The Mean Girls First Date 50:40

Hey idiots, welcome back to another episode of Mean Girl Pod. I'm Jordan. I'm Alex.

The intro is getting good. I hate intros, though. They're so awkward. Because we're not formal. It's the only thing we're formal about is intros. You say, hey, idiots. Yeah. We're hopping right in on this episode. Yeah, let's get right into it. Okay, so we have to do the current event. And people think that we're mean. But we are not. Still, still, still $3.6 billion worth of crypto mean. Who did that? The new Bonnie and Clyde of the generation. Who? I don't know their names. Somebody knows their names. But that's the largest amount of money that's

The, I have to look at my notes, Justice Department has ever seized. Ever. So they're calling them like modern day Bonnie and Clyde. And it was all crypto? It was all crypto. And there's still like six million dollars missing or six, some number. Which is crazy because crypto is like not actually like real money. Exactly. That's crazy. If you think we're mean. They're worse. Focus on them. Okay, Alex.

What did we do on Friday? So many people have an issue with what we did on Friday. We went to Staten Island.

It's not that we first of all can I say something to you you may I have a personal problem with you with me yeah it's with you oh you're you're you're toxic trait is scheduling something and then following through with it like you're like Friday at 11 we're gonna go to Staten Island and on Monday I'm like sure fuck it whatever Friday 11 I'm sure by then we'll have rescheduled that 17 times but

But each day you're like, remember, Friday, 11 o'clock. I'm like, are we actually going to go? I send you a schedule like weekly now, but we're doing and you stick to it. Also, did you hear what you said? Your toxic trait is scheduling and sticking with it. That's terrible. And then Friday morning rolls around and I'm like, perfect. We're obviously going to push this back to noon. And you arrived early. You texted me at 1040. You're like, hi, I'm here. And I was like, these are serial killer vibes.

Honestly, I have an issue where I can't be late. I've never been late. I'm always early. You're early and you stick to the plans. I'm like, we're going to cancel this, right? Never. No. I am the most reliable human being you'll ever meet. Oh, I have the chills thinking about it. You're like, be here at 1130. I come at 1052. Yeah, and you're like, hi, I'm here. It's fine if you want me just to go walk around, but I am here in your lobby. And I'm like, come on up. I still thought there was plenty of time to cancel. But never mind, because you're here.

So we go to Staten Island. That was fun. Kind of. We didn't. It was fine. We wanted to ride the ferry. Oh, also something I have to say about that. So many people had an issue with me saying we were back on New York soil. They meant they were mad because I should have said Manhattan soil. Yeah. Like a Staten Island is New York. I was getting some similar DMs. Do I care? I like, I don't know. We just wanted to ride the ferry. Like you have to understand. Yeah. Staten Island. That's awesome. I don't, I couldn't pick it out on a map. We wanted to ride the ferry.

The coolest thing was that we got to see Lady Liberty. Yeah. Like, think about it. We went to the Statue of Liberty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then had to get off and, like, walk around for 10 minutes and get back on. And I hated it because I felt so claustrophobic there because I kept thinking, I'm like, if that fairy never comes back, I'm going to be stuck on here forever. Yeah. And I just wanted to leave. Yeah. And Pete Davidson wasn't there, so, like, whatever. That's a pop culture. Let's talk about the blacklist. Things we're not allowed to talk about. Pop culture. Death. Death.

Space. Zoom calls. And my mom. And interrupting. And we're not allowed to interrupt each other. Do we have one more that we can't talk about or is that it? That's it. Jeez. What a great blacklist. But what have you already done? You've talked about pop culture. So sorry. You don't think I didn't want to talk about Pete Davidson? Don't say it. Stop. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Making a bad thing worse. Okay. But anyways, we just went on a field trip. Our goal is that every Friday we want to do like a fun field trip because it's, you know,

It's our freshman year. So Jordan and I realized that we're the only two freshman girls at Barstool in the office. Yeah. There's other ones. Megan and Kelly are also in our class, but they're like at boarding school. Yeah. Because they work at home. They're homeschooled. They're homeschooled. Yeah. And Jordan and I are the only two here, the only two girls here.

Freshman year reporting to the office and we are taking the freshman year and obviously that's what this podcast is all about. Yeah and it's been and we like started very like close to the same time frame so like you and I started freshman year at the same time. We're like a month apart. Yeah it's like we're like six months apart like we came into this right on schedule.

And so our freshman, the first field trip was Staten Island. And then last week, the other thing we did was deem Thursday night date night. Yes. Yes. It's almost like you forgot. Yeah, I did. Cause I, I was, I started to feel sick just now. Yeah. Why?

PTSD? It works. Because it's something I have to tell you. Oh. But like, I don't know if I can talk about it because I feel like sick thinking about it. So we'll just talk about it later. Wait, what was it? I can't. I don't want to talk about it right now. Did you do something? Yeah, I feel sick. I actually feel sick. I'm sick. We're moving on. We'll talk about it at the end maybe if I can.

Hold on. I wasn't. So you and I were bonding this podcast. We're using it to bond us and we didn't hang out last night because, and I like missed you. I missed you. Yeah. We went out separately, which was weird. We're never doing that again. We learned our lesson. Did you do something last night that you want to tell me?

I mean, I did a lot last night that I shouldn't have done, but that's not what I want to tell you. Something else. Yeah. I feel I'm like shaking. Okay. Wait, save it till the end. Okay. Also though, I will say I went out without Alex and I felt like a part of me was missing. I agree. Like I, I almost feel like we, we trauma bonded or we like imprinted on one another. It

It was a trauma. We had a trauma bond from the mean girl tornado. So now when I'm not with you, I'm like, a part of me is missing. And I don't feel like anybody understands me. No, it's like my, sorry, sorry, Graham, but my significant other is missing. Exactly. I felt the same way. Okay. We're on path to hopefully maybe find me one. To find you a significant other? Maybe. All right. So Thursday night is now date night. Yes. What a day. So this past Thursday, you went on your first date. My first hinge date.

Now let's talk about something. These dates we're going to report on. However, if they're a good date, we're going to talk about how good the date was. A hundred percent. If we're never going to, we're not going into this being like how we're going to fuck with everyone's life. Like if the date's good, we're going to be like, this was an amazing date. This man is amazing. I will go on a second date. Call it what you want, but I'm going to say there's some integrity in our reporting. Okay.

Yeah. Fucked up as it may be. You're never going to know these guys' names. No. You're not going to see their faces. No. We're never going to reveal who these people are. We're not evil. We're mean, not evil. Yeah. Big difference. Pass that. We don't give a shit what you say. Yeah. No. No, no, no. On to the date. On to the date. So the best thing we can do is chronological order. Yes. But first...

We're going to call this man Clifford. That's his name. I think we announced it on Twitter. So people should know. This is Clifford. This is Clifford. His alias is Clifford. People are like, this guy's name's Clifford. And I'm like, yo, no, it's not. No. Yeah. It's an alias because we don't reveal people's names or faces. We never will. Even if you beg us, we will never reveal their identity because we're not evil. Exactly. Like we're not calling him Tucker like his name. We're calling him Clifford. I'm just kidding. It's not. That's a joke. It's a complete joke. It's not Tucker. Okay.

All right. So you go. It's Thursday night. Yeah. You're dressed up. You look great. Wait. Oh, should we back up about like how it was set up? The tax? Yes. Everything. Okay. So...

And just to be clear, like this is my hinge. Like I'm matching with these individuals. Like I think that these people I'm matching with are attractive. Alex is just helping me solidify the dates. That's all you're doing. I do the messaging. Yeah. But with Clifford, it's important to note you matched with him before Mean Girl was even a thought. Oh.

100%. We matched a while back and I always thought he was cute, but I'm so bad with hinge and dating gives me severe anxiety. I just dismissed it until Alex came around and was like, I have a great idea. Let's pimp you out to the world. And then I went through and I was like, okay, these are the guys I've matched with that you can talk to because I think they're cute.

and here's the best part about Clifford when he messaged you he didn't do he wasn't like hey what's up no he dove right in was like hey do you want to go on a date which I was like this is refreshing amazing let's cut the bullshit and let's just go on the date yes I I love that like if you talk to someone for too long like we're gonna get sick and tired of you and we're just gonna move on just ask him out he asked he asked us out immediately asked us out on a date immediately also

Also, it's New York, so it's not that hard to get her. Just go meet him in person. You can find out everything you need to know. Well, sometimes. So a pro to Clifford for the immediate ask out. Yes. Yes. And then he also picked the place. He picked a very nice place. I don't think we should probably say the name of the place. No, but it was nice. It was a very nice place. He picked it. He planned it. Yeah.

Everything was going well up until me asking if the date was still on. So Thursday day, the day of the date, he did not text you and confirm? No, and I have a rule by like 3 p.m. That's like when I'm going to give in and ask. Because like at the end of the day, like yes, I want the man to always confirm it. But I also don't want to show up to the date and get stood up.

So what's your like ideally in a perfect world when does a guy text you to confirm? I think between like 10 and 12. That's exactly what I was thinking. Of course. Because then you can plan it in your head all day. Yes and then I also know that I should be getting more ready. Like doing better makeup doing my hair better that day. Yeah you're getting date ready. Getting date ready. Because you have a job so you got to go to so there's a lot of factors. Okay. Well they saw the factors it's like 13 steps.

I don't mess around you do you have a whole date ritual I do so you want to know between 10 and noon you're going on the date yeah not that did not happen in this instance so yeah he I texted him at three I was like hey are we still on tonight and he did have a decent response he was like I'm sorry I've been in meetings all day I was just about to text you looking forward to getting drinks with you so I was like okay whatever did he say anything else

Yes. He was a little too eager and a little bit too detailed for me that right off the bat, like he was like, I already looked at the menu. We're going to get three apps. I already know what apps we're going to get. And I was like, dude, I'm not eating on this date. Wait, he knew that specifically? Did he say three? I'm 99% sure he said three. So you're going to get three dates and he already looked at the menu and knew? No, three apps. Three apps, sorry. And he already looked at the menu and knew? Yeah. What if you were lactose intolerant? Yeah. Yeah.

Hold on. Also, so you don't like the whole pre-date menu thing, like looking it up? No, I don't like to eat on first dates. So factor number one was that you ate beforehand. You ate with me. No, not with you. Okay.

Right. With my alias. The other thing is the day was at 8 p.m. Yeah. A lot of girls eat earlier than that. But the third thing is the menu is like part of the conversation on a date. Yeah. You're like, oh, what do you like? Like, and then you could even be like, what's your favorite food? Yeah. And they could answer a food about where they're from. But also who eats on the first date?

Not me. Not you. So you're not, you don't eat on the first date and you don't do casual sex. Got it. Is everyone tracking what Jordan does and doesn't do? Cause I am. Forgot I said that. Yeah. No, you don't. Forgot you said you don't do casual sex. On the last episode, Jordan announced she no longer does casual sex. She did it at one point, but does not do it now. Yeah. Is it true? No.

Yep. It's true until it's not. It's true until you go on a good date. It's true until... That's actually true. I like that. That's true. So you... I'm with you on the whole, like, let's not do the menu thing ahead of time and let's not say three apps. Anyways, you and I go eat at 6 p.m. Mm-hmm.

I'm dressed up. 5.30. 5.30. Yeah. And then I think we went at 5. Because we would never want to go past the sun setting. It would be a sheer tragedy. Alex didn't just dress up. She showed up as a whole new human being. I didn't. I wanted to be obvious, yet not. Okay. I'm just going to say it. Alex is gorgeous. That's nice. Not with this. Not with this.

I've never thought you were ugly. It was so scary. I was just going to wear a mustache because my hair is pretty short, so I could just wear a hat and a mustache. Then I saw this wig. And then before I knew it, I just literally looked nothing like myself. Long brown wig, like...

Like 80s hairstyle, like comb back bangs. Oh, it was so bad. But it was so obvious. So obvious. It was so obviously a disguise that that comes into play later. But it was every buddy that like at the first restaurant we went to the people at the table next to us. They're like, oh, that's funny. Like I'm clearly in a costume. Exactly. The thing is like we're in New York City. So people aren't like totally confused, but people like, no, it's like it's

It's a costume. It was great. No one cared. And also we were at a fancy place for the date. Alex just had a full suit on though. She did. She full, full suit, mustache, crazy glasses, long brown hair, a hat. You were unrecognizable. One glass of wine and Jordan's like, I just wish you would have picked a different wig. Sounds ugly. And I'm like, well, duh. I'm like, could you just have been,

have been a normal person in disguise? Why do you have to be like a whole new character? Every Thursday though, I'm going to be somebody new. Yes. That was uncle Sterling. That was uncle Sterling. Yes. So then, okay. So you and I go eat and then we go to the date. Yes. And the date location was an awesome place. Like I will for sure go back there. It was nice. So nice. It was fancy. Like I felt underdressed being there and I had jeans, black jeans and a blouse on. And the next time I even told Alex, I was like, I have to wear like leather pants.

So it's a fancy spot and you're there first. Yes. But he was texting you. Yeah. So he was running late because of the subways, which is no one's fault. And I really was appreciative of him giving me a heads up versus him like at eight o'clock being like, oh, by the way, I'm going to be 10 minutes late. Like he was telling me in advance.

So, so then he finally arrives. He was only five minutes late. Yeah. Totally fine. His profile said he's six, four. He was every, I thought for sure this guy's going to be six, two in the roster. I was six, four. He was totally six, four. And he was very cute. I thought, Oh my God, he was, I'll say he was hot. Like he was so attractive. Like I was very physically attracted to him. Good looking guy. If you're listening, you are hot. Okay. Yeah. Oh, he's listening. He's

Clifford, you were cute. Okay, we'll give you that. And he was 6'4". And I've never gone out on a date with a guy probably taller than like 6'1". So I loved the height. Yeah. So he checked all of those boxes. But he was wearing a fucking hoodie. Wearing a hoodie. And I'm sorry. One, never wear a hoodie on a first date. Unless you're going to like a sporting event.

But we were at a very fancy restaurant. We were in the financial midtown district area, whatever you call it. So like everyone there's in suits. Like it's after work. People are getting drunk. Everyone's wearing a suit. He's in a fucking hoodie and he has a good job. So I know he could afford a nicer shirt. Well, he also had a watch on with this hoodie. Yeah, he's wearing it.

He's wearing a Rolex. Because he talked about it. That's how we know that it was a Rolex. Yeah. So homeboy rolls up. White. Everyone's asking the sneakers. They're white, like clean, regular sneakers. Jeans, hoodie, Rolex. He is 6'4". He's cute. He walks right in and he sits down. He gave you a hug. He didn't give me a hug. Like if I didn't know better, I thought we were at Dave and Buster's in Times Square. Oh, not going to let Clifford down easy, are you? No, the outfit.

Like, why should I go into all this effort to look nice and then you show up in a hoodie?

I do think there's some – I do think the rule for guys is just always err on the side of dressier for a date. Like, the jeans were fine, but, like, why don't I put on age? What do guys wear? Button-ups? Anything. Yeah. Here's the thing, too. You could go – because he had to go home from work to change, right? Yes. So – Just keep your suit on. Honestly, she's like, sorry, I came from work. Literally, like, I would have been so – okay, honestly, I probably would have thought you were hotter because, like, in a suit –

Even a flannel is fine. Button up a flannel. That's nicer than a hoodie. Yeah. Okay. What does he order to drink? I thought it was a French 75. I tweeted a French 75. It wasn't. No, it was a dirty martini. Um, which what you got a problem with that? A dirty martini on a first date. That is like, I'm about to get fucked up.

know how much alcohol is in a martini. I do happen to know. Yeah. Like what? Did he, did you say something about the glass? Wasn't there a glass comment made? Yeah, I was like, what kind of glass? So it came in a French 75 glass, but it was a martini. And I was like, why is it not even in a martini glass? And he goes, this is a martini glass. And I'm like, no, it's not. Martini glasses are like, oh wait, he said it's not in a martini glass. No, I said it's not. And he said, yeah, it is. Hold on. We're not.

So he, that kind of insinuates that's, that sort of goes along with maybe his personality here for the rest of the date. Like don't correct me. And I know my facts and that was not a traditional martini glass, right? Like that was like this martini glasses are like this.

And also he could just be Okay okay hold on So then I tweet that it looked like From my perspective He was We just have to make sure people know You're positioning at the date Oh yeah I had a great view So we were sitting on a booth table I was sitting on this side My date was sitting here Alex was directly behind us at the bar Yeah so if you're just listening Just know I was within 7 to 5 feet Yeah

And she was live tweeting the whole date. If you're not on Twitter, you probably should follow us because we're going to be doing this every Thursday. Yeah, it's pretty. The Twitter part. And I was copying those to Instagram too so you could follow there. Yeah. But here's the thing. I was standing. Like, I could walk to the left, to the right. I could see everything. Actually, we should probably have this place be the permanent date spot because it was that convenient for me. It's,

Yes it was It was Like literally So I have another date Coming up And he mentioned a bar And I was like We can't go there Because there's gonna be Nowhere for Alex to go Yeah I have to be At the table nearby The thing about it too Was the staff was totally in Yeah Because they were like You look ridiculous What are you doing And I'm like Oh I'm just watching Not even spying I'm just watching that date I'm

Like, abruptly watching. Yeah, you didn't have, like, a menu in front of your face. You were just there. I was just filming. If he would have turned around and, like, cracked his back, he would have saw you. 100%. But he didn't. Okay, so I tweeted that your...

You're not talking at all. He's talking. I swear it's 95 to 98% of the time. Oh no. I felt like my soul was being sucked out of my body because he was just talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. I think I said three words the whole night. So our first, the number one thing is he never asked you where you worked.

No, no. Cause you would have said, uh, you might've even, if he would have been cool. Well, hold on. We'll get, we're getting, yeah, we're, we're missing a lot of details. What else does he talk about? What's he talking about? So the biggest issue with the date was like, okay, first I can kind of understand if someone's just going to talk a lot. Cause I do know people get nervous and I'm, when I'm nervous, I say less, but some people in the nervous state, they say more. So I think he was just nervous. Um, or he just likes to talk about himself. I don't know.

But he just was giving me so many weird details about his life that I didn't need to know. Like giving me numbers of how much he spent at the Hamptons, that he goes to Montauk, that he has like two beach houses. I mean, that are his families. But like he was just giving me so much like that he flies first class, that he'll spend $200 at this restaurant. Like just hold on. You don't need to know. You said that way too fast. I have got to, I have to pick apart a couple. Not pick apart, ask a couple questions. Yes.

How do you say in a sentence? First of all, guys, check your ego at the door on a date. Check your ego in general. Check the fucking ego. Yeah. I don't care. No. Okay. How do you say in a sentence with a straight face that you fly first class? What is the context?

even know. I don't even know why we were talking about flying. I don't know. So he just somehow tells you he flies first class. Hey, what's your favorite color? By the way, I fly first class whenever I get the chance. You're not casually like, you know, I was flying from here to Florida. I was flying in, you know, row two, C to Florida. Like, why do you know he flies first class? I don't. It literally, we were talking about

like Florida. I actually think we were talking about Florida, but I don't know why anyone would ever be specific about what class you were in. How do you know how much per head he's spending in the Hamptons? What's the number?

$2,500. Per head? For five days. I think it was five days. Yeah. Why do you know that? I don't know, Alex. He gave me so many intimate details about things I don't need to know. Like, don't get me wrong. You guys know I want a rich man, but don't, I want a humble rich man. Don't flaunt your money. Humble rich man. We got to be cool first. Yeah. And then you can be rich later. Then you can be like, oh, by the way, I'll add you to the Hamptons trip that I spent $2,500 on.

Why do you know the number of that? It's going to drive me crazy. Why do I know any of this? And then he just casually told you about his family's beach houses? Yeah, like, I don't want to give away too many details, but yeah, like, his family has, like, two beach houses. But yeah, and like, he was talking about his favorite restaurants, and he was giving me that specific details. Like, this restaurant is $200 per head. It's my favorite restaurant. So I'm like, why do you even have to say that?

Why? Okay. Did he ask you why? Why did he ask you any questions? Um, no, the only time. So he did. I don't want to say like he didn't ask me anything. So he did ask me what I did. I said digital media because that's not a lie. Like I do work in digital media and I can be like, I'm a content creator. Like that's weird. Right.

So I said digital media. And then the conversation was directly removed back or moved back to him. So he didn't even ask me like, what type of digital media? What company do you work? Like nothing. It was just like, what do you do? Okay. And by the way, this is more about me. So.

every single time he brought it back to him yes gosh like he did ask me one cool question it was name two places that have been your favorite places to visit and then two places you want to visit I say my answer boom back to him like so for instance if you're like my favorite place is London he's like I've been to London seven times yes oh my literally literally and like

Every, it was about him the whole time. So I know, I know, I pretty much know this kid's social security number at this point. Wow. Yeah. And he was flaunting the dollars. Flaunting the dollars. Okay. So you had said you had sex. So then you slept with him. He was a particular. And Jordan's like, so bad? No. No. So you had said that you wanted to be there for an hour and a half. Yeah.

Do you usually do that on dates? No. So I think like two hours is good for a date. And I always get too stressed or like scared to be like, by the way, I got to go. So I will just wait out until they do it. And sometimes I'm there for like four hours. Okay. But with him, I was like, get me the fuck out of here. I want to go home. So I like have the balls, which I've never had where I was like, hey, can we get the check? I have to get up early tomorrow.

Respect. Respect. Who got the check? He did pay. I offered, obviously, but he didn't pay. This mean girl over here did offer to pay. I did. So what did he say when you offered? Oh, he said, no, don't worry. Like, I got it. It was just like a normal answer. Yeah. Yeah. Normal answer. $2,500 pop in the Hamptons going to get the tab. Oh, I forgot to tell you, he did ask to see me again on that first day.

It won't. That's not going to happen. Does he know anything about you? No. Nothing. Well, he does now. Yeah. Okay. We'll get to that. He finds out. No. He knows a few things, but because I...

tried to tell him a little bit about myself so if he knows anything about you it's because you volunteered it yourself 100 okay 100 so you guys get up to leave and I saw him get the door for you did he hug you outside yeah we hugged outside and then he just let me leave like that's fine I didn't want him to follow me anyways because I had to go back into the restaurant and find Alex and

We were in Midtown and I was like, okay, I'm just going to go this way. He wasn't like, are you subwaying? Are you walking? Are you getting an Uber? Are you getting a taxi? None of that. He literally was just like, okay, bye. Because as far as he knew, you were walking home. Yeah, which is horrible because we left the date at like 930 or 10 in freaking Midtown, Moldova.

very far from my apartment I would not feel safe well I would feel safe walking I did walk I did walk home alone and it was later than 9 30. Graham and I my husband and I let her walk home alone later. Yeah yeah oh yeah that's something we have to say um Alex who who

Who joined you for the date? At the bar? Yeah. Oh, my husband came. Yeah, you guys. So if everyone's wondering what her husband thinks, he joined. He was there. Yeah. You might wonder like when Jordan and I are out till 5 a.m., what does he think? And he just, he laughs. And when we go on crazy dates, he comes. And he's our moral compass. Yes. We run everything by him. So if Graham thinks it's okay, it's okay. Yes. And if you think that's crazy, like Graham is the sweetest human being in the entire universe. Graham was okay with this whole thing because we never said this guy's name and we never showed his face.

And we never will And we never will We'll never After this we're not Ever going to talk About him again No Clifford It wasn't that interesting Unfortunately No Okay so Rico Who works here Texted Jordan and I In a group text And he was like Just in my opinion The guy should have Walked Jordan straight To her door Yes Rico knows how to Treat a woman He always gives The best dating advice Let's ride Rico Let's ride And you know what I was like as simple

as that is yeah he should have walked you home yes because like I have four things a guy should always do on a date and he did multiple a multiple of them where it's like they should plan the date they should pay they should make sure you get home safe I can't remember what the fourth is right now and he did the first two

But not the last one. That just goes to show you right there, though. On paper, this guy might look great. Yeah. But that's like a resume. You know, it doesn't show you everything. Like, I don't know. I feel like... Oh, the last one is if he doesn't make... Like, bring you to your door. Like, at least text you when you get home and be like, hey, did you make it home safe? He didn't even text me that night. He sure didn't. I'm wondering. I think I know why now. All right. So, Jordan receives no text messages from this man that night. Which is fine because I was...

A little drunk and I went right to bed. Yeah, you didn't need the text. No, I didn't need the text. The next morning at 9.17, Clifford wakes up and Clifford is pissed. I get the scariest text I've ever received in my life.

entire life don't even give him that much credit it's not that scary as much as it is just like dude yeah that's right i wasn't scared i laughed i was actually crying laughing i was dying okay we're not gonna read you the full text because honestly nobody like nobody has this much time well yeah because he didn't just send me one text five total five from nine to four p.m i had received five texts you have the big iphone like you don't have the small you have the pro iphone and it's got the

big the paragraphs are so long they're scroll worthy on that screen oh three screenshots they fit all five texts so he starts out the first text i've just jotted down the most important takeaways um did you seriously have a friend secretly standing behind you yeah no if i'm secretly standing there in a mustache with a full-blown wig on in a man's suit mm-hmm

I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, it wasn't secret. It was live. We were tweeting about it live. We were not secret about this at all. Couldn't have been more obvious. Couldn't have been more obvious. If one of his friends did perhaps send him one of our Twitter accounts, don't say your friend was secretly standing behind you. Well, and the only way, now that I'm thinking this through, the only way he would have known it was even him was that

His friends or whoever showed him the tweets or how he of how he found out knew what I looked like. Must have because you showed my face, but we never showed his identity. So for all we know, this could have been a different person. You know what I mean? I'm thinking about that right now. Yeah, like there was nothing that said like this. This is X guy. Yeah, that lives here that works here. So his friends must have been like, okay, this girl looks familiar. How else would they have known that was him? Yeah, I don't know how they connected the dots. That's like what I'm actually starting to think about now. Like, how did he know?

Then he says that this whole thing is a waste of his time and other guys' time. Yeah. Let me shout it from the rooftops.

if you take Jordan Woodruff on a fabulous date we're gonna be sitting in this room being like shit Jordan's falling in love Jordan likes this guy Jordan's got a gigantic crush like you heard me I told him I everyone knows Clifford's hot and tall I'm not gonna lie if this guy takes me on an awesome date you'll know about it I'm gonna brag about him to all of my friends and I will hopefully well and hopefully he'll take me on a second date yeah and then we're gonna be in here being like oh I hope he messes up because you're not allowed to fall in love for 365 yeah so it

like we're not we're not just sabotaging these dates like they're legitimate dates not sabotaging the dates we're mean not evil yeah well Clifford's sabotaging himself then he says next text this is the next text he has had a brutal week at work he's on five hours of sleep same he powered through to get drinks with you oh

I'm so lucky. Clifford, you're not Mark Zuckerberg. No, fuck off. We're not giving out awards of who works harder. Also, five hours of sleep is pretty standard in New York fucking city, okay? Yeah, it's all good. And you know what, Clifford? Thanks for powering through. Yeah, thank you, Clifford, because I also was getting about five hours of sleep that week. For a guy that's getting five hours of sleep, you sure can talk.

that's the truth. Then he said, you seem like a nice girl. Clifford, you wouldn't know. You didn't ask her one thing, right? He kept saying that you seemed like a nice girl. I'm like, how would you know? You know nothing about me. He's trying to make you feel bad. Like you, you did seem at one point like a nice girl. At what point? Why? Because I was listening to you talk the entire night without interrupting you. That's why I'm nice.

excited the bare fucking minimum of listening to you just talk for an hour and a half about yourself and how rich you are. And he said this is the most childish situation he's ever witnessed. I never said I was mature. And Clifford, your texts are coming off a little childish. Yeah. Yeah. For a guy that now knows this, we're going to be tweeting about this. I'd start with the voice texts, right? I'd get out of screenshot land, right? I

I'd be like, like he knows, he knows we're tweeting about this. So he's just giving me more content. He's fueling my fire. He's reeling because, okay. Okay. And here's the other thing. He's unmatched you on hinge at this point. Power play Clifford. Wow. I already screenshotted your profile anyways. Got him. You're going to, yeah, I'm sure, you know, the unmatched.

Yeah, I was like, ooh, yeah, I don't fucking care because I don't want to ever go on a date with you again. He's been... The next one. He's been following Barstool since high school and he understands for a girl how hard it must be to come up with content. Clifford? Like, okay, oh, so, sorry. You understand how hard it is to come up with content. You don't fucking work in content. Two, you understand what it's like to be a girl, but...

Like, dude, you're making me hate you one sentence at a time. Clifford, with guys like you, it's not that hard to come up with content. Also, thank you for giving me the content. And two, Clifford, you love Barstool?

Like, what? Like, you know, as soon as you found out I worked at Barstool, you would have been like, okay, I know why you're doing what you're doing. And if you have followed Barstool since high school, I would expect a little bit of a humorous personality. Yeah, like, no one's like, I listen to Barstool, but I also read the Bible. Like, what? I'm sure there are those, but... No, there are not.

You just can't. I've followed Barstool since high school. Then, bro, like, here's my number one thing about this whole scenario. You would not be nearly this mad if you were proud of your performance on the date. Also, can we please say, maybe, maybe, if you would have asked me more of what I did and where I worked, we would never be in this position because I would never have lied to you. I would have straight up told you I work at Barstool, and if you would have said, what do you do at Barstool, I would have told you I have a podcast called

called Mean Girl. And my co-host is standing behind you. Literally, if you were cool, I would have been like, hey, want to know like a funny joke? Look behind you. This guy's like, holy shit, like I love barstool, like that stuff's funny, but guess what else is funny? Yeah. We talked about it. We're like, our dream is to find a guy that's like,

cool enough that's just like hanging out with you and then eventually i end up sitting at the table with you guys exactly exactly we are here for fun we're not out here i was like the fbi like trying to like sabotage sabotage people's lives like we just want to have fun if you don't have a sense of humor this isn't your podcast like fuck off like oh my god then he proceeds to say this is not how a normal person conducts business yeah i'm not normal it's it

what and i don't even know kevin rudy's still at the super bowl oh yeah rudy's like got delayed kevin is now laughing at that comment not a not how a normal person conducts business okay bro what normal person works at barstool if you are such a big fan of barstool they won normal human being at this company and what business are we conducting it was an hour and a half date that you wore a hoodie to yeah not business no not a transaction um

That's where I wrote down a normal, yeah. Okay, then I tweeted out. Wait, also, can we just say I didn't respond to one of these texts? So, yeah, so that's the fourth text. Then I put out a tweet that a guy DMs me and he says, hey, if I take Jordan out on a normal date, are you going to report that? And I'm like, absolutely. And he's like, okay, he says, coach, put me in. Yeah, absolutely.

And I was like, okay, this is the kind of guy I'm talking about here. If I take Jordan out on the date of a lifetime, we were going to be sitting in here being like, holy shit, guys, here's what you do. Yeah. This guy, Clifford, sees that tweet. And then he sends a follow-up text to Jordan saying he would be open to coming on the podcast. Oh, and that we're waving the white flag and that he wants peace. And that he would like to correct a few inaccuracies. I'm wondering if those inaccuracies are if he has these houses. If not.

He does any of these things that he said. Yeah. Or maybe like why he wore a fucking hoodie to the date. I mean, he's for sure six four. That's the only thing I can. I mean, I don't know what I don't know what inaccuracies he wants to correct. I have no idea. And then at the end, he says, let's end it on positive vibes. What do you think? I think, Clifford, you weren't invited on the podcast. No. And why would we ever? And also, why would you want to be on? You didn't want anything to do with this. You don't want us to tell anyone about you. Yeah. Like, come on.

Contrary to popular belief, Clifford, we're trying to protect your identity. Yeah, and also, like, we have a video podcast. And we're going to have to say your name. Clifford's sitting in here with a brown bag of respect. And you think that people care what you have to say? Correcting inaccuracies. Like, bro, we got it. We're good. We'll correct it ourselves. And you know what, Clifford? You're done. We're never going to talk about you again. Clifford, the big red flag. It's over. Yep.

Okay. That's how we feel about Clifford. Now moving on to some, um, Oh no. Oh no. I have a question for you. We can't move on yet. Did you, so Chad is the name of Jordan's office crush. Jordan, here's my question. Did you think about Chad one time on that date? I did. I pretty sure I tweet. We tweeted that. Yeah, I did. I did. Hashtag, but wine, but wine, literally one glass. And then I go, I would pay so much money to have Chad across from me. Jordan, Jordan,

I was probably more in the more bad. Don't say love. Do not say the L word. The more bad dates, the more we like Chad, the more we like Chad. Okay. So you thought about Chad on the date? I did. All right.

Have you seen, not have you seen Chad lately? Have we spoken? Yeah. Yeah, in a way we have. Since the last episode, yeah. In a way? In a way. That's so cryptic. That's all I'm going to say. I got to be cryptic. I can't be giving out actual real details so people can figure it out. No, I like that it was cryptic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to point out that it was cryptic. In a way, in a way. In a way it's also cryptic. Oh my God, it's so cryptic. Okay, so what was that? Wait, now I need to know that thing that you were going to tell me earlier now that we're off the date. You have to tell me.

Kevin can cut it if it's that bad. Alex, I feel sick as soon as I can see the list of things you have to talk about. I feel sick. Why? Because I was. I don't want to chat. Wait, does it have to do with chat? No, it has nothing to do with chat. OK, I feel sick because I don't want to get in trouble at work. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What could you have done that would get you in trouble at work? No, and we can cut it if it's terrible. OK, I just like. OK, what is it?

Spit it out. I'm trying, Alex. I feel sick to my stomach. Kiss somebody. At work? That works at Barstool. Hooked up with or kissed? Kissed. Made out with? Make out. You made out with somebody that works at Barstool? Yeah. Yesterday or when? I don't even know if I want to talk about it. No. Wait. What? When? Within the past two weeks.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We've only been doing the Mean Girl pod for two weeks. Yeah, that's why I feel like I have to tell you. I've been feeling like I have a guilty conscience. Dude, it's really messed up that you haven't told us this yet. I know, Alex, but I don't want to go to HR jail or have Erica get mad at me or have Gaz call me and be like, Jordan, you went too far.

Trust me you didn't go too far You're fine Literally HR is going to be like we have a problem Do we have HR? Yeah I don't know if that's illegal Did I break the law? No The only illegal thing you did was not tell The idiots of the Mean Girl podcast You can't hide things like that I know and that's why I'm telling because I'm not even kidding you It was almost like I was Like my mom and I was a kid who got in trouble And it's been weighing on me and I can't sleep Because I'm like I have to tell Alex this

And what better way to do it than on the podcast? I appreciate though that you did this for the pod. Everything is for the pod. I love you guys. Now, I love you guys. Now, let me ask you this. So the timeframe is the past two weeks and I can already tell you're not going to give up more information than that. No, no, no, no, no. Is it, this is my only, this is my last question. Was it Chad or not? Not Chad, not Chad. It was not Chad. Chad, don't you think I'd be freaking out? Do you think Chad's going to find out? I don't think Chad likes me.

That's too much. I can't get on that. Yeah. Okay.

Wow. I know. And it wasn't even an employee. It was a Barstool coworker. I can't even say my... No, it wasn't a Barstool employee. I can't say my coworker. So you made out with in the past... Stop saying it. Can I ask one more question? I can't even look at Kevin in the face right now. Can I ask one more question? Yes, Alex. Was it at the office? No. It was not. No. Oh, my God. No. I mean, nothing was off limits. It was not at the office. I'm like not even... It's not like him and I are talking. Like it was...

It was a one and done thing. Well, oh my God. DVD on the one and done. It could happen again. I don't know. Hold on. Do you think that this coworker that you made out with thinks he's Chad? No, no, no. He knows he's not. He does? I mean, now he does. Now he does. Now he does. Now he does. We haven't really like, it's not like, it's not like we're like,

It's not like you we kiss and we were like, oh, I'm going to keep texting you. We're going to like keep hanging out. It was like we did it. We were both like, what the fuck? Let's kind of now never talk to each other again. Would you do it again? Oh, if you see him around this office that we work in because he's your co-worker. Do you say hi? I don't see him very often. That's nice. Okay. That's juicy. Okay. Now, what is your cigarette count? Zero. What? Yeah. I don't know.

I don't buy cigarettes. No, we established that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My vape count is extremely high, but I don't buy cigarettes. Vape count through the roof? I bought another one. You bought another vape? The smoke cashier laughed at me. He was like, let me see your ID. And I was like, okay. And he laughed because he thought I was under 18, which I huge compliment. Thank you. Like massive compliment. He legitimately thought I was underage.

He thought you were 17? Must be. Did you tell him you've been making out with co-workers? No, Alex. Stop. I was just about to say you can't tell anyone, but the whole world's going to know now. I'm going to have anxiety coming into the office every single day. Good. I'm trying to get your SIG count up. It's bad for the pod when your SIG count is down. What does this have to do with anything? I'm going to have a panic attack. Okay. Jordan's reeling. Honestly, I think that the making out thing is completely fine. Can we not talk about it anymore? Yeah. No, let's not. Okay.

Tell anybody. Okay, we're not going to tell anyone. Here, Kevin, we'll cut that whole part out. I hate you. Okay, so you tweeted that you said on here that you think it's really hot when your coworkers smoke. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, people in general, but I just like said also my coworkers because they do it all the time. Want to win Jordan's heart? Just start puffing a few. Which is so bad because like I would never date a smoker.

Okay, you're like so confusing. You think it's hot when they smoke, but you would never date a smoker. I didn't say it's hot when they smoke. I said they look hot when they smoke. Big difference. Wait, what? No. Yeah. It's hot when they smoke and they look hot when they smoke. It's not hot when they smoke. It's not like I'm like, wow, you guys are hot because you smoke. I'm like, oh, you smoke and you look hot. That's fair. Okay. Yeah. So you said like people submit photos? Oh, yeah. So after that was talked about, I don't really know. Oh, so and then like,

All of the Yak guys went to LA and they all have to smoke a lot of cigarettes. So then everyone was sending me their pictures and they're like, Jordan, look at this, look at this. So then I tweeted out and I was like, I'm loving all of these pictures. Anyone else at bar still want to like submit for this contest? I was just like playing in my head. And then we got so many pictures. So many submissions of people smoking. Kevin sent one.

Yeah. All of our coworkers. Like, I'm not kidding. I think we got like 30 pictures. Love it. So many of our coworkers wanted to play this like contest, which I loved. And it was girls and guys. Who's your winners? Oh, yeah. We have to go over our winners. So Alex and I, we got about like, I said, like 20 to 30 pictures. We're going to blog or...

blog about it and we'll show all the pictures but we're just gonna go over our top three um so okay here's my top three okay so we have a lot um no particular order by the way um so i'm gonna put in owen because he had to smoke like three cigarettes at a time at a time yeah that was cool and owen's just like a cool guy owen's awesome he's cool and like that's his vibe and he was just chill about it he was just chill about it he's never like flashy whatever so he's he would never wear

He would never wear a hoodie and a Rolex on a date. He just wouldn't do that. No, Owen is great. Another winner is Kelly Keegs. Kelly Keegs. Hot. Hot. Hot smoker. Like, she looks like – she owns the cigarette. She is above the cigarette, I agree. She is above the cigarette. Not above it. She's one with the cigarette. Yeah. She's one – like, she just elevates the cigarette. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hers was like –

hot I got that and I was like damn girl okay thank Kelly who's your third and then my third is sass why are you looking at me like you're shocked I because I am shocked have you seen him smoke yeah I saw the photos yeah but you love sass no wait what I don't know do you I don't like dislike him I don't love him do you like how do you feel

About sass? Yeah. He's like 20. I feel like you and I have never spoken about sass. Yeah. You throwing that I love him is intense. Well, you picked him. I just think he looks hot when he smokes. I don't love this kid. I barely know this kid. I'm just upset that I just put sass in the chat running. No, because sass was at the holiday party. Fuck yes, he was. And also like. Was he? Yeah. Oh, great. Yeah, he was there. Also, he's 20. I'm 26. I don't date younger. Okay.

Like, you know, I don't mean to be like, we're like, I don't date younger, but like I'm. It sounded rude. I'm just kidding. He's not. He he. I don't know much about sass, but he looks great when he smokes. OK, I respect that. I think that's a very valid explanation. Throw in. Do you love him? Well, it's true. No, sorry. The sass thing just completely threw me off.

Why? I like forgot he was in the running and then you said sass and it just like caught me off. Oh, okay. I was like, oh, knock me off the horse. Yeah. Mine is what mine's mine is and always is going to be Rico. Oh, hell yeah. Rico sent me one and it made me so happy that he wanted to apply. Honorable mention. So no, he's not. He's my mind. I mean, he's my honorable honorable mention. I love Rico. I was like, dude, no, I love Rico. Yeah. Yeah. You're not.

other people in this office.

Okay. Cryptic again. I just hate how you were like, do you love, like people are going to take that and they're going to run with it. Okay. How about this? Don't take this ass thing and run with it. I don't know what I meant. I don't know what she did either. There's a lot of things I go in on and go with, but I'm like, not that. I think, what did I even say? Just, you love sass? Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. I feel like you could ask me that back. Okay. Do you, do you love sass? I feel indifferent. I'm like completely don't even know. You're fucking married. Okay. So you can do whatever you want. Oh, I was like, if you,

You're implying that I actually like. No, I'm saying you're married. So you just get away with it. No one's gonna be like, yeah, she actually likes this person. But they're like, Jordan's single. She's crazy. You get to go home every day. Put your little head on that pillow and think, huh, I get to walk into the office next day and not feel anxiety. But me, I get to wake up, go into the office and be like, hmm, somebody knows I have a crush on them. I kiss somebody. And now apparently I love these people I work with.

I don't sleep. This podcast is going to kill me.

You know, I felt bad about the sass comment like the past three minutes, but after that, I'm glad I made it. I'm glad I made it. Anyways, Rico. Rico Bosco, as always. Always. Brie. Oh, Brie's was fantastic. I thought Brie's was like hot. Like her lips looked good. She like had the cigs. I was like, I think this is hard to talk about because they can't see the photos. Yeah. So I'll just go right past it. Brie looked great. Brie looked great. And I also thought KB was like, KB, yes, swag with the cigs. No, it's KB more swag. KB more swag with the cigs.

cigarette yes maybe more swag

You love KD. Exactly. I'm not going to go on a anxiety rampage back to you. That's because you're married. It's a permanent path. It is. I know. People are like, you like sons. I'm like, I'm married. But at the end of the day, just remember, I'll never date a coworker. So she will make out with one though. Okay. Tonight we have the Super Bowl together. Tomorrow we're going to the Thunder game together. Yeah. Wait.

what why are we going to the thunder game because it's valentine's day and i wanted to do my valentine's day oh the biggest thing that's going to happen tomorrow is people are going to be tweeting yeah never mind you know just yeah alex sometimes you don't alex me i can jordan you your filter is wide you have no filter you're going to get me in trouble one day

Not in any more trouble than you're going to get yourself. I know. I have a big mouth, apparently. Not about people's secrets. Just on my own. I can't keep... Especially with you and this podcast. I come here, I'm like, eh, the whole world can know. The mean girl thing gets up here and we're like...

oh my god clifford this one was for you oh also rudy officially will be back next week um he sends his condolences his flight was delayed um kevin for the win kevin for the win but yeah rudy will be everyone all the girls are like oh my god rudy rudy one of my friends yesterday was like i love rudy can i go on a date with him like sure yes you can send an application yeah send us a video yeah this was episode number yeah and jordan made out with co-worker and went on a date with clifford

Alex. Both those things are true. Stop it. Integrity in the reporting. I want to be done. Well, stop making out with coworkers. Not that hard. Actually, don't. If you stop making out with coworkers, I'm going to be pissed. Do it for the pod. Bye. Okay. I was going to ask if you were going to have an Addie and Marks type of night for the Super Bowl. Oh, no. I had that last night. Good for you. Yep. Addie, Marks last night. I had wine.

Feel a little damaged this morning. And you honestly, you know what? No, I'm going to leave this room because it's not that serious. Oh, do you want to end on positive vibes? I'm waving the white flag, Alex. I'm sorry. You know what, Clifford? You win. No, never. We win. He knows he didn't. Positive vibes only. Not that serious. I will sleep fine tonight. And I'm scared to walk into work tomorrow. Hell yeah. Goodbye. Bye.