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Have holly jolly... Wait, what's a Thanksgiving song? The only one I... Let me sense that. Adam Sandler. Okay. Hi, everybody. Welcome to Sophia with a P-H. My name is Sophia Franklin. I really need to stop doing that. Welcome to Sophia with an F. My name is Sophia Franklin. I'm a
I am joined here by the one, the only, the queen, the Queen Lola. Hi, Mom. Hi. How are you? I'm so good. I'm so good.
Can you guys hear that sarcasm? What sarcasm? She 10 out of 10 does not want to be here right now. She wanted to record this morning and I was just too tired, but... Not true. I want to be here. She's lying. Uh-huh. Okay, mom. So let's give them... Actually, before you even talk, this lady has an accent for days. In case I didn't notice already. Yeah.
So I'm the immigrant mother, by the way. You don't have to title. You have a name. I know. Paola. That is even worse. People are like, we're fucking tuning out. We're not going to call her by her real name, Paola, because that's too hard for people to say. We call you Lola. Yes. Right, mom? Right. And she does have an accent. So please bear with us. Please just give us a chance.
You're going to enunciate, right? All your words. I will try. Is that good? Try. That's how I talk. Try. Maybe that's where you get it from. Maybe that is. So, mom, I'm so excited to have you here. This episode is dropping on Thanksgiving. Okay, too much. Happy Thanksgiving, guys.
Happy Thanksgiving. We're just going to give you guys a little Thanksgiving special. We have a song prepared. We have a song prepared, A, and then B, we're going to spend the whole time telling you how to prepare a turkey for 45 minutes. Actually, Mom, what advice would you give them to prep a turkey? Just don't do it.
As you can tell, she's a real Martha Stewart always has been. I woke up with microwavable meals. Oh, stop. I'm kidding. Mom, I'm so happy to have you here again.
This episode is not for you to make me look good. It's not? It's not. It's the complete opposite. I want you to be real, honest, tell the people what they want to hear, and let's get started. Okay, quickly. The word slew. I have been calling...
My listeners and myself and you and everyone I know, a slew. And you have two for how long? Forever. We've been saying the word slew since the beginning of time. Since Lucas had a brain to comprehend what... Oh, what shadiness we were talking about. Yes. Oh, guys, Lucas is my 17-year-old brother, by the way. We're 11 years apart. There's a huge age gap. Yeah.
I thought we started seeing slew around grandma because you didn't want to say sled around her A and I thought it was because your accent. Wow. Okay, enough with the accent. Okay, no. I have an accent. Okay.
But you're saying it was because of Lucas and we didn't want him to know. Well, it was a combination. Remember when we used to carpool with the kids from the neighborhood and you and I would try to talk about something and didn't want Lucas or his friends to understand. Okay, and so we would say sleut. Yes. Okay, guys. So sleut just runs deep here in the Franco-Franklin household. Yes, and it was sleutty McSleut, remember? Yes.
Slooty McSloot. So, okay, mom. So let's talk about you for a hot second and then we'll fucking talk about me for the rest of the episode. Let's just talk about, let's give them a little bit of background about
As to your upbringing and then we can go into mine a little bit. My upbringing? Okay. Kind of. I came super fucking prepared. Yeah. What do you mean by my upbringing? So you moved, you were born in Argentina, Buenos Aires. Yes. And you moved here when you were 15. Yes. Yes.
And that was a super hard transition. Yes, it was absolutely a difficult one. I grew up in one of the biggest cities in the world. And then I came to Orem, Utah, long time ago, long, long, long time ago. And
there was not many people there there were absolutely no minorities right I started high school like two days after moving
moving here holy shit my english you couldn't even speak english well i could a little bit but not you know i learned english in argentina but it's never the same no they dropped you off pretty much all english speaking high school two days after you moved here pretty much yes
That just, that sounds horrifying. And it was very different. I mean, the culture shock was huge. And I, you know, I knew no one. Right. There was one other Latina that was in the entire high school. Shut up. I kept trying to talk to her in Spanish so I would chase after her. Shut up.
She was like, bitch. She was like embarrassed to speak Spanish because there was some, you know. Right. Racism. Racism here. Yeah. For sure. People just, I think, did not understand. Yeah. They didn't know what. Yes. What a.
I mean, I'll be honest in high school. Like I wasn't friends with like the foreign kids. Stop. I wasn't. Why? I did not raise you like that. Wow. So you were one of those girls that bullied your mother in high school. Oh, that's true. You told me this story that everyone thought you were a drug dealer. Yes, they did. Why? Why?
Because... You're Spanish. Well, yes, that absolutely. They had never seen a Spanish person that looked, I guess, like me. And that had a nice car. I actually...
was driving a pretty nice car and they just immediately assumed I was up to something wasn't it oh my god first of all that is so fucking racist a hilarious b but it is funny to look at my mom and people thought she was a drug dealer although I'm sure for you at that time it wasn't so funny no you were driving a nice car because it was didn't your boyfriend like
let you drive. Wasn't it like an older guy and he let you drive his car? Yes. He wasn't that much older. He was like three years older, but he left for the military and left me this nice car. Okay. Didn't he fund the nice car by selling drugs? No. He was a drug dealer. He absolutely was not. He was Mormon, not a drug dealer whatsoever. I thought he was. No. Okay, so they just assumed you were. They just thought I was.
Okay. They were like, how does this girl have... This young Spanish girl that just fucking came out of nowhere. And I was a little hot, let's be honest, too. I'm sorry. You were a hot girl. That's probably also a reason why some girls were mean to you in high school. I don't know. You were this hot little Latina and these guys were fetishizing you. They didn't like it. And you were probably kind of a slew.
No, I was not. I don't know where you get that from. I'm not. It's not from this side of the family. Wait, actually, let's talk about that. So I, this is eight episodes into this new podcast. I was part of this other podcast that was very, very, very extremely raunchy and sexual and graphic and all of those things.
How did you, first of all, how did you feel about that when that show came out? And be honest. Well, I mean, I was horrified. I mean, you know, I kept trying. I would call you almost in tears. Guys, after every single episode, my mom would be like, Sofia, you just didn't need to go there. You did not need to go there. And I feel the same way. You still don't need to go certain places, but that's okay.
Can we also agree that it's empowering for women to talk about sex? Absolutely. You're just talking about like the parts when I'm like fucking like choke on the dick and like tears coming out type of thing, which I've calmed that down. Yes, you have. But I'm about to ramp it up. Not on this episode. Maybe next week. Please.
I can barely listen to it on the radio, not live. I don't want to hear it. Yes. So... I like to keep my head buried in the sand. Like an ostrich? Yes. Just call me ostrich. So I think that...
Part of the reason, though, and we've talked about this, that I have felt so comfortable talking about sex in the middle of Mormonville, Utah. And some people are going to be like, that's a derogatory thing to say. In the middle of a state where it's predominantly conservative. Yes. Thank you.
You kind of, it's kind of your fault. Oh, of course. Everything is my fault. I know. Don't you guys always just turn it around on your parents?
Um, it's not your fault, but from a young age, like we would talk about sex. You taught sex ed. I did. Yes. Okay. You kind of grew up around sex talk with me. I had a job that I absolutely loved teaching teenagers about healthy relationships and
Talking about sex as well. At the YWCA. Yes. So what I would do is it was in terms of obviously giving them options and it was...
A lot of it was around contraception, how to be safe, how to make sure you don't get pregnant, what options they had out there. If they did get pregnant. If they did. We also... I also worked at the Home for Pregnant Teens and would teach parenting classes and you would hang out with all the kids of the teens. Right. You kind of grew up in that. Around that. Around that, yeah. I had like the...
fake vaginas and ones that you take to the, that you see at the OBGYN's office. And I would put that in my car and we would take that along with condoms and fake babies and the fake pregnancy belly to high schools with some of the teens I would teach along, you know, along with, with me. And, um,
Yeah. You grew up around all of that. Okay. So I'm sure that that contributed to it a little bit. That you're open to talking about sex. Yeah. I think talking about sex is absolutely okay. Well, yeah. You know. Mm-hmm. And. I just think there's ways and there's. And places and things that make it more.
Okay. I understand, mom. But the views, but the clicks. The clicks. I get it. It's the clicks, mom. You don't even want to know what I'm going to call this episode. Oh gosh. Like a porn fantasy.
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I came home with a big bag, like one of those huge bags. Like a garbage bag? Bigger. Okay. Regular garbage bag full of condoms we picked up from Planned Parenthood. Okay. Because we would take them to the high schools and leave them for the kids to have available. Right, right.
Which is very smart, by the way. Like at my private Catholic high school, that we did not, that we did not, we were not exposed to that shit at all. No, I know that. That's another story that maybe we can talk in a minute. Okay, but keep going. My poor mom came downstairs and she's like, what is that? I said, mom, I'm changing professions. I need all the condoms I can get. Shut the fuck up.
To grandma? To grandma. She laughed. She knew I was joking, but... Didn't you say that? We joke like that. We do. In Argentina, we're very... We talk about sex in joking ways and it's... Wait, that is a very interesting thing because just in the United States in general, like, we're a little bit, like, suppressed when it comes to talking about it, right? Yeah. As compared to Europe and...
South American countries. Yes. I mean, certainly in Argentina. Argentina, which is mostly European. And you know, my parents are very conservative. They're LDS. And they talk about it and they laugh and it's totally fine, you know? Yeah. My grandma has some jokes. She does. She should come on. Absolutely. She would do amazing. So, yeah.
Yeah, and let's just clarify for everybody. You would take me around to the YWCA to teach these classes, right?
I was always in tow because you were a single mom. So you, like, had to take me with you. I did. Right? Yes. You spent weekends with me. So we would have to, you know, all the staff at the home for pregnant teens. Yeah, it was a home. What, during the week you were like, bye, bitch? No, no, no. What I'm saying is during the, I worked at the YWCA home for pregnant and parenting teens for, you know, a few years from the time you were about 18.
till you were maybe four. And it was a home that had to be staffed. So someone had to be there 24-7. So we would take turns taking a whole weekend. So being there from Friday night to Monday morning. Oh, yeah, I would sleep over there. You would sleep there. We would watch movies with the teens and their kids. Right. You would hang out. Can I call them sleuths or is that so inappropriate? No.
I think they're okay. They're probably older than you by now. I mean, they definitely are older than you. We're all sleuths! The funny thing is that I think that's why you're so good with people and comfortable because you grew up with people of all shapes and sizes. I never thought about it that way. Yes. And the other funny thing is I would try to teach you because we were so big about, you know, calling...
body parts by their real name and you know penis is a penis a vagina is a vagina and you couldn't even you were so little you could hardly talk and you would when I taught you the word vagina I would say my china you would call your vagina
Your vagina, your china was so cute. That's cute. I was like a mascot at the YWCA. You were actually on the front cover of their brochure. The brochure. Yes, I remember. You and your cousin, Anto. She was on there too? Yeah, you both were. Wow.
Okay. We couldn't have the, you know, the actual people, residents there, because of confidentiality. And not only were you, you know, a single mom for a while, you had me when you were very young. I mean, not very young, but... 21. 21. For Utah, I wasn't that young, but... Right. For me...
I'm 28. Can you imagine me having a kid right now? Yes, I can. Oh, my. I'm ready. Oh, my God. When you are. Okay, I promise. When you are. I'm not like grandma. I'm not saying go have one tomorrow. Yeah. I think having a child when you're young has its pros and its cons. And I think one of the pros is that you get very close with your kids. You almost, like you and I almost grew up together in a way. That's why we're so close. Yeah.
We grew up together in a way. That's a very interesting aspect to it that I've never really thought about. We're still growing up together. Yeah, that's the issue. My mom still hasn't really gotten there. I think of anything I'm growing and you're kind of... And I'm getting younger and younger. That's the way I want it. Yes. Let's swerve. I think we know enough.
about your life yes i think we do i think it's you have a very interesting background and we can talk about it more you'll definitely come back on but let's give the people what they want and i don't know what the fuck they want which is what is it i think you know what do you guys want i think what the people want is they want to know what it was like having a kid that
was a little unruly. Okay, so... Was I a good kid? You actually... Here's what's really interesting because I had heard so many horror stories and what I had seen from other people. Having a girl, a preteen, was going to be super scary. So I was always kind of waiting for you to be bad, to be that bad girl. And you were so good. Yes, guys, she was a great kid.
13, I was waiting, nothing happened. 14, you were fine, except for one incident.
Or was it at 15 when we had to pick you up from 7? Yeah, 7 a.m. Do we want to talk about that? That sounds wild. I had to pick her up. She was drunk at 7 a.m. at 14. Guys, let me give you a little bit of context. I know what happened. I was in science class. It was my first, what the fuck do you call your first quarter? Can you please refrain from using the F word around me? Oh my God, mom.
I've been doing this for over two years. Like, you know who I am. Okay. Okay. Like, you don't say the F word, sweetheart. She does. I don't. Okay. So it was science. It was my very first class of the day. This kid that I'm not going to call him by his name. I'm going to say his fucking first name. It was Cameron. And he brought in this Coke bottle that had whiskey and Coke in it.
And he was passing it around the class. And he was like, oh my God, this has alcohol in it. I thought you didn't know what was in it. See? Did you lie to me? Wow. I lied to the principal. And me. No, I don't remember exactly if I knew what was in it. I knew it was something a little naughty. I knew it was something a little naughty, but I just like felt like 7 a.m. was the perfect time to get a buzz on. Yeah, exactly.
You know what I mean? Yes. To get me through the day, just with a little buzz. He hands me the Coke bottle, I take a swig, and then he was a complete idiot and he thought it'd be funny to, like...
Pushed the bottle. So then I got drenched in the alcohol and Coke. Right. Coca-Cola. You were not drunk. Coca-Cola. You just smelled like alcohol. Yes. And I was so scared because I could sense that the science teacher kind of knew something, which by the way, that science teacher ended up getting fired for talking to young girls on the internet. What? I did not know that. Bitch. You want to come for me and get me in trouble?
So karma is real. Karma is real. So anyways, I ran away. I went and hid because I had drama next period. I went and hid behind the curtain. I definitely got in trouble. They found me and then you had to pick me up from school. So that was the first. And your dad had the right idea of putting you in the back of his motorcycle to get you home. Do you remember that? Yes.
No, he picked me up on his motorcycle. Yes, we were both there and he had ridden his bike and he said, no, no, I'll take her home to sober her up. I was like, she's not even drunk. She just smells like alcohol. The fact that he thought being on the back of a motorcycle is what would sober me up as if that's a thing. Okay, so that was kind of the first incident. And then... But see, back to what I was saying is...
Nothing happened again after that. So when you were 15, you were great. You were 16, you were great. I kept waiting for you to have an attitude to talk back to... Okay. At least I didn't know. You're trying to tiptoe around the fact that at a certain point, I went AWOL. At 17, however... I turned into a demon. Oh!
Unraveled. Unraveled. Yes. It all turned, took a turn for the worse. Let me tell you. And that's when the Sophia, and it was never that you were bad or disrespectful to me. It's just that you like to have fun.
I was a party girl through and through. My idols were Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. What do you expect from me? They were. Also, you put me in a high school, like, known for partying. I did not know, obviously, at the time. I wanted you to have options and to... Well, it's funny because they're kind of known for that, but then they're also known for being, like, the best education. And they were strict as fuck. Right. You know? Right. But...
Whatever. Whatever. Live and learn. You turned out okay, though. Look at you now. You're the best daughter a mother could ever dream of. Is that sarcasm? No. Guys, I don't know what she is implying. No. I'm serious. Okay. So, yeah. I'm the best daughter in the world now.
You really are, though. Really. I'm a good kid. I'm a great daughter. You're my favorite daughter. My best daughter. My only daughter. Your only. We're best friends, for sure. And we're very close. And that's, I do, that's like a perfect segue because today is Thanksgiving and
And you said I'm the best daughter and I like obviously grew out of it to a certain extent. I still dabble with my partying here and there, guys. But nowhere near what it was. Nowhere near what it was, obviously. And when the podcast first came out.
You were horrified. I remember the old podcast. The old one. Yes. I mean, is this new one that much better? Maybe right now it is. I think it is. Guys, get ready for next week because my mom's going to fucking lose her shit. Guys, I have a... I did a collaboration with this other super, super sexual raunchy podcast that you guys will hear next week. And mom...
I just want to tell you right here, right now on this microphone, plug your ears, tell your friends not to listen. Oh, gosh. Great. Mom, it's fine, okay? It's fine. Just embrace it. I try to think of the positives that come out. And I do think it's empowering. And I do love that it's...
I get it. You're conflicted sometimes. Even me sometimes. Sometimes I'll listen to an episode and be like, God damn, Sophia. Did that shit just come out of your mouth? But then I'm like, click, click, click, click, click. And then it just goes away. It all goes away. Yeah. All the second guessing goes away. So it's Thanksgiving. Yeah.
And I remember when the show first premiered and one of my family members sat me down in front of all of my cousins and she...
Everyone was super excited about the podcast because my cousins are ride or die bitches and we all love each other and we're down. Okay. Absolutely. This family member sat on the couch and she pretty much bitched me the fuck out.
She looked at me and she said, it is just so disgusting what you're doing. How the fuck can you do that? You are a disgrace. You are being... You're making women feel degraded. Which I think is so interesting that people still have this outlook that if...
You are a woman. And even if you don't talk... I mean, we would say crazy-ass shit. Like, if you're not sucking your man's dick, someone else is. But do you think that's true? No. Okay. My mom's not the one to ask. But anyways, she... And I do think it's kind of crazy. I agree. But the way she handled it and the way that she was not open to realizing that it was empowering in a...
Kind of roundabout sort of way. It's just... Bitch! You're not even blood related. You can't. Why? You can't call her that. Why? Because. Oh my god. Mom, this is a comedy podcast. I know. Like, it's fine. But... If she's gonna freak out, she can freak out. You don't mean it in a real...
bitchy sort of way. Yeah, I do. I thought she was a fucking bitch at that moment in time. But she's not. I mean, that was just a moment in time. She's not, but like, she can have bitchy tendencies. Is that better? Can't we all, though? Mm-hmm. Pfft.
Let's rewind because high school, I was crazy as fuck, whatever. I think a lot of kids go through that in high school. A lot of them don't, though, actually, too. I honestly think I just didn't realize how crazy you truly were. You were so strict. I was. That's also something to talk about is do you think because of how strict you were with me that that had anything to do with it? Of course. It's my fault again. No, I'm asking you. Just be.
the blame on. You're the reason I am the way I am. Yes, I am. Yes. No, I'm serious, mom. Do you think being super strict with me had anything to do with it or no? Who?
Who knows, Sofía? I don't know. All I can tell you is that being a parent is so hard. So it's the best thing that you can ever, that you will ever experience, but it's also very difficult. And what would work for one child may not work for the other one. You guys don't come with a book.
Like a manual how to raise this kid. I wish you guys did. But ultimately, I think as a parent, if you do the best that you can all the time and just the rest, I mean, you have to hope for the best and the rest will do it, you know. Yeah.
I get that. I think it turned out okay. I turned out fucking fabulous. Look at me. I know. Sitting on the flow. Absolutely. So I think that that's just a really interesting point because...
always and I've talked to Fabby about this which you guys know Fabby now you've listened to my past episodes her mom was equally as strict with her and we would always say that that was part of the reason that we were so wild that we were just trying to what the hell is the word rebel rebel oh my god
But we always thought that was part of the reason. But I agree with you. I think it's like there is no manual. And the parents that, like, don't give a fuck about their kids or not even they don't give a fuck, but they just allow their kids more freedom. And they're more laid back. Like, those kids probably, I'm sure, turn out wild sometimes, too. So...
Great, mom. You have no advice to give anyone. Any parent. No, I don't. I don't claim to know how all the answers or be an expert. I just, you know, I do what I can. And I always feel like. Actually, mom, you kind of claim the opposite because you said that you wanted to. You were super, super excited for the questions advice segment because that is like your forte. Oh, that's true. That's true. She is a hypocrite. Don't listen to her. Yes.
We're going to get into that segment, but I just want to rewind. I'm crazy in high school. Is there any one story? Oh, my gosh. Yes. Can I please? There's one story that sticks out to you. Yes. I remember this. Okay. What? Your second boyfriend in high school. Okay. I...
Left in the morning to go snowboarding, 20 minutes away, and in great Paola fashion or Lola fashion. You forgot something. I forgot my snowboard. It was a Saturday. I'll never forget. I was going up for the afternoon only, and it was about 12.30 or so. I come back home, and it's super quiet, and I woke upstairs.
And I still to this day cannot believe that you have the audacity to do this. What? I go in my room.
The bathtub full of bubbles. Yep. Candle lights all around it. I had never even done that in my own bathroom. It was romantic. It was romantic. I call you. I'm like, Sophia, what's going on? And it was super quiet. And I realized what had happened. You had a guest over, a little friend over. Right. So.
So, anyway, I did not know what to do. Here again. You guys don't come without a manual. Okay, so what? So you come upstairs. You see a bathtub full of bubbles. You see candles lit. Wasn't there, like, lube somewhere? Yeah.
Or no? I can't remember. I probably blocked that part out of my memory. But you're saying you couldn't find me? Like what? Did I just leave? Well, you guys had ran to your bedroom and were trying to hurry and get dressed. I'm guessing. I don't even know. Oh, okay. Yes.
So I call you back. Respectful. Respectful children that you were. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I go downstairs and you guys, I sit you both down. Oh my God. I remember this. You remember? Yes. And we have the talk.
And here comes the sex educator out of me. And I talked about protection and I asked him if he knew how to...
And has me and my boyfriend at the time sit there and shows us how to put a condom on a banana. Well, I mean, what do you do? I just wanted to make sure that you guys were safe if you were going to do something. Not that I approved, not that I was happy. I was horrified. But, I mean, you were 17, I think, at the time. And, hey. Honestly, yeah.
He took it rather well. He took it really well. I was obviously mortified, but the funny thing is, is like, that's probably the least worst thing I did in high school. Wow. TBH. TBH.
Yeah. Okay. Well, I don't. You don't need to know the other shit. No, I don't. Oh, my God. Denial is a beautiful thing. I want to know for everyone listening. Can you guys please write in and tell me like the craziest shit that your parents caught you doing in high school? Because those stories are amazing. Did your parents ever catch you doing something? No, I was perfect. Shut up.
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Okay, my mom, guys, is a world traveler, and I'm not saying that in like a, oh my god, honey, she's in Stade, she's in London, she's in Morocco. Oh no. You've just done a lot of traveling, and you would take me with you a lot, and I think that a lot of times when people, well, especially when I was living in New York, and they would be like,
Why the fuck? I have like this small town girl vibe a little bit, a tiny bit. And then I also have the exact opposite of that. And I think, A, it's because, you know, you... I have... I was born...
born and raised with a lot of culture because of you. Me and my, our family and your dad's family and you love traveling too. Well, because you would take me with you everywhere. I would. We've been to a lot of places and I, I love to travel low budget sometimes too. I mean,
Okay, guys, this is the thing about my mom. She can go low and she can go high. And I think that that is a really amazing quality to have, actually, because we've gone really nice places and stayed in really nice resorts, hotels, whatever the fuck.
And then sometimes my mom thinks it's a little bit more fun to like be a little rough around the edges. And get in with the locals. I love. I mean, that's really my favorite thing. I don't want to go to a different country and stay in a five-star hotel. Right. Where you don't get to experience the culture or the people or. Yes. My mom likes to really immerse herself. And I think that that's I.
actually agree with you I think that can be the best way to travel I also think that sometimes it can be scary as fuck that's the thing I know I'm sorry I'm sorry for all the scary times I do own up to them there's been more than one for people listening always travel safe yes uh
If you want to be a little sketchy, you're bound to have a really amazing, great time also. Yes. Let's talk about one of your experiences. Which one? When you almost got shot. Ooh.
Okay, so this was a girl's trip. In Turkey, right? Turkey, Istanbul, which is honestly one of my favorite cities in the world. I really highly recommend it. What's amazing about that city is that half of it is in the European continent and half is in the Asian continent. So it's got... But I went with four of my best friends. It was a girl's trip, like I said, and...
We had traveled. It was a long flight because, again, we traveled on a budget. It was a flight that took us, I don't know, maybe 24 hours. You guys weren't flying direct. Oh, no. It was all around the world. Have you guys – I'm sorry, Mom. I have to go on a quick tangent before you finish your story. Have you guys ever gotten on that website, Skiplagged?
It's this website, and if you're looking for a flight, and if you can't find the one you want, or you want a cheaper price, this is so... I don't want to say ratchet because that's not politically correct, but it's just a little...
What the fuck is a word? I don't even know. I don't know, guys. It is a website that works. It does work. What it is is... Someone very shady came up with that website. Oh, yeah. They were brilliant. So what it is is you just give them, obviously, your destination, and sometimes you will get a ticket where the destination is really just supposed to be a layover. Right.
And you get the fuck off the plane at the layover and you bounce because you're at your destination. Do you remember what happened with your bag that one time?
And I started screaming at the Delta lady and I was in tears and she started screaming back at me and it was like legitimately almost a physical altercation. I was like, you don't understand. My meds are in that bag. Like, I can't check it in. Yeah, hysterical. I can picture you there with hanging on to your suitcase like this.
Because, guys, I was about to get off in, you know, fucking New York and the flight was about to go to London. And your bag was going to end up in London. Yeah. You were going to lose everything. That's why. That's the only time it can be a little bit sketchy. Besides that, I highly recommend. But what I did end up doing is she put a tag on my bag and said, drop off your bag at the end of the runway. Okay.
And I just fucking ripped the tag off and I took my bag on the plane and I was like, guys, move your shit over because we are squeezing this guy in here. So why I went on this tangent is because this skips lag is...
you could say that you want to go to Toronto and it will come up with the craziest fucking flights for you to get there. It will be like, all right, so what you do is you're going to stop in New York. You're going to hit up Thailand. You're going to circle around. You're going to go to India. Yeah.
And then you're going to end up in Toronto. Yeah. And then you'll end up in Toronto and it will save thousands of dollars. You'll save thousands. And it's only like a 48 to 55 hour flight. So wild. I'm always like, who are the people that purchase that? Yeah. So you guys are in Turkey. Yeah.
We're in Turkey, very tired after our long flight, but we said, hey, let's go to our restaurant. Let's go out. Let's get to know a little bit of our surroundings. We sit down five minutes later.
We hear screaming and these shots. Gunshots. Gunshots. This guy started shooting inside this small restaurant that we were at in a separate room. So we couldn't see it, but we could hear it. So we hide under the table. There was the four of us.
And all of a sudden I say, let's run for the door. And we just ran out. I am not joking. It was the craziest thing. I just got chills. That sounds terrifying. Oh my gosh. It was so, so scary. Especially when you get to a country at night. Right. And you just got there. Just get there and you don't know anyone. Anyway, what was really funny is that the next day,
We heard from people in the hotel that it was a domestic dispute. This guy was mad at his girlfriend who he was looking for. Apparently, he thought she was having an affair and she was at this restaurant. Did anyone die? No, nobody died. But it was still quite the welcome to Istanbul. Yeah.
But nevertheless, that country is amazing. The people are super nice. I want to go there. It's an isolated institution, I'm sure. Yeah, you should be their trip advisor person. You really sold that hard. I love... I mean, I did say it's one of my favorite places. No, I mean, crazy shit can happen anywhere. Absolutely. That just reminds me, Mom...
You growing up in a big city like Buenos Aires, you are not new to some scary ass shit like that. Oh, no. Haven't you been robbed at gunpoint? Yes. Guys, Buenos Aires, Argentina is one of the, again, the most beautiful place in the world you guys need to go. No, it really is. I'm just kidding. Yeah.
No, it really... We're a bulletproof vest. Yeah. No, just kidding. Yes. But it really is an amazing city. It's corrupt as fuck, right? Yeah, you can say that. And you told me, like, several stories where you were on the bus and someone would hold a gun to you and you'd have to, like, give them your jewelry. Yeah, they would pass a little bag around and they'd have one guy in the front of the bus, the other one on the back, and just...
And then didn't you also tell me that, oh, Grandpa told me this. Grandpa told me that, like, the breaking point for you guys to move to the United States is he came home one day, Grandma and his dad were, like, tied up and duct taped to a chair. And I was locked in the bathroom with a nanny. Oh, my God. Or with a babysitter, I guess. Right? Right.
And someone had, like, robbed you guys, like, taken all of the money. Yes, asked my mom to open the safe because most people, I mean, the bank system didn't. Did you think you were going to die or were you too little? I was too little. And what's so funny is I didn't even face me when I came out of there. The thing I was most worried about is these cookies that we had just bought. I wanted to make sure they didn't steal them. That's so funny.
I was five years old. I climbed on a set of drawers where they were, because I couldn't quite reach them. Were they there? They were there. Thank God. The cookies.
We're good. Everything is okay. I mean, that's cute, but that's also horrifying. That is wild shit. So my mom, she has experienced life to the fullest, right? Would you say? No, not yet. I still have my... The best years are yet to come. Mom, that doesn't mean your life is over. My mom is about to turn 50. What?
And she is just, like, holding on to her 40s for dear life. 50 is the new 30, bitch. Absolutely. Absolutely. I didn't mean to call you a bitch on a microphone. Yeah, thanks. Sorry, I'm in podcast mode. Okay. So anyways, my mom...
She's lived a lot of life. She has a lot of life to live. And you would take me traveling with you. Actually, one time I got stuck in Argentina, Buenos Aires, Argentina with you in middle school. And I had to go to school there for a few months. Yes, you did. Casual. Casual. Do you remember the girls were so obsessed with you? They loved
you. Yeah, because I was like the American white bitch. They showed up. Yeah, they, not because you were white, I mean. Well. But you were American and just, they thought you were the best thing. Remember they would like hold hands and people were very affectionate. People also in, you know, outside of the US kiss when they say hello. Right, very affectionate. Girls are constantly holding hands. Right.
Yeah, they would write you all these love letters. Do you remember? Yes, I remember I would go to school from fucking 5 a.m. to like 5 p.m. Yes. Shit was wild. That's how it should always be. You should be in school all day. I barely remember feeling like I was there my whole life. And I was at home for an hour. That's how it felt. Yeah.
Yeah, guys, we got stuck in Argentina because I don't know if it's because you have a common first name and last name or what it is, but someone was using your passport. Yeah, because I had left... I had been gone for so many years. Wasn't someone using your name? They were, like, on Interpol? They were using my...
of my social security card. Right, and they were wanted on Interpol. When I went to renew my passport, because I had to. In Argentina, you had to. In Argentina, they couldn't clear my passport because a man was using my, it's called a DNA number, but it's equivalent of a social ID.
And they were wanted by the Interpol. So even though they knew it wasn't me, particularly because he was a man, they still had to wait for the, you know, for the protocol. We were there for a fucking while. Yeah.
Yeah. So, anyways, that was really fun. I'll tell you about that time. But we've done a lot of traveling. And before we get into questions, advice, there is one story that I hold so dear to my fucking heart. Which one? There are so many, but...
I think one of our wildest vacations and quite possibly my favorite is when we went to Thailand with Lucas. Oh, me too. For multiple reasons. I love Thailand. Thailand is amazing. And if anyone is planning on going...
There is this place that you need to go to that no one advertises it. No one tells you that that's like a place you need to hit up in Thailand. Because when you go to Thailand, there's so many different... You go to the Buddhist temples and, you know, there's so many different places to go. And somehow I found out that there was this place called Monkey Hill. And you go there and you like look for monkeys there.
And it was just kind of a long shot because obviously I had just found this random, I believe it was an article or someone from Thailand told me or something. I don't remember. But we just decided, let's just try it. Why not? I love monkeys. In fact, when I was young, my sister, who I always looked up to so much, had gone to Brazil and she...
a little tiny titty monkey on top of her head under her hoodie. So she kept her hoodie out the whole time. It was like a long train ride and brought it to Argentina. Guys, she smuggled a monkey on top of her head into another country. And then didn't you tell me anytime the monkey made a sound, she would like open her mouth? Yes, she would like, ah, make a sound. The monkey was like,
My aunt would literally open her mouth and pretend it was her. I would pretend it was her.
love. She's one of my faves. I think at the end she gave the monkeys and Ben a drill to kind of... Shut the fuck up. Okay, well, PETA's gonna be after us, but you know what? They were young, and this is a different time. Oh, yeah. That was so long ago. Okay, anyways, back to the story. We go to Monkey Hill. We ride one of... What are they called? Tuk-tuks? Tuk-tuks. Yes. We ride one of those. It's this very old... Forever. Remember we kept going up and up and around.
Right. This very old man. And he's taking us up this hill, which is more like a mountain. And you just spiral all the way to the top. There's no monkeys. There's no monkeys. And we're like, we're just going to give up. Finally, he's like, no, we just got to keep going a little bit more. So we get up there and we see some monkeys. And we're like, fuck yes. We take out the fruit that we purchased. I didn't say fuck yes, by the way. She did. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Just kidding. We take the fruit.
We take the fruit out of the tube-toque and we go out and we start feeding them the fruit. And these monkeys are down. They are down to play. They are down to come all the way up to you and eat out of your hand. They are very interactive. And all of a sudden... I have videos, actually. All of a sudden, out of nowhere. Out of nowhere, the other tray of fruit we have and my mom's purse...
swooped up by this mother monkey I want to say it was huge compared to the other ones they were all about two feet tall this one was like three this was a big monkey and she comes down I don't know why I'm saying it's a girl yeah why are you being yeah it was a boy monkey and I know it
the fucking sex of the monkey? Is that not part of the story? It was a boy. Okay. Yes. He comes down, takes my mom's purse, takes all of the fruit we fucking brought, is gone, goes up this tree. No, up this tree. We're standing there like in shock. And then all of a sudden he just drops down the empty tray, ate all of the fruit, and
drops your purse down with like your wallet and like all the shiny shit in it gone. And, um,
That was our experience on Monkey Hill. They were vicious. I remember standing there and like a hundred monkeys out of nowhere. Yeah. Remember we started with like two or three. Yeah. That's when we decided to leave is because you were standing there and all of a sudden all the monkeys started coming out of the forest. They were scared. Guys, we were surrounded by like 20 monkeys and we were like, this shit is scary. It's time to go. And Lucas, my brother, was freaking the fuck out. I think we all were. Yeah. So,
So anyways, monkey story. What a nice, wholesome Thanksgiving story. Yes, I like that. I think that's it, Mom. I think we should go into questions and advice. Okay. Okay? All right. Let's show these people what you do, you little expert. All right. All right.
Okay, let's move on to questions, advice, stories, people telling me that they love me, people telling me to go die, all of the above from my listeners, my sleuties, my sleutie pebbles. All right, mom. Let me just preface this by saying I tried to run some of the questions by my mom earlier and she was like, la, la, la, la, la, I can't hear you.
Mom, if any of these questions are too graphic or too vulgar or too much, just don't talk and let me just handle it. Okay, but you know what? I'm not. You're not what? Much of a prude. Well, I guess we'll see. Let's see. Well.
Let's see how much of a not prude you can be. Let's see how much of a sleut you can be. Make the sleuties proud. Join the sleut squad? Yes. Sleut squad or swath team. Okay. Okay, this is an amazing one for Thanksgiving and for you, Mom. Hey, sleut. So my boyfriend of about a year has introduced me to his family a few times, but they're always pretty standoffish and rude. Oh.
They never ask me questions and kind of talk shit later when he confronts them. They really love his ex who he dated for like seven years, but she ended up sleeping with his best friend. How do I handle this situation? Not your normal type of question, but I'd really love your input. Love you. Have you in all of your relationships the tens and thousands of times?
Oh, wow. Your various conquests and marriages. I'm just kidding, mom. But have you ever had a situation with a dude where the family didn't like you? Are you seriously asking me that? You know the answer to that. I do know that answer, but I think that... Everybody loves me.
Okay. I did not think that's where you were going with that. Where did you think I was going? I thought you were talking about this particular relationship with a family, but that was different. They ended up not liking you like down the road or something. I don't know who you're talking about. Okay. There's people I don't know. Can you give this poor girl advice instead of telling her that you've never, I never had that problem. That was horrible advice. I know. Could you help her please?
Or this will be the last time that you talk on this microphone. Oh, no. Give me a chance, please. Okay, mom. Okay, no. I think that if she really likes this guy, she needs to, like, figure out a way to get to know them. You know, this is, I'm just going to cut you off because I'm fucking good at what I do. You are. Yes. All right. They've been dating for about a year.
I think you can give the family a little bit more time. She said she's only met them a few more times. Give them... A few times, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Excuse me. A few times. Give them five to ten times to get to know you.
And if they're still being complete assholes, then I think you need to have a really, really serious conversation with your boyfriend. And also evaluate what the situation is with your boyfriend. Are you going to marry this dude? Because you're marrying into the family. Exactly. And then that shit is not fucking fun at all. Yeah. But if it's just kind of like, eh, he's my boyfriend. I'm in my 20s, whatever. Yeah.
Then I mean, fuck them. Yeah, just have fun. Fuck them. Get shit-faced to every family gathering and take embarrassing Snapchats of them and post it. Exactly. Make them eat their words. Exactly what I would recommend. Assholes. You took the worst out of my mouth. Okay, next. I'm going to try to paraphrase this next question as best as I can. This girl wrote in...
drunk. She said, I'm writing this after a few ciders and beers. We love that. She dated her boyfriend for over five years from the age 20 to 25. In the first couple of months of dating, I caught him masturbating to Facebook pictures of my old high school enemy. And he admitted he was jerking off
to this girl's pictures and would do so often. Now, let me just say I am all for guys, people watching porn, but I am not down for masturbating to Facebook while in a relationship or in general. I agree. Or in general, guys. Right. Um,
But it happened often. I'd go to work and come home and look at his history, and he had been jerking off to Instagram, Facebook pictures of fully clothed women while I was at work for eight hours. His wiener would literally have scabs on it from jerking off for so long. I would always question why he would only get off to those photos of fully clothed women, but he never had an explanation.
I would send him porn videos I thought were hot, videos of myself, etc. And he would admit he wouldn't watch them and they wouldn't turn him on. Wow. Okay. To each their own. Masturbating to fully clothed women or men. Not for me. Personally, I feel like there's got to be like some fetish thing going on there.
Like, why is he, why does he like that? I don't know. Maybe it's, you know, whatever the reason, I don't think the issue here is that he's masturbating to fully clothed women, but I think it's a red flag. He's not sexually attracted to her. Not necessarily. No, I don't think that's what it is, but I think it's a red flag if he's constantly masturbating to the point where he's got scabs in his hand. Well, I mean, I think she might've been kind of joking, but.
Oh, okay. I mean, maybe she wasn't. You don't think it's an issue that he won't jack off to her sending sexy videos of herself but, like, wants to go masturbate to the girl wearing a turtleneck and jeans in a Facebook picture? Yeah, I mean, it's a fetish, I guess. Girlfriend, I know exactly what you need to do. You need to put on a parka.
Put on some fucking leggings and snow boots and send the pictures away to this man. Exactly. Great. Oh my gosh. You are a genius. It's so fucking easy. Oh my God. Oh wow.
No wonder I make a living off of this, you guys. Amazing. Amazing. That's really the worst advice ever, but moving on. Next. I have a really embarrassing sex story. I was messing around with some guy at the time, a fuck buddy, if you will, and we had sex while I was blacked out. Typical weekend.
Guys, we don't condone blacked out sex, but it's happened. I've been there. Mom, I don't know if you've been there. I've never been there, but... Okay, well, good for you. I have no judgment here. Okay.
Well, I was on the last day of my period and I did not remember taking out my tampon before we fucked. The next morning I was digging around in my vagina realizing I didn't take it out the night before and I could not find the tampon. I called a girlfriend. We went to the emergency room because she was scared I was going to have TSS, toxic shock syndrome.
We were waiting in the room for a doctor to examine my fucking vaginal cavity and I looked at my friend so embarrassed and I was like, I hope the doctor is not a guy. Five minutes later, a hot ass doctor comes in to fish a tampon out of me. Mortified, I was laying there busting it wide open for this hot young doctor just so he can tell me there's no fucking tampon inside of me and made a comment like,
Quotation marks. Well, you have a very healthy looking cervix. I've never been more fucking embarrassed in my life and the biggest, most embarrassing waste of a $900 ER visit.
Well, did she give him her phone number? I know. That's what I'm saying. He was flirting when he, the moment he said that he had a healthy looking cervix coming from a doctor. Wow. That has flirting written all over it. All over it. I think she should go back to the ER. He is into you. Absolutely. She should go back and give him her phone number. Cervix compliments are a dead giveaway. Oh, yeah.
Just in a dead way. Yeah. I love the sarcasm. Okay, next.
I really want to talk about this question. Okay. All right. Sophia, my boyfriend of 1.5 years told me some whack shit and I need your advice. We did coke the other night and we started talking about our relationship and it just went south. He said, I have wandering eyes. It has nothing to do with you. I have just been wanting to fuck other girls.
Trust me, when I tell you he would never cheat, but it really hurt my self-esteem and it's been fucking with my head. Should I offer him a threesome or just walk away? Disclaimer, I'm 20 and he's 35. Thanks. Love your show. Ooh, I love to talk about it. What a great question. Yes.
Yeah.
No, it's not so much the gap. It's that she's 20. Because let me just tell you, me, compared to when I was 20, I'm a different human being. Imagine if you were 35. I mean, you go through so much growth and change during that time period. Yeah. And dating an older guy, you have to be very mature. It can be really – it can be good. Yeah.
If it's a really great guy, but also I think the wrong person can take advantage in a lot of ways. They have more experience. That's an interesting perspective. Yeah. They have more experience. They've done more things. They can really be so easy if they wanted to play you that they could. Yeah. And you might not even notice it. Yeah. I also, on the flip side, do think, though, that sometimes men...
they're not ready to date until they're literally at least over 30. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think over 35. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I completely agree and understand what you're saying. So there's that.
Number two, never have a threesome because a guy expressed to you that he has a wandering eye and you just want to do it to keep him around. Because girlfriend, you might give him that threesome and he might go off to the races and be having threesomes without you there. Well, I never have a threesome or any type of sex just to get a reaction from the other person. Right. Have you ever done a threesome, mom? No. No.
Okay. Never. Okay. They did coke. You know, I've had nights like that, mom, where I've dabbled in either alcohol or something and you end up kind of being super, like overly honest, right? Because like all your inhibitions are down. Well, and I think maybe you don't even know what you're saying. If you're under some kind of substances, you might just be saying whatever comes to mind without really feeling it. So I think it's important to
Have a sober conversation.
And yes, being 100% honest with a partner regarding that may or may not be the best. See, that's the thing. That's why this question is so interesting is because I agree. I think there's something very powerful for you guys to have that type of relationship where nothing is off limits and you're so honest. But at the same time, mom, you are the one that taught me this. Like some things you just keep to yourself. They don't need to know every fucking thing. They don't want.
to know every single thing. And they don't want to. Trust me, in one of my past relationships, the guy told me every fucking thing that came to his mind and it drove me nuts. It really drove me nuts. I felt insecure. It wasn't good. And I don't mean to get like really into some crazy toxicity or things like that, but I think sometimes people tell you things because they want a reaction from you too. Right. If they're very unhealthy or toxic. Mm-hmm.
Damn. Wow. Dr. Phil and Oprah here. Are you Dr. Phil or Oprah? I'm Oprah, thank you. Okay. This guy wrote in, a gay guy. He said, first of all, I want to thank you as a gay guy who listened to your old podcast. I find this space so much more inclusive, relatable, and mature. You talked about crying. Am I mature? Yeah.
Yes, you are. You talked about crying during sex and how sometimes it can come along with some big realizations. I applaud you. It's happened to me a couple times. Once led me to realize I was still in love with this man. I'm now dating him again and I want him back. But the story I look back on and laugh about now was when I tried to lose my virginity in college, dot, dot, dot, to a girl.
I said,
As things are getting hot and heavy, I ask her if she wants to have sex and she said yes. So I put on a condom and I shit you not, as I am making my first thrust, my wiener shrivels up and curls away like some magical force is keeping it from entering. Okay.
After a few attempts at getting my soft peen to go in, I roll over and started crying. She asked what's wrong and I responded, I think I'm gay. She was quiet, then patted me on the shoulder and said, it's okay. The next day was when I came out to my best friends for the first time. So yes, crying during sex happens and it's normal. That night was awkward as hell, but now it's one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me. Love you, Tim.
Tim, I don't know if you want to be anonymous, but you put your name at the bottom. There's lots of Tims out there. Wait, but he didn't cry during sex. He cried... No, I mean, he tried to get it hard and it wasn't happening because he likes dick in the butt or he likes to put his dick in the butt, I'm assuming. And so, first of all, applause because...
I find that to be like a very... It's funny, yes. But it's also just this beautiful thing that right then and there, in that moment, he was able to say it to this girl, I am gay. And this kind of situation forced him or maybe gave him the courage or maybe didn't even give him the choice. And he had to say it the next day. And...
And from the sounds of that, you know, what he wrote in, it sounds like it was one of the best decisions ever. Yeah. And I think it was her reaction was great, too. Right. Was very understanding. Yeah. Accepting of it. And have you ever had a good old cry during sex or after? I'm sure you have before. We just can't think of it right now.
I can't think of it right now. But sex can be... Okay, but sex can be emotional. I mean, sex can be beautiful. Sex can be beautiful and emotional. With the right person. Or with the wrong person. But they didn't have sex. Mom, kind of. It was... I guess there was some sexual interactions. Okay, let me ask. Okay, fine. You know what? We're about to go on a tangent. If your boyfriend is like, baby, I...
I did have sex with this girl, but I didn't have sex with her because my dick couldn't get hard. I just tried to put my soft dick inside of her. Would you count? Would you consider that cheating? I would. You're right. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Come again. All right, guys. I think that's it. I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. No, I don't. Go. Please.
You know she's going to be down here recording on her own. Like, please. Mom, you know what we forgot to talk about is Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Oh, yes. How could we forget? There is so much to talk about. I drove past Lisa Barlow the other day. She lives literally down the street from us. Why wasn't I invited to be a housewife of Salt Lake City is what I want to know. Oh.
I have a list of reasons we can talk about after this. I've seen a bunch of people that I personally know on the show and I have been texting them and reaching out and collecting all the gossip. So I will let you guys know. And happy Thanksgiving, guys. We are not celebrating the pillaging, raping and destroying of the Native American people.
Or the murder of, what was it? My mom and I said to that. 46 million turkeys. 46 million turkeys a year. I'm no vegan, but goddamn. We just got to keep it real. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. I'm kidding. We are using this holiday just to give thanks. Sometimes it might feel like we don't have a lot to be grateful for, but we do. What do you have to be grateful for, Mom?
Oh, I have. I'm so grateful for so many things today. Today, especially. Today, especially. My brother broke his collarbone skiing. Yes. So I was with him in the hospital, at the hospital. And it went really well. So I'm so thankful for...
Both of my kids, I'm so thankful the surgery went well. I'm so thankful for family and friends. I'm thankful especially to all the doctors out there helping with COVID. One specific doctor. One specific doctor. Wink, wink. That stayed late and...
perform an amazing surgery on Lucas. I couldn't even tell you how thankful I am. Gotta love it. Gotta love it. I am thankful for...
My family being healthy and my friends and, you know, the ability to come out of a dark time and pick yourself back up, which I recently went through. And I want everyone out there to know you can because sometimes the holidays can be lonely. Absolutely. And I think that one of the things that's beautiful about this particular holiday for me, Thanksgiving, is I feel like having gratitude in your heart makes life better.
so much better at times, especially times that you're going through a hard time or struggling with anything. And I'm absolutely thankful for everything, really. There's so many things we forget, all the things we need to be thankful for. Yes, gratitude. Practicing gratitude, not even just on Thanksgiving, attracts more people.
into your life. That's it, everybody. Rate and subscribe to the show, please, if you haven't already. It really, really helps me. My website is live, sophiafranklin.com. That's where you can purchase my merch, merch, merch, something my mother has also stolen from me. In fact, she's wearing it right now. Love the merch.
So cute. So cute. So comfy. I really love the color scheme. I love it all. It's so actually upscale in my opinion. I agree. So we love you so much. Happy Thanksgiving, Turkey Day, whatever day, Gratitude Day. And I will see you guys next week with an episode that...
will blow your mind in a good way or a bad way. We don't know. Love you, sleuths. Bye. Thank you, Sophie, for having me here. It was really fun. It was really great to see this side of things. And I love the sleuths out there that support you. And they mean the world to me as well. Right. And supported me through the tough times. You guys mean the world to me. I love you all. Oh, that touched my heart, too. We love you guys.
I will see you next week. Bye-bye. Bye.
