Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
If you're not having spicy sex right now, it is not.
It's not too late to start. Like that's the beauty of a long-term relationship is you can just start whenever you want. You can be like, fuck it. Today's the day you and I, because it's not awkward between the two of you. We're going to spice things up and then he'll trust me. He or she is not going to be like, no. All right, AB hit us with the current events. And please tell me you have an Elon Musk update for me. I do. Okay. So the last time we talked,
Elon bought the largest shares of Twitter. Yes. Okay. And then I think it was like Wednesday or Thursday of last week. He now wants to buy all of Twitter. He just wants to be a typical Elon move with his Elon energy. He wants to go buy all of Twitter. But the thing is, if he buys Twitter, he's going to take it from a public company to private.
He does not care about the economics of Twitter. He doesn't care financially how Twitter does. He thinks Twitter is powerful. It's a powerful platform. And the freedom of speech aspect of it has gotten lost. And so if he takes it private and he owns it, he knows he can implement changes. For example, the edit button a lot faster. Oh, so private companies have more option options.
for change when it comes to that weird strict stuff on like social media. Well, he just wouldn't owe anything to the shareholders or the board. Like he wouldn't have to talk to all these people, but he, now he did say this though. If he does take it private, he does want to bring along or keep as many shareholders as possible. Um, meaning they could come invest with him, which I think everybody like would, everybody would do that. Yeah. Then,
That makes sense because I guess the more shareholders, the more people you have to ask permission with. And if it's private, he can just do whatever he wants. Twitter, yeah. He also did so that he can do the numbers like he was saying for the stock. Okay, so he would do $54.20 as an ode to 420. I figured. Like Elon, that's what I love about him is he's just always still being Elon throughout the whole thing. So he's like, yeah, $54.20 is like his premium, which is great. Yeah.
Twitter and the board do not want – they're in a shitstorm now. Elon, being the wealthiest person arguably on the planet, assets, et cetera, it's a lose-lose for Twitter because they either sell it to Elon. That would be the winning scenario for me actually, but they might do this thing where they put in like poison. They call it something with poison, but that would be where they dilute the shares.
So basically, they're kind of screwed either way with Elon because he might, he's now going to be a critic no matter what happens. Interesting. You don't want Elon to be the critic. No. I will say, though, I have just gotten quite a liking to this man. Well, you like him even more because he's doing this one for the people. Yeah. Like, he's like, I don't care how it fares. He also, you can argue that the board might not have the shareholder's best interest in mind, but.
If they don't want this to go through with Elon, now he's got 9% of Twitter now, but if they dilute the shares, he might have 6%. Yeah. They pump in 10 million more shares. Like that doesn't help anybody. Also, all of these shareholders would get a premium payout right now if it happened. And so it's like, why would you not do that? But they don't want Elon poking around. So what do we, what will we hear some updates on this?
There was a story out today. Like, I don't know. They just have to decide if they're going to accept his offer or not. Okay. And he's got people coming up to him all the time being like, all best. I love Twitter, but it's so interesting that he wants to take over that app versus the others. I want to ask you how you feel about this part. He wants to, like, figure out a way to get rid of, like, burner accounts. Like, a more stricter way to verify, like, you're a real person, so you can't have, like, these, like,
Because that's what sucks about Twitter is there's these vile people that are just in their basement being burners. So he wants to do away with that. Get rid of the trolls. The trolls, yeah. Love that. Me too. My life would be so much happier without them. I thought so, Jordan. Yeah, it would be. Okay, so I think about that a lot. Yeah. And that's...
So there's these trolls on Twitter. Right. That have like five followers. Right. And they'll come and say this just like savage stuff to us. You're a whore. Their account's like two weeks old and like all their, they have four tweets and it's all like just vile weirdo shit. Yeah. Telling people to kill themselves. Yeah. But sometimes, I will say this, sometimes the tweet, I'm like, how did they know that? There's been an occasion. Remember, I pulled up that one Twitter, that one burner account. Yeah.
And they knew. And I'm like, it's somebody that is either... And I think about it, the reason I'm sitting in this room is because I, on my name, commented Photoshop. Right. And so I'm like, I like the fact that if you're going to say it, say it on your account. Because I know one of these... Yeah, say it with your chest. Yeah. And then get in the room and own it and be like, I said it because of X, Y, and Z. But I know one of these burner accounts, they said something specific about me that happened in this office. Yeah.
And I'm like, well, who is it? And you got five followers. But why don't you get on your real account and go say it to my face? No, there's a lot of burner accounts that are popping up where I'm like, okay, this is getting too close to home. How do you know this? Why is your username this? I'm like, you only would know if you... It's just sometimes... It's just not adding up. I'm like, there's a lot of people behind burner accounts that we know. What would you do if tomorrow night you found Graham's, like...
burner accounts like reddit twitter and he was just like a literal troll what would you do so yeah reddit if graham even was on reddit i'd be like like he'll go read it sometimes but if you're gonna go like participate i don't know i don't know actually i just think you got to do it on your name i think you just i'm cool with any of it
But if you're going to go troll somebody, it needs to be under your name. If you're going to go say something mean... Well, the funny thing is a lot of times when guys DM me horrible things, I'll look at their profile and there'll be these guys with these cute pictures with their girlfriends or their wives. And I'm like, if your wife, if your girlfriend knew the horrible things you were saying to other people... Oh, I've thought about it. I'm like...
If I ever found my significant other saying horrible things to people online, I would be like, you have a very, very sad heart. We are not going to work out. No. Graham one time got into it about politics in Oklahoma City. That's different. Whatever. And that was completely different. But if you're going after somebody...
I just think so on. I spent Saturday morning on our TikTok account responding to people like our TikTok. Yeah, like I went after the trolls because they, you know, they'd be like, they'd say something and I'd make, okay, bro, you have zero posts. Like, why don't you go do something and then come? Why don't you get in the arena and then come back to our arena and criticize us? But you're not even in it yet.
Amen. Under username XY49. I'm like, okay. I didn't feel good after doing it, so I decided it just took too much energy and it wasn't good energy, so I'm not going to do that anymore. But I was thinking about it with all these burner accounts, and I'm like...
I wonder how it would feel to create a burner account and then go comment something mean on somebody. I don't think you'd feel any better afterwards. I think you'd feel worse. It's just a reflection of their insecurities. Like, you have to be such a sad individual to take the time out of your day to comment horrible things on other people. That's just what I have to tell myself. I'm like, okay, you're calling me a whore.
You're insecure. It's fine. Yeah, right, right. Like, you don't know. Because as a happy person, how often do you even like look at something online and think negatively? Like, I never, never, never. Every time I'm online and I find myself saying mean things in my head about other people online or that I'm jealous, I'm like, it's literally just because they're pulling an insecurity of my own. It has more to do with you than them. And would you ever even dream of being like, okay, I'm going to go home, get a burner, and
And then I'm going to go comment on it. Never. In what world? Not in my world. The less social media my future boyfriend has, the happier I will be. Yeah, it's a dangerous world out there. So Alex, I want to know about your weekend. My weekend was great. I went home. We both went home. Because we haven't seen each other for about a week. Yeah, we were gone with the wind. I was in the south.
I was also in the South. You were in the South. I still can't get over Florida being Southern. I, of course, know geographically it's in the South, but it doesn't exude Southern. Yeah, yeah. Florida should be its own country. What I did do on Friday night was I had a glass of wine. One? Two. Two glasses of wine. What kind? Just Grey Mordor. Just some white wine. It wasn't even a Savion Blanc or Sincerre? I don't even know what it was.
I think it was Sauvignon Blanc. Okay, good, good. How was it? How did you feel? It was fine. I didn't feel... I felt fine. I felt completely nothing, like...
I did it because I'm leaving next week. Yes, we need to talk about that. I'm going on Barstool vs. America. The cast was released last night. So I'm gone for two weeks. Alex is leaving me for two weeks. I'm gone with the wind yet again. Like truly leave. Like I won't be able to speak to you. I don't think. No, I'm on like a five city road trip where we'd like I'll be driving. You live on a bus travel from like Tampa, Nashville, Madison, Wisconsin, Boston, Chicago.
Is that right? Yeah. Well, that's not a state that you just said. What do you say? Wisconsin. Wisconsin? Yes. West Con... Wisconsin. Wisconsin. I see that. I do see that one. Um...
So I'm going to be gone and it's sponsored by High Noon. And I'm like, it's going to be a lot of fun. But I'm like, if I drink there, I don't need this to be like my first drink of alcohol in two months. So I should rip the bandaid off before. I was with my best friend and her husband. So I'm like, perfect time to do it at dinner. And she just like doesn't ever care. And she's just like, yeah, perfect. So I was like, okay, I'm going to have wine. And she was like, oh, okay, you might feel it.
And I did, but I was like, fine. That's fun. Yeah, so it was fun. I know. I'm excited for you. Anyone listening, don't worry. We're going to have MGP episodes still releasing, but they're going to look a little different. Okay, how was home for you? It was good. My parents moved to Florida two months ago, and...
Let me just say it is very nice going to a warmer place versus Minnesota right now because I think they're having like snowstorms. I don't do well in the heat. I'm just a very hot individual. I run very hot on a daily basis. So I struggle a bit with the heat, but I would rather be in sunshine and
degree weather than snowstorms any day of the week you do run hot i run so hot i'm always warm it's um it's a i got off birth control side effect though because i never used to be like this yeah how was getting off birth control good i've been off it for a month or a year so i was like wow every guy listening is probably like what she did what ted lasso's like excuse me
I can't wait to ask you. So you posted a photo while you were home with a cute, handsome man. And people were like, is that Ted? Because last week, remember, we learned Jordan got lip filler and got laid with Ted Lasso. I thought you were saying Ted Lasso because I love Ted Lasso. I know. I'm like imagining like...
Just say Ted. Ted. Teddy. No, so that was my brother. Ladies, he is 28 and single. Handsome. Very handsome. Lives in San Francisco. But no, that was my brother. I was with my whole family over the weekend. Saying rough. So does Ted... Did Ted text you while you were home? Um...
Yeah, we've been chatting a bit. I don't think Ted's interested. What? Wait, why? Wait, why not? I don't know. I just, from the vibe I get from him, I'm like, so the way, so I'm a bad texter. Okay. I just don't like to do it. But if I am interested in someone, I will put in the effort because if they wanted to, they would.
And I feel like during our text conversation, I was putting in the effort. But the text I was receiving, I was just, you know, you get that vibe like this person doesn't want to talk to me. Right. They were like more one words. They weren't full conversation starters. But it was weird because every time I would one word back to kind of get the vibe, I'm like, well, I'm just one word. I'm back to see if he responds. He would respond with another topic. So I don't know. That's.
Not easy. Yeah, so I'm not going to read into it. What? Do you like talking to him?
Well, based off of the way he's been texting, no, because I'm just getting really stressed and overwhelmed. But I was fully invested, like interested in him, not in a serious way, just I don't come across a lot of human beings that I enjoy their presence. So when I enjoyed his, I was like, yeah, I'll continue to chat. I also threw it out there that,
For him to come visit New York because it's shoot your shot season. And he just hearted the message and then changed the subject. So I'm just going to go on a limb and say he's not interested in me. He hearted the message and changed the subject? Yeah. Not for nothing. I mean, I know guys are not always the smartest. No, that was smart. No, I think he knew it. I think he thought about that. That was methodical.
So, yeah. Okay. Since you slept, since you hadn't slept with anybody since we started the pod, then you met Ted, slept with him back-to-back nights. How are you? I didn't have sex with him back-to-back nights. Okay, just one night. Yeah. Had a sleepover twice. How are you in terms of that? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Doesn't bother you? No. Okay, great. I don't.
really remember the sex part so it doesn't affect me too much because I know in the beginning of the pod I was like I don't like to have sex with people because I don't like to it hurts more when they ghost that's so that more so plays into effect when you meet someone more in a sober organic fashion I haven't had sober sex since 2019 and
And I would love to try it. I heard it's great. It's awesome. But I do think there's a component of the sober sex thing. Do you want to try it with a guy that you like don't really know? No, that I like. Oh. That I like. No, I think that's why I don't have sober sex because I need to be comfortable with the guy and I haven't been comfortable with a guy and liked a guy organically in so long. COVID plays a large effect, by the way. I'm not just out here.
isolating myself from the population we had two years of COVID right um but yeah I feel like if I'm dating a guy let's say we go on three four dates in that case I don't like to jump into bed with them because it's like okay if I'm going on this many dates do I like you I want to
make sure that once I become vulnerable with you, you're going to stick around because then it would hurt if they ghosted me. But where it's like a drunk hookup, that doesn't affect me too much. But you're really afraid of this ghosting to happen like five or six dates in. Like you're afraid. I didn't realize how afraid you were. No, this morning you're like, you're really afraid. What are you? Why? Yeah. So I don't like talking to the opposite sex often.
when it comes to feelings, because I, whenever I have a guy that I like, my life is always stressed. I always feel anxious. Like when there's no guy involved, life is great. Life is a breeze. Life is carefree. But as soon as I like a guy and I'm talking to them, I feel anxious and life just, it affects my mood so much. But yeah, it's what you want.
What do you mean by that? To talk to a guy. I would love to find a guy. If you found one that you liked enough, would you be willing to let the wall down? So I think if I found somebody that was my person, there wouldn't need to be a wall that would go up or down. I think it would just be easy. I've been told when you find the right person, it's simple and easy. Who on earth told you that?
Alex! It is so hard when you find... It's hard not in a wall way, but it's definitely not easy.
No, I mean, I don't think I'd be my anxious, crazy self. I feel like when I find somebody I like, I'm not going to be second guessing myself and them all the time. I don't know. I think it would be exactly like this job, which is you are, I think, I believe you're, I am anxious in this job. You feel crazy in this job, but you know that you love it and you're never going to leave it. Yeah. So it's like worth all the anxiety and all the...
crazy nights, like if there's tears, whatever, that's all worth it because you love it. Yeah. It's your passion. But if you were in corporate insurance, you would never deal with anxiety because you're like, I hate this. That's true. But I'm, oh, that's a good point. But I'm not sitting here. If when I like a guy, I don't, I hope that I'm not going to be sitting here throughout our beginning stages, always wondering if they like me back.
No, that part should be gone. That's what I'm saying. That's the simple part. I don't need to be anxious and wondering if they like me back, if they're ever going to text me again. When are we going to see each other? That's the part where I'm like... So if they like you back, but you have to deal with the whole walls coming down thing, you're down to deal with it if you know they like you back and you like them. Yeah, if it's a stable, reciprocated relationship,
not relationship that's a scary word thing yeah I am so willing to bring the walls down like I told myself like when the right person comes along I think those walls will be easier to push down okay so let's did you want a second date with my friend you said you were gonna go on a second date no I didn't end up going on a second date okay so no second date with him so when's the next date in general yeah
Oh, boy. I don't know. Don't know. Okay. So I decided I'm on a quest to find a casual fling for the summer. I've never had a summer fling. Love. Love. I think you could have multiple flings.
I would love that. I've never dated more than one person before. So that would be interesting to try out. That might be really good for you. As your doctor, I might prescribe you that medicine to date more than one person. It wouldn't be dating. It would be flinging. Flinging. Because you would never want to date two people. No. You could fling simultaneously beside each other. I would like that. That'd be cool. I've never experienced that. I've dated multiple people where it comes like going on dating apps, but I've never juggled more than one guy in my life.
I also would love a Summer Flings because I do want to have casual sex with somebody that I like. Casual sex season? I would. Would you do with the Short King? Sure. No. Shoot your shot, Short Kings. I don't want to be... I hate being that person because I'm working on myself where I'm like, I'm going to turn the short guy down. But there's just something about a tall guy. I feel small. I've talked about this like...
You know, we're all their insecurities. And when there's a guy taller than you and you feel small, there's nothing better. I do completely agree with that. So let's find you some flings. Yeah. No, I love that. I don't think that's a bad thing either. Like if you're in the dating game, you're...
I think if you're scared of getting hurt, it's a good thing to do. Maybe kind of talk to two guys harmlessly. Yeah. I just really want a casual thing like for the sober sex. I want to experience sex that just like rocks my world. My world has not been rocked in a very, very long time. And I just want that. Would that have to be a short five-incher that they knew how to use it in order to rock your world? Or is there no stipulations on rocking your world? As long as they know how to use it, it can be...
or above. Define rocking your world. What does that mean? Like, you know, when you have sex with someone and you, it's to the point where you would rather have sex with them than just do it on your own. Oh yeah. Like, or you, you have sex with them and you're like, holy shit. Like that was, that was, you're kind of speechless. Do you do it on your own a lot? I mean, is it like a number per week?
I'll guess. One, three. This is where I literally cringe because I'm like, if my family or anyone I know is listening, I want to throw up. Well, we're far enough into the episode that maybe they've stopped listening or you could text them and say, absolutely not. I do it on a regular basis. I think it's part of her morning routine. Is it? Yes.
No, that's the one thing I'm not routined with. I think it might be part of it. No, it's not. I don't have time in the morning, Alex. Do not lie under oath on this podcast. You know how psychotic I am in the morning. When would I fit that in? It's your stress reliever. No pun intended. How long is the thing? Have you measured it? Oh, okay. Let me just answer one question at a time. Okay. Okay. Which one would you like to do first? Number per week.
I do it very frequently. Give us a number. There are seven days. Four to five. That's a pretty good amount. I'm also a very horny individual. Good to know. And I don't have a list of guys I'm talking to. Do you do it in the morning or the night? Usually the evening. I hate my life right now. Same. I don't want to be here either. How often do you do it? Because you have a husband. Oh, often. Do you do it with him or by yourself? With him always. Always.
Um, probably like probably also four to five. Yeah. Yeah. How often if it's okay, if I ask how often do you and grandma have sex? I just answered four to five. Okay. So you're having four to five times four to five sexes a week. Four to five. Four to five sexes a week. Yes. Now my family can't listen. I know. Right. My mom brought something up about that episode last week. I was like, Jesus, take the fucking wheel and kill me. Wow. Yeah. Hold on. What's what's your dildo look like?
um i don't use a dildo what do you use i use a vibrator i was afraid i was very afraid you were gonna say your fingers and i was like i have to leave i'm more external than internal for simulation oh okay i'm an external gal an external gal okay like i know how like i know how i'm going to get off and it's not going to be from internal by itself how long does it take you
Honestly, I've mastered it. I can do it in a few minutes. You're an efficient lady. I'm a very... I have... I don't have a lot of time on my hands, okay? So I can get it done very, very quickly. Now, if a guy's involved, it's going to take a lot longer because there's not a lot of guys out here who know what they're doing. At least that I've had sex with. You don't orgasm often. No, no, I do because I know how to do it. With guys. With guys.
Well, if Ted's gone, did he make you orgasm? Alex, let's be real. I barely remember that whole night. Oh, okay. No, I don't think, is it possible to have an orgasm when you're drunk as can be? I don't even know if your body works anymore. I think so. I haven't had sex that much in two years. Right. I've literally had sex maybe four times in two years, four or five times. Wait, sorry, it's 2022. I've had sex four times in two years.
What? Sorry, let me rephrase that. I've had sex with four different guys in two years. Well, how many times? Four guys, four times? Okay, so it's 2022. Let me think. So 2020 hit. Five. Five guys. Five guys, how many times? Six guys. Six guys. Six guys. Promise? Promise, yes. It's okay if it goes to seven. No, it's been six. Six guys. Four, five, five. Sorry, five.
Dude, what's the number? One of the guys, we didn't have sex. Oh, okay. It was everything but sex. So five guys? Five guys, yeah. Five guys in two years. Two years. Wow. So this summer, what's the goal? Oh my God, I'm lying. It's four. Final answer. For sure four. For sure four. Okay, it's not two, it's four. Okay, we're going back. Sorry for the short break where I had to think. It's been four people in two years. I'm getting 2019 and 2020 mixed up. Oh, what's the number?
Did it go up or down? Down. Two guys? Two guys. Two. You've had sex with two guys in two years? Yes. How many times have you had sex in the past two years? Oh my God. Jesus Christ. That'll be two years in August, okay? A year and a half. They were both one and done, and it was two times total. Yeah. Throughout. 365 times two? It'll be 365 times two in August. Wow. Wow.
My life just got really depressing. Yeah. Oh, my God. What's the goal for the summer? Like, have sex with 20 guys. Okay. I think you, like, deserve that. Like, oh, my God. Okay. So let me just preface. I have made out with plenty of guys, but I guess I've only had sex with two guys and three, two or three guys. I can't remember. My 2019, 2020 are getting really mixed up for me. Sorry, 2021 and 2020. No, no, 2019. Yeah.
Two or three guys. Did you take them both back to your place? Or we know Ted came to yours. What about the other guy? All of them have been in New York. I didn't have sex with anyone in Minnesota in 2020 or 2021. I did not speak to another guy. Well, I did talk to guys, but I didn't have a relationship at all with anyone. It was like a few dates. Talked to a guy. I met a guy in a different state. Talked for like a month. Went on a few dates. But I didn't talk to anyone for 2020 or 2021.
Sorry, 2020 up until I moved to New York in 2021. I don't know what to say. Yeah, I know. I'm a little...
Mind blown. You got to have the, you're calling it shoot your shot summer? Shoot your shot season, casual sex season, spicy season. I'm calling it all of the above. What's spicy season? Wait, that's why I also don't want to be single because I feel like for two years I was in a relationship with myself. Yeah, I bet so. I think you probably really want a relationship. No, no, no, no, no, no. Opposite. You don't want a relationship. I don't want a relationship. I feel like for two years I was in a relationship with myself. For now, I want to be single with myself. How are you in a relationship with yourself? I didn't.
Touch a man for two years, Alex. Oh, no. You don't want a relationship now, but you want to go out and have fling. Yes. I want to go out and experience casual sex season. You now more than ever have to kind of go fling with two guys. Yeah. Two very different guys. Yeah. And have a lot of fun. You ought to have fun. Yeah. Yeah. If Ted liked me, he could have came and we could have had sex. I don't want to think serious. Yeah.
This podcast is flipped. Now if they're listening to the podcast, they're going to be like, pick me. I am so in. No, let's quick talk about casual sexies. I know, it's so funny too because so many people will DM and be like, Jordan's a slut. Or you are just like all this dick. Someone was like...
Said something about getting dick, and I'm like, if you only knew. Okay, so in summary, your summer looks like you having a lot of fun, couple flings here and there. Casual sex season. Major. Which, let me just preface, you don't have to be single for casual sex season. You do not. You can absolutely be married. Or dating somebody. Yeah, and also casual sex season doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. It can be making out with guys on the dance floor. It could be bringing guys home and just fooling around. It could be...
Other things. It doesn't have to be actually sex. So it's like casual fool around season? Yeah, casual fling season. Love. And you can be married, which how do you have casual sex season when you're married? I feel like, okay, I think everybody gets happier when it's like spring and summer. Right? Like things automatically shift. Maybe you travel a little bit more. But I always think...
I guess, okay, how does casual sex season apply to a marriage? I would say for us, it probably applies like mixing things up. So it doesn't always have to be at night. It could be fun times during the day. Yeah, when do you guys have sex? Depends. It just depends. Graham's really good at mixing it up.
Really? Yeah. I love that. Yeah, it's fun. It wasn't always that way, though. Like, the first year of marriage, I think we, like, thought we would just, hmm. Okay. Okay. This is what it is. Implementing the way when you first meet, like, those first two years of sex is, like, so fun. And, like, you can't get enough of each other. But, like, I think we just assumed that would die when we got married. And then I remember one day we looked at each other and we were like,
why have we like put sex in this box, which neither of us wanted to be in? And he was like, I've been thinking that. And I'm like, we're acting like we've been married for 50 years and we're like bored. And he was like, same. And I was like, okay, no more of that. And then he did a really good job. He just like flipped a switch. And like, we got back to the way that we loved having sex or like loving each other, I guess you call it. And then it just got so much more
and flirty. It's flirty. Like we, he, Graham is a flirt still till this day. And so that's really nice. Like I think people think when you're married, it like dies. People think when you're married, you have to end all of the fun stuff. No, it actually gets more fun. So you remember last week when we were doing me girl content, how I told you, I think one of my biggest fears about getting into a relationship and getting married is that like the sex ends, the fun ends. And you were like, no, it doesn't. I,
I think that's my biggest fear is I'm going to date somebody and then the excitement's going to fizzle out or like that you have for one another is going to fizzle out or the sex is going to fizzle out. Okay, there's this moment and it's like, okay, honeymoon phase. And honeymoon phase applies to when you're dating and then when you get married.
Because there's something about you taking on their last name, which is very much so a honeymoon phase. Mm-hmm. I'm not doing that. Or, I guess, the act of wearing a white dress. I'm not doing that either. Okay, it's going to be very difficult to explain this for the people that are. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Continue, I will. Jordan's like, I'm wearing a black dress and not taking their last name. For those that want to get traditionally married, or even not, I guess. Yes. Any act of, though, getting married. So it's like, okay, honeymoon phase, and then you get married.
And then the honeymoon phase happens again. And you think then after the honeymoon phase ends, like you crash and burn and it's terrible. It doesn't happen. It gets better. I don't know how to explain it, but the butterflies and all that kind of leave. And then you just realize, oh my gosh, I have somebody to call for anything. Like if anything happens in my life, I have my person and like, you're both there for each other constantly. And like,
You get in this routine and it sort of takes the pressure off and it's like the best feeling in the world. It's hard to describe, but it's better than the honeymoon phase. But you shouldn't be afraid of it. It's like, you know, I'm excited. Yeah. You get over this hump and then you're like, holy shit. So it's me and you, right? Like flying back with him last night, we just were like locked arms and I'm usually not very pro PDA. And I just looked at him and I was like, always you. Like, I'm always going to go home with you for Easter. That just made my heart. I'm going to start crying. You know, but you know what I mean? It's always you. It's always been.
But I'm like, it's always going to be you. And he's like, hell yeah. And I'm like, okay, sweet. I love that. So then you can just get rid of all the honeymoon, this, that. And you're like, this is life. Like going home and sitting on the couch is just as exciting as anything else. Okay, Alex, like what would you give? What kind of advice would you give to people that are married, dating, living together to keep it spicy this summer? Would you call it casual sex season? Yes. But for married slash committed relationship people?
Okay, I think the first thing is if you're not having spicy sex right now, it is not too late to start. Like that's the beauty of a long-term relationship is you can just start whenever you want. You can be like, fuck it. Today's the day. You and I, because it's not awkward between the two of you, we're going to spice things up and then he'll, trust me, he or she is not going to be like, no. Wait, can I ask you a question? Yeah. It's just burning in my head. What? What?
Do you guys use dildos? No. Okay. Because when you said that to me, I was like, wait, does Alex use a dildo? So do you guys use a vibrator? No. We just use each other? You don't use toys? Interesting. We used to. Like, we used to use toys, but then we were like, I just like doing...
Do you guys do different positions? Yes, that's what I was going to say. There's apps where you can get, Graham has the app, so I don't know the name, but you can get different positions and then you like find your favorite positions. That's the best. What's your favorite position?
I just love being on top. Like that is my, that's my go to. It's like missionary. Yes. Which is fine. That's mine too. So I'm no shame. Graham's is the different where it's like behind. Doggy style. Love that. Of course. That's literally every guy. Every guy is like, I love doggy style. Every girl is like on top missionary. Yeah. And then this reminds me of another thing.
When I got married, I didn't want lingerie at all. I was like, I don't need it. But he started, he'll buy cute little lingerie sets. And that's a way for him to keep it spicy. And will he just surprise them? Literally, he'll just put it on the bed. And I'll come home and I'll be like, oh my god. And he'll be like, I think it'd be cute on you. And I'm like, okay. And then you put it on and you guys have sex? Yeah.
It's a fun little like, like I never saw that coming, but that's evolved recently. Do I said morning sex? Sometimes. I'm so intrigued now. I mean, literally my, what I thought about married couples was they don't touch each other. So I'm like, wow, you're a married couple who enjoys having sex with another. There's hope out there for all of us. Yes. All these things that I'm saying are from experience. Like we used to only do it at night and then we started mixing it up and it became like way more fun.
I don't know why it became more fun. Well, routine, I feel like can hurt a relationship. Yeah, and then you get in bed and you expect it. But sometimes you're exhausted at night, but you have so much energy in the morning. So it's like sex isn't one of those things that has to be at a certain time of night or day. It could be whenever you want, like whenever you're feeling it. So just in general, are you more of a morning? Wait, I like to have sex more in the morning or I like to have sex more in the evening type of girl?
Evening on the weekdays, but on the weekends, morning I think is so fun. I know why I don't like morning sexiness because when I wake up, my mind is going a mile a minute. My head is in my head where at night I'm finally relaxed and my head is down there. I do think it would be cool to do like
7 p.m. Yes. Doesn't have to be like before you go to bed. No, I agree. Anytime after 5 o'clock. Yeah, I like that. Nice glass of wine. I'm going to try that. God, there's so many things I would like to do if there was a boy in my life. I mean, there's so many things I want to experiment with. I haven't done in so long. I've not had a consistent relationship with 2019. Okay, you guys, give me a break.
What's wrong with that? I just want some consistency this summer. I just want to experiment. I just want to have good sex. You got to sow your oats. What? You got to like get it out. Get the wild stuff out. I've never heard that expression before. Did you say sow your oats? Sow your wild oats? Never use sow with sex. That sounds so like country. It might be. It might be. Is it country? It sounds like become a virgin again. Sow your oats? No. It means like get the wild stuff out. Like oh she sowed her oats.
Got it out. Got out of her system. No? No. Thank you. Me and my friends call it Rum Springer.
That's what Amish people do when they are trying to see if they want to leave the... I actually need a rumspringa before I get into a relationship. That's actually so valid. Wait, what is it? So when Amish people... Most of my friends in college and from high school, my high school friends, in college we still were with our high school boyfriends, serious boyfriends. And we all broke up with them around the same time to rumspringa.
To see if like, so what Amish people, when they live like in the countryside in their communities, they go on a rump springer into the modern, like our world, like New York City to see if they want to come over with us or go back to the Amish. And they go crazy. Do you know what I'm saying? They go nuts. And at the end of it, they had to choose like, am I going to stay in my faith or am I going to go crazy? Yeah.
Forever. So it's called the Rum Springer. You know why? I'm going to have a Rum Springer summer. I don't... Am I... Rum Springer. I think it's Rum Springer. Rum Springer. Rum Springer. I'm going to have a Rum Springer summer because I actually do think I... I have been single for a long time, but I haven't had a long-term crazy period. I have spurts. I go every, like, few months. I'll have, like, a few crazy nights and I'll go back into my shell. I need a full-blown crazy season of...
To the point where I have it all out of my system. Yes, I love that. Yeah, I love that too. Love. We're going to go crazy until Labor Day.
okay until labor the summer until no you mean like the end of the summer yeah like labor day okay labor day of next year um or the whenever the end of the summer in september yeah i'm gonna go crazy until after the wedding actually love it jordan's going to a wedding with me in cape cod oh that's so fun i know one of the guys like heard the podcast was like i want to take her yeah and i was down see
Guys, some guys can be cool with the podcast. That's so fun. Right? So it's like amazing. When is the wedding? I don't know. September? Can you give me the actual date? September 17th? Sorry, Jason. I follow Jason on Instagram now. So we're buds. Ask him. He'll give you the date. No, but that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to have a crazy rumspringer season. And then after the wedding...
I will settle down. I love Rumspringer. It's so funny. Because at the end, you have to choose. You have to make a choice. Like, am I going to continue this life or am I going to go back to my old life? So Labor Day will be like, do you want to continue this life or do you want to go back to two sex, two years? Jordan. No, I'm going to say, do I want to continue this crazy life or am I ready to go back to
and have a good, healthy, spontaneous relationship with one person. Is this that? Are you currently having that? No. What? No. Never mind. No, I'm not talking to anyone right now. So you wouldn't be going back to it, though? Well, I know, but in Rumspringer, they go back. So I had to figure out a way to be like, I'm going back. Okay, to the other side. Okay. Going into a relationship, because I've been in a relationship before. Okay.
But it's going to be a good, healthy, spontaneous one with crazy sex all the time. Hell yeah. You can only go up from here. Yes. Like I said, I do really want to try to be single for a full year in New York. And that's just me wanting to experience it single. So I think this summer could be a lot of fun if I find a casual fling. I just don't know what's going to change. It's been so hard for me to find one so far in 26 years of life. So...
What's going to change? Something. It takes one moment. That's true. It takes one time of being in the right place, right time. I'm also more confident than I used to be. I'm also, my standards aren't as strict as they used to be. Not nearly. I'm in a city with different people. The mecca of boys, I think. And I'm going to have an open mind going into the summer. And I think the summer in New York, I don't know, I've never lived here for one, but I think it's...
Quite fun. I don't know. Yeah, I'm excited. I just, I need that. I need that in my life. I need that physical touch. Revenge travel season, but it's also revenge date season. Yes. And casual sex season. Yeah, casual sex season. Shoot your shot. That's what I was going to say. Shoot your shot season. Because, okay, I hate to keep bringing it back to Ted, but he's just the last guy I've spoken to.
But you think six months ago I would have asked the guy if he wants to visit me? No, I would have just been like, I'm too scared. I don't want to know what he's going to say. Who fucking cares? I was just like, I just laid it out there. I was like, or you could come visit me.
I do think that's probably smart because you kind of get rid of the mind games. Yeah. And if you actually wanted him to come visit you and you put it out there in the world, then you can see how he responds and he'll tell you a lot about a person and how they feel about you. Yeah. Like, it's not that serious. Literally, just shoot your shot. What do you have to lose other than the person saying no? And that person saying no...
why does that affect us? I know what people are thinking though and what they have to lose. Okay, what about the scenario where somebody's talking to somebody and they think in their minds, you don't do this. Some girls think that this is the one or like they're so obsessed with the guy. That's why they're afraid to shoot the shot.
But this way you can find out early on if they are the one or not. If they aren't, they're going to say no. If they are, someone tweeted something at me. This doesn't happen too often where I'm like, that was a nice tweet. And I can't remember what my tweet was. I think it was, it was just a generic tweet. It wasn't about anyone, but it was like, why whenever I like someone, they never like me back. And someone tweeted, they're like, Jordan, that's just the universe's way of telling you they're not the one.
Yeah, that's absolutely true. So if you shoot your shot with someone, someone DM me too, they're like, this girl ghosted me. Should I DM her or should I text her again? I'm like, yeah, why not? Like, if she ghosts you again, she's not the one. But what if she ghosted you because of something going on in her brain? You text her and you end up marrying that girl. Yeah, but it's like that thing of those people that would rather stay an addict than they would be happy. It's like they get...
I'm just speaking. I'm no, no, no. I agree with you. You know, I'm like, there are those girls or those guys that are like, but I love him. We're like, I'm so obsessed with him. And it's like, if you just, I lived my life like that for too long. I know that's, I also did this one time. And so I remember the pain. It's so painful. I think the thing is, if it's them, they'll show you. Yes. I'm not, my biggest fear in life is dying with regret. I'm not going to have any regrets in a month. I'm not going to have any regrets in a month.
At least I know that I put myself out there and did everything I could have done to see if that person would like me back versus in a month I'm like, ooh, X, Y, and Z and I stopped talking but I didn't really do anything to see if he liked me back. I just kind of sat in the corner and waited around. It's like, no! I'm not waiting around anymore. This is my life. It's not that serious. I could die tomorrow like I said last week. I'm just shooting my shot. I have nothing to lose. You have nothing to lose but that's like exactly the mentality that the people...
You and I both know how it feels. I felt it in high school. Oh, I lived my life like this up until about six months ago. It's burned inside of me. And I'm like, oh, I'll never forget because I think about the time when I tried to explain this to my daughter. You think he's the one? Like if I have a daughter and I try to explain it to her. You have a daughter? Alex Bennett! I'm a mom. She's seven years old and lives in Oklahoma. My parents take care of her. No. Seriously.
No, I think about the day, though, that I want to tell her, you're so obsessed with this guy. You think he's the one who gives you crippling anxiety and you can't imagine living life without him. That's not your guy. No. You're going to learn it today, listening to this, or you're going to learn it in one year. A guy that you like should not... Butterflies, I've learned, are not healthy. Butterflies equal anxiety. You know what I mean? I know you should feel excitement, but the butterflies that we all want because we're like, well, I don't really feel with that guy. It's like...
Because that guy's normal and he's not giving you anything to be anxious about, okay? That's why you don't have that crippling butterfly feeling.
Haven't you ever learned that like in therapy? No. Oh, so you know how you experience those gut-wrenching butterflies when you like someone for the first time or when you're about to hang out with them? Well, actually, that's your body showing you you have severe anxiety about that person because they're giving you something to be anxious about. The person that you like can give you that like fun, happy feeling inside, but they shouldn't be giving you anxiety.
Oh, what about when they're tech, like a text from them pops up on your phone? That's different. That's not like, Oh my God, I feel sick to my stomach anxiety. I'm so excited to see them. It's like the, Oh, like happy anxieties. I do know. I do know the sick to your stomach anxiety. Okay. And that's your body's like telling you like, no, no, no, we don't want to do this. Yeah. Well, that's just your body telling you like they're giving you something to be anxious about. Like you shouldn't have that in a relationship. That's not healthy. I don't think you should have that ever. No,
You know what? Your goal for this summer, we know your goal. My goal for this summer is going to be no anxiety. Yeah. Don't do things that make me anxious. Yesterday on the plane home, the sunset was gorgeous. And I was just like, you know what? I'm literally flying back to New York City, a place that I love. The sunset is insane. And I'm letting...
a guy that's not texting you back affect my day? It's not that serious. I shot my shot and I was shot down. I was rejected and that's fine. But it's nice now that you know, you know that. Yeah, I know I'm not wasting my time. We're not continuing this text chain for two more weeks where I'm like, maybe, maybe not. You might like me. It's like,
No, he doesn't like me. He just told you when he liked the text. Yeah. Based off of his text tone, he wants nothing to fucking do with me. And that's fine. Yeah. Honestly, thank you, Ted. You being in New York, but this goes for anybody, anywhere. There are so many guys.
So many girls. So many guys. So many people you can be compatible with. Do not waste your time on one that doesn't like you the way that you like them. Exactly. Do not waste your time. It's terrible. Exactly. Yeah, no. So that's why shoot your shot season is huge in my head because I'm like, what do I have to fucking lose? I've lost so much already.
We'll reconvene on Labor Day and see how it went. I know. I hope to have a fling by then. I would love that. Can I quick tell you about what I saw walking down the street the other day? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So obviously I love boys a lot.
No. And I just have a few tips for them. Oh, what are they? So I was walking down the street in New York the other day and this guy walked past me and I didn't really think twice until he got up in front of me and he was wearing Lululemon joggers or Lululemon pants, sorry, rolled up. Okay. And they fit his butt so well. Like his butt.
Just like a luscious butt was sitting in front of me while I was walking in front of me while I was walking. And I literally just thought, please never walk not in front of me because I could stare at you all day. But like he wasn't the cutest guy in the world. But those Lululemon ABC pants just did him so dirty, but in a good way, not in a bad way. And I want you to tell guys, like, buy the Lululemon ABC pants and roll them up.
Or bird dogs because I'm pretty sure bird dogs have knockoff ABC pants. Yes, bird dogs are great. And smell nice. Okay. I've realized if I'm talking to a guy, if a guy approached me at the bar and he's not that good looking, but if he smells good, I could talk to you all day. Okay. Wait, what if he's dressed nice too?
I think the way a guy dresses can cancel out so many things. Well, it's because it's like their confidence. Yeah, and they know how to dress. Wait, feel good. What is this saying? Look good, feel good? Yeah, look good, feel good. Yeah. But do you know what I mean, though? When a guy smells good, it is just, I'm taken aback. Because a lot of guys our age don't wear cologne. I don't know if you noticed that. I know Graham does, because I did ask him one time what he was wearing.
But not that often, and every time he does, I absolutely notice it. Like, whenever I say this to guys, my brother included, they'll be like, it doesn't really matter, girls don't care. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. Someone smelling nice is the biggest turn-on in the entire world. Makes you more memorable, too. It does, because, so my first boyfriend in high school smelled so good, and I will smell his cologne sometimes still to this day, and I'm like...
Went back in ninth grade? Wait a second. I'm just kidding. Jared, where are you? But like the smell is such a big memory thing for me. So like, for example, I've laid with, like I've been close to a guy before and I'll smell a smell that I've smelled in a different guy and it makes me remember the other guy. That's so true. No guy ever smelled good and then it didn't get commented on. Like if you were describing a guy to me, you could be like, he smelled so good. Like that would be major. Yeah.
Go out and buy Creed or Polo Blue and let me tell you, no girl will be turning away from you if you're dressed nice and smell good. Gucci Guilty. Gucci Guilty is a good one. I've never smelled that. God, that's a great name for a cologne. Is that what Mike wears? No. Mike, he wears a cologne I bought him that was like
I don't know the name of it. I forget the name. I got it at like a boutique, but Gucci Guilty I love. Gucci Guilty, baby. Creed's my current favorite right now. I melt in my pants when I smell Creed on a guy. Really? Wait, what does Graham wear?
I feel like he... That's so weird. Grandma's Creed. No, I'm just kidding. I feel like he did have that on. Or he wore something similar and I asked him and that's why I said Creed's my favorite. But I don't know. It's something similar. But a guy I was talking to, he had Creed on. Let me tell you. He was not the cutest guy in the world, but I continued that conversation. Any guy. There are things you can control and that's what you wear and what you put on, clothing-wise. So it's like...
um that um also throw away boxers if there's any guy listening to this episode you wear boxers throw them away right now and go buy some boxer briefs okay like are the briefs the tighter ones i think so yeah grand wears those right yes yes yes absolutely i was like what are the tight ones i will tell you if i am hooking up the guy and he's wearing boxers i'm throwing him out really you feel that passionately about it
Yes! Really? If he's well-dressed and has on Creed clone. I guess it is kind of immature. Yeah. Wait, why? And it's not hot either. It's not hot. It's not hot. Baggy boxers? Are we 19? Okay, okay, okay. I didn't know the purpose of them. I love, I love when guys have like tight boxer briefs on and like they have like a pretty fit stomach and you can see like their skin roll over the top of the boxer briefs.
No, I actually... You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, you do too. I can paint that picture. Yeah, I'm obviously very horny. I'm getting my period soon and this is a horny week for Jordan when she's about to get her period. My dreams lately have been literally sex dreams over and over and over again. I'm like, I need to get laid in a sober way. Have you ever gotten the vibrator out in the middle of the night? Yeah, I actually have. Oh yeah, I have, baby. I...
Yeah, I'm very horny right now. Currently at this moment. Now I am. And... A lot of guys here. Take that back right now. I take it back right now. It's back. We don't have work relationships, Alex. No, but in the building. I'm pretty sure everyone in this building is our co-worker. We're in like a 20-story building. I've never seen anyone except people working at Barstool here. What? I take the stairs. I don't take the elevator. Oh. Just in the lobby? Yeah.
No. What? This place is popping with people. There's like 10, maybe 15 floors here. I've never seen anyone. 24? There's 20. I pressed 16 today. Maybe I should assume that they work upstairs. I'm like, yeah, they're probably upstairs. The building down there is always like young, well-dressed people. What? Yeah. It's like one block. Midtown at 4 p.m. Let me just tell you. No, Jordan, you have to come to the financial district after work.
I believe every word of that. You have no idea where...
By where I live, it's out of control. Wait, Alana. There's a bar in the marina on the water. Alana. Jordan, please, please. Can we do that? Yes. What day of the week? I don't know. Maybe Thursday so you get crazy after. Thursday night. You have no idea. We're doing that. I know we're kind of anti-finance, bro, but they look good in their little suits. 60 on Thursday. I'm getting hot just thinking about it.
That would actually be so fun. Yeah, it would be fun. Wow, I'm so excited. Man, that's well-dressed. That smells good. That doesn't listen to the podcast. Yeah, that's something, too. I always have that in the back of my mind. I'm like... He's out there. He shouldn't care. The right one won't care. Well, not to make it...
Not to make it all about Ted. But like I said, he's the only guy that I'm... Whatever guy I'm currently talking about, that's what's going to be spoken about. Yeah. I always wonder. I'm like, okay, if I didn't have a podcast, would things be different? Which at the end of the day, I don't care. My career comes first. I'll find a guy who has no problem because they're so confident. Or maybe it's not even a common thing. Maybe they just don't want their life put out there, which is fine. I respect it. But I always think about that in the back of my mind. I'm like, things were fine texting up until that podcast episode dropped. Yeah.
That's too soon to tell though because that was like three days. Yeah. Right. But that's me just getting in my head. Yeah. Yeah. It will work. The stars will align for you. There's plenty of podcasters out there who talk about their lives who have boyfriends and husbands. I mean, you're one of them. Yeah. Mine doesn't care. Doesn't care at all. So yeah. So guys, if you're listening, please do us all a favor and go buy a pair of Lululemon pants. Roll them up.
Buy some Creed or what was it? Gucci Guilty. Gucci Guilty. Do you have a preference? No idea. Hers will be polo blue. Throw away those boxers. Go get some boxer briefs and then just be confident. Not cocky. Confident. And you will get any girl this summer for shoot your shot season, spicy season, and casual sex season. Love it. Um,
Oh, let me do it this time. Oh, okay. Like, comment, subscribe. Follow us on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. Subscribe on the YouTube channel and rate us five stars or four. I'm just kidding. Only five on Spotify and Apple. Is that right? I'm so proud of you. Thank you. That was so good. And we'll see you next week with a single episode. I'm doing a single episode next week. Have fun. I'll miss you. I'll miss you so much.
