Surviving Abuse feat. McKinli Hatch 01:07:58

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This episode of Unlocked discusses very sensitive topics such as domestic violence, and it could be triggering to some of my viewers. If you or someone you care about is currently experiencing domestic violence, there is support available. Please reach out to the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7000.

That's 1-800-799-7233 or visit www.thehotline.org. And for emergency situations, always call 911. This week on Unlocked, it's a little bit different. I normally go into my podcast and I'm like, oh, I'm so excited for today. It's going to be great. And I'm going to be

like you know you live in a society where you're like damned if you do damned if you don't so I'm very excited to have you here I hate the circumstances that you're under and that we're here under but I also feel like it's something that needs to be talked about your story so McKinley Hatch is who's here today and I saw your I don't know how I think it was just a God thing your it was like on my for you page or something and

And your video that you posted, the cover photo was you and your ex at Stagecoach, I think, or Coachella, one of the two. And that's what popped up. And then I saw it. And that's what led me to message you. Because I was like, I literally, it was just so, I just got so quiet when I saw it and like had chills come over my whole body. And I was just, I like to use my podcast as a place for people to come and just,

feel how they feel, share their stories and share stories that hopefully lead to change and impact. And I don't know, just to see how vulnerable you were in your Instagram post. It, I mean, I have so much respect for you. So I just want to say that, but I think starting out, so obviously people are going to be like, Oh, what Instagram posts are you talking about? Let's rewind a little bit and you kind of share your story and

Okay. Of just every, just go for it. All of it. All of it. Just starting, starting with the boyfriend. So he, um, and so, well, before that, I'll start, well, before that, so kind of you posted on Instagram, you were a teen mom that happened. So how old were you when you had your first, it was his son, right? Yes. Okay. So I got pregnant at 17, still in high school. Okay. Had him at 18. Okay. Okay. So teen mom. And then,

And it just made me like, it made me smile because you were like, that was then and this is now. Yeah. Which is so amazing. And you have four kids. Four kiddos. That's wild. That video made me laugh so hard too when they're like, oh, you've had a kid? And then it's like, no, actually four. And they're all behind you.

Like it's the cutest thing ever. Yeah. They're amazing. They're the sweetest little souls. They're amazing. So you kind of, I feel like too, starting like teen pregnancy is something though that

I my heart goes out to anyone that's ever had a child as I mean, I'm dealing with it at 26, like being handed kids. I'm like, I don't know how you did it. And the scrutiny that comes along with it that obviously has to leave some sort of lasting impact. Oh, yeah. It was really hard. And it was.

it like looking back i'm so grateful obviously that it happened the way that it did but and he kind of gave me like my reason why my purpose now i have like so much more drive because everything i do is just to give him everything he deserves but yeah it was hard doing it especially like everyone finding out about it i grew up in utah so

a lot of Mormons that was very frowned upon. So that whole, that was a very hard process. How was like, how did that, when you came out about being pregnant, what was the reaction to it from your parents, from your,

My parents, my mom was very upset. She still very active in the church. So she was very upset with me. My dad was, he handled it really well. He was just kind of like, it is what it is. Like let's turn the, turn the page. It's the next chapter. Like let's figure out where to do, what to do from here. He encouraged me to do adoptions. We like looked at adoption places and then just deep down I knew that I,

i could do it and i was going to and i was like i don't think i'm going to be with his dad forever but like i know i can do it on my own if i if i have to so that's what i did and then like friends school i hit it for probably like seven months before i told and even my parents i think i told my parents maybe like six months yeah no six months yeah so it wasn't

And then I went to school. I was just like, hey, I'm pregnant. You're like, I'm like about to have a baby. Yes. Yes. And I was about to do pageants and stuff. And so I just like kept still doing the pageants, even though I was pregnant. I was like, yeah, hit it. We just wore hoodies to school. So like no one knew.

- That is wild. - Yeah. - Holy cow. - It was, it was crazy. - Like your story, that's my thing. It's like you have so many layers that when I was going through your Instagram, I was like, whoa, this, like, it's just amazing to see just the transformation through all of it and how you can find, I like to say like beauty in the ashes at the end of all of it. And so recently though, with how I saw your Instagram, you kind of go into that story.

Yeah. So I had a guy messaged me on Instagram, asked to take me on a date. And I was like, haha, I think we're in different cities. Cause I had just had a trip to Nashville, a girl's trip. Okay. So he saw like the pictures of me in Nashville, assumed that I lived here. We talked over like several months once he realized that I wasn't in Nashville. So just kind of like FaceTime, we would FaceTime for like hours every night, even before I flew out. Yeah. And then finally flew out here, met him like

fell in love so quick, thought he was like everything I could ever want and turned out not like that. - Yeah. And so what was the timeline of that? - So he,

messaged me back in November of last year. So it's almost been a year. And then I ended up flying out in April. - Oh, wow. So there was a lot of time. - Yeah. - And so when you guys were talking, were there ever any, looking back now, were there ever any signs that you were like, oh, I should have caught that or that? - Yes. I think like the first sign was he started to become like very jealous and controlling.

And like I went on the girls trip to stagecoach which the first picture was. And it was supposed to be like a girl's trip. Like we had our own little place to stay in. And I ended up having to like sell my spot to another girl because he wouldn't let me go by myself and came out with me. So like that or like,

controlling over my phone too he was always like going through all my messages like text messages like to like my mom or like to my sisters like stuff that's just like personal that like you don't you don't need to read i mean i'm no if i'm in a relationship i'm very open with my phone you can go through it but like there's some stuff that like you just don't need to like and too you're gonna find something yeah you don't like you're gonna find it it's that i've always i'm like you like if i'm in a relationship sure my phone's right there yeah but i don't

First off, I'm not gonna put myself in a position for you to feel like you have to look through anything, but out of your own insecurity, like you don't get to look at messages with my family members and my, that's just not. So when you saw that, how did you react in the moment to the stagecoach? - So we actually broke up. He was like, you can't go to stagecoach, it's either stagecoach or me. And I'm like, okay, we just started dating like a month ago.

Like, I want to go on this trip. I don't feel like it's right for you not to let me go on this trip. Yeah. And then so we broke up for like the weekend and then we went to talk again and then we kind of agreed that he would come with me. So it's kind of a way for me to still go on a trip and then him to like feel better about me going. And so did where did your family know about this issue? My family did not, but my friends did. OK. And their response was that they were like, he seems like very insecure, very jealous type like person.

They didn't love him, but they're supportive of me. So they were like, okay, like if you really like this guy, like we'll give him a chance. They had not met him at that point in time either. Okay. So they just were hearing stories about our relationship. And at that time you probably were like everything. He's amazing. He's great. All these different things. And so after stagecoach, where did things go?

So at Stagecoach, what month was that? Stagecoach is in May, June. Yeah. I think it's in like May. Okay. Oh, it might even be before it might've been the end of April. Okay. Cause I think I flew out to Nashville and then back for a week with my kids. And then we went to Stagecoach right after that. So it was still like pretty early on. Okay. Then we went together and then, so we were just kind of doing like the long distance thing, like flying back and forth. Um,

Then when he flew out to me in May, that's like the first time that it happened. So this is May of this year. Okay. So we weren't even really together for that long. So from...

originally meeting in April, like the first time that happened was in May. So very, very quick it started happening. So what would, and two, for people that are listening, obviously you've been very open about your story and you've done, you did another podcast and spoke. So I don't want people to think I'm being insensitive to ask questions. But you say the first time that it happened for people that don't,

No, obviously it is domestic violence and you've posted photos and videos that they can look on your Instagram and see. So that first time, like how do you recount just like it happening? So it kind of like threw me off because I really like, I didn't think he was going to be that person. And he was just like going through my phone, went to go grab my phone and he like straight army backed and like,

I know that's not okay, right? But like it happened, it like threw me off and I'm like, okay, like. Like, did you mean to do that? And I was just like, wait a minute, like totally taken back. Kept trying to get my phone again. And then we were like on the bed, like trying to get it. And he like flipped me off with his legs off the bed, jumped on top of me and started strangling me.

- Yeah, and so like, and then in the process of trying to get, and at that point in time, like for some reason I thought I was like strong enough to like fight him off. So I'm like trying to push him off, trying to just like get away. And he had like called someone on my phone while we were like wrestling over it. And the person on the other end of the phone heard us fighting and what heard what's happening. So he is actually the one that called the police on him. - Wow. - Yeah. Honestly, I don't even know if I would have had the strength to call the police the first time.

And so when the police were called the first time, what happened? Did they come to where you, how did that go down? So luckily the person that was on the phone knew my address, told the police to come to me. They called my phone back, the police did, and was like, hey, we just got a report that you're not okay. Starbucks Iced Apple Crisp Oat Milk Shaken Espresso.

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And so that happened. Then there obviously he came back around. And what was that like? So he apologized like a million times, got flowers, did all these things for me. And because obviously I broke up with him at first, like right after it happened, didn't want to talk to him. But then I kind of like just like wanted to hear what he had to say, why he did it, all of that. And...

Ended up getting back together with him. And what was his excuse? That he was drinking. Okay. Yes. Which, like, I know alcohol could play into that, but then also, I mean, I've drank and I never even thought to do that to somebody. Exactly. Yeah. So it's never an excuse. That's the...

And I feel like in situations like this, there's always an excuse. And that it's always somehow it's your fault. - Yes, he was really good about, yeah. He would always like later on other times that it happened, he was like, well, if you wouldn't message this person and like if I like message someone on it, it would be like a neighbor friend or like something like that. Like there was never, my phone was always open. Like he could go through anything. There was never anything inappropriate.

like he would just say like little things like that like oh if you wouldn't have done this or if yeah and so was that hard to not did you get to a place where you were like well it's my fault or yeah a lot of the times i would or i would like try not like just walking on eggshells all the time yeah just trying not to do anything to like set him off especially if he started drinking then i was like really tried just to do like everything perfectly so like he wouldn't attack me again

Gosh, and so that happened right after. And then when was the next time? So it happened when I flew out here to Nashville. He started like getting upset with me and told me to pack up my bags because I obviously flew here. So I packed them all up. Once I packed it up, he was like, started getting mad because he saw that I was serious. He told me to pack up everything. So I was like, okay, done. If you don't want me here, I'll leave. I'll go get a hotel room.

Um, then he got upset that I was all packed up, ready to go and took my bag, started throwing them around the room, unzipped them through the clothes everywhere. And I was just like sitting on the floor, like watching it all down. I bawling at this point. Cause I'm like, I don't know what's happening. And I can tell that like his anger is getting more and more. He started like hitting me over the back of the head. And then that, that point in time, I was like, okay, I gave you a second chance. Obviously nothing's changed. And now it's getting worse because you were like closed fist hitting me right now.

So I just took off running, ran outside. He stopped me. I didn't make it very far. I got like to the sidewalk. - Was this in like a house? - It was at his house, yeah. - Okay. - So ran outside, made it to like the sidewalk. He grabbed me, started apologizing. He's like, "Can we please talk?" And so I'm like, "I don't wanna go back in the house with you, but I can talk to you outside. Like we can talk on the porch."

So I go sit on the porch. He starts hitting me again over the back of the head, like outside. And at this point now I'm just like screaming, like, please someone help me. Someone help me. I grab onto the railing because he's trying to get me like back in the house. I fall like to the ground. He like drags me across the cement back into the house. So it shuts the door and then just starts hitting me again.

And like now at this point in time, I know I'm like not strong enough to fight back. I just tried to run and obviously I didn't make it very far. So then I was just like, I'm sorry, we can make this work. I'll forgive you. Like just saying anything I could just to like get him to calm down. And so I'm apologizing. Finally, he calms down. He's like, okay, let's go up in the room. We can talk in your room and like my room. So we go up there.

we're talking and that and he had my phone at this point too so i'm like okay i don't have a phone i can't run i can't fight him i i'm just like sitting there trying to talk to him calming him down and then finally i saw another opportunity to run because i like i still knew that like it was not okay and i needed to report it and i needed to get out of that house yeah so i grabbed my phone ran outside again and luckily like he was going to the bathroom that's how i like

made it out and so I had a little bit more time to run ran like four houses down turned the corner was hiding behind a truck called 911 and I like told them I was like I've just been hit I'm really scared right now here's the address and they they the way I said the address they needed like a north or a south and I didn't know what it was and they're like you're outside is there any way you can go up to the street sign and just like look and see what the address is of where you are

And so I was like, I'm really scared. I'm afraid if I come out from hiding behind this truck, he's going to see me. And they're like, try to be safe. But we really need to know where your address is. So I get out from behind the truck, tell him the address. And then I look down towards his house and see him standing outside. And he just starts running at me.

And so I'm like asking the operator. I'm like, I don't know what to do right now. I don't know what to do. He's running after me. Like, what do I do? So I'm like, I'm going to run. I'm going to run. I'm going to run. But then I didn't want to like run too far and like have the police not know where I am now from the address that I just gave them. But I just started running. Like he caught up to me. I like grabbed my phone, like tried to hide it from him, but he grabbed it, hung up the phone with 911.

And then he was like, why would you do that? Why would you call him? And I'm like, so this was not okay. Like, you can't do that to me. He knew the police were already on their way. He knew I had been talking to him. So he like grabbed me. We hid in the bushes while the police went and like went to his house. So they went to his house. They were there for like 30 minutes. We were hiding in the bushes the whole time. Yeah. And then once they finally left, he took me in through the back door and, um,

And again, like this point in time, I'm like, it's not okay. I can't be in this house. I got to figure out a way to get out. He has my phone again. So I don't have anyone to call. And he, so I finally asked him, I'm like, can I, can I use my phone to call my daughter to tell her good night? So he agrees to that. I call my daughter and she answers. I'm like bawling. And I'm like, can I talk to your dad, which is my ex-husband? We were married for 10 years.

- And you guys have a good relationship. - We have a good relationship, yeah. We co-parent really well. But it's pretty rare for me to like talk on the phone to him. Like unless we have like something to talk about. - You'll text back and forth or if it's something important with the kids, you'll talk. - Yeah, but for me to ask her to talk to her dad and she can tell that I'm bawling. And so he gets on the phone

And I'm still crying and he's like, are you okay? And I said, yes. And he was like, are you sure? It doesn't sound like you're okay. And I was like, well, I just want you to know that my daughter has my location on her phone. And then he took my phone, hung it up. Your boyfriend at the time. Yes. So he took my phone, hung it up and started yelling at me. He had like this mason jar in his hand, grabbed the mason jar, threw it at me. It like shattered. I like put my leg up to like block it.

hit my leg cut like cut my leggings open that I was wearing there was like blood everywhere so now he knows that my ex is going to call the cops again so now it's gonna be the second call to 911 and that now I'm like bleeding everywhere so he like takes me upstairs makes me change my clothes we're like sitting on the bed the police are just banging on the door you can hear them they were like shining their flashlights around the whole house but like couldn't get into me and like they would leave for like five minutes come back start banging on the door again so I'm like I know that they're close but like I'm

too scared to like try and run outside. I don't even know if I'll make it. And we were like on the second level of his house. So it's like to get all the way down the stairs and out the door. Like I didn't know if I could make it in time. So, but finally I saw another opportunity to run. So he was distracted. I ran out, made it out.

and where he lives there's like a stoplight so I made it to the stoplight there was a car there I started like banging on the windows asking her to help me she was I feel so bad for this lady but she did not let me in the car so I was like okay I have to keep running I'm like barefoot too just running so I started running I made it like 10 more seconds and then cop lights flipped on and they were there and was that the last time no okay so from there that was in Nashville because there's been things that have happened in

Both states. In both states. So Utah and Tennessee. So that was in Nashville. What happened? Did they arrest him at the time? Yeah. So he got arrested there. He was on like a 12 hour hold. So like not very long. He got charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, interference with a 911 call, false or false imprisonment and public intoxication. Hmm.

Okay. And then he got out 12 hours later. And where, where were you at that moment? So I went back to a hotel cause obviously I don't live here. So I just got a hotel that night. I ended up staying in Nashville for like two days just to like, cause when I woke up the next morning, I found it.

what's up a friend had texted me, not like a close friend and they were like, are you okay? And I was like, how does she know? - Yeah, 'cause it was. - It was posted on. - There's an Instagram page that gets everyone who gets arrested in Tennessee, I swear to, it's crazy. And they post it almost immediately. - Yeah, and it had the full story and they like, they tagged my Instagram and they tagged his. And so I just, and then I was like, after she texted that, I like went to my Instagram, just flooded with messages.

So that's why I kind of stayed here for like another two days just to like... There was a lot coming. Yeah. And I was like, I had my dog out here with me. When you go through something like that, you're also... You're so... The adrenaline, I feel like, is so high of just like self-protection. Oh, yeah. And you have to... And then when it comes down, you crash. Oh, yeah. Yep. And that's why I was like, I'm just going to just sit here in this hotel for like two days and just like... Because I was already like processing everything that just happened. Because that was like...

yes it had happened before but not to that level yeah and so I was just like trying to even figure out what happened and now I'm flooded with messages and everyone's like everyone knows what happened so I'm like just trying to figure out like navigate through that gosh that's a lot so that's and then he I assume he gets out 12 hours later and did you hear from him yes almost immediately yes

That's wild to me. Yes. And like at this point in time too, like my family knew. So they're like... Everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone did. And then my family knew like all the details of everything too. So they obviously did not want me in Nashville, wanted me to come back, wanted me to never talk to him again, which at the time I did request a protection order that night, but it just, it never went. Like we never really like filed the paperwork to do it. Looking back, probably should have. But then at the same time, it's like, it's so hard with domestic violence. Cause it's like...

Yes, the protection order will help you and can help you. But when it comes down to it, like they can get to you if they want. If they really want to. And in domestic violence, what a lot of people don't talk about what's so hard is how manipulative the abuser can be and what an emotional hold it can have on you. And you're just like, well, they said, I'm sorry. Like they said, they're going to do better. They...

they promise they you get in such an abused state oh yeah that you're just like okay well well they said I'm sorry yeah and did you find yourself in that place oh yeah and I I feel like I was like

I knew it wasn't okay. Even though I kept going back, I knew it wasn't okay, but I kept going back. But I was like, okay, let's, he was promised me he wouldn't drink anymore. He went into like a six week program for like intensive therapy to try to, because his, obviously his family knew what was happening too. So like they're trying to help him. He flew back home to Wisconsin to like be there just to be away from everything, just to like focus on himself. I'm thinking that this can all like help him. And then it didn't, but.

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- So he, since he ran the very first time, he didn't get arrested that time. There's still charges for those. We still press charges. And then he got arrested in Tennessee in July. - July. Okay. So that happened in July. And then when did you get back together with him after that? - So yeah, I went back again, which like that part's hard too. 'Cause it's like, and I hid it from everyone. Like no one knew that we were back together.

like changed his name in my phone. So it looked like someone else was calling me if I was ever around people, like no one knew we were talking again. We weren't hanging out 'cause he was in his program in Wisconsin, but like we were still talking. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Wow. And so was the next time it happened the last time it happened? - That's the last time he like physically hurt me, but he was arrested again after that time.

For, so he, so I flew out here to Nashville to like go to the court of things. Yeah. Cause I know you had spoken about that was you flew out, you thought you had to testify and like they had just called and left you a voicemail, which is going to be a whole other conversation because it's mind boggling how our system deals with stuff like this. Yeah. Because even from the first time that you called and you said you guys hid behind the bush until they left, um,

They should have never left until they put eyes on you because that's how you see Gabby Petito. You see all these other cases to where women and men both, they end up dead because of domestic violence and because police officers don't have proper training and don't,

that's mind boggling to me that like they just left. Yeah. And it's one in four women and one in seven men that it happens to, which is like insane. That's crazy. It gives me chills because I'm just, like you said, I've never thought about putting my hands on someone. So I, I don't know. Um, that's wild. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. So, okay. So, um,

You came because they left a voicemail on your phone saying, hey, we need you to come show up, testify, whatever it was. And you thought you were like, this isn't right. You thought you were like, this is happening really fast. Yeah. I need more info, whatever. You show up. Your lawyer came with you, luckily. Yeah. And...

the, what was it? The prosecutor or one of them was like, hey, sorry, I'm new to this. Like just trying to figure it all out. What was that about? That one, she like walked in the room and literally sat on the couch and was like,

I'm new at this like and my attorney was like well how long she's like I've been doing this for like two months and like okay and so then that he kind of like guided her through the plea deal because we did offer him a plea deal and and so why did that happen why did because people that are listening and look into it they'll be like why did you let him off easy because all he got was what probation yeah that's it yep so why what was the reasoning for that

So we were already talking again at this point in time. This is after he had just gone through the program. He's claiming that he's not drinking anymore. So I'm like, that was your way of saving. Yeah. Giving him another chance. And I went back up. I went back and forth for like so long, even like sitting there in the room. I'm like, do I get like, do I even agree to this or not? Like,

But also I didn't, my attorney too was like, you have to realize that if we take this all the way to trial, you're gonna have to keep flying back out here a lot to like go through this. And he's like, but there's already charges in Utah and you're gonna have to do this in Utah as well. So he's like, maybe we let him take the plea deal here. And then in Utah, you can, you're closer to like all the courts. So it wouldn't be as much travel back and forth for you. And you don't have to deal with like both cases. So that's why we decided to let him do the plea deal.

And again, like, I think he's, I think he's changing. Yeah. I think he really loves me and he would never do it to me again. And you, you believe everything that they say. And I get so much crap about going back. And it's like, I don't think people realize until they're in it, like how much

they twist the stories and manipulate you and they threaten you with different stuff too like he would threaten stuff all the time or and he was like helping financially with me and my four kids so then i have like that obligation too and it's like just there's so many little things that people don't understand and i feel like until you're in the situation you'd have i don't know if you could really understand because even me looking at someone i'm like

If he hit you, why would you stay? You know, why would you stay? It makes no sense. Yeah. Yeah. But when you're in it and like you said, you don't know until you're in it. And wow. So.

When you, you basically like, it was like a get out of jail free card. Yeah. Oh yeah. At that moment. And looking back, do you have regrets that you didn't like push it all the way or no? Yes. Okay. I think I should have just because it happened and it shouldn't have happened and he should have been held accountable for it in more ways than he was.

And didn't he do it again after? Mm-hmm. Within two days of me dropping the charges. And it was, like, so bad. And... You said, if I recall, in one interview you did, you said, like, I didn't know if I was, like, actually going to get away from that one. Yeah. I truly don't know if I...

I was on the ground, couldn't move. And then even like the next morning I woke up, those are the videos with the bruises and everything. - You had a black eye where you had bruises on your arms. - Yeah. And then like the back of my head was like really, like he would like picked up my head and was like banging it against the floor, like broke my ribs on the side. Like it was really bad. - Two days. - Two days later, yeah.

- Wow. So in that moment, what did you do? That had to have been, I could not imagine how you felt the most defeating and you had to have been beating yourself up. 'Cause you were like, I thought you changed. - Yeah. And this was like the first time we'd like hung out and like been back together after his treatment and stuff. So I'm like, okay, again, he's better. - Yeah.

Yeah, and I was like, that's what I really had so much regret about letting the charges. I'm like, I literally just let all these charges go and you just turned around and did it again. But worse than you've ever. Yeah, worse than the first couple times that it happened. So what did you do from at that moment? So it happened at night. I was in like really bad shape. So I basically and I was like throwing up, couldn't even stand.

I went like, I knew I had to go to the police, but I like physically couldn't even get there. Obviously didn't have my phone because he had my phone. So I just went to bed, laid on the couch, fell asleep, woke up the next day and still in such bad shape. I remember like I woke up and he like looked over at me and he was like, wow, you don't look good. Like you look like you're in bad shape because like that. And then I'm like, that's the first thing you say to me. Not like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah.

like half of my face was like swollen on the side. Like it was just bad. And I'm like, the only thing I was like, I just want to get home to Utah. I need to get out of this house. I need to go to Utah. So booked the next flight, flew back to Utah. And so you didn't, did you ever come back and press charges? That is why I'm here. And I like, I called. Good for you. Like it makes me want to cry because like now's your time to take your power back. Yeah. And even so, yeah.

This is like the first time to have been back since it's all happened. And I was like, I think I can do it. Like, I'll be fine. But even just like landing at the airport and I'm like, he usually picks me up from the airport. So it's like, that's like a trigger or even I'm here with my girlfriends. Luckily they came with me because they want to be here for me. So we did like an order Uber Eats thing and it didn't show up. So I was like, oh, I'm already in an Uber. I'll just stop and get it. We pull off the Uber driver does and it's like his exit. And I'm like, oh, like,

Just like all the memories like come back and then like you just wish it just like didn't happen. And there's those moments to where because it's not any people would be lying to themselves if they were like, oh, I did it.

I don't miss the person I thought I knew. Of course you're going to have those moments. And it's like, that's normal. But to be able to show up and do what you're doing now and to stop at those places. And I feel like that's you like taking your power back. - Yeah. And that was another part, like obviously I needed to do, I had been working with a detective 'cause when it happened, again, I just wanted to get back to Utah.

I flew back and immediately called the Tennessee police. And I was like, I need to report these charges. And they're like, no, I called Utah first. I just called like the Utah, the Salt Lake ones. And they were like, we can't report it here because it happened in Tennessee. You have to call them. So I called Tennessee and then they're like, you have to be here in person to report it. So. And when was that? Like, when did you, what was the time? So the first time he was arrested was July. You let him enter into a plea deal, all of that. And then when you had to,

So that happened. So was the last time he put his hands on you in July? Was that it? September. September. When I came back to do the court stuff. The court stuff. Okay. Wow. Yeah. Okay. XC got arrested in July and then September he entered into the plea. Wow. Yeah. Holy cow. So.

you and why would you say was it were you just afraid of coming back here because i remember seeing on your instagram a few was it last week the week before that you were like afraid he was gonna be released yes and i was so he's currently in custody right now he um well after i flew back i posted like one video the first one

And he posted a video. He posted one. Yeah. Like publicly apologizing for what had happened, basically trying to get back together with me. And I like still had the black eye responded to the video and he got on like the next flight to come out to Utah. And I took the video down because at that point I'm scared. He's very upset. He knew that I had the intention to come back to Nashville to file the charges. And at this point we're like not

not like really working it out like he knows I'm done I'm like I've I already filed the protection order like we're just waiting it for yeah we're waiting for the judge to sign it as soon as they sign it like you'd not even be able to call me anymore like you shouldn't be now and he's like no I'm coming to see you and I was like don't come to my house don't come to my house he flies there anyways um is banging on my front door and so I'm like okay the doors are locked it's fine I I

didn't like I knew to call the police but like I just didn't know what they would do because he hadn't done anything basically he just came to my house and was knocking on the door so um which is sad to begin with yeah because even I had a crazy stalker situation and the police were like until he does something yeah there's nothing we can do so until he beats me or almost kills me or does kill me there's nothing you can do yeah they can like escort him off the property but like he'll just come right back yeah like

So I'm like, I know the doors are locked. So like locked them all. And then he broke into my house through the basement window and I hid in the basement because I was scared. And I was like, I don't know what to do right now. And so I just hid at first and I could hear him like, I was in the basement. I could hear him like walking around, like so upset. And I was, I knew he had been drinking too. So I'm like, this is not going to go good. Especially if he finds me, knows that I'm hiding. He's texting me the whole time. Like, where are you? Where are you? And I was like, I'm not home. We

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Not there. Yeah. Then my phone dies. And so I'm like, yeah. Oh my gosh. Luckily, I found a charger while I was down there. So I charged it up to like 2% battery. While I'm just like, I was probably sitting in the basement hiding from him for like 20 minutes as he was like just looking for me everywhere. So finally, I make it out of the house, call 911. And they come up to the house, arrest him for burglary. And when they arrest him, they found a knife on him.

- What? - Yes. So like, I remember, so once he was arrested, the officers are obviously like talking to me, telling me everything. And I'm just like going over the story of what happened. And like, they came on like the little walkie talkie and it was like, we found a knife on him. And I remember when they said that, like my heart just sank because I was like, I don't know what his intentions were, but I- - You know what they happen. - Yeah.

And I feel like when he's in that moment and when it was happening, he would just like go dark. Like he, there was nothing I could say or do to get him to stop. So that was November or October. That was October. And now he's still sitting in jail, just awaiting trial. Yeah, so he got let out like within a couple hours of it happening because he was only charged with burglary.

And the next day a detective called me and was like, "I just looked through all the cases." He's like, "I think there's something else going on. I'm gonna press more charges against him." So they pressed more charges, SWAT went in and arrested him here in Nashville, and they extradited him back to Utah.

- Holy cow. - Yeah. - And so now he's just awaiting trial and there's other charges against him from other people as well? - Yes. - Okay. - I know there's new ones and then he's already like, the other ones happened like a couple of years ago. - Yeah. - But since then too, there's been girls that have reached out to me that was like, I've had the same thing happen with him. I'm gonna go report the charges now too.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. And in a way you coming out. Yes. Definitely. I feel like saved a lot of people. Yeah. And that was like, that was hard for me to even like tell that story. Part of me felt like I was like obligated to, cause it was all over social media. It was everywhere. Not because I wanted it to, I probably would have never even, I don't even know if I would have like told my family and friends that it happened if it wasn't posted. And I just felt like,

a need to do it for like so many different reasons. And the first time I posted it, I was flooded with so many messages of women in the same situation that I'm like, I can't not tell my story now. Yeah. Because it's happening to so many people and people just

it's so shameful too to like post that and be like because you blame yourself yeah so much and it's like and I went back and I let it happen again and people were like well you have kids like why why didn't you think of them and I'm like I that's what I was gonna say yeah like that is my yeah they're my everything so it's like getting those kind of times to where you looked at them your kids and you were like

I what am I doing yes like because all it would take is maybe the next time and you don't come home to them yeah like yeah and that's what why was there a time that you're like all right like because of them like I if I don't love myself enough to stop this I have to love them enough to stop it yeah that's pretty much exactly what happened okay because especially like with my oldest he's

14 now like the one i team pregnancy with him i'm like he i just want to give him like everything and i'm like i i i have to do that for him like it's that's i have to he's like my wife they all all four of them are but him like obviously doesn't have like the best relationship with his dad so like i'm all he's got sometimes you know so i'm like i can't not be here for him i cannot i'm like

It's just awful. - Yeah. - And to see, but now I feel like you're in a fate, like there's still so much growth and still so much healing to do, but like you just showing up here. - Yeah. - Is a lot. - And that's how, like even the first night we landed and I'm like, we went out and I was like telling him like how I was like scared to go report it. And you're like, no, like you're here, you did it. Like obviously they would support me no matter what, but they're like, he did it. He needs to be held accountable.

And so like, and I'm just like bawling the whole night because they were just being so sweet. Like, and so did you do that yesterday or you went and reported it yesterday? Wow. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. I was like, I need to just like land and do it so I can just say you don't. Wow.

Holy cow. Yeah. Good for you though. Just, I mean, when I saw your video, I was just like, I, I couldn't imagine. Yeah. And it's even like still like pretty surreal to me that it was like even, even happened and that like someone can take it to that level and do that to another human. How did his family respond? Because you said that they were aware of it. I think they've been like,

It's hard because it's family, right? They want to help him, but I think they're enabling him at this point because they're still trying to bail him out right now. They're trying to get the charges dropped, all of that, which it's not going to help him. It's just going to, like, it's going to, I know it will happen again if it doesn't, like, if it's not to me, it'll be someone else. And the next time he could potentially kill someone. Yeah. Are you prepared for it to go to trial? No.

Yes. So the very first time I talked to the prosecutor, he, I told him I didn't want to testify. I was like, I don't want, I don't, I don't want to be, I don't want to tell the story and I don't want to do that. And then now that it's been a couple months, I've obviously come out with my story and like said it. And now I'm like, I think I'm ready to. Yeah. It's time for you to take your power back. There's no right or wrong way to deal with it. It's just whatever happens.

is best for you yeah and it's telling my story has been like I was so scared to do it but it has been like so freeing and has helped me heal so much by saying it that I'm so grateful that I decided to do that and it's held me accountable for like not going back you know that's what I was gonna say is part of you did part of you feel like all right obviously a a

Good amount of people knew about it because that Instagram page posted his mugshot and then everything that had happened. Yeah. But it still wasn't the amount of like you're following because you do like you have a successful business and you what's your business? You're the CEO founder of... It's called Mickey Gray. Okay. And it's... I've looked at it and I was like, wait, this is really cute clothes. Yeah. So...

You already had a good following. And so did you feel like, all right, well now like some people know, but I could still probably hide it. But then-

By you posting it, was that your way to kind of force yourself to be held accountable? Yes. I think even that one was a big one because I was getting so many comments. A lot of people did know about it, but like someone would comment and then other people would be like, wait, what happened to her? Like, and it was just like a way for me to be like, okay, this, this is what happened to me.

And, but now I can like own the story and I can tell it and hopefully it helps other people get out of the situation that I was in or recognize signs before it happens to them. Yeah. Because like you said, your signs were going through your phone, being controlling, not allowing you to go to an event with your girlfriends. Yeah. Like looking back, you're like, Hey, those were the signs I should have listened to. Yeah.

- Wow. - And even my friends too, they were like, before they had even met him, they were like, when you guys are like FaceTime, we were talking on the phone, like sometimes like the way he talks to you, that kind of talks down to you. Like, we don't like that either, which was another sign. Like looking back, I'm like, oh, I should have listened then. And there was like several just like gut moments where I knew. I knew that like, I didn't think he would ever take it to the level he did, but I knew something was off.

I'm just like mind blown how someone could do this. Especially because I'm like, this is someone you, you claim you love. And how old is he? You want to marry them? He had just turned 30. Okay. So he was two years younger than me, but. What? This is wild. And so as you're going through the system. Yeah. Do you, have you had moments to where you're like, whoa, like the system isn't for me?

you know, like, like, yeah, like, sure, you're going to meet people who like feel bad for you or whatever. But with the way an officer can only do so much or a lawyer based off of the laws and based on the tools that are put in place for domestic violence. Yes. And I wish that there was more because I feel like

it takes so much for a victim to finally report it to finally tell someone because again there's like shame around there's so many different reasons but it takes so much courage for them to finally come forward and when they do there are some resources but there's not a lot and especially if you get like the wrong officer or the wrong you know that doesn't doesn't understand that or doesn't understand

why you went back. Luckily, every time I've reported it, there's been someone that's been trained in domestic violence and has dealt with those kind of cases for years. So they understand it. Or the prosecutors are like, I can only do, I can only help you so much. But if you keep reporting it, I will be the one to keep going after him because it's not okay. It's still mind blowing to me though that the time that you ran, you were behind the truck, the officers left. Yeah. Yeah.

That to me is still what's so mind blowing. Especially because if you could have heard the 911 call too, I was just hysterically, I was so scared and I'm just bawling. And I'm like, I told them I'd already been hit. I wasn't okay. I'm in bad shape. I'm covered in bruises. And that part kind of threw me off too. Cause I'm like, I don't know why they just like keep leaving. Like even that, like in that moment, I feel like

not even in that moment just hearing it now yeah that was your cry for help and not to say but like if they would have arrested him then it may not have happened again yeah and it's like it's so hard too because it's just like again like finally telling someone like it took so much in me for me to finally call 911 even yeah i considered it like a life or death situation or else i wouldn't have even called i knew that if i stayed in the house something worse was going to happen

But you love that person so much and you don't want, you don't want to press charges against like your boyfriend. You don't want them to have to go to jail. You don't want, and you have like so much hope and you love like that version of them that you think that they are and you think that they can become that. But then at some point in time, you have to look at them and be like, this, this is who you are. Yeah.

and so what is what would you say now obviously you are still in the thick of it all yeah but you've done a lot of healing along the way or you've begun to what's one piece of advice you would give someone a woman or a man yes where you were months ago as it was happening leave like the very first sign to just leave it's it's so hard to

But it's just going to get worse. Like, and everyone says that it's going to get worse. It's going to get worse. And you like, you don't want to believe it, but it does. It gets worse. And like to a point where a lot of people don't make it out. And so if they just leave it, those first signs are the first, like gut, gut feeling you have, like your guts always, right? You. It's always smells like pine. She said, get out the chat room and clean mine.

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Enough to head over to McDonald's. Enough to make you really wish this commercial were scratch and sniff. And if you're a sausage person, now get two satisfyingly savory sausage McGriddles, sausage biscuits, or sausage burritos for just $3.33. Or mix and match. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer or combo meal. Single item at regular price. I feel like more people need to listen to it, including myself, obviously, but...

leaving is hard or like telling someone trying to tell someone that's like a close friend or a family yeah I I obviously think that you should report it out to the first time and it kind of keeps you accountable for not going back how would you say friends or family could have

been there for you more effectively during that time? Or did they do everything? 'Cause obviously it's easy for someone that it's not happening to, to say, well, just leave, just leave. What the hell are you doing? But could someone have maybe said something differently to you that would have caused you to think like again about leaving?

I think that part is still hard for me because I've never been in the situation where I'm trying to pull someone out of the relationship, right? And I feel like everyone in my family handled it so different. There was the one, like I stopped talking to my sister for several weeks just because she didn't want me to go back and I did. And so that was like her way of holding me accountable. Or like I would get text messages from like friends or family that are like, why are you doing this? Like, and then you have the ones that were just like their friends

just to check on me. They knew that I was in it and they knew that like it was gonna take me leaving. I remember one time a friend came to me and they're like, my sister's in the situation. Like, what do I say to her to get her to leave? What can I say to her? And I'm like, the hardest part is I don't think you can say anything. It just has to be that person having enough and finally walking away. 'Cause I feel like you can tell them everything, but it's so hard. Or I feel like watching,

watching someone else go through the story and knowing it's possible that one that would probably be the biggest way to get me out of that one for you if you would have seen someone share a story like what you're sharing yes and said I couldn't leave it happened x amount of times and then I finally left yeah yeah that or having that person come like sit me down and be like look this is what happened to me it's gonna get worse you need to leave I feel like

then you can kind of relate to them a little more. So you kind of like, okay, you understand how hard it is to leave, why I'm staying and that I shouldn't go back.

Wow. I really wish that I just would have like left when it was safe, when I wouldn't have to escape or like run, literally run several times. Yeah. That, but, and it's, but it's so hard, but now you're sitting here though and you can see it. I can't imagine in the moment of like, for people that are listening that are going through it, that's the best advice of like, don't wait until you have to fight for your life to leave. Yeah. And it's like, you can,

there's so many resources for it too. In a way, there needs to be more. - You can actually, in some places, like there's facilities you can call and for them to help you get out of your situation safely, or a police officer will actually come and help you or help you write a report, whatever it may be. So what resources have you seen or used yourself that have helped you? And what resources do you think we're lacking?

So they once someone is arrested for domestic violence, they'll reach out to the victim. There's usually a victim advocate that will help. They usually come out to your house too, depending on how serious the situation was. They'll come out obviously to make sure you're okay. They will, they can put you, they offered to put me in a hotel for the night just to like not be in my house anymore to make sure if once he got out, if I was safe.

They have free counseling for once you are out of the situation that you can use. And then they also will like help you create safety plans 'cause so many victims go back. And so they have, they create, help you create a plan to leave safely because odds are you're probably going to go back, which sucks. But they'll help walk you through that process. Obviously getting them the counseling helps to figure out and process all the trauma.

- Wow, that's... - And that's the thing, it's like you said, more times than not, you go back. So the fact that there are resources that are like, "Hey, we advise you to not do this, but if you do this, this is what you need to be prepared for." Holy cow. So now that you're to this stage, you came back,

pressed more charges, which is so unfortunate. That's like that you have to keep doing it. I think that's what's so sad. But I mean, heck at this point he's in over his head and they're piling up amongst you and other people that it's come out about. Because like you said, or I said, Nashville is like a big city, small town. And so you live in Utah, but he lived here. And there are a lot of people

that have had experiences with him in this town that, you know, allegedly we have heard about, but I just, what you're doing is freaking amazing. Thank you. I'm proud of you for standing for a minute and taking your power back. Yeah. And that's, I think the biggest thing about coming here is just taking my power back and like,

I loved Nashville before I met him. And so I'm like, I just don't want to like think. - Hate it because of him. - Hate it and like have those memories. I'm like, I'm gonna come here. I'm gonna do what I need to do. And then I'm gonna just like make better memories here. - That's awesome. So what would you say is next for you? - I honestly, now that I've told my story, I really wanna help get more resources out there because now I've seen that like,

how hard it is. And I think a lot of the reason that women stay in domestic violence is financial reasons. I feel like that's a really big one. That was a question someone asked. I asked people if they had questions and they said, what would your advice be? I want to read it word for word because it was exactly that.

For those that think it's so easy to leave, it's not, especially when the abuser has full control of finances. Yes. And so how did you see that play out in your situation? So with mine, fortunately, like we weren't together a long time and I did have like my own career and stuff, but he was financially paying for stuff, which is hard to leave. So I think it happens so many times with women where they are 100%.

financially dependent on them and they are not only just like controlling the finances but they'll control the vehicles or like so many honestly even like what you wear like they'll control it down to that and then they'll isolate you from like friends and family so like they don't know what's going on it's all happening in the home behind closed doors yeah so it's it's so hard for them to like

finally come forward and be like, not only do I have to get away from this relationship, but now I have to like financially support myself. Yeah. And that's the thing is it would be great to know. Cause I bet there are some organizations out there that we're just not aware of that maybe do this, but yeah,

kind of like give women a safe place to go and be rehabilitated while not having to worry about finances or, cause I couldn't imagine, like you said, fortunately, sure. He was helping you with some things, but you also had your own career and you had been a single mom before him, you know? So like you had your own stuff, but I couldn't imagine just being like, well, if I walk out of here, I,

i'm homeless yeah i have nothing yeah and i feel like a lot of abusers do that and they just they make you solely dependent on them so you don't have a credit card and you don't have anything in your name which is i think that's why he started paying for stuff like that because he he hated me working he was always like i want your time i want your time and i'm like well i have to work i have four babies so i'll pay for it then and i think that was a way of him like slowly getting the control of that yeah

Wow. At what point did you see that? I didn't honestly really realize it until I was out of it. Yeah. Okay. I don't even think it was happening. The relationship was so short and it happened very quickly. So I think because it happened so quickly, which is honestly another sign is the love bombing and like gaslighting you in the beginning and like,

- Oh yes. - Yeah, so it's like, you don't even, he's showering, now he's like paying for my bills, giving me flowers, taking me on fun dates, doing all this stuff. And like, you're so in love, you got these rose colored glasses on and you don't see a lot of like the bad signs. - The signs. - Yeah, or even just with like him starting to like slowly isolate me, I didn't even realize that until like, I was like, oh, I literally don't hang out with anyone. Like we couldn't, I couldn't even do like wine nights at my house and have my friends come to my house.

Wow. Yeah. That is, I'm still just mind blown and in such shock. And, but I feel like, like I said, you coming out about your story is helping so many people and just to watch you and literally it like breaks my heart. Cause I was like watching your videos and seeing, and then how you would show you like covering it up. That's what was crazy to me, how you had like this black eye, but yet you,

you're just covering it up. - And a big reason for that too is because like I have kids. So like, and my kids, I think one of the times my oldest saw a bruise on my arm and he was like, what happened? And I was like, oh, I fell on this or something. I don't know. - Yeah. - Made up some story, but like for all the ones, I mean, how are you gonna tell your kid? Like the bruises that I had, like there's really no, you have to have a serious something happened to look like that. So I would just cover them all up 'cause I didn't, I'm trying to protect my kids to like, so they didn't have to know.

what was happening. Cause for the most part, I mean, they were the only ones I was really around cause I wasn't around family or friends anymore because I was so isolated. Yeah. I just want to say thank you for being vulnerable, showing up, telling your story cause it's impacting so many different people's lives. And now we just, like you said, you want more resources out there. And two, for my followers, I think I'm going to have on

like a specialist in this, a counselor, whatever it may be to tell us resources and what to do, where to find them. But for people that maybe don't know where to find you, where can they like, what's your Instagram? Cause that's, I referenced the video at the very beginning. So for people to get the full breakdown, what is it? So it's just my name at McKinley. Okay. So M C K I N L I. Okay, perfect. So you guys, and once the episode drops, I'll like post something so people can find it. But I just think,

- Seeing that could potentially save someone's life. - Yeah. - 'Cause they, whether it's at the beginning stages and they don't want to get to that point or whatever it may be, I just think it's super important for people to see that. But thank you. And I'm really proud of you.

And I'm excited to watch your journey as you fight this. And hey, I will shout it from the freaking rooftop. So if you need me, I'm here because there ain't no way in hell he's getting away with it. Yeah, right. I hope not. No, no, not at all. Well, thank you. No, thanks for having me on. And thank you for like having this platform. So I can tell the story. Social media is exhausting. I mean, I love it. The memes, the drama, the tea.

So I started a podcast to digest all that is going on and give you an opportunity to just sit back and soak it all in. The Perez Hilton Podcast. We talk trending topics, cultural resets, and in case you missed it. So if this sounds like your world, your cup of tea, give my podcast a listen. The Perez Hilton Podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts.

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