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You were the bachelor, obviously. You were on The Bachelorette, weren't you? Yeah, but you knew me before all of it. I did. So let's not even pretend. No, so that's why I was going to go into that. But I got to introduce you first. Okay, yes. So it's actually really funny, the story behind it, because we've never actually gotten to speak about this. No, we haven't. And I think it's hilarious, because I just have to say, when we met the first time, like, I knew you were gay. Like, I knew. Yeah. Yeah.
about it. And like you can, Emily is sitting right here, which is hilarious because Emily was my makeup artist at the time. One of my best friends and she was there. So, and I had my brother as my wingman. Yes. Your brother was your wingman and it was the ACM awards. I forgot what year, but it was after, was after Luke.
Yeah. So it was after Luke Kennard and I broke up and I was like, all right, screw this. You know, you know how it goes. Like you go through a breakup and you're like, I was, I was off of a breakup too. Like coming off of a breakup. And yeah, I was just like, Oh, why not? Let's, let's go see. Yeah. Like, let's go see. But then I remember there was like no connection there whatsoever. Sure.
No, I mean, for obvious reasons, like when I, when I say it's, it's not you, it's me. Like I truly mean that. And obviously I proved that at this point, but yeah, it was still a fun weekend though. I still had like, we still had so much fun. Um, Oh, I have one too. So let's, Oh, mine's sort of fun. Well, you know how, like I went to great lengths to make sure that there is no photos or proof of that weekend. Cause I wanted to stay out of the tabloids and media, um,
And I remember riding to the carpet with your dad. Yes. And he leaned over and he goes, at one point he goes, son, my daughter's not ready for a man like you. And I was like...
Todd, I'm not ready for your daughter either. But I didn't say that, but I just remember him saying that to me. But I will say he has been so fun to stay in my life and like shoot me a text. And he's so optimistic and cheerful and been a great supporter, which has been awesome. I love that. He really is. Like that's the dad I grew up with. And I knew like no matter what happened in my life, what I did, like that was the one constant I've had.
So that's really funny. So, oh God, yours was a lot nicer confession than mine. Oh no. Now I'm nervous. Oh gosh. So I remember that night and I was just like, you were so sweet. Like, obviously you're hot as hell, but like, there was just like no connection there. I remember looking at Emily and I was like, he's totally gay. She was like, no, he's not Savannah. And then later that night, remember I laughed and went back to my room.
And I was like, I'm really not feeling well. I'm going to go back to my room. And you guys went and gambled. And then we came up to the room. Well, I really went to another hotel and hung out with all my friends. Oh, fun. And another guy. And another guy. Great. Not offended at all. I would have done the same if I was in your position. The room service was great, though. We ended up catching up at late night room service, and it was fun. It was fun.
So I just had to. I was like, this is amazing. Yeah. But so from... How long was it after that that you went on The Bachelor? Oh, gosh. Everything in that time period is like a blur or like I just block out my traumas. So...
I was, it was like in between football, I still had like my legal thing going on with one of the former teams I played with. I really didn't know what I was going to do. And so I like dipped my toe into a casting thing in Denver. Okay. But it was for the bachelor. So it was only women there. Okay.
So I walk in and I was like, am I in the right spot? Like what's going on? And then before you knew it, I was like up in a room in front of a camera talking and interviewing for this thing. And like two weeks later, they're like calling me for followups and it happened very fast. Um, and I was also excited. Like I, I,
has always been a fan of entertainment and reality shows and then all of a sudden I'm on one and then next thing you know I've filmed three reality shows in one year and I become like sort of my identity goes from football player to reality television star and
I was running from my sexuality, so I was happy that my identity was tied into something other than people questioning me about that. For sure. So it was just a very, very fast, fast year. Were there ever any questions, like, during your football career of your sexuality? Oh, yes. I mean, not, like, nothing that, like...
Yeah. Yeah.
Like your own identity and what you were struggling with. Yeah. No one knew you were gay. No, I feel outside of our situation. I feel like I hit it pretty well. Um, I mean, I think, I think in the locker room I did a much, much better job. I'm not proud of it because like that means laughing at jokes that were at my community's expense and like contributing and being a part of the problem instead of the answer. And I think that's why now I'm so dedicated in trying to right those wrongs. But, um,
Yeah, I just really sort of hit it. And I think like a lot of people were confused when I came out of why I did what I did and why I dated so publicly. And it's like, I just truly believed that the more that I dated women and the further that I got along with them, the straighter I would become. Like, that's just sort of what I told myself and I committed to it. And yeah.
Emotions were still very real. When I was in a relationship with a woman, I was in it. It was still an emotional connection. So you did have the ability to feel that. But was it when things became sexual that you were like, I'm not... Or could you still... My gay best friend's like, I've slept with more women than I have men. I don't want to confuse the audience and get people like... But I do believe there's a scale. And I'm not like...
I identify as a gay man, but like there's that scale, right? Of like where, and I know people who are like, obviously bi, it could be 50-50s, you know, 60-40, like they're split. Yeah. I don't want to give a number because I don't want that to be headlines over anything else. But like my number is not 100%, right? Okay, I get that. But yeah.
So when you were doing The Bachelor, was, okay, were you, I can't remember, were you on The Bachelorette and then became The Bachelor? Yeah, so I did Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise, and then Bachelor. So who was The Bachelorette your season? Becca. Okay, it was Becca, yes. And how far did you make it to that? It was towards the end, right? I was in the final four. I got sent home right before Hometowns. Okay, was that a blessing?
Well, yes. Now I just like, I got wrapped into like, I just, I love the entertainment aspect of the world. So I was like, Oh, for sure. I'm making it to hometowns. They need my story. Like they're leaning into my virginity really heavily. Like they'll play this out. And then all of a sudden I'm like, okay, what, what, what now? And they're like, you have to go to paradise. And I was like, Oh, I couldn't think of like a worse situation. Yeah. And then you became the bachelor. Now was, was,
Okay. Was the, you being a virgin, was that a real narrative or was that a kind of cover for you and your sexuality? No, it was a real narrative that I actually honestly did not want out because like then it started giving people, they were poking holes and asking questions that I didn't want to have to answer. Like, I think the,
general fan base and population of the Bachelor franchise was confused why I was a virgin because like I gave sort of mixed answers because I didn't like I would be like it's I'm a man of faith and I'm saving myself but then I'm not saving myself and the right woman hasn't come on along yet and like all these random excuses that were making sense to nobody and I didn't want to have to keep talking about my virginity and
But it was very much at that time, as you can tell, you hung out with me in Vegas. I was not making any moves. There was nothing I didn't do. I was working with the right tools, guys. There was also a part of me that did not, I think conscious-wise, did not want to go there with a woman when I was still questioning my sexuality. That's what I was going to ask. Was that kind of, it was taken, yes, you are obviously a Christian and that is your faith.
Did you take it as like a way that that protected you? Because by being a virgin, you just, that's what it is. You just don't have sex before marriage, but really that protected you from having to really come to the realization or explain to people like, okay, I'm really into this and not that. Yeah. I mean, I will fully admit I hid behind my faith and I think a lot of people hide behind their faith and they're hypocritical and judgmental and all these things that you're not supposed to be when you're a Christian, but it's,
I definitely hid behind my faith. And at times I truly believed praying to God, making me to make me straighter was the answer. And it was where it was going to work. And then all of a sudden I get cast to be on the bachelorette. And I'm like, thank you for answering my prayers. Like this is such a strong opportunity for me to become straight. And then all of a sudden I became the bachelor and I'm like, Oh, that's really happening now. I'm becoming straighter. Like I can feel it. And yeah, it didn't happen. When did it finally hit you that like,
holy shit, what am I doing? Um, I really had in the pandemic, a super spiral. Yeah. Really, really bad. I don't even want to call it a weekend or a week. It was a really bad stretch of two months that were really hard. Um, I think the pandemic was hard on everyone, but especially you coming off of, cause what did the, that season of the bachelor, when did it air?
In 2019. So that was right when the pandemic was starting? Yeah, well, it was, yeah, towards the end. And I had a book coming out. And then like, I remember like my book tour got canceled because of the pandemic. And then it just basically running from myself had to stop at the pandemic because then all of a sudden everything shut down.
I wasn't filming any more TV shows. I couldn't go write another book. I couldn't throw my identity or like run to something else. I had to like, you had to, I had to stop and sit with it. And it was so uncomfortable. And I was really fucking up like in a lot of areas in my life and making mistakes and lashing out and acting like,
I was truly going crazy. Self-destruction. I was truly going crazy. It was not a healthy situation for me. Wow. Yeah. And so when you were on The Bachelor and you were filming that, was there ever a time that you were like...
What the hell am I doing? Of course. But like, how is The Bachelor, the lead of the franchise, supposed to say I'm questioning my sexuality to America? Like, that's not a popular thing to do. Did you ever say it to any producers? Any? No, that was a secret. That was a secret I thought I was going to die with. Like, there was no way that I was going to ever let them get that out of me. I have, you know,
Even before and during The Bachelor, I've had five therapists that never got, I was gay. Like, they never. Wow. So it took, and even post-Bachelor, it took two more different therapists to, like, finally, and it was a gay man himself who I finally confided in. But, like, it, yeah, it never happened. And so when you were on The Bachelor and you had, like, these overnight dates, how was that? Um...
I got in trouble. Like it became a media thing last time I talked about one of them. But like I tried to be... Not for that, for detail. No, I tried to be respectful. I mean, as you can imagine, and you got a little glimpse into my world, they were not super comfortable. I was trying to really... I was so torn. Like, do I, don't I...
am I being disrespectful to the woman? Am I being disrespectful to myself? Should I give this a shot? Should I not? And then on The Bachelor, specifically for Fantasy Suite dates, like I had at that point already sort of had my mind made up and knew where I was going and what I was pursuing. So it just felt disingenuine. And that was the hard part for me because I remember having
Oh, I want to make a good TV show. I want this to have good ratings. I want to do well for the ABC network. I want to really make this show something I'm proud of. Yeah. That was sort of my identity, right? Because it is a business.
It is a business thing. It is. And I think like, that's why I ended up getting cast for it because I said, I'm going to make a good TV show for you guys. Like, and like, I think they respected that versus somebody coming in and being like, I'm here for love. And it's like, no, like I'm here for business as well. Right. So I was like, let's, let's do it. Let's work together and hear my conditions, you know, and it worked out and I don't, yeah. I mean, it was challenging.
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WTR.com slash unlocked and use code unlocked for 15% off. What would you say is, do you regret being The Bachelor? Oh, yeah. I mean, I could regret so many different things in my lives, but I would say...
As much back and forth and things that have been said about me talking about the franchise, like I'm super grateful to them because I could either be closeted and in marriage or closeted and miserable and married possibly or dead. I mean, those are my, unfortunately my, my two truths of what my life sort of was projected to go. And then the bachelor franchise happened and
I couldn't run from it anymore, and I sort of got lost, and it was a challenging time, and I was forced to confront a lot of demons that I was holding on to. Wow. So you did struggle with... There had to have been a point where you were in such a deep depression. Oh, for sure. I mean, I had anxiety, paranoia, depression. I mean...
You name a lot of different things going on and I probably checked a lot of those boxes. And I've, what was even harder is like I had to do a lot of that alone because I couldn't let anybody in. I think the, you know, the first person that I told was my publicist because there was like these, this blackmail email and. That's what, that's where I was going to go next. Was there a moment where.
that you were forced into telling your story before you were ready? Yeah. I mean, there was an email that came to my foundation page. I remember claiming that they had photos of me alluding to the fact that I was gay and I was not ready. I was actually...
towards the bottom of my spiral, like still using medications and pro and I remember having to call my, I called my publicist and I lied to him immediately. I was like, they're not me, but I don't know. I'm going to forward you the email, take care of it. Like that's truly what I said. And then things started happening. Media started picking some things up. I,
Had to go back home and get help. And I gave, I remember like the moment I like went back, gave my dad my medications, moved back in with him. Went and got chucked into, you know, see a therapist and a psychologist and took care of, finally like took care of myself. And even in those moments, I didn't come out. Like, like even at like the moments where people are questioning, why are you doing this? I still wasn't coming out to people. And then finally my publicist called me back. I think it was like a month or two later after that.
And just said, what's going on? And I just remember feeling, you know, safe enough to just say, and he's, and he's like, you don't have to answer this, but I'm gonna ask you a question. Are you gay? And I was like, yes. For whatever reason, that was like the first time that I ever said it. Wow. And did you feel a sense of like,
Like weight just lifted off of you when you said yes. Oh, immediately. And then even when we hung up the phone, I like text him and I was like, please don't tell anybody. Like, you know, I was paranoid still. I was like, I don't like, I don't know what to do. Like, how does this work? Like, there's no roadmap here. I don't, you know, anything that was gay and around me and growing up or queer, I ran from, I didn't look in the direction. I didn't want to be educated on it. I didn't want to even be tempted to be gay. Yeah.
Wow. And see, and that's the sad part is because so right before you came, Lance Bass was on. And so Lance was telling me about when he first came out as being gay. He was at like in this city that was like, I guess, a big gay community. And he was at a club and he was standing in line at the bathroom. And he said, and this guy was like, oh, my God, you're Lance Bass. And he was like, yeah. And the guy was like, wait.
know you were gay and Lance was like yeah I am and it was a reporter that he told it to and then from that moment like tabloids started like calling his publicist and then he finally put it out on the cover of people that he was gay but it was before he was ever ready to come out and so when
obviously these articles started coming out. What was the big moment that you were like, I'm gay to the world? I think the biggest thing for me, like,
Like, how did you come out to everyone? Not that you ever should have to. Yeah. My, yeah, my, so my situation was complicated for many reasons, but I was working with a production company on another TV project that was led by two gay men. Was that the Netflix special? Yeah. They're the production company that ended up doing my Netflix show, but this was a completely different show that we were working on and we were already filming some things and the blackmail email came in.
I approached him and said, hey, I'm not healthy. I'm taking some steps back. I'm going to go back in Colorado. So all of that's going on. They called me and they're like, hey, we have enough pieces of the puzzle to put together what's going on here. And we just want you to know we're here to support you. And if you ever want to revisit working together, like I would love to revisit it with you.
And I didn't think too much of it. I was primarily focused on getting healthy. And I was back in Colorado, so I wasn't even in L.A. to meet with them.
And then I had to come back out here for something and ended up meeting with them. And then they basically were like, would you like to help people? And like, would you be comfortable documenting this? And at first I said, I didn't think it was right. I didn't know. I was not ready. And then time went by and it was sort of a yes thing. And then the more I talked with the, spoke with the production company, I decided to come out on Good Morning America more public because I just didn't want to
I remember that. It was that morning on Good Morning America. And remember, Em, I think I sent you the link or something. And I was like, I literally said it to her. I was like, told you so. Yeah, I know. You're right. I love you. It took a while to get there. But that's awesome, though. Did you feel that moment? You had to have been so excited.
Coming from your football background, Christian background. Yeah. Because Christians, I say, can be the worst when it comes to a topic like this. Totally. I was excited for that. I think at that point I had already come out to my family. I'd already come out to my close friends.
And I wanted to make sure that the news was getting out from me and not from tabloids and people. So that you can tell your own story. Yeah, and I know a lot of people had a lot to say of why I was doing it so publicly. But it's like, if you had been through what I had gone through the last year of having tabloids and these nasty headlines written about me...
I think a lot of people would have done the same thing of being wanting to tell their own story and like the truth of it versus like letting them put pieces together and make things up. And what would you say to the people? Because I remember that was a big thing. I think when you came out, the Netflix series, all of that, people saying that you were trying to just profit off of other people's hurt from The Bachelor and like you're profiting while other people are hurting. Yeah. I mean, that was...
I didn't even think about that perspective, to be honest with you. I was just sort of going along and filming and truly with my intentions of being like, this can help a lot of young people in middle America. Yeah. I mean, there is zero representation in our sports culture. I shouldn't say zero, but there's very few representations of the queer community in sports and having that background and
I just thought that it was a thing that could help people. And I also like, I got to a point where I was humble and took a step back and said, okay, they have a point. I see what they mean. I haven't put any work in. I just sort of came out. But I felt like I was like the new kid on playground that was like so excited to be there and nobody wanted to play with me. You know, I came out and I was like, finally, I can be free. And then all of a sudden it's like,
All these queer publications were calling me garbage and didn't have nice things to say. And I'm just like, oh, this is not fun either. Like, what do I do? And why were they? Why was that perspective? Was that their perspective because they thought you were trying to profit off of it? I think it was a mix. I get why people like.
don't understand me or like they think I'm a walking contradiction. Yeah. Like I, I'm, I'm a living walking mess. Like that has to do with people pleasing though. Oh, for sure. Because you're such a people pleaser that you want to, you never want to hurt anyone totally. But in the process you hurt everyone, including yourself because you're not staying true and authentic to truly what makes you happy.
Right on. Yeah. I think that's, that's a lot to do with a lot of it is I try to make sure everybody's happy with all of the decisions that I'm making, even if I'm not happy with them. Because it's like, this is what's better for everybody else. And then it's like, well, you know, for the first time, you know, I took all of last year pretty much off professionally. And I was just like, I wanted to sit with like, what's healthy and what's good for me. Yeah.
And now I have a little bit more clarity for... That's amazing. Yeah. That's amazing. And so to the people, have you gotten to the point like in your process to where you have apologized to people that maybe you hurt along the way that were just kind of a product of... They just happened to get destroyed in the midst of you finding yourself? Yeah. I don't think I've ever like publicly come out and made it a big deal. I think I've more so...
I more so want my actions to speak louder than any apology or anything that I can say to the mass people who had a problem with me or still do.
I'm getting down to like the root of why I made the mistakes that I made and why I went down the path that I went. And I'm trying to get back to mental health reform in D.C. and protect college athletes and create a safe space. I really view myself as a bridge to the conservative community. I feel like that is something that I'm really trying to take on and find pride and ownership in right now is that.
I feel like I can hopefully be disarming when it comes to conversations that a lot of people that are- That are uncomfortable with. That are conservative or Republican do not know how to ask or approach and they're a little off putted by. And I feel like I want to serve as that bridge because I really want to understand what their thought process is so that I can help educate and just like show that there's a community of people that
are not harmful at all. And if anything, just want to live their life in peace and not have you up in their business. I think that's to answer your question. I I'm more than happy to say, you know, I'm so sorry to all those people, but I think there's a lot of actions that I can do first and foremost that would prove that versus any lip service that I can give. That's awesome. Well, yeah. Cause actions speak louder than words. Yeah. And too. So you spoke about what you're doing with mental health because mental health was a huge thing for you.
Yeah, it was. And that's a whole, been a whole journey still ongoing and still a work in progress. And I mean, I know this is, you're interviewing me, but I would like to also give you a lot of credit too, because it's been awesome to watch you as a sister and to support your family as humbly and just as classy as you have. Because as someone who's been in the circuit of the media before and had stories and headlines that
weren't completely true out there. It's hard. It's difficult. And I think you've done a really good job and I love watching you be an older sister. You're incredible. Thank you. I mean, obviously your relationship with Chase is complicated, but also...
Yeah, very much so. But your family has always been so good to me. And I also wanted to say that too. It's like the text messages from Todd when there was, I think, some random headline. He said, he didn't even say anything. He's like, are you okay? He truly just texted me and was like, are you okay?
I was like, thanks for checking in. Like this is, I was not expecting your name to pop up on my phone. I don't realize how much a text message like that goes when you're just at the bottom of the bottom. And like I've had, when everything started coming out about my family and the harsh headlines, I was like, these people have no idea. And then I would get a text message from someone that was just like,
you don't have to respond. Just know that like, I love you and I'm thinking about you. Yeah. And you have no idea like that when it comes at the perfect time, it can literally save someone's life. Totally. Yeah. And, and also it could give them hope that like, it's not all doom and gloom. And,
I think that's an important perspective that I always keep in mind when people ask me how X, Y, or Z or whatever celebrity is. I'm like, that person has always treated me with kindness, love, and support. And like, that's all I can say. Like, say whatever you want to say. Say whatever you want to say. Here's what I'm going to say is the Chrisley family has been very, very nice and supportive and lovely to me. And even my brother. Like, Connor loves y'all too. Like, Connor had such a fun weekend. I love Connor.
you guys probably had more chemistry than, than I did with you. And he's, he was married at the time. So, but anyway, yeah, he's really, he's like the sweetest human being. I know he married his high school sweetheart. He loves his, like, he just, it's a very private, he just thinks everything I do is so silly and not work. And like, he loves to say, I don't have a job and I'm just like, great. That's amazing. But what you're,
you're doing now though, it's truly making a difference because you were just in Washington, DC. Yeah. And can you explain that initiative a little bit? Yeah. So we introduced a bill, um, to members of Congress and to some senators called the teams act it's targeting emotional and mental stability. Um, so we're going to be hopefully taking that bill out, uh,
Right now, and it's a bipartisan issue that both parties have agreed on, which is really cool to see. That's awesome. But basically, it's a grant program to allow these student athletes at university access to resources and care for their mental health. Just like somebody who goes out there on a Saturday, tears their ACL on the football field, has a surgery and a game plan put together.
I want that same care and I want that same effort and focus on somebody who walks into their coach and says, I have anxiety. I have an eating disorder. I have depression. I have something that is invisible to you, but it's really affecting me to the point of suicide. And I think that's my mission right now is to help people and also give back to like that sport community and also my queer community who struggles in those locker rooms. Yeah. And to normalize that.
That it's okay to not be okay. And normally, and it's my therapist said it best. She was like Savannah. She was like, depression doesn't look the same for everyone. Some people lay in bed all the time. Some people can't get up. Some people cry. Some people get angry. She was like, you are just very high functioning. She was like, there's high functioning depression to where no one would ever know. But when you're by yourself,
It all hits. And especially during COVID, the amount of high functioning people that, you know, started committing suicide, attempted suicide. Literally, my therapist was like, I've had doctors, lawyers, doctors,
athletes, all these people that have tried committing suicide. And it's just looked upon like, oh, you're successful. You've got a great career. You've got no reason to be depressed. Right. And these athletes, I mean, you're seeing more and more of it committing suicide that you would have never known, but maybe they just didn't have a safe place to go to. Yeah. I think so. I took a group of athletes with me to DC this last time just to share their stories with, with Congress. And, um, you know, one of them put it so beautifully, um,
and I'm going to probably butcher it, but she just said so many people are suffering in silence that I'm willing to be loud about my history because it can save at least one life. And I think like that's the truth right now is there's so many people suffering silently, whether it's in regards to addiction or their sexuality or being judged. We, you know, I don't think our human brain was built to scroll all day and see other people's lives and hear other people's opinions. So now
We have to like fix that. There's like pros and cons, right? Like I love the fact that I can get a lot of work done on my phone, but at the same time, when that work is being done at nine 30 at night, or, you know, you're laying in bed and you let people into your bedroom, um,
to judge you like not physically, but you know, it's such a real, so like those are habits that me and my partner are working on too, is like when we wake up, we don't want to like scroll first thing in the morning. We don't, we keep our phone on airplane mode in the bedroom now, like, cause we don't want the world in our, in our space. Like that is, that is our space and it's for nobody else to enter. So then we start our day outside of the bedroom. So yeah, that is awesome. I love that. Healthy habits. Exactly. Healthy habits. And too, I have to say like hearing you speak,
it truly is such a motivation to me. And it's, it's like, you know, when you get those signs from God, that's like, all right, you're on the right path. Yeah. And just hearing you and how far you've come. And the fact that you were just in front of Congress is such a huge thing because that's how I've been about what's going on with my family. Like if I can, I'm willing to be as loud as I can possibly be. If it means something,
making one person's life better. If it means the people in our system that are being raped and abused by people of power, if it means saving those people, then I've done something right. Yeah. And I think it's important to just my two cents on it for you is like totally realizing it might not benefit your situation, your family, or your, the outcome of what's going on in your life right now. But
your intent was never that your intent is to help a group of people in the future. And I think like, as long as you remain true to those, those goals and those missions. And then also for me too, like I realized this in my last year, like I'm going to fall short at times of my goals. I'm going to fall short of like what I want and who I want to be. But like, instead of letting that take me back, I learned from it and try to strap back on and go again. Exactly. Well, and that's how I kind of look at it is like,
I know my mother and father are sitting in federal prisons, but, and I also know how they're treated and the mistreatment and just the conditions as a whole. And I think to myself, how many other mothers, fathers, daughters, sons are sitting in those same facilities that no one has a platform to be able to speak up and speak against it or people that are afraid to do it.
And for me, I'm like, you know what, regardless of whether this changes my parents' situation or not, if I can save another child from feeling how I've been made to feel, then it's all worth it. Well, good for you. And you're doing it with such leadership. And like I said before, it's been really, if there's any silver lining, it's watching you be the best sister you can be and best family member you can be to your family. Because you're really like, I just...
I feel like since watching you on TV and then also like getting to know your family, like you guys are glue. Oh, we are. You're all up in each other's business, whether it's good or bad. So like it should be no different in this case. And like, it's fun and exciting and motivating also for me to watch you fight like hell for your family. Cause I think that is a really important thing for people out there to see. Yeah. Like fight for the people you love. Doesn't matter what it looks like. Doesn't matter the people on the outside that are like, Oh, maybe you shouldn't do this for business that,
No, screw you. When it comes to my family, like I don't care how it affects my business. I don't care because I stand by what's right. And that's really where I'm at is like I don't put all political things aside. Stand by what's right and, you know, you can have a clean conscience. Yeah.
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And so, okay. So we've talked about kind of your, where you were at and like a darker place in life. And now I love following you and seeing all the happy things that you post. Yeah. I think it's amazing. So you are engaged. I am. Yes. And how does it feel? It's incredible. Like it's been truly the best. I think we're going on two years now. I lost track of time. I can't say that about a lot of
things of the last few years. Like it's, it's been magical. And I, I'm obviously, I was in a very privileged and lucky position to be able to truly take a year to where I can work on myself and my relationship and give all of that, the energy and focus that it needs. But I just feel like I'm, he makes me the best version of myself. I'm the most authentic version of myself. I learned more about what love is and like what it should be. And yeah,
It sounds so corny, but like when I met him, like I knew immediately and I was like, oh, this is, this is it. Like there is no, there is no grasses greener. There is no like approach where I like want to be. Everybody and their mom was telling me to go play the field, like download the apps, go hook up, like go have a good time. And I'm just like, I have an incredible man in front of me who's like everything that I, if I like was to write out on paper what I wanted, it's him. Yeah.
Why would I go do that? You know, and like, I like to say, I was like, even when I was straight, that was never my MO either. Yeah. You found out. So I was like, you know, that's, that's my whole thing is like, I was never, that's not how I date. And also if I could take anything from the bachelor franchise, I dated with intent.
Every single time I dated. And like, that's what I'm always grateful to them for too, is they like truly weirdly taught me how to like go on a date and connect and communicate with someone without distractions. Yeah. And so what is, what's the age difference between you two? He likes to say nine months and, or not nine years and two months. I just say 10 years. I just say 10 years. See, but that's great though. Also because
With everything that you've been through, like, I mean, heck, like I say it all the time. I like older men. So 10 years, nothing. We're on the same page there. Same page. But you also are, I will, like you're mature for your age. You had to grow, you had to grow up quicker than most. Yes, exactly. And so for that, I'm like, I need someone who can have a tough conversation who has been through trauma. Like, I'm sorry, but if you've got a dollhouse life, I don't want you.
It's boring too. It is because I like to have those tough in-depth conversations and I want someone who knows more than I know. Yeah. Such a good point. Like I want someone smarter than me. I want someone. Yeah. You want a teammate. Yeah, exactly. So what would you say was, was that like at first, was it like, Whoa, he's 10 years older or did you? Oh no. Like, I mean, it's so funny. Cause like you come out and
The LGBTQ plus community is always like, no labels. Like, come on. And like the first thing they did when I came out was like, what's your type? Daddies. Like, and they immediately labeled like the category that I like. So I was like, sure. Um, just to please everybody here. Daddies is my type. Um, and I found the daddiest of them all. We're like, we're more similar than we think. Totally. Yes. This is, this is, we're more meant to be like best friends than we were a date. Um, but yeah, so that's exactly,
Exactly what I said. But yeah, it's a really good match. And I feel like, yeah, I'm an old soul. So we connect on a deeper level. See, and that's the thing. I'm like, when you have that emotional connection, there's nothing in the world that can top that. Totally. Nothing. And for me, I don't know if it's because all the trauma in my life, but...
I have to be emotionally connected to you to be physically connected to you. Yeah. Like it does. You could be the hottest person in the world, but if something emotionally is not clicking, I can't get there with you. Can't fake it. I know that with you. You can't fake it. Can I ask what your status is right now? I cannot fake it. It's amazing.
I'm dating someone. Oh, congrats. Yeah. Good. And you're not faking it. You're happy. I'm not faking it. I'm not a lesbian. Great. I'm, you know, no, no bones about it. No shade if you were. No. Hey, you know, sometimes I thought maybe it would be easier, but yeah, I mean, I can, I can vouch. It's way easier being gay. I love it. Okay. Who knows?
knows. No. Well, I'm happy for you. Good. Yeah. So, you know, it's just right now, like, you know, I got two kids tagging along with me. So yeah. Take your time. Be patient. And it's not public then, right? No, not really, but keep my, keep it to yourself. That's what we did until we got outed. Don't you think though? Like, okay, let me ask you that. Do
When it comes to like part of me, that's what I struggle with is like for the next relationship. I'm like, I want to keep it as private as possible until literally like I get engaged and then here you go. Yeah. And I would say that is the healthiest and best thing you can do, but also be prepared for the noise that my problem before I finished, I thought my problem with reality TV is I
when I came out and people gave me their opinions is like, they're like, this comes with the territory of being a reality star. I was like, I didn't sign up. I didn't sign up to be harassed or bullied or like, like two years after the show that I did. Like, I get it that I like, it worked in that moment, but like, this isn't cute now. So that's where I stand with it. But I will say like, what makes Jordan the best partner for me is he's very, very good at
to me of being like, hey, let's keep this for ourselves. Like, let's set these boundaries when it comes to our relationship. Let's talk about X, Y, and you can talk about you. You have your career. I have mine. I don't want to be in your world. If you want to be in mine, great. Like, come back and we'll figure out how to work together on some things. But like,
I just do not feel comfortable being in the public. And I was like, great. That's actually really, really healthy for me right now and still is. And I think that that's sort of the attitude that I'm going to be taking. But my advice to you is like, just keep some moments for yourself. For sure. Because I think that's the hard part is, and you do get wrapped up in this world of like, because you listen to people who are like. It's validation. You want people to like the person that you're dating because then it validates to you that you like are in the right relationship. Exactly.
And two, you kind of fall into that. Well, you're on reality TV. This is your life. You owe it to us all. Right. So then you're like, okay, crap. Maybe they're right. Maybe I do owe it to them. But now I'm to the point where I'm like, okay, letting the world in and just ruins everything because it,
Maybe if they hit on something you're insecure about, are they? And people love to build people up just to tear them down. Correct. So that's kind of, I'm like, you know what? Maybe I just shocked the shit out of people. And like, I'm just married one day and I'm like, here you go. Do it. Yes. That is the attitude you need to have is like, fuck everyone here. I'm going to go like date for whatever. I got engaged after like seven months. Okay. So when that happened, were you like...
Did you know what was happening? Oh, no. I don't even, I haven't really talked to much about the engagement. Um, but I had no, I had no clue. I hadn't, we had had conversations very, very early on that. Like, I was like, this is it. Like, this is sort of a no brainer. Like our connection is insane. I'm like, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you know,
I think he also had some hesitations where he was like, I don't know if he's quite ready yet. But like, also I was telling him like, yes, I am. And he, he trusted me. Um, and yeah. And then he proposed and it was a magical, incredible moment. I love that. His heart was beating. It was intense and, and was great. It felt so right. I love that. Yeah. Okay. So obviously, um,
You are getting married, all those things. Have you spoken about kids? We have. Okay. Yeah. And what are your viewpoints on that? Well, I would, I would say this, the main three things that held me back from coming out were my sports, my, um, oh gosh. So my sports, my faith and me wanting to be a dad. Those were like the three concerns that I had of coming out.
So I've really educated myself and there's not a ton of information out there for same sex couples to have access to for fertility. Um, but we've definitely discussed it and we're coming up with it. And it's something that I'm, I would be willing to discuss openly to the public like that would let those people into my life of that journey just because there's so limited, um, knowledge and knowledge out there for same sex couples and how it works and, and
Oh, gosh. It was crazy. Lance was literally walking me through the process and was like, Savannah, like you literally get a book like all about someone and like everyone from like their great, great grandparents. And he was like, it's the craziest, most amazing thing ever.
Yeah. It's also really intense. Yeah. And nobody wants to talk about that either. No. And I get why. You know, you're choosing for men, us men, you're choosing from 20 to 26. Like, because that's the healthy prime egg donation. Oh!
I know. I know. I'm sorry. That's what the doctor says. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. No, it is so. That's why like, I'm like. When they told us that I was like, wait, we have to choose our biological DNA based off of a 21, 22, 23 year old resume. Like they're in college. Yeah. It's crazy though. But that's so true. Like I'm literally about to get my eggs frozen. So I'm like, I,
would rather have like 25 year old eggs than 30 year old eggs. Like that's literally what a doctor told me. They're like, by the time you're 30, your fertility decreases by half. They're so nonchalant about it too. They just talk like statistics and numbers and you're just like, yeah, this is a human being and a baby that I want to have. Like what? Yes, exactly. So, okay. So you both are on the same page of wanting kids. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I love that. I think he's going to be, he's going to be an incredible, incredible dad. That is.
That is awesome. And I have faith in myself too. You're going to be freaking awesome. I want to be like a, you know, a fun dad. I want to be able to. You want to be like the fun, young, hot dad. Yeah. Adilf. Yes, exactly. Hey, we all love a good Dilf. Yeah. I want to be Adilf. Just saying. That is awesome though. It's so cool though to see, like you are a completely different person. Yeah. Now than you were when I first met you. Totally.
Totally. I've been through some shit. Yeah. Like you just seem like just so much calmer and happier and not so like uptight, you know? Well, I don't have a secret that I'm holding onto anymore. And that was a big, big secret. I always like, even that night I wrote, like I would never get drunk because I was so afraid if I got drunk, I would come out.
So like there was so many compartments that I had to like, that is so true. Cause I didn't want like, I didn't want to, you know, get wasted and then go back up to the room and then you're just like, so what's the deal? And I'm like nonchalant and be like, and I'm gay, you know, like not that that would ever happen, but I feared that it would. Oh my gosh. No. Okay. I mean with you too, we'd get to just be like girl chat. Yeah. Literally. Okay. Colton.
I've got to try to find this video because it actually like popped up on my Snapchat not long ago when I saved it. And it's a video of you and I from that night. And the best part now looking at it, we're both like strutting down the hallway and I'm like, we not know he was gay then. Well, these are great memories. Funniest and greatest video. I just have to like, Oh gosh, I can find it. It will be hilarious. I remember saving it. Yeah.
It is. You sent it to Emily immediately and you were just like, told you. Told you. Look, he skipped down the halls of the MGM. What's even funnier though is I call my husband and I'm like, I just had the best night of my life and he doesn't like him. She must be crazy. Yeah. We hung at the blackjack table and I remember Emily was like, she's at some party. And I was like, cool. I'm like, this blackjack dealer's hot.
Yeah, it was great. We had so much fun. Y'all, I have to find this. Because I just saved it just like the other day because it popped up. It was, yeah. Oh, I guess. I guess so. No, remember, Emily took a picture of him that night. Yes. Yes.
Yes, I was on your show. Yeah, because I was so paranoid of being on the red carpet with your family at all. But we sat together at the show. Yes, we sat together. And there was like some cuts of like when they broadcasted it. Yeah. Like quick passes. You and I were back out in the closet asking.
We did. Yeah. I went back out after all the media press were gone. Something. Yeah. We took some pictures. We got to find all the internet. Oh, yeah. They're going to make for good. Okay. Camera roll. And maybe on this one. I want to say, too, like, I had some, like, questionable boot choices at that time that you could have been like...
Yo, he's for sure. What the hell? He's for sure. I love you. I was really leaning into like just exploring all my fashion choices. Okay. I'm going to find this video and we're going to put it in because it's hilarious. We're both like strutting down the hall. Yeah. Cause what? It was a Florida Georgia line concert. No, it was like everybody. It was everyone. It was everybody. It was the CMA awards. So there was like. ACM awards. No, no, the ACM awards. But then we went to the party the night before or after. Yes.
Yes. At the beach club. Yes. And too, let me just tell you, it was real awkward. Cause there was also a country music artist that was real big time back then. And I was also talking to, so we're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I messed that one up for you.
Hey. You know how crazy this world is? You really didn't. Because Chris Lane, we ran into Chris Lane too. Yes. And now he's dating a bachelor. I was like, it's like full circle. Our whole world is so incestual. It is. Well, they're married now and have like two kids. Yeah. Yeah. They seem super happy. I know. This always smells like pine. She said, get out the chat room and clean mine. Fine.
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Oh, it's like she never talks about her bachelor experience. A lot of people don't. Yeah. You know, it's just... Also, I have respect for people because I will say...
It pisses me off to see these people go on these dating shows and like get the same amount of followers that I've worked for 10 years for in a matter of like five minutes. Yeah. You don't even have to work for that shit. I know. So it's like, be grateful for a platform that got you that. Totally. Totally. It's a, it's definitely a hand that, but don't bite the hand that feeds you. But at the same time, I will say, I'll combat you just there is like,
There is a lot of... For a lot of the leads, there's a lot of things that just are hard to deal with. Yeah. It's hard to process. You do not have the support... Coming off of the show, and maybe this will be my next thing after Athletes, I think there should be a writer attached to every unscripted TV agreement for a year's worth of therapy. Because a lot of these reality TV stars...
these production companies, these networks, these streamers come in and fuck your life up. And sometimes, fuck your life up in the best way. But then they just sort of throw you to the wolves and are like, learn. Go hire a publicist. Go hire a manager. You sign to an agency.
And also you're dealing with people coming at you on social media, being in the headlines, having paparazzi outside of your house when something goes wrong in your life. And there's like, what are you not supposed to pick up the phone and call an executive producer? They don't have the best interest in for you. You have to. That's the last thing they want to deal with. I had a crazy stalker situation. When I tell you crazy, like he had a rap sheet a mile long, had everything.
abused women had like, it was bad. And you know, he had raped someone, but he was out of prison. It was really interesting. And he's like writing me letters front and back, then gets out and starts texting me, calling me. He's coming to get me all these things. And I'm like,
If it wasn't for the show, I wouldn't have this. Like you guys need to have security until we figure out what the heck's going on with that. But the moment it starts costing them money, they don't want to help you. Right. And it's like, you are benefiting from me. You're making money off of me. So at least help me in my mental health. Totally. You have to take care. You're not going to. And that's what I, I said, I was like, you said to somebody in the show, I don't know who it was. I was like, you're not going to have a show in a few years if nobody,
is there like because they're battling depression anxiety and they keep having these this tension with your company so I don't know yeah it's it's a I think that's a great thing though to bring into it because mental health as you know is a real thing I struggle with it ever like having the world coming at you is so difficult and these shows should be like
production companies, networks should be held accountable. Yeah. I mean, I don't remember exactly the dollar figure, but I was like, you know, they don't pay the leads a whole ton. I think it's public information by this time, but like the networks make a lot of money off of those. Oh yeah. You make a couple hundred thousand dollars and they're making millions of dollars. Yes. And then it's just, you know, onto the next and then they sort of get butt hurt. If you go with another network or you're on doing another project that's not incorporated with them. And it's like,
I don't know. I just think it's healthier that we went our separate ways. I think, you know, that's just, that's life and that's business, right? Not all relationships are meant to last. And, you know, I was not the first, will not be the last. There's going to be more people thrown into that machine and spit out. And I wish them all the best. And I want them to all get good therapists. Yeah.
I love that. Okay. So the one question I want to end on that I love asking people is what do you want to be remembered for? Oh gosh. I think I want to be remembered for something that hasn't yet happened in my life. I just want like something, I feel like there's still more that I can give, um, more experiences that I can go through. I, I feel like
Something about me being a father and a good dad and hopefully raising good human beings into this world should be my legacy more than any like memes or awards or TV shows or contracts. I just want to like I want to put good human beings on this earth because I think we need more of them.
I love that. And see, and that's how you know you're supposed to be a dad. Yeah. With that being your response. Yeah. I, and I, yeah, I can't, I can't wait. I love that. Well, thank you. If I can get pregnant right now, I would, I would get pregnant. Like I want to be pregnant. I could see it. I know, but it can't happen. Those women who carry for us gay men are saints. Yes. And
incredible. And I cannot say thank you enough to all of the surrogates out there. That's amazing. I love that. Well, thank you for taking the time to do that. Thanks for having me on. This is lovely. I'm so happy we got to like, do you have room for another gay bestie? Cause I do. I've got room for him. Awesome. Come on. Love it.
Pick up that glass of Pinot Grigio, your drink of choice, and come have some fun with us on Turtle Time. We're going to do more than just drink and party on this podcast, Mom. I know, I know. Okay, if you don't know who I am, well, I'm Ramona Singer, and that's my daughter, Avery. And you probably know us best from The Real Housewives of New York. And now you'll get to know us even better on our podcast, Turtle Time. Let's make more iconic moments together every Wednesday. It's Turtle Time.
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