those who can't teach teach jim that was so stupid but like tell me that's not the best movie ever um

But you texting him, asking him if you should go to fucking Dan Bilzerian's party. Why the fuck would you ask him that? He is not your babysitter. He's going to see like right through that shit. And, you know, there's also, oh my God, then there's the women who...

to be subtle about it and they don't say anything directly to him but they fucking like max out all their credit cards to get a one-way ticket to go to Miami so they can post a video of themselves blackout at One Oak with their pussy hanging out and

Enough, guys. Enough. Okay? You do not need to max out your credit card and go to One Oak and kill all your brain cells to get back at this guy. Because chances are he didn't even look at your fucking story. Which brings me to the last category, the I'm taking this straight to social media bitch.

It's the girl who gets in her feels and she posts a black screen saying, taking a break from social media. Don't know when I'll be back. Like a fucking huge cry for help.

thinking that he is going to respond and be worried about her. When in reality, literally all of her friends and family are DMing her asking her what's wrong, except the dude that it was directed at. He's not even looking at your fucking story, probably. Or if he does, he's not look, he's not reading that and thinking it has anything to do with him because he's a fucking idiot. Which brings me to my next point.

The fucking quotes. The fucking quotes. The girls that post these, like, cryptic quotes on their story or in their Twitter. And they're just so embarrassing. Like,

Oh, my God. I saw this one the other day and I knew this girl was going through a breakup. And she was like, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches. Please. I'm not hard to love. I'm just not easy to play. God, it's just so transparent to him as well as the rest of the world. And you know what? None of these things are going to work. You know why? Why?

Because he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you.

It hurts, but like, you know what? I've been there and survived. Alex, have you been there and survived? I'm in it right now, baby. Okay. And you know what? She's doing fucking amazing. I haven't seen one social media post. No, I would take your phone. You're not in Miami. And I know you better than to go up to a guy and ask him, what are we? I know you. Fuck no. So I'm proud of you for that. I want all of the sleuths to be doing what Alex is doing. So what should you do?

The number one thing is I live by this and I want all of my sleuths to live by this too. Go into dates and hookups knowing that there is a 99% chance that nothing is coming from it.

You know, all the fucking bitches listening are like the 1%, though. That's true. No, there's one chance. So you're saying there's a chance. No, it's like...

When you give a mouse a cookie. Is that the book? Yes. If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. And you guys are taking fucking crumbs. You're eating crumbs and you're running with it. Don't. It's 100% chance. Nothing is going to come from the date or the fuck. Okay? Fine. I'll say 100%. You have to be tough, you know? I run a tight ship in my class. Number two.

Be honest with yourself about the situation. Just because he bought you lunch and brought it to your house, just because he said he wants to take you to Mexico does not mean he wants to be serious. Like it really, truly does not. And I've been fooled by this one before. I remember there was this

Very wealthy, very good looking, really amazing dude that I was dating, which already right there was like, why was I doing that? If he's super wealthy and super hot, he's going to like fuck up some shit. Okay. So that was my bad. But it was also my bad because this guy...

Would literally text me when he was on vacation and be like, I miss you. And I remember one time he was like, OK, what are you doing for your birthday? Like, I want to take you to fucking like Bali or some shit.

And those little things I like latched on to, like I was like, oh my God, if he's saying he misses me, like when he's out, like he's thinking about me. He wasn't fucking thinking about me. He was not like he was just doing enough to keep me along for the ride. And I should have paid attention to his actions. Yes. Actions speak louder than words. That's number three. I just fucking threw that one in there. Okay. And the last one is.

And this is how I think that the majority of people listening should deal with a situation like this is to just move on. And that sounds super fucking harsh, but the chances are that you either need to move on or at least like the bare minimum is to keep all of your options open and go on other dates because the DTR moment is,

means he's probably not that into it because a guy will make it known. And you won't even have to worry about a DTR situation because you'll know because he told you. Girls, remember, if he wanted to, he would. He would. He would. He really, really would. So...

I'm like sweating. I just really I needed I needed to let the women know listening and the men, too. OK, class is dismissed. This might be hard to take in, but your life is just going to be so much better off understanding these things from the get go. And if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's a fucking duck. What? I'm done with like the analogies, guys. Let's move on.

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Let's go into questions and advice from my fellow sleuths. And we have quite the fucking roundup of questions and advice. Let me just tell you guys right now. Number one, I have

I had an old voodoo doll someone gave me from New Orleans. I never had a use for it until I met my current boyfriend. His nearly ex-wife would not stop harassing us to the point of threatening our new relationship. I decided to put the doll to use and burned it with the intention that she would release her hold and stop interfering."

No purposeful bad juju, I swear. I even cleansed it and used neutral colored pins. Thank you for clarifying. A couple months later, and for everyone listening, this is a trigger warning, she committed suicide. Was it me or was it her history of death attempts? We will never know. My question is, should I test it?

Holy shit. Okay. As someone who is a firm believer in magical forces, now I'm invested. And I've even like tried doing like a spell or two with you, Alex. Escucha las palabras de las burras.

If you guys have not heard that TikTok, I'm going to fucking post it after this episode. Do you think that this is a coincidence or do you think this bitch that wrote in has legit powers? I don't know. But like, can you perform some plastic surgery on my voodoo doll or like throw some money on it or something?

Yes, if you are listening, can you please give Alex's voodoo doll plastic surgery of money? If you are asking me, homegirl, if you think you should test it, just for my own conscience, I think if you're going to, you need to make sure that it's someone who deserves it. Like the lady at Nordstrom who doesn't let you return your boots. Yes.

Guys, I had an altercation with a lady in Nordstrom earlier today. But use it on someone who, like, actually deserves it. Dave Portnoy. And report back and let me know. Okay?

Never underestimate the voodoo doll or the power of a scorned woman. You heard it here first. Next question. I just learned that there are people who are sexually attracted to car crashes. They go out and try to find car crashes to get their dick hard or some shit. Let's explore this idea a little more. Okay.

I hope that this person is just referring to a fender bender and not some like explosive Princess Diana shit. Wow, we're coming out.

hard at the questions. RIP Princess Diana. She's an idol. Rest in peace. I love her. But for real, there is nothing more that I hate than sitting in fucking traffic because now I know that there's

All of these little rubberneckers in front of me needing to slow all the way down when they drive past the car accident and they're literally driving two miles per hour so they can turn their little rubbernecks and see what's going on at the fucking scene of the crime. And now I know it's because they're jacking off. Yeah. And like...

Does the orgasm happen at the same time the airbags deploy? Or is it after? I would love to know. I'm so confused. I think that they're turning around...

Like fucking little squirmy, wormy, pea-brained, rooster neck pieces of shit. And making me wait three hours in traffic because they want to get a mental image so they can go home and wink it. And I'm done. So fuck you. I'm not kink shaming, but like, fuck you. Maybe I am. Okay. So, wow.

The more you know, the more you know. Next question. The guy that I have been fucking told me that he has never come inside anyone without a condom. And I just realized no one has ever come inside me without one. Round of applause because the amount of pregnancies that you have avoided, girlfriend. I am relieved that you had that realization. Back to the question.

So naturally, like the bad bitch I am, I bought three plan B's to surprise him and tell him to come inside of me. The next time we fucked after that, I told him to come inside me and he ghosted the other girl almost immediately. Can't wait to use the other two plan B's. Okay.

So I love the surprise element to this. I really, really do. I could see why that's super hot. I think everyone listening, try this at least once. However, I don't know if taking the plan B like it's a fucking TikTok thing

is the best for your body. I think if you're that desperate for him to come inside of you, then maybe just offer up your asshole instead. Give your hormones a break and have your asshole do the heavy lifting.

And I honestly think he needs to be paying for the next round if you're just going to keep fucking taking him down. Yeah. Or like, bitch, can you just get on birth control like the rest of us? Like, okay. I've wondered this as well because I have a lot of friends that it's like one of my really good friends. Fuck. I was going to give her a shout out. I don't know if she would want it. No.

I went with her to the doctor and he prescribed her Plan B because she was taking it so much. Okay, next. This was written in...

Alex by a male listener. So I love that. He said, love the show. It's one of only three podcasts I actually enjoy. My question is, can you discuss the friend zone and how to get out of it? I keep getting friend zoned by girls I meet and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong or what to change. Is it at all possible to get out of it or do I just have to start over with someone new?

Okay. First off. Take it over. First off, what's wrong with being in the friend zone? You know, I fuck my guy friends all the time. They're in the friend zone. They know what this is. Are we going to answer one question that's like not going to offend anyone? I don't know. It's just a certain type of Thursday, you guys. Let me have like my toxic time. Okay. Every once in a while.

Listen, looks don't matter when it comes to men. For women, it's a different story. But men do not need to be attractive to get pussy. You just need to carry yourself in a certain way. Like, look at Jeff Bezos. He looks like a fucking bridge troll. It's true. And, okay, he's also like the richest man on planet Earth. Not a good example, but...

I know a ton of guys who don't have money and they don't have the looks and they get any girl they want anytime they want. And it's because they carry themselves a certain way. They, A, have confidence and B, they just give off this vibe of,

That the girl they're talking to couldn't suck his dick if they wanted to. Did that make sense? Yes. Yes. Like, it's... He gives off this vibe that...

He's not fucking just any girl. He wants nothing to do with you. He's not interested in you. And girls, because we are programmed so fucked up because of society, it, like, gets to us. And it's kind of like this reverse psychology. And it makes us want to be sluts and suck your dick. It's just, it's kind of true. Mm-hmm.

It's similar to girls who like and get turned on when a guy has a girlfriend or is married, which I'm not like that. Me neither. And fuck those girls. But every girl is. But we're not. I'm not. I'm not. Okay, yes, we're not. But you guys get the fucking point. So, dude, I would just tell you to lower your fucking standards. Okay.

So rude. Or start acting a certain way because what you're giving off is not bringing in pussy and you just need to give off something else. Fake it till you become it, baby. All right. Next. Recently, single hot bitch over here just trying to get decent dick. Anyways, I fucking...

fuck this guy who was into some weird shit. By weird, I mean sticking my pinky into his tiny pee hole. Literally half my pinky was in and he'd tell me to put it in slowly and pull it out slowly. He kept saying slower, slower. I might as well put on a strap on because I got fucked for literally 20 seconds and the majority of the time I was fucking him and my pinky in his dick hole.

is that even a thing well i'm like trying to like picture it curious if anyone else has fucked a guy's dickhole let me know love your show in the way you said and love your loyal listener um wow okay no i have never done this before of you fuck no okay um

It's this guy's world and we are just fucking living in it. Like he is on some different type shit and

I don't even know how to give advice here. Alex, you do it. Okay, what I really actually am curious about is if it's not a girl's finger in his pee hole, what is he using? Is it a pencil? A cotton... What is it? A Q-tip? A Q-tip? Do they make dildos that size? Please tell me. I'm thinking of those like bachelorette parties, like the penis straws. Yes.

Come on. It's... Wait, that's terrifying. What does he use? What the fuck fits in a wiener hole? Apparently a pinky. Wait, actually, I'm so glad you brought that up. Is his wiener hole, like, stretched out to the... What? Like, did he just have a baby through his dick hole? Like, why is his dick hole that fucking large? And honestly, I think if I had a guy ask me this...

It's too weird. It's too weird. I don't think I could do it. For me personally. No. You know, I mean, to each their own. Wow. I bet you when he pees, it just like falls out. He's probably like constantly urinating on himself. Everybody's wearing a diaper. Absolutely. Good luck, girlfriend. Slower. She didn't like that he said slower. Okay, guys, that's...

is it for today um as always follow me on social media Sophia with an F, Franco with a Y Alex where can they find you? Follow me on Instagram at AlexFranco underscore meow and um SophiaFranklin.com is where you can submit your questions and stories and I have merchandise on there and what else Alex?

subscribe and rate to the fucking show. This is the first time I've done this before, guys. I love you so much, sleuths, and I will see you next fucking week.