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Welcome back to Unlocked. And wow, what a crazy past few weeks it's been. Obviously, we had Mother's Day this past Sunday. And well, it sucked.
I don't know what to tell you. It just sucked. I am trying to normalize like the suck and normalizing when things just really are not good and admitting it and living in it and just seeing life for what it is sometimes. But we are recording this podcast on May 15th. So when it airs, you know, Mother's Day may not have been last Sunday. Who knows? But this is where we're at in life right now. And Mother's Day...
I don't know. It just felt weird. I don't even know if it like, yes, it sucked, but it just felt weird. I mean, Chloe and Grayson are freaking angel children. They are the sweetest kids in the entire world and they make it so easy. But Chloe wrote a letter to me for Mother's Day and she
The letter says, Happy Mother's Day to Savannah. I know that you weren't expecting me and Grayson to come in your hands, but you are doing a great job with me and Grayson. Keep up your work. Love, Chloe. Literally, when I first read it, y'all, I just like burst into tears because that is the sweetest. I mean, she's 11 years old and...
she was kind of dealt really crappy cards and she's still embracing it and she's making the best of it. And I just, I don't know, just that, that little letter made me realize like, okay, you're doing okay. You're doing a pretty good job when it comes to these kids and making them feel how they need to feel and just showing up. And like I've always said, sometimes showing up is just enough.
And Mother's Day, sure, it sucked because I miss my mom. I wish she was home. And I think the really tough part about the whole thing was that this was the second Mother's Day that she hasn't been here. And I think it's getting harder and harder. I honestly thought it would get easier, but I think it gets harder because the more people
big life moments that pass and they miss, you kind of start to realize like, okay, this may be this, this may be our future. This, you know, there's going to be two, three, four or five, like years of big life moments that they miss.
So it just, it gets tough, but I try to embrace it as best I can. Grayson hung out with one of his best friends. Chase watched Chloe for me on Sunday and I went to the farmer's market and had brunch with Tyler and we just kind of made the best of it. So in moments like this, I am so grateful for really good friends that show up and I
If I have any advice for you, it's just to show up for the people in your life, show up for the people that you love and show up for them even when they don't ask you to. Because if you're like me, you're really not going to ask people to show up for you. And while you just expect them to be, I don't know, like telepathic and just know when you need them to show up. That is a very bad toxic trait of mine of like getting mad at people for not showing up for me. But yet I didn't ask them to show up for me.
I don't know. I kind of think that's a little toxic. I would love your advice. Maybe it is. Maybe it's not. I need to get better at that. I need to get better at vocalizing how I need people to show up for me. And then so we had Mother's Day, another really tough thing in life right now. So Mother's Day and then long distance relationships. They suck.
I'm just saying at first they're so easy, but then when you have big life moments and holidays that you don't get to spend together, that's really tough. Um, so right now I'm trying to navigate this next chapter of like my personal relationship. I mean, heck Robert and I have been together for nine months, which is wild. Absolutely insane. Um, nine months and it's
it's just hard the long distance, but also now that summer's here, we'll be spending like a lot of time together. So I guess that's another interesting thing that's going to happen is being there and spending time with Robert, his family, friends, and friends, his friends who have become really good friends of mine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to navigate a long distance relationship and keep everything going. It's also hard because he has kids. I have Chloe and Grayson and there's rarely time of just he and I. So we do have to be better at kind of carving out time like that. I don't know. I'm up for any and all tips when it comes to long distance relationships because they can be really, really tough.
And I also, one thing I have realized with my followers is that I have a good percentage of like step parents and whether it's step parents, bonus parents, whatever you want to call them. I have a lot of you that listen and yeah.
I have come across this girl on TikTok and she's like the stepmom coach and she is absolutely amazing. I love following her, love seeing the advice that she has to give.
And I'm trying to get her on the podcast. She's just based in Utah. So it's going to take me a minute, but I think she just, she gives so much wisdom and helps to walk you through things. Like obviously I am not a step parent yet, but I am dating someone that has children. So I want to educate myself and learn from,
the best tools in order to have successful relationships with them. So I and I need help with that. You've got to turn to someone who's been through it before. And that's another really tough thing is my mom went through it, but I don't really have her to talk to every day. So I try to find as many resources as possible because frankly, I want to be the best that I can be and I want to show up in the best way possible. So this stepmom coach is
She's awesome. Like, and too, she gives some harsh truths and just, I absolutely love it. So I'm going to try to have her on the podcast. And if you guys have any other guests that you want to see, please comment below because I, I will have whoever you want on. I love having thought provoking conversations, learning more and growing. And yeah,
Yeah, so I think just trying to figure those things out. Grayson's 18th birthday, y'all. His 18th birthday is tomorrow, May 16th. And I am so I'm like sad, excited for him. All the emotions rolled into one. But his birthday cake. Oh, my gosh, it's going to be hilarious. So if you've been listening, you know, Grayson, he wants to go to Alabama and
University of Alabama and Robert took him and me on a Auburn college tour. We had the best time, like got to go on the Auburn football field, threw the football, hung out, went to a basketball game, like truly amazing.
lived the college experience for Grayson. And Robert did such an amazing job at that. But we did that and it still didn't win Grayson over. Grayson still wanted to go to the University of Alabama. And I'm not going to lie, it is a gorgeous campus. And I feel like it's a fantastic school. So I am good with that. But for his birthday, I have had him a Alabama cake made. And
On the cake, it says, happy 18th birthday. Welcome to the world of disappointments. And when you cut open the cake, it's Auburn colors. So I am so excited to see his face. It is going to be hysterical. So leave it up to me to like have some dark humor. Shocker. It's about the only way I survive is through my dark humor. So I'm super excited for that. And just...
Life. I mean, I feel like as tough as life is right now, it's also kind of turning around. I am also on the 21st of May, I'm going to the Tennessee State Capitol and I'm going to be meeting with Governor Lee's team and his policy team in particular. And I am so excited and grateful for this because I'm
As you all know, when mom and dad went to prison, I didn't know anything about our prison system. It didn't affect me before. So therefore, I just kind of focused on things that did affect me. And now that I know better, I have to do better. And I believe that going to meet with Governor Lee could potentially lead to lasting change.
will send you guys. So how that came about actually crazy story. We were having dinner, me and Chloe, um, Tyler, who else? Maybe Aaron. I'm not sure, but we were having dinner one night at the corner pub, which is like our go-to and
And I was sitting next to a girl I had on a hat. She said she loved my hat. And we just kept talking and come to find out she works for the governor. She put me in touch with his right hand man. And that's how all of this came about. But I'll read you guys kind of the email. And this will help to put into perspective what I hope to accomplish. I said, good afternoon, my family and I.
Well, at first I said, good afternoon. My name is Savannah Chrisley and I'm a resident of Nashville. I currently reside at, in my address, my family and I were on TV for over 10 years and gained quite the public following. Back in 2012, the state of Georgia, as well as the DOJ, began investigating my parents for a multitude of crimes. These crimes included bank fraud, tax fraud, wire fraud, and conspiracy to defraud the United States government.
This case was a complete and total witch hunt. It took the feds a total of seven years to issue a federal indictment. My parents went to trial in May of 2022, and my father was sentenced to 12 years and my mother seven. My parents maintain their innocence, and we are currently in the midst of our appeal and just presented oral arguments in front of the 11th Circuit.
I felt I needed to give some backstory before going into my fight for prison reform. For the past 15 months, I have educated myself on our broken system. I have seen the mental and physical abuse firsthand. I have witnessed the horrendous conditions and government malfeasance. I am sitting on hours upon hours of recordings of correctional officers discussing the illegal activities going on within the Bureau and the OIG is now involved.
Our federal system is irretrievably broken. I would love the opportunity to sit down with Governor Lee and show him all the evidence that I have gathered. I believe that he could play a huge role in reforming our prisons. If we can show change within our state prisons, then we can set an example for how our federal system should run.
I know where change needs to occur. Over half of the deaths in our federal system are due to suicide. Why aren't we providing mental health treatment? Why aren't we helping to better these men and women? One of the many lawyers that I have on my team is Brett Tolman. Brett is the executive director for Right on Crime and a former U.S. attorney. We're hoping to be testifying in front of Congress this year. I've also been in contact with the Trump administration on future policy change.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to implementing change together. Every sandwich has bread. Every burger has a bun. But these warm, golden, smooth steamed buns? These are special. Reserved for the very best. The Filet-O-Fish. And you. You can have them too.
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When I sent that email, I just went out on a limb and I was like, you know what? I hope it's received in the way that I meant it.
And it was. So now I get the opportunity to go and sit with the governor's team and actually discuss things that I believe we should do in order to implement change, in order to reduce recidivism, in order to prepare these men and women to enter back into society in a safer way.
in a more productive manner. It's a tough issue to tackle. It can be controversial at times, but to me, I just, I don't see it as controversial because at this point, I just see it as a people issue and we need to love people and love them well. And right now our system doesn't do that. Just went live on Instagram and
That video has almost a million views, a million views because I discuss things that I have found out that are going on at my dad's prison at FPC Pensacola. I discuss the abuse on how the RDOT program, which is the Residential Drug and Alcohol Program, it's a congressionally funded program.
And these doctors that run it there are doing nothing but abusing these men and women. I mean, well, men at dad's facility, but it's very common in the Bureau of Prisons and in any prison.
for this abuse to occur. And it just breaks my heart. I mean, I had one man reach out to me and said, "The abuse that I endured is hard to overcome on a day-to-day basis." He's now out. He's trying to integrate back into society, but it's almost impossible. He says that the PTSD is so overwhelming that he can barely function.
And things like that break my heart because it shows that like, what are we doing as a society? Why aren't we stepping up? Why aren't we showing these men and women the love that they deserve? Sure. I believe in law and order. I've said that before. I believe that, you know what? You break the law. We have prisons for a reason, but also nonviolent offenders, right?
I don't think putting them in prison and abusing them is going to do anything. There needs to be an alternative form of punishment. I don't believe prison is the end all be all. It's just really difficult. I also believe, you know, these body cams,
that police officers wear? Why don't we have them in our prison system? Why are correctional officers not being forced to wear body cams? Because there was a study done at the University of Cambridge that showed that with body cams on officers, it reduced crime. It reduced abuse. It's, I mean, you name it. So that right there goes to show that they work.
So therefore we need to implement it within our prison system. So there's so many things that I want to accomplish. And someone on my live commented and said, as if you speaking out is going to implement change.
Guess what? All it takes is one person and it takes one person that's willing to push through, to go against the grain, to stand up for what they believe in. That's all it takes. So if right now you hear this and there's something you really wish you could see change in or just things that you wish you could see happen in life, all it takes is one person, one person who has the drive to do it.
So you can do it. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't. I don't care what it is. You can do it. So that's kind of what's happening on the 21st. And I'm just prayerful that it will lead to change. And I believe that with my personal experience and all the things that I've uncovered, that it very well could. You guys have been asking, where's our update?
tell us something. Unfortunately, that's just not how our system works. The appeal could take two months, six months, a year. It's really whenever the government and these judges come up with their opinions, they're written and they release it. So all I can do is continue to hope and pray for these judges that they see what we have put out there. And I hope it doesn't take a year.
I'm hoping maybe August we will hear something, but now we just sit and wait. And that's the tough part. I wish it was sooner. I do. But hey, at least we got oral arguments and appeal and at least we get to kind of ride this wave. So I'll take it, taking all the little wins for sure. And I
That was the appeal. And then kind of just going back to me mentally and Mother's Day. And then you've got Father's Day coming up. You have, I think those are the big ones. Mother's Day, Father's Day. It's so tough because I've said it before. It's mom and dad not being here. It's like learning to grieve the loss of people who are still alive. And
Grief is real. It is. Sometimes I like to turn a blind eye to it. I like to not feel it. I like to just pack it all the way. Shocker. But it sucks. And I am trying to figure out the best way to navigate that, to deal with it, and to also not feel guilty about moving on with my life. It's so hard because like the first year mom and dad were gone, literally every single
weekend I was I was gone every weekend I went and visited one of them and now I mean I say we go twice a month now and there's definitely some guilt associated with it because you're like I shouldn't be moving on my life like I I need to be there I need to be seeing them
at the same time it's like all right i'm almost 27. like i want to get married i want to have kids i want to do all these things but the guilt that comes along with that sucks so i'm trying to figure out like okay how do i move on without making them feel without making my parents feel like i'm moving on without them how do i you know please everyone which i think it's kind of hard to do it's probably impossible
I don't know. It's really tough. But then in moments like this last night, I was scrolling through Instagram and there was a quote that popped up and I, it resonated with me so much. And it was just something that I needed right then in that moment. And it says be, and I think too, the reason I want to read this is because I feel like so many of you need this right now in this moment of life.
Be proud of how you've been handling these past few months. The silent battles you fought, the moments you had to humble yourself, the times you've wiped your own tears. Celebrate your strength.
I think I know we don't do that enough. Like we don't celebrate our strengths like we should. We a lot of times strengths are viewed as just tools to get through life and it's not viewed as something to celebrate when in reality like just getting up show strength just showing up at work or showing up in life like all of that should be celebrated and
But I also think it's hard to celebrate those things at times because we live in a society where it's kind of all or nothing. And so when you, I look at my life, I look at the things that I've gone through in life and the trauma and I look at it from an outside perspective and I'm like, well, I'm not healed from all of that. Like I'm not healed from all of that. So therefore I have to
take a step back, I have to pause, I can't move on until I'm healed. When in reality, healing, I'm trying to figure out the best way to say this. When in reality, like no one is 100% healed. Absolutely no one. And if someone says they are, I probably don't believe them. And because at the end of the day, like healing isn't linear. We go backwards, we go forwards, we're all over the place.
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Healing doesn't happen overnight.
And I think the reason for saying that is to remind not only myself, but some of you guys that like, you don't have to be a hundred percent healed to be loved or respected or to feel the happiness of life. Like it's just life. We go forwards, we go backwards and you don't have to be perfect to be loved or to feel love or to love someone else or to
I'm a perfectionist at times, I'm a people pleaser, so I think I have to do everything at not 100%, but like 110%. And that's a lie that we tell ourselves to keep us from feeling all the really good things out of life. And that right now is something that I'm struggling with.
is just giving myself the grace to realize that like, I'm never going to be a hundred percent healed. I do deserve the love and respect that life has to give me. I deserve the good things. And I think that's a big reminder for you guys. And,
And maybe you need to write on your mirror, I deserve the good things out of life. Or it's just a reminder you should tell yourself every single day. Because I know as a single parent, it is tough. I feel like I am never doing enough or I can never give these kids enough of what they need. And guess what? That's right.
Like that's accurate. I can't give them everything that they need. And the sooner I realize that the better off I'll be because I can't be mom. I can't be dad. I can't give the love and affection that maybe I could give the love and affection that a parent would give, but it's not going to be received the same way as if a parent were to give it. So the sooner you realize just the harsh realities of life, I feel like for me,
It's beginning to get a little bit easier because I've realized like I need to stop trying to play superhero because I can't give them what they need. I just can't do it. Doesn't matter how much I try, but I do know that I can love them through all the feelings that they're feeling. I can love them through not feeling, you know, or not having a parent that's there at big events or for big life moments. And that is...
just something that right now I'm trying to work on. And life's gotten easier when I realized like you can't do it all. And I'm also right now like starting some new business ventures. I am real estate is going great. I'm just so grateful for that, because that's allowed me to like provide and show up for these kids. And I
Life really isn't all that bad. I could cry, I could complain, but guess what? It's going to get me nowhere. Like that's why when people ask me, how are you today? I'm like, you know what? I can complain, but it's gonna get me nowhere. And I just think that's just the way to be in life. Like why complain? 'Cause I promise you it's getting you nowhere. And when it comes to my mental health, I have, I don't know if I ever told this story,
But for new listeners, old listeners, I will never forget back when, first off, let me preface this by saying, I am a huge advocate for doctors. And if a doctor tells you like, hey, you need to be on this medication, that medication, listen to your doctor. I am not a doctor. I am just saying my own personal experience when it comes to this situation. After mom and dad had left, maybe it was
Before they left or after they had left, sometime within those first few months, I was just beyond depressed and just could not get out of it. And once like I was not sleeping, I was just a hot mess express. And I went to my doctor and was like, hey, like I need help. Like I need something. And he prescribed me depression medicine. And I will never forget like that.
I internalize a lot of things and I try to, I analyze a lot of things and I picked up the prescription and I just remember when I got that prescription and I got home and I was standing there and I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, you know what? Am I doing everything in my power to be the best version of myself possible?
the best version, the healthiest version. Just am I doing what it takes? And I was honest with myself and the answer was no. I was not eating right. I was not working out. I just, I wasn't doing the things that I know make me feel better. And in that moment, I was like, you know what? I'm going to keep this medicine in my cabinet forever.
But I'm going to give myself a month. I'm going to give myself a month of trying to just implementing things that I know are a healthy lifestyle. And I did that. I started back working out.
I started eating even just a little bit healthier than I normally would. I started sleeping better and I put in the hard work there. I started walking. Walking is my thing. Like it's my therapy, especially now that I have this Apple watch y'all. I, I suck at technology. First off, let me tell you, I barely know how to use the thing, but I do know how to see my calories and my steps and,
in my workout time. That's all I need. But I walking is therapy for me to listen to music, to podcasts, to whatever it may be. And after about a month of that, I was like, you know what? I'm feeling a little better. Like I'm actually feeling okay. And I realized that, you know what? I really didn't need outside help in order to
Help me get through the day. Now that's not to say like, I am a huge advocate for therapy and for whatever it is that you need to make you feel better. But I also know within myself, I was being lazy. I was being lazy. I wasn't getting up. I wasn't moving my body. I wasn't doing things that are, that have been clinically proven to help with depression and anxiety and all these different things. So yeah,
If you have to have medicine, that's fine. That's great. Like the stigma around all of that should be gone. But at the same time, I also encourage people like look at yourself in the mirror, ask yourself, am I putting in the work? Am I doing the tough things? And if the answer is no, then maybe start changing those things. I just had a conversation with someone last night about this and
And they were like, yeah, I'm not doing any of that. And I was like, well, why don't you start out there? Like we can go do it together. We can go on a walk, whatever it may be. So I just encourage you guys to first and foremost, believe in yourself, put in the hard work and normalize that it's okay to not be okay. And I promise you life gets better.
It gets better because if it wasn't for my parents going to prison, I wouldn't know the things that I know. I wouldn't be able to go and sit down with the governor or his team and tell them the gut-wrenching stories that I have come to know as my life. I wouldn't know the change that needs to occur in the system. So because my parents have gone to prison, I have the potential to change millions of people's lives because let's face it,
One in three Americans have a criminal record. Literally one in three Americans have a criminal record. So I try to find the positive in it. So if you're struggling right now, just know I'm praying for you. I see you. And well, I'm on the struggle bus too. So we're in this together. But basically all I'm saying is my life sucks too sometimes. So
It gets better. It does. I promise you. And we've got to figure out what the next few episodes are going to be because yeah, but until next time I believe in you know that you can do it and embrace the suck.
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We trade uncomfortable truths for comfortable lies, imaginary solutions to real problems. I'm James Sexton, host of Unlikely Sources. You may know me from my books or my many interviews, such as Soft White Underbelly, Lex Friedman, or one of the many other places I've shared my perspective on love, life, and the law. I know a divorce lawyer isn't the first person you think of for advice on how to keep your relationship strong, but wisdom is found in unexpected, counterintuitive places. In sickness, we see the value of health.
The Godfather, it can teach you more about business than an MBA. Fight Club, it's actually about religion. The most valuable practical wisdom comes from unlikely sources, and it's time we sit up and pay attention to what they can teach us. So if you're looking for compelling conversation, blunt talk about culture, religion, romance, and how to navigate life in the machine of modern society, I'll look forward to spending some time with you. I'm Jim Sexton. Unlikely Sources will be available May 28th.
Dial-up your day.
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