I Have No Friends 50:00

I'm like rethinking everything that I ever thought, especially about guys and dating. I think that's healthy. In my standards. Are you lowering your standards? Alana. What? You just, I'm like speechless right now. Welcome to another episode of Mean Girl Pod. I'm Jordan. I'm Alex. And today we are talking about friends. We got some good current events. Yes. Yes.

I have a surprise for Alana and Alex that I've not told them and I'm itching to tell them. What? So very excited about that. Okay. We talk and we're going to talk a little bit about our problems in life and how we're all dynamic humans who are hypocritical. We are. Okay. Didn't know right into it. AB hit us with the current events. So people are starting to go back to work and go back to the office. Yeah. And they're saying the largest topic is attire.

And what people are going to start wearing because everyone got a tire, a tire. I think you meant like a tire on a car. The largest thing is the rubber. So people, even on wall street, they're saying at a bare minimum, they'll get rid of ties. And then all these younger people are starting to say like, there's no revenue downside. If you relax a tire, um,

And then I thought about us who literally wear sweatpants every day. So how would you feel if you had to wear like dress up every day to this office? I mean,

I mean, I did it for four years of my career. So I think I could bounce back pretty easily. The only thing is, I don't own any of my dress clothes anymore. I literally got rid of all of them a few months ago because I knew I would be at Barstool for the foreseeable future. And I'm not wearing dress clothes here anytime soon. True or false statement. I feel more productive when I'm like in sweatpants. So it's funny. That's when I was in college. I was.

I would write. So I was a journal or journalism communications major. So I wrote papers all the time. I only wrote papers in jeans because I was more productive in jeans than I was in sweatpants because in jeans I would sit, I would write, I would get it done. But in sweatpants, I would just start to slouch. I mean, you see my posture. It literally be like, are you kidding me? No, I'm more productive in jeans. Yes. Do you fly in jeans? Are you the girl at the airport dressed up?

No, I've never dressed up on an airplane. Also, I don't wear makeup on airplanes. Also, I do not wear jeans anymore to be productive. That was college, Jordan. Now... I like being comfortable. That's serial killer stuff. Jeans to write a paper. You need to study everything, yeah.

There was something I think the New York Times put out like that people are more productive in sweatpants. Oh, really? Yeah. Which is there's no answer. But like, I think it's just personal. Now I think I'm more productive based off the time of the day, not my attire. That's very. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that. OK, so I know we weren't going to talk about dating. Oh, but I went on a date.

This weekend? Yeah. When? Your mom was here. I went on a date last night. Did your mom... Oh, okay. Your mom was gone. Your mom was gone. Um...

Yeah, because we weren't planning on talking about dating because like that's all we talk about. But it was just something that happened. So we have to talk about it. Wait, was it a second date with a guy from the previous? No, it was a first date with your friend. What? Yeah. Yeah. The guy. Okay. What? Yeah. Wait. Dude. I'm sorry. You're crazy. I love throwing these bombshells on these guys. Wait, you're insane. You went on a first date. Okay. What? What?

My gosh. You have no idea? No, I have no idea. I can't tell you guys these things anymore, so I just have to throw them on you on Mondays. You know how antsy I get? I'm like, I had a list out this morning. I was like, I have to tell them this, this, this, this, this. Well, I'm sure you wouldn't forget the date you went on with my friend. Such a small world. Okay, so I'm obviously from Oklahoma, and this guy is from New York, but went to school at OU, and I ran into him on the street.

Which you run into so many people on the street of New York. It is such a small world up here. It is. And he's one dapper fellow. He's very dapper. That's a great descriptor of him. My dad, when we walked off, literally my whole family ran into him and I introduced him to everybody. And we walked off and my dad was like, that's one of the most well-dressed people I've ever encountered.

I'm like, right? Yeah. But I didn't know. I'm not going to like force a date upon anybody. But then he DM'd me and said, Jordan is bae. And I was like, right? And then I was like, okay. And then he took it from there. And then you, I didn't hear a peep. And then you went on a date with him last night? Yeah. Oh my gosh, tell us everything. So he lives right next to me. Literally? Like, so a block away. What? I've never met a human being around my age who lives where I live.

He lives. I pass his place almost every single day of my life. That's so convenient. Also, how crazy. I'm like, how many times have I actually I've probably seen you so many times. You probably have. Yeah. Okay. So that was really funny. So we share love for our neighborhood, which nobody in this world loves besides me. You had a lot to talk about. Yeah. The date was great. We went to a place that I've always wanted to try. That's near us. Conversation was great.

He is born and raised in Manhattan, which those people are just another breed of human beings. They are. Like to find someone who's born and raised like in the city is crazy. Like I find them so fascinating. I'm like, tell me everything. What was it like? Yeah. But yeah, it was an overall very good date. He actually just texted me and asked me out on a second date. He did? Oh my God. Right before we started, I was like, oh yeah. Wait, you're so smiley.

No, it was a great day. Well, because in the past, I mean, the past two dates I've been on, they're usually like blowing me off or. Okay, we have to, even though I know him, I have to do the thing like, what did he wear? Was he early? No, so. Sad because I want him to be perfect. He did not do the three Ps. Well, he did pay, but. Oh my God, I was like. He was a little late, but I also feel like.

And that's just a little bit of his personality based off of his slow... Like, I feel like he's just really busy. So he's a slower texter a little bit later. It's good for you. Yeah. So I was there first, but I also was there five minutes early. So... Was he even later? Was he on time? No, he was...

Five minutes late. Oh, that's still early. Okay. He made reservations, though, which was nice. Pick the place, plan the place. You know what happens? I kind of black out. I don't really remember what they wore. I think he had a sweater on and jeans. I would imagine he looked like one thing he this boy can dress. Yeah, he very well dressed. Very well dressed. It was so interesting, though, because he drinks tequila on the rocks, which that was so cool. I love Fyvrn O'Brien.

I've never been on a date with someone who's like classy. Happy Sunday. I know. He was just very classy. I was like, I've never been on a date where someone like orders tequila, asks like for a specific type of tequila. I was like, usually I go on dates and people are like, the guys are like, I'll take a Red Bull vodka. Literally a Red Bull vodka. Coors Light. You guys make pino coladas. Literally, literally.

So that was cool. And then we could walk home together because we live right next to each other. Wait, cute. How was the walk home? It was good. Freezing. Because it's winter today and last night in New York City. That'll do it. So yeah, overall, great day. A second date? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. I am busy these next two weeks. I can't with that. I can't. I don't have one free day. You don't have one free night. Maybe Sunday. There you go.

But I also text you every night and say, what are you doing? Send me a photo. I'll give you my full blown schedule, Alex. It's a color coordinated calendar. You saw it. It is. I've never seen anything like it. But I do have one bone to pick with you. Oh, gosh. What? Not in the bone picking mood, but I can get there. Okay, I'm there. What? Tell me. I'm keeping my eyes closed while you say it. So I go to the gym this morning. Yeah? And guess who I see, Alex? Him! He goes to my gym!

bone to pick with me because my gym is my safe space and we go to the same gym at the same time who the fuck goes to the gym at 5 30 a.m yes i ran i ran you didn't talk no i ran you ran away from him or you dogged on the treadmill at the gym no i got up so fast and i ran up those stairs and went to a different floor he probably listens to this if i saw you at the gym well if i saw you like don't talk to me i'm trying if i saw someone here i would pretend i didn't know them

Do you think you've seen him before at the gym and didn't notice him? I think so. I think every morning, probably. Well, now there's a rare breed of human beings who go to the gym at 530 in the morning. Okay. There's only a small group of us. And now I'm like, why do you have to be one of those people? But I think it's a good thing because it means you have a lot in common. I know, Alex, but the gym is my place. It is your safe space. What are you going to do about that? I'm just going to avoid him. Okay. Every day. Okay.

Yeah. The gym's my place. But anyways, yeah, so that kind of ruined. That's sad. Oh, God, I have so much to talk about, but I also want to get into the meat of this episode. We've got nothing but time. What do you want to say? Oh, I realize I'm so bad at dating.

Oh, I had a revelation. I woke up this morning and I was like, I'm a horrible dater. I thought I was this like great dater. I thought I was I killed it. I'm not. What'd you do bad? I don't tell anyone anything about myself on a Monday.

You have a wall up. But like, it's I'm boring. I literally have been thinking about all the dates I've been on. And I'm like, me being a good listener and start like making sure you can talk about yourself just makes me look boring and sound boring. Like they know nothing about my life. When they do ask me questions, I totally downplay everything. When people ask me questions about barstow, I make it seem like it's not this big deal. What I do, I make it sound so small and stupid. Like I don't even sound exciting.

Okay, hold on. Let's dig into this a little bit because I think you do this... Why? It can't just be because you want them to talk. Why don't you offer more? No, I just do that across all... I have had an awakening. But you were like this with me as a friend at first. Yeah, I'm like this with everything in my life. Why? I don't know. You shield off so much. Well, and I also...

I'm like I'm afraid to like if someone gives me a compliment I like downplay it like I'm never I never allow myself to experience joy or excitement about my success. Okay. So for example like he asked me about Barstool because he was aware he knows you and I just like yeah it's cool.

Like, no, it's freaking awesome where I work and what I do. And I just like, yeah, it's cool. Yeah. And you love your job. Give me the top three things you do wrong. Beside number one, you don't offer up anything. You shell off that. I mean, that's all I do wrong. I just I don't give them anything to connect, relate with me on. Like, I'm not relatable because I don't give them anything to relate to me with on if with. Yeah. Nothing to relate about. Nothing for them to connect with. Okay. And that's.

Nothing for them to converse with. So you're just like a board sitting there that's asking them questions and listening, but you're not saying anything when they ask you back. Yeah, I'm it's really like if you were like, hey, Jordan, if you ask me a question, I would give you like a one worded answer. No, I'm it's boring. I'm a bad dater. You're a boring date. I'm a boring date. Jordan's a boring date to go on. I am.

great dater I left last night and I think it was because he was the first person I went on a date with who actually was interested in what I had to do because I think knowing you helped a ton he understood that life he also has a cool job as well I just was like wait that's fascinating though and with friends too oh my gosh I've never found you boring but we have a lot to talk about so do you think your friends your new friends that you've made here in the city do you think they're like she doesn't have much to say

What an immense amount of self-awareness we're practicing. I haven't made any friends. Okay, so the friends. No second dates, no friends. That's a great segue. No, my friends, I'm friends within the city, were pre-barstool and then my old job and now...

um, people I've met through this job. So the people I've met through this job, get it. It's easy to have conversations on my job with them. Okay. Are you saying new friends moving forward that you make now being at bar? So you're boring with, or were you boring before? When did the wall come up? Has it always been there? Um,

I think so. But I've never really been in a position to make a lot of new friends since because I kind of, like I talked about last week, like I made my friends and I kind of stuck in my routine. Now I'm going out of my way to make more friends. But I'm just re-evaluating all of my experiences with talking to people. I just, I don't give people anything. Take your childhood best friend, for example. Yeah. Madeline? Yes. Okay, so take Madeline. Okay.

Good memory. Thank you. She comments on everything. She's so sweet and so supportive. Would she say that you've always been this way and it took her a while to get to know you or that you've changed the older you got, the more the wall has gone up? That's a really good question. I don't know. Because I feel like when you're friends with someone from childhood, it's like they knew you before the trauma. So they kind of

they they like got who you were she also I tell her everything too so she I don't really have walls with her I found just as a new friend I guess I would say I found that you definitely have walls up at the beginning you also have abandonment issues where every week you thought I was gonna quit the podcast I still do yeah you still like approach me with this like I'll be like hey gotta talk to you and by talk to you I can mean like I met a cute guy in the street I don't

I don't say, hey, I got to talk to you because that is a crime to send somebody that text message. I don't say that. After you told me what you told me this morning, I let it go. Here we go again. She's going to quit on me. Literally thinks I'm going to quit every day. And it could be as simple as like, oh, my God, I made this new recipe. I'm like, oh, Jordan, Jordan, come here. I want to make a tick tock with you. And she'll walk over. She's like, this is the moment. I'm like, like, what happened to you where you thought I was just going to up and abandon you?

I don't know, man. So that was like the first thing I noticed about you. Yeah. Yeah. Do you kind of approach everything as though you don't want to get like so close to somebody because you think everyone's just going to abandon you? Yeah, I'm just I'm just starting to realize that I keep everyone at arm's distance because I don't want to miss anyone in my life because missing people makes me feel sick to my stomach. Like I always joke around like, oh, I never miss anyone. I don't have that that.

I'm like, no, I actually do. I just don't allow myself to. I learned a lot from this weekend. Wait,

Wait, what did you learn? Do you want to talk about what you learned? No, I'm just saying all this stuff is coming up. I'm like, wow, why is it hitting me now? But yeah, a lot of that. You know what's cool, though? The things you are doing is like you are going on the dates and you are making friends. But now you're like, OK, so that's like step one. I guess step two for you is like you got to open up. And I have to continuously make an effort to see these people again. Have you ever lost a friend?

Like broken up with a friend? Yes. Yeah. How did you handle that? So I've only had one. No, no, no. I'm trying to think. I've ended a few friendships, but I've only really ever had one massive blow up. It was Madeline. Oh. And we're best friends now again. Okay. So we rekindled. Oh. But I've ended a lot of friendships, not from me not liking them solely, just we grew apart or it just wasn't in my best interest.

I don't think there's an answer to this, but everybody like ends friendships differently. And then I think a lot of people are like have anxiety over it or they're sad about it. Or maybe they were the one that the friendship got ended with. And friendships are like such a big part of our life that it's fascinating. Yeah. I also think friendships are similar to relationships where people a lot of times settle because they don't want to be alone. Like we talked about last time, people settle in relationships because they don't want to be alone. Same with friendships. I mean, I...

I would say in college kept a lot of people in my life because I didn't want to one be looked as the kid who didn't make any cool college friends, but also I didn't want to be alone. And you don't want to go through the anxiety of ending it with them. And then like you still have the mutual friends, but sometimes if they don't serve you, I think it gets easier the older you get.

Like, you have your college friends, and then right when college ends, you think you should still be friends with all of those people. And your high school friends. And your high school... It's the same. It's like with every stage of life. But when I left high school and went to college, I, like, kept in touch with my friends, but we all went to different colleges. Mm-hmm. And you get to college, and you make all these new friends, and those are the ones when you graduate...

you're like, these are going to be my best friends, my bridesmaids, like we're going to be friends forever. But then as time goes on, you realize some of them have kids. Some of you move to different cities. Some of you date people that, or some of you get married to people that live in a different state and then you get pulled there and people start to grow apart. And I think people start to ask themselves, how much effort do I go through to stay in contact with this person? Is it okay if we grow apart? Like navigating friendships in your twenties and thirties, I think everybody struggles with.

So much. Have you, are you the type of person who struggled to make friends or like making friends always come easy to you throughout life? I would say making friends comes easy, but the hardest part would be when I move. So when I moved from Oklahoma to LA, like that was hard. And then when I moved from LA to here, it wasn't as hard because I've been over the shock of the move before. So I know what that's like, but also there's a lot of people here that are our age and

But also that kind of checks my social box. You know, during the day when you're here or like when I sit here and talk to you, I kind of fill my social cup. Yeah. So I'm like less inclined to want like a bunch of friends. I don't know. There's too much change here right now to say. Yeah. No, that makes sense. I feel like my whole life I've struggled in the friend apartment. Really? Not even –

Yeah, that's been something that weighs on me probably more than anything. It's always like, do I have enough friends? Do I have good enough friends? Do I have enough... And it's always about society standards. Do I have enough friends to what society thinks is enough? Or do I have... Because I've never been that person who has a girl pack. You know what I mean? It's always been, I have a few friends, but they're always in different groups. So my whole life I've been like that. And then I've had pockets where...

In Minnesota, I started getting like a girl group and then I moved to New York. And in New York, I actually... New York's... We'll get into this, but it's the one place where I have not struggled to make friends. It's like weird. I love my friends here. I have a group of friends here. But in college, I...

Didn't really make friends. High school, I was very, very introverted. So I didn't really hang out with people until the end of high school. So I don't know. I just like, that's like the biggest thing is I've always struggled with the thought of do I have enough friends? Do I have good enough friends? And just the whole idea of friends. What do you think is a successful amount of friends? Like if you had to pick...

is it three friends? You want three best friends you can call when shit hits the fan? Or are you cool with one? Or do you really think you need like a pack to be able to like feel good about it and it not weigh on you? You say it causes you anxiety. Like how many friends would you have to have for it not to? Honestly, I think it depends on the type of person you are. I, but you, for, oh, for me. So I personally don't think I could have a massive group of girlfriends. Like I'm too introverted for that. I get very overwhelmed with plans. I'm a people pleaser. Like,

coordinating stress. I think for me, like five, like I think a

Like five to ten friends are great, but I think I actually do well when I have friends in this group, friends in that group, friends in this group, work friends, non-work friends, old co-worker. You know what I mean? I don't think I ever could be someone who has like all my friends in one bucket. Right. It's overwhelming. That makes sense. Okay, so I have a question for you. Yeah. So when I was in a relationship with...

I was in a relationship for five years. I kind of gave up on making friends. I don't think I'm alone in this. I think a lot of us do. Now that you're married, do you feel like you need to make friends or also do you even feel like the pressure do? Because, you know, you have grandma always and you also have your mom here with you as well.

I think it's... Okay, so yes, you still want to make friends. Or at least I still want to make friends. But it definitely takes off the pressure. So I can be more picky about my friends, kind of. I can be like, I want...

Like, I don't need a big group to go out with. Really? I'm like, I can go out with you. But then I'm like, I want some friends to go to dinner with, but I don't need like a massive pack to make me feel less alone because I have that person that doesn't make me feel alone. But I can be like, okay, I would like to make three really good friends in New York.

That's really nice. Ones that like lift me up and, you know, that's a good way to put it. You, a significant other shouldn't prevent you from making friends. It should just allow you to be more picky. You kind of get to, and not in a bad way, but you're like, I don't need like a mass amount of friends. Like I'm good. I did that. Yeah. I did that in college. Like I got my person now that if I want to go out to a nice dinner or something, I can go with him. Yeah. We can also have like couple friends. I would love to make a couple friends. I think that would be nice. Sorry. No, no.

You're basically married to the guy that I know. No, I'm kidding. Please don't put that out in the universe. It always bites us in the butt. I know. I didn't want to say sorry to him for that, but I can't say his name. So do you... Would you rather have...

A few shiny quarters. Or would you rather have a massive friend group of girls? In college, I wanted a massive friend group of girls. Okay. I think the larger net you cast, the more fish you catch, the more problems that start to happen. So now I'm like, I want... I've got my girls from home. Right? When I went and pressed the reset, I have my people from Oklahoma and that part of my life. And I've got one from California. And it's cool because you have a group text of...

you have like these is it three? There's three girls all from different parts of your life that you've like brought together which I think is incredible. Totally and I start throwing you in those group texts. I was honored when I got that group text I was like I know exactly who these three girls are. Yeah. You're like I know their names. Literally but Ariel Cote I was like that's her that's her that's her.

You're like, who are they? But I think that's like what's been my biggest joy lately is like those people from my life that I'm like, I value you. I trust you. You make me a better person. That's all you want. And then when I have kids, I'm going to go through it again. Like there's going to be mom friendships. Yeah. There's always this like evolving door through life, though, where I think you have like your friend group. So I want my friend group now to be small but loyal. What about you?

Same. Smallville Oil. From what social media and society has pressured us, I always thought the idea of a massive friend group would be so cool. Also, I never had that like we just talked about. But then every time I've gotten thrown in it, I just – I crumble. I'm so introverted, which I know people are like – I say that to people and they think I'm crazy because I do this. But when I'm in massive groups, I get so anxious. Also –

My love language is quality time. I would much rather hang out with one person and get dinner and go out with one or two people than go out with 10 people.

You've taught me a lot about like a single friendship. Yeah. Like I'm very content having you as like my friend here because you're like... Not single as in single single. Yeah. Not single as in not dating somebody as like a single line of a friend. Yeah. Because you're very just... You schedule things. You attend those things. You check up on people. Like it's almost as though it were a job and you're good at the job kind of. Yeah. And I think too, and maybe this isn't healthy, I invest a lot in my friendship. So...

All my friends in my life are not people that are just like... Everyone in my life are people I have strong connections with. I don't just have anyone in my life. If you're my friend...

you're like my friend. Maybe it's because I'm single and I haven't had a relationship in so long, so I treat my friendships more like relationships. So maybe isn't that healthy now that I'm thinking about it? But I invest in a lot of my friendships. You can't really get through to you, though, unless you allow us. So nobody could be a deep enough, like a deep friend to you unless...

You, you like let them in. Like it's pretty, you're one of two. I feel like it's, it's surfaced with you, which is what we used to be. Or it's like deep in your like in and you're like your friend and you'll do anything for that person. But there's not really any in between. Cause you have to like pass through the crop to get there. That's true.

That's a good way to put it. It's kind of like the island we talked about in the first episode. I have my island of people. Yes. And it's easy for me to kick you off, but it's really hard for them to swim over. That's funny. On the first episode, we said we're on our own island. But I could see you would let me on your island if I wanted to come over and visit. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Build a bridge. Yeah. And maybe that's why in college I struggled making friends because in college I feel like everyone's very surface level. Like they just want to party and drink and hang out with people who get them into the parties. So I just like really couldn't connect with that many people. You know what I think the biggest thing of compatibility is how you know you're compatible with somebody is if you can sit with them in silence.

Yes. Because, you know, like in college, I remember thinking I'd rather literally go eat in the bathroom and sit on a stall in silence because at least I can recharge my brain. And when you're eating with these people at the beginning at the cafeteria, you're like, so where are you from? And you're like trying so desperately to get to know this person. But it's like if you and I can do this with you, like if I can travel with you, if I can go to a meal with you, if I can sit in a room with you and we're just silent, like even on our phone or something. I'm like, that's compatibility. Cool.

I love that. Also, a thing, too, is a lot of people reached out to us and were saying, I really struggle making friends in my 20s. How do I make friends in my 20s? And I've realized throughout my life, I feel like I'm the opposite, where I had a hard time making friends in high school and college. Post-college, very, very difficult. New York, easiest thing in my entire life. I've never experienced anything.

making friends as easily. But I'm realizing it's because for the first time in my life, I'm in a place that I love in an environment with people who have the same wants and expectations out of life that I do. Do you mean New York or do you mean working here? No, New York. Okay. The people in New York are a different breed. It's like everyone's excited about life. They want more out of life. They don't think about relationship or getting married boyfriends first. We're back in Minnesota. A lot of my friends...

were really miserable. We didn't love our jobs. We were in ruts. We didn't, there wasn't a lot to do. A lot of people just wanted or were in relationships. A lot of my friends are married. They have kids. Um, so I just didn't feel like I could relate to a lot of people in Minnesota. So you're not, you're saying New York fits you. Yeah.

Yes. I'm saying like if you're struggling to meet, make friends, it's probably because of the environment you're in. And that doesn't mean you have to go move to a different state. Like, please don't do that. But maybe if you're really into working out, start like go to a gym that has workout classes or start doing classes of any sorts like cooking classes or arts and crafts. I don't even know. Like.

Like put yourself in environments where you can, you know, you're going to relate to those people because you're doing something that you like to do. Right. I didn't do that at all in Minnesota. I just did the same thing everyone else did. I think it's easy to get caught up in though. Yeah. It's just like doing what everybody else is doing. And then at that time, you probably think you don't need new friends. Yeah. You're probably like pretty complacent. A hundred percent. Yeah. And I know a lot of people too say that they actually make their closest friends in their

like upper, upper twenties, low thirties. And I'm like, that makes total sense. Those are the lifers. Those are your lifers. People either come with you from the previous phase of life and then they make it through that phase. And then they're definitely lifers or yeah, I think you make the new ones. I just think the biggest thing is don't be afraid to like, if, if a friendship goes South or something and it does have to end, I don't know. I'm not great in the friend department, but like, I don't have like a lot of advice for it. I'm like, just kind of like, I love my girls. Yeah.

And I don't have any advice on how to really make a friend. Maybe that's because I have Graham, but you kind of fell into my lap. But if a friendship does end, I think don't be afraid of that. It happens for a reason. 100%. I also think...

Like it's always a bad thing. I mean, just because you're a Frenchman doesn't mean you have to stop liking that person. It just means you don't connect with them anymore. Yeah. One time I read a book that told me to write. So there was like a friend that I'm no longer friends with. And I wrote her like a letter wishing her well and then like crumpled it up and threw away. And I ever since that moment have never felt bad about it. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. Nice. You're saying good energy that way. Right. And then you're like, oh, it's a peaceful parting. I mean, there's girls that I knew growing up my entire life where I'm not friends with them anymore. And we're not on bad terms at all. Like there's no bad blood. It's literally we fully our lives took different paths. And like my friends that I am friends with now, I'm sure in 10, 20 years, like, am I going to be friends? I don't know.

And if there is bad, but like, let's say it's like a fuck you departing type situation. That's also okay. Yeah. That happens. Like, I think people need to realize like friendships are similar to relationships where you still are allowed to mourn the death of a friendship to go through that breakup. I feel like people kind of gaslight a lot of people when they're ending friendships. They're like, oh, you were, you're being dramatic. Like you was just a friend. Get over it. And it's like, no, it's that person was,

in your life for a very long time. Like you were connected to them to some degree. Yeah. And it's hard as humans to like, let that go or to think like, what was my part of that? What was their part? Either you feel guilty or you're mad at them or it's like some types of emotions are happening and it's like, don't, it's fine. Yeah. It happens. It's life. Yeah. So I don't really know back to your question about how many friends is the right amount of friends. Probably zero after that. No, no kidding. I'm kidding. And I think too, it's,

It's definitely okay to feel like you have no friends because I felt like that for the majority of my life. I'm not kidding. Like up until I moved to New York, I have struggled with it less living in New York than I've ever had in my entire life. And I'm going to be 27 in a few months. That's true though. And sometimes I think you can have friends. You can have seven friends and still feel like I have no friends and nobody understands me at this moment in my life and I'm completely alone. Yeah.

Yes. Felt that a lot. Yes. We all feel that. A hundred percent. And even like to my friends listening from Minnesota, like I love them to death and like they know exactly who they are. But let's say there's only four of them. When you live in the same state for your 26 years of your life, like you feel like you should be having all these friends. Like, why do I only have four friends? And I've lived in this one place my entire life.

I think we all are learning like less is more though. Yeah. Kind of. 100%. I haven't talked to anybody lately past college that's like, you know what I'm looking for? A thousand friends. Everyone's pretty much like, I kind of want my little herd. Yeah. And if you, and if they do, it's usually a lot of the friendships are shallow. Yeah.

Like if people are like, yeah, I want a thousand friends. I'm like, well, you can't connect with a thousand people. So good luck with that shallow group of friends. Oh, this reminds me. Somebody on the Instagram asked this question of how do you it's something like how do you stop thinking your friends are talking shit on you or something? I don't know if you guys saw that. Yes, I did. And to that, I would. Do you agree with this? When I start thinking people are talking shit on me, it's because I don't.

I'm not happy with myself. I'm not confident or have been gossiping as well. So like what usually what you're doing is what you start thinking other people are doing about you. Oh, it's usually a fully you problem. Yeah. I'm like that. When I read that, I was like, oh no, we own, we got to deem this person back. Cause it's you, not them. Also, if your friends are talking shit about you, get a new group of friends. Like you should be able to leave the room and leave your phone in the room and know that they're not

Like if I left this room and Alana and Jordan were in it, I should be able to go to the bathroom and have zero anxiety that they said anything about me. Right? Also, like what I say...

For example, with you, if I was talking shit about you behind your back, I'm going to say it to your face. That's the type of friendship you should be able to have. Entirely. What I say to your face is what I'm saying to other people, too. You know I'm pissed. Another question, too, was I'm not in the right boat to answer this one. How do you connect with your friends more? I don't know. Yeah, I got nothing. That's a good question. It's a cute question. How to make deeper connections. And for me, I think it would be to let the walls down.

crumble down down yeah yeah would you ever sleep with a friend this is another question like a guy friend well yes or a girl so whatever I'm not a lesbian nothing wrong with that but I'm not yeah um so you know what is really funny Alex I really really struggle to make guy friends um I have this weird thing where

Unless I think you're cute, I really can't be friends with you. I know that sounds so fucked up, but I've never had guy friends, really. And all my guy friends in high school, I pretty much made out with. Wow. Yeah.

You should crop that with last week's statement about how you want guy friends. Yeah. What was it? You're kind of contradictory sometimes. I always have got to be Jordan's guy friend. Half the time I feel, I'm like, wait, what? Last week I was imagining you said you would, you would love to go on the dinner dates with Graham and the guy friend. I would love guy friends. Oh, okay. You want them. I would love, I have one guy friend. Um, he's actually visiting me in a few weeks. Um,

Very, very, very platonic. But other than him, I've never really had guy friends. In college, I did, but I had a boyfriend. So it was easy. Like, I was friends with his guy friends. But not afterwards.

I mean, like I have in Minnesota, I had like guy friends, but in the back of my head, I was just like, well, I don't have a crush on you. I'm never going to like you. So you're kind of a waste of my time. So like you would ask yourself, is it worth it? Because you're like, if I'm going to hang out with a guy, I want to like him. Yeah. Wait, let me bring this up because I asked you this the other day. Do you think it's well, I think it's a red flag when guys don't have girlfriends, platonic girlfriends. Do you disagree with that?

I think it's a major red flag. Right out of the gates, I disagreed with it when you said it. And then I thought about all the guys that I know and their girlfriends and how that shows me a lot about those guys. So therefore, I agree with you. Yeah. Because I think it means that they don't have the ability to see women in a non-sexual light. Oh, sounds like me. Vice versa. Yeah. So you don't...

men in a non-sexual life. That's right. Yo, what is wrong with me? Okay, I'll work on that. But that's a good point. I guess I never really thought about it, but it would be nice if...

If I if I had a if I started seeing a guy and he had a group of girlfriends, like knowing that he can maintain a friendship with girls and like girls liked him on a platonic way. I'm like, you're probably a good person. Totally. That's a good point. Yeah. But also it can get messy, too, where it's like that can be a little dramatic because sometimes the girls are like, I don't want a new girl in this crew. It can get a little dramatic, but I think you can always work through it. Like it's kind of the same thing as how a guy treats his mom, tells you everything about how he's going to treat you most of the time. Yeah, I always found that to be true. Sort of the same thing with the girlfriends.

Yeah. You know, like if that guy's like, oh my God, it's one of my best girlfriends. She's really drunk. I got to make sure she gets home. Can we do that for you? Yes. Like that level of caretaking kind of. Yeah. And I feel like if they don't have girlfriends, they have like this idealized relationship.

non-realistic image of women. That's a great point, Alana. So true, Alana. Wow. Maybe that's what you have for men. It's Alana's nice way of telling you. No. Literally, you guys, I feel like I'm like getting, going through like a fifth birth. Like I'm... My life... Fifth? Fifth.

Like, wait, when was your second, third and fourth birth? I've gone through a lot of different rebirths in my life. But I feel like I'm having this, um, an epiphany. Yes. That's a good word. Where I'm like rethinking everything that I ever thought, especially about guys and dating. That's healthy. And my standards. Are you low? Are you lowering your standards? Alana, you just...

I'm like speechless right now. No, that literally is. That literally is. I feel like I have this like... The way I view guys is like what I see in the movies because that's all I'm used to where other people, they view it as like their guy friends because they're around it all the time. Yeah, they view it. Correct. So like when I think of like my ideal relationship, I think of like, oh, what I see on social media and the movies, all these like fake things. But my other friends are friends with guys and they're like, we see how stupid they are. We see like...

how they're not perfect human beings that they can be capable of that like high standard but that's not them all the time so they're they have their standards are there but they're not as strict you have very and I think you're working on it but you have very strict standards yeah I don't have a high standard strict strict you just don't have any like leeway I'm such a child when it comes to boys that's

That's not what this is. Alana's like, got her. No, but that's actually such a good point. Like, I also think, too, my relationships with guys are so much better when they're organic. Yeah. Because I humanize them more versus apps don't really work for me because I put them on this, like, unbelievably high pedestal that I never allow them to get to, like, that next base. It's like one and done. Yeah, and it's also like you could just onto the next, like, whatever. Yeah.

And then there's no, you don't have to try. You can literally ghost them. Do you guys watch Sex and the City? Yes. No. So you know when Charlotte started dating Harry? Yeah. I feel like I'm going through that phase. I don't really remember. What was the plot of that? I can't remember. So Charlotte is, I hate that I'm saying this. You're kind of like Charlotte. Ah!

My heart has been ripped out of my chest. No, but literally. No, that's what I was going to say. I'm finding myself to have her unrealistic standards. So she dates these incredible men who...

Give her everything but the thing that you actually need in life, which is that connection. She marries this guy named Trey. There's no connection. They don't want the same things at the end of the day because she just wanted the perfect picture. They get divorced. And then Harry comes along, who's this imperfect human that she would never date because she's so embarrassed to what society thinks of their relationship because he's short and bald, which is not bad. Her standards, she wants this six-year-old.

a very tall man who's rich. Wow. Yeah. And then she meets Harry who's also rich though, but he's like shorter. He's bald and she even tells her friend. She's like, I'm embarrassed to what society thinks of me. I would never want to bring him out in public. Like this is not what I'm supposed to end up with. But he's like the love of her life and he loves her and cares for her and he's ever made her feel so good about herself and they fall in love. But I'm on that part of Sex and the City and I'm like,

Wow. I might need more of a Harry in my life. You're going to end up. I think it's always the opposite. I think if you have these set standards of like, I want a tall guy, a rich guy. I don't think you care about the six inch dick. Like I could care less. But in theory, if you have this, like it's, it's never that. No, like I literally was, I think that's why I'm having like this epiphany. I think I'm literally going to end up with just like a really nice, rich, nice guy. Yeah.

Right. You are. Absolutely. Who's not what I ever thought I would end up with. It's never when you think you're going to end up with them, who you think you're going to end up with, like...

It's never that. Nobody can write their story and it ends up as that. I know. Wow. Life, though. I feel like a changed human being right now. Mean Girl Pod, where we tried to talk about friends, but it went back to me and my dating. I think it's interconnected. It did seem like it was. Yeah, there was a lot of overlap. And I'm excited about your second date. Also, what Alana said to me is just...

burned in your brain i need to make guy friends i need to make guy friends no don't do any of that though like it doesn't have to be it doesn't open yourself up to it but it's not so strict ruled remember you don't have any days left either you know like yes she's like it doesn't you can't put make guys on a to-do list and then cross it off there's two types of men in this world

The guys who open the door for you and the guys who don't. So the reason why I said that, the other day I was walking in my apartment and my hands were filled with groceries and there were these two guys who were exiting. One guy opened the door, pretty much slammed in my face and just kept walking. The other guy opened it

held it open for me and let me walk through and then went and I go wow there are literally two types of people in this world the ones that slam the door in your face and the ones that see that you're struggling and help you lessen the load it's nice it's nice they lessen the load

Good for you. Yeah. But yeah, I just, I remember that when you said that. I love when guys hold the door open. It's really nice. Just like the little things, you know, because relationships are supposed to lessen the load. Yes. I also, though, I usually hold the door open no matter what, if it's a girl or a guy. You should. Then when I'm having a bad day, sometimes I does slam. That's true. You never know what people are going through. But this guy, I mean, I had groceries. Groceries. And you know, in New York City, you have to walk everywhere. And we live in a, I live in a six story apartment.

walk up and I was like this man just slammed the door in my face yeah come on guy if you're ever questioning a friendship just make sure they lessen the load if a friend ever increases the load get rid of them well no I think there are times when friends definitely increase the load I increased my friend's load during my reset you increased my load sometimes you have to absorb that but you have to want to absorb it and then there'll be times when they make overall not even lessen the load but make your life better yeah but also I will say you increased the load but you communicated it

Yeah. Like you made me very aware that this was going to happen. Right. And you're very good about being like, I'm going through change in my life. This is not going to be me forever. Right. You're just really good. You're an excellent communicator. That's nice. Thank you. Thank you. You just like drop a load on somebody and you're like, deal with that. You're like, okay, this is going to happen. I promise it'll get better, but this is where I'm at. And you like keep me posted with your process. Keep you posted. Yeah. Like that. So one of the biggest...

questions we received through dms and um just on instagram was everyone was like how do you move to new city and make friends or how do you move to a new part of your life and make friends and the cool thing about us is we did it the same way yeah we went on bumble bumble bff i i will i swear by it

It's like, though, it's thinking about dating. I always think if I was single, like, how nice it would be single right now because you can get on a dating app. And then there's a whole slew of people that you know guaranteed are single. Well, I think the biggest thing we're learning throughout this episode is treat friendships like relationships. Any, like, it is a relationship. Yeah, it's like the same principles. Yeah.

I wish it was a different term for like a boyfriend girlfriend relationship versus a friendship. But they both apply to an app. So there's got to be a lot of crossover like on a friend app. Okay. You know how there's those people that are born and raised in New York live in New York went to NYU and they have all their friends built in here. They're probably not on the dating app. No, I mean on the friendship app. Correct. We used to always say actually the only reason we would swipe left on Bumble was if they were born and raised in

In L.A. or like in Newport, because we're like, that's kind of a flag. Like you probably have your friends or like you can meet them through other friends. But if like you're a transplant, I'm a transplant. How else how else are we supposed to meet people if not through work? Yeah. Like I. So when I started here, I did not work at Barstool. I worked at a company that was fully remote for the foreseeable future. Like they were they kept doing that. We'll go back in September. We'll go back in October. Well, they're still not back.

So I was like, okay, don't get the work friends because we're all remote. Don't know anyone moved here knowing literally nobody. So I was like, I'm going to put myself out there and I'm going to go on Bumble. And I got so lucky. I met a girl who we went on a date and she was like, hey, can I bring another girl? And then she was like, can I bring another girl? And I was like, more the merrier. That's so fun. I know because I was like, okay, if this doesn't work out, I do not want to sit with somebody and force a conversation. Yeah.

I got so unbelievably lucky. These three girls are literally my everything in New York. Like, we're friends to this day. We do everything together. So I will preface, like, I got really lucky. Yeah. But...

It was all about like putting yourself out there and being inclusive. Like the girl that included everyone was extremely inclusive and pushed everyone to meet up versus like, no, I have a date with like one girl and we're just going to like do the one thing. Okay, I'm going to make friends with her and be selfish. It's like, no, she's inclusive and brought everyone together. Yeah, that's see, that's so nice to have that person and to like get that hit. I'll say it's always not. It's not always that successful when I moved to L.A.,

I was on Bumble and I probably went on like seven or eight dates that just like we had nothing in common. Really? Yes. And I kept God, that's so weird. Graham there with you. Graham was there. OK, so I'm so proud of you, Alex. That's amazing. It was right when I moved there because they say when you move somewhere, it takes a year to get acclimated. I had lived in Oklahoma my whole life. Like I had never moved out. I went to college 30 minutes down the road. I had the same friends. Making friends was very easy for me the early part of my life. Then I moved out. So I moved out to Orange County.

I'm generalizing LA. I ended up moving up to LA, but I moved to Orange County at first, which is a lot older. There's not as many young people there. So I joined Bumble BFF and I probably went really on seven or eight dates. And then I went on a date where I met a girl whose boyfriend played in the basketball league, which Graham ended up joining. And through that basketball league, I met like one of my very, very, very best friends. That'll be like one of my best friends forever.

Wait, is it one of the ones in the group chat? Katie, yeah. Wait, that's so cool. Yeah. So, but my point is, I mean, and that probably took a year to meet her. So when they say when you move to a new city, it takes a year. I found there that it really did take a year. I cried a lot that year. Like, I was like, I'm never going to have a friend. I just want to move back home. But everyone kept saying, like, stick it out. It'll take a year. Totally took a year. And I went on a lot of bad Bumble dates. But like, I didn't care. It was fun to go. And it gave you

something to do and look forward to doing. Yeah, it was like no problem and it all worked out in the end but like you were one and done. Like successful one three friends. It was incredible. But I also think like the universe was finally giving me a break because like I said I struggled my entire life making friends and not because I'm a bitch like I just I'm so introverted where it's hard for me to connect with people. Totally. Um,

But, like, I'm not, like, a psycho. I just, like, am very introverted, so it's hard for me to find people that I connect with. I can't wait to watch this back. I have a lot of problems. I've struggled my whole life making friends. What a great episode. I hope this episode is fully just...

some best friends chatting in your ear today all over but I feel like when you're talking with your girlfriends every that's like the like you just are hypocritical all throughout the whole time totally back and forth never know what you think dynamic humans what dynamic thoughts exactly Alana Alana's hitting us with

all of the right answers today. Okay. And on that note, make sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel. We're almost at a thousand. Thank you. Follow us on Instagram. We're almost at 10,000. Thank you. TikTok, Twitter, the whole shebang. You know, you know what we do. And we'll see you guys next Monday. Yes. Next Monday. Have a great week.