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The Alzheimer's Association Walk to End Alzheimer's is fighting for a different future. This is near and dear to us, right, Albert? Yes. My father recently passed away from Alzheimer's after a long, long battle, and we wished that he would have gone for testing way earlier on, and early testing definitely will help. Walk side by side with your family, your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers in the world's largest fundraiser to fight the disease. We're closer than ever to stopping Alzheimer's.
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And the third time that I came in, I still didn't get it. And I said, I remember my agent saying, but they really love you. They really like you. And I was like, well, they don't, not really. Right, they can't possibly. Not that much. How many times does somebody have to tell me no before they fall totally in love with me? I know, I know. Somebody got to cue me or do I cue myself? Cue yourself. Okay. Hey everybody, we're back with Let's Talk Off Camera. So let's get talking. Woo! Woo!
You know, we are joined by a powerhouse today. Jessica Capshaw. We love her. Adore her. Yeah. I wish she was my neighbor.
I mean, I have to say this. Of all of our guests that we have on the show, this podcast here, of all of the guests, I would like all of them to be my neighbors. We've had good people. We've had really good people. There hasn't been a dud in the bunch. Not a single dud. Audience, you know her from The Practice. You know her from Grey's Anatomy. She's also a mom to four kids. She's launching her very own podcast. You know, Albert, we're not the only ones with a podcast. Yes.
Her podcast is called Call It What It Is. Yeah. Oh, I like that. She has people call in with questions, so we're going to do some Ask Kellys with her. Oh, that's a great idea. Yeah. That's a great title. All right. So let's talk about it. Albert, how was the meat gala? Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. So the meat gala, the weather, as you promised, because you weren't there, was flawless. You're welcome. I literally almost texted you in the morning and said, you're welcome, because I was checking the weather.
The weather was great. I was a little sad the day before because I went to Peconic Prime Meats and Steve, when he was preparing everything, got very excited and said, I made Kelly her sausage and runs up. But you saved them for me. I did. They're in the refrigerator. Thank you so much. Because the good news is like veggie sausage doesn't go bad. And they were some that were served, which Michael Gelman wasn't a fan of the vegan sausage. He already complained to me.
He complained to me about my vegan sausage that he ate. And I said, you're welcome. Oh, my God. But we did get your Claire's coleslaw. That's there also. Yeah, but by the time I... We'll have to get new Claire's coleslaw. By the time, though, I get to the meat gala, this is historic. Because before the lovely man from Peconic Prime Meats, who is... He's just a gem. Steve. Before Steve started making me the vegetarian sausage...
I only had Claire's coleslaw to live on. And guess what? It would be gone by the time I got there because Albert's savages. When we run to Kroger's and get more. Yeah. Well, I would just be like, it's all right. I'll eat when I get home.
So no, it was a huge hit. There was a lot more of a gaggle contingency than there was in your film. Oh, I saw. Well, because usually I bring all the women, meaning Lola and me. But it was great. You were very missed. Okay, so Mark and I, we had dinner alone, the two of us, the first night. And it's like 80 degrees outside.
and the sun is setting, and the mountains are like glowing. It's just beautiful. It's beautiful. It's genteel. There's no bugs. There's none of the shit that drives me crazy about the Northeast. You know, it's not a weather permitting moment. I'm not running to grab a sweater. So I'm sitting out there. And then after we ate, Mark said, do you want to take like a little stroll on the golf course? And I was like, sure. Sure.
And as we walk out on the golf course, this big dog runs over to us. And this woman who's in a roadie cup, who's so lovely. And she's like, why don't you come meet your next door neighbor? Come join us for dinner. And I said, we, you know, we just ate. And Mark is, I think he's in like a bathing suit and I'm in my sweats and a t-shirt and we are not together.
for meeting the neighbors, but she insists that we come over. The loveliest group of people, first thing they all say is, we know Albert Bianchini. No way. Yeah. So I said, oh, I said, were you not invited to the meat gallery? And then they were... I get a text from my friend Jason who says, so I'm at my BFF's house and...
Chris is his name? I think Chris. I went to a BFF's house and guess who's next door to us but Kelly and Mark, A, why aren't you here? And B, why was I not invited to the meat gala? And then I met your friend from high school's parents. What's going on? Jim and... Someone from Horace Mann. Somebody from Horace Mann, yes. Very, very sweet people. Very nice people. So on both sides, like...
We surround her. I love it. Surrounded. I love it. Like, I can't go anywhere. What if I said, I'm going to be in the city this weekend. I can't come to the meat gallery. Oh. And immediately I bump into your friends. Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. We've got you covered. Right. Yeah. I can't go anywhere. Like a low jack. You were very missed. Right. I just love that you were there. I mean, it makes total sense. It's just, you never, like in my mind, it's so hard to get to that like it's not,
So it's not even on my map of like you should be, but it makes sense why you're there because weather-wise, it's the perfect condition. The aesthetic is very you. The fact... All of it. Everybody I've met there, they're like, oh, we moved here 30 years ago or we moved here 20 years ago or we moved here 40 years ago.
And every time they say that to me, I in my head go, Kelly, you idiot. Because I should have been living there 30 years ago. Although Jimmy Kimmel had a lot to say about you guys moving there. He does not like it. I know.
I know. Why? We need to get him on for like just a quick. Why? What's his reason? He thinks it's a, he thinks the place you go to die. He's not. No, it's not. I know, but he lived there for a year and when I told him that you guys were there, he was laughing. It's not where you go to die. It's where you, it's where you go to live. You heard Goldie Hawn talk about it. I know. And Kate Hudson. Yeah, everybody who, everyone has a place there. It wasn't my opinion. It was.
Kimmel's opinion. Jimmy's wrong though. He's not wrong about much but he's wrong about Palm Springs. Palm Springs is cool. Oh, it's right up your alley. It's great. Our guest is ready. She's ready. She's ready. I did read in, you know, the Us Weekly 25 Things You Don't Know. Yeah. I read that she does like a crazy Cher impression. Really? I want to know if she still does it. We got to find out. I'm doing it this way today because I'm going to see if this hurts my ears less. We'll get you different headphones. Wait, are you having the same conversation I just had about AirPods versus plug-in situations?
Well, no, they want me to wear like these proper headphones, but it hurts my ears. Yeah. And I feel like I'm underwater. Like I'm like, why am I underwater? I'm with you. Okay.
So Jan, I want you to come back here and look at this for a second. Okay. Because it looks like Jessica and I are in the same room. Yes, it does. She's in the adult version of the room. I'm in my son's old bedroom and I've just never seen anybody actually have the same color paint as we have in here. I've been trying for a very long time to tell you this. You just haven't been as quick. You're just busy. I don't know what to tell you.
We are sisters. Yes, I know. From others and from some. I don't know how we got separated, but, you know, we found our way back. We did get separated. I feel like my parents kidnapped me. I wrote about this in my book that I'm convinced that my parents kidnapped me from my rightful mother who is Cher. Jan? I read that you do a mean Cher impersonation. That is – that's not wrong. Okay.
I thought she was going to say I was wrong. No, that's not wrong. It was in the Bible. It was in Us Weekly. My pause was I haven't done it in so long and I don't like to say things that I can't deliver on. And so I just was uncertain for a second that that skill could come back to me. Do you want to try it?
If I could turn back time. That's amazing. That's good. That's so good. That's incredible. I mean, it's not incredible. It hasn't been done in a very long time and I just whipped it out for you guys. And so you're welcome.
Wow. That's so good. I dusted it off. It doesn't mean it's not still dusty, but you know, it worked. I really like it. So Jan. Yeah. I also in the same article. Jan has a lot. You have some fun facts. Yeah. In the same article, you said that you always win the first hand of rock, paper, scissors. How old is this article that you read?
You know what, Jessica? We don't get out much. I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. It's so funny. I love the research because, I mean, we'll talk about this, I'm sure. But we have just started our own podcast and we had our first guest and
I mean, I was such a nerd about it. I was like, I need to read everything. And I loved this person so much. And so it was so easy because I had such great affection for them as a performer. And I was like, yes. And then it got to the time to talk. And I'm sure this happens to you every single day in your day job, morning job, or just one of the 900 jobs you have. But it's like you, the time goes like that.
All the research you've done, all the things you come up with, all the things you're sure. No, it's out the window. It doesn't. It's out the window. It doesn't even get talked about. So you're going to. I know. I hope there's a steep learning curve. You're going to love doing a podcast, by the way. Before you logged on, we talked a little bit about it, but we're going to. That's what this interview, believe it or not, is going to be about, is your new podcast. But.
Before we get to all of that, I want to get to the juicy personal stuff. Yes. How did you convince your husband to have the fourth child? Well, yeah, I know because you sort of, you and Mark were saying that that was, it was really, you were good to go and he was, it was never convincing. I think he was...
He was game more for whatever. And he came from four boys and obviously I came from a big family. And so it sort of was never, can we, or could we, it was more like,
Should we? And, and I actually, at the time, which I, I don't think you can underestimate the importance of this, which is wild because it's, you know, just totally circumstantial. But I had two very dear friends at the, at the exact time that my kids were the closest friends with that had both had their fourth. So I was actually seeing it be done.
And that's what I think for me and maybe for him might have been the, you know, you see someone doing it and you think you can. It's a lot though. No, but you're in California, right? No, we moved to New York. So you live in New York? But we're not in the city. We're 45 minutes north of the city. So we're in, I mean, I like, I don't understand why people, it's very funny, this whole thing
It's been three years now and people really need identifiers. They need to know, they need to put things in a box. And so people always say, where do you live? And I say, New York. And they say, oh my gosh, how do you live in New York city with four kids? And I say, well, I don't live in New York city with four kids. I live just outside. Oh, you live in the suburbs. No, I don't live in the suburbs. Oh, you're in like Westchester County. Well, I mean, it's near there, but it's not, it's more like the country and they just cannot wrap their heads around it. And then my best, my best explanation is I feel like
Before they made the city, clearly there's that area called Central Park that I think was New York's natural habitat-ish looking space, right? So it's like they didn't touch that part up, you know, just like 45 minutes north of the city. And that's where I live. I feel like I live in Central Park. That's a nice place to live. And my daughters ride horses and my sons are passionate fishermen. And so all the things kind of came together. Do you have chickens? We just...
got chicks that will become chickens. Are they so cute? They're so cute, right? Chicks? They're so, so, so cute. We are building a chicken coop. I know. My husband was getting images and saying, because he was in charge of the chicken coop. I said, you've got this. He started showing me pictures. He said, really great. You can draw it all out and everything else. Every picture looked good to me. I was like, yeah, stamp of approval. This looks fantastic. I didn't ask about scale.
I just asked to see what it would look like. I feel like I now have a chicken palace. It
It's a scale. Oh, you have a chicken palace. Oh, I love that. Than I thought it was going to be. And it feels like a chicken palace. And when people drive by it, they're like, can I stay there? We've got to get you. Don't mind chickens as roommates. We've got to get you like egg crates. You need egg crates that say, okay, go with me. Yeah, I'm here. I'm here. Capshaw's Chicken Palace. Okay.
Free range chickens. I never knew that I wanted to be this person, but evidently I am. And it should be like a chicken with like a cigarette and its talons. Yeah. Because it's living the good life. Living its best life. You know what I mean? Yes. A martini and a cigarette. It's living its best life. Yeah. Because it's in a pallet. Oh, it's so great. And it gets its pillows fluffed every couple of hours. So what are your kids' age ranges?
So right now, we still call her the baby. I don't know if you do that in your family, but the baby is eight. She just turned eight. And then 11, and then 13, and those are all girls. And then our one boy is 16. We saw her daughter. You and I saw her on the red carpet with Steven Spielberg. Oh, that's right. That's right. Your daughter was there. I even texted you. She was gorgeous. I sent you a message.
That blue dress was unbelievable. She looked so beautiful. And I didn't know how, because they don't let us leave where we are to go out. We have to stay exactly where we are. You know, it's very strict and crazy. But I was like, if she comes back, we have candy back here. I know. I know. I know. I love it. You were so kind. Well, I sent her off and I thought, well, first of all, thank you. You're so kind. She was so excited. Did she enjoy it? She was so excited. Yeah.
And, um, and you know, being in a big family, anytime you can do something that's going to be just yours is thrilling in and of being that, um, yeah.
But she knew she was going. My mom was just, mom and my dad, they were so dear. And they just so sweetly and kindly and generously sort of like prepared for the moment. And my mom was like, you know, let's have a few, let's try on dresses. And we'll, you know, let's see what you feel good in. And so we had that whole process. And, and I mean, talk about a whole like, you know, altered, altered.
altered reality. Maybe because I like fashion so much, I was like, give me the task. I've got, where's the magazines? I'm looking, I'm looking. And I happened to have weirdly taken a picture of this blue dress that was in a magazine. And I just thought it was exquisite.
It was made by Oscar de la Renta. And then when the day came, I thought, well, maybe there's a sample of it somewhere where she could just borrow it for the night. And you know how these things go, Kelly. It's not that easy. I mean, it seems like it's easy, but it's not at all that easy. You don't just call and say, can I borrow a dress from Oscar de la Renta. Usually they say- Well, guess what? It's easier for you than it is for me. Trust. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know about that. Most of the time I get like, you know, yeah, anyways. So the dress, they make a phone call and this very, very kind woman at Oscars, LaRenta named Paige said, well, you know what? We have it. It's actually being worn by someone. And then the minute it comes off of her, you know, it will kind of have done its duty on the red carpets and then not be as, you know, misused.
precious an item and it can come to you. It's decommissioned. And it came to her and she tried it on and my mom zipped it up. And it was, again, by the way, an experience I've never had in my life, completely easily fitting into a sample size dress is what I'm trying to say. Never in my life has it just like zipped up. And she tries it on and it zips up and she just looked so stunning. And more than anything, what I love to ask them is,
because obviously we're so focused on how we look. It's like, how do you feel? And I said, how do you feel? And she was like, I feel so magical. Like, I feel like I just got like a wand tapped over my head. And then, and then, yeah. And then the night was just sort of seamless. And I sent her off. My mom and I sent her off. And as soon as she was out the door, I knew it was so, it was so sweet. The caretaking, you know, she's 13 and there was,
the caretaking between them was pretty amazing. Just her, you know, holding onto him and him holding onto her. And I sort of like knew they were going to have a phenomenal evening together in this little vacuum of life called the Academy Awards. And then I had a moment where I was like, she's not going to know anyone. I'm texting Kelly. Exactly. Yes. Text the row. I'm like a roving, like nursing unit. Like, oh my God. And by that time I was already backstage and I was like,
Shit, I can't leave. I cannot leave here. But talk about the trust. I knew you'd have her. I know. It's so, but it's like, you know, first of all, there's so many things, so many thoughts. Like when she goes to prom, it's going to be, it's going to be like. Disappointing? So lame. Disappointing. I know. And then I'm picturing, like, does she have a concept that her grandpa is like the big cheese? Like the.
You know, because grandpa's grandpa, like, does she call him grandpa or what does she call him? She calls him Pappy. And they all do. P-A-P-P-Y. And yeah, I mean, it's so funny. I text him all the time to say, because I'm a deep believer in anytime you hear a compliment,
that's meant for someone like you have to pass it on because it's just karmically a good thing because it's just so wonderful to hear just tiny little tidbits about people loving you or or thinking that you're this out of the other and the kids talk about him all the time and I don't there's like some special sauce or something but they just think he's the sweetest and the cutest and and they just are so proud of it like yes the bigness of it like they get that it's not it's not they're not
you know, they don't not see it, but the, the value that he has to them as their grandfather, clearly so far outweighs that, that it's not the thing that they talk about. They really talk about how, again, how he makes them feel, which is, you know, he's, he's the best. He's the best in our family to call it good news because he's the first one to be like,
His reactions are oversized. He's just more, and it cannot even be that big a deal. And he's so thrilled for you. And that just feels so good. So yes, they know who he is and they see that and they raise him that they love him even more for just being their grandpa. Oh, that is, that is, I'm trying to picture an equivalent reaction.
Well, my dad got that bus driver's union award. Oh, yeah, that was a big deal. That was a big deal. It was at a country club and she had to wear big girl shoes. I do remember that.
So, but it is like, it's a very, you know, there's something about your family. First of all, I love that it's a blended family. And it seems from my outside perspective, like very seamless. It seems like your parents got married and it was seamless. Was it seamless? Yes.
No. I mean, no, no. There were so many ups, downs, and all around. It was drama? I mean... Really? Yeah, for sure. By the way, come on. It's a family. There's no way it's the drama. But I mean, you know, I mean, it goes back to, you know, sort of, you know, my mom, my mom and my mom and dad, my mom and my genetic father, Bob Capshaw, met at the University of Missouri. And...
And she was sort of wanting more than where they were, just saw some possibilities out there of things that she wanted to do that she couldn't do there. And he said, okay, let's jump and let's do it. And so they took me, sort of baby, two years old, to New York City. And she...
on a wing and a prayer, like went to Eileen Ford's office and signed with Ford modeling agency back then. And then, you know, so it was off to the races and started working. And then my parents' marriage sort of quickly devolved and then dissolved. And then it was sort of, you know, her and I against the world and in the world. And then I ended up meeting Stephen when I was seven, when she did a movie called Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
And then it wasn't until they didn't actually get married until I was 14, 15. So there was a really long period of time where they were being, you know, adults that were figuring it out. Um, and then, uh, and then my dad, Bob Capshaw got remarried and he had kids. And then when, uh,
Then we started in earnest sort of becoming a family unit. And then that was myself, my brother Max, who was from his first marriage with Amy Irving. And then my brother Theo was adopted together. And then they had my sister Sasha. Then they had my brother Sawyer. They adopted my sister Michaela. And then they had my sister Destry.
None of that was seamless. That's just the order I put it. That's just me listing out the order. So I'm wondering, when you are 14 years old, did you feel like you didn't have a place within your family? ♪
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off-camera for new customers to save $50 on their first order. Terms and restrictions apply. Seaside for details. I'm wondering, did you feel like you didn't have a place within your family? You know, when your dad gets remarried and he starts having kids and then your mom gets remarried, was there a moment where you felt like placeless? You know, I...
It's so funny. You're saying that. And there's a piece of me that I understand exactly what you're asking. And I think that there's truth in that. The only reason I would say I think there is is because when you sort of do your work, if you will, you go back and you mine for those feelings that you had when you were going through a thing. And you're able to sort of process them and understand why.
what the context was or what, what was happening or, um, you know, I mean, I sort of always do think that most of the time everybody's doing the best that they possibly can. Um, and so I think there was a lot of attention to, you know, who I was and where I was and I always felt very, very considered. Um, that being said, sometimes there's a huge amount of volume coming at you. And, um, is there always a place in a family that big, um,
Maybe not with a microphone, you know, like there's a place, but it's not necessarily, you know, center stage or, you know, having every single thing considered, which I really felt when I had our third. Because one was, one came and then three years later, two came and then 20 months later, three came. And I remember being really excited.
I remember like, oh my gosh. And I remember we were at a dinner table and Eve was screaming and Poppy was crying. And Luke sort of looked at me with these big, really cute eyes and was like, um, um, um, mom, mom, mom. And I was like, what? And he was like, um, I don't have a fork. And I was like, I don't care.
What? Did I say that? Yeah, evidently I didn't care. Of course I cared. But that overwhelming, like I have children. I'm in charge. I want to care for and serve and protect. But honestly, I can't all the time. So yeah, I think that there definitely is a bit of, you know, in the bigger families or in transitions sort of going, you know what?
This is what I mean. I didn't feel place less, like there wasn't a place for me. I more wondered, hmm, where is my place? Yeah. I always knew I had a firm, firm, and I sat squarely in the love center, and I never felt unloved or anything like that. But I kind of was. And especially when you're going through your teenage years, because that's just a real bag of shit sometimes, right? Oh, God, it is the biggest bag of shit. Yeah.
It really is. It sucks. I know. Right. Right. Right. Right. And I'm thinking like, so, so your mom is Kate Capshaw.
And she is like the Kate Capshaw. You know what I mean? She's big, yeah. So you're a teenager. And were you in school plays? Were you doing that sort of thing? No, I wasn't. I was very, very, very introverted. During that time, during my younger years, I went to something like...
like around 13 different schools before I was even 13. We moved all the time. Right. And I was always just in lockstep with her. And I probably hung out with adults more than I did kids. And then once we sort of had some semblance of some, you know, stability and like real life. And finally I said, you know, no, we're moving and we're going to stay here. And that was in Los Angeles. Then all of a sudden it was adolescent time. And I was like, not going to be good at that. Yeah.
I was not, I was not prepared. Um, and so I ended up going to, I had gone to an elementary school where, which was super progressive because I, um,
bet not many schools want to let a kid go in and out. Right. So the progressive schools were fine with it because believe you me, I didn't like lose my place. And you know, the baklava chapter, or if I did, if I missed it, I could come back and swoop right in and get it. And so then I went to like a more serious middle school. And I remember there were all these, it was a girl's school. And there were all these girls who had gone to this far fancier, far more rigorous school.
really, really smart girls went to this school and they all had the same handwriting. I was like, fuck, seriously? Like it literally looked like it was like a font. And they all took... Oh my God. And like the S's, they were like straight lines and then a loop at the bottom. And I sat in these classes and I was looking around at all these kids taking notes and I was like, what is going on? Like this is note taking? How do you do this? I don't understand. And that first seventh grade year, I was really surprised
struggling. Like I had to very much try and catch up. And I remember being in the cafeteria and thinking with my little lunch tray, being like, there is no one who is looking at me to sit next to them.
and thinking like, okay, I'm just going to be on my own. That's going to be fine. I'm going to be on my own. There's only so many hours in the day. This will be over soon enough. We'll carry on. And, uh, and even like, I, yeah, I do remember also kind of sneaking into the library once in a while. Cause there's also that awkwardness of being observed, being alone eating. I think that's actually worse. And now I enjoy eating alone, but when people, when you're that age and people are watching you be alone while eating, it's really rough. Um,
And so that seventh grade and eighth grade year was a little bit uphill. And then I, it just takes, and I say this to my kids all the time. And I say it to any kid who will listen, it just takes one. You don't need to have a million friends. You just need one.
And once I made that one who, um, whose name is Jennifer Mallory and she was on, she took my bus home randomly on Wednesdays cause she had to go to youth group and it was closer to that. And we just laughed, we laughed and laughed and laughed. And then we became the bestest of friends. And then, and then all of a sudden it was like everybody else wanted to
kind of get some of that. So then we got more friends and then we got some more friends. And then by the height, by high school, I was good. I was good to go. I had friends. That's amazing. Do you know Gary Gennetti? Yes. Okay.
Have you read any of his books? He writes about eating alone in school. Oh, no, no, no, no, I haven't. It's very funny. It's also very sad. It's like he's one of those writers that you're laughing, laughing, laughing, and then suddenly he writes a line and you're crying. Yeah. But it's very funny. And now he enjoys eating alone as an adult. Yep.
And even though he says he knows that people around him feel sorry for him, he can see people theorizing why he's eating alone. But now he loves that sort of...
you know, the awkward discomfort of it all. He loves it. But I'll send you, I'll send you his books and you'll, you'll die. You'll really die. He cracked me up on Instagram. He cracked me up. He's very good. So funny. So let's talk about the role of all roles. Dr. Arizona Robbins, of course, uh,
from Grey's Anatomy. I believe, and it's so funny, I was walking through Central Park home from work today and I started sneezing and my eyes started itching and I was like, oh great, I'm going to talk to Jessica and she'll know, you know, what I should do about these allergies. Because in my mind, and I know I've said this to you a lot. Yeah, yeah.
I cognitively understand, like I fundamentally understand that you are not a real doctor. But I do believe that since you have played a doctor for such a long time,
that you probably know a thing or two about how I could fix my allergies. Well, the only, well, here's the thing. Same girl, same. The same thing has been happening to me. And also I can actually, it's not even like this invisible allergy force field. I actually can see it. Can you see it where you are? I mean, it's like truly, I see like pollen flying through the air. Oh, I'm watching it land on me. And attacking me. Yeah, no, you know what? I don't, all I can tell you is that it's,
eye drops, Flonase, and Zyrtec. And I just keep doing it until I don't have to anymore. But I'm doing that, Dr. Robbins. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know. When you first read the role, did you have any idea that she would become this iconic, so important, particularly...
in terms of LGBTQ visibility on camera, did you have any idea how impactful your character would be, the role would be? In absolutely no way. In absolutely no way. I mean, the order of it was that I was a fan of the show, true fan, watched it on the night, Thursday night. Well, at first it was Sunday and then it was Thursday. But if I couldn't watch it, the TiVo was set.
I created the ambiance to watch it. I made sure the phone was unplugged if there was a plug-in phone there. I mean, I really like dedicated myself to it and I just loved the show so much. So I really kept saying to my agents, managers, and anyone who would listen to me, like, I want to be on a show like that. Can I be on a show like that? And, um,
And of course you can't be on a show like that. There's only one of those kinds of shows. I mean, there's a ton of amazing shows, but there's really only one of those. And, um, I sort of guess I was patient. And at the time I was doing a lot of comedies. I, um,
I've done so many pilots that didn't get picked up. So many pilots that didn't get picked up. And they were all comedy. So I sort of couldn't, my first like big job where I had like, you know, two years of serious regularness was on the practice, which I couldn't believe. I was like, I'm a lawyer. I'm serious. And I'm a lawyer. There's these groundswells of music. Every time I make my serious eyes, like what? Yeah.
I'm wasting my talents here. And then when that was over, I remember being for hire and I went to New York and did a couple off-road plays. And then I went back into pilot season for another show that didn't get picked up with Lorne Michaels had done. I mean, like I said, I was so success adjacent. I was so close to it, Kelly. Yeah.
And then it didn't get picked up. So close. You could taste it. So close. And then I ended up getting pregnant with, well, I didn't know it actually. I ended up getting a pilot with Max Munchnick and David Cohan, who, which I don't know if you know who they are, but Will and Grace creators. I sure do. Yeah. So like no way is their show not getting picked up. Like this is my fucking time. Like, yes, hit it. Let's go.
So I go and I do it. And then I found out I'm pregnant and then I'm like, Ooh, okay, well then we'll figure this out. And it doesn't get picked up. It doesn't get picked up. It's like shocking. Shocking. Yeah, no, truly. And, and then there was the last big strike of, in our business. It was the writers. I remember. It was awful. So that, that writer's strike started. And then I remember I,
I had this baby and we were like, you know, a young couple, like, you know, I mean, like I said, I'd worked a bit, but I hadn't by no means that I secured like job security. No, I had not. I didn't have that kind of, I didn't have that kind of money. And then I remember getting a phone call from my, my business manager saying, um, so don't worry. It's okay. These things happen. And I was like, what, what things happen? What are you talking about? And I had, I was no longer eligible for SAG health insurance.
Like I hadn't made that amount of money yet. So I was worried. I was worried. And I was thinking, you know what? This is not, this is hard. This is a hard way to, that insecurity and that lack of job security is hard. Now, baby, maybe this isn't for me, right? Like maybe, maybe this just isn't going to happen.
And so I started taking writing classes and I would do those at night when my husband got home from work and he would be with baby. And, and that was great, but it wasn't like, it wasn't, it wasn't what I felt when I was acting. And then I just kept at it. I just kept at it. And I love the show so much that I,
When Luke was two weeks old, I went in with 75 pairs of Spanx on and I auditioned for part of Nurse Rose, which famously became a part that was like doomed because this character got in between Derek and...
Fair enough. So anyways, I went in and I didn't get it. And then, then the writer's strike happened, I think. And then I was really sort of like, oh, it's not going to happen. Then a year later, they had another part. They asked me to come in. I read, I didn't get it. Now I'm like really piecing things together. And the third time that I came in,
I still didn't get it. And I said, I remember my agent saying, but they really love you. They really like you. And I was like, well, they don't, not really. They can't possibly really. Right. Not that much. How many times does somebody have to tell me no before they fall totally in love with me? I know. I know. And the, the lore goes that Shonda looked at Linda Lowy, who was the casting director and said to her to write down, um, in my file, I guess they keep these files on us, right? Um, P's.
um, like pediatrics. And then like nothing, I heard nothing and I kept on going and just kept trying to get jobs and everything else. And then I get a phone call finally, um, saying, Oh, you've been offered a three episode arc. And I was, I literally fell to the floor. I was with my mom and I truly fell to the floor and I just couldn't believe it. And I was so grateful. I was so excited. I could not believe
that it was happening um and it almost felt like my first job in like the whole entire world like i really acted like that um i got some my first script and i remember scrambling to see what my character's name was and i get to it and i actually happen to be with my mom and dad then too i'm not with them all the time i swear and uh and i said they're like what's your name and i was like
Arizona? Never heard that name before, but okay. So yeah, and then I was there for three episodes and it seemed like it was going well. And then by the third episode, I had this bar bathroom kiss with Callie, which came out of left field, right? You just not, you did not see it coming. And I thought, okay, well, here we go. Like this is either going to be
People are going to really like lean into this or they're going to love it or they're going to hate it. Yeah. And I'm going to be like, yeah, I'm either going to, I mean, they're going to stay for a bit or I'm going to be gone. Right. And the rest is history. Stay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's what I love. I have to go back to the part where Shonda Rhimes put peds on your file, like almost as if she's running a hospital, like in administration. Yeah. Like in administration, this one is good for pediatrics. So put her in the pediatrics file. Yeah.
That one. I mean, it's really interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so, have you ever give, have you done any like talks at colleges, at the drama departments for various universities? Because I think you would be such a great guest speaker for drama students at universities because you can have all the skillset, you can have all of the determination, but if you're not willing to speak
stick it out through the no, the no, the no. And then sometimes it takes a little bit of good luck sprinkled in there. Yeah. I don't know if this makes sense to you at all or anyone in the room, but I think that when I was younger, I used to think that it was a stronger position to represent that my life was not that hard.
That I could, that I did it, that I was, that I was doing it, that it wasn't so hard. And I didn't, you know, that I, I don't think I ever wanted to make it seem easy, but I just didn't want to share just my heart or like the real struggle or feeling like, I mean, you can't get a phone call saying that you don't,
have health insurance, like you didn't become eligible for health insurance and not feel really bad. There's not, that's the only way you can feel when you get that phone call. Right. Of course. And I think that that's a piece that I is so important in facing in order to acquire what I think is real strength. Like really, I can deal with anything. Um,
Right. Or I can deal with it as it comes and figure out how to deal with it. And if I can't deal with it myself, I can get some help, right? And doing it on your own, it's like that's the thing is I think everybody would just assume that you would just go to your mom and your stepdad and say, look, I can't get health insurance. Woody got cooking. Yeah.
You know, can't you make a phone call? And I think that's like the assumption. And I think that you subconsciously felt that people wouldn't get it. They wouldn't even understand the struggle. I mean, I know I would, if my parents were your parents, I would have called my parents.
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If my parents were your parents, I would have called my parents. But you know what? It's funny. I've thought about this a lot, this whole new nepo baby term. Right. Because...
I don't actually think that it's all positive or negative. I don't think that people say it actually to be super cutting. At the same time, it definitely doesn't feel like a compliment. It sort of just feels like it exists. And the thing that I think is interesting about it is that for how long in the world have the next generations been looking to their older generation
For interest and inspiration, right? Forever. Yeah. It's so nuts. It's like we just met our neighbors and they're this lovely couple and he was telling, he's a doctor, his son's a doctor, his daughter's a doctor and now his grandkids are in medical school because they're going to be doctors. And I was like,
Nepo babies. He didn't know what I was talking about. But it's like, it's such a funny thing because there are interests in families. Like we have three kids. They all have separate interests. Like Michael is a producer for reality TV shows. Lola is into music. And our youngest, our newborn baby is a senior in drama school at University of Michigan. Wow.
And everybody's like, oh, three Nepo babies. And I'm like, I guess. I mean, there is a family business, but I don't know shit about, you know, I couldn't produce reality TV. I didn't go to film school and I didn't go to music school, so I don't know anything about music.
I used to be an actor, but I certainly didn't go to drama school. I was such a good actor, I became a talk show host. You know, so. I have to tell you, I've watched you on Saturday Night Live and you absolutely are an incredible actor. And you have incredible, incredible timing. Well, that was more Tina Fey's writing than my acting.
I don't know. Both could be true. Both could be true. I want to talk about your new podcast, Call It What It Is, because I think it's a really great idea for a podcast. People call in
Is it an advice column in podcast form? Yes, it is. It's a call-in. It's a DM. It's an email. It's a what's on your mind? What are you thinking about? And Camilla and I have been friends for a very long time. We have so much fun together. We laugh really hard. We're frickin' frack, and there's things that are very similar about us, but then there's things that are very, very different. Mostly she likes to make fun of me. Also, she's better at it.
than I am. She's better at making fun of you? Yeah. Well, she's better at making fun of people in general. I'm like almost funny when I make fun of people. I'm a little too sincere, I think, maybe. I don't know. But anyway, but I truly, truly, when I come with you, I really care. I care so much about people's problems. I really want to talk it out. But it also came from
And I'm sure you know about this because you do what you do and people were talking about it so much, right? You're talking about these generations of people, those crossing generations of people who are lonely and all this tech. They're so lonely. Yes. That's so lonely. And there's all this tech that's come in, right? With a little bit of like spackle here, spackle there. And a lot of people,
a lot of it seemed to me distracting, right? Like distract yourself from being lonely, distract yourself from feeling whatever it is or, or, you know, fill the space so that you don't have to go find a connection with someone. And, and the idea behind this was also that you create a community so that you can,
talk it out and that there will be you know all these call-ins and dms and emails where you can actually become you can help each other so we're you know it's all early stages and everything else and we literally just started but um we've we've had we had a response to a an issue last week and there was actually one where it's like we both started crying and it was it
It's because, you know, when people really come to you and they have that vulnerability, it's just so moving. And I think that it's, you know, it's a unique space to be able to talk that kind of stuff out and be able to, like I said, you know, you call it what it is. It reminds me of, do you remember like the radio, old school radio programs where people would just phone in and ask for advice? Yeah. That's...
I miss that so much. I miss those programs. This is going to be my new favorite podcast. Don't get excited, Jan. I'll listen to ours too. But this is going to be my new favorite podcast. So give me like what made you guys cry? It was someone writing in to say,
I'm not good enough. She thought she wasn't good enough. It wasn't that she wasn't good enough. Her worthiness was not where, how she was calibrating her worthiness was actually not the right filter system. And so the conversation was about how do you find your worthiness and how do you know that you're good enough and that when you're with the right people, it's pretty clear.
And, and, and so I think that the, the like reflecting upon that, or even just sort of daring to ask someone to want that for themselves was really beautiful because
Because we can, you know, we can, and also a lot of times, you know, we don't see the way for ourselves, but others can at least offer up an idea, right? And that's, believe me, we keep saying we're unlicensed to advise, right? It's not, we are not professionals here. But I think that what we're trying to do is just offer another idea and hopefully with humor and, you know, and compassion. I'm staring at you right now. This is such an aside, but come here, come back here, Jan. Come back here.
Jessica looks like Michelle Pfeiffer. I will take it.
I will take it all day long. Are you sure you're not the daughter of Michelle Pfeiffer? You're the daughter of Michelle Pfeiffer and Kate Capshaw. Lot twist, everybody. By the way, they are besties, those two. Are they really? Yes. And we have a little group chat. And we chat all the time about different things, which are so random and everything else. So I'm going to immediately put this on the chat. But I am now their love daughter. Yeah, you have to put that on the chat because I'm staring. I'm like...
Wait a minute. Are you sure that you're not Michelle Pfeiffer's daughter? Add contact to the chat. Kelly Ripa. Kelly wants to be added to the chat. Add Kelly Ripa to the chat. Yes. So wait. So Jen, so we usually do at the end of our podcast, all right?
We do this thing called Ask Kelly. I hate it because I'm not good at giving advice. That's not true. I don't believe her. That's not true. I don't believe her. You're right. She's wrong. But we want you and Kelly to answer them together. Oh, my gosh. They love it, obviously. Give it to me. Okay. So I'll be the first caller. You can be the first caller. Allison McLaren. My name is Allison McLaren. I want to know, when do you know that you're done having kids?
You two can answer that. Come on. Okay. When do I know I'm going to have kids? Yeah. When do you know that you're done having kids? Like when should someone be done? Well, I mean, I literally just got too old to have kids. But when did I? Because I wanted to, you know, as we've already covered famously, I wanted four kids. Mark said absolutely not. He was done with three. He felt like we were gilding the lily. Whatever that means. I think it's the dumbest phrase ever.
He didn't want to gild the lily. And so we were done at three. My answer would be, for me, it was, I really just knew. I mean, I truly, truly did because I knew when I had three that I was not done. So I just like knew it. And I love the baby so much, but babies are hard work. And I still wanted another one. So that said something to me. And then when I had Josephine,
I just, I looked at her. I was like, this is amazing. I also have to say when you first have a baby, when I first had a baby, I wasn't so worried all the time. Like I just didn't know all the things that could go wrong. And then every new pregnancy, I was aware of more things that could go wrong and was just really grateful to get the end and they didn't happen or whatever worry I had. And so when I had that, you know, beautiful, healthy baby in my arms, um, number four, I was like, yes, I am at peace. I'm good. I'm good.
So that was me personally. And you didn't want to gild the lily. I didn't want to gild the lily. Again, I actually don't even, does it have to do with painting something?
we need to maybe look at that and seth will look it up for us okay next question angelica sweat says i've been married to my husband for 17 years we got into a little routine rut and we only have one income so we're in very big need of a great vacation what do you recommend to keep making memories on a single tight budget like what could they do um i don't know where they live
I feel like hiking, like, right? Hiking. It's me hiking, walking, like Mark and I go hiking in Central Park, which is free. And we go in the Ramble. We go for miles and it's heavenly. We connect. We have the best time. Sometimes on a weekend, we'll take a picnic lunch. Um,
we try to go to like an off the beaten path spot because otherwise you've got to deal with, now it's just a pot fest. Everything is, every weekend is Woodstock. It's so true. Unless you want to get high. But I think that there's a lot that you can do on a very limited budget. I think that sometimes rut equals just, it's like everything's the same all the time. So I don't know. I mean, I know this sounds a little bananas, but like sometimes it may be, it's like,
Breakfast for dinner. Sometimes it's like, I knew you were going to say that. Going to, you know, shaking his head. But like, I mean, honestly, like I said, I mean, I'm taking you seriously that there's that, that your resources are limited. I mean, sometimes it's just, it's just like doing something unexpected and surprising each other with, you know, some new something, some behavior. And I also think it's like super nerdy and makes me feel like I might be very, very, very, very old, but like picking up a little,
like backgammon, you tennis. I mean, public courts are all over the place and like just like doing something different. Even like camping, you can go camping. I don't like camping, Kelly. All right, Sydney Page, what do you do when your best friend starts dating a guy and becomes so consumed that she has no time for you? It's her first love and she blows me off all the time to be with him. Oh,
Oh, that's a boundary issue. There's some boundaries. Boundary work is hard. Roll up your sleeves. Yeah. That's going to be heartbreaking. It's a boundary issue. Yeah. It's really heartbreaking and practicing. I mean, that sounds, again, nerdy, but practicing good boundaries is rough. Also because most people fucking talk about it, but they don't teach it. So you're like,
okay, but where do I learn how to have boundaries? And what's a healthy boundary? Because most people feel like having a boundary is disappointing someone, but it's not. It's, it's, you know, it's, I mean, for me, it would be, it would be the sit down that was like to my friend, I love you so much. I am so happy for you. I think it's phenomenal that you found someone that you enjoy so much. And I miss you.
And I'm wondering like where, how I find going back to a little belonging that Kelly's planted the seed for. It's like, where's my place and how can I, how can I, how can I find it? Yeah, that's, I agree with that advice. Also just giving her grace that if it is a new relationship, just, you know,
I mean, who knows? It's her first love. Chances are it won't be her last love. I think that the best time to set the boundary is after this relationship ends to say, okay, look, now that you're crying on my shoulder, let's set a new boundary the next time you get into a relationship. I will not tolerate being blown off. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know. That's because I'm a coward. Okay. Meredith Byrne says, I've been married for 25 years and the lust has gone away. Any advice to rekindle the spark? The lust has gone away. The lust. I mean, doesn't the lust go away right away? Oh, Jan. I think lust can be sparked at any time. I would invite your partner on a date, like literally a date.
and say, "Look, I don't feel connected to you. I would like for us to have a little bit of a connection. I need you to start revving me up while I'm at work. Give me a sexy phone call and meet me at Chili's on Route 73 at 8:00 PM. And just so you know." - Could I go on a date with you? That sounds amazing.
Meredith, what's your address? Albert will be right there. Chili's.
Oh my good golly. I mean, sometimes you just have to put it out there, no? Like you just have to be, you have to be vocal about what you want. Men are not psychics. I think that that's absolutely true. And I think that it's the connection piece. It's just life is a lot and we get stuck in doing the same thing and taking care of the thing and letting the things that we need to take care of be more important than anything else. And I think that that's ultimately not all that sexy.
And so it's easy to have, you know, life get sort of holistically not so sexy. So I think that it's that. What does that mean for you? Like, how do you surprise, you know, your partner? How do you how do you rev them up in some way? I mean, sometimes it is like a truly like I'm not easy. I'm like, you just like compliment me. And I'm like, I'm words of affirmation. I do look nice today.
By the way, it makes it sound like you never complimented me. No, same. We are the same person. I'm just you in the future. Just tell yourself. I'm the you of the future. I'm like the ghost of Christmas future. I'll take it. All right. Before she goes, we made her something that we're going to send her. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. This is amazing. How did you come up with that? What are you, a one-man Etsy? It's a cup. It's a mug. It's a mug. It's my CCP. Ketchup, chicken,
With a little chicken on it. You down with CCP? Yeah, you know me. We're going to send it to her as a thank you gift for doing the podcast. We're going to remix that song, too. Oh, yeah, we are going to remix that song. I mean, guys, I smell a new bowl. Love it.
Thank you so much for joining us on our humble little podcast. Oh, I love it. We have the best listeners and they are, they are avid podcasters. So don't forget to check out Jessica's new podcast. It's called Call It What It Is, wherever you get your podcasts. Jessica Capshaw, everybody. Thank you. I love being with you so much. Bye. Thank you. Bye.
That was fun. Have you guys been friends for a while? Or did you meet on the show? Or did you know her beforehand? Jessica? Yeah. Just from the show. Oh. But we, like, we always DM each other. We shoot each other texts. Anytime I post a video working out, she's like, I'm coming. I'm getting it. She's like, can you wait? Like, I'll be there in two hours. So.
Seth's going to say goodbye. Oh my God, this is exciting. I don't think I can do this. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. Come on, do it. You started out so promising. Well, that's it. Don't forget to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you are listening to this here podcast. Also, while you're at it, give our Instagram a follow at Let's Talk Off Camera for sneak peeks at upcoming guests. Bye, everyone. Can't wait to talk off camera next week. Woo-hoo! You got the job, Seth. Woo-hoo!
Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa is a production of Melojo Productions with help from Goat Rodeo. Our theme song is Follow Me from APM Music. From Melojo, our team is Kelly Ripa, Mark Consuelos, Albert Bianchini, Jan Chalet, Devin Schneider, Michael Halpern, Jacob Small, Roz Therrien, Seth Gronquist, and Julia Desch.
from Goat Rodeo. Our team is Cara Shillen, Megan Nadolski, Max Johnston, Isabel Kirby McGowan, and Rebecca Seidel. Additional sound design by Terrence Bernardo. This show is powered by Stitcher.
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