Monologue: Exploring Spiritual Enlightenment and Mystical Experiences 41:26

If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up till the seas orphans through narrow chains of his coven. From William Blake The Marriage of Heaven and Hell Kia ora, ni hao and hello. Welcome to the Chiwi Journal Podcast special episode

I am your host, Camille Liang. In recent years, I've noticed a collective shift in the people around me. We've been diving into key topics that challenge traditional worldviews and values. Concepts such as meditation, metaphysics, and the power of myth have taken center stage. There is a growing recognition of the limitation of reason and scientific rationalism.

and a newfound embrace of religions, rituals, and spiritual enlightenment. It's as if humanity is awakening to a deeper understanding of existence. Despite the advancement of technology enhancing our lives, there is a palpable sense of discontent.

Perhaps we've grown weary of a system that prioritizes efficiency and profit over spiritual fulfillment. Maybe our collective consciousness has reached a tipping point, urging us to seek meaning beyond the material. Last year, I've personally experienced inexplicable visions that challenge the bounds of science.

Those experiences have reinforced my belief in the vastness of the universe and the limitations of human cognition. In this episode, I will share glimpses of my journey from childhood to the present. Consider this is a preliminary draft with more stories and details to come.

So, sit back, relax and join me as we explore the mystery of the soul. It all began with a television infomercial from my childhood. When I was in 4th grade, I would come home after school, turn on the TV and be bombarded by an advertisement for a pink multifunctional kitchenware called Bao Mami.

As a young and inexperienced individual, I was deeply impressed by the salesperson's pitch. Believing that Bo Mami was like Doraemon's pocket, capable of producing delicious dishes with minimal effort, I persistently pasteurized my parents to buy one for our home.

However, my parents were not easily swayed by TV infomercials and naturally they refused my request. I then began to pray to the Buddha statue in our home. To my surprise, within a few days, someone gifted us a Baomami to my family. It was from that point that I developed a strong interest in Buddhism.

especially the Siddhartha Gautama statue my aunt got from the Famen Temple in China, as it seemed like a magical artifact that could fulfill my desires. In addition to my early exploration of Buddhism, my affinity for philosophy also began to manifest.

I remember discovering a book on my father's bookshelf titled Nietzsche, I'm the Song. I avidly read it and the book's cover left a lasting impression. However, as I grew older, I could never find that book again. When I asked my father about it,

He mentioned that he did have such a book but couldn't recall who he had lent it to. As I later researched, I discovered that the earliest edition of Nietzsche and the Song was published in 2012, but I had definitely read it around 2004. Well, I remembered the content. The timeline didn't align.

and the physical copy of that book seemed to have disappeared. It's a mystery to my family. When I was 10 years old, an event occurred that would change my life. I vividly recall one Saturday in October when, as usual, my mother left for work early in the morning. I was half awake and still in bed.

Normally, I would say goodbye to my mother as she left. But on that day, for some inexplicable reason, I said, "Mom, not goodbye." It was a day filled with chaos and tragedy in my hometown of Jinan. An overloaded truck lost control of its brakes on a steep slope during the evening rush hour.

This lead to a massive collision involving at least 14 vehicles including my mother's car. The impact wasn't limited to just the vehicles, but pedestrians, cyclists and motorcyclists nearby were also caught up in the chaos, resulting in casualty.

When my father received a call from the hospital informing him that my mother was in a critical condition, he initially thought it might be a prank. Only after several calls did he realize that something terrible had happened, and he rushed into the hospital, taking me along. The hospital was chaotic, filled with injured individuals and deceased.

My father was busy with paperwork and couldn't attend to me, leaving me to wander around in the hospital. During this time, I saw my mother covered in a blood-soaked sheath, continually telling me that both her legs were broken. It was the first time I had ever seen so much blood, injured individuals and even dead people in one place.

After numerous major and minor surgeries, my mom was eventually saved. Some spiritual people in my hometown talked about how my unconventional farewell message had potentially saved my mother. Later, my grandfather consulted the I Ching, the Book of Change, and examined my birth chart, leading to a changing in my Chinese name.

Before the name change, my birth chart indicated a weak connection with my mother and my previous name seemed to have a detrimental influence on my parents. After the name change, my personality underwent a complete transformation, shifting from a timid young girl to a more extroverted and assertive individual.

Additionally, my financial and romantic perspective improved and I have never worried about money or my relationship, especially with boys since that moment. Fast forward to 2017, by then, my prefrontal cortex should have fully developed and I found myself caught in an existential crisis.

Despite a successful career and a flourishing love life, I inexplicably fall into a state of depression and experience physical illness and two panic attacks. Fortunately, under the influence of Ray Dalio and Tim Ferriss, I enroll in the Transcendental Meditation course, officially starting my meditation journey.

TM is a meditation technique that is relatively easy to pick up. The teacher provides me with a mantra, a meaningful sound or word serving as an anchor for concentration. And I'm required to practice meditation twice a day for 20 minutes each session. In the meantime,

I participate in a lot of yoga, meditation courses and retreats in Tibet, Bali and in England, which laid a solid foundation for my spiritual journey. Please refer to the show notes for more details about my meditation practice in written form. Let me share another story.

I found I am someone who is easily influenced by the environment and is highly sensitive to the energies around me. I remember one time on a train, when as it approached a station, I suddenly felt nauseous and dizzy. As the train got closer to the platform, my discomfort intensified. When the doors opened and a passenger stepped onto the train,

I feel like I was about to faint. I stumbled towards the door and quickly got off the train to escape. Strangely, as soon as I got off the train, I felt significantly better. And when the train departed from the platform, I immediately returned to normal. It was from that moment on that I started actively observing the energies around me and believing in my intuition.

Whether it's people or destinations, if my body gives me signals, I will always trust my intuition, abandoning the analysis of my rational mind. This shift in mind-sight was influenced by my decision to leave my corporate jobs in New Zealand on two occasions. My body sent me signals to warn me I need to quit, but at the beginning,

I didn't pay attention. We tend to prioritize our intellectual pursuits over our physical and emotional well-being, relying heavily on our brains while ignoring the message our consciousness and feelings convey. Furthermore, societal norms place significant emphasis on the value of being rational.

which often results in individuals surprising their emotions and dependencies to conform to those expectations. However, this inclination towards rationality can limit the depth of our interactions with the world and with others. Existence is a dynamic process.

While our left hemisphere of our brain, responsible for rational thought, plays a crucial role in processing information, it is essential to recognize that the right hemisphere associated with sensibility is equally or even more important. By actively engaging all our senses with the world around us,

we can dive deeper into the essence of existence. This concept of interconnectedness, often described as oneness, has been articulated by numerous ancient saints and philosophers from the East.

Underscoring the profound wisdom in embracing the holistic approach to understanding ourselves and our place in the world. In 2019, I left New Zealand and moved to the UK to start a new chapter as a digital nomad. One reason for choosing the UK was my passion for football.

Another reason was my major in English literature during university. I feel compelled to visit places where literary gems had once trodden and to experience the land favored by the muse.

As I wandered through the Blounte sisters' formal residence and stayed in a 17th-century guesthouse with a view of the Blounte sisters' graves across the street, I often felt like I was possessed by their spirits. For seven days, I rolled crazily, and within 30 days, I completed my first English novel.

During my two years in the UK, I also experienced a strong desire to write. I not only started a weekly Chinese newsletter but also launched an English newsletter and two English podcasts. It's safe to say that each place has its specific energy field and sometimes changing your environment can open new doors.

In June 2021, I attended an online salon hosted by Jim O'Shaughnessy. At that time, in a Zoom call with over 100 participants, I found my avatar with Jim O'Shaughnessy on my left and a very knowledgeable guy on my right. Little did I know that a year later, Jim would recruit me into his new company, O'Shaughnessy Venture.

and I would become friends and record two podcast episodes with the guy on my right. His name is Tom Morgan. I couldn't help but think everything makes sense when you look back and connect the dots. Those two figures who are both mentors and friends played a crucial role in my spiritual enlightenment journey.

I highly recommend following them on X and their email subscription and podcast. I'll put the links into the show notes. During the same year, I had my first psychedelic experience with the Grandfather Plant, St. Pedro, at the Lighthouse Retreat Center in Portugal. Two trips in four days let me see the themes that constantly haunted my mind.

time, space, reality, and dreams. Language often falls short when attempting to capture the truly magnificent and overwhelming experience of psychedelics. However, one of my favorite writers, Aldous Huxley's The Doors of Perception: Heaven and Hell, beautifully articulates this sentiment.

I highly recommend diving into it for deeper understanding. Additionally, I've created a Twitter thread featuring books that provide rich portrayals of profound insights similar to those found in Hexley's work. Please refer to the show notes for access to this collection. In 2022, I had my first experience with Ayahuasca.

the most powerful plant medicine in a remote part of Portugal. Before I took this sacred plant, I set my intention to uncover the truth about our existence. But I didn't realize how tough this journey would be. As I sipped the thick brown liquid, a surge of energy coursed through my body.

The initial effects were overwhelming and I struggled to maintain my composure. I closed my eyes and found myself in another world. Everything looked like a series of those intricate codes, like the basic building blocks of reality. It was as if I could peek behind the scenes of the universe. At first, seeing the world like that was overwhelming.

it was like the curtain had been put back and i could see the truth behind everything i could see how everything in the world was connected like a messy vibe of cause and effect and i would hear ayahuasca talking to me not in any language but in a way that i could understand upon closer examination

I realized those codes were at the core of our thoughts, emotions and experiences. They were connected to our consciousness, shaping our reality in ways we couldn't fully grasp. In this state, I feel like I had broken free from the limits of my body and mind.

My ego or beliefs didn't hold me back. I could explore the profound truths of the universe without any filters or biases. This new perspective gave me a deeper understanding of life and the universe. I felt a strong appreciation for the intricate beauty of the world. Later in my journey, I saw the life journey of my loved ones.

I could feel their struggles, pains and joys. I shed tears as I shared their emotions. I also encountered extreme temperatures, oscillating between the sensations of extreme cold and soaring heat. It feels as though I had died multiple times, yet I was still very much alive.

experience every second of my life. The truth of our existence was often difficult to confront, but my determination to explore its deeps remained unwavering. Then Ayahuasca told me a message that took me by surprise.

She explained that she could no longer guide me with love because of my relentless pursuit of knowledge beyond my reach. I was shocked and heartbroken. Despite the pain, I recognized that Ayahuasca's guidance was to lead me to the reality to which I belonged.

It was up to me to make the necessary changes to find peace and happiness in this world, not the world where I couldn't understand or couldn't reach at the moment. My experience with Ayahuasca was intense and far from easy, but it was undeniable worthwhile.

It compelled me to confront some of life's most challenging truths and taught me that the path to enlightenment often navigated through the darkness. It was during these two experiences with plant medicine that I witnessed and experienced in my past lives an indescribable magical world.

This dealt a significant blow to my rational thought patterns and strengthened my determination to continue exploring the spiritual world. At the end of 2022, China finally reopened its borders and after nearly 4 years away from my parents, I returned to my motherland.

Through a friend's recommendation, I joined a course by a monk called Fa Xin and his course called Chi Fang, meaning relax your mind and body. While attending this course, I felt like a continuation of my karmic connection with Buddhism. During the first course, I began having dreams of ghosts. One night, as I was sleeping soundly,

I suddenly feel someone hit my chest. I opened my eyes and saw a dark shadow that looked like a rabbit or fox passing in front of me. It startled me and I had trouble falling back asleep for the rest of the night. After checking some information and consulting the teacher, I learned that no inner demons arise, no outer demon manifest.

Everything in the world is interconnected and what appears in my mind, whether pleasurable or terrifying, cannot harm me if I remain disturbed, detached and still. As I progressed in my practice, inner demons will also surface layer by layer.

By continuously training in compassion, I will gradually realize that there is no difference between ghosts and people. The fear of ghosts is also a manifestation of my aversion. If I practice equanimity towards all creatures, fear will naturally desist.

This lead me to recall when I practiced TM meditation for the first 3 months and I almost had nightmares every night. My meditation teacher at that time explained that this was a normal phenomenon. As my awareness increased during meditation,

Many forgotten memories and previous surprised emotions resurfaced. Sigmund Freud once said that unexpressed emotions never die, they are only buried and will resurface in the future in a more ugly manner. When I was in my early 20s, I often had moments of sudden emotional breakdown.

where unconsciously repressed emotions reach to a breaking point. Through meditation and mindfulness, I can gain the courage to confront those buried thoughts and emotions. While this process can be painful, it is temporary. Once I have heightened awareness rather than drifting with the current, I can better understand who I am and what I truly desire.

Addressing those underlying root issues eliminates the secondary problems that arise from uncertainty about my fundamental identity. As of today, I have been practicing with monk Fa Xin for over a year. I have experienced ups and downs that come with this Buddhism practice.

including fear when encountering visions, sudden moments of enlightenment, restlessness and unease during recurrent nightmares, and overflowing tears during times of compassion. It seems like I no longer consciously seek to attain any specific state but focus on experiencing, relaxing,

and relaxing some more. Back to July 2023, it marked a significant turning point in my spiritual journey. The moment I set foot on Berlin's soil, I felt an unprecedented surge of rage. I found myself harboring hostile thoughts towards every person I saw on the streets.

Having visited a dozen of countries across four continents, I had never experienced such a strong reaction upon arriving in a new place. I decided to shorten my stay in Berlin and head to Leipzig. Once in Leipzig, two interesting things happened. I unexpectedly reunited with a childhood friend who studied Buddhism I hadn't seen in almost two decades.

It all started when she, who rarely used Weibo, a Chinese social media platform, couldn't sleep one night and began browsing Weibo, and she saw that I was in Leipzig. And coincidentally, she was flying in from Australia to visit relatives and decided to spend a day at the Leipzig Zoo.

This serendipitous meeting led to a delightful conversation about Buddhism at a devil-themed underground restaurant mentioned in Good Thirst, Forced. Later, as I roamed the campus of Leipzig University, the place where Nietzsche had once studied and taught, something strange happened.

I encountered a person who looked remarkably like Nietzsche and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I wanted to walk upon to him, give him a hug and tell him that there are people in this world who understand him. Unfortunately, my legs feel like soft dough and wouldn't move at all. At that moment, as I looked upon the sky, I saw the image of God.

depicted in William Blake's The Ancient of Days. My legs became even weaker and I felt an overwhelming urge to kneel in submission. Resonating in my ears was a deep and powerful sound. It feels like only I knew the specific significance behind this. The whole process felt like half an hour to me, but in real life, it was just a minute. After returning from Germany,

a red mark appeared between my eyebrows. At first, I thought it was due to dry weather causing skin irritation and itching. However, I started experiencing unexplained body traumas, especially before bedtime. I initially thought it might be an earthquake, but it happened too frequently and I couldn't find any earthquake-related information either.

I began seeing colors and auras around myself and others, as well as witnessing visions that didn't belong to this material world. Things from my dreams started frequently appearing in real life, and the map of the dream world became clearer and clearer and more complete.

I tried various methods like meditation, herbal healing, and breathwork to resist this force. Later, I realized that this was a gift I had longed for. But my spiritual practice was insufficient and I didn't know how to use it. That's why I was experiencing various forms of discomfort and distress.

It reminds me of the story of Ye Gong Hao Long which translated into English as Lord Year's Love for Dragons. I heard this story from my childhood, wanting something you couldn't handle. If you seek something you are not ready for, you must be prepared for the consequences. Still, I believe it was temporary and with continuous grounding and training,

I would eventually become friends with that dragon. Now let me share with you a story about a massage therapist I met in Portugal. By sheer coincidence, when I first moved to Lisbon, I found a massage place with excellent reviews called the Third Eye Massage. People raved about the therapist, claiming he was like a savior who left them feeling reborn after session.

Out of curiosity, I went there and gave it a try. As soon as I walked into the massage center, the therapist started observing, smiling and asking me questions. It felt like I had walked into an Indian traditional medicine center. He muttered a series of mantras and even read my palm. He placed my hand on his head for blessing.

I found this very weird and odd, but it was only during the massage session that I understood why this therapist has such a reputation. In just a few minutes, the pain and tensions in my arms, legs and shoulders quickly disappeared onto his skilled hands.

His unique breathwork technique and abdominal massage gave me a sense of improved breathing and digestive comfort that I hadn't experienced in a long time. The feeling of being in the peak condition was truly amazing. The therapist told me he traveled around the world to offer massages. So after a few sessions, I didn't have the opportunity to continue.

However, just after my strange experience in Germany, I found him return to Lisbon again, and he still remembered our previous conversation and sensed that I might be feeling energy blockages. After the massage, he was generous in sharing methods to regain energy and how to open and control my third eye.

Interestingly, after the massage, his hand turned to blue which he explained to me it was a result of observing my blockage energy. Another mysterious occurrence I couldn't explain. I feel like this therapist was quite similar to the Indian guru I had encountered before, loving to impart wisdom and encouraging me not to limit myself.

He often told me that I am a divine creature, urging me to love myself more and break free from the circle of reincarnation in this lifetime. The saying holds true. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The key is to align my inner frequency to dance with the universe and good things will eventually happen.

Last but not least, let's talk about fortune telling and divination. Earlier this year, my best friend's girlfriend in New Zealand, who had a bit of psychic power, suddenly told me to watch out for redhead Irish in my life and not to miss them. I was quite puzzled at the time because I didn't know any Irish people in my circle, let alone redheads.

But not long after she said that, a few red-haired Irish started to enter my life. I can't quite put my finger on my feelings towards these Irish yet. Let's stay tuned for the unfolding of this story. This year, I consulted both Eastern and Western fortune tellers and shamans to seek answers and guidance. What surprised me the most was that despite the different methods and traditions they followed,

The results turn out to be remarkably similar. It reminds me of my favorite German TV series Dark, which explores the power of fate. Each person has a specific mission and place in the space-time continuum. Sometimes, defying destiny and trying to change our fate can lead to unforeseen butterfly effects.

often beyond our comprehension and control, ultimately leading good intentions towards unfavorable outcomes. Perhaps it's better to fulfill our mission step by step and contribute our small part to the evolution of this intricate cosmic system. This brings me to mind a line from the movie Arrival: "If you could see your whole life from start to finish,

Would you change things? My answer is that I would still go on the same journey. Just as my first boyfriend wrote in my secondary school yearbook, even if the outcome falls short of expectation, cherish certain memories can still be a positive experience. I believe spirituality is a way to liberate us from stress and anxiety.

help us discover our purpose in this world and enable us to pursue activities that ignite our passions and hold the greatest value for us. In a world that is not always easy to understand, living happily and peacefully is the most sensible choice to me and our existence and experience are what give life its fundamental meaning.