It Just Takes A Glimmer (feat. Hollywood Stunt-Double, Kimberly Shannon Murphy) 01:35:28

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Welcome back to this week's episode of Unlocked. I am very excited for this episode. It's definitely, I don't know, this year, I will say, I have been on a mission to have more intentional conversations and episodes. I want people to leave with

Just something that helps to better your life. And this week, I'm so excited because I have Kimberly Shannon Murphy on. Welcome. Thank you. So there, guys, there's so many things that I could say. We had breakfast this morning and this, I just, I have a feeling this is going to be

an awesome friendship in the making. Like I am very excited for this, but Kimberly just came out with a book called Glimmer and it is amazing. I will say it, it causes you to like look at all different aspects of your life and help to heal in certain aspects. But I did just want to read, I mean, I could give an explanation of who she is, but the book does a better job. So I'm going to do that and then we'll get into it.

So, "Glemmer," a gripping, unforgettable story of overcoming childhood trauma. Piece by piece, the onsite medic tweezers the shards of candy glass from my face. I don't mind the stinging. I don't flinch.

As an award-winning stuntwoman, Kimberly Shannon Murphy was intimate with pain. For years, she propelled her body through dangerous spaces, medicating the trauma of childhood abuse with the adrenaline rush that came from pushing herself to the absolute limit. But

But as Kimberly learned, no matter how much you suppress your past, it always catches up with you. In Glimmer, Kimberly details her remarkable journey to the top of her field as one of Hollywood's go-to stunt women, all while carrying the pain of surviving sexual abuse in a family that refused to acknowledge its reality. In her beautifully written, unflinchingly honest memoir, Kimberly reflects on her past and present, chronicling...

Guys, it's one of those words I just can't say. We're just going to move forward. 10 times fast. Yeah. Chronicling her path to recovery and calculating the long shadow of trauma. Glamour is the story of Kimberly's quest to reclaim her life and to shine a spotlight on the dark topic of intergenerational familial. Why can I not talk to you? It's a hard word. I've got so much.

To shine a spotlight on the dark topic of intergenerational familial abuse, courageous, intimate, and deeply hopeful, Glimmer is an unforgettable and inspiring read and an emotional roadmap for other survivors. Yeah. So Glimmer is the opposite of a trigger, which I didn't know when I named my books. Really? Yes. I didn't know that. I always felt like

there was this light inside of me that was trying to be dimmed. Trying to, yeah. Trying to be dimmed by him, but it never went out. Trying to come out by you. Yeah. And my glimmer, I named it glimmer because my glimmer to me is my inner child. And then I learned after that, that it's the opposite of trigger. So I win in so many ways. That is amazing. That is awesome. Yeah. This is awesome.

So the foreword of your book is written by Cameron Diaz. Yes. That relationship. Yes. What, what is it? Where'd it come from? We met in 2007 on a film called what happens in Vegas. And she was such a light immediately as soon as I met her.

just watching her move was really incredible and the way that she was and the person that she was. And I learned so much just by watching her and how she treated everybody the same and was just a really kind human. So at that time I was starting to write and I had given her, we became friends and I had given her my writing. And she's been on this journey with me from the very beginning.

And she actually introduced me to my editor and wrote the forward for my book. And she's been one of the biggest support systems that I've ever had in my life. - Wow, that is amazing. - Yeah. - That's amazing. She's more than just an actress. - She is. - That's awesome. - She's an incredible human. - I love hearing stuff. Well, I think to just maybe read the last part of the forward,

where Cameron Diaz says, today you hold in your hands a survivor story. This book is so much more than the sum of its parts. It is a gift. It is Kimberly's offering to readers suffering in silence.

It's a companion for anyone who has endured trauma at any level and it is a beautiful tribute to the strength and power of the human spirit. Whoever you are, whatever life has put in your path, I hope that reading Kimberly's story serves as a conduit to healing. No matter who has tried to capture your spirit or how hopeless you may feel, it is never too late to speak your truth, to reclaim your power and to transform your pain into purpose.

I believe that the flame of hope can be nurtured and even our darkest moments that it is within all of us to prevail from trauma we have suffered. All we need is a glimmer to know what is possible. That's awesome. You should be really proud of yourself. Thank you. And this book I know is going to change.

millions of people's lives like mine included I like have a list of people I'm gonna go home and send this book to like right off the bat so welcome thank you thank you for coming on so this book first off I don't even know where to start just your life is as a whole I'm like I don't know how

I don't know how you've done it. So before we get into the trauma of things, of life as a whole, what, where would people maybe recognize you from? Let's connect all the dots here. Yeah. Well, as stunt people, we hide our face. So nobody would really recognize my actual face. Okay. I've done about 140 movies and TV shows. Holy cow.

Yeah. And what was your favorite? Oh, my favorite movie? I think it was Night and Day still. That's the movie I met my husband on. I doubled Cameron Diaz for a long time. He doubled Tom Cruise. It's a super cheesy story. That is amazing. No way. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Yes. That is, that's awesome. Yeah. So, okay. So over a hundred and something movies and what you've been doing it, what, 20, 20 years. Oh my gosh. That is wild. Yeah. And so now obviously as a stunt woman, like what would you say is the craziest situation you got yourself in or like the craziest role that you've

got hurt or you were like, holy cow, what am I doing? Um, I haven't really gotten hurt that much, probably twice in my entire career. Okay. I mean, you know, bad, badly injured probably twice. Okay. Um,

It's funny because everyone always asks that question. And I'm like, well, I really believe if you're really good at your job, you don't really get hurt. Yeah. Fair point. Fair point. But, you know, things happen. And in the beginning of the book, I talk about a high fall I did out of a window for I Am Legend. And my rigging wasn't went bad and I was dropped on my face. And so I had like 80 stitches in my face. So that was a bad one.

Yeah. But even in that was part of what we read was even when you're getting glass, like just pulled out of you. Yeah. Like you don't flinch. You don't. You're just like, yeah, this is part of it. That was a dark time in my life. I was in my 20s at the time and I was definitely depressed.

looking and seeking attention in the wrong places. And that was part of it for me. And I actually didn't go to the hospital after it happened. I stayed at work. I did it three more times, which was crazy because the reset of it was an hour and a half. So I waited for them to reset the window. I did it again. So I didn't go to the hospital till hours later, which is why I had to have a bunch of surgeries because, you know, your face heals really quick. And so all the dirt and stuff was

healing inside my, yeah. So I had a bunch of infections. And that was a time where I realized that

I needed to start working on myself a little bit more. Because would you say that, so starting at the very beginning of your trauma, like in your story, where tell, tell people kind of where it started. I mean, at the age of three years old. Yeah. I think about three. Um, my grandfather, my maternal grandfather, um,

was a sociopath. I mean, so many doctors have sort of diagnosed him now that have come into my life. Um, and he abused my mother and her siblings and then me and my, you know, my family. And then God knows who else, I think pretty much everyone that he came in contact with. Yeah. And so how long did that occur? He died when I was 11. Okay. So it stopped. Okay.

So the fact that it took him dying for the abuse to stop. But the trauma doesn't just stop then. Like now there had to have been so much anger at the fact that he died because he

in your mind, was there ever a time that it was like, well, he got away with it. Totally. Like he just got to now I have to live with it for the rest of my life while he got to get off scot-free basically. Yeah. When he died, I felt a lot of relief because I was a child. And so for me, it was just the immediate, this isn't going to happen anymore kind of thing. But as I got older and really started

trying to figure out who I was because I had felt like he was so much of my identity. Like I didn't know who I was without him. Yeah. Um, and that's what a lot of people don't may not understand is when you go through a trauma like that, it's when you start the healing process, it's like, Oh, what? Like you're afraid of who you're going to be without that person or without the act that harmed you. And a lot of people don't realize that. Like it, it's,

It sounds crazy to some people, but it's the reality of it. It is. I mean, I didn't have a life without him and without this happening to me because it happens so often. So I didn't, it was like, oh my God, now I have to figure out who I am, why I'm here. And that was really scary for me. And what would you say was like your first step to doing that?

Um, I had my memories at 15. And so I told my mother, I came out and told my mother, I didn't know that she was also having her memories and she was 40 at the time. Um, so we were sort of going through it. And when you say you were having your memories, like what, explain that, like what was the process of it? You know, it started at three years old and he passed away when you were 11. So what triggered these memories? Um,

I started having like flashbacks almost like I'd have like flashes in my head of like a dark figure and I would get like immediately like physically ill and hide in my closet and cry. And you know, my parents were very like they disassociated. My dad had his own traumas. He was in Vietnam at a really young age and didn't come from the best family himself.

So they were just sort of living in their own trauma. And so I kind of got lost in that and the family and my voice wasn't really heard or listened to. And so it was a very confusing time. That's a tough one. Yeah. That's a tough one when you...

come out about your trauma, because at that point in time, all you want is for someone to validate it. Yeah. Like I see you, I hear you. This is not okay. What can I do? And you didn't get that. No. And so that would how obviously that I feel like probably set you back in your healing process.

Well, it didn't enable me to heal or to have the tools to heal, right? Because, you know, when you're born, you are attached to your parents. I mean, they are there for you to survive. And I didn't have a healthy attachment to my parents. My dad was very volatile and my mom was just completely not present at all because of her own abuse. And it was almost like I didn't exist. Yeah.

And that was really painful. It's something that I'm sort of dealing with now that I realized that I literally lived in a household where I felt invisible and that didn't matter what was happening to me. And so I started acting out in certain ways. Like I started cutting myself. I started throwing up. I was like struggling with bulimia, which had nothing to do with the fact that I needed to lose weight because I didn't. I was like always very tiny. You could be in control at that point. I could be in control.

And it's really interesting. I read a post the other day and I was like, oh my gosh, this was my life. I always had this fear that someone's going to like break into my house at night. And to the point where like I couldn't go to sleep and I had this intense fear that my parents were going to die. And I would just cry every night. And to my mom, like I have this fear that you're going to die.

well, it was just manifesting itself in that way because I didn't feel an attachment to my parents. And so I was overcompensating and my body was just in, you know, like...

survival mode, fight or flight, fight or flight. And so I would just then be incessant about like, I have to clean my room and reorganize my room and everything has to be super clean. And so I just sort of put all my energy into really weird things. Yeah. Well, you do that to keep your mind busy, whether it's someone puts their energy into work or kids, a sport, something. If as long as you're putting energy into that, then you don't have to

think about your own trauma. I know for me personally, just with trauma in my life, like

I will just keep myself going just nonstop to her at night when I lay in bed, like I don't have to sit and think like I can just go to sleep, you know, or I can like, you just run yourself crazy. And then, but that only lasts so long. It always catches up with you. It always catches up with you. And what, what would you say? When would you say it called up to you?

I was running from it my whole life and it, and I was living it out in real time with my behavior, with my choices, with, um, the things that were happening in my life. I was, I was living out my trauma every day, but I just was always in survival mode. So I didn't have a, you know, I couldn't take a step back and look at what I was doing and the choices I was making and how harmful they were for me. Yeah.

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you're made to feel like you were the bad guy or that you caused did you ever feel like I'm I'm the reason this happened like if I wouldn't have done something this wouldn't have happened or did you ever feel because I know a lot of people who are survivors of sexual abuse it's like well maybe I could have stopped it or I could have done something different like you take on

the shame that really wasn't yours to carry. Yeah. As I got older, I felt really disconnected from my child self, like my inner child, which I've been doing so much inner child work now. And I was really sort of angry with her and just kind of felt like, why didn't you fight back? Why didn't you tell somebody? Why didn't you do something? Um,

And it was that disconnection with her that was actually keeping me from a lot of my healing. When I was able to sort of integrate her into my life and get connected with her was when she started to feel safe and I started to really heal. And part of that was not allowing myself to be around people that were keeping me in this wounded place. Well, and when you talk about too,

I think what's so hard is when someone suffers abuse at such a young age, you never got to be a child. So you don't know how to connect with the inner child because in your mind, I didn't get to worry about Disney World or like watching SpongeBob. Like I had to worry about surviving. I had to worry about also being

living a lie that wasn't mine to live, which is really difficult, like trying to, and you learned at such a young age, how to lie, how to manipulate, how to all the, but that you've had to in order to survive, which a lot. And then when that comes out in your adult life, like you said, you're, you live it every day. And so you get in an unhealthy pattern of like just behavior that you, and

It's like, you know, it's not okay. Yeah. But you don't know how to live any other way. And also in a family system like mine, where there is so much abuse and so much denial and so much gaslighting and so many narcissistic people, um,

that's just your life and that's happening to everybody around you. And your sister, my sisters behaved in certain ways. My parents behaved in certain ways. And so that's all I knew. So that wasn't normal to me. So anything that was outside of that, that was healthy, didn't feel normal to me. So it didn't feel safe, even though my definition of safe was extremely unsafe, but it's all that I knew. It's like,

When you grow up in a family where there's abuse and then you are in your 20s, you seek out abusive partners because that's all you know. And it doesn't, you know, feel...

comfortable to be in a healthy relationship. Yeah. And I feel like, because there's so many different extremes that people can go to when you endure abuse like that. I feel like you can go to that extreme. Or did you ever find yourself seeking out people that you could fix? Oh, totally. Because if you could fix and save them, like,

you just wanted to be what you never had. - 100%. - Which I think is also really hard because once again, it's like, you're always the fixer. You're always the one doing and never the one receiving what you wish you would have received as a child. - Yes. - And during that, it's, you know, a lot of times you hear, we discussed it this morning of like, well, your parents did the best that they could. - Mm-hmm.

I look at that and now I'm like, I question it because after our conversation, it's like, okay, well, did they really do the best that they could? Or explain that narrative that how you once believed they did the best that they could. Well, I was giving...

I was giving them a free pass, I feel like, because if I had to look at the role that they played in my abuse, which was that they were just completely neglectful of me, otherwise the abuse would have never happened. The level of abuse that I suffered for the years that I suffered it

it was impossible for them to not know on some level who my grandfather was and where did I go on Christmas for two hours and why did nobody come look for me? So I did fall into that narrative where I was like, they did the best they could. My mom was abused. And so I, you know, I, I, I understand why. And then I had my daughter and when she turned like five or six,

I feel like it really shifted for me. That's what I was going to say. Was it hard when she turned three? Yeah. And when she turned, like when she turned the age that these things started happening to you, did you look at her and like see yourself in situations? Yeah. I mean, it's like, um,

her little body, you know, and to know that that was my little body and that those horrible things were happening to me was just unforgivable. I couldn't forgive my parents for not stopping it. And I no longer said they did the best they could. 'Cause if that was the best they could do, it sucked.

And it took you having your own child to see that. And when, where were you at in your healing process when you had your daughter? Oh my gosh, not in a great place. Because when I had her, like my grandfather had given me herpes when I was about eight years old. So I've had it for a really long time and I don't really get herpes.

outbreaks anymore. I don't really get sick because I've had it for so long. Um, but when I was pregnant with her, I was sick the entire pregnancy and I couldn't take medicine for it cause I'm pregnant. Um, and so that was a really difficult thing for me because it was almost like the one thing that I made that was mine. He took a part of that from me. Yeah. Um, and then when I had her, I really struggled with breastfeeding. Um,

And I was like, why am I so anxious when I'm breastfeeding her? Why is there so much anxiety around this? I could feel my body just, I would have flashbacks when I would breastfeed.

And I could feel her energy. Like, I could feel that she could feel my energy. And so I Googled it, and it was, you know, it's a real thing that it's, like, very triggering for women that have been abused to breastfeed, which I had never heard and no one ever talked to me about. I've never heard that. Yeah. And I had to stop breastfeeding her. And I just started pumping because I was like, I still want her to get milk, but...

I just couldn't do it anymore. And I still had flashbacks while I pumped, but at least I wasn't with her putting my anxiety onto her because I do believe that they feel it even when they're babies. And I just didn't want to do that to her. And it felt like, again, another thing that was just taken, taken from me. So, and I went through probably the first six months of her life where I was just like, she's going to die.

Like, I just thought she was going to die. Like, she's going to be taken from me. Everything's always taken from me. I don't deserve anything good. And I would like shower with her in her little car seat, like right next to it so I could like see her breathing. I mean, the manic episodes that I was having after I gave birth to her were really intense. Because not only were you dealing with the trauma and the flashbacks, but you also were going

going through postpartum. So all of that combined, I mean, what six months, she was six months old. You're still have this fear of everything being taken from you. And I, I mean, how did you, what was, how did you overcome that at that moment? I didn't really, I just sort of wrote it out. And in retrospect, looking back on it, a lot of it, a lot of the

the pain I think was happening because I was still in relationship with my family. And so the people that I was looking to for support couldn't even give it to themselves. So they certainly couldn't give it to me. And, um,

I think as she grew that became more and more apparent to me yeah and harder for me to be in a relationship with them well yeah because a lot of people and I've spoken about this so many times before just because your blood doesn't mean that like we have to we have to stick together I know growing up in the South and just

there's like a saying, like you don't put all your dirty laundry out for everyone to see. Like, so you walk out your door, you put a smile on your face. Like that's just how it is. It doesn't matter what's going on. We could be yelling at each other. F you, like you stupid, blah, blah, blah. But then five minutes later, you walk out the door with a smile on your face and you go sit and have lunch. Like that's just what you do.

it's also like oh family sticks together like that saying and I absolutely hate that saying because it's like no you don't stick together like if there's abuse if there's if you are not good for my mental health I'm allowed to cut you off yeah and I'm allowed to create my own family yes and my own family looks like people who show up for me in a healthy manner it looks like best friends it looks like

you know, my friend's mom or my friend's dad or whatever it may be. And how hard was that for you? - And it's really interesting because that was a really big part of my family as well. Like we were perfectly perfect from the outside and everything. And my grandmother was always like, you know,

we had to put a dress on, you know, everything had to look perfect. And in reality, we were probably living in one of the most abusive family systems that I've ever, you know, ever seen. Yeah. So I think there's, there's a part of that, that,

toxic families do. It's like we go outside and we present to the world that we are this perfect family. Yeah. And there's like this enmeshment that happens as well where, you know, you're so close knit, you're so tight and it's actually, um,

Like a trauma bond. It's not even a real healthy relationship. It's literally when you've had this amount of trauma in your life, you're not bonded to your family in a healthy way. No, no, not at all. And so what, but how hard was it for you to break that tie? Yeah.

'Cause there had to have been times where you're like, but it's my mom. But it's like, I want that relationship with my mom. I wanna be best friends with her. Or, you know, but it's my dad. Like how hard was it for you to say like, I can't keep doing this? - Really difficult. And the book was the beginning of me losing relationship one by one with each of my family members. And part of that was because

What I realized when I met Gabor is that, and he talks a lot about this, like attachment and authenticity, is that the attachment that I had to my family was from trauma and that I couldn't show up

authentically to any of them. I had to show up as someone different to each of them because I'm like, okay, I'm going to call my sister. I know that I can't say a, like, I can't, I have to sort of curtail my conversation to make her comfortable. And I realized how much I was doing that with everybody and I wasn't being myself. And so I wasn't living my authentic life. Yeah.

And it wasn't until I started doing psychedelic therapy is when I really saw things for what they actually were instead of what I wanted them to be. - And when was that? - About two years ago is when I started. - Which is so crazy because I had watched a video of yours and you said you've done more healing in like the past six months than you have in the 40 whatever years. - 40 whatever. - Yeah, 40 whatever.

and so it, it took a long time. Yes, it took a long time, but I do think psychedelic work, the medicine done in the right way, you know, um,

is life-changing. I mean, my first journey with my doctor, I literally, like as soon as the medicine started kicking in, it was like, there was my little girl, like me, myself as a little girl. And she was just, you know, holding her hand out to me. And that's when I felt like we, I connected with her again and that we weren't two separate people, that we were actually one person. And when I

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For a long time, I was really angry at her and felt really disconnected from her. And then in that moment in my psychedelic journey, when I saw her, she was like in the clothes she was abused in or one of the times in her little Christmas outfit. And she was bleeding on her knees and she was just smiling. And she said to me, what took you so long?

And I was just in that moment. I was like, oh my gosh, you survived the worst. Like you got me where I am. And here I am trying to pretend you don't exist and, you know, live my life without you, which doesn't, doesn't exist. Like she needs to be

living inside of me and we are one person. And I think when we can connect with our inner child is when we really start healing. - Well, I feel like it's so easy to look at that inner child and be like, all right, just time to throw her away. Like there was so much damage done that I can't fix.

So now it's time to throw her away. And we just now take on this identity as who we are as an adult. And that's just who we are. When in reality, it's like you have to start back there. You do. You have to acknowledge that person. You have to acknowledge, like you said, she was

the strongest version of you because it got you through all of that. Yes. And I think what a lot of people struggle with that have gone through sexual abuse as a child is now your adult relationships like because you talked about the struggle with when you had your daughter. But what about your husband? Like what that

How did you see your trauma play out in that relationship? I don't know how I got my husband to marry me, honestly. That's amazing. He's like the most healthy person, emotionally healthy person I've ever met. And how I even stayed in a relationship with him is actually really, like, I do think it was like God being like, here, I'm giving you this thing. Don't. Was it hard for you to look at him and just be like, but...

When you have the level of trauma that you have and you're with someone that like doesn't have that trauma and you're like, I want to know who you are. Like, tell me the worst thing that's ever happened to you. And it's like, it's like I fell off my bike when I was, yeah. Or like my mom didn't come to my basketball game or like, and you're like, no, there's, there has to be more. Yeah. Like, like there had like the, in a way you're wanting him to have that.

trauma to be able to understand yours. Yes. And I do think that people that have been through what I've been through, and if you're in a relationship with someone who hasn't, which hopefully you are, because it's important, I think to, unless they really have done the work. Yeah. Um,

Yeah, for a long time, it was really difficult for me. And we still do struggle with that. But we've gotten really good at communicating. Like if I'm having a flashback or if I'm struggling, he'll say to me, do you want a hug? Do you want me to leave you alone? Because like touch can be really triggering when you're going through that. So yeah.

I think we've done therapy together for him to sort of understand like the it's easier for him to understand psychologically what's happening to me from a doctor. Yes. This is why she does this or this is what you know, because it's all rooted. Like everything comes back to our childhood. Right. It's all rooted in our childhood. Well, you're the most they say the first year of your life is like the most.

influential building year. Like that's where you feel safety. That's where you feel like those first few years of your life are life altering. Well, it's your brain development, right? So it's like your brain is developing at that time at a rapid speed. So when trauma like big T trauma is happening to you, it, it, your brain is not

Is not being is not growing properly and explain that what do you mean by big T trauma? So there's like little T and big T trauma, right? So I would say that I fall in the category of big T trauma But everyone has the little T traumas like you were saying where you know Your parents may not have shown up to your games or you felt abandoned at times, but there wasn't this intense abuse happening Yeah. Yeah. Okay and so

your husband, what would you say? Obviously it was hard because there was no way for him to understand your trauma at all. But would you say that he was, when you met him, he was what you wished you would have had as a child? Like when it came to the protective or the

he gave you a sense of safety that you never got. Yes. And so when you got that, was it their timeline of y'all's relationship? Was it difficult for you to get to a place of being like, well, I deserve this. Like, was there any self-sabotaging that went on at the beginning of your relationship? Probably. Yeah. I mean, I remember us getting into an argument one time and I like packed my bags and I was like, I'm leaving. And he's like, what are you talking about?

sit down and let's talk about this. Like, and in my head, I knew like, I love him. I'm not going to actually leave, but I'm going to create this like really dramatic thing so that I can get. All you knew was chaos. Yeah. And I did try to do that to him for a while. And he's like, no, that's not happening. Yeah. So he pulled me back.

down a lot of times and I think when my daughter was born I scared him a little bit with how I was he was off filming a movie for a little while and when he came home I literally had like a CPR specialist at the house and there were all these dolls like I had my I had my night nurse there I had the CPR doctor and he had brought in dolls and my husband walked in the door and I'm like sit down we're all gonna learn CPR because in my head I'm like you know my daughter's gonna

Die. Yeah. And I need to know how to, you know, bring her back to life or something. Um, and that really scared him, I think. And, um, that's when we sort of started doing more therapy together, I think. And so at this point in time, when your daughter was born, what was your relationship with your family? I still had a relationship with everybody at the time. And when did you start cutting people? When I got my book deal, um,

There was this obviously very, I've always wanted to write a book. So when Harper Collins bought it, it was, I was so happy and so excited. I felt like I needed to call every single person in my family and explain to them why I was telling my story, which now I get so angry at myself for doing that because I don't, I don't owe it to them. And I don't need to get permission from anybody to speak my truth. But that was still, I feel like,

you reverting back to that inner child that's like obedient and I need to tell everyone I need to you know get everyone's okay get everyone's okay before I do this because again that

Being able to make your own decision was taken. It's such a young age. And so I feel like as an adult, it's so easy to revert back to that. And so when you called them and told them about the book deal, how did, were there family members that responded? Like, good for you. Like, it's your time, you know,

My one sister completely stopped talking to me. Hasn't spoken to me in four years, almost five years. My other sister told me I was going to ruin all the children's lives by writing the book. And that was really tough for me because I do believe that it's doing quite the opposite. And I do believe that when they get older, if they choose to read it, it will give them a lot of answers to why their parents behaved in certain ways. And so...

Do you think that maybe their anger came from a place of you being able to tell your story and them maybe not having the courage or not being at the place to tell theirs yet? I think it was extremely fear-based. I think that, you know, it's one thing for everyone to sort of admit. My family is very much like, yes, this happened. Nobody ever denied that it happened. Even my grandmother, she was scared.

always like, I never not believed you. And my thing was always like, well...

That makes me actually upset because if you're saying that, then you're telling me that you actually knew who your husband was and you still allowed him to be around. And it's one of those things to where it's just like of that generation. Oh, it happened. But now like you just need to move on from it. Yeah. It's kind of that mentality. Yes. And so how was it when you told your mom about the book?

My mom was really supportive about it actually. And my mom is the last person that I stopped having a relationship with because she just, the trauma swallowed my mom up and you know, she's been in therapy her whole life, but it's like, if you don't, if you're not honest with the therapist, if you're not seeing the right therapist, if you're not seeing somebody who's actually pushing you and you're

showing you things that you're not aware of, then I mean, it's just like you're going and talking to someone. It's like going to the gym, like the people that are like, I go to the gym and they just like walk around on their phones. Yes. Don't actually do anything. Yeah. It's kind of like that. So for me with my mom, it was more, we got to a place where she was behaving in ways that I didn't want my daughter around. And I felt like now this was your time.

Would you view that as like you protecting your daughter was your chance to protect you as a young girl? Yeah. I mean, if I had someone like me in my life, I wouldn't be sitting here. So with at this point in time, do you have a relationship with anyone in your family? No.

And so how would you, because I know there's so many people listening that it's like, there's this guilt for maybe not having a relationship or maybe they do want to be honest, but they're fearful of losing that relationship. Yeah. How finally, how did you get to a place where you were okay with not having that? Because I chose myself for the first time in my life. Yeah.

That is it. And I, that's so tough, I think for a lot of people, because, and too, it had to have been tough at certain moments of your life of like wanting that parental figure, wanting that, like seeing friends with that mom or dad or sister and knowing like that you don't have it. Like that had to have been so difficult. Yes. But at the same time, when you were doing the work on yourself, did it give you,

did it soften that blow because you started finding a sense of love for yourself and realizing that like you are worthy of all these great things. Yeah.

Well, I went into this place of acceptance, right? So I'm not at peace with what happened to me and I never will be at peace with what happened to me, but I accept that this is my story and that this was my childhood. And in order to come into full acceptance of that, you have to look at people for who they are and what role they played in your story. And my parents played a role in what happened to me. And that's just the truth.

Would you say that you have forgiven your parents? I don't really believe in forgiveness if people aren't doing the work and showing you that they have changed.

if my mom showed up in my life in a different way, like if she showed up and she was really doing the work and she was really being honest about all of the things I could forgive her. And that's just not what has happened. What about, what, what about the saying of like, well, forgiveness is for you, not them. You don't get that really. I don't understand that. I don't need to forgive myself for anything. I didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, exactly. That's like, and that's something that like,

I just know growing up in the South, it's like, oh, forgiveness is for you, not them. Or when you look at it from a biblical standpoint of like, well, Jesus forgave you, so you have to forgive them. Like, how do you help someone work through that if that's all that's ever been told to them?

I just think it's a narrative that has been in our society for way too long. And there's no actual, Dr. Romney just wrote a book called It's Not You. And she's one of my dear friends now, but she was one of the first person, people that interviewed me when my book came out.

And there's actual like data now that if you forgive someone who's constantly hurting you, it's actually really bad for your mental health because you keep revisiting that person and saying, I forgive you, but there's no change behavior. So how are you forgiving someone? And then, you know, it's like, oh, I forgive you for stabbing me in the back. Then you just stab me in the back again. It's like, so how is that forgiveness for you? You're getting abused over and over and over again. Yeah.

Apartments.com has more rental listings than anywhere else. So finding the perfect place is easier than ever. And so is finally moving in together. Just the two of you. It's a big step. I know lots of new responsibilities, lots of adjustments. Most likely they'll wake you up at odd hours to go to the bathroom and you'll most definitely find yourself in trouble coming home late for dinner. They might even

even unroll all your toilet paper next time. It's just what happens when you two find a new place together, but you're not doing it because you feel like it. No, you're doing it because you love them because they're family. And that's why apartments.com has the most pet friendly rental listings on the internet so that you and your furry family can find the perfect new place together. Apartments.com the place to find a pet friendly place. I was at an event one time. Um,

or it was like a weekend retreat thing and one of my good friends Brittany Ruby uh Miller her they have a steakhouse Jeff Ruby steakhouse and she was talking about like generational curses and how the only way to break a generational curse is to confront it head-on like you have to confront it head-on and I feel like and unfortunately and fortunately for you like

you got to be the one to do that. As hard as it was to do it, you had the power to do that. And so,

If it wasn't, do you believe that if it wasn't for you breaking that curse, it would have just continued? This cycle would have just gone on? Well, it's continuing with them. Yeah. You know, because I was willing to walk through this with my family. I wouldn't have actually... Just for people that say like, well, you just cut them off and you didn't help them when you could have, or you, you know, have you gotten comments like that yet? I have tried. I tried my whole life to...

help my family heal. I mean, me writing this book was a gift to my family generations before me and generations to come. Because you had the strength to face the hard stuff. Yeah. Writing a book like this is not easy. No. Having to relive all of the trauma is not easy, but you were willing to do it. So your daughter didn't have to be part of that generational trauma. Yes.

And that, I mean, you look at it and it's like, I don't know how I look at you and I'm like, I don't know how you did it. Like how you just, but it goes back to for once putting yourself first. Yeah. Like,

And as that little girl to you, I will never like I went to this therapy program one time and spoken about many times before. But it's like I had to write a letter to my younger self. And then once I left months later, they actually mailed me the letter.

this therapy program did. And I remember getting it and I was like, whoa, because it's like you, you write a letter saying all the things you wish, like you hope that your younger self forgives you or, you know, finds grace or find strength or like, I'm sorry that you went through this, like validating your younger self. And I feel like part of breaking that generational curse is that validation because no one else validated it for you.

Correct. And they still don't. So it's like, it's living out in their lives and will continue to live out in their lives until they make another decision. Did you send your book to them when it came out? No. No. No. Do you think they've read it?

i don't know my mom read it i knew that um my dad never read it my dad just died about a month ago oh my gosh yeah i'm so sorry thank you which was um i think the nail in the coffin for me because of the way my family handled that situation i didn't get a phone call from anybody that my dad was sick or that he died not from one person not my mother not my sisters nobody

My husband got a phone call that he was dead and told me. And I was not invited or welcomed to the funeral or anything. All because you chose to take control of your own story. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure they would say that it's for other reasons. You know, I'm sure that they have created a narrative around the situation to protect themselves. And they've believed their own narrative. Yeah. And they've doubled down on it when my dad died. And that really wasn't who my father was. He would have, you know, my dad was many things, but he was a good man. He just wasn't a good father. And I got a letter or I got an email from his lawyer saying,

And it was such a really weird moment for me because it was his will. And I was pretty sure that my sisters were going to make sure that I was not in the will, but he never took me out. And so it wasn't about any of the things. It was more about just my dad acknowledging that I actually exist when everyone's trying to act like I don't. And like you said, it wasn't about the things. It was...

And that he would have wanted you there. He would have. Yeah. And so once again, more trauma placed on you that you have to work through. Yeah. What do you think he should be now? I think my dad was really proud of me at the end of the day, but he couldn't

see past his own stuff. He couldn't see past not protecting you. No. Or... And I think that that ultimately killed him because he was a really big drinker. And I think for him to actually fully acknowledge and take responsibility for what happened to me, it would have killed him. And my friend had written my sisters, which I didn't know at the time, like a text message saying, you know, you guys can't ever change this.

you know, Kim deserves to be at the funeral. Like it's her father, you know? And that's the thing. It's my dad. And my sister sent back the most horrible, mean, like text messages. And one of them said, Kim broke my dad's heart in a million pieces on his dying day, insinuating that I killed my father. But my father's heart was broken way before I was ever born. Yeah.

Way before. Way before. And would you say that your relationship with your dad, would you say that your mom helped contribute to the downfall of that? Yeah. I mean, I don't know how as a mother, you don't call your daughter and say your dad is dead. Yeah. I just don't, I don't, I cannot fathom no matter what happened ever doing that to my child. Yeah.

you look at the trauma and it's like, all right, you were doing so good in your healing. And then this happens. How do you, it's kind of, you look at it from like such a young age, how you were three years old, like you don't know life without trauma. And then it seems like just when you're doing good, something else knocks you down. Like how, how did you not just go on a downward spiral?

I got really angry. I definitely had a few days where I, you know, I wrote on my sister's Facebook page through a friend, which was really immature. That is me. That is me. It was really immature. It was an attempt to, again, be like, I am here. I matter. I exist. And just sort of said to her, you know, um,

super interesting because through my life, I've been that person, especially when I started my career and became really successful. And all of a sudden I had, you know, I had money. We didn't have a lot of money growing up and I could fix things. You know, I could send my mom first class somewhere. I could help my sister buy a house. I could do these things. And I

You know, I currently am on one of my sister's more like one of my sister's. I'm on her mortgage. I helped her buy her house. Like she's literally living in a home that I helped her buy that she wouldn't have been able to buy if it wasn't for me. Yeah. And I wrote that on her page. Like, it's good to know that I'm good enough to sign your mortgage papers, but not good enough to or have enough respect for me to let me know my dad's dead.

Like how you can even live in that space and think there is. And it wasn't about, it wasn't about you throwing it in her face about the house. I really don't think deep down. It was about that. I think deep down it was about see me more. Like I'm a human. Like I'm a human because you from such a young age,

you were trained that you were a thing. You weren't. And so now it's like into your adult life, well, treat me more than just what I can do for you. Yeah. Like treat me like I have feelings and emotions. And did she ever respond to that? No, no, no. My friend got blocked right away. I swear. This is like, but I, you know, I'm in a space where I could say, yes, that was really immature. Not, not okay. But also I,

I'm a human. And even if, you know, you're, what is it? The quote that, um, so is it roomie that says it, which is like, you think you're healed. I'm going to put you in a room with your family of origin. Literally. Yeah. Because it just all comes out. Yeah. And so now what does your family look like?

- You mean my family. - Your family. - It's extremely healthy. And my daughter is able to live in an authentic space in her life. And this is kind of what I was talking to you about before, about the indoor plants. - Yes, guys.

I hate indoor plants, just so you know. I think I've probably said this before. We're going to figure out why. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them with a passion. But continue your story. And I always hated them. I remember walking into my now husband's home when we first met and I was like, oh God, it's got indoor plants everywhere. Like, why would you bring dirt into the house? Like, aren't we supposed to keep it out of the house? And I was just got rid of all of them when we moved in together. I was like, we're not having, I don't want to plant anything.

And then my daughter was born and she is like the most magical being. And she loves plants. Of course. So much. Well, they all like, you know, they, I feel like you have a child and they're like, here's the mirror. And she's like, mom, I want a plant. And I was like, absolutely not. You're not getting a plant. And again, it was totally triggered by it. And I had to take a step back and be like, why are you so, who cares if she has a plant in her room? Like she's not asking for like, you know,

Yeah, like a set of knives. Literally. Yeah. So in one of my journeys, I remembered that my grandparents had this like really big cactus in their house, like inside. And my grandfather at one time, he was like also very violent, had like pushed me into it. And I had, I always remembered that I fell into the cactus, but I never had remembered how I fell into the cactus.

And he was the person in the family that everyone would go to to fix things. He was very like patient and all of these things. Like how in the heck? Yeah. So I think he knew and I knew that if I was to tell an adult that I had cactuses in my back, that they would have sent me in a room with him. And I was like, I'm not going to tell anyone. So I just kind of sat with it.

you know, for the rest of the Christmas party or whatever it was. Once I was able to make that connection that that's where my fear of plants was coming from. Literally the next day I said, Capri, we're going to the plant store. And she now has like 40 plants in her room. Stop. That is amazing. And they're all, they all like, she names them all. She gives them birthdays and her first plant she named Survivor.

And literally I have it tattooed in her writing. And I, the bigger lesson for me was, oh my gosh, if I wasn't doing the work on myself and

And I wasn't exploring like I'm being triggered. Why am I being triggered? Because if we look at it in the sense of it's a gift when we're triggered, because it is, because we can then- Because now you have the ability to overcome it. And, but you can get curious about where it's coming from and actually dig deep and figure it out so that you can heal it, heal that part of you. And if I didn't do that, I would have stifled her authentic self. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. And you just said, and that just made me think your tattoo survivor. A lot of times people will look and say, Oh, sexual abuse victim. And then you hear sexual abuse survivor. Yeah. Can you, we kind of spoke on this earlier. Yeah.

the difference in the two because there's huge differences and how someone who is a survivor does not want to be labeled as a victim yeah I think it's a horrible word to throw around um yes I was victimized but I don't consider myself a victim yeah I'm not going to give him the power of holding that word over my head and you fought your whole life to not be a victim yeah of

him and your circumstance. And so it feels like, and I think this is just so good for people listening that may have someone who has gone through something similar that may not understand the difference in the two phrases and how it can be triggering. Yes. Cause I feel like when someone uses the term victim, it has the ability to take away progress that you thought you made. Yes. Yeah. That's it. We've, I've talked about that a ton of times before. And I

So then with everything that you had gone through with your career, over 20 years, you've been a stunt woman. Yes. And that was, it's a dangerous job to have. I mean, we've seen people who have died from doing it. Like it's, it's not the easiest thing in the world. Would you say that what you went through, like,

When you were now an adult, you got to now make choices and you wanted to do just the most dangerous off the wall things so that you could have control. I think there is a big correlation between people that do high intensity sports, whatever that may be, and trauma.

I think there's something about us pushing our bodies to the limit or seeing how far we can push ourselves that there is like a comfort in there because of what we've been through. I think it's like a subconscious thing. And I've said this a million times before. I don't think anyone who's fully normal is like, I'm going to go do a car hit today. And I'm like, so excited. Can we do it again? Like that. And that was my life for a really long time. Yes. Yeah.

I think too, it led me, I don't know why I just thought of this, but we live in such a society too right now to where it's like, all right, women go out here, you have sex with a gazillion different people. And it's so easy to be labeled as like, oh, well, she's a whore. She's this, she's that. When in reality, a lot of times, I mean, the stats show one in three women and one in five men have been sexually abused. And so a lot of times women,

women and men will sleep with people just to make sense of their trauma or to, would you say that there was a time to where you maybe were more sexually active and more just trying to get yourself to prove to yourself that like someone else wanted you?

You know what I mean? Like where I'm going, because I feel like that term is so thrown around of like, oh, well, she's a whore. Well, have you ever maybe thought why she's doing the things? She's traumatized is what she is. Yes. And I do think that. Like she's not a whore. She's traumatized. Yes. Yes. And I think a lot of that comes from

when your body is used as an object from such a young age, you don't have any self worth, you know, and you think that this is, this is the normal, this is what I'm supposed to do. This is how I get attention. And, you know, sad to say, but like,

it bleeds over into your adulthood. A hundred percent when I was in my twenties, I was very promiscuous and making really bad decisions. And that absolutely came from not having any self-respect because I didn't, because nobody had it for me. Nobody taught me what it even looked like. I didn't see it in my parents' relationship at home. I didn't see it in my grandparents, obviously. And

And when you're treated in such a way, that's kind of just what you go back to until you know better. Yeah, exactly. And that's like something that people just don't, when you've gone through trauma, like you've gone through, you have the ability to see every situation I feel like in such a deeper, like a way deeper manner that maybe some others can't see. And the, um,

I think now with obviously everything that you went through, now you have your daughter and have you found yourself being more hyper focused on, well, she can't do this. She can't do that. She had like having to protect her at all costs.

No, I don't feel that way with her. Okay. My mother was that way with me with silly things like crossing the street or, you know, things that didn't matter because she wasn't paying attention to the things that do matter. And I think that I have a beautiful relationship with my daughter and we have really open conversations about things and, and yeah,

in doing that as a parent and keeping them from doing things, they're not learning. And then they're learning fear and you're instilling fear into them instead of letting them, of course,

You're their parent. You're not going to let them, you know, jump off the roof or things like that. But she needs to feel a sense of her individuality and learning, you know, that's how they learn. And so I think that's important to let them have a little bit of freedom in that way. And as long as it's in a safe situation. Yeah. And I think that goes along with, you know, you had said in an interview that

like you didn't, you basically didn't want your story to go to waste. And like part of this, doing this book was you being able to help other people and be a voice for other people. When this was released, did you have like this, was there this breakdown of like, I did it? Yeah, completely. And I, it's, it's even happening more now as the book is sort of circulating and more and more people are being inspired

reading it and feeling seen and heard you know incest is something that a lot of people don't talk about because it's so layered and there's so much other people involved and there's so much shame attached to it and so people just don't talk about it when we were doing comps for the book because part of the proposal is you have to find other books out there like yours I couldn't find anything my writer couldn't find anything my publisher couldn't find anything and I

I want, this is a conversation that needs to be had and people need to start having it and speak their truth because speaking your truth is where it all starts. Yeah, that is so true. And when you,

I think what's so hard is, well, now you're in a place to be able to help someone through their journey. And what would you say for someone who's listening to this right now that's carrying shame that was never theirs to carry, but doesn't know how to drop it off? You can't heal around the people that made you sick. Mm-hmm.

And that's a really big one. And it's really hard. And it takes time to walk away from that. But you can't fully do the work around the people that are keeping you stuck. And would you say when your grandfather passed away, when you became an adult, was there ever a sense of you that was angry that you didn't get...

you got partial closure I guess with him passing away because as a child you're like all right now it doesn't happen anymore but then you were left to now pick up the pieces and the as an adult did you ever have anger towards the fact that you didn't have full closure of him acknowledging it apologizing anything like that because I feel like there is this misconception that like

a lot of victims or I hate saying I can't a lot of survivors of sexual abuse are like well if they just apologized if they just admitted what they did it'll all be okay did you ever go through that phase as an adult no there's not enough sorries in the world that could make up for what he did to me

And him dying saved so many other people. So for that, I'm really grateful. My grandfather wrote many confession letters that I found out in my adult life. It was sort of just like, well, my mom said to me one time, oh, you know, well, it was in the confession letter. I'm like, what confession letter?

It was just sort of like brought up in conversation like it was like a normal, like a normal thing. Just a note to a friend. Yeah. So when he died, my grandmother found all these letters. He had like a crawl space of his things. And she found all these letters where he admitted everything that he did. And the whole family knew about the letters. And my grandmother burned them. Oh, yeah.

And he also left, I have a distant, well, it's my mother's cousin, so it's my second cousin. He also abused her and she would house sit when she was in high school for them when they would go away and he would leave letters to her about confessing what he did to her and like writing it explicitly like what he had done. And she brought them home to her mother who is my grandmother's sister and

And she threw them away. So there were a lot of adults. - There was a lot of adults who were very complicit. - Extremely. - In what was happening. - Yeah. And religion for me, 'cause we grew up Catholic, was used against me. So I struggle with that aspect of it. My grandmother was extremely religious, like, you know,

I remember when I was struggling with my mom in the last year, I got a text message from my aunt and it was just like, what would Jesus do? And I was like, well, what would Jesus have done when I was a child and you were upstairs in the living room when your father was abusing me? Like I could ask you that. What would Jesus do? That's what's so hard is religion is used as

a manipulation tactic to get what someone wants out of the situation. Yeah. Which is really hard because I've spoken about that before. What was the, like talking about like spiritual bypassing and stuff like that. Like religion is just used as a way to

bad behavior. Okay. Sometimes. Yeah. And to justify it and to just, well, Jesus forgave you. So you should forgive this person. Yeah. When in reality, like, I'm sorry, but that doesn't, it doesn't work that way. And also the last time I checked, no one I know has actually spoken to Jesus. Yes. Thank you. Just saying, I mean, we have the Bible and all of the things, but no one that I know actually knows him. Yeah. So I, I,

favorite thing that's ever been said. Like, have you spoken to Jesus? Like, have you met him? That is. So for people to sort of use that as a tool is interesting to me. Well, I'm just baffled at the fact that when were the letters discovered?

And when did you find out about it? Like, what was that time period? Well, my aunt, when she was nine and she's, she's passed now, but she, a lot of her writing is in my book. She always wanted to be published. And so I, like a lot of the letters, she wrote an open letter to the family about how dysfunctional we were and how, you know, in toxic families, like she knew all of the dialogue and she was having it years ago.

She went to my grandmother when she was nine and said, you know, dad touched me and my grandmother confronted him. He denied it and everything just went away. Went away. Do you think a lot of your family's anger comes from a place guilt for not doing something sooner? Yeah. Because if they would have done something sooner, then it wouldn't have happened to so many people. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah. Because when you say it, like when I hear it, that's all I can think of is like their anger is coming from their own place of not coming forward. Yeah. It's coming from their pain. Yeah. Yeah. My grandmother is dead now. Thank God. She took a really long time to die. That was like...

She lived till she was like 98 or something ridiculous. But yeah, she was a complete narcissist. And I think for people that hear those like,

people that hear oh like thank God she died like you're allowed to say that oh yeah like for and no it's going to be hard for people to understand that yeah viewpoint when they haven't had the level of trauma that you've had at the hands of someone like that yeah and she's just as guilty in my opinion well she knew she had all these people that came to her and said he did this he did this he did this

And she never, did she always look at him as like, this is the love of my life. And he's, you all are lying on him. She never called us liars. She always believed us. But she, in turn, when he passed away, kept pictures of him up, wore his wedding ring around her neck, drank from a mug that said, I love my husband, her whole life, like after he died. And she wanted to be buried with him as well when she died. Wow.

which her children didn't let, like didn't. It's the one thing that they actually didn't do is let her be buried with him. But yeah, she, it, she was a bizarre person. Yeah. Very sick. Very sick. Yeah. And so now at the place that you're at in your life with your healing, what would you say is something that you have like your biggest milestone for you?

giving my daughter a different life away from it all. And then what would you say on the other hand is the thing that you just haven't been able to overcome or conquer? I think that I've come to a place, like I was saying earlier of acceptance, like this is, this is my life and this is my story. And I do believe that I,

was put here to break the cycle in my family and to speak out and give a voice to other people that are struggling with that and feel like they can't speak out in their family because it might hurt somebody meanwhile they're suffering so badly um what was the question what was what was it's what was the thing that you you have yet to overcome like what is the hardest thing that you have yet to overcome that you're like

I need to for me. I don't really think that there's anything that I haven't overcome. I think it's constant work that I'm doing on myself on a daily basis. And I think that will probably be that way forever. You know, I always thought that there would come a time in my healing process where I would just be

you know, perfect and everything would feel good and I wouldn't get triggered. And when this happens, like, oh, everything's going to be great and perfect. And I think that's something for people to take away is that you're never a hundred percent healed. No, like you're never, and it's okay. You you're living with this for the rest of your life and it's okay. And it's part of you. And, and

You never have to be. I feel like that's one of the things it's like when someone suffered such trauma at a young age, you learned how to put on a face and you learned how to lie and you learned how to do all these things, but it's okay to not put on a face now. Yeah. Like it's okay to look at your trauma and dig deep into it. It's okay to have flashbacks. It's okay to have bad days. And so like, just because you're an adult doesn't mean you have to be over it. No. And it's okay not to be okay. And yeah,

You know, we all get triggered and we'll all get triggered until the day we die, I think, no matter what we've been through in our life. And I don't look at them...

when I have triggers as like a bad thing anymore. - And I think that's, but there was a time to where you did. - Where I would just get mad, you know, and I would just let my anger escalate instead of going, wait a second, why am I having such a intense reaction about this situation? It's obviously much deeper. I'm feeling, you know, and it all comes back to your childhood, all of it. The last thing that I was able to overcome was the attachment to my family.

Right. So no one wants to. Nobody wants nobody doesn't want a relationship with their parents. Yeah. And that's what's so frustrating for me in society where people I feel like are saying now that it's kind of like a fad where people are going no contact. And I don't think it's that at all. I think that people are finally starting to work on themselves and seeing things for what they are. And my attachment to my family was not healthy. Yeah. I couldn't be authentic in my family.

And that was no longer okay for me anymore. And I didn't want that for my daughter. And so... That is... Yeah. The attachment. I think that's the hardest part for everyone. Yeah. Is...

you've you work on it's like what you said like you can't surround yourself with the people that broke you yes basically like you can't heal around them and you think you're doing all this healing it's kind of like the rat race you know like you're on like a hamster wheel of like you think you're doing all this healing and you're getting better and you're getting better but you're still not better

And maybe that's because you're still surrounding yourself with the people that broke you. Yes, that's exactly why. Yeah. And so like, I think that's something that's so hard for people to understand and for people to get to. That's why I feel like there's so much half healing being done is because people don't, may not have the courage to break away from those that are contributing to the hurt. Yes. You can't take everybody with you.

If they're going to come, they'll do it on their own terms. Yes, that's so true. And that's why you've got an event coming up, right? Guys, I'm attending Come Hell or High Water. I don't care. I'm attending it. And so tell us about that. I'm doing an event with Dr. Gabor Mate in Santa Monica on October 6th, and it's called Return to Self, Navigating Attachment and Authenticity.

Okay. And what will that, and what, what does that day look like? So it's a full day. It's from 10 to five. Um, he is incredible to see live. Like you, I mean, I had watched so many YouTubes of him, like videos of him speaking. And it wasn't until we became friends and he endorsed my book that I went to actually see him speak live and it changed my life. Like he has changed my life. Um, and yeah,

he's one of the biggest trauma doctors in the world and his thoughts and feelings about it are so spot on. - And would you say that this event, it's not just for people who have endured trauma, it could also be for people who are wanting to understand trauma that their partner or their friend or their family member has gone through? - Completely. - 'Cause I feel like that's why

a lot of people can't become 100% healed is because other people just don't have the ability to see the trauma that they've gone through and don't know how to help them work through it. Yes, or support them. Yes. And we're going to be doing a lot of one-on-ones with him. So he'll speak and I'll speak. And then we're going to, if somebody wants to come up on stage and work with him, we're going to do that. We're keeping it smaller for that exact reason. And it's...

It's definitely something that if people want to be a part of it, can they? What do you mean? The event. Like if they want to attend or they want. Oh, yes, absolutely. It's open to the public. Yes. OK. And how do they how do they find the info? It's on my Instagram. So Kimberly Shannon Murphy stunts like the longest handle on the planet. It's like, what was I thinking when I made that? Like, first of all, anyway, I love you.

Yeah, just go to my Instagram and it's all up in my description.

bio and you can do the link and yeah, it's open to the public. October 6th, right? Yep. October 6th, Santa Monica. I will be there. Aaron will be there. You're going with me. And guys, just thank you for coming on and go and get her book, Glimmer. You can get it really anywhere you can buy a book. Yes. Anywhere you can buy a book. There's the audio book that you can also listen to. I love a good audio book. So I hope that this book helps you

come to terms with things that are going on in your life and realizing that it's okay to not be okay. It's, and there's, there's hope, there's hope and healing and it's never too late. It's never too late.

Come join the Lady Gang podcast and be like Sharon Stone, Jenny McCarthy, Kathy Griffin, Ariana Maddox, and Demi Lovato. This guy just walked in. I'm like so nervous. I don't know what to do with myself. Oh, you're nervous? Yes, I was nervous. We also like to vent about the things that bug us. People clipping their nails in public. That isn't even, that can't even be a thing. It doesn't always make sense. Nor do the words I make up. I am a Henry. High earning, not rich yet. Think of

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Botox. And on this newest podcast season of Lady Gang, we'll talk to some of our favorite people, share our life experiences, be a little vulnerable, and of course, make fun of each other. So if you're looking for a podcast that's young at heart, but old in soul, listen to The Lady Gang. Available every Tuesday, wherever you get your podcasts.

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