Fame: With Cole Sprouse and Catherine O'Hara 46:53

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To me, I think the responsibility for being a role model kind of stopped when social media allowed people to fill in the gray areas of understanding of you with whatever narrative they wanted. Somebody got to cue me or do I cue myself? Cue yourself. Okay. Hey, we're back with another episode of season two of Let's Talk Off Camera. So let's get talking. Woo!

Guys, you know, today we're doing things a little differently around here. We've asked some of our guests this season to share their relationship with fame and

And I think that some of their insights are very fascinating to hear, the different perspectives from different generations of talent. But before we dive in with Cole Sprouse and Catherine O'Hara, I think Albert and Jan want to turn the tables and interview me as an ME? Yeah. Okay. So here's my question. When was the first time you felt like you experienced fame? Fame. I mean, I don't really...

I don't really consider myself famous ever. I guess like the closest thing I would think was when I was on All My Children and they did, they used to do that Super Soap Weekend, which was a huge fan event. And don't forget, there used to be three channels. There were no streaming services. There was no internet. There were no cell phones available.

And so soaps were huge. I mean, they were really, really huge. And ABC Soaps had something called Super Soap Weekend, which was the Comic-Con of soap operas. It was a massive fan event. And literally you ran from location to location all throughout the theme park. And tens of thousands of people would line up to get autographs. It was a massive event.

And I guess that, and then you would notice like if you went anywhere outside of your hotel room, you were, you had to go with security. I mean, people would like cheer for me and they would maybe run over and take a picture. But Mark was like chased down the street. Like they had security and he had to run into the hotel and run into a restaurant. So I guess that would be the time. And was that startling to you or was it like, oh, this is so cool? Um.

You know, I'm really definitely an introvert. I thought it was like a little strange. I didn't get it. I never watched all my children, so I didn't understand it. But...

I did watch One Life to Live and I got to see all of those celebrities at Super Soap Weekends who that was pretty exciting. Although I played it cool. Like I played it cool. You know, I didn't ask them for an autograph or anything, although I wanted to. Was young Kelly, was that ever something that fame she desired? Definitely not. Like I didn't even understand. I wouldn't even know what that meant. But I knew that there were shows that I watched.

I knew that there were programs I liked. I knew I loved Prince and the Revolution. But to me, they were almost concepts. Like it never occurred to me that you could do that for a living or be that for a living or have a job where people might know you in any way. You know, for me, it was more like...

Just find a job, get a good job. Whether it was acting on a soap or hosting a talk show, it was just find a good job, get a good job. I would do them the same if they were off camera as if they were on camera. Right. Like I would not change one thing about my interpretation of how I did my job.

But do you feel like there's ways, tell me some ways that you felt like fame has been a blessing, but then also ways that fame maybe has been a curse for you? I think everything I've done in my career has been a blessing. I don't think of any of it as a curse. I think like probably my, like I would have family members that would say it's a curse. You know, my mom is so fiercely private and every time I open my mouth and talk about her, she is like, nobody needs to know my business. Right.

That kind of thing. But for me, it has blessed us enormously. Like because of my jobs and working for ABC my entire career, we've gone on beautiful trips. We live in a nice home. My kids have never had to incur any student debt. My

My kids have grown up and gone to the same schools all their lives. Like they were able to have a normal life while still having parents in show business. That is a not, it's unheard of. So I would say it's all a blessing. But do you ever question people who are...

becoming friends with you if they're becoming friends with you for the right reasons. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, do you ever question people's motives? No, I think those people usually present themselves in a way more obvious way than they think. I mean, that's always kind of apparent. And you know me, like the friends that I've had, I've had for decades and decades. Like I, nobody's out there trying to newly suddenly become my friend. It's, you know, I keep a pretty tight ship. It's pretty locked down and,

There were a few times my kids were invited to birthday parties and, you know, because I was a working mom, I wasn't sure. You know, I just assumed that my kids were friends with these kids and my kids would be in the cab with me like, wait, why are we going to this? I don't even know this kid. You know, so sometimes that would happen, I think. I want to know, how did your relationship to fame change once you had kids? Like when Michael came around, it's one thing to protect yourself.

publicly with cameras, but like now you're carrying an infant around. Here's the thing. I was very protective of my kids as I still am. Like I'm very protective of them, but I knew that as normal as I was would be as normal as my kids would be.

And if I made a big deal about the fact that people were taking pictures or photographers were following us or whatever, that might really freak them out. My kids were aware that they lived a really wonderful life and part of that is the job. And the other part of the job is that sometimes photographers follow you down the street. And that's part of the job. And we live a really blessed life because of these things. And...

And, and yes, it may feel weird and maybe it's not fair, but you know what? It's not fair. Also having a mom that's never home because she has to work five jobs. Right. And so I, you know, I, my kids got it really quickly. And I think it's because we were normal that way that they were normal that way.

You and Mark both put in a lot of hard work to achieve what you have, but there's a lot of people now who are famous where, you know, you kind of are like, well, what did they do? Like all of a sudden this like Instagram famous or, you know, a picture was posted and all of a sudden they shot to fame or a video. But, um,

What do you think of that? Like, what are your thoughts on that? I mean, I think there are people that want to be famous. Like, fame is the goal. And if that's how they achieve it, good for them. Go get yours. Like, I don't begrudge anybody any opportunity. Hard work is hard work, right? And if you can find a shortcut your way in, go for it, I say. I mean, but you have to understand that, like, if you receive opportunities...

because you found a shortcut, you're still going to be required to work your ass off. Right. You know, that's the warning thing I would say, but I don't begrudge anybody like anything. What responsibilities do famous people have to be role models? Well, they should not be assholes. I always find like, you know, we were in Las Vegas doing the remote and...

It was so funny. This woman said to me, she goes, it's so nice that you talk to your fans. And I go, what are you talking? Like, I'm literally like, what are you talking about? I talk to the audience every day. Like, I talk to them every day.

And she said, well, you know, sometimes people are not so friendly or whatever. And I go, look, if you have a talk show, and again, you have a talk show and you cannot talk to your audience or you don't, like, you don't think that...

it's important to connect with the people that support you and have supported you all these years, then maybe you shouldn't have a talk show. You know, maybe you should, if you have a job in the public eye and you can't be bothered to say hello to your fans, say if you're a movie star or whatever, I get it. Everybody wants their privacy sometimes. I get it.

Nobody wants to be interrupted in the middle of the meal. But it's like such a small thing for such an otherwise like

advantage life I just feel like I don't know it's not a lot to ask I've got one one fun question yeah so when you made your first like real chump change real chump change yeah yeah what was your first like splurge purchase so I bought my mother a piano really yeah I love that I didn't know that that's amazing yeah

You learn something new on this podcast every day, Albert. No, my grandmother always had a piano and my grandmother played the piano. My sister and I took piano lessons for 180 years and still don't play the piano. But that's our failure. That's not my mom's failure. But it's one of those things that when my mom like redecorated after my grandmother died, certain things just like left the house. You know, and Anderson talks about this all the time. Like,

when after his father died he would watch works of art walk out of the house now we did not have works of art but how do we know maybe we did have works of art i don't know but things just like in the redecorating in the modernizing the piano it was a upright piano and it was definitely like i'll show you a picture i'm dying to see it i bet you it was valuable but anyway it was left

And in its place stood nothing. Like nothing ever stood there again. And so with my first purchase, I got a white lacquer stand-up piano. I love that. Kimball, I think. I love that. Yeah. Those are hard to find, white pianos. That's great. It's amazing. Well, in South Jersey. We looked for one. In South Jersey, it's not that hard. All right. We're going to let you do the interviewing now and go back to our guests. Okay.

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You started out in diapers in the business. Twins were a hot commodity. Oh, yeah. And why is that? Explain to our listeners why twins are such a hot commodity in show business. So twins, especially when we're super young, are like the perfect little labor exploitation.

And I know that sounds quite serious, but it's actually quite funny. Child labor laws dictate that children can only work a certain amount of hours. Babies, as an example, can only work one to two hours. If you have two that look identical, you double the amount of time.

that you can have that role working in a workday because a lot of productions want to maximize the effective time that they can have these kids on screen. And so did your parents ever tell you like which twin was the better onset twin? That's a great question. No, because that probably would have led to a massive fight.

But to be honest, I think it's also important that my brother and I were both very ill-behaved kids. So rewarding one of us for bad behavior was—

Just wouldn't have made much sense. I want to get to that in a minute. When did you and your brother first – because I'm going to talk about you both like you were one entity in the beginning because you became famous when you were very young. When were you both aware that you were famous? Was it something that you acknowledged to each other? Was it something that Dylan said, hey, by the way, we're famous.

famous now or did you say that to him? No, I think when my brother and I did Big Daddy and the movie became quite successful, it was kind of the biggest thing that we had done at the time. And I remember walking around Los Angeles and having people go, Julian, Julian, which was the name of the character that we played, said,

And that's when it started to kind of dawn on me like, oh, the job that I am doing is being watched by a lot of people and they're resonating with it. But this is always kind of a hard – like the fame question is always kind of hard for me to answer because –

I grew up with it as such an active part of my life that the frame of reference outside of it is a little bit skewed, admittedly. It's not that I don't know what it's like to have the kind of relative anonymity that anybody outside of that weird, abnormal existence has, but my frame of reference for how we talk about it is probably a little bit off.

No, but I think it's a very interesting perspective when you literally have no real concept of what it's like to not be famous or to be anonymous, to be able to walk somewhere, anywhere without people knowing who you are. That's got to be a very strange... Because everybody...

For the most part, who has a show business career or an entertainment career or a career where they may be well-known has had some experience in their life where they weren't famous unless like you, like maybe Drew Barrymore, where you're famous your entire life into adulthood and

And, and that's gotta be an interesting concept to not really have a memory of not being famous. Would you say that it's been a blessing more or a curse more or somewhere in between? I definitely think it's a blessing. I think once you, once you reconcile like the absence of certain kinds of anonymity in your life, like I think it's a blessing. I think the anonymity question is kind of the big question.

because we all have spaces in our lives where we can be more or less anonymous. And I think there are just certain spheres in my life that I reconcile that I'm not going to have as much anonymity in that space that I would in a different space. But I also think the other side of that is that

you know, the, the amount of privilege that you are granted based on the reduction of that anonymity, uh, is also quite a bit depending on the space that you go into. I think if you can sit down and you can actually take time to, to appreciate it, it comes with a tremendous amount of luxury and privilege and, and all of that. So I don't really buy into like so much of the, um,

woe is me narrative that like comes with a lot of that lifestyle. I just, I think that's just kind of an issue of perspective. I think all of us have a tendency to feel sorry for ourselves at certain points, but I think that's really just an issue with perspective. And I, I,

I think the more you sit with it, the more healthy you can come to terms with it. I also think that you have a really great sense of humor when it comes to sort of the aspect of fame in your life. And I think that...

Um, you know, I was, I was telling these guys before you logged on that we've been on vacation together and, uh, Lola's boyfriend who is like, I like, he reminds me of you in a lot of ways in terms of his personality. He's a great talker. He can really tell a story. He can carry a room in a way, you know, he sucks you in and he's got this great personality. We really like him a lot. Yeah.

And I couldn't wait for you to meet him. And, you know, Cole walks into the room and basically Cassius falls silent. And Cassius is not himself. And to the point where I'm like, is he okay? Is everything okay? And he said to me, I'm so starstruck because he grew up

with you, like being a person, like he grew up on Zack and Cody, the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. And he actually had said to Lola, he was concerned that he would not be able to carry on a normal conversation with you.

which thankfully you don't need anybody to carry on like a normal car. Cole walks in and then it's the Cole. I like the Cole show. Well, it probably didn't help that whenever I was talking to him, I tried not to blink once and just look him right in the eyes, you know?

So what are your thoughts on social media and the effect that social media has on fame? We've had lots of off-camera, off-mic discussions about this. I just find that the social media aspect has made everything so much less pleasant than it used to be. What are your thoughts on that? I don't know. It's a bit...

It's a bit like shitting your pants in high school and then being known as like the guy that crapped his pants forever. No, I think – and you remember this too, I'm sure, but there used to be kind of one rule at least when I was on Disney.

when it came to interacting with how people were speaking about you or your career personally. And the rule was do not go on the IMDB forums. That was the kind of golden rule because that was at the time the only real space or forum that people were kind of having, you know, anonymous. They were monsters. Yeah. Monsters. That's where they were having the discussions about you or your character or whatever. Yeah.

And that was the rule. Don't go on there. And now, you know, now the IMDb forums are like, that's Instagram, that's Twitter, that's TikTok, that's we have, you know, tens of outlets with which to reach out to a to a person, you know, in a semi direct way.

That you can read and you can digest. And so for me, I think social media, like I think the ultimate privilege at least as an entertainer when it comes to social media is your ability to get off of social media without it affecting your career, which I don't think a lot of.

a lot of us have the ability to do. I think most of us recognize that social media is a tremendously marketable and profitable space. And so most of us want to continue to engage with that. And then for younger generations of actors, you know, I know a lot of studios and casting directors that are deeply attuned to a person's following or a person's, um,

on social media as a way of...

getting them hired, which I think is absurd. Yeah, they'll hire them if they have a certain amount of fan base, a certain following, a certain engagement. They will get hired for an acting job, which to me, I agree with you, is the wrong reason to hire someone in the creative arts. I agree. And I think a lot of us have forgotten, I remember dial-up, but a lot of us have forgotten that

The internet rewards extremes. It has never rewarded moderation. It only rewards...

the most polarizing thinking. And so you're only going to get the most sensational or polarizing soundbites, headlines, whatever the hell it is. And I believe what that's done is it's turned most of us who are in the entertainment arts into, it's an active caricaturization that has taken us further away from the kind of humanity that we had at least in better dose before

Mm-hmm.

Do you think that famous people have an obligation to be a role model? Nah. Nah, I really don't. You know, I used to think that when I was younger. It's a good thing to think when you're younger. It probably keeps you out of trouble. And it did. It kept me out of a lot of trouble when I was younger. And in fact, you know, I remember going through college and being really aware of how I was being perceived publicly and

So I would hold myself with a kind of etiquette in order to be perceived as not a failure. Like a lot of child stars, or at least a lot of child entertainers are followed by this idea of like this, you know, imploding self-destructing kind of image that follows them around. And I was very aware of that. So I tried to keep myself from falling in line with that image for a long time. And then I realized it didn't matter how

I acted, that image was going to follow me around regardless. People were going to, whether you were being good, whether you were being bad, whatever it was, they were going to place it on you anyhow. So it didn't, to me, I think the responsibility for being a role model kind of stopped when social media allowed people to fill in the gray areas of understanding of you with whatever narrative they wanted. It's not, you know, it's not going to change anyone's mind. Yeah.

Right.

has no real honest to God impact on how people are going to choose to perceive you anyhow. I found it. Right. That is an astute person making an observation from, from personal experience. And maybe that's my personal experience, you know? No, but I think that is most people, if they're in the public eye and they have to handle social media in some way, I think that is exactly right.

you're not going to convince anyone of anything other than what they already believe. Thank you for chatting with us. I really appreciate it. Of course. Bye, guys. Bye. See you later. It's sad that you could get 20 people in a room saying something nice to you and one person says, oh, you look awful or oh, you're boring. And that's what will stick in your brain.

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I don't know if this is true, but I suspect that you really got into show business because you loved to perform and the fame aspect was not necessarily a thing that you were after. It was just the performance, the comedy, the improvisation. I'm always interested in fame from a person who did not pursue fame. I want their sort of

perspective in that? Of course. Thank you, Kelly. You're so encouraging. Yeah, I did. You're right. I did not get into it for fame. And I think, you know, Gilda. Gilda Radner. Yeah. Is it true that your brother dated her? Yes. Yeah, they met at a theater in Toronto, Global Village. Wow.

Yes. Getting to be with her was such a gift because you could see just a normal, fun, loving, funny woman could actually have a job, you know, being funny and coming up with ideas. And you could be a decent, normal person at the same time. I don't even know if I thought of this so much as recently just talking about her.

she was just such a great example and

You know, otherwise I told my parents, oh, I want to be an actor. And they're like, no, you know, it's not, it was not the world it is now where people have that access to the rest of the world and can perform and, and believe that they could, you know, they've seen others get fame overnight, it seems right from presenting themselves and what they do online. Right. That didn't exist. So I'm out in the suburbs and Gilda comes to our house and it's like, oh, wait a minute. You know, it's possible, I guess. So that, that,

Yeah. So that's, that's, it wasn't about being famous for sure. And I don't ever think of it. I forget. And I don't want to be out in the world thinking people know Mary Lovely, love me unless, unless I'm trying to get a table at a restaurant, trying to get in somewhere, you know?

That's what I heard. Yeah, you're right. If I had the nerve of Dan Aykroyd, I would try it. Yeah. I wonder if he still does that.

So what was the first time you felt like you experienced fame? Like when was the first time that it dawned on you? Oh, everyone in this room recognizes me from what? Can you tell me the first time it was, it dawned on you that perhaps you were famous? Uh, I would guess that I must've had a bit of that with SCTV. Cause that was the first thing, you know, first series I did on TV. But, um,

No, even now, you know, people when you do comedy, you get the nicest kind of reactions from people. People just smile or say hi. And and I really don't know. I don't want to assume. So I don't know if it's because they've seen me work or if I met them in a restaurant or a bar or somewhere. I really don't know. So sometimes the only one I don't really love is when someone says, why do I know you?

And then you say, oh, I don't know. Do we meet at a party? It's no, no. Oh, I don't know. Then you end up standing there giving your resume and they go, no, not that. No, I didn't see that. It's like, okay, it's okay. We don't have to do that.

Oh, no. No. Now I'm just embarrassed, okay? So how do you think that fame impacted your relationship with your friends and your family? Like the people that knew you before. Did anybody start treating you differently? I suspect in your family, probably not. It sounds like there was a lot going on there. A lot of personalities. No, I think sometimes they'll say...

you know, other people talk to them about me and that might be weird. But no, no. And I don't want to, I don't want to think of myself that way. I don't want to think that,

somebody's looking at me any differently than they ever did. I'm a goof. I was always a goof and I still am. When I'm with my family, with my six sisters and brothers, I cannot get a word in. They put me in my place. Not in any bad way. We are who we are. We all go back to who we always were. I just don't want to think that way. I'll be with friends. Sometimes I'll sit with

Marty or Eugene and I think, wow, they're really, they're really talented, famous people. How can I be sitting here thinking of them that way? Not, I mean, I don't, it makes me feel almost alienated from them if I look at them that way. So I don't want anyone looking at me that way. No. Do you think that social media affects, I mean, you sort of touched on this a little bit,

But I feel like sort of you feel that people can just become famous overnight for some social media post. Do you think that people are pursuing careers in show business now?

I hate to say the right reasons because I sound like a Bachelor contestant, but do you feel like it seems almost like people aren't in it for the artistry anymore or for the storytelling anymore. They're sort of in it for like the, I have a large following on social media, so now I'm going to make movies. I can't imagine the pressure that people must feel now. I would like to think it's about the same percentage of the population that

that believe they have talent and are looking for a chance, you know? And then there's a lot of other people who just want to be famous, you know? But there's also so much pressure on people. You can't do anything without posting about it. And I think of,

I feel bad for people, especially people who are creative and want to try new ideas. If you're putting it out there and you're getting people to comment right away, you know, it's like poking at the embryo. Just like, let it grow. Let me make mistakes. We were allowed to... You know, when I started out in Second City Theatre, it was only that audience that...

shared that experience that night. Maybe they went and told their friends or not to see it or not see it at the end of the show. But otherwise, we were free to try things and free to fail. And now it's like you better be so polished by the time you post it because you got to be ready for that world of comments to come back to you.

I don't know. I just, I think it curbs creativity. It's funny. I was, I was trying to tell, Mark and I were telling our kids about going to nightclubs in, you know, the early nineties before cell phones, before social media and how much fun we had and how free we were to have fun. Like we had fun and we had unfettered fun. And the last thing we were thinking about was,

Oh, we have to get a camera so that we can take pictures of this so that we can show everyone later. We just like, we're in the moment.

And our kids looked at us and they were like, were you poor? And I'm like, no, we weren't poor. Everybody lived, you know, it's like we lived in the moment because we weren't distracted and we weren't fearful of like, oh my gosh, what if somebody sees me, you know, dancing on a, I can't imagine nowadays being a young person and trying to have fun. It seems like a very unfun proposition. Isn't it? Unfun and fun.

Anti-creative. I mean, I know there's some wonderful creativity on the internet, of course, but you can't really take chances. No, you can't. You can't. I don't know. You better never, never get in trouble because everything's out there about you. Oh my gosh. Never get in trouble. I mean, it's so true. I am always saying that. I'm like, if you weigh in, if you're going to be critical of people, just remember there will be a day where you will screw up.

And they will come for you. And they will drag every receipt out of the bag, every bone out of the closet. They will pick, they will find, they will dig up every dead horse. It's so interesting. And now every person in the world could be a critic. They have access to the internet and everything.

We could all give our opinions about everything. Yeah. Like I'm doing right now. I don't listen to critics. And I've never once said, let's go to a movie based on what a critic says. It just doesn't occur to me. Yeah, no, I don't either. I feel like critics are always frustrated. They wanted to be actors and they can't. And so they hate everything. I mean, I've only been reviewed a few times in my life and it's always been abysmal. No. The reviews have been... No.

Yeah, yeah. Earth shatteringly bad. Earth shattering. And I'll tell you a story. Regis kept his bad reviews that he's gotten in his life. He kept them in his office. And I think it was his retirement show or his last show on live where he read some of his bad reviews. That's good. That's good. Do you remember that, Al?

It was amazing. It was actually kind of amazing that he read some of these blistering reviews. But what to me, what fascinated me was that he held on to them for all those years. Like it still bothered him. It's sad that you could get 20 people in a room saying something nice to you. And one person says, oh, you look awful or oh, you're boring. And that's what will stick in your brain. It's so sad, isn't it? Why do we...

So need that encouragement from others. But I love, I love to try to not take the positive seriously because then I'll have to, I'm set up to take the negative seriously. So take it all with a grain of salt. Yeah, I was just going to say that. I don't like, I don't, I stay right in the middle. I don't believe anything good written about me. I mean, if that were to ever happen.

I don't believe it. And I certainly don't believe any of the nasty shit that's written about me on the daily. So I stay right nice and even. Nice and even, baby. Yeah. You know what I think? I think in order to comment...

online at all, you should have to show your face and your address. Oh, I agree. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Love that. Yes. And phone number. Yeah. And phone number. Legitimate contact info and your whole face and full body photo. You know what? And when I'm your president, that will be mandatory. Please make it happen. Anyway, it's been a pleasure and a blessing. Yeah.

Catherine O'Hara everybody thank you Kelly I'm honored thank you thank you we'll talk soon take care bye bye thank you bye yep Kel before we leave we've got some Ask Kellys for you okay a lot of people have been writing in asking for advice so channel your dear Abby okay let me wait no you don't really have

any degree in this but I have no degree in this but I am ready to dole out well this is solicited advice I would never typically dole out unsolicited I'm actually going to get rid of last names people will know I just think it's better so Jennifer wants to know what's your take on when both parents have very different relationships with their child and it takes a toll on your marriage

Oh, well, I mean, you're not giving me a lot of detail in this, so. Oh, I do have a little detail. It happens to be a two-woman marriage. Okay. The child is a teenager who was adopted, but they didn't adopt together. Okay. Which might be maybe some of the source. So there's a power dynamic there. And they've been married for two years. Two years. Okay. You know, teenagers, you said a daughter, the daughter? Yes. Teenage girl? Teenage girls are, as you are no doubt aware, uh,

Very challenging. And they will test the fence for weaknesses. So what you and your wife have to do is to be completely in line in

in public. That means in front of the teenager. Okay. And believe me, Mark and I were not always aligned in our thought processes, but in front of the kids, we were completely aligned. No matter what batshit crazy thing he said. I mean, there was a time we were, I've told this story before, so forgive me. We were on an airplane to Florida. The kids started fighting and Mark said, if you're not good, I'm going to go up there and have the pilot

Turn this plane around and take us back, which is, as we all know, horse shit and is not going to happen. I mean, he would be arrested for attempting to storm the cockpit, you know, but even though I knew it was horse shit.

I waited to tell him that until we were in the privacy of the hotel room at Disney World where I, you know. So my point is you cannot fight with each other in front of the child. Right.

So the child, because the child is going to test every boundary, she will look for every weakness in your marriage and exploit it. So you have to be totally aligned, especially in front of her. And if you have a disagreement over the dynamic between you and the child or your partner and the child, you have to work on it privately and

But don't you agree with me? So many people are trying to be friends with their kids. Yeah, you can never be friends with these kids. I hate that. I hate when people are parents who are like, I'm friends with the kids. You should not want to be the popular parent. I mean, if you're like, I'm the popular parent, well, that's a red flag. Yeah. So try not to be the popular parent.

Um, I promise you, your daughter will still love you and will actually, when she grows up to be an adult and is a normal person, um,

Because, you know, like teenagers are not in the right headspace. They are basically there to test every boundary known to man. You have to be the rock, the rock, the rock and the parent. You two are parents first and foremost. You are not best friends. Not one of you is the cool parent and one of you is the mean parent. It's not like that. You're the parents. You're both the parents. Okay, Paul, I'm a single guy and I've known this couple for like 20 years.

And lately, his wife has been sending me sexually charged emails. In the last one, she sent me a photo of her in an exotic pose. I've known my buddy for 20 years and I don't know how to deal with his wife. Any suggestions? Well, Paul, first of all, you promised you would not expose me. I was sending you tasteful news. Tasteful news. Um...

I don't even know what to say. I don't know. Can you read? Do you tell your friend? Can you read the second part of that again? I've known my buddy for 20 years and I don't know how to deal with his wife. Any suggestions? Do you tell? Do you tell your friend or not? I wonder if it's his friend testing him in some way. I mean, is that...

I don't, you said, oh, like, yes. I'm saying, oh, like, no. No, I don't know. That's, that's something. I mean, it's. I think you ignore, don't you think? Don't you just ignore? You think you ignore or you tell? You ignore. I think you don't engage. I wish Mark was here. I think you just disengage. Yeah, I would disengage. I mean, I would literally disengage from, I hate to say it, both of them.

Because if he comes with her and she doesn't know what proper boundaries are clearly, then you may have to disengage because, I don't know, Jan, what is the right answer? God, this Ask Kelly segment is really turning into a nightmare. That's so difficult. I mean, maybe there's a chance if he tells his friend, he blows up his friendship and his friend doesn't believe him. That's very true. Very true.

I think I would say, here's what I would do at first. I would respond to the wife. I wouldn't ignore it. Respond and just say, LOL? No, just say like, I'm not comfortable with this or this is crossing a boundary for me. Respond and copy the friend and say, clearly you sent this to the wrong person. LOL. Paul, copy the friend. Anytime somebody sends me anything like wacko, I'm like, LOL. LOL.

All right, next one, Todd. So my kids are very angry at the fact that they lost their dad in October, especially Teddy, our youngest. They seem to be holding their feelings in. I suggested a new sport, so he's picked boxing. I just feel like getting some of my feelings out by telling you, but do you have any feedback that it would be greatly appreciated? I have a deeper question. I'm sorry for your loss, by the way.

Um, my first like train of thought is like, have they had grief counseling? Have you been to a family therapist? Because I think processing grief, it can be really beneficial to like, um,

seek the treatment of a professional or a bereavement counselor or even they have like support groups. I know churches and synagogues have support groups, bereavement support groups where you can be around other people that have lost their spouse and your children can be around other kids who have lost a parent and

Um, and in terms of sports, I think sports are always good. It's always a good outlet, but I don't think it's necessarily a cure-all for grief. It can help you expend a lot of energy. It can help you get like pent up frustrations, but unless you're processing the grief, you're not going to process the grief. That is my advice for you.

So Michelle says, how about a sister that hardly answers the phone when I call, although she tells me she would be lost without me? I'm the older sister, so I have to be there for her, but there are times I need her to be there for me too. Any advice? Oh, Michelle, I wish I could give you sister advice.

Sisters are tough. You know, I think that it's a theme in families. There's always, there seems to be one sibling that does all of the reaching out and one that sort of is on their own timeframe. And if I were you, I would just let the next reach out fall to your sister.

You know, and, and if a discussion comes up, say, well, I, you know, I can only reach out so, so much before it becomes frustrating that you never respond. You know, I have, I mean, I have that with kids and I've got, you know, one kid that never responds to any text, any voicemail or any email. Yeah.

I won't name this person, but there's one that never does and also does not respond to the family group chain, does not respond to...

They're siblings. And so I know what a frustrating dynamic that can be. I wish I could give you better advice, but my advice is stop trying so hard and let your sister try. And, you know, and I'm not saying, and ghost her when she reaches out. But just, I think you put, you take the obligation off of yourself. You have reached out. You are a good sister. You are available. But

You don't have to do all of the heavy lifting all of the time. Okay. One last one. One more. Lori Webb, how do I even start a relationship anymore? I'm 65, but look and feel way younger. Men my age want young women. There's no hope. I don't think that's true. I'm going to tell you something, Lori. So you're 65. Yep. Okay. So here's the funny thing. I don't know how to date. I haven't been on a date in a really long time. Like-

29 years. So nowadays it's like a whole different thing, but I know a lot of older men. Are you in New York City by any chance? I don't know where you live. You're going to set her up by the end of this. No, but I know a lot of older gentlemen. Sometimes they're divorced. Sometimes they're multiple divorced. So maybe I don't know if they just love love, but they are not

Most of the guys I know are looking for age appropriate relationships. They want a woman that they can have a conversation with, that they can listen to music together and it's of their same like generation. They're not interested in what kids are listening to today. They don't want to make TikTok videos. They want to have like intellectually stimulating conversations that one can only get through

from someone of their same generation or a very close to their generation, you know. So that's been my experience with my friends that I know that are either divorced or widowed here in the city. They're always looking for a woman in their age range. Of course, you know, Mark has that crazy rule, right?

What is it you? Oh, yeah. Half of your age plus seven. Right. Is that it? I think that's it. Half of if you're if you get divorced, that's what you go for. Formula. There's a half of your age plus seven, I think. But he got this from a friend of ours who is a multiple divorce person. And I was like, I don't know if I. Yeah. Let's ask Mark. Quick question we have for you.

Yes. What's the divorce age thing? It's half your age plus something or what was the number of the formula? Half your age plus seven. Half your age plus seven. Okay, thank you. Goodbye. So Lori should only date men that are half her age plus seven. Love it. Flip the narrative, Lori. That's awesome. Well, that's it. That's it. That's it?

That's it, everybody. Be sure to tell your friends about us and don't forget to give us five stars on Apple Podcasts. Bye, everyone. Can't wait to talk off camera next week.

Let's Talk Off Camera with Kelly Ripa is a production of Melojo Productions with help from Goat Rodeo. Our theme song is Follow Me from APM Music. From Melojo, our team is Kelly Ripa, Mark Hensuelos, Albert Bianchini, Jan Chalet, Devin Schneider, Michael Halpern, Jacob Small, Roz Therrien, Seth Gronquist, and Juliet Desch.

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