Julie Chrisley's Letters From Prison (Part 3) 35:27

Welcome back to Unlocked. And the past few weeks have been full of just...

as personal as you can get when it comes to this podcast. So I've realized that the more intentional I am, the more successful not only the show is, but my connection with all of my listeners and followers. And I've realized that it's kind of a source of therapy for me. I get the chance to not only grow with you guys, but grow just within myself.

And the episode with Chad was so healing because it kind of just got the elephant out of the room. You guys always ask, all right, where's Chad? What happened? And now you know the answer to that. And if you haven't listened, go back and listen because it was a really, really good episode that brought a lot of healing and healing.

I love the title of the episode of like rearranging furniture because that's exactly what we all have to do sometimes in our lives. We have to rearrange that emotional thing.

furniture sometimes to make it fit how we need it to fit in our lives at this moment. So I'm just so grateful for that episode. Chad and I have been texting and obviously he got a kick out of the mass singer performance. If you guys have not watched, you have to go back and watch me on the mass singer. It was such a crazy experience and it was so fun. Obviously I cannot sing. I was pretty terrible. Um,

I was the joke and I laughed at the joke. So that's a really fun place to be at. I honestly thought they were going to add some auto-tune, make me sound a little bit better, but definitely did not happen. I got zero auto-tune. So what you heard is 110% me. I will claim it. I wish I couldn't. But it was one of those experiences to where, first off, I like everything that I do to be perfect. I just do. It's who I am. It's...

Prime example, Grayson Pressure Wash for me this past weekend. What did I do yesterday? I went outside and I redid the whole thing because it just wasn't how I needed it to be done. So I tend to be a perfectionist on certain things. And

Me saying yes to the Masked Singer was going outside of my comfort zone and showing up for something that I was uncomfortable with and realizing that, okay, you don't have to be perfect at everything you do. Stop taking life so serious. Stop being so uptight and just show up and have fun because life is so unbelievably short. We just need to show up and have fun. Laugh at yourself. Enjoy it. Who

So that was a little update on that. And before Chad's episode, we did a little prison diaries segment and mom actually sent me more letters. So we're going to continue prison diaries. This will be part three and four.

So I've got plenty of stuff here and many of you are asking, okay, what the heck? Why do you have a gazillion pieces of magazine paper? What's that about? So mom gets like magazine subscriptions there. That's about the only thing that she gets that's like worth a damn. But

These are magazines that she has saved. So we've got Southern Living, we've got all kinds of different cooking magazines, and she saved these and she sends them to me.

And she'll like fold pages in the magazine so I know where to look or if she sees something that she knows I would like, she sends it to me, tears out the pages. And I'm really excited for that because it's just a way for she and I to connect even though we aren't together. And that's one of those things that I've realized like you don't have to be in the same room to have a connection. You can be thousands of miles apart. You can...

not be able to speak on the phone. There's other ways you can figure out how to connect with someone. And it's all about being intentional. I don't know if I said it on the podcast before, but my word for this year is just intentional. Like intentionality is key. And every single thing that you do, the words that you speak, the actions that you partake in, just the thoughts that you think and

If you are intentional about everything that you do, you will see change. You'll see positive change, positive outcomes in your life. And so...

Here are a lot of recipes that mom has actually sent me. So I'm thinking about, well, first off, I'm definitely going to cook them because why not? She saw them and it's something that she's interested in. So I love cooking. I get it from mom. My house is kind of that house where it's like I'll cook and I'll tell all my friends, hey, come over if you're hungry or whatever.

They seem to like it, so that's good. But I'm going to start cooking these recipes, cooking, baking, all the things. And if you're interested, then I will post the recipes that I'm cooking on our social page and let you guys kind of feel like you're a part of the journey too. And when mom gets home, well...

She can cook them with me and hopefully that's sooner than later. Now that I've explained all the random magazine papers to you guys, there's literally hundreds that she has sent me of recipes, pages she's torn out. Also, not only has she sent me recipes, but she sent me, which I actually am like obsessed with.

hold on i need to find it okay it's the 2024 colors of the year so she'll send me interior design stuff she'll send me like a shirt she thinks would look good on me sends me recipes but i loved the interior design

piece of things because while with all the real estate that I'm doing right now, there's seven houses that I've helped design that we're about to list. And that's kind of my new thing right now. And I am thoroughly enjoying it. So the fact that she gets to be a part of it too, makes my heart happy. And in these next round of letters, they're not, she didn't write every day. There's a lot of time periods that are skipped and

It's just kind of how it is. I mean, I can't imagine what it's like to be her and to be inside and doing the same things all day, every day with just no reprieve. And two, one thing I did differently this time is I didn't, I have not read these letters yet. The first round I read as soon as I got them. And these I got literally like two days ago and life's been crazy. But then I also thought to myself, you know what?

Let's just get the real and raw emotions and see where it leads us. So here we go on part three of the prison diary series. April 16th, 2023, day 90.

I never thought I'd ever say, I've been down 90 days. Yes, this is a prison slang used to indicate how long you've been in prison. I've never been down 90 days in my entire life. Not when I had children, not when I had breast cancer, not after a double mastectomy. I think it's finally hit me that I'm actually here and possibly here for the long haul, even though the appeal has been filed.

I have 84 numbers written out on my calendar. Three have been crossed out. So 84 is the amount of months that mom got. So which is wild. 84 months.

I've got my other thoughts on that, but... This is the first time in 29 years that Todd and I have not been together on his birthday. I've always loved birthdays and celebrating those I love. I can't believe I didn't even get to hear his voice. God, please don't let me forget the sound of his voice. This week has probably been the toughest. Todd's birthday and Easter, the first two occasions that I've missed. My hope and prayer is that my time passes quickly.

That's a brutal one. So 84, 84 is the number of months that mom got. And what's so crazy in comparison is in Dublin, California, at the women's prison there, where the, I've spoken about it before to where the chaplain, warden and correctional officers all sexually abused and tortured these women there, the chaplain or the warden, one of the two, I can't remember. They got

I think it was like 70 months. So they got less time than my mom got, which is wild. These were people in a position of power that just had an abundance of power to make or break your life. And they just sexually abused these women. There was over 100 women that came forward. So just to put it into comparison, and then

Second part of the letter, I didn't even get to hear his voice. God, please don't let me forget the sound of his voice. I think that's the most heartbreaking thing because I think when I read it, the reason I got emotional was obviously thinking of mom and dad and like, please don't let me forget his voice. But now I look at that so differently after Nick and I'm like,

please don't let me forget. You know, I think when you start to lose people really close to you, you kind of understand that a little, a little bit better. So that was day 90. The next letter is day 120, which is May 16, 2023. The gap I feel like is

Everything's becoming just very mundane. Like this is my life. This is what it is. Trying to block everything out, trying to just make it through and knowing my mom, she just tries to stay busy. Like even at home when she got nervous, she would clean. So I know her and I know that she's just trying to make the time pass as quick as possible.

Um, so it's a full month later and May 16th. The significance of that is Gray's birthday. Well, I should have read these before. My baby's birthday. How is my baby 17 today? How am I missing his birthday? The first ever.

Thank God for Savannah. She cooked for everyone, something I would most definitely do. She surprised him with Braves tickets and, of course, got him the smoothie maker he wanted. Another kitchen gadget, just what we need. I'm so proud of the young man he's becoming. He's such an old soul. This day really stings. I love celebrating my kids, and to be away kills me.

I remember that birthday and why it was so difficult. Poor Gray. The trial started May 16th, 2022. Get my box of Kleenexes so I don't go meet real estate clients looking like a hot mess. So the trial started May 16th, 2022. And that was his 16th birthday.

His 17th birthday was mom and dad in prison. And now his 18th birthday is coming up May 16th. And mom and dad will still be there. Or who knows? Maybe the appeal. We don't expect to hear anything that quick. So it could take quite a while to hear an opinion on that. But it's just, it makes me so sad because...

The way I look at it is like my 20s have been full of just hurt and disappointment and all these different feelings. And that's what Grayson's teenage years are filled with. Court hearings, disappointments, mom and dad in prison. And I just hope and pray that he can enter into his 20s.

without all of the disappointment and hurt and anger. And as he's entering into his 20s, I'll be entering into my 30s. And hopefully that next decade is very different for all of us. The last letter was May 16th. The next letter is May 25th, day 129. Happy anniversary. Today is our 27th wedding anniversary. My marriage is something I'm so proud of.

It hasn't always been easy, but it's been so worth it. This is the first anniversary Todd and I have spent apart. I know God is in every situation, but man, it's difficult. What is he trying to teach us? Definitely changes your perspective on so many things. I've always known I was a strong person, but this is testing me in a way I've never imagined. Lord, help me make it through the day. So 27 years.

Mom and dad have been married, well, I guess we're coming up on 28. Wow. I couldn't imagine. How long has it been since they've actually spoken? I'm starting to lose track now. Well, since January, a year and a half. Yeah, a little over 14 months and 27 years. Literally, my parents did not vacation like with friends or do things like that. They were together all the time. So that's just...

God, I cannot imagine the feelings that she's feeling, which is, I just can't. I know how strong my mom is. She's way stronger than people give her credit for. That's for sure. But I do, there are times to where I worry just because I know how our federal prison system works. I know that over half of the deaths that have occurred within, you know, the BOP the last year were all of suicide. Why is that?

It's because of how we treat those men and women. We're not giving them proper mental health treatment. We're subjecting them to abuse. Over three-fourths of our federal prison system has just been eaten up with sexual abuse allegations. So three-fourths of the facility. That's wild.

So I do worry. I worry that like, is that going to be my mom? Is that going to be something she has to endure? I worry about her mental health so much and dad's mental health that sometimes it consumes me. But I just have to believe that like, okay, God has a bigger plan for all of us. Day 160, June 25th. So it seems like she's just writing like once a month at this point.

Which makes me sad because I hope it doesn't get less and less. June 25th, 2023. I feel like I've experienced so many emotions over the past few months. I've survived Todd's birthday, Mother's Day, Gray's birthday, Chase's birthday, my anniversary, and Father's Day. So that explains why there was less and less letters.

That's a lot of missed days that I can never get back. I can only pray that I don't miss many more. Baseball season is in full swing. I hate, hate, hate that I'm missing them. But my boy is doing so good. This episode is brought to you by AARP. 18 years from tonight, Grant Gill will become a comedy legend. When he totally kills it at his improv class's graduation performance, knees will be slapped.

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R-O-L-O-N life.com slash unlocked for this special offer. So hurry up, go to ProLonLife.com slash unlocked for your special offer. Savannah's in New Zealand. I've been calling her at 6 a.m., 6 p.m., and 11 p.m. As of yesterday, she had to turn her phone in. I won't be able to talk to her for a week. I'm so proud of her. Chloe is doing great.

This makes me so happy. I was so worried, but she has adjusted way better than I thought. She's been making videos for Savannah. It's the cutest thing. Chase surprised me with a visit on Friday and then came back on Saturday. My parents are with the kids.

It's a rainy day today. What I wouldn't give to be in bed today watching Netflix, Todd requesting something from the kitchen and just hanging there to look over and see him eyeing real estate all over the world and asking, Julie, will you make us this or that? I can't wait for the day. Please, God. That's so true, y'all. Oh, my gosh. That literally, like, on the weekends, they were, especially two, they

leading up to everything. They, that's all they did. Like they would lay in bed, binge watch, mom would cook all kinds of great food. Like we would all, I basically lived at mom and dad's house for two months maybe before they left. I mean, I did, Nick basically did. Um,

We, it was all just, and now I look back and I'm so grateful for those moments because the amount of videos and photos I have or dad has on his phone that I've seen now of like me and Nick laying at the end of their bed and just talking and laughing and cutting up and no, Nick and I weren't in the best place in the world.

But we were still family and it didn't matter if we were together or not. Like we were still family. And that's kind of just what we all did. The next letter. Let's see. That one was the last letter was June 25th, 2023. 160 days. My Wrangler jeans from Walmart are legit my favorite go-to pants. They got that slim cut that's always fresh for going out. Hey, what's up?

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Next letter is day 259, October 2nd, 2023. I haven't journaled. This one's a long one. I haven't journaled in so long, but I'm going to start being more consistent. It's literally what I just said. These last few months have been the hardest. The realization has hit that life is continuing to move on. And here I am stuck.

I'm sitting here today just with a million things going through my head.

God, how life just slaps us in the face sometimes. Since my last journal entry, I'm no longer in the culinary program. The teacher made it a requirement for all the girls in the program to live in one room. No thank you. I'm finally in a room with just one other person and it actually allows you to have some space, as crazy as that sounds. I enjoyed the program but knew that it was time for me to bow out. I have...

I have discovered in prison that there are so many women who have never had a voice or felt like they had any kind of power or control. Thanks again to my husband. I've always had a voice. I thank God Savannah has this too. I'm back working in commissary. It's a good job and gives me something to do.

I consistently try to make things make sense around here, but they just don't. The way things run around here make no sense at all. There's no accountability, no follow through, and no one who really cares. I ran out of phone minutes a few days ago, and I'm going crazy not being able to speak to the kids. I've set up video calls, but for some reason, Chase can't figure it out. Shocker. Life is so uncertain.

and I'm witnessing it firsthand. September 23rd, 2023. Nick was killed in a motorcycle accident. My heart is broken. My heart is broken into a million pieces. He was such a good kid. Gosh. He was such a good kid. Todd and I loved him like he was one of our own.

Nick had his demons, but God knows that we all do. He so wanted to be loved and I pray that he knew that we loved him. I can't imagine what his parents are feeling right now. No parent is supposed to bury a child. I pray that somehow they're able to continue on and celebrate Nick's life. I'm continuing to pray that God shows me the purpose in my pain.

Being away from Todd and my kids is sometimes more than I think I can bear. The loneliness is crippling. The guilt of being away from my kids is truly torture. I thank God for Savannah, but she should be living her best life, not raising her siblings. Her strength amazes me. I pray God shows her favor as only he can do. Please God, give me the strength to make it through one more day.

Gosh, I swear like sometimes I'm like, all right, it gets easier. And then sometimes it just like slaps you in the face. I can't imagine what honestly, though, it's one of those things where I'm like, all right, I know God, like I see God working as hard as that day was. And I don't really know if I've really talked about it. But as hard as that day was, I was when I found out about Nick and

the kids and I were landing in Pensacola to go see dad. And I was on a flight when I got a call and I couldn't answer it. So I shot a text. I was like, hey, what's, you know, I'm on my flight. And the text back was, I need you to call me as soon as you land. So I knew something was wrong. And I was like, what is it? What is it? And that's when I was told that Nick got in an accident and didn't make it. And I just

fell apart on the plane. Like there was no controlling it. I didn't care who was her. I just, I, I just couldn't. And, but that day, like I said, I was going to see dad and I got to be the one to tell him and Chase and my grandparents were going to see mom. So they got to be the ones to tell mom that

First off, I walked into that prison visiting room a hot mess. Let me tell you. Like just makeup all over my face. I got makeup wipes out so I could just take it all off my face. But I walked in and dad just knew when he saw me. He was like, what's wrong? What's wrong? And I couldn't get words out. And I just said, Nick. And as hard as it was telling him that,

I'm also so grateful that God allowed me to be the one to tell him so he didn't have to be alone when he heard the news because he and Nick were best friends. Like that was part of, there was a rift between dad and I because I felt like he chose Nick over me at times. And I'm like, I'm your daughter, like choose me. But now I'm so grateful.

That he chose Nick in so many difficult moments. And I'm just grateful that Chase got to be the one to tell mom that. Oh, God, I was not expecting that. Next letter, November 19th, 2023, day 307. As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm thankful but also so sad. I love the holidays. Most of the women in here just want Thanksgiving and Christmas to be over.

It is such an internal struggle for me because I love these seasons so much. It seems to be an ongoing struggle that I have. I've never wanted to wish time away. I never wanted my kids to grow up. I never wanted the holidays over. But in here, you just want your time to go by so quickly as you want your time to go by as quickly as possible so you can get out and continue living your life.

My parents came to visit yesterday. They're here every Saturday. Thank God. I wish they didn't have to travel so far every week, but I'm so thankful. There are women who have been here for years and have never had one visitor. Savannah makes sure that she brings the kids as much as she possibly can, and if they aren't here, they're visiting Todd. I don't know what I would do without my family.

Like mom said, we try to visit as much as humanly possible. It's tough, obviously, as time goes on, because I have to work. I can't not work. And now that school's back, you know, Monday through Friday, there's holidays and you struggle with that guilt of, well, do we spend holidays in a prison or do we spend holidays at home? There's so many things and it's tough because like,

I don't want them to feel like life's moving on without them. But at the same time, we have to have some sort of life outside of working and school and going to a prison. Like it's so hard to find the happy medium between it all because there's so much guilt associated with it. But I feel like, you know, we have a good balance now. We still go. I mean,

Last year, we went literally every single weekend except maybe a handful of weekends because of either baseball or holidays. All right. The last letter was November 19th, 2023. And that was day 307.

So on that note, I'm going to take a break because clearly I need to go and blow my nose and get a sip of water, regroup. And part four of Prison Diaries will start on November 23rd, 2023, day 311.

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