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I'm just going, should I? Obviously it's thicker than that. This is why you need to be watching on YouTube. We're giving Sharpies handjobs right now, okay? So better go over to YouTube and watch it. We are not Jordanists. There are three of us in here and one of us is giving the Sharpie a handjob. Wow, that's a great clap. I'm impressed.
And on that note, AV hit us with the current events. Okay, so our guy Elon is so back. He never left. He's just back in a bigger way. Okay, so last week the current event was that he might start his own social media platform because he thought Twitter could use some revamping. Okay, so we all probably at this point know he goes on to buy the largest share in Twitter.
Oh, he did? I didn't know that. Yeah, he spent like over $2 billion, but he only owns 9% of Twitter, but that's the majority. When he bought that, they also gave him a seat on the board. I think out of courtesy. I think if you're going to own the largest shares, the largest amount of shares, they're also going to be like, we'll give you a seat on the board. Wow. He was supposed to take control or like take his seat on April 9th, but he doesn't end up doing it.
So right after he buys the largest majority, his first tweet he puts out is, should we remove the W in Twitter? Titter. Wait, did you? Absolutely. He's funny. Oh, he's fucking hilarious. So that's his first tweet. And this is like so Elon of Elon to do. And the options on this poll are yes and absolutely. Or there's something like both answers are yes.
The second tweet he puts up is like, should we take the Twitter headquarters in San Francisco and make it a homeless shelter since nobody attends work anyways up there? So he's just pissing off the Twitter employees, but Elon doesn't care because it's Elon. Then he puts up the meme of him smoking pot on the Joe Rogan show. That's what I saw. The one you saw and he was like, this first board meeting is about to be lit. Yeah.
And everyone's like, no, okay, okay. Like, Elon's just like a loose cannon, which I absolutely love. I didn't realize he was such a loose cannon. I also didn't realize he... Sorry, I thought she was trying to... I thought Lana was also trying to hold up like a secret. I was getting them ready. Okay.
I didn't realize that Elon had a sense of humor and that he was that he's funny. Like I love this. I love this side of him. Oh no this is Elon like this is so Elon of Elon. He embodies like fuck off. I love that. Oh yeah. So then he calls up the Twitter CEO and he's like I don't want my seat on the board because some Twitter and
Yeah.
So Elon doesn't care, but he also didn't take the seat on the board, which I like. So he can continue to be a loose cannon. He also told the CEO, though, like, I will not be silenced. Okay, so then the second he calls the CEO. I love how much you know about this. I get so into these things and I get really obsessed. I haven't seen you this excited in a long time, Alex.
Leave it to Elon to do this for me. Then he tweeted like the little ha ha ha after he said he wasn't going to take the seat on the board. So Elon's just out there doing this to everybody and I'm like so here for it. So what I'm hearing is that we need to have an Elon Musk mentality all the time. Elon energy. 100%. Elon energy. I love that. Elon energy. So that's your current advantage. I thought you'd like.
That's really funny. Do we just have the one today? Yeah, just the one today. Last week, you got me excited. Well, there was somebody, I don't know if this is true or not, but somebody DM'd it to us that a man grew two inches in space. And I thought that could help. I mean, it is short king season, but if you wanted to be a tall king, you could go to space. When I first saw that, I was like, where did he grow? Yeah.
It could mean that I didn't read the article and I was like, no, it's probably his height. But at first I was like, oh, his dicks, his dick grew in space. Right. What are you? I can't believe this is about. Are you a are you team grower or a shower or do you even care?
Team grower or a shower or is that one team? No, those are separate teams. There's kind of a third option, which is like the middle. But there's guys that are, you know, in the locker room. They're all walking around naked. There's some guys that are a shower, which means like their dick is automatically long. Oh, I see. Or it's tiny, but it grows like when they get hard. So there's a grower or a shower.
Do you care? I'm going to be honest with you. I mean, like, yes, I want a average-sized dick. It doesn't need to be massive. But if you know how to use it, that's all that matters. Fair. You've said, though, you would like it to be larger than six inches. Is that hard? No. No. Remember, I'm always like, I don't actually care about that part. Okay, let's pretend for a second that you did. Okay. Does this need to be...
full maximum potential or right when they take their pants off? No! Well, I mean, usually when they take their pants off when they're with a girl, they should be hard at that point. True. I guess I don't see a lot of soft dicks in my life. Okay. That's kind of a power move. I think the only soft dick I've ever really seen is... No, I don't mean to, like,
like that. Say him by name. No, like my ex-boyfriend who I lived with and was comfortable with. Right. I mean, how often are you around a guy? And if you are, that's fine too, but I'm just thinking, like the last dicks I've seen, I've been hooking up with a guy, so I'm happy that they're hard at that point. True. At that point, I guess they're if we're embodying the sixes. Yes. It's above six or it's six. Yes. But yeah, I really, as long as it's not
Tiny, teeny tiny. As long as they know how to use their dick, that's all that matters. Because let me tell you, a big dick that they don't know how to use is nothing special. Is it meaningless? Useless? Yeah, if you don't know how to use it, then it's no good. No, why would it be good? What if you knew how to use it?
Okay, let me ask you this. What if they had a... Who knew you were going to talk about dicks on Monday? Yay! Big dick energy on this Monday. I didn't even know I cared so much. I know, I've never heard you say...
I hate it. I know, but now I just have to, I don't know why when we present the theories, I have to understand. I'll talk about it. I'm comfortable talking about this. I love it. If they have a three inch dick, I guess let's call that small. Can someone bring in like a tape measure? Right. Okay. Well, if they have the phone versus the water bottle. So if they have a small, let's call this a small dick. Please do not say that's the width too. No, it's not the width. That would hurt. This would leave you hurting. So if they have a small dick. Finger. Finger.
Hard? It's bigger than this. I don't want to dick shame, but Alex, that's small. Okay, let's say they've got an average-sized dick. Which I think we Googled, it's like five inches? Fair. Hard? A hard, I think so. Five inches is, like, this is six. I think two fingers is an inch.
Let me tell you this again. This is not an inch. No, sideways. This is an inch sideways. Oh, that's an inch roughly. So five. This is for sure six. So if we take off one, this is five, right? Like if we exclude the camera.
Whatever. But the point is, I think we've got small versus large. But if they know how to use this, which one would you rather have? Small dick, they know how to use it. Large dick, they do not know how to use it. But you know how to use it. Small dick, they know how to use it. Really? Yes, 100%. You? Yeah. Okay. Hmm.
I mean, if they, I don't, when I'm having sex with someone, I don't want to have to do all the work, Alex. It's not that, it's not that they're lazy. It's that they're confused. Like you could walk into the water. Like I was going to say gross. I know. What's going on? Turn off. Okay. No, I'm just presenting. I just like to know. Also, I'm just curious. There's, I will say men with,
large, large dicks have it just as bad as guys with very small dicks because when your dick is too big, you can really hurt girls and girls, like I've had friends who have to stop seeing a guy because their dick is too big. Wow. Yeah, one of my friends was like, I can't, I like this guy, but she's like, every time we have sex, it hurts so bad. I can't, I can't, I can't do it. She's walking around the next day that she's definitely thinking of him. Yes, that's true, but she's in pain. That's why she's thinking of him. I mean, I've,
I have been with guys with, they're not small. They're like normal sized dicks, but they know how to use them and it's been incredible. And I've also had sex with guys with bigger dicks who don't know how to use it and it's been horrible. And I'll take the smaller dick any day of the week. But the mecca would be big dick knows how to use it.
I still say average. I don't want a big dick. Oh, you don't want... No, no, I don't. I've said that ever. No, I do not want a big dick. So when you're talking about the three sixes, you're calling six not a big dick. You're just saying that's the minimum? I mean...
Again, I know that was just a number. I mean, like what? So is it six? This is six. Dead on. And a large iPhone, I think, is like maybe six and a half. I mean, if a guy is that size dick and he knows how to use it, I'll take that all day. Okay, that's not too big. I'll take that all day, okay? Okay. If you actually measure out six inches, I do think that that's not alarmingly large. That's nice size. Pleasantly sized. I think that's... That's why I was confused about three six, because I thought six was like...
the ideal i don't think a lot of guys have it though no i don't think so i'm sorry that you guys are just dating and married to a really great guy you don't really know when you're like looking at it in real life yeah gauge that cannot gauge but you could like i could understand yeah you can't gauge it that's true yeah all right we we need to literally get a tape measure in this room
Yeah, we do actually need to bring one. Like, I actually need to know now because now I'm throwing myself off. But that's, yeah, I don't really, I feel like when we're hooking up with a guy, we put them in two categories. It's like, you touch their dick for the first time, you're like, small.
Or it's doable. But is there ever a confusion? Well, yeah, because sometimes when you're drinking with a guy, they have whiskey dick. I've had sex with a guy where the first time we hooked up, it was not big. But I then realized it's because he had whiskey dick. The second time, I was like, what the fuck? Where were you hiding this? I literally told him that. And he was like, yeah, the first time I was blackout. That sounds really bad. But you're just drinking. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's fair. I think it's interesting because everybody deals with it.
Yeah, I know. What about a... I'm looking at that pen over there. I'm like, hmm, what size is that? Yeah, now I need to know my inches. I just need to know my hand. I just want to measure my hand and then anywhere I go. What do you think this is? That Sharpie's a good length. Like, that's perfect. That's all I need. One. No, that cannot be three. This is like five inches. Okay, I think that's average. It's five and a half inches. A Sharpie is? Yeah. I think the average dick size is like 5.73 or something.
That seems average. How do they know? No, there's no way. There's no way they know the average dick size. Did they measure everyone hard? Right. Like what? What? No. Oh, the average. Mom, don't listen to this one. Any of these, please, please. But five point between five point one and five point five inches. So a little less than the Sharpie. I'll take it.
Okay. 6'6", 5'. 6'6", 5'. It's a little less than your average pin size. It's the average size. I like it. I'm down to have a Sharpie dick. Well, not the width. Sharpie-sized penises are good. Put your hand around it, Alex. Don't put my ginormous hand around it. It's not that big. Yeah, what's that face? Nothing. Yeah, so can we go back? I feel like in action it's different.
I'm just going to do. Should I? Obviously, it's thicker than this is why you need to be watching on YouTube. We're giving we're giving Sharpies hand jobs right now. OK, so better go over to YouTube and watch it. We are not Jordan. There are three of us in here and one of us is giving the Sharpie a hand job. OK, well, that that settles that. I think that's a great length. Hard.
We're not here to shame. I think it's great. I think anything is fabulous because you can't change what you got. No, it's just like girls boobs. Can I be honest? Yeah. I don't think I've ever considered that in my life. I've never been like walked away from. Who are you hooking up with Alana? Well, I see what you're saying. I've never been like, oh, that was small or big. It's always to me. It's like that was good or bad.
No, that would be the act. I think Alana makes a valid point, though, because... So I haven't had sex with someone consistently since...
I also just really haven't had sex in a lot, in a long time. Could we ask the most recent time? What is going on right now? I know, I don't know why. Why are we here? Do we want to leave this island or stay on it? I think you should finish your thought. I do not mind talking about sex at all. I was wondering, I want to know where your thought was going. I have had sex recently, but I'm just saying. I'm saying, but before that recent time, it was like,
It was going on probably close to a year. How recent? I'm feeling like the past five days. What? Yeah, this weekend. Because you said previously that I've had sex a few times in New York. Okay, I'm lying a little bit. No, but since we started the podcast, had you had sex until this weekend? Not since we started the podcast. Yeah. Okay. No. Yeah. I've only had sex once since we started the podcast.
So, and that was this weekend? Yeah. Sig count zero, sex count one? I guess. Oh, yeah. I don't smoke cigarettes anymore, though. Right. But you also said you didn't have sex, so now it's one and oh. Yeah. That's just so much more exciting. I know. Casual sex is back in season. Oh, Gaz is just going to have a heyday with that one. He said, he goes, there's no way. You're not just going to have casual sex anymore. And I was like, just watch me. I mean...
I bet that you did. This is the double standard Jordan. It's a seasonal thing. I'm realizing I'm a different person every season. Winter Jordan. I don't need to have casual sex. The sun's coming out. People are wearing tighter. Well, guys aren't wearing tighter clothing. I guess girls are wearing tighter clothing because you're like feeling yourself more. You're wearing tighter clothes. Yeah. Yeah, you are. And then hot body. All right. No, you need to lean into that more. You have a great body. Thank you. I appreciate that. Not everybody's blessed with that. But
But then I feel like the moods are changing, you know? But quick, I do want to finish the dick thing. Okay. Alana makes an extremely valid point. Like, usually, I feel like I'm always like, Alana, you're just so wise. No, I don't think I really ever leave thinking, oh, his dick was either small or big. I usually just think sex was good or bad.
And I've been with guys with normal, like smaller dicks who blown my mind. And I've been with guys with bigger dicks who haven't. I actually think big dick thing is like more of a guy thing. Yeah. Guys care. I think guys care about that more than girls do. I think we like being honest. I think it's like a, it's like a Chanel bag. Like it's like the idea of it sounds great. But once you get it, you're like, isn't this just like my knockoff? I can get on canal street. Like the idea of it sounds amazing, but then you have it. You're like, I can't do anything with it.
You're like, I can't take you out because everyone's going to want you. I can't. You don't know how to do anything with yourself because you've never had to try. But my bag on Canal Street I got for 50 bucks. It does the job. It does the job just right. Target does the job just right. Okay, I don't agree. Oh, I like this. I don't agree with it in the personality. Got me thinking. What's that word? Analogy? I said personality. Oh, I was like, no. No.
personality sorry put the words together well if the personality is true i then i don't agree with it because i'm not gonna ask you specific questions because of the respect i have for you no it is that that's what's hard for me that's what's hard for me to like insert myself like i can ask the questions around this but it's like i got the same one for life right you want a big dick
It's not. Oh, gosh. Graham's not going to listen to this episode. Mom. Alex's mom. Graham, please don't. Please don't. Anybody I know personally, just turn it off. No, I think. No, my only thing is I do think there is such thing as noticing size. I guess that's my thing. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, like, I definitely, the first time I touch their dick, I think about it, but I don't afterwards really think about it. As long as the sex was good. That's true. And then when it comes to the pursing, I think it's how you wear it.
I think it's the confidence you wear it with, right? Like if you're going to get it on Canal Street, if you're going to buy it in the store, fine either way. But wear it like it's real no matter what, I guess. Because that's valid. Because the whole point of Canal Street is you're going there because you care about getting the purse. Because 90% of life is confidence. 100%. So some part of you wants the Chanel purse or you wouldn't be down there. You'd be buying like a nice quality long champ somewhere.
Like, if you really cared about quality, you're not on Canal Street. She makes valid points, too. I don't know. I don't know. I think we got to get off of it because I'm not going to get there. But, like, I just think. Maybe more like a really popular restaurant as opposed to, like. Like Carbone. Carbone versus, like, your local. La Picor Bianca.
Yeah, maybe. Yeah. I don't know. I still think Carbone wins there. Yeah, lots of where Bianca's kind of popular too, but maybe like a hole in the wall. Yeah. Both their food's really good though, so why does it matter? The one just has the hype for no reason. That's true. That's it. Like the one you pay cash at.
Versus the hype. Yeah. The food analogy always wins. Instagram them both, though, because both of those in society are looked up upon. Because it's cool if you're at the hole in the wall of the dive bar. Equally cool if you're at Carbone, I guess. I think at the end of the day, the message we can end with is that... If you have a smaller dick...
just really know how to use it and the girl will not care. And if you have a big dick, still try to know how to use it too, okay? Yeah, I think that's good. Either way, dicks, it's kind of like short king season, both work. Yeah, exactly. It's all about the confidence and how you know how to use it. And if you want a bigger one, go to space and we're good. Yeah, exactly. Wow, look at that. That's how we got here. That was really good. That's how we got here. Anyway. Oh yeah, sorry. Do we have a title this episode? Dick Size. Literally. Are you kidding?
Speaking of, that was a good segue. Look at us getting better at podcasting. Does anyone notice a difference besides me wearing makeup for the first time in two weeks? Does Jordan look exceptionally hot? I got my lips done. Why? Well, I got them done.
I want to make it clear, like, I got them done for myself. There's nobody in my life I got them done for. I have had this, like, weird fascination with lips for a while where I, on girls, like, I just, I love lips. I think that...
I think the best thing in the world is making out. I think lips are great. It makes someone's like, look, if you get that perfect lip gloss, it just changes your life. You know what I mean? It makes the whole look. So I've been becoming more obsessed with it. And I know a lot of people in the city and a few of my friends who've had their lips done and they're incredible. Everyone looks so incredible all the time and like the confidence that radiates off of them. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to do it.
And I did it. You were a good candidate for it. Yeah. Because they look so natural and they fit your face perfectly. Like, you look so good. Thank you. That selfie that you posted on Thursday, I think we had some selfies going on. Oh, the one that you posted on me, girl. You look so good, though. Thank you. Wait, here's the question. Okay, expectation versus how you feel now. Is it the same? Is it better? Honestly, I am like...
Couldn't be happier. But you know, it's weird. I don't look at myself and think, oh, I look better. It's like I have this weird sense of confidence that I did not have before. It's like the lips came with a little bit of confidence. It's like, here's your lip filler and here's 50% more confidence, okay? It's like a little package deal. Would you say like in right now...
Where are you? Depending where you are in life, though, is it a good time for you to like gain some more confidence? Yeah. Yeah, I do. My confidence is horrible. You know this. Like I'm working on it. I'm wearing tighter clothing. I got my lips. I'm trying over here. OK, so did you you have not kissed? No. Wait, I want to know if you've kissed somebody with the lip filler.
Yeah, I have kissed somebody with the lip filler. But you haven't kissed somebody before and after, so we can't tell. Correct. I know one of my friends, she told me that I need to do a poll pre and post and see if the lip filler helps my kissing abilities. But I don't have anyone here I could ask. I'd have to go back to Minnesota. Like, hey, do you remember kissing me in 2019? Do you want to kiss me again? Say poll. I saw a look on your face. I'm like, what did I say that caught Alex off guard? Poll? Poll?
P-U-L-L. Pull? Pull. Pull. What did you say? I said roof this weekend and people had a heyday. Oh, I bet they were like, what did she just say? Okay, so you... Wait, you say pull. Pull. You say pull. Take a pull. What word are you... Exactly. I didn't understand the sentence. Pull. I need to pull the guys and see. Pull. Let's take a pull on Twitter. Wait, are we saying pull or pull? P-O-L-L. Pull. Oh, pull.
Okay. All right. Anyways. Another word dads the list. You just put the infliction in weird places. I know. When you said cigarette before you said cigarette. Yes. The infliction is so weird. Cigarette. Divorced or something. That one's still divorced. I'm like, she's saying divorced. Divorced. Divorced. Divorced. Divorced.
You can never get divorce ed because you'd be telling people, I'm divorce ed. All I'm realizing is, like, I speak like an alien in this world. In Minnesota, I've never had anyone question my voice here. It's like, people I'll meet for the first time will be like, what did you just say? There's nothing better than opinion. I mean, that's absurd.
Opinion? It's opinion. No, it's opinion. You always get confused. It's opinion. Okay, wait. So you have kissed somebody. Yes. Can we talk about that? Yes, but I will say my lips are... Oh, right. They're a little tender because I just got them done on Tuesday. It hasn't even been a week yet. And I don't know exactly. I think it takes about... I think today is when my lips are fully back to normal. But they're still a little tender. So I don't know if I used them correctly.
Did you feel a difference? I don't think so. Okay. Maybe a little? Probably not if you don't notice. I think, but I feel like you don't really notice yourself. I think it's more of like the person you're kissing.
You think what? I mean, when I'm kissing someone, I don't ever really notice how you feel. How my lips feel. Yeah, I'm more so, if they're good at kissing, it feels good. If they're not, it feels bad. But the feeling is still there, I guess. You felt the same. Actually, no. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think I did. Really? Yeah. What did it feel like? Marshmallow? Yeah, it felt more squishy. Wait, that's so cool. Because you look better. Literally. No, I'm thinking of that now. Okay, so usually when I kiss, I think I'm bottom. I'm trying to think.
Yeah. Like my bottom lip is usually on the bottom. I'm usually a bottom kisser. Okay. And I remember kissing on the top and I wasn't like upset about it. I was like, I kind of like it because my lips are more proportionate now. Did he go bottom? Well, I mean, we switched off, but I didn't. Usually I hate being on top. I remember like one was one guy I was dating. I never for like a year straight, never kissed on the top. And then now I'm like, we know I did kiss on the top and I didn't mind it.
Are you guys bottom top? I've never heard that before. Really? I have heard it and for the life of me don't know, I think we trade off. Yeah. You guys both have incredible lips that are very proportionate. Like you guys both do. You automatically, because of the proportion of your lips, went bottom? Well, I think I enjoyed it more. Support. Yeah, because I have a big bottom lip. Yeah. Now they're even. Now they're even. The confidence. Yeah. Jordan's like, put me on top.
Put me on top, coach. I got lip filler. I'm on top. I'm kissing you. That's kind of like you kissed him. You didn't let him kiss you. Did you kiss him? I kissed him. Yes. Wow. Wow, I like that. I'm a whole new confident woman. Jordan got lip filler and then got laid. Lip filler and laid in the same week. Oh. Yeah, I did. I do think. If he's listening, I'm so sorry. I'm not sorry. This is great. Tell us about it. Tell us about him. You got laid?
Yes, I did have sex this weekend. God, the L's are like hitting hard for you. Lip filler laden. What's another L to describe like getting into a fight? Love? Oh, lassoed? Lip filler laden lassoed. Loose? You got your bows loose? I don't know. You got in a fight. Okay, tell us about your weekend. Wow. Okay, so Friday night I went out and I was just going to say the name of the place, but I probably shouldn't say that. It starts with an L?
No. Well, we're... Just say it, whatever. Oh, I went out in West Village. I'm not going to say the bar, though. And I went out with some of my friends, my old co-worker and her roommate and friend. And it was great, I will say. So, you know, those girls that you meet who just have, like, that, like, sex appeal, like, that flirty, like... You, like, they're, like... Yeah. The energy that they radiate is literally, like...
like, like sexy, flirty. They ooze like flirt with me. Yes. Yeah. I know. So that was one of the girls I was with and I was just like telling her, I was like, I love your vibe. Like so great. I was like, how do you, and like, how do you just go up and talk to guys? And she, she gave me this advice that was incredible. And this goes for girls too, or guys and girls like guys, you can think about, think this way about girls too. She's like,
She goes, think of everyone in the room as a fucking idiot because we are literally all fucking idiots. And she's like, just go up and talk to someone. She's like, they're literally just a stupid human being who you have no idea anything about. And I literally started thinking about that. And I was like, yeah, if they reject me, I'm like, who cares? Not you with your hot lip filler. And then I used it. I started to talk to somebody.
So, yeah, so we went out and then I started talking to a guy and I will say I was really drunk. So like the the the encounters over the weekend are a little blurry. But so we started talking, started hanging out. We hung out the rest of the night.
Hold on. Did you think he was cute? Did you approach him? Okay, so that's the part that's like a little foggy. I do think he's cute. That part's not foggy. The how we started talking part's a little foggy. Okay, that's totally fine. I don't really remember that. It was one of those things where it's like all of a sudden you realize what you're doing and you're like, oh, I'm talking to somebody. Yeah.
I don't remember like how it began. I think I approached him because I think I was using her tips. Okay. So you're, you come to and you're talking to this cute guy. Yeah. Can we call him Brad? No. What do you want to call him? Um, I just, Brad is such a, like Brad. Cannon? Cannon? Cannon? No. Lasso. Ted? Ted. Ted Lasso. Ted. Okay, he's Ted. Um, yeah, so I was talking to Ted and
I hate that name. We were just hanging out. His friends were talking to my friends. It was fun. He doesn't live in New York City. Wow. That's a big thing. We're going to have to know where he lives later. Yeah. Big thing in this situation. He's also a wee bit younger than me. How much younger? Three years younger. Not bad. Totally fine. Not like a massive cradle robbing situation. Just like a light...
Yeah. 23? Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm 26 of people. Don't know. I'm 27. So, yes, we started talking. It was one of those things, too, where he was like, I'm going to leave or I need to go meet my friends at the next bar because he doesn't live here. That's where he's sleeping. And I was just in this mood where I was like, you know what? I don't really give a fuck. So I was like, well, you're not leaving me. So I'm coming with type of thing. Yeah.
So, and then when I said, I think I said that and he was like, well, I wasn't like planning on leaving you. So like, that's where I'm like, girls, just say what's on your mind. Because I feel like I'm starting to realize everyone's afraid to say what they feel. So if you just say people are usually thinking what you're saying.
And he probably would have given you a sign right there. Yes. Of like, no, no, no, just let me go. It was really nice to meet you. Because what's he have to lose? He doesn't live here. Exactly. Or, yeah, come with me. I wasn't planning on leaving you, love. Exactly. So then we went to the next bar. And yeah, we just had a great night. He came back to my place. He came back to your place. Because he does not live in New York City. Right. I was wondering that. So you took Ted to your place. Yes.
Yes. And then, dun, dun, dun. Let me have sex. Yes. For the first time since the pod. Since the pod. Not in New York City, but the first time since the pod. How many times since New York City? I've only had sex twice in New York City. This is number two? Ted's number two. Yeah. Lots of makeouts, but only two sexes.
How was Ted? So that's the thing that I hate about drunk hookups. It's like you don't really remember and you're just like drunk. Did you have morning sex? No. How was the next morning?
Good. You know, when you, I don't know if this has ever happened to you guys, when you bring someone home and you wake up the next day and it's either going to be as awkward as can be or fine. And that will kind of like decide on that type of person that they are. It was fine. Um, I've definitely woken up with a guy in my bed where he just like leaves and I'm like, this is really awkward. Get the fuck out. What time did he leave? Oh God. Ah,
I think it was around like 8 or 9. We also went to bed at 5 a.m., so I don't really remember exactly. I drank a lot. Alex, I drank so much on Friday. I don't know.
I woke up with my makeup on. Wow. Wow. I know. All of a sudden, I woke up and I touched my face and I was like, I literally was like, are you fucking kidding me? I got up so fast, went to the bathroom, washed my face, went back to bed. You guys, I have not, the last time I slept in my makeup was college.
Some people say I drank so much I threw up. I drank so much I got in a fight. You're like, I drank so much I didn't take my makeup off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I was pissed off about that. Does your pillowcase have makeup on it? No. I think I like was sleeping. Face up. Okay. We got a shot. And...
Oh, no, I like when you ask questions. I'm really bad at telling stories, so it helps when you ask the questions. Okay, so he wakes up, and did you, like, roll over and talk to him? Like, how's the exit? Did you get up, or did you stay in bed? Did you get his number? So I had his number from the night before. Okay. Which I didn't remember. Did you know his name when you woke up? Yes, I did know his name because it was in my phone. Is that how you knew his name? Yeah. No, no, no, I knew his first name. I knew his first name. Okay. His last name I knew, though, because it was in my phone. Okay. Thank God, because...
I think that's like a great thing to do. Like right when you meet someone, just get their number and have them put their first last name in. And then if they leave you and you decide you like them, you can prank call them. Yeah, that too. No, so I think he just, what? Could we prank call him on star six, seven? No. Okay. He has a normal nine to five job. He's at work right now. Okay. So yeah, so we got up and like, it's a little blurry, but I think he, I think he just like got up and left. Did he say bye? Did he kiss you bye? Yeah.
No, I think he just like hugged me and said bye. Okay. And then did he text you that day? So the next day he was back with his friends because he was spending the whole weekend in New York. Where's he from?
I don't know. We don't even talk about it. A train ride away, but I'm not going to like... A train? Yeah, I'm not going to say like the city specifics. So we're not flying. No, no, no. He drove. You can drive. He drove? Yeah, he drove. You can fly. You can take the train. You can drive. This is nice for distance. Okay. In my mind, he's from Boston, but okay. And yeah, so then he was... His friends, I was hanging out with my friends and I was day drinking. So my day began at three. I know. I was like drinking until five and then the next day I started drinking at three again. It was...
I haven't had a weekend like that in a long time. Love. So I was glass of wine deep. I had another, oh, I had an espresso martini and I was like, I'm going to follow him on Instagram. So, follow, what? No, just keep going. Oh, so I just followed him on Instagram. And then. He's single? Yeah.
Okay, I thought the story went that then you saw he had a girlfriend and then you were angry. No, no, no. Okay. No, he's single for sure. I think his friends would have been like, what the fuck are you doing? Okay, love him. Yeah, he's single. Go Ted. Wait, is he single? No, he's single. Yeah, so then I started hanging out with my friends. Me and my friends were going out. We were at, in the West Village again. And he was with his friends. I got a text, I think at like 9.30 or 10 or something. I can't really remember. And it was just like,
Pretty much, what are you up to tonight? From him. Okay, Ted. And then, okay, this is what I really like. So guys take notes here. So he texts me and goes, what are you up to tonight? I was just like direct. I wasn't playing games because I realized I'm done with those. I was like, I'm in the West Village. I think I'm going to go to X, Y, and Z bar. And I told him the bar name and then I didn't hear from him. And I texted him again. Not in like a weird way. I just texted him. I was like, I'm at this bar now. And then he texted me back. He goes, okay, I'm on my way.
Like, guys, girls too, just be direct. Like, I could have been like, oh, I think I'm going to the West Village. Like, find me if you can or like something stupid. It's like, stop being stupid. I think girls take note there. Girls, yes, especially. But I appreciate how he was like, oh, I'll see where we end up. I'll see what my buddies want to do. He's like, no, we're on our way. I also like...
I forgot. There was something else I liked and it's left me. Keep going. That I didn't want to play games? You didn't want to play games, but oh, I think it was that you knew he wasn't here for a long time. Yeah, that too. Yeah, I wasn't like, I have a chance to see him next weekend. It was like, either I can hang out with him or not. We can also all die on Sunday, so we should just approach life like that in general. Literally, you guys, I'm still having these epiphanies. I'm still like, I'm going through more rebirths. But another one I'm having is I literally woke up this morning and I was like,
What the fuck? Games are so stupid. Also, at the end of the day, always, if you wanted to, he would. 100%. Girls, guys, doesn't matter who you are, always, if they wanted to, they would. So Ted did. Yeah, he did. And I saw him when he hung out. Um...
We were once again drinking really late. And I'm going to put him aside for a second because the fight I got into is coming up. Is he there, though, or is he gone? He was there, but he has nothing to do with it. Okay. So I had a fight. I got into my first bar fight this weekend. And people think, like, I put this on Twitter. People are like, you can't call a bar fight. I'm like, oh, no, if you were there, you would be very uncomfortable. But it all kind of started...
I've just been, I have a little bit of like a, not a chip on my shoulder. I've gotten one and I'm just like, I've been, I'm realizing I was like very close to exploding and I just exploded this weekend. So long story short,
What people say to me on the internet is horrible. We all know this. It's nothing new. Everyone in this world, horrible things get said to you on a daily basis. My DMs, I feel like, are extra bad. It's always like, go fucking kill yourself or you're a fucking bitch. Like, you're fucking ugly. Like, horrible things all the time. So I don't look at my DMs. I literally wake up every morning and I delete them. Don't read anything. And...
Sorry, I just got a note from a lovely Alana saying, what if I was not in the picture? Was I in the picture at all? I think you started. Every time. Yeah, when I looked up, your shoulder was not in frame. Oh, God. Okay, I'm in. But yeah, so they're not great DMs. And I am just... But it's fine. It's part of the job. It's what you sign up for. I've been able to...
What's that thing called in your brain where you can like compartmentalize? Yes, I've done that. But this weekend, I was at a bar earlier on Saturday and this guy was so rude to my friend. So she accidentally tripped on this guy's foot and he literally just pretty much like what the fuck and dismissed her. And he was like... And she was like, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. He goes, get out of my face. Like, I don't want anything to do with you. I want the girl behind you with my drinks. Pretty much like... Okay. I was just...
We were like, what the what? I was like, I've never heard someone speak to somebody like, I mean, I have, but you know what I mean? And so we're walking by him. When I'm walking, he grabs my arm and pulls me back. And he goes, wait a second.
you're Jordan from Barstool. Blah, blah, blah. Like he was being all nice to me and I go, are you fucking kidding me? I was like, you want to know what you are? I go, you're fucking rude. And then he goes, let me buy you a drink. I'm so sorry. I'm like, no, two seconds ago you could care less who me and my friend were. You were so mean to her. You're an asshole. Like just, I was so angry. Like that's never happened. I've never had someone be like rude to someone's face out of no reason.
It was just I was very like, what the fuck? So I already like had that anger inside of me. I've just been really angry lately. And Saturday night rolls around and I'm just like talking, hanging out with my friends. And I don't really know exactly how it started, but this like guy came up and just started talking to us. And for some reason, social media got brought into it. This other guy that I really had no idea who he was, was also talking to us. And he just he like made a comment. He was like,
Like, something about Barstool got brought up, me being on social media, and this guy was just like, that's fucking stupid. People on social media are stupid. Like, oh, it's just a fucking number. Like, I can't remember exactly what he said because I truly, like, blacked out. I couldn't remember. But he was saying these crazy things where...
I thought maybe I was overreacting at first, but my friend who was with me was getting so upset. And I was like, okay, if one of my friends is getting so upset about how this guy is disrespecting me and saying to me, and she's not in the social media world at all, literally doesn't even have it, barely has Instagram. If it's upsetting her, there must be an issue here. That's not okay. And then all of a sudden...
someone said out of everything he was saying to me this is the comment that made me flip like and flip shit i literally freaked out he goes for so many followers which i have no followers like i'm i this is why i can't even imagine what other people feel like he goes you probably should work on getting thicker skin and i am like at this point i'm almost like crying because i'm like this is a
So the guy that was saying all this horrible stuff to me, stranger. No idea who he is. The other guy I had gotten to know throughout the night, so I thought we were on a decent level. He did apologize to me. He felt horrible for what he said. I think it was just in the moment. He was with his bros. But I freaked out. I said some really mean things to the guys. Like what?
So the one guy who was being really mean to me first, he was probably like 5'5", and I go, I was like, I'm sorry, but all I can see is you have a tiny penis the size of my pinky and you're 5'5", so get the fuck out of my face. And I won.
That, that, there's, there was two guys. So there's one guy was a stranger who was just like ripping on me all of a sudden out of the blue ripping on me. And then being like, this girl's crazy. Like she's getting mad at me for no reason. Like, like I said, I can't remember the whole situation. Cause I was, I was like, so, so much was happening. Um, but he, I was like a mixture of gaslighting pretty much telling me that I was a literal piece of shit because I worked at Barstool and I had, I work in social media. Um,
literally like forgot that I was a human being. And then the other guy who I had gotten to know over the night said the thing about me getting thicker skin because I'm on social media. And to me, that made me snap because I was like,
Thicker skin? I was like, you walk a mile in my shoes, buddy. You get DMs every single day that say you should kill yourself, that you're fucking ugly. People call me a cunt, a bitch. I'm like, you live in my DMs for 24 hours and then we'll talk. But that's where all this anger was coming from because I was like, oh my God, I've had all this anger pent up in me for so long about literally getting shit on every single day, which I know it's part of the job. Don't come at me for that. But I think something just snapped in me. See, that's fine. I snapped. I literally snapped.
Jordan literally just snapped. And I literally my me, my friend just like we're like, we're getting the fuck out of here. And we just like got up and left. Good for you for leaving, though. Yeah. Like you don't need that. No, I do not. Like you. That's like such a shitty situation. It was very shitty. I feel kind of bad about like how I approach the situation, but also like there's nothing I can do now. And like it obviously hit me in the wrong way.
So don't look back. You might trip. But I did have I accidentally had Ted's phone in my pocket. So I did have to go back. I did go back in there and I did talk to the one guy and like we both apologized to each other. The other guy didn't. The one that said the thing about thick skin. Yeah. You guys were cool. Yeah, we were cool. We did apologize to each other. He felt really bad and I felt bad because I knew he like didn't mean it meanly. The other guy don't know where he went. Never want to see his face again. Yeah.
Sounds like he was jealous. Sounds like he's up your job. Or that he's 5'5".
And I literally want to be like, bro, it's short king season. What are you doing here? Yeah, I'm for you. I'm team short king. A guy came up to me over the weekend. He was like... Oh, no. I forgot to tell you. He goes, thank you and thank Alex for me, too, because you're making short kings feel appreciated. We love short kings. He also wasn't that short. I was like... He was the nicest guy ever. Shout out to he's listening. Dude, you're 6'1", but okay. I think he was literally like 5'10", 5'11". Like, you're not short. But yeah, so then Ted and I...
hung out came back to my place again and oh twice yeah he just slept in my apartment i love ted wait do we love ted are you talking to ted now yeah yeah wait this is exciting about ted though back-to-back nights yes back-to-back maybe he was just using me for a bed
He doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Not at all. Not at all. He's very nice. I honestly like haven't met somebody. So that's what I was telling myself. I'm like, even if like, I don't know what's going to happen. You know what I mean? But I was like, the universe like reminded me that there's nice guys out there who are about six feet. He's six. Yeah. How tall is he? Six one. Is he like hot?
or is he like cute i think he's hot he's hot hell yeah i know he his friend is his friend's gonna be there i hate that they listen they're gonna listen to this oh hey ted i wonder what his real name is i mean i'll tell you after the show can't wait actually i could hear less if they listen or if they listen um but no yeah he's above six feet he's very attractive um he's funny he's nice so i'm not getting like my hopes up you know he's just that life that's what i was trying to teach myself too it's like everything just just life
That's so true. But I was like, at least I like it was the universe like giving me like a break. Like, here's a nice guy like they do exist in this world. The pent up anger thing that you're talking about. Yes. Where's that coming from? Like what's pent up? Yeah. So I think it's like a mixture of my my DMs being filled with
death threats like people think I'm exaggerating I'm like oh no no I'm not because she ever since started mean girl pod they've gotten worse yeah the incels hate you they hate me which who cares but that's the thing too it's like I also like making this transition where for two years I've yes I was on social media but I was solely doing pop culture
Then I did Mean Girl Pod, and this is the first time in my life I've ever put my life on the internet. So I'm also adjusting to that. I didn't get hate comments before, but I did pop culture. Right. Reporting. Yeah. I know, but now I do. But yeah, so that, and then I've also just been spending more time with influencers just because that's the world we live in. And I just am realizing people...
Treat on both sides of the spectrum. If you're an influencer or if you're someone looking at an influencer, like people just treat people like shit. Like I've been around influencers and we'll be out and they just expect so much out of people. Yeah.
Where we'll be at a bar and they'll like have their people go up to the bar to get them drinks. I'm like, you think you're too good enough to get off your butt to go up to a bar to get drinks for yourself? Or we'll be at a bar and they'll just assume that they get first shot at the bartender when there's hundreds of people waiting. I'm like...
why do you think that you're better than anybody because you have a number next to your name? Like that. So that's been like really angering me. And then also on the other side of it, people have been treating me like I'm not a human anymore. And like, for example, on Saturday when that guy just like said those things to me, I'm like, you would never say that to just like anyone. Right. Like you would never just go up to like a random girl and be like, you're a piece of fucking shit. It's like, no, it's like you were, you're like, oh, you were at a bar still. You're a piece of fucking shit. Yeah.
Right. Like you're an accountant. That's embarrassing. Yeah, literally. Oh, you work in sales. You work in fashion. You're a piece of shit. It's like, no. Do you think it's because, okay, the accountant thinks funny because you'd never be like, oh, you're a finance bro. Like, fuck you. We would just never say that. Do you think it's because you give, you've opened people up to seeing your personality that they automatically feel a bit like they know you or that you could handle it more? Like, what do you think it is? Yes, that is true. But those people that come up to me are so nice to me.
This guy had no idea who I was. How did he find out though? Like he, because he came to know who you were. Another, a random guy that was talking to us, like said something goes, Oh, this, this chick works at barstool. He was really nice by the way. Like he was big fan of me, girl pod. And then the guy was like, then he knew he didn't know. He was like, Oh, Jordan Woodruff works at bar. So I know where he was like, Oh, barstool. You work there. You must be a piece of shit type of thing. Got it. And then the other guy had no context at all.
he was just operating off of like knowing that you worked there yeah here okay yeah okay um and for the influencer thing like why do you think it's like that or do you find that exhausting to be around like what do you how do you feel very exhausting like i i i'm sorry if this sounds horrible but like i don't think i will ever be able to have influencer friends like i love my friends
Who are not in this world more than anything. And I'm the thing I'm most grateful about New York city is I made so many great friends before I started this job.
I love it. I like I just I I can't I can't be around energy where people just assume that they're better than another human being based off of like stupid shallow things. I don't get it. Like, yeah, I get it. If you're J-Lo, if you're Jen Aniston, if you're Kim Kardashian. But I bet they treat people way better than these people do. It's just like it blows my mind that people think that they're better than people based off of.
I don't know. And I've just been more aware of it lately. I was going to say, does it make you wonder what people put out on social media like is so different than their real lives are? Yes.
100% Yeah I mean like Is your social media Real life real? No Yeah I mean the things That are happening in my life But it's not The most real thing I put up last week Was me on the subway Being like who am I What's happening And where do I go Yeah That was like how I truly felt In the moment But Yeah because like A big thing that happened That like made me like realize That I was like
about you is like I think a lot of people assume since you're married to a great person your mom's in New York City who's awesome you're just automatically happy and a few of my friends have asked me they're like why don't you and Alex hang out anymore and I think people maybe think like we're not friends and it's like no I
We're fine, but Alex is dealing with shit right now. But people just assume you're not because of what is around you. Yeah, I'm in hibernation. And hibernation is the best thing for me right now. And having my mom and Graham here on some of the tough days are the reason that I'm able to...
Probably see a light I think So they're definitely helpful But yeah no I'm Literally this weekend I was thinking about what I did And the most notable thing I did Was try to eat a lot of vegetables Like that's the most notable thing I did this weekend I was like what can I do And I was like fuck it I gotta do me right now And that's what's best for me I know you and I haven't been hanging out that much But
Also on the other side of it, has Alex been hanging out with anybody? No. But my point was people just assume your life's perfect because of the things that are in your life. Yeah. That's not it at all. No. I think the world right now, I feel...
Putting up that Instagram pose on Wednesday, I said half the time I wonder, and I got flooded with these DMs being like, half the time? You're lucky. I'm constantly wondering. And I was like, man, people right now, I think it's the residue of COVID. Like, I know people are like, COVID's been over for a long time. Whenever you thought COVID ended, whether you think COVID's still going on, that's not the debate here. It's just that...
It's why revenge travel season is coming up, but we're all feeling this like, who am I? What do I do? Do I need to reset? Do I not need to reset? Am I making myself happy? I think all of our brains... It's not cool that we got to live through COVID because I know a lot of people went through hardships, but the fact that we got to look at life like that and be like, whoa, see the world shut down. I feel like we got some perspective from that and now we're like, what are you going to do with that perspective? It's basically a mindfuck. Literally, I...
I think I wake up every day and I'm like, what? What's the point of life? Yeah. That's to put it brashfully. Like, I literally think that every day. What's the point of life? Yeah. And I also I've been having this mentality where I'm like, I could literally die tomorrow. I could die walking out of this building today. And what do I have to live for?
Like when I make decisions in my life, like that's why, for example, even with this weekend, like thinking about what I'm going to text back to somebody. Why do we care? Right. Just send the text. Like, or I shouldn't go out to dinner because I don't want to spend money. Why do we care about how much money we have? As long as you have enough to get you by three, have like a little, little security. Yeah. No, that's so true. I'm also realizing like these moments of being like, ooh, okay. Yeah.
Because there's more factors than us just being like, oh, right. We've got like work and where we want to go with things. Death threats. Death threats. Like there's all this stuff that's at play here. But it's like these challenging times, I think, show us more about our life than anything else. Yes. They're important. And they're like, it's nice to be able to go through them. Because on the other side, I do think we grow. Well, and that's why social media does suck. Because no one, I mean, you guys, if you wanted me to be honest on social media, you would all become depressed. Right.
And I think with yours, too, if people know what was going on in your brain, people would be like, I'm so depressed. I can't follow them. They're like, oh, wow. Right. And that's the thing, too. I have to remind myself. It's like people don't know what's going on in my brain. Also, I've learned from last week, I don't open up and tell people, so they have no idea how I'm feeling. But my brain's going, I'm this close to snapping. If one more person says something mean to me, that person says something mean to me, she probably gets praised every single day. She's so happy. Yeah.
Right. And you're like, that's not it at all. No, I'm actually going to snap. I'm going to snap, but I'm not going to come back from it. Everyone listening to this and they see you at the bar from now on, it's going to be like, I was going to say hi, but I'm not gonna. I'm just kidding. There were some people who were so nice. I love those people, but the guys and the girls too, who are disrespectful. I'm like, Jesus. Also, another thing with influencers, I...
When I was out this weekend, my friend caught a few. Like, because she, like, recognized them. And she was like, why is everyone such an asshole with a following? Like, those were her words. And I go, if I ever become a... Am I allowed to say the C word on here? Sure. I was like, if I ever become a cunt, slap the fuck out of me. Because, like, a few girls, like, walked in that... I think they were just, like, on TikTok. And she was like, why are they walking in and being, like, assholes to everyone thinking that they own the place? And I was like...
If I ever become that. So embarrassing. Literally, if I ever become an asshole, please drown me. One of the girls came into. Into what? I knew. This is a live show. What was it though? You shit ass. You guys are fucking.
No, seriously. They're so cheesy, but people are like, characters, how you treat people that can do nothing for you. But it's like, I think the way you treat the waitstaff or the guy that holds the door open for you, that says so much. Yeah, I'm getting... You don't have to treat every single person so nicely. Always be respectful, but I can see why famous people get exhausted by...
Like, if people are always coming up and talking to them, like, sometimes, you know, you read the tabloids, you're like, XYZ was rude to a fan who came up to take a picture, like Justin Bieber. It's like, well, they're probably, like, really exhausted. Doesn't mean he has the right to be rude, but...
If they're rude to wait staff, though, or like people helping them or anyone who's like getting paid to help them. That's where I draw the line. It's like you cannot be mean to those people. Someone's doing their job. Yes. I think there's a difference between walking in the room and being like, I see you all. And then walking in the room being like, do you guys see me? It's a total. It's such a big difference.
Yes.
You still got friends? Were you still nice to your family? Do you still feel good about yourself? Right. If you ask yourself those questions, like, that's happiness. Right? I know. Ever since I've been, like, getting closer to you, I've always think about, at the end of the day, like, do I like the person I am? That's always what I... Like, whenever I'm having a hard day, I'm like, is it because of this factor or because I don't like the person I was today? Yeah. Like, is it your energy? Mm-hmm.
Or is it somebody else's energy you're letting bother you? Because if it's your energy, you got to mess with that. Yeah. But if it's how everybody else is making you feel, it's not yours. That's why when I did get into that fight, I wasn't that mad at myself because I wasn't, I didn't dislike the person I was because I didn't do anything wrong initially. If I was being an asshole and someone called me out for being an asshole, I was like,
I would be so embarrassed. But I wasn't being an asshole. I was sticking up for myself and also my friend who was very upset and uncomfortable about the whole situation. Right. Should I have said the guy had a dick the size of my pinky? No. I should have done that. But I did. You own that part. All right. That's your part. Yeah, that's my part. That's what Jordan owns. The rest is not yours. Jordan owns a massive dick. Well, then he needs to send a pic.
Picker, it didn't happen because we know he follows the pod. I'm just kidding. Do not send us a dick pic on Instagram. I don't like Alex. You're opening up a really bad door. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and, no. You know what? Send them to her. No, no, no, no, no. No, do not. Ah. But yeah, I just, I've been learning so much lately and I feel like I truly am like going through a lot of like, I feel like I'm rebranding my personality in a good way. Like, I'm just like, I'm just like taking life less seriously
I am just trying to be a better person. And I just like, I'm like life. What's the fucking point of it? We're gathering data right now. It's good. Yeah. It's the data gather time. Like what's the point? What's the point? I mean, there is a point, but like what is the point? I'm still trying to figure that out every day. You're going to build it with the data and you're going to love it. Yeah. Just know we're all in it together. We are.
I think on that note, you should probably follow us on social media. If that didn't make you want to follow us, I don't know what will. Let's get our number up. No. So thank you. Okay. So I was thinking Alex and I are going to do something crazy for 5,000 YouTube subscribers. So we, um, so follow us on YouTube so we can get those 5,000 YouTube subscribers. Do something crazy. Someone said, go to Oklahoma. And someone said, um, I picked the first one. Oh, it was such a good one.
I have to think of it. But there was two where I was. Let's go to Oklahoma. Okay. I'll go to Oklahoma with Alex if we get to 5,000 YouTube subscribers. And go on a date.
In Oklahoma? Only if it's with... With who? Say his name. I'm just kidding. You won't. I will not. You're right. I won't. So... No. Wow. He's going to be a dead giveaway. We'll go there. But then also follow us on Instagram, TikTok, the whole shebang. Make sure to subscribe. Leave a review. The whole thing. And we'll see you guys next Monday. Happy Monday.
