Church Musical 26:19

This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot, Shopify helps you do your thing however you cha-ching. From the launch your online shop stage all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage. No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash special offer all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash special offer.

Make this new school year an opportunity for your kids to learn important life skills with Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families where kids learn how to save, invest, and spend wisely while parents keep an eye on kids' money habits. Greenlight also helps families get into their fall routine with a chores feature that lets parents assign chores and pay kids allowance when they check them off. Get your first month free at greenlight.com slash spotify. greenlight.com slash spotify.

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn.com slash results.

LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Hey everyone, it's Trevor. Two important announcements this week. First, if you enjoy the show and want to support us, consider subscribing to our show on the Apollo Podcast app. And if you purchase a subscription in December, it's half off. Go to apollopods.com. Second, we'll be taking a holiday break on December 26th. Stay tuned for a chilling new episode next week on December 19th, and catch us in the new year on January 2nd. We are The Watches.

Observers of the strange, paranormal, occult, unwelcome, unspiritual, horrifying, mystical, secret, transcendent, repulsive, captivating, unwelcome, appalling, gruesome, unseen, magic, weird, revolting, intruder, horrifying, unseen.

Welcome to the Mayfair Watchers Society.

Good evening, everyone. It's so lovely to see you all here for this year's play, presented by the St. Mark's Church Youth Assembly. My name is Miss DeWitt, and I know our young thespians are very excited to bring you this year's show. They've all worked on it very hard, even writing it themselves with just a little help, and they are assisted by our very talented Miss McDougal on the piano.

We will have CDs burned with our recording of the show for sale at next week's services with all proceeds going to the roof repair fund. So, without further ado, please welcome to the stage our cast, Lily, Isaiah, Chase, and Harriet. Ladies and gentlemen, our story begins at the playground in the Mayfair Municipal Park. It was a warm autumn day, and the leaves were turning red.

And I want to give a shout out to my bros, Mikey and Dan. Isaiah, we're only supposed to say things from the play. It was as we were all on the merry-go-round that we saw something in the trees nearby. So we all went to investigate. Lily, it's you. Sorry. And there among the trees we saw the strangest thing we had ever seen. He was sitting way up in the trees Looking down at us

Seeing him we had to FREEZE! But he didn't make a fuss His arms were very very His fingers sharp and thin He was a kind of chalky white With his skin stretched tight with a grin He hung from a set of wire Like a puppet made of bone He went straight up to the sky Disappeared into the unknown He moved so fast

In a jerky sort of way At first we were alarmed But then he spread his arms, began to play And we sang Hey ho, puppet man Shakes his bones and does a dance White as a sheet and sweet as jam He's our friend

Hello Mr. Click-Itty-Clack Swings his dead legs forth and back Smiles so wide with his teeth so cracked We love him! Good job! Big ending! Alright! With a friendly grin of his We're glad we said hello Where he came from, what he is

There's just no way to know. And now whenever we play, we know we're not alone. Watching from high up in the trees is a friend of skin and bone. The puppet man shakes his bones and does a dance. White as a sheet and sweet as jam, he's our friend.

Hello, Mr. Clickety-Clack. Swings his dead legs forth and back. Smiles so wide with his teeth so cracked. We love him. Smiles so wide and glassy-eyed. We love him.

We all promised not to tell anyone about the monster we had seen, but someone didn't keep their promise. Lily. Harriet, you said you wouldn't say it like that. No, she went right home and told her dad all about it. It wasn't like that. Just say the lines, Lily. No, I don't want to do it. Come on, Lily. Remember what we said about being a team player. Yeah.

Get with the program, Lily. This is showbiz. Hush, Isaiah. Daddy, you'll never guess what I saw at the park today. Lily, my daughter, don't bother me now. I have to read my newspaper and complain about my boss. Then I have to watch football and tell the television how the rules work. I just don't have the time. But Daddy, it was a monster. A what?

a monster lilly you naughty girl you should never tell stories like that lying is wrong except when grown-ups do it about taxes or that time your cat died and they tried to get a new one that looked the same or who was driving the higher car when they drove it into a light-hole but apart from that lying is always bad

It's not a lie. Oliver saw it as clear as can be. I don't lie about things, Daddy. I always tell the truth. Even if it is true, you should never tell stories about monsters. But why not if I'm telling the truth?

You'll understand when you're older. You see, it's like this. If you know a certain something I don't want to hear, best keep it to yourself. There's no use spreading fear. That's a lesson I'll impart to you. When you tell a story, no matter how it's meant, expect to make us angry if it's inconvenient. Even if the thing you said is true.

You might say a thing that doesn't fit my politics, or tell me there's a problem that I now have to fix. Yes, we know there's monsters all around, so what? But if we talk about them, we'll hunt them where they lurk. Make laws and regulations, and that's all that we're always better not to make a sound. Lily, Lily, listen close, and learn the skill you'll use the most. Here's a skill I'm urging to you.

This is your new duty to assume. Daughter Lily learned to leave the room and never ever talk about bad news. Adults will go up and be on their plate. Facing up to truth is what they hate. You could pretend that everything

That really would feel so great. Be great, be great, be great, be great, be great. So if you see a monster, it might be dangerous. But it is more annoying if you come and bother us. Pretend that you don't see anything bad.

Some folks might get eaten, but I guess that's just life. It's worth a bit of dip if we're avoiding all that strife. Take it from your most untroubled dad. Lily, Lily, listen close and learn the skill you'll use the most. Here's a scale I'm urging you to learn.

Trevor Henderson here with an ad break.

If you'd like to get early and ad-free access to Mayfair Watchers Society, consider supporting us on the Apollo Podcast app. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot.

Shopify helps you do your thing, however you cha-ching. From the launch your online shop stage, all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage. No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash special offer, all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash special offer. And now, back to our show.

Now you know. It doesn't matter if you understand it as long as you do what you're told. Now, run along and don't bother me anymore. The economy isn't going to worry about itself. When Lily told us what her dad had said, we knew the grown-ups of Mayfair wouldn't believe us. Grown-ups don't believe anything unless they see it with their own eyes. Or if they read it on Facebook. Grown-ups sure are annoying. Especially parents. It's like they forget what it's like to be a kid.

Or that they were never even kids at all. At this point, I should say the next song is just a teensy bit controversial. The cast all worked very hard on it, and I didn't want the effort to go to waste, so I ran it past Pastor Milford. He said it was fine, as long as we make sure you know it's all meant in good humor, and the cast don't really mean it. I mean it. So let's all take this in the manner in which it is intended.

Parents are the worst, right guys? I can't stand it when they take my phone. They always say dumb stuff around my friends. They complain if I go out or I stay at home. The jerkitude of parents never ends. The TV shows my mom likes are really bad.

She tuts and sighs at everything I do. And don't go to the bathroom if my dad was the last one to go in there before you. You think they've never been a kid. You think neither of them ever did. Anything we like to do, they like me and you. All right. One more turn. Go. All right. Bring it down.

Good job, kids. Here we go. Verse two. They make me wear my older cousin's stuff. Make me look like a dork just to save some dough. They say a band school just isn't enough. But the things we have to learn, they never know.

When you're having a hard time, and suddenly take notice when you stray. They don't want us to go and live our lives, and never listen to a word we say. You think they've never been a child, you think they've never acted wild. Do all the things that we have done, go and have a look. They were just like us, when they were young.

It's all very well complaining about those dumb parents, but even an awesome song won't change anything. We've got to do something. Like lead a revolution! Take over the town! I'm liking this idea, but it doesn't sound very practical. Put our songs on a record so they all hear it and have to listen to us? No one buys records anymore, Lily. Oh. I've got it!

Grown-ups only believe what they can see, right? So why don't we bring Lily's dad to the playground and show him the monster?

I don't know. He's always really busy. Sometimes he has to go to the office at evenings or weekends. Mom found out the office isn't even open then, so whatever he does, it must be really important. Come on, Lily. You must be able to think of something. Tell him it's a father-daughter day at the park. Is that even a thing? It doesn't have to be. Just say all the cool dads are doing it.

Okay, I guess I could do that. So, Lily told her dad the housing association was having a barbecue and picnic down at the municipal park, and that the other families would be talking about who hasn't been painting their fences properly like the association rules said. Lily's father felt very strongly about people not painting their fences, so he was sure to go along to the barbecue with Lily.

This time, it was colder, and the leaves were starting to fall. The park custodian was raking the leaves into big piles for all the kids to jump into. Lily and her father came to the park and met us all there. Where are the rest of the Homeowners Association?

I guess they didn't come. Who am I supposed to complain to about next door's fence? What a waste of time. I could be shouting at the football game right now. Hi, Lily's dad. Yeah, hi. Who are these children? They're my friends, dad. You have friends? Shut up, Cheese. Dude, stick to the script. Fine. Hello, my young friends. What are you doing here?

We've got something to show you. Something unbelievably rad. It's over here, Dad. By the trees. Is this about that monster? I told you, Lily, you can't... Sweet Jiminy Christmas! What is that? And that's when the monster appeared.

This is where the story comes to an end. Lily's father saw the monster and learned an important lesson about having faith, not just in what we see, but sometimes in things we can't see at all.

The monster told Lily's father he was forgiven for doubting it was real, because forgiveness is also an important thing for us all to practice. Now, our cast will change into their Sunday best for our closing hymn. While they're backstage, I'd like to take the chance to thank you all again for coming, and in advance for all the support for the church, and especially the Roof Renovation Fund. Mr. Wicks?

We have a problem backstage. Not now, Isaiah. It's a girl problem. Oh, goodness. Ladies and gentlemen, I'll just be one moment. Okay, we totally had the proper ending written, but Pastor Whitten said we couldn't do it. So I locked the classroom backstage, and don't worry, I'll let them out when I'm done. But you can't silence the truth, man. Shh.

My cousin Mikey's in a band, and he lent me his guitar and amp, so this one goes out to him. The monster didn't really forgive Lily's dad, and it didn't go down like that. So I'm here to tell you what really happened. Everyone says Lily's dad ran off with his secretary. But what really happened is something way more scary. When he saw the monster,

He just stood and stared. I tell you, man, I never saw a grown-up look so scared. The monster climbed down from his tree and reached for Lily's dad.

Even though he tried to run, the monster looked real mad. It grabbed him with his fingers. They wrapped the whole way around. I tell you that's the real reason why Lily's dad was never found. Yeah, Lily's dad was frightened. Yeah, Lily's dad was scared. When he saw the monster, he wasn't prepared.

I'm not allowed to say

The monster picked him up and took care. Yeah, Lily's dad was scared, all right. Lily's dad was bold. He couldn't fight the monster and got

I saw the world just through the door And so we realized It was a place all made of teeth And fingernails and eyes Very far from Mayfair Far, far from this world It was so very weird and gross That I nearly hurled Lily's dad said, "Lily, my daughter, how could you?"

The monster walked into the door and pulled her dad right through. He yelled for us to save him. His voice went on and on. The door shut quick. The monster split. And Lily's dad was gone. Yeah, Lily's dad was gone. All right. Lily's dad was gone. The monster took him maybe for feasting on. Yeah, Lily's dad was seen.

Rock and roll!

No, I didn't know any of this. This is highly unorthodox. Okay, I got a shout-out to my bros and my band. They're called Excruciating Pig Ness and they rule out things. That is enough, Isaiah. Chet and Butch, get up here and take him backstage. You can't stop the rock, man!

Apologies for the technical difficulties there. That concludes the St. Mark's annual show. Let's hear a big hand for our cast. Don't forget, it's our bake sale two weeks Sunday. Good night, everyone. Play us out. Play us out. Mayfair Watchers Society is based on the works of Trevor Henderson. Church Musical was written by Ben Counter.

Miss DeWitt was played by Rachel Finn. Lily was played by Melissa Lusk. Harriet was played by Maddie Moore. Chase was played by Dustin Sullivan. And Isaiah was played by Will Gallagher. The dialogue editor was Daisy McNamara. The sound designer was Travis McMaster. The music is by Matt Royberger. The showrunner is Pacific S. Obadiah. The creative director is me, Trevor Henderson. And the producers are Tom Owen and Brad Miska. A Bloody FM Show.